"Eeee! Eeee! Eeee! Eeee!"
"I don't wanna. Five more minutes....zzzzzz....damn alarm clock."
"AGAH!"
"I'm up! I. Am. UP!" you jolt awake, startling the drowsy unicorn snuggled up beside you.
"H-Huh, w-what time is it?" she slurs, blindly waving her hooves at the air.
Your eyes adjust to the blinding sun and you see a chipper Spirit hopping in between you and the mare.
"Alright. We're awake, ya goofy alarm clock."
"Ah-Nah!"
"Morning, you three."
Mr. Jammers slips over and carries the baby aside as you see Wallflower putting out the low fire. "If we move now, we'll be there by nightfall." she states.
"Good, I cannot WAIT to be back in Ponyville." Starlight sighs. "First thing I'm gonna do is take a nice, relaxing bath and get rid of these LEAVES in my hair."
"I kinda see this as a much needed, albeit ROUGH, vacay." you add.
"Yeah, nothing like nearly getting devoured by timberwolves, falling down cliffs and dealing with bothersome bugs."
"Hey, beats being stalked, Star."
"Anon, for the LAST time, you're being paranoid. There's no way Lyra is 'plotting to kidnap you' or anything."
"Say that to the missing tooth in the back of my mouth!"
"That was from when you called Rainbow a chicken."
"That creep came to the crime scene for the remains long after the fact."
"Mata!"
"Oh, don't you start too, little guy. You don't even have ANY yet. Pal, if I'm lying, may I be struck by lightning."
A jagged, red arrow grazes your head and pierces the tree behind you, slowly burning its bark to ash.
"Ha, I was right!"
"Um, Anon...?"
All of you are distracted by the creeping sound of metal clanging around you in the gloomy forest. Starlight trots over and yanks the arrow out to examine it.
"What is it?" you ask.
"Some sort of fire crystal thingy. I've never seen anything like this befo-"
Another arrow strikes, barely missing you both.
You two look deeper into the woods to find the source. There, emerges a brutish grey diamond dog wearing shiny, steel armor. Out of nowhere, the mangy mutt let's out a loud howl that echoes through the woods which soon follows by clanking marches in the distance. Soon, more and more armored dogs begin showing up around every direction, closing in on the five of you carrying spears, rope, bows, arrows and a tall, brown cage-like cart laced with metal.
[I'm not gonna say it...]
"Mr. Jammers, BURY!"
The alert vine follows his master's orders and quickly dives underground in a flash as the armored dogs continue their pursuit before bursting from the ground, sending the ruffians flying. Mr. Jammers dips and dodges their puny, fiery arrows and spears and starts flinging away any dog in sight.
"Be careful, Mr. Jammers!" Wally yells.
The moment of triumph is cut short when an arrow strikes the poor plant in the roots, followed by an onslaught of spears cutting his body.
"MR. JAMMERS!!!"
Wilting and flailing about, a helpless Mr. Jammers is caught in the dogs' ropes and forcibly held down.
"Anon, we have to do something!"
"Way ahead of ya, Star!"
Starlight poofs in front of the group of dogs surrounding the plant and repels them far with a powerful dome of magic as you ka-rah-tay any that dare face against you. The unicorn starts blasting her magic like a trigger happy sniper trying to shoot a fly, wiping the floor with any beast within ten feet of her as you finish the "leftovers".
As you give one of the dogs the harshest noogie in Equestria, you spot a devastated Wallflower frantically rushing over to the fallen plant where a metal collar is suddenly flung and tightly clings to the mare's neck.
"Wallflow- AUGH!" You drop the dog as one of the same collars chokes you as it clamps around your throat before the mysterious device sends a surge of electricity that shocks you into submission. Starlight gets knocked to the ground by the same shock collar before your eyes as you're mercilessly getting your ass fried. The shocking begins to cease as the dogs restrain your wrists with rusty handcuffs and dump you in their cart of doom. Soon, Spirit is dropped in your arms tied up to his neck in rope like a little cocoon.
"Waya!" he cries.
"Yeah, I know this sucks."
Your supposedly "OP" unicorn pal is suddenly tossed in beside you, forehooves cuffed together.
"Let us OUT of here!!!" She growls.
"Can't you use your magic?"
Starlight struggles to cast a spell, which seems to be blocked by the red mist surrounding her horn. Then, her collar beeps before violently shocking her.
"No go, huh?"
"Urgh, NOW what are we gonna do?!"
One of the dogs plops Wally in as well and slams the metal lid of the cart, sealing it down tight. "LET ME OUT OF HERE YOU MONSTERS!" She barks. "MR. JAMMERS! GET UP, PLEASE!!!"
The dying plant weakly waves at her before collapsing, lifeless. You could practically see the blind hatred in Wally's eyes as the cart begins rolling away from the scene. Before you could get a chance to comfort her, she dashes towards the wall, sticking her head out of the cart. "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM US, YOU BEASTS?!?!"
"RUFF!" a dog barks in her face before clearing his throat. "Sorry. Me had biscuits early. Too dry for tastes."
"You can talk?" you ask astounded.
"Of course."
"Occasionally."
"Time to time."
"Ruff!"
"Uh, except Ruffo. He not speak often."
"Well, may I ask why you wanted to cage us like wild dog.........I-I mean, animals?"
"It not what we want. It what Lead Dog want. Orders."
"Lead Dog?"
"You ask too many questions."
"Ruff!"
"Alright, alright. I'll zip my lip."
"BAH dah!"
"Yeah, BAD dogs."
Your rear is completely numb at this point. It felt like FOREVER since you four have been captured and taken away to Celestia knows where and it's really unpleasant. Frustrated, you lay back with a sigh as you're all carried through a dim, dank, stank cavern. Starlight's struggling to get out of her restraints, Spirit's trying to EAT his restraints and Wallflower's in the corner, too heartbroken to lift her head.
At the moment, you're just thinking about sled dogs, thinking that life is like a team of them. Because if you're not the lead dog, the only view is another dog's ass...
Is that what the universe had in store for you? Nothing but dog ass?
YOU used to be the lead dog.
Everybody looked at your ass. :'(
Eventually, your existential thoughts are halted as a frightened Spirit squeals and buries himself into your chest as a bat flies by.
"Hey, hey. It's fine." you say, rubbing his mane. "Nothing to be scared of, they're just the harmless chicken of the cave."
"Kee-paw-choo?"
"The what?" Starlight asks.
"Chicken of the cave."
"You mean the bats? NOPONY calls them 'chicken of the cave', Anon."
"Whatchu talkin' about, Glimmy? Of course they do."
"Most silly thing I hear from ears." one dog remarks.
"Ridiculous."
"Utterly backwards."
"Ruff!"
"Uncultured swines." you mutter.
"Whatever. Spirit, the mean BATS won't hurt you."
"Chicken of the cave."
Soon, you're all bathed in an eerie, red light as the cart rolls out of the cave and over a rocky bridge miles above a boiling lake of LAVA. There at the end lies a tall, spiky gate guarded by two diamond dogs who open the metal doors and revealing a vast yet dusty, smelly town that houses the shadiest folk you'll ever see. Nothing but your usual rat infestations, dark red skies, worn out buildings, weapon vendors and not a speck of vegetation in sight, unless the pungent smell of rotten rutabaga says otherwise.
"Where are we?"
"Bone City." one of the dogs state.
"Looks....cozy." asks a hesitant Star.
"Yeah. If you're Hannibal bucking Lecter!" you comment.
As you're paraded through town, a gruff dog in a black cloak scurries over to Wally and wraps a necklace of expertly cut bones around her quivering neck.
"T-This isn't stolen, is it?" she asks.
"Of course not." the dog hisses. "Listen, anydog asks, I no heard of Bruiser, can't find receipt and, if run into each other on street, call me 'Harry'."
The nervous pony throws off the necklace as the shady creature rushes to parts unknown.
"Nice place ya got here." you quip.
[Norman Bates WISHES he could be this off-putting...]
Soon, a loud gong echoes in a nearby tower and you all watch as every dog rushes past and swarms a gigantic, spike-covered building up ahead.
[I'm still not gonna say it...]
"What's all this ruckus about?"
"The Killiseum. Warrior Week."
"New challengers arrives."
"Take on Alpha."
"Ruff!"
"Who're the challengers?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Your prolonged silences is starting to trouble me deep down."
"Heh heh, ruff..."