Dollars switched off nightvision mode as he walked to the other side of the container. His partner, Jake, was waiting for him, standing just inside the container. Neither of the two men could see each others' faces in full HEAVI(Hazardous Environment Advanced Vector Impact) armor suits. But they didn't need to; it was obvious they both knew what the other was thinking. Just one was a bit quieter about it.
"FUCK," Dollars exclaimed, his first line in the story and an apt one at that. "This HAS to be the right crate. It's got the ONI insignia on it. But our stuff is gone."
Jake said nothing. Through his polarized visor, D-man could tell he was staring back at him. Staring knowingly. Disappointedly.
Dollars looked back at him and, engaging in a battle of silence the junior helljumper knew he would lose. "Just gonna do the 'Silent Bob' treatment on every mission? We're not even on active duty right now. And this WASN'T my fault."
Before Jake could say anything, or continue not saying anything, a chainsaw began sawing through the other side of the container. The cut board fell inward, landing a couple feet from where Jake and Dollars were standing. Another pair of armor-clad troopers stepped inside, but the ODST duo did not recognize them. Neither did the new arrivals recognize the troopers from the Halo universe.
The two new soldiers, Damon Baird and Fiona Carmine, were wearing party hats. And they were carrying a large freshly-caught marlin wearing Aquaman's clothes.
"Uhh..." Baird started, glancing at his companion, and then said "Uhhh....we'll come back another time." The two COG soldiers then left with their fish.
Dollars did a double-take between the hole and his partner. "Who the fuck were they?!"
Dan fired at the train again and again with the random, constantly-changing shotgun. Unfortunately, some of the rounds were completely ineffective against the train; sometimes, it fired cupcakes or streamers. However, it was a big enough distraction that the Doctor was able to drive Rarity up to the train and let her hop on. After that, Rarity was able to easily teleport the Team Rocket Grunts off the train.
"Aaahhh!" *BLAM* Dan shot one as he fell, setting the grunt aflame before he landed in the snow.
Doctor Whooves ducked as another hapless Team Rocket henchman was flung off the train. "Are we absolutely sure we're not killing anyone?!"
"Relax, Doctor! This story's still rated Everyone!"
"This story hasn't been rated "Everyone" in a months!!"
"Oh," Dan said. "Well... they'll be fine," he added, shooting one out of the air and then deliberately running him over, causing the grunt's screams to be drowned out by the immediately-following crunch of bone... and face.
Looking back over his shoulder, the Doctor saw the whole thing. "What do you call that, exactly?! That's PRECISELY what I'm talking-" and more crunching noises interrupted him as Doctor Whooves himself ran completely over an anime criminal. "Oh feck..."
"EYES ON THE ROAD, LIME-LORD!"
The Doctor shook his head. "I'm not even sure who you're insulting any more."
Dan drove alongside him. "Don't you mean 'Whooves?'" he asked, grinning.
"No. No, I don't. And you should feel horrible for saying that."
Dan continued grinning. "I don't~"
Rarity, being the only one with her head in the game, suddenly appeared in front of Doctor Whooves. The two of them then vanished in a blue flash of her magic. She then appeared in front of Dan, gently put her hooves on both of his hands and teleported him as well. When they reappeared, they were inside of the train car Dan had been shooting at.
"Ah, that worked out well. Commendable job as always, Rarity."
"Thank you, Dan," she said, wiping the sweat from her forehead. "It's not easy, though, when I'm trying my best not to hurt them."
Both Dan and Doctor looked at her with a bit of a 'wut' face. "You stabbed like... twenty guys when you first showed up," Dan said.
"Also, we ran over at least two... possibly more," Doctor Whooves said.
Dan nodded. "Yeah, I guess we kill people now."
"Yeah, I guess we kill people now." ~ Dan
How this story apparently rectified its own violent shift in content. Brought to you by Dan.
"Whatever. It's only Team Rocket, anyway."
And as if on cue, another Team Rocket Grunt entered the train car, weapon drawn. And the moment he had entered the train car, his neck was immediately snapped by a ninja-teleporting Rarity.
"Dear gods, woman! Are you just compelled now to-" Dan smacked the Doctor in the face. "OW!"
"Doctor, you NEVER refer to a lady as 'woman' in that tone," Dan said.
Eyes closed, Whooves rubbed his cheek. "I... apologize. I would like to remind you both that I am... not quite myself right now."
"It's fine, Doctor," Rarity said. "And Dan, the point is, we're safe."
"Yes. On an armored freight train full of armed criminals. Safe as can be," Dan said, kneeling down. "Fortunately, I am quite myself right now. And safety is one of my specialties." He rose carrying the body of the Team Rocket Grunt.
"What... what are you going to do with that man?"
Dan stared straight ahead. "I'm going to perform a safety inspection. Stay behind me."
"You're going to beat everyone to death with that corpse, aren't you?" Whooves asked.
"Dan, darling, that's a bit much even for you."
"Dan, you can't beat everyone to death with a dead body and even as I'm saying it, I'm watching you march off to do exactly that, because you won't listen, will you? No, you don't ever listen to anyone if it's something you're absolutely sure you want to do, and I know this isn't the time to object but really, have we lost abandoned absolutely ALL decency? I mean, are we really at the point where we've been doing this for so long that we've just forgotten all restraint?"
As he finished his series of run-on sentence commentary, like he does sometimes, the Doctor realized he was alone in the rear train car. A moment later, Rarity appeared in front of him.
"We haven't forgotten all restraint, Doctor," she said, urging him forward. "We've thrown it out the window... quite literally."
"Quite," Whooves said, frowning. They followed Dan, stepping carefully over some of the carnage already laid down and in full anticipation of having to step over more very soon.