//------------------------------// // 7. - Counterspell // Story: Principal Noses and Ancient Roses // by Irrespective //------------------------------// “I gotta admit, I’m impressed that you whipped up that counterspell so quickly,” Prince Bean remarked as he walked beside Luna and glanced over her handiwork. “Celly could have created it faster, but sibling rivalry demanded that I be as good as she is when it came to actual results,” Luna said with a smirk. “It would have been a terrible insult to my ego otherwise.” “We couldn’t have that, now could we?” “Of course not,” Luna replied smugly. “My sister upstaged me more than… well, probably not as much as I thought she did. You know, now that I think of it, Celly may have simply manufactured a rivalry to push me to my full potential. I was never a model student, and poor Starswirl may have grown a few gray hairs because of me.” “She is quite the remarkable teacher, you have to give her that.” “Indeed she is,” Luna said with a smile as she pushed the doors to the band room open. “And she is quite the remarkable sister as well.” “Mornin’, Your Highnesses!” Applejack called out. “Y’all ready to whoop some siren butt?” “Indeed I am, fair Applejack,” Luna replied with a deep smile. “The counterspell is ready, and it is one of the finest spells I have ever crafted. Their defeat is inevitable.” A cheer came from the Rainbooms with this news, and the assembled girls quickly moved to their instruments while Bean moved to stand next to Sunset Shimmer. “So, what d’ya got?” Rainbow Dash asked while quickly tuning her guitar. “I’m sure you have a wicked solo lined up for the lead guitarist, naturally.” “Actually, my composition is spread evenly among all of you,” Luna said while Bean handed her a bundle of papers. “This will ensure we are able to access the full power of the Elements of Harmony, and give us the greatest advantage.” “Oh. Well, I suppose that’ll work too,” Rainbow said dejectedly. “I must confess, it has been a few…” Luna paused, and her mouth moved silently as she counted, “well, a few years since I have been able to compose a musical piece, but my operetta Iunior Sororem Melius in C Minor was hailed as a vast improvement upon the original work.⁽*⁾ Now, which one of you plays the lute?” ⁽*⁾The original having been described with such terms as ‘awful’, ‘tear-inducing’, and ‘rocks being ground together would make a better sound than this Celestia-cursed rubbish.’ Princess Luna had received the glowing review of ‘at least it resembles music.’ — Applejack glanced over to Rarity, who shrugged. “Uh, I don’t know that any of us even know what a lute is, Princess, let alone how to play it.” “No? Pity; it is a beautiful instrument. How about the psaltery?” “Gonna have to go with a ‘no’ on that one, too,” Rainbow Dash said. “No? Well, perhaps one of you has ability with the shawm?” “Nuh-uh.” Luna frowned deeply. “This is most troubling. Sackbut? Rebabl? Zampogna? Glockenspiel?” “Nope, nope, and… no, but Ah think Derpy knows how to play that last one.” Applejack rubbed her chin in thought for a moment. “But, Derpy also knows how to play a hand saw, so that’s none too surprisin’, really.” Luna glanced down at the papers in her hand. “I see. I may need to make a more substantial revision to the spell. It would seem that your human instruments are not compatible with Equestrian music.” “I don’t think there’s any ponies who know what those things are, either,” Sunset whispered to Bean. “Hey, I’ll have you know that Grandpa Soy plays a mean zampogna,” Bean shot back with a grin. “He’s all the rage at the Fair Folk Festival in Las Pegasus.” “Maybe we should take a look at what you have, darling,” Rarity offered. “We may not be familiar with your pony music, but I am sure I speak for everyone when I say that we are intimately familiar with our instruments. Stop snickering, Rainbow.” “Ah bet we can adapt somethin’ of ours,” Applejack added while Luna passed out her spell to the members of the band. “Probably not enough time for us to write a new song, though.” “Uh, Princess?” Rainbow pointed to a spot on the sheet in her hand. “I can’t read this. Looks like you used some sort of pig latin gibberish.” “You cannot read?” Luna asked with a fair amount of shock. “Why did you not say so sooner?! Principal Celestia will be held accountable for such a gross atrocity! To think, that a teenaged human could still be illiterate, after having so much formal education! This is precisely why I told my sister that public education was a inferior choice to the guilds and tradespony associations.” “Hey, I may not be the best reader in the world, but I can read!” Rainbow protested. “I just can’t read this!” “Princess?” Sunset coughed and cleared her throat. “The human education system is not the same as what you’re used to. Most people—and most ponies, I think—only learn one language nowadays. What you wrote is called Latin here, and it kinda died out a few hundred years ago.” “But I even used the vulgar form,” Luna said with a pout. “Bean? Can you read any of this?” “I can read bits and pieces,” he said. “But only because I took a course in college so I could read the recipes in some pre-Unification era cookbooks. Let’s see. ‘Quod depelle fons virtutis tuae, portetis ultra anobis,’ right?” “You’re speaking through your nose,” Luna huffed. “And it’s very boorish. You need to enunciate better.” “Right, I’ll work on that.” “Maybe you can pronounce it phonetically?” Sunset suggested. “That’s how Princess Celestia tried to teach me the old spell conjugations.” “I can read it,” Fluttershy whispered, but her comment was drowned out by Applejack playing a trio of chords. “‘Quad day pey-le fonds,’” she attempted to sing, but with ample amounts of hesitation as she tried to contort her throat to match what Bean had said. “‘Ver toot is to-way’. Ah, shoot, Ah dunno if Ah can spit these out right or not.” Luna glanced over to Bean. “I am afraid that the pronunciation must be precise. At best, nothing will happen if it is wrong, but at worst, you may end up conjuring up a plague of parasprites, and your sister will be most displeased with your folly.” “Personal experience?” Bean asked. “And you may ask Celly for the story later.” “So, what do we do?” Applejack asked. “We ain’t got enough time for you to whip another spell, do we?” “Perhaps I can make a translation,” Luna said. “But it will take me some time to ensure that the potency is not diluted. If we use the spell in the first round, and it does not work, then the sirens will know what we are doing, and they will ensure we do not get a second chance.” “Then we’ll have to buy ourselves some time, so we can keep workin’ on it,” Applejack said. “And how do you propose we do that?” Rarity asked. “We compete in the Battle of the Bands for real.” Rainbow pumped a fist and gave a determined grin. “We stay alive until the finals, and we unleash the counterspell then! Um, you will have it ready, won’t you?” “Of course,” Luna said. “I shall begin work on the translation immediately. I should be able to provide you with a readable copy in short order. Bean, you should remain here with the Rainbooms. The sirens will be disinclined to perform a preemptive attack if they believe a member of the school’s board of governance is here.” Bean offered a crisp salute. “Yes, ma’am! I’ll whack them over the head with my cane, ma’am!” “Perhaps I should include that in my battle plans,” Luna mused with a smirk. “They cannot attack if they have been rendered unconscious.” “C’mon, y’all!” Applejack proclaimed. “Let’s make sure we’re the best band at Canterlot High!” * * ✹ * * Princess Luna grumbled a bit as she sat, and she spread the original copy of her counterspell out on the table before her. She was going to have a long talk with Principal Celestia about the abysmal state of the human educational system once all of this was sorted. “This school needs to focus less on the miscellaneous programs and more on the core subjects,” Luna muttered. “I was fluent in five languages by their age.” “Well, Ah always knew you were smarter than you let on, but that just confirms it.” Luna gasped, but then a shudder of delight overwhelmed every last inch of her human body when a pair of strong arms softly slid around her shoulders and pulled her into a gentle hug. “Star! What are you doing here?” “Well, Sheriff Silverstar thought that the Battl’ of the Bands would be a big enough event to warrant some police presence, just in case things turn well shan,” Star Struck whispered into her ear. “So, naturally, Ah volunteered, and now Ah’m gonna chum along until this battle of yours is over.” This news sent a thrill of delighted horror through Luna. This Star Struck still thought she was the human Luna that he knew and loved, and it would be impossible for her to get the counterspell done if he was going to remain by her side. She had to get rid of him, somehow, but she had to do so in a way that didn’t offend and ruin the relationship he had with the Vice Principal. “You have no idea how delighted I am to hear that,” she said in a soft hum. Her hands reached up and held his arms a bit closer, and for a moment, she savored his presence in a way she hadn’t been able to for hundreds of years. “Does Principal Celestia know?” “Not yet. Ah was on my way to tell her when Ah saw you walkin’ into the library. Why are you here, anyway? Shouldn’t you be with your sister, gettin’ ready for the showcase?” “I have a small research project I am working on, but it is nothing of great import.” “It’s not?” Star said as he leaned in a bit closer and studied her papers. “Looks to me like you’re tryin’ to start a cult or somethin’.” “Nothing quite so sinister, I assure you,” Luna replied. “I can explain later. Why don’t we go inform my sister of this most welcome development, and then we can go from there.” “Aye right,” Star said with a wary smile. “But please don’t start any funny business, eh? Your school already has a reputation of bein’ full of right chancers, and if word gets out about how the Vice Principal is teachin’ the student body some ominous latin chanting, you’ll never hear the end of it.” Luna shook her head and laughed slightly. “Star, can you do me a favor?” “Name it, Lass.” “Never lose that loveable brogue. I could sit and just listen to you talk for hours on end.” Star now took a turn to laugh. “You must be feelin’ tidy today. Normally, when Ah start yammerin’ on too long, you get all huffy and tell me, and I quote, to ‘haud yer wheesht, you radge.’ Ah do have to admit you are right cute when you try it, since your nose wrinkles up.” “It does not!” she protested as he released her and she gathered papers up. “My nose has never done anything of the sort!” “Deny it all you like, Lass, but it does. Makes me want to reach out and… oh, what’s that term the youn’uns use? ‘Boop’, innit?” “Boop, yes,” Luna replied. “Another great mystery of modern language. I must warn you, I will tolerate no attempt to ‘boop’ my nose.” “No?” Star quickly reached out, but Luna darted to her left and let out a small shriek of delight when he moved to follow. “C’mere! Ah’m sure you’ll love it, if’n you’ll just give it a chance!” “No, no!” Luna shouted with a laugh. “No noses! You stay away from me, you terrible tease!” Star Struck chased Luna out into the hallway, but she offered no resistance when he pulled her into another tight hug and gave her neck several rapid kisses. Despite all of her desires to distance herself from this human version of her husband, she found she simply could not. Every dew drop kiss, every softly-spoken word, and every soft caress tempted her to remain and to reclaim everything she had been without for more moons than could be counted. He was offering her old life to her once more, a life filled with love and the most indescribable joy that she had ever felt. She could have it all back. She could lead him to the portal back to Equestria with nothing more than some sweet nothings and a gentle sway of her hips, and then she could ‘accidentally’ shove him in and have him all to herself once more. But then she forced herself to reverse the situation. If the human Luna had been the one to seduce her beloved away under false pretenses, she would have literally ripped Equestria apart in her search. She couldn’t imagine the pains that would have come, and Nightmare Moon wouldn’t have been able to hold a candle to the monster that would have been born. She could never inflict such a pain. Not on any pony, and not on any person, either. “Lass? Can Ah ask you somethin’?” “What is it?” “Well, Ah’ve been thinkin’ about what we talked about last night,” he said with a slight hitch in his voice. “Y’know, about us not spending enough time together, and all that. And, well, Ah was wondering, if—” Luna put a hand on Star’s lips quickly, and she felt tears pricking at the back of her eyes while she looked into the depths of his. “Do not ask me this; not right now. If you do truly care about me, please wait until after the Battle of the Bands. I will be able to give you an honest answer then.” “Oh. Right.” Star chuckled nervously, and he gave her an embarrassed smile. “Shoulda realized now wasn’t the right time.” “I assure you, I will still be surprised when you ask,” Luna offered with a soft kiss. “And I think you will find my answer to be satisfactory as well.” * * ✹ * * Baked Bean clapped and let out a small cheer when the Rainbooms finished their song, and Rainbow Dash gave a theatrical bow before turning to face the others with a scowl. “That was all right, but it could be a lot better, and I think we all know what we need to do.” “Yeah. You could quit turning what should be the chorus into a five minute guitar solo,” Applejack shot with a deadpan expression. “I have to pick up the slack somehow! Are you guys even trying?” “I’m trying,” Fluttershy whispered from somewhere behind Rainbow. “Look, we gotta be the best band out there if we’re gonna have any chance at this!” Rainbow said with a huff. “Our entire school is at stake!” “That may be true, darling,” Rarity interjected, “but it’s not as bad as all that. Principal Celestia is free of the spell, and I’m sure she’ll do anything to keep us in the battle until Princess Luna is ready. Why don’t we take a short break, and look over some of the costume selections I’ve picked out for the showcase? I’m particularly fond of this one,” she quickly pulled a wheeled rack loaded with garment bags toward her, then stepped out from behind it dressed in a old-time marching band jacket, but with added trim and more sequins than could possibly be legal. “Although we could go with something a bit more modern.” “We’re trying to save our school here,” Applejack protested. “Enough with the costumes!” “You can never have too many costumes!” Rarity shot back while suddenly modeling a yellow jumpsuit and a helmet that somehow displayed a trio of scrolling diamonds. “Wait, how did she do that?” Bean asked Sunset. “Wasn’t she just…” “Don’t think about it too hard,” Sunset replied with a smirk. “You’ll just hurt yourself.” “She’s just trying to make things fun! Isn’t that what being in a band is supposed to be?” Pinkie added to the protests with a rimshot to emphasize her point. “Wait, please,” Bean called out. “We don’t have time for arguments.” “All right,” Rainbow grumbled. “But you all better start pulling your weight! I can’t let my band be subpar!” “Our band,” Applejack and Rarity growled together. “Maybe it’s just me, but they seem to be taking a lot of swings at each other. Is this normal for them?” Bean asked Sunset while the Rainbooms began to debate over what song to play next. “Oh, it’s just the stress of everything coming out,” Sunset replied. “It’s fine, don’t worry.” “Well, all right. Do you mind if I ask why you’re not in the band?” “The Rainbooms had already formed before I…” Sunset’s gaze went to her shoes, and she rubbed one arm in embarrassment. “Actually, I’m just lucky they want to be my friends, especially after the whole she-demon thing. I’ll give them whatever support they need, but I don’t think I’ll be asking for any favors anytime soon. It would probably just look like I’m trying to be my old self again.” “Well, I think you’re doing pretty good, for what it’s worth.” Bean patted her shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile. “Celestia will be overjoyed to hear about how much better things are for you now.” “You think so? I said some really, really horrible things just before I left. I don’t think I could ever forgive me.” “I really do think so. A good friend once told me that everypony has at least one good screw up in life, if not more. The trick is to learn from them.” Sunset scoffed. “I bet you’ve never done anything bad. You were probably a perfect little boy scout growing up.” Bean smiled in a sad way. “Oh really? Let me tell you about the time I killed one of my friends. Or maybe you’d like to hear the one where I put all of Ponyville in harm’s way? Even better, how about when I came this close to destroying Equestria and turning Celestia into a potato?” “You did not,” Sunset shot back. “You couldn’t have possibly done something that bad.” “Yeah! No way!” Rainbow added. Bean and Sunset turned to face the Rainbooms, only to find five incredulous stares being leveled at Bean. With a snort of amusement, Bean tapped the brace on his injured leg with the cane. “Oh? I didn’t get this because I ran three marathons back-to-back, you know.” “How in Equestria could you possibly destroy Equestria?” Sunset blurted. “And if you are capable of doing so, why in the name of Celestia is Celestia married to you?” “How much time to we have before the showcase begins?” Bean said with a chuckle. * * ✹ * * “Ah, Luna,” Principal Celestia smiled and gestured to the chair in front of her desk. “So glad you could join me this morning. How are you feeling?” “For as heavily as you imbibed last night, you are remarkably cheerful,” Luna groused before swiping the nearby styrofoam cup and inhaling deeply. “This, however, is liquid perfection. I shall go kiss Mister Roast, and then I will kiss Mister Bean for providing this, since you won’t.” “Luna,” Celestia growled. “Or was it the other Bean who provided me with a triple venti half sweet no-fat caramel macchiato? It would explain the rather expansive spread of food that now adorns your desk. Is the visiting pony prince trying to make amends for wounding your broken heart?” “No, Prince Bean had nothing to do with this. Mister Bean was kind enough to provide the meal. It was…” Celestia hesitated, and smiled warmly. “It was like he just knew, somehow, that I was going to need a good breakfast.” There was a pause as Luna took a deep swig of her macchiato, but when she was done, she gave her sister the most serious gaze that she could. “Sister, may I be brutally honest with you?” “Is there ever a time when you are not?” “Jump him.” Celestia was set back a step, and she leaned back in her chair. “What?” “Tia, no one is more acutely aware of the pain that Sombra inflicted upon you than I am. His deception and cowardice continues to cast a pall upon your very being, yet I must admit that I admire how you have been able to forge onward, ever able to project the airs of kindness, loyalty, and genuine concern that the students need to succeed in their educational endeavours. “But you can’t keep leading Mister Bean along like this. He is attracted to you, whether he realizes it or not, and all of this is an effort to catch your eye and curry your favor.” “Lulu, we’ve been over this. He provides these meals as samples for future menu additions.” Luna folded her arms tightly. “Tia, when was the last time he provided one of these samples to me? After all, we are supposed to approve meal plans together, are we not?” “Well, he… um, a couple of weeks ago, I think he… wait. No, he must have…” “Point one for me. Point two: unless I am mistaken, the district handbook states that the school dietician is to report to the vice principal. I am the one who hired him, I am the one who is responsible for his performance reviews and disciplinary councils, if one ever becomes necessary, and I am the one who approves his paychecks. His dealings with you should be minimal and infrequent, if we are following the rules.” Celestia nodded, clearly unable to contest the point. “I’ve let this all slide because you two are unbearably adorable together, especially when you both try to avoid staring into each other’s eyes and fail. I know Sombra cut you deeply, sister, but it is not fair to lead Mister Bean along like this if that will forever stop you from being cut again. You’ll just be doing to Bean what Sombra did to you. “I want you to be happy, Tia. I personally think Bean can provide you with that happiness. I would be overjoyed if you would allow him the opportunity, and I would never say anything more about your relationship with him, even if it ends in spectacular failure. But if you cannot allow him that chance, for whatever reason, then I will play the part of the ‘bad’ sister and end this now. I do not want to do this, but I will if I must.” Celestia’s gaze went to the half-eaten strawberry waffles, and for several long moments, there was silence in the Principal’s office. Luna almost felt like she had gone back to her own teenage years, when she had sat in the very chair she was in now and tried to explain how the crater in the new football field was a science experiment gone wrong to Principal Starswirl, but she had said what needed to be said, and she did not regret it. “Principal Celestia?” A delightfully deep brogue called in, and Luna’s heart leapt with delight while both sisters turned their attention to the door. “Forgive me for bargin’ in, but—” “Is everything all right, Deputy?” Celestia asked. “Yeah,” Star Struck replied while he shook his head and jabbed a thumb towards the hallway. “Forgive me, Lass, but I thought you were in the ladies’ room. I dunna know how you got in here before me.” “I can be a sly and sneaky thing when I want to be,” Luna replied as she stood and sauntered over to her handsome suitor. “But what brings you by here on your day off, hmm?” Star pulled her into a deliciously delightful hug and a kiss that could set the world on fire, but then he chuckled. “D’ya not remember what I told ya earlier, Lass?” “No, we have not spoken to each other this morning. Did I somehow miss something?” “Um, I…” Star rubbed the back of his head, but then laughed. “Never mind. Sheriff Silverstar thought it would be best to have some police presence at your Battle, so here I am. If you both have a free moment, I’d like to go over some security details with you.” “Of course,” Celestia replied. “Would you care for some waffles, Deputy? They’re fresh.” “Well, can’t rightly say no to such a generous offer,” Star said with a grin. “Though I’m beginning to suspect Mister Bean is trying to fatten you up. I might have to have a small blether with him about that.” “No, I believe it would be best if I discussed the matter with him,” Celestia replied with a glance and a nod to Luna. “There is much that he and I need to discuss.” * * ✹ * *