//------------------------------// // I'm Going to Start Throwing Barrels, You Should Jump Over // Story: Letters from an Evil Empress // by zackepic22 //------------------------------// Dear Best Friends Forever Squad Dear Favorite Student and her Clique Dear Mega Harmony Six Dear Mane Six, Dear Twilight and friends... Okay, so, while I'm going to try and be reasonable about things for the start of this letter, don't be surprised if I decide to go and tear most of you a new one. I mean, I think it'd be deserved at this point. You may not agree, but, I don't really care. I think most of you really almost screwed up... Well, except Pinkie. I think she tried. I've heard some about this business with the buffaloes...I've been feeling verryyyy tempted to step in, and, try and deal with things by myself. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure the tribe you dealt with are all very lovely, but, to be frank, I just don't care. All this stupid business about a stampeding ground being the reason that they try to mess up pony infrastructure? Religious territory? Sure, that's something we could negotiate. Did we mess up important artifacts? We could make reparations. But, usually, those who try messing up with pony efforts to expand and develop, for a reason as stupid, as them being too lazy to find a new way to stampede through? Even though it shouldn't be that hard of a thing for them to figure out?! Well, thats when the flame retardant cap and socks come off, and, I start making examples and burning things...Maybe invite one or two scaly friends to help. Now, granted, from what it sounds like, it seems that things were going pretty at some point. Braeburn and Little Strongheart were going to try and settle things peacefully! ...That is, if you six hadn't been around. There were probably at least a few ponies around that tried to get you to stop-at least, I hope there were-but, you didn't want to listen. Honestly, I think its going to be a while, before I try and send most of you on any serious diplomatic missions. That was just- Honestly, there's no other words, what you did was just stupid! Now, I approve of what Pinkie Pie tried to do. There is truly nothing like trying to get others to listen to your point, through the art of song and dance! Its a great pony tradition, and, I hope it never goes out of style, despite what some elite members of my military might believe. I'm thinking of a certain red coated, blonde maned stallion, to be precise... But, yeah, my age- Errrrr, I mean, some random ponies who were there, and just happened to informed me, told me that I would have really loved the song! ...But, clearly, most of you are insane, and, not appreciative of good musical taste. I wonder if slightly increasing Appleloosan taxes would fix this incredible problem~ And, then, let me guess: There was an overly dramatic fight, possibly involving baked goods? Something potentially similar to my sister's, and soon to be Nephew-in-law's fight in one of the gardens? Did it involve cannons that shot raspberry tarts? Did it include trebuchets, that launch nine flans at the opposing force all at once? Did it include music worthy of an award winning stage musical? If not, then, I don't really care. You five or six were relatively strong catalysts leading up to the events that happened, and, as such, you can expect strongly worded letters from me in the future, though, maybe not ones that others will see? I don't know. But, seriously, if it didn't include a rather masterful showing of pie fu, then, you just need to get in line. At least things were resolved relatively peacefully in the end, I guess, even if it did include sacrificing some of our apple trees...I was really hoping for an increase in apple pies this year. Equestria lives, thrives, and dies on Apple Pie! They're good for the populace, believe me... But, I'm not nearly through with being diplomatic with the buffaloes. Oh, no! I'm going to make sure they have their own agriculture they can rely on, and, maybe find an alternative route for them. Meanwhile, I expect you six to be on your best behavior in the near future... FOR I AM COMING! BWAHAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHAH! Eagerly anticipating my next visit, Empress Daybreaker Yes, Moony, I know I asked the buffalo to test the railway and frontier security for myself... I just didn't know that they would be so dang good at it! ...Also, didn't I tell you to keep that thing muzzled? A present? A peace offering? ...Well, I suppose that'll do, for now. Thank you for the lovely pink velvet cake, Tiberius. No, this does not mean I'll let you eat allllll my cupakes... Also, you still need to apologize to Philomena for muddying up her wings that one time. A cute collar might be nice for presentation, when we go to visit Ponyville~ ...Eh, actually, with what I'm thinking might happen, probably not.