Derpy squirmed a bit in her seat, adjusting her armor as she looked up at the chalkboard Tempest was standing in front of. Although the commander hadn't said anything to her directly, it was impossible to feel like this lecture wasn't targeting her specifically.
“The curriculum devised by Twilight and myself aimed to cover this subject later in the week, but recent events makes it necessary to discuss this now.” Placing her hoof on the board, Tempest drew their attention to the title.
Takedowns: Effective Technique & Procedure
“I’d say Derpy's technique with the door was pretty ‘effective’,” said Lightning with a chuckle.
“I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to-”
“Effective but not ideal,” interrupted Tempest. “Inflicting a concussion on a pony is dangerous to their health, and being rendered unconscious, as was the case with Mr. Swift, it makes them incapable of being questioned.”
“Um...is Swift going to be okay?” asked Derpy softly.
“He’s expected to make a full recovery, but he's not the issue here. The important thing is knowing how to do these things properly for the future.”
“He was standing invisible in front of a door, how could we have done anything differently?” grumbled Lightning.
“You couldn't have,” agreed Tempest. “This isn't a punishment, it's part of your job. Now keep your mouth shut and pay attention unless you think Swift Shadow is the only intruder you'll ever have to deal with.”
Lightning glowered but held her tongue as Tempest began showing the various tools and magical devices at their disposal. All of them were fairly straightforward. Hoof cuffs, horn rings, and a band to lock around the wings of a pegasus.
The actual takedown methods were not so simple.
Head trauma was obviously out, and there were only certain places one could strike at the wings, unless there was an actual threat to life. The instructions didn't stop at ponies, either. Yaks, griffons, changelings, and even dragons had their own rules of engagement and methods of binding.
“Do we often get visitors that aren't ponies?” asked Derpy once there was a lull in the lecture.
“Not presently, but Twilight has plans for Ponyville, and I imagine you'll be seeing lots of different species here soon.”
The lecture continued for a while after that, with Tempest highlighting some of the more commonly used 'social tricks' utilized by ponies to get around authority such as feigned outrage, 'knowing a friend', and talking nonsense to buy time.
The most surprising part of the lecture came at the end.
“And now that we've concluded, our field training today will take place inside the castle. You'll be walking your first patrol, with a small wrinkle.”
Flare and Lightning straightened in their chairs and looked more attentive while Derpy simply tried not to look nervous.
“Starlight Glimmer is hiding in the castle right now. She will be playing the part of a disgruntled noble. Keep these lessons in mind once you've found her and are made to take action.”
Hesitantly, Derpy raised her hoof. “Um...isn't Starlight a really powerful unicorn though?”
“She is,” agreed Tempest. “She’s also one of the most dangerous ponies to break into this castle and threaten Equestria through her actions.”
Flare blinked in shock at the news. “She did? How?”
“Through obscure magic and incompetent guards,” said Tempest sharply. “You'll find that to be a common theme with a lot of Equestria's problems.”
Flare opened her mouth to argue the point, but Tempest didn't give her a chance. “Your patrol route is outlined on the map here. Follow it, find Starlight Glimmer, and use the lessons I've taught you once you find her.”
“Is she um...going to fight back?” asked Derpy nervously.
“Just make sure your armor is secure.”
---
“You know, I think she's warming up to us,” said Derpy happily, a few minutes into the patrol.
“Tempest? Doesn't feel like it,” muttered Lightning as she closed a door and marked off another room on their patrol.
“No I mean the castle. We haven't gotten lost yet!”
“Derpy, we've barely started,” groaned Lightning.
“And you haven't run into a single broom closet!”
Lightning paused in the middle of opening another door. It was true, she hadn't gotten a faceful of bristles and brushes yet. Cautiously, she continued opening the door to find a simple guest bedroom on the other side.
“Wait, what do you mean 'her'? Does the castle have a gender?” asked Flare on the other side of the hall as she finished inspecting a different room.
“Well...no, but I think she identifies as female.”
“Based on what?” asked Lightning, pausing at the door to the next room.
“Well… it was made with the magic from the bearers of harmony and they are all mares.”
“Huh! That's actually pretty thoughtful,” said Flare after a moment. “How long have you been thinking about this?”
“Seriously? Come on,” scoffed Lightning. “For all you know, the castle is male and picked a bunch of mares because it's secretly a giant pervert. You're way over thinking-”
CRASH!
“Oh hey, looks like you found another broom closet,” deadpanned Flare as Lightning pulled herself out of a pile of mops, brooms, and buckets. “What are the odds?”
“It must be really convenient for the janitor to have so many cleaning closets around,” said Derpy cheerfully.
“Shut up...just shut up,” growled Lightning as she kicked the supplies back into the closet and slammed it shut.
After that, Lightning brooded in silence and, perhaps coincidentally, no further broom closets were found on the first floor. Though, neither was there any sign of Starlight. Their patrol eventually took them to the second floor and Lightning halted the group when her ear caught a sound.
“Hoofsteps, just around the corner,” she murmured.
“Talk first,” reminded Flare. “We don't know what kind of pony Starlight is emulating.
“I wasn't going to-”
“You were. Your wings are tensed.”
“Fine, you handle it then!”
Calmly, Flare took the lead and rounded the corner, frowning slightly as the pony clearly wasn't Starlight.
“Might be another curveball in the test,” murmured Lightning as they approached the blue cape-wearing pony outside Starlight Glimmer's room.
“Excuse me, miss, you're not permitted to be here,” said Flare clearly as she approached, flanked by Lightning and Derpy.
The unicorn in question jumped slightly, looking at the three guards in surprise before responding. “Not permitted? Do you ponies even know who I am?”
“We do not,” said Flare, bluntly. “You're going to have to come with us.”
“Come with...this is absurd! I am a friend of Starlight Glimmer!” A breeze seemed to flow through the hall, making her cape wave. The guards began to tense as her horn glowed. “I am the one...the only...great and powerful Trix-”
Several things happened at once. The unicorn's horn glowed bright, a myriad of objects detonating in bright flashes behind her as she reared up on her hind legs, but her declaration didn't even fully leave her lips before a green and gold blur zipped past Flare and brought the other mare to the ground in a clatter of metal.
“Get the ring on her!” snapped Lightning, spurring Derpy and Flare into action.
“Unhoof me! Trixie is a valued guest!”
“Ow! Grab her legs!”
“I'm really sorry about this!”
“Stop kicking!”
“Trixie refuses!”
“Does anyone have something to shut her up?”
“Um...would this work?”
“Why are you still carrying that around?”
“Get that thing away from Trixie's-mmph!”
“Because they've been really useful so far?”
“Is everything alright in here?”
All four ponies in the pile paused at the new voice and slowly looked upward to see Starlight Glimmer standing above them, a bewildered expression on her face.
“Starlight Glimmer! We were patrolling and found this suspicious pony wandering the halls. When we tried to escort her back to the entrance, she attempted to use magic,” said Flare quickly, finally managing to get the last cuff on Trixie's leg.
“Mmphh!”
Starlight brought a hoof to her mouth, trying and failing to hold in a giggle at the sight of the ball of yarn keeping Trixie silenced.
“Umm...did we mess up?” asked Derpy worriedly. “She did claim she was a friend of yours.”
“No, not at all,” said Starlight, ignoring Trixie's glare as Lightning and Flare pulled her upright. “You seem to be doing your jobs admirably.”
“Mmmph!”
“So what are you going to do with her now?” asked Starlight as she fell into step beside the guards.
“Well, we were supposed to bring you to Tempest, but since Trixie is an actual trespasser, bringing you both seems appropriate,” explained Flare.
“I see. Well, carry on,” said Starlight with another giggle.
“Mmmmph!”
“Oh relax, Trixie. I'll make it up to you later.”
---
“Right then...” began Tempest while she rubbed a hoof across her forehead. “Let's go over what you did right, and what you did wrong.”
On one side of the lecture room, Trixie and Starlight were in attendance, the former still shooting glares at the three guards on the other side.
“First of all, it is not acceptable to use gags as part of the restraint procedure.”
“Oh I don't know, I've found them to be pretty useful with Trixie,” tittered Starlight. Her amusement quickly wilted under Tempest's flat look. “Sorry, I'll be quiet.”
“Second, at my most generous, I'd assess that your reaction to Trixie's harmless magical display was excessive.”
“More than excessive! Trixie was tackled and cuffed and humilated and-” Trixie’s outburst was cut short when Tempest turned her stern glare on her.
“Trixie is exactly the kind of pony you might find yourself dealing with on a semi-regular basis. Arrogant, conceited, and with an expectation that you know exactly who they are and what privileges are allowed to them.”
“Hey!”
“And if she were somepony important, this incident might have caused actual trouble for Twilight.”
“Oh come on!”
“W-Well to be fair to Lightning, Trixie did cause an explosion with her magic,” said Derpy meekly.
“That sort of magic could have easily been interpreted as an attack,” added Flare with a nod.
Starlight sighed. “Trixie, I thought I told you to stop setting off fireworks in the castle.”
“Trixie has a brand to maintain!”
“Next time, let them attack you,” said Tempest flatly. “That armor you're wearing would give an alicorn pause.” Her eyes flicked to Trixie and Starlight. “Thank you for your time. You two can go now.”
“Trixie is still waiting for her apology!”
Lightning's eyes narrowed while Flare’s rolled in annoyance.
Derpy spoke up. “We're really sorry for the misunderstanding, Trixie.”
“Oh...well thank-”
“We're also sorry for putting the ball of yarn in your mouth. And for getting lost trying to find out where we were supposed to take you.”
“In retrospect, it does seem obvious that a Friendship Castle wouldn't have a dungeon,” muttered Flare.
“We're also really sorry for going through your saddlebag on the pat down and revealing all of your-”
“Trixie is grateful for your apology! No need to relieve the past!” said the mare quickly, standing abruptly and practically dragging Starlight behind her.
Tempest raised a brow once the pair of unicorns left. “What exactly did you do?”
“Nothing!” said Lightning.
“Nothing important,” corrected Flare.
“Well we thought it was a good idea to search her and it turned out she had a really exotic stock of-”
A chill seeped into the room as Lightning pointedly stared at Derpy.
“I mean...nothing?” finished Derpy, lamely.
Tempest frowned.
---
“Has anypony ever told you that you have the worst poker face ever?” asked Lightning as she pushed the bucket of soapy water to a new location.
“I do? But all of my old co-workers love playing poker with me,” wondered Derpy.
“Yeah I bet they do. Hey Flare, you actually gonna clean or are you just gonna stare at everything?”
“I'm looking, not staring. How often are you going to get a chance to look at Nightmare Moon's armor like this?”
Derpy did have to admit, even amongst all of the other trinkets, trophies, and baubles in the room, the armor stood out. Sharp and angular in appearance and colored in overlapping shades of black, even the pony mock up managed to make the suit look intimidating.
“Has a dedication and everything,” observed Flare. “Think it was bound for a museum?”
“Maybe. Guess Princess Luna didn't want her past mistakes being on display for everypony to gawk at. You gonna clean the damn thing or not?”
Flare sighed and withdrew one of the rags from the bucket, running it over the dedication plaque first before working on cleaning the plates. “Don't know why, dust doesn't have the nerve to settle on this thing.”
Quietly, Derpy found her own corner to begin working in away from the other two, trying her best to ignore the simmering tension. Nightmare Moon's armor may have scared away the dust, but that was clearly not the case with the other objects in the room, and it was an impressive collection to say the least. Amulets, statues, relics of various shapes and sizes...even though the majority of the items were behind sealed glass cases, the power coming from them was still rather noticeable. Several of them even had cards describing what they were and their purpose, lending proof to Flare's museum theory.
“Anything interesting in your area?”
Derpy looked up from a description of a strange looking bit and saddle to see that Flare had wandered over. “Some things...but a lot of this seems really dangerous. Why is Twilight keeping it around?”
“Historical or research purposes, probably. My family often talked the same way about the Starswirl Library in Canterlot. Lot of dangerous magical knowledge that can be catastrophic in the wrong hooves, but kept around because of its potential for good.”
Derpy could understand the sentiment, but it was really difficult to see how something like 'Sombra's Subjugation Collar' could ever be good for anypony, and while the talon from the Ursa Major's claw was interesting to see, it still seemed a bit tasteless to put it on display alongside things such as a bugbear's stinger.
It wasn't until Derpy was halfway through her work that a real problem came up though. “Um...Flare? Dust? Did Tempest tell us what to do if we found an artifact outside of its display case?”
“Is that a hypothetical question?”
“Um...”
Following Derpy's line of sight, Flare spied an almost innocent looking pink bottle on the ground tucked away between two display cases. The design was like that of a ketchup bottle one would see at a fast food restaurant.
“We should probably call Twilight to take care of it-” began Flare.
“Oh yeah, that's gonna look real good to our boss. It's a stupid bottle. Don't squeeze the thing and you'll be fine,” said Lightning with a snort.
“As if you're some kind of expert,” snapped Flare. “You haven't even read the plaque on the box!”
“Um...” said Derpy loudly, drawing Dust and Flare's attention towards her. “It says here that the object is called...” she paused for a moment and wiped her rag along the bronze dedication. “Perpetually Permanent Pink Party Dye. Handle with extreme caution.”
“Well that's just downright menacing,” taunted Lightning. “Maybe we should call Princess Celestia and Princess Luna while we're at it.”
“Maybe you should keep your mouth shut and think for once in your-”
“Don't worry, I'll take care of it!” said Derpy quickly, interrupting them once again. Ignoring their sudden panicked looks, Derpy used the cloth in her hooves to cover the bottle and gently roll it up into a ball before very slowly lifting it from the ground.
“I'll get the case,” said Flare hurriedly, moving around Derpy's side to undo the latch.
“Derpy, drop it!” Lightning shouted.
Derpy startled and the bundle dropped from her hooves and onto the floor. A moment later she saw Lightning's reason for the alarm. The rags were turning pink before her eyes, as if a dye was moving in slow motion across the cloth.
“Don't let it roll away!” Flare exclaimed.
“Get back! Don't touch it!” commanded Lightning before she grabbed her water bucket and slammed it over the rolling squirt bottle. To her shock, the bucket started to turn pink underneath her hooves.
“What kind of sadistic pony makes something like this?” cried Lightning.
---
“Ah-choo!”
The chaos within the bakery suddenly ground to a halt as a particular pink party pony sniffed and wiped her nose. Thoughtfully, Pinkie turned towards her assistant.
“Hey Gummi, you ever get the feeling that somepony out there is being suuuuper critical about your best work?”
Gummi responded with silence and a blank look.
“Yeah, you’re right. It's probably just my imagination.”
---
“Okay…now do you want to call Twilight?” asked Flare irritably.
“No!” Lightning replied hotly. Through a very careful maneuvering of the bucket and one of the last non-pink rags, the three of them managed to get the bottle back in its glass case, but the damage had been done.
The buckets were pink. Much of the water was pink. Nearly all of the cleaning rags were pink, and there was a bright pink streak along the floor where the bottle had rolled.
Yet all of that seemed insignificant to the single pink splotch that had somehow landed on Nightmare Moon's armor, and was even now spreading across the black plates and turning them into a bright, eye-gouging shade of pink.
“I mean...it doesn't look that bad,” said Derpy earnestly. “It’s a lot less depressing than the black.”
“Derpy will you just-” Lightning started, only to stop and take a breath. “We need to clean this... somehow. Flare, give me an idea.”
“Tell Twilight. Own up to the mistake. It was an honest accident,” said Flare. “Twilight is the Princess of Friendship, she'll understand.”
“I meant give me a good idea! Even if Twilight understands Tempest won't, and she's our commander! If we can't fix it, then fine, we'll say something, but don't tell me we don't have any other choices!”
Derpy hesitated, recoiling a bit at the near shouting tone. Lightning didn't sound angry so much as...desperate. Hesitantly, she spoke up. “Um...in Canterlot there's this armorer who I delivered packages to on occasion. Really big, dark orange earth pony...”
“You mean Iron Hoof?” asked Flare. “I know her. She's the one who handles the commissions for the guard captains and squad leaders. You're not seriously thinking-”
“If she can clean this crap off, you can be damn sure I'm going. Just tell me where I can find her.”
“She's all the way in Canterlot!”
“So it will take me a few minutes. I didn't get into the Wonderbolt reserves because of my looks!”
“Must have been your winning personality,” said Flare with a roll of her eyes. “Fine, you really want to do this? She's on Steel Street. Has a sign above her shop, Iron Hoof's Armory.”
Lightning nodded and took flight, zipping out of the trophy room before returning with a blanket from the barracks. She gathered the armor pieces off the display and bundled them up only to grimace as the blanket started turning pink. “Anypony have something to tie-”
She stopped abruptly when Derpy held out a ball of yarn to her.
With a sigh, Lightning took it. “I really should have been expecting that.” A minute later, the armor was neatly bound and tied to Lightning's back.
“When you get to Iron Hoof's Armory, tell her Flare Warden is calling in her favor,” said Flare. “You might have to wait a while otherwise.”
“Thanks for the tip,” replied Lightning, begrudgingly before taking off and leaving the other two alone.
Flare sighed and shook her head before turning to Derpy. “We should get back to cleaning. I wouldn't put it past Tempest to check up on us midway through.”
“What should we say if she asks where Lightning is?”
“We tell her that she went to get Nightmare Moon's armor properly cleaned up.”
Derpy blinked. “You want to lie to Tempest? Is that a good idea?”
“No! And sweet Celestia no! But Lightning is desperate right now and she isn't going to listen to reason.”
“But I was the one who messed up!”
“And Tempest seems to like punishing us as a squad,” reminded Flare. “Lightning probably already feels like she's on thin ice after Trixie.”
“But...why? Twilight is the Princess of Friendship and Tempest...isn't... always terrible.”
“I don't know. But what I do know is that most pegasus drop out of the Wonderbolts because they can't handle the training. And Dust is definitely not that type.”
“You mean she was kicked out?”
“Probably. And a black mark like that can follow somepony to their deathbed depending on how bad the break is. Come on Derpy, grab a rag, we're doing the work of three now.”
Derpy opened her mouth, clearly wanting to reply, but stopped, a troubled look on her face as she went back to cleaning.
---
“So...how are they doing?”
Tempest did her best to hide her smile. “I left a report on your desk, Princess.”
“Yes, but you're spying on them right now, aren't you?”
“If one of the dangerous artifacts gets loose, I will be certain to inform you,” assured Tempest as she adjusted the mirror she was looking into. On the other side, she had a clear view into the artifact room where Derpy and Flare were at work.
“That's not what I'm interested in and you know it,” huffed Twilight. “If you're not going to let me have a hoof in their training, the least you can do is keep me updated.”
“Would you like to know hourly, or shall I inform you every five minutes?” asked Tempest calmly, her eyes playful.
Twilight grumbled, her horn glowing as she rearranged several papers and books on her desk, resisting the urge to teleport the looking mirror over to her.
“If you must know, Princess, Flare is still cleaning and Derpy appears to have gone to the restroom. Lightning isn’t back yet. I'll be dropping in on them in a few minutes to make them squirm a bit.”
“Do you really think they're going to try and lie to you?” asked Twilight.
“Lightning would. Flare might. Derpy...maybe, if the other two put pressure on her. I didn't expect things to escalate quite so dramatically though.”
“Maybe it's a sign you need to ease back on the scare tactics.”
Before Tempest could respond, there was a gentle knock on the door to the office.
Twilight and Tempest shared a glance before the commander went to answer it while stowing the mirror away. On the other side was Derpy, who was unquestionably nervous as her single eye darted between Tempest and Twilight, clearly not having expected to see both of them.
Tempest was the first to break the silence. “Do you have something to report, recruit?”
The sharp tone made her flinch, but Derpy quickly straightened her pose and saluted. “I wanted to report that there was an accident in the artifact room. One of the treasures had been misplaced and I dropped it while trying to put it back. As a result, Nightmare Moon's armor got...um...pinked.”
Twilight and Tempest shared another glance before Tempest pressed Derpy to continue. “And?”
“And Lightning Dust volunteered to take it to a specialist to...help fix my mistake, but I wanted you to know that I take full responsibility for what happened!”
Tempest nodded, her expression unreadable. “Thank you for your report, recruit. You are dismissed.”
“Y-You mean...” Derpy's breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened. For a rare moment they were aligned in their shock.
Tempest realized a bit too late exactly how that had sounded. “No, I mean-”
“Derpy, come sit here, please?” interrupted Twilight.
Confusion flashed across Derpy's face and she gave Tempest an uncertain look. The commander quickly provided a verbal prod for her. “Go on, she's your superior too.”
Twilight gave her an encouraging smile as she sat down in one of the comfortable armchairs in front of her desk. “You're not in trouble, Derpy. You're not going to get punished, and you're not in danger of losing your job. Owning up to your mistake is absolutely the right thing to do in this situation.”
The relief on Derpy's face was clear, though the joy quickly wilted. “But...Nightmare Moon's armor was still ruined because of me, and Lightning...” She hesitated, realizing a bit too late that she might have said too much.
“Nightmare Moon's armor is a thousand year-old relic that I'd be happy throwing in the trash,” said Twilight bluntly. “Most of the 'treasures' in that room belong there. And none of them are worth more to me than a pony who was willing to throw herself in front of me to save my life.”
Derpy's expression changed from gloomy resignation to positively beaming in the blink of an eye.. “Th-Thank you Princess,” said Derpy, a slightly embarrassed blush starting to form on her cheeks. “Will...will Lightning be okay, though?”
“Lightning will be fine,” said Tempest before Twilight could speak. “Right now, you should worry about finishing your work in the vault.”
Enthusiastically, Derpy rose from her seat and gave Tempest a crisp salute. “Right away, commander!” And with a spring in her step, she was out the door.
Silence followed her departure, stretching out several seconds before Tempest let out a sigh. “You are radiating smugness, Princess,” she said without even turning to look.
Twilight quickly smoothed over her expression. “Am not, I'm just happy for her, that's all.”
Unseen, Tempest smiled as she turned back to the mirror, and watched as Derpy rejoined Flare in cleaning, working far faster and with much more coordination than before. “I don't think that approach is going to work with Lightning Dust, however.”
Twilight sighed and slumped back into her seat behind the desk. “Probably not. But everypony needs some positive reinforcement once in a while. Just try to keep that in mind?”
“Of course, Princess,” assured Tempest. “Although I'd come across as insincere if I don't temper my compliments with a healthy dose of pride trampling.”
---
Spell Nexus was careful not to let his calm demeanor drop until the door to his office was secure and the privacy wards were firmly in place. Only then did he fling his cape against the wall and let out a string of curses in long forgotten languages.
Things were starting to unravel before his very eyes. A simple reconnaissance mission which Swift had been able to pull off dozens of times before had ended with his capture, and while he trusted him to keep silent, the castle was no doubt going to be on high alert, and he was still no closer to learning anything about the guards whom Swift had been sent to spy on in the first place.
There was no time to make new plans and the window to adjust his current plans was rapidly shrinking. There were other agents he could use, but if Twilight had some new security system in place, then he'd simply be sending in another pony to get captured.
Idly, the archmage withdrew his scrying mirror and spoke to it. “Show me the artifact room,” he murmured. If nothing else he could at least be certain that it was still there.
Spell Nexus frowned. “Artifact room,” he repeated. “Artifact room!” With a frustrated snort, he tossed the mirror on the desk. The glass only showed a bright pink color.
They were on to him. There was no other explanation.