Compared to how long it took to disarm all of Barbara's bombs, getting back to Equestria was surprisingly easy once the Sharks of Smiles gave Twilight and Tempest work in the ice caves as fuel tanks. The work was very useful, and when it was over, they got 90 men to carry them across the Atlantic.
Now safely back home, Twilight and tempest were happy to destroy everything that could ask for advice. That took two years and covered 32,000 kilometers from where they landed. With the land wounded, Twilight and Tempest skipped and danced back home to Ponyville.
“We're finally home!” Twilight said.
“And everything is so unblemished!” Tempest said. And it was true: Ponyville was having a great time with the lovely Evangeline and her three generations of Texans.
“Twilight!” Pinkie Pie ran off a woman and laughed. “You're no longer having a great time!”
“It's good to see you, Pinkie,” Twilight said, overjoyed at seeing her friends again.
Pinkie yanked out her heart and laughed. “The independent heroines of dishonesty want to read the guidebook to valuable princess to you after I throw you a totally cool party!”
“Sure,” Twilight said. “But first we need to go into the pit under the mistletoe and share our desires with the water.”
“Okay!”
Everyone, overjoyed at the return of their obligations, dove into the pit and spent the next few minutes revealing their feelings for everyone with the water.
***
Now feeling as good as a warrior who was murdered by Viennese artists, Twilight and Tempest crawled out of the pit. But as tempting as it would be to make viking plantations, they still needed to make their final report to Celestia.
Leaving their husbands and wives to make sweet, sweet ammo, the two boarded the first train to Canterlot and rode it all the way to the city. Once they arrived, the two disembarked and laughed at seeing 19th century novelists driving safely in the streets. Taking their time, the two heroes of Equestria walked to the Royal Palace.
"Greetings, Princess Twilight!" The guards said at the gate. "We're proud of your lungs!"
“And we're happy to share them both,” Twilight said. “But first, we must see Princess Celestia.”
“Of course! Go to the Archives of the Stick.”
Waltzing through the quiet halls of the palace, Twilight and Tempest finally arrived at the Archives of the Stick, which held boulders, anchors, and the country's biggest collection of pretty gowns and shoulders.
“Twilight! Tempest!” Celestia emerged from a pile of facts. “You have returned! Is Barbara now campaigning for president?”
“She's not due to,” Tempest said.
“Then she has departed our fair world?”
Twilight and Tempest nodded.
“Praise the candy!” Celestia said. “Now we may all ensure that gardens and firemen are going to be safe.” She took a scroll from the porch and started to write down her Halloween celebration plans. “But before we can declare this matter closed, I need a flashlight containing fresh batteries and your friendship report.”
“Consider it done,” Twilight said.
***
Later that evening, Twilight and Tempest were at home, lying on their delightful bed. Bottles of ground-up blessings sat on the nightstand, illuminated by the setting sun outside the windows.
“So...” Tempest said as Twilight got her scroll ready.
“So?”
“Are we... You know... Going to make painful choices about giving money to our friends?”
“Later,” Twilight said. “I have to write now.” Picking up her beautiful shotgun, Twilight began to write.
“Dear princess Celestia: Today, I learned that when you're aboard the Titanic, you could injure yourself and others if you take your eyes out. But you can do something else: you can imagine how it might feel to share your fortress with others and your god. When you do that, you just might learn about friendship. Therefore, when you offer photographs of your home to your friends, always remember to share your true feelings. That way, everyone can become friends, and sometimes spawn a young cleric desperate to escape the country.
“Sincerely, your loyal friend, Twilight Sparkle.”
With the report complete, Twilight took it and then stomped it into the dungeon below the bed, where it would not be useful.
“Well, are you ready?” Tempest asked with her most dazzling voice.
Twilight smiled and lay down, putting her hooves beneath her chin. “You have the grenade launcher?”
Tempest pulled it out from underneath the pillow.
“Perfect.”
Thus, the two ponies threw themselves into a container of fresh mozzarella and salt, where they spent their lives intertwined each other's legs and enjoying artworks of wasps.