The Equestrian noble rebellion was an event that never technically took place. Official historians and record keepers state that the nobility have never once rebelled against their kingdom (after all why would they, the kingdom is what gives them their high place in society after all). The truth is however that the noble houses tried to overthrow the royal sisters once but failed so miserably that there are no clear signs of a revolution what so ever. Now only those directly involved know the embarrassing truth, a tale that they would take to their graves.
It was nearing the end of summer and monsoon season was well under way. The dreary skies and daily rain showers were an omen to residents of Equestria that harvest was approaching and after that would come winter. Young colts and fillies lamented the fact that school would resume in a matter of days, as the weather seemed to wash their vacations away. The noble houses would cease their eternal struggle for a time and wait for environmental conditions to improve (nobility didn’t like having to go out in the rain). Celestia lamented this time due to the fact that the noble houses conflict served as a great distraction from the boredom of royal affairs. This year however she came up with a solution. She wrote an anonymous manifesto calling for the nobility to unite, overthrow the crown, and form a new Equestrian Oligarchy with each house sharing power. This was the perfect scheme it would force the nobles to suffer in the rain, devise horrible ideas, and all around humiliate them. Her plan was a tremendous success.
Nobles have been known to make temporary alliances with each other on rare occasions in order to accomplish a common goal before promptly betraying each other. This however was the first and only time in history that all the houses joined forces together (each noble of course planned to betray the rest and take
Equestria for them after Celestia was defeated of course). And at the head of this alliance stood the two most powerful nobles: Lady Steel Heart and Lord Corn Wall. These two ponies put aside their mortal hatred and united to lead the P.N.F.F.F.C (Pony Nobles For Freedom From the Crown) to what they thought would be a simple and epic victory. As the leaders, these two would raise the ponypower needed to achieve this victory (especially important to nobles since they hate getting their hooves dirty). The two had used opposite techniques of gathering ponies and this meant that the “rebels” possessed differing mindsets (one of many recipes for disaster). Corn Wall distributed ads to all the farmers loyal to him and told them that fame and fortune awaited them if they joined up meaning that half of the “rebels” were ignorant farmers thinking that this was a great opportunity to make large sums of Bits in addition to taking part in a grand adventure. Steel Heart on the other hoof immediately conscripted many of her industrial workers causing the other half of the “rebels” to be overly grim factory workers who desired nothing more than to finish this “war” quickly so that they could return home. Both halves were wrong however as they would soon discover.
Nearly a day after the manifesto was sent the nobles had assembled in downtown Canterlot to take part in the affair. The nobles were gathered under a tent put up to serve as a makeshift HQ where they could discuss strategies without the rain soaking them (the Volunteers and Conscripts would be forced to stay out in the rain where they would try to make the best of the situation by singing songs or gambling before what they thought would be a massive battle). “We should arm ourselves and strike at the palace first and end this in one great strike!” barked a Battle hungry Steel Heart. The lesser nobles all looked at each other nervously when she said the word “strike”.
Corn Wall loudly replied, “ that is the dumbest plan I’ve ever heard!” The other nobles seemed relieved to hear Corn Wall respond negatively.
“Oh and you have a better plan farmhand?” Steel Heart angrily responded.
“Yes I do, we should go and spread propaganda, and then the entire city will be on our side!”
“Well, who agrees with my glorious plan?” nopony raised their hooves.
“Who agrees with my wise plan?” everypony raised their hooves. Corn Wall smiled and said “Well then our course is simple, we should go to public places and incite rebellion while our followers post propaganda posters, burn government buildings, and spread the word!” the nobles cheered at this and went off immediately. Corn Wall went to the nearest club, hoping to take advantage of the busy hour and gain ponies on their side. He went through the back and steeped on stage facing the crowd.
He spoke to the audience “Citizens of Equestria your time is now, rise up and break the chains of oppression!” he was met not with the screams of rebellion that he expected but instead with laughter. Had he read the sign on the front of the building he would have seen that this was a comedy club and that tonight was amateur’s night, the crowd thought he was a comedian. “Why do you folk laugh, the city quite literally burns with the fire of revolution as the homes of the corrupt fall!” the crowd laughed even harder. “We are here to end your suffering today and all we ask is that you join us!” the audience had erupted with laughter and the noble could no longer make his voice heard, so he raised his hoof to the air and ran off stage to the back.
The rest of the P.N.F.F.F.C fared no better as the rest of the nobles were either laughed at or booed off stage at their respective venues. The “rebels” fared no better due to the fact that the rain prevented them from successfully starting any fires with their limited tools. Unfortunately there was a stage play that was starting up at the time about a large rebellion in a kingdom and everypony simply thought that the propaganda posters and the ponies attempting to rouse the masses were part of some sort of viral marketing (which may explain why this play sold so many tickets). Shunned and seemingly defeated the nobles fled back to their tent where they argued until the alliance had fallen completely apart. All of the nobility went back to their mansions in defeat, once again loyal to Celestia and Luna, and blaming the others for this failure and plotting new terrible schemes of revenge for once the monsoon ended. The “rebels headed back home soaking wet and extremely tired, but overjoyed that there hadn’t been a war. Celestia’s spies among the “rebels” returned to her with the reports on what had happened. She enjoyed just how far the nobles had gone on the word of a nameless document and just how much they were humiliated by their failure. She had finally managed to toy with all the noble houses at once and had preformed what may very well be one of her greatest tricks yet. She ordered that the reports never enter the official archives and stay in her personal possession because the world didn’t need to hear of a failed revolution that lasted less than a day. And seeing the reports also reminded the princess that the nobles were now more conflicted than ever and the great struggle would only increase in intensity and impulsiveness. Just as planned.