Mom would be very disappointed if she knew I’d been arrested again. The first time was when I had blown my turbo encabulator while sitting on a bench in a public park. The guards thought I was sleeping in it, and hauled me off to the barracks for processing. The second time was while trespassing because I confused a 3 with a 4 and entered the wrong engraver’s forge to deliver mail. The arrest was for presumed package theft, not trespassing. I’m allowed anywhere in Lith if it’s between me and a delivery.
Both of those times, mom had been quite understanding. This time I had been arrested under false pretenses… But I had still shot a pony.
Mom had no idea that I’ve killed before. She knew I delivered mail. She knew I sometimes had to fight off monsters, but I never had the heart to tell her sometimes I had to kill bandits, raiders, and once, a poor pony who I was very certain had just gone insane from cold and hunger and tried to eat me.
If he hadn’t succeeded in ripping my braincase open, I would likely have continued dragging him to town instead of shooting him. That’s the only one I really felt bad about. Well, more bad than the others.
Self defense is one thing. A very necessary thing. It’s different when your attacker is just beyond starving… But he did demonstrate sufficient strength to actually kill me.
On the other hoof, you had the zealot responsible for my visit to this interrogation cell. The only thing I felt bad about here is that my mother’s laser toaster didn’t have sufficient firepower to kill him. First and foremost, because now that zeebra had to live without a hoof and that’s cruel. Killing him would have been the merciful thing, because if he’s ever let go, he’ll just have to live as a burden on others.
Secondly, because if I hadn’t been able to do anything, and those guards had been a second later hundreds of ponies would have been vaporized, and goodness knows how many would have died if the explosion had collapsed part of the tower. Or the entire tower.
Tenpony Tower may have been a hardened building that doubled as a bomb shelter once before… But that was once before. Once. It had taken the hit it was designed to take. Two hundred years ago.
”Also, things meant to handle explosions outside them are not necessarily going to handle explosions inside them just as readily. Remember how you hunt blaidds with bait-mines? Same principle.” Dad added.
There was also that.
I sighed and leaned back in my chair. The old “stainless” steel creaked and groaned as rust flaked off it. With how easy it was to make steel that didn’t actually rust, you’d think that ponies would have less fake stainless laying around. Cheap metal under peeling paint was beginning to be my general impression of Heartland furniture. Another decent export opportunity, and this one would screw over Two Bits’ Mayor!
I looked down at the rust as it scattered down on the floor. The flakes of reddish-brown iron oxide were the only visually stimulating things in this room. It was a four by eight meter concrete box in the basement containing two chairs, a table, and an endless supply of boredom.
No paint on the walls. No power conduits. Nothing. A solid concrete box. Given the large metal door that locked from the outside, this had to be a pre-war holding cell. Why the tower had holding cells in the basement, I had no idea.
I didn’t think it had once doubled as a prison. There was no sign of a bed or toilet having ever been in here.
Of course, it could have always been an interrogation room.
Maybe there had been a small prison in the basement? A place to hold ponies afflicted by Wartime Stress Disorder, or detain criminals caught in the act until authorities could collect them? That would make sense for a public ministry hub.
I started to tap my hooves on the table. This was the fifth time I’d looped through this exact train of thought. It was getting a little old, but I was too nervous to think of anything else.
If they decided I was a conspirator, being down a pump meant I had the strength of a sickly zebra, not a healthy one. Escape would be very difficult. Especially if their prison cells had the same steel door and steel door frames set in concrete as this room. Forcing a door open was out of the question.
”This is why I had that hidden compartment built into my prosthetic leg,” Imaginary dad remarked.
Your Auto-9 wouldn’t be very handy right now though…
I started to tap a more intricate rhythm on the table. Then I leaned forwards. My chair squeaked. It squeaked at a nice F-sharp!
I leaned again. Another F-sharp… What if I scoot the chair across the floor?
I jerked my hips to make the chair slide, producing a slightly warbly C flat.
What about the other directions?
I wiggled more. I had twelve distinct notes!
It begins!
Tap tap-tap tap-squeak! Tap tap-tap tap-squeak! Tap tap-tap tap-squeak! Tap tap-tap tap-squeak! Tap-scoot squeak tap-scoot squeak tap-scoot squeak, and vocals!
“Legionnaires!”
Scoot-squeak-squeak-squeak-scoot-tap! Scoot-squeak-squeak-squeak-scoot-tap! Tap-tap tap scoot!
“Something evil’s watching you! Coming from the stars above, and there’s nothing you can do…”
☢★★◯★★☢
I was midway through my rendition of The Legionnaires in Chair Major when the room’s door flew open. Sky Chaser stood staring at me through the doorway, flanked by two guards. The same two who had escorted me me here.
He looked at me. I looked at him. He just looked back at me. I died of embarrassment.
Sky turned to the two guards with a blank look on his face and asked, “How do you mistake the most bored mare in the world playing with a chair for an escape attempt?”
“Well, she was singing an old war song and it sounded like she was attacking the door with her chair!” Fifty protested.
Sky raised his eyebrow. “War song? Really? I’ve heard recordings of the old Equestrian military songs. That wasn’t anything like them.”
“He means a Zebrican one, sir,” Gauge corrected while Fifty nodded in agreement.
Sky turned to me and asked, “Did the zebras use Mane Metal as their genera of choice for warsongs?”
“Not officially,” I said with a shaky smile and nervous twitch of my tail.
The crew I’d served with tended to rewrite the pieces for less boring instruments…
“Was that a war song?” He asked.
I shook my head. “N— no… Theme song for an old radio show my ca—” I cleared my throat to hide the word. “Old show my friend listened to on holotape religiously.”
Sky trotted into the room and sat down in the chair opposite the table. “It was nice. Well, the lyrics. If you know anypony who can record the music, and this whole incident hasn’t turned you off of our community, you might be able to sell a recording to Homage. She’s always looking for new music.”
“Also, if I’m not imprisoned,” I added, just so he knew I was on the same page as him.
Sky shook his head. “Oh no. We only imprison citizens. If you are guilty of conspiracy to destroy our tower, you’ll be shot.”
I winced. “Oh… Uh… C— Could we use a low caliber pistol for that?” I asked, trying to plead with my Sweetie Eyes.
Sky blinked and looked into my eyes. “Are you admitting guilt?”
I shook my head. “No, but, it feels like a foregone conclusion that you’ll find me guilty…”
Sky frowned and set his hooves on the table. “It is most certainly not! While I do need to investigate the theory in question, I do not think you’re guilty of anything other than smuggling a weapon into my tower.”
I winced. “I’m sorry… I don’t exactly have a mechanic on hoof to take my eye out and unplug it from my skull. Also, it’s technically, it’s a toaster.”
Sky blinked.
“Well, you see, a death-ray is just a toaster with a larger power supply,” I rambled nervously.
Sky clenched his teeth for a moment and made an odd noise. “Okay, look, you don’t need to play adorable to get on my good side. I’m only here because there does need to be an investigation, okay?”
I nodded, and did my best to remain calm. Which meant I teared up and began to shake.
Sky sighed and shook his head then looked me in the eyes. “Look, if you cooperate, we’ll let Naaji go.”
I frowned and wiped my eyes. “Who?”
“You know, Naaji,” Sky pressed.
I gave him a blank look. Sky nodded to himself very slightly. “The bomber.”
“Why?” I said frowning more.
“Well, a full confession seems to warrant a little mercy, and somepony has to let the Pipites know we foiled their plot. Your partner walking across the continent on three hooves is punishment enough,” Sky said casually.
“I thought you didn’t think I did it,” I said with a long sigh.
“Gauge, her bag,” Sky ordered.
I heard a soft thump and looked up to see my courior’s bag had been set on the table. It was nice to see it was in one piece.
“Can you open your bag? We can't get around the enchantments,” Sky ordered with an odd polite tone of voice.
I nodded and undid the clasp then pushed it back to him. Sky dug through my bag and took out the radio hardcase. He tried to open it then frowned. “Where is the key for this box?”
“In a pocket sewn into my scarf,” I answered honestly.
Sky nodded and one of the two guards magically tossed my scarf on to the table. It only took Sky a minute to find the key and open the radio case. He blinked as he looked inside, then whistled.
“Well, I didn’t expect you’d have eight of these… Where are the missing ones?” Sky asked.
“I gave one to the mayor’s secretary in Two Bits, and another to the mayor of Sire’s Hollow.”
Sky inspected the case inside and out. “This aluminum is new… No tarnishing, no scratches… You didn’t find these lying around, and nopony I know could make a custom case for ten radios. The fit would be exact…” He murmured.
My ears perked. I’d completely forgotten about the radio’s case. That would definitely help me prove my claims if I was let go… What was Sky doing, playing good cop bad cop by himself?
”It’s generally frowned upon for an officer to play with themselves on the job,” Imaginary dad remarked.
I’ll say… It’s just confusing and doesn't work.
I swore I heard an actual audible facehoof.
I looked up and frowned as I searched around. “Did somepony just facehoof?”
Sky blinked and looked up from the case. “Actually, I think I heard something too.”
“Yeah,” Gauge remarked, moving away form the door towards something in the outer hall as he slowly drew his shotgun. “Something’s moving…”
Fifty drew his assault rifle and looked around for a moment, then squinted into the distance. “Something’s not right…”
Sky turned around and drew a small pistol from within his jacket, then fired a single warning shot down the hallway. The very-much-not-rubber bullet bit into the concrete near an old fire extinguisher box. “De-cloak right now or I put five rounds into the middle of that shimmer!”
A silky sounding mare sighed. “Okay, fine, you caught me…”
Wait, I knew that voice… “Wait, Homage?”
The patch of wall under the extinguisher shimmered, rippled, and seemed to morph into the little gray mare. I felt my jaw drop as I saw she was wearing a nearly-form fitting black jumpsuit covered in hundreds of little shaped armored plates.
Or, more accurately, when I saw the spiritual energy contained within the small talisman located behind her armor’s breastplate. “WHAT?! They made a stealth suit?!”
I know they had made self-recharging stealth bucks. A suit integrating them would be the next logical step but… Why was it foal-ish sized? Did… Did Equestria manufacture body armor for fillies?
Sky kept his weapon drawn and aimed. “The buck are you doing here? And why the get up? You’re… Allowed to be here, ma’am.”
Homage tapped her hooves nervously. “W— Well, Pip vouched for her, and she’s a cyborg right?”
Sky nodded. “She seems to be… She at least has a laser in her left eye.”
Homage nodded firmly. “Yeah, and you can’t tell she has it! That either means her people can make, or have, cybernetic organs, and they can implant them properly. Buck, they can do it artfully! Which means they have access to actual surgeons. Not the wasteland cyberdocs, actual, proper, cybersurgeons!” Homage sighed and looked down. “You know about Pip’s condition, Sky. I couldn’t let you kill an innocent mare! Especially not one who could maybe find me a pony who could help Pip.”
Sky nodded and holstered his pistol. “Stallions, weapons down.”
“Sir?” Fifty said with a frown. “She was plotting to—”
“To help her dying wife who also controls the weather,” Sky finished. “Weapons down. If either of you report this, I’ll consider it insubordination.”
Fifty and Gauge nodded. “Yes, sir,” they said in unison.
Sky looked back to homage. “Three questions. First, is this how you kept escaping the Enclave during the war?”
Homage nodded. “Yeah. Jokeblue and I picked this up back in the day.”
“Okay. Why didn’t you give it to Pip?” Sky asked.
Good question. It would fit her, right? She was smol too… I think.
“Because it’s personalized,” Homage said adamantly. “Also, she had a mark two Stealthbuck. Basically the same thing.”
There was something more to it than that… Likely sentimental in some way.
Sky nodded. “Alright. Now, how were you planning on getting Gears out of here?”
Homage bit her lip. “Uh, well… Gas you guys with a stun grenade, toss her a stealthbuck and get her out the gates before it wore off.”
Sky slowly raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh… And, she wouldn’t be knocked out because… ?”
“Cyborg powers, obviously,” Homage remarked as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
I shot her a glare configuration. “Shhh!”
Sky turned around to look at me. “Her plan would have worked?”
“Well, the gas part, yes,” I admitted sheepishly. “Can we not talk about how much metal I have in me?”
Sky nodded the nod of a stallion who realized he was embarrassing a mare and turned back to Homage. “The only reason you get to keep all your old adventuring toys up in your room is because you’re on the council, isn’t it?”
Homage laughed nervously. “Uh, yeah, sure, council reasons! Let's go with that…”
“They have no idea you're not keeping it in the armory,” Sky said flatly, his face immediately entering a full deadpan stare.
“No…” Homage admitted, then sighed. “Look, I know you're going to tell me if I ever do something like this again, you won't let it go. I get that… But, please don’t tell them I keep my kit in my room. Most of it is irreplaceable, and you know stuff goes missing from that armory all the time! I’ll bet your two guys right here keep their favorite guns under their beds, don't you?”
Homage turned and looked at both guards, who sheepishly nodded.
“Yeah… I do,” Fifty admitted slowly.
Gauge cleared his throat. “Was waiting until you had a less busy day to bring up the armory security problem… Most of us are pretty sure the Quartermaster is selling the good stuff and pocketing the caps.”
Sky narrowed his eyes, and I felt a little twinge of fear for the quartermaster. “I’ll look into that,” he said firmly. “But, last question, did Pip really vouch for her?”
My heart soared. Homage was on the council. That’s probably why she was getting away with this. No, scratch that. Definitely! If she vouched for me it would probably work.
Wait. If that were true, why did she resort to going all Sturdy Slither to try and help me? Not that it wasn't the most flattering thing anypony had ever—
”You have coins in your bag. Flip one!”
I took a deep breath. Shut, up, dad!
Homage nodded. “Yeah. While we were talking Pip woke up, recognized her. She came from the north, she’s saved a whole town of ponies, she’s not the kind of pony who would conspire to kill hundreds, or even risk killing hundreds if those eggs went off.”
I nodded. “That’s why I shot for the detonator. If I went for the head or heart he could have fallen over onto the button and killed us all.”
Sky nodded again then stood up. “Miss Gears, you’re free to go.”
I blinked. “Just like that?”
Sky nodded. “Of course. Pip vouched for you. You obviously had no idea who the other Zebra was. If you’d known his name your micro expressions would have told me you were pretending not to know him. What’s more, while I could see finding a single intact, like-new condition radio and using it for a false flag operation. I can’t see finding ten, and even if you did, nopony or organization I know could make a new aluminum case for all ten. That’s more than enough evidence for me. You’re free to go. I’m sorry for the inconvenience and any embarrassment.”
I nodded and reached for my bags to strap them back on. Nopony seemed like they would stop me, so I repacked the radios, slid my bags onto my back, and buckled everything up.
I turned to Homage and offered her the most grateful smile I could. “Thanks. That was almost the nicest thing anypony’s ever done for me.”
Homage coughed and awkwardly smiled back. “Uh, well, I mean, it didn’t work, so…”
“Still, it was very romantic of you to risk everything for her like that,” I said, fully knowing I hadn’t been her primary motivation.
She blushed and wiggled her hips slightly. “It was nothing… I get the feeling you’d do the same for me if you knew I was innocent.”
Sky cleared his throat and pointed to the door. “Show’s over. You two don’t have to go home, but you can’t lez it up in here.”
My cheeks burned red.
Homage snorted. “I forgot you had a sense of humor!”
“Yeah, well, not counting today we’ve met what, twice?” Sky said with a smile. “No, but seriously. Please clear the interrogation room. We’ve got another zebra to talk to.”
Homage nodded and turned to walk down the hallway. “Come on… We should talk. We’ll take the servants passage to my room. I’d cloak again, but then you wouldn’t have somepony to follow. Also, I’d rather not let the whole tower know I have this…”
“That’s fair,” I agreed, trotting along behind her.
☢★★◯★★☢
Homage had a nice room. A council perk, probably. It was up near the top floor, and had definitely been a penthouse suite before the war. It had lovely oak wood panel-walls, and a plush mulberry carpet which smelled like Homage had actually cleaned it recently!
The furniture was also very well taken care of, though definitely old and in need of lots of TLC to keep them in use. Every scrap of cloth was patched or sewn back up. Wood was scuffed, dinged, and ‘fixed’ with whatever came to hoof that didn’t make it look too ugly.
She had everything arranged nicely too. Her suite’s living room had a couch, a table, a comfy chair, and a bookshelf! There was also a small kitchen (without any working appliances), a bedroom, bathroom, and a room she wouldn’t let me look in which was where Homage left her stealth suit once we arrived.
I so wanted a look in there! She had the door padlocked and everything! There had to be some cool things in it. Maybe she had a nice pony-portable cannon! We could go explode the billboard with it!
Homage sat down in the chair across from my spot on the couch and smiled. “I think you’re a little too big to try out my suit.”
I blushed. “Um, well… Why is it foal sized?”
“How well do you keep secrets?” Homage asked curiously, almost like she was deflecting the question.
“Perfectly,” I answered truthfully.
Homage raised an eyebrow.
I frowned. “What?”
“You don’t think it’s suspicious to answer “perfectly” to that question?” Homage asked with a raised eyebrow.
I shook my head. “No. Context makes it clear you want to know how good I am at keeping information private which isn’t anything I’d need to act on, just something I would know about. I would never willingly betray a friend’s confidence. Unless ordered to tell the information by my queen, tortured, or somepony hacks into my memory, anything I am asked to keep private, I keep private.
“Since I cannot be reasonably expected to disobey Her Majesty, endure all possible tortures forever, and/or magically become hack-proof, my ability to keep information private cannot be further improved. Therefore, my secret keeping is perfect.”
Homage smiled at me then laughed. “You’ve got a weird way of thinking there, Gears… But I like it. I’ll tell you the story of my suit, if you promise me you’ll tell me about your cybernetics, specifically how you got them.”
I frowned. Well, she already knew… And she seemed to think it was cool. Maybe she’d like the fact that I was a robot? I suppose there might be ponies who found that kinky or something.
”Annnd, tails!”
Shut, up, dad!
Homage stood up and trotted over to the living room window, and looked out through the cracked, filthy glass over the decaying ruins of Manehattan. “A long time ago, my friend Jokeblue and I were… Well, we’ll say we were adventurers. We had this little idea, that we could find a place where ponies of all tribes could come to start rebuilding. Back then, we thought the only problem was the danger out there in the Wasteland, so if we could make a safe place, an actually safe place, then everything could slowly go back to the way our great-grandmothers said it had been, you know?”
I nodded. “I assume you found a research lab?”
Homage shook her head. “No… We were way out west, in what’s now the Herd. I won't tell you where, just in case somepony else is listening. We found an old Equestrian Military base, and it seemed perfect.
“The place was huge, and the robots were still active. Rusty, breaking down, but active. That meant either ponies lived there, or nopony had set hoof behind that rusting fence in two hundred years and we had a whole military base ripe for the picking.”
Homage trotted back to the chair and sat down. “We staked the place out for a month and no pony came, went, or did anything in the whole compound. Totally abandoned, just robots. We’d hit the jackpot! See, I’m great with robots. If I hadn’t gotten my cutiemark for working with radios, it would have been for working with robots. Joke made a little distraction, I snuck up on a Mister Gutsy, hacked into its matrix, and suddenly Joke and I were two of the ponies it had last allowed into the base.”
I shifted to get a little more comfortable. It seemed like a long story. “I see. Are there more of these suits?”
Homage shook her head. “Nope. Well, there could be... But there’s just this one that I know of. See, the base was not a general Equestrian Military base. It was way smaller. As far as I can tell it was there for like, a single platoon troops and their support ponies. You know, their own dedicated engineers, janitors, cooks, medics, those guys. You don’t just put one platoon of normal infantry in a base in the middle of nowhere. That base design screamed special forces. Joke and I spent a lot of time making the place livable and reprogramming the security so we could bring new ponies in to live there.
“The place had a hydroponic garden, tons of stored ammo, construction supplies, the works! The perfect score… It also had something really interesting. We called it ‘the Forge’, capital ‘f’. It was like a closet in the armory. Once we got the main computer up and running, that thing switched on. Took awhile to figure out what it was. Turns out it made custom armor! Set up what you want on the terminal, walk into the booth, it scans you and it builds armor around you.
“We thought it was a miracle straight from Celestia. We could have a town with perfect tailored armor! Hell, we could have built new power armor if we wanted to use up that much raw material. It couldn't make stuff from nothing, obviously, but we could trade for more supplies. We could have made a town with guards decked out like Steel Rangers! Except…”
Homage laughed and shook her head. “The Wasteland is cruel…”
I winced. I knew how old pre-war computers being turned on in ancient inactive bases generally went… “Turning on the main computer undid your hack, didn’t it?”
Homage nodded and sighed. “Yep. It didn’t change anything for about an hour, but nothing else could have done it. “Unauthorized personnel detected. Exterminate with maximum prejudice.” In hindsight, shoulda been obvious. The base became a death-trap. Pop-up turrets everywhere, brand new, perfectly preserved robots in hidden compartments, the place even tried to call for reinforcements.”
Homage shivered and closed her eyes. “I still don’t really know how we got out of Star Drop HQ alive.”
I frowned. Why was that name familiar? “My mother and I had several similar encounters with mostly-intact pre-war bases. None of them were military, but Ministry Hubs tended to be just as well defended, from what we saw.”
Homage snorted and smiled. “Glad I don’t need to go into detail then… I can only imagine how much more suck dealing with that base would have been if it were all iced up.”
She leaned forward in her seat and looked me in the eye. Specifically, my left. “Your turn. Why does using your laser melt off your eye? For that matter, how's it growing back every time?”
Ah! I see what she wanted to know. I frowned and shook my head. “My healing talisman won’t be able to help Pip. It’s only for this specific zebra pelt, eyes, and uh… Bodily orifices.”
Homage frowned. “It’s not general purpose?”
I snorted and waved a hoof in dismissal.
“Of course not! You think if Lith had one of the like, hundred of those ever made, it would be given to one zeeb?” I actually laughed at the idea. “Her Majesty would put it on an airship and have it fly from village to village as a mobile hospital, obviously.”
Homage nodded understandingly. “Worth a shot… Still, I’ve seen a few other cyborgs with MEWs built into them. The barrel always shows. Why not with you? And can you use that eye? Most of them are blind in their gun-eye.”
“I can see just fine,” I answered truthfully. “If I had a high-powered laser in my eye then I would necessarily be blind to accommodate the hardware. But it’s a very small laser originally meant for toasting bread while slicing it—”
“... what?” Homage asked through puckered lips.
“My mom really likes toast,” I said with a grin. “I uh, I took it out and rebuilt it into a derringer-like weapon.”
Homage winced and slid closer to me… An odd combination, I thought. “Why would you do that? To win a badflank contest?”
“No, so I could be certain I always had a backup weapon.”
“Yeah, but, that had to hurt! Self surgery is not fun,” Homage countered, still wincing.
“Sure, it hurt, but it was more self-machining,” I said with an awkward blush. “The uh… The outer layers over my eye is all there is in terms of squishy-meat-pony-bits around my eye.”
Homage nodded understandingly, then a weirdly childlike mischievous look overtook her face. “All of the ‘meat-bits’ migrated to your flanks, right?”
I gave her my best deadpan stare.
She giggled. “Sorry… I can’t help it. Just who I am.”
”That was beautifully terrible. You have my permission to date her,” Imaginary dad informed.
Shut, up, dad!
I sighed. “No. My mom helped me resculpt my body when I was worried I wasn’t attractive and that’s why I’m still single… We used a comic book as the template because—”
“It was Swordmares, wasn’t it?” Homage asked with a toothy grin.
“No!” I huffed. “It was…” I thought back for a few moments then smiled as I remember the name. “Megamare! That was it.”
Homage sorted then almost fell out of her chair laughing. I felt my ears droop. “What’s so funny?”
“Same artist and author,” Homage said between laughs. “I bucking knew it!”
I crossed my forelegs over my barrel and sat there indignantly while Homage finished laughing. Once she was down she sat back up with a sigh then blinked. “Wait, resulpted… How cybernetic are you?”
I bit my lip nervously. “A lot cybernetic…”
She gave me a look which said ‘I know you’re holding something back’.
My ears drooped. “...e— entirely cybernetic…”
Homage’s eyes widened. She’d not expected that. “Wait, like… You’re nothing but replacement limbs and organs hooked into a brain with your old pelt wrapped around them?”
I took a deep breath and squirmed awkwardly. “No?”
Homage winced. “That's not your fur, is it?”
Yes, we’ll go with that angle!
“It is now…” I muttered quietly.
I really didn’t want to think about where my fur came from. Odds are good mom cloned it from a tissue sample. Or, at least, had somepony do that for her. She didn’t do biological science.
She shivered and gave her left foreleg a little rub, as if checking an old wound. “What the hay happened to you?”
I coughed, not wanting to lie or misdirect around a mare who clearly knew when somepony wasn’t being totally honest. “My mom made me.”
Homage tilted her head. “Wait, she, like, just augmented you to augment you?”
Well, that was not accurate, but it was correct.
“Pretty much,” I agreed with a nod.
“Let’s skip the why for now, since that’s definitely making you really uncomfortable,” Homage said with a kind smile. “Could you tell me exactly how many of your organs are mechanical? It’s important.”
Ohhh, she wanted to know if we could replace anything Pip might need replaced!
“This is about whether or not my mom could replace Pip’s heart, or lungs, or whatever else she might need, isn’t it?” I asked, deflecting things away from me before I had to explain that I was effectively a ghost in a shell and she got creaped out.
“Yeah…” Homage said with a sigh. “Also to learn about you. I like you.”
I blushed lightly. “... Even though I’m basically a pile of parts in the shape of a mare?”
“If it trots like a pony, acts like a pony, and talks like a pony, it’s a pony,” Homage said with sincerity. “If it trots like a sexy girl pony, acts like a sexy girl pony, talks like a sexy girl pony, goes around risking its life for others just because that’s the right thing to do, and my current sexy girl pony is okay with my polyamory for multiple reasons, then, I’m going to see if the sexy heroine pony is interested in me, Celestia dammit! Even if she’s got a metal heart or whatever.”
I squirmed and tapped my hooves together. “What if she doesn't have one of those?”
Homage rolled her eyes. “I don’t care what you’re heart’s made of. That was the entire point of that mini-rant, Gears.”
“I uh, I mean I don’t have a heart,” I explained. “Of any kind. The closest I get is the two coolant pumps for my reactor core.”
Homage ears perked up. “Wait, no heart. No need to circulate blood… Are— Are you a Robobrain?” She asked, her jaw dropping slightly before she jumped up. “You have to be! Only way to keep a brain alive without blood is bio-neural gel, and if you’re going that far that means your whole body is prosthetic!”
I bit my lip and nodded. “Y— yeah… I am the Robobrain Mark III Lab Prototype…”
And here’s where she stops liking m—
Homage zipped across the livingroom and hugged me tight for a moment before letting go. “Gears, you’re wonderful! It’s obvious you’ve had ponies turn you down because of what you are. I don’t care—”
Homage paused and frowned, letting go of me.
I frowned back. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s probably true…”
If she was like the other pony who almost went out with me, she just realized we’d never have foals together and that was going to be the deal breaker.
“You can have sex, right?” She asked seriously. “Like, if you wanted to. It’s not just cosmetic, is it?”
Oh!
I squirmed awkwardly. “I, uh… Theoretically? Mom’s superiors insisted my model be able to seduce the enemy if required. I know she finished that subsystem, but I’ve uh… I’ve never gotten to try.”
Homage’s ears perked up. “Awesome! Okay, here’s the plan. We get your mom to make Pip a new body and the three of us have just, the most awesome day ever, then the hottest evening ever. She liked the threesome we had before so…”
Homage trailed off again. This time she slowly slumped down onto the floor and stared silently at the carpet. My tail flicked nervously. “W— What’s wrong?”
“Your body was made for infiltrating Zebrica,” Homage said quietly.
I nodded. “Yes.”
“You’re two hundred years old,” she said equally quietly.
I nodded again.
“Your mother’s long dead… Isn’t she?” She asked quietly.
Oh! Yeah, that would definitely be an issue. I had to remember Homage was sharp witted. If she put together that much from one tiny slip of the tongue… Actually, buck it! At this point, just be fully honest with her.
“No,” I said with a smile as I stood up. “Mom’s still alive.”
Homage eyes widened. “She put herself into a synthetic body too! Of course she would, she was at the very least on the MAS team building them! Sorry, I can be stupid sometimes. Can you still make Mark Threes?”
I shook my head. “No. At least, not right now… If we had some military help to retake the Crystal City, then yes. I’ve been told that’s the only way I’ll ever get replacement parts for my unique systems. Which means if mom had access she could definitely build another Mark III.”
Homage nodded, and I could see the gears turning in her eyes as she began to plot. I frowned and squirmed a little then sat on the floor in front of her.
“Homage?”
She looked up. “Yes?”
“You’re… Not playing with my emotions so I’ll make sure Pip lives, are you?”
Homage’s face pulled into a shocked and hurt look that made my insides turn uncomfortably.
“NO! I genuinely think you’re a wonderful mare and would love to go on a date sometime! I understand it might look like that, but, I mean, you’ve literally given me a way to avoid my worst nightmare. Of course I’m also going to see if the synth-zebra made from unique technology can help somepony I love. That doesn't mean I don’t like you for you!”
I was tempted to say prove it, but chose not too. Instead I nodded. At the least I could pretend. After all, if it’s too good to be true… It probably is.
I took a deep breath and shifted gears. Let's be the better mare and give her what she wants. I wouldn’t let a pony die if I could help them. “We could trade cybernetics right now, but not in bulk. It is very difficult to source materials. I’ve had to go months without replacement parts if more than one other person needed augmentation or repairs. But we do stockpile basic synthetic organs and replacement limb parts so we can heal injured ponies. There will be something we can do for Pip. I’ll put you in touch with—”
Homage suddenly leaned forward, wrapped her forelegs around my shoulder and kissed me. Her touch felt warm, caring, and happy. I melted in her legs, sliding down into a happy pile of zebra on the carpet with a happy sigh.
Homage giggled and let go. “That help?”
”Sweetie, seriously! She’s into you! She has a thing for robots. Or heros. Robotheros. Herobots? No, that’s crap… Robros? No, wait. Lesbian… Lesbots!”
I nodded. “Yeah…”
“Trust me,” Homage said as she scooted up against my side to rest her head on my barrel. “Even if Pip were alive, well, and sitting next to me when we met, I’d still flirt with you. Hay, I’d still take you out if she didn’t mind. I don’t think she would. She had a major thing for Velvet the entire time we were able to freely date. She’d understand that when I ran into another mare who's my type I’d like her too. You’re a hero, Gears… And like, those flanks! Seriously! I don’t care that they’re artificial, I like silicone!”
I felt my cheeks turn the brightest pink. “One minute,” I said as I reached into my saddlebag for my coin purse.
Homage frowned curiously. “What is it? Wait, do you have a toy? Cuz while I’m not in the mood right now, I mean, I’ll get in it if you want to—”
I took out the little bag and fished a single bit out of it. Homage stopped talking and stared at me oddly as I flipped the coin, let it fall, then turned it over so it was tails.
“Uhhh…”
“Oh look, it’s tails!” I said to myself.
And also Dad.
”Good! Now, just don’t blow it with her and you’re all set to finally have your own family. I’mma leave you two alone for a bit. Cuz reasons.”
I stood up and put the coin away.
“What was the coin for?” Homage purred.
I blushed and swished my tail awkwardly. “Oh... Uh, well, you see, when I was little, I couldn’t figure out if I liked mares or stallions because both can be extremely attractive. So I asked my mom to help me figure out my orientation, and she said that lots of ponies had problems figuring themselves out and I should just pick one like she did.”
Homage gave me the same look Wander had. “W— wait, you flipped a coin… And you've spent at least two hundred years exclusively going for stallions, because, I assume, it came up heads?”
I nodded. “Right. I couldn’t pick, so I coin flipped. But you like me, so, uh… I changed the coin toss?”
Homage nodded slowly. “Okay… So, do you know what bisexual means?”
I frowned and tried to puzzle the meaning out by the root words. Bi, meaning two. Sexual, meaning relating to biological reproduction…
I gasped. “There are ponies with both sets of parts?! That’s awesome! I wouldn’t have to choose one!”
Homage closed her eyes and exhaled heavily. “Gears, no…”
My ears drooped. “There aren't? Oh…”
“Well, there are… Mutants… Dated one for a bit,” Homage said awkwardly.
“Then what was the no for?” I asked with a worried frown.
“Look, it’s okay to like both. That’s a thing lots of ponies do,” Homage said firmly.
I nodded. “I know.”
She blinked. “But… You exclusively went for stallions?”
“Right. Because I tossed a coin.”
“Oh! You meant to decide between ponies?”
“No, to see if I was straight or gay,” I replied.
Homage facehooved and groaned. I heard Imaginary dad join her. I blushed awkwardly and scooted away, feeling like I was being exceptionally stupid.
“I uh… I changed for you, since only mares seem to like me that way,” I murmured quietly.
“How sheltered were your parents?” Homage asked quietly.
“Well, my mom grew up in a MAS lab and didn’t meet my dad until after the war… He was a SWAT pony. He uh, he never gave me the talk though. He said that was mom’s job because I’m a mare.”
”Yeah… That was my B. Should’a done that myself.”
I agree. You had to have known way more than mom.
Homage took a deep breath and sat up. “Okay, so, Gears… It’s okay to uh… Change orientation any time you want. Just, make things match up to whomever you find sexy at the time. That's totally fine. Got it?”
I frowned. “It is?”
She nodded. “Yep!”
I crossed my forelegs and pouted. “Wish mom told me that… I’ve wasted so many chances… Possibly? I don’t know… Wasn’t paying attention to mares. Because, you know. Coin toss.”
Homage groaned for some reason.
“What's wrong?” I asked curiously.
“Just… Trying not to judge a fish by its ability to climb trees,” Homage applied through a long sigh.
I frowned, realizing that the awkwardness of our conversation probably put her out of the mood for cuddles. As nice as those thirty six seconds had been, and as eager as I was to get my second ever not-with-mom-or-dad cuddles, I decided I should probably change the subject and get things flowing like they had been before.
I did file away the question of why anypony would ever judge an aquatic life form by the standards of an arboreal creature for later though.
Imaginary Dad groaned for some reason. I ignored him.
I cleared my throat. “You’re DJ Pon3, right?”
Homage nodded. “Yeah. Why?”
“Can you access the broadcast relay?”
She nodded. “Yes… Why?”
“Well, we could call my Queen and ask what cybernetics we have in stock and what she’d trade for them. Maybe she’ll be willing to make a deal with you specifically to help prove we’re really out there and show off a little of what we can do for you!” I suggested.
Homage rolled over and hopped up onto her hooves. “That’s a great idea! Lets go!”
☢★★◯★★☢
To my surprise, Homage left P!P in her room. It made sense she hadn’t brought her robot friend with her to try to break me out, it would have been visible while she wasn’t. Since it was Pip’s lifeline to her, however, I couldn’t understand why we weren't bringing it with us in case she woke up while we had Her Highness on the radio to talk to.
I didn’t want to ask in public, in case their link through P!P was private, so I spent the short trip to the broadcast room in silence, just trotting behind Homage and wondering if she would enjoy stripypone back rides.
I mean, she was small enough to ride on my back, but only just barely, and it had been fun to carry the Hellhound pups around. Homage wasn’t too much bigger than their pups had been.
Homage led me through the tower proper. It was nice to get to see more of the old-world’s preserved remains. And even nicer to pass Earl Gray as the undressed zebra mare I was while flirting with his boss. The look on his face really warmed my core.
Cooled my core? Yeah! Cooled my core. That’s a good re-work of the phrase.
It wasn’t long before we arrived at a pair of double doors leading into an old M.A.S. Emergency Broadcast Station. As Homage unlocked the doors, I noticed the room’s sign had a second line of text below it. Authorized Unicorns Only.
I smiled, feeling the opportunity for a joke.
“Oh no…” I said with a fake frown.
Homage turned around with a worried look. “What’s wrong?”
I pointed to the sign. “I can’t go in, I’m not a unicorn!”
She stared at me for several seconds then started to tear up. “Please don’t be that dumb!”
I frowned and gave her a quick hug. “I’m sorry! I was trying to be silly… Wait, do you think I’m dumb?”
I felt my ears fall down all the way.
Homage shook her head firmly and gave me a hug. “No! I mean, if you had been serious just then it would be a deal breaker for me. I don’t think you’re dumb, Gears. You’re… a bit uneducated when it comes to adult relationships. But I’ve fixed that before!”
“Oh,” I sighed in relief and smiled. “Good!”
Homage flashed me an odd smile. “Better than good, if you ask me!”
“So… Great, then?” I asked, slightly confused.
Homage opened the doors and waved me inside… and showed me exactly how DJ Pon3 seemed to know everything in the Wasteland in real time!
The broadcast room was also the hub for a spy network! The entire room was little more than a big circular bank of computers, screens and terminals. There were hundreds of monitors, big and small, all of which showed birds eye views of the entire wasteland! Or at least, what felt like the entire wasteland.
I gasped. “This is how you knew about Magebridge!”
“Mhm. Pip’s brain’s jacked right into the central hub of this network too,” Homage commented as she shut the doors. “That’s why the Pipites think she’s omniscient. What they don’t know is she can only really pay attention to four cameras at once.”
I took a few more steps into the room. One of the terminals beeped, Prompting Homage to look at it in surprise as a synthesized voice greeted, “Good Evening, Doctor Swan.”
“Huh, okay… Either that’s broken or—”
“It’s just reading mom’s ID card. It’s in my head,” I mentioned, running a hoof through my mane.
“Y— you have a working MAS ID?!”
I nodded. “Mhm… Can I ask you something?”
“Sure!” Homage said with an eager smile.
“Why did you leave your robot at home?”
Homage smile faded slightly, then came back. “Is it okay if I say I did bring my robot?”
I sighed. Again with this… “Well, no? Technically I am a form of robot. Cyborg is more accurate since I incorporate organic parts.”
“But it’s not offensive?” Homage asked as she made her way to a broadcast control panel near a microphone.
“No. Just technically inaccurate,” I said with a diplomatic smile. “I meant… What did you call it? P-not-P?”
“Yeah! The terminal character for the math expression ‘not’ is an exclamation point, which looks like an upside down i. The name’s short for “Pip but not Pip” and can be abbreviated to something similar to her name,” Homage explained as she began to adjust the radio’s controls. “What frequency are we using?”
“In a minute, I’m still interested about why you left uh, her?” I repeated.
Homage took a deep breath. Her shoulders slumped.
“I left P!P behind because Pip can listen through her, even if she doesn't want to make herself known at the time. I'd rather ask forgiveness than permission when it comes to keeping the love of my life alive,” Homage said as she started to cry. “Even if she leaves me over it…”
I winced, starting to understand the issue here. “You must love her a lot.”
“I— I do. She always thinks of me… I mean that, you’ll see when you read her story. It’s basically a written record of a memory orb,” Homage murmured. “When she learned she couldn’t come out of the pod again, she told me it was okay if we divorced, so I wouldn’t be… alone. I told her I didn’t want to leave her. She said I didn’t have to. That she’d accept anypony I chose to be intimate with as a herd, so I’d have someone to help me through this.”
Homage stopped for a moment to cry, so I hugged her tightly, prompting her to continue and making me think for an instant she was one of those dolls that spoke when you squeezed them.
“Pip knows she dying. She wants me to be happy. She said I should find somepony else to be with. I know she wants me to have somepony to hold when she dies. But— No matter what it costs me, I will not let her wither away and die in that horrible machine!”
Up to and including losing her over Pip’s implied hatred of the idea of being part-machine.
”Damn… I’ll bet she could wield the Element of Loyalty if she wanted. Too bad there’s no way those survived the war,” Imaginary Dad remarked.
Good thing she has me to help her instead then.
I let go of Homage and pointed to the broadcast controller. “Let’s see what mom can do for her. A relay this big shouldn’t need to be pointed north to reach our airship-relay… Set the radio to transmit on 27.989 MHz using an APCO-25 encryption on channel 8.”
Homage nodded and made the adjustments, turned around and levitated the microphone to her. “Okay, here goes… Who am I calling?”
“Queen Katydid of Lith,” I answered immediately.
Homage took a quick breath then murmured, “Feels weird to use this without the DJ voice…” then pressed the transmission switch down.
“Good evening, my name is Homage. I’m trying to speak to Queen Katydid of Lith. Come in, over.”
Homage waited a good ten seconds before repeating herself. After another ten seconds and request for her Majesty, she looked over to me. “Are you sure that the frequency was correct?”
I nodded. “Mhm. We use directional antenna. They’re probably trying to aim one at us so they can reply.
“Oh!” Homage said with a knowing nod. “Homage to Lith airship, aim your antenna at Manehattan. Over.”
Six seconds later, the radio crackled. “Homage, this is the R.A.T. Sandfly. Standby for transmission relay to Pomare. Link will be two-way and continuous. Please do not cease transmission until your conversation has finished as doing so will necessitate a recalibration of our encryption equipment. Over.”
Homage’s ears perked. I sat down, knowing this might be a little lengthy. “They have fancy encryption boxes!” Homage hissed quietly.
I nodded in agreement.
A moment later the radio crackled again, and the pleasant voice of Queen Katydid’s unicorn form came through the speaker. “Hello, Homage. This is Queen Katydid of Lith. May I ask if that is the name of an organization or individual?”
“An individual, your Highness. My name is Homage. I am calling along with your Courier, Whirling Gears,” Homage said as politely as she could.
I decided I should follow the proper protocols. “Apologies for failing to introduce her, your highness. Miss Homage is a member of the Twilight Society, the ruling council of a city built in and around Tenpony Tower in Manehattan.”
“A pleasure to meet you, Councilmare,” Her Majesty greeted. “Thank you for allowing my Courier to use your radio. I’ve been hoping to hear a report from her since I was contacted by the Mayor of Sire’s Hollow two days ago.”
I smiled happy Bluegrass had actually called her. Then, I cleared my throat. “Your Majesty—”
Homage eeped and hissed, “You used highness a minute ago, which is it?”
“Both are correct,” Her Majesty informed casually. “I am a Canterlot Ghoul composed of a pony and a changeling. I told my people to use highness for my pony half, and majesty for my changeling half… It was a joke at the time, but that is how things are done now.”
“Oh,” Homage said with remarkable calm. “Good to know.”
I cleared my throat. “Miss Homage is not calling on official business. She would like to make a personal trade with us to help prove to her community that we can trade what we claim too, and also to solve a personal problem of hers.”
Her Majesty was silent for a moment. “I can see how that would be a good idea. Miss Homage, feel free to request anything reasonably of me.”
Homage looked over to me. I nodded and gestured to the microphone. “Ask! She’s really nice!”
“I would like to request the services of Doctor Swan, as a medical necessity for my wife, along with any artificial organs she may need to survive,” Homage asked slowly. “This… This may require a full conversion similar to Gears.”
Her Highness laughed. “That’s a nice joke, Gears. Please, Miss Homage, make your request now.”
Homage ears fell. Tears started to well up in her eyes. I glared at the microphone. “Your Highness, I’m afraid that this is no joke. Her wife has been trapped in a failing stasis pod for over a decade and is a person of extreme importance to the New Canterlot Republic who I can confirm is in terrible health at present.”
“My sincerest apologies, Homage!” You could practically hear Her Highness backpedaling. “A full body prosthesis is as ridiculous a request for us as asking for a chocolate cake. On several occasions Gears has asked if it would be possible to build her a coltfriend. I believed she was continuing that old joke we share between us.”
“That’s true,” I squeaked, looking away from Homage so I couldn’t see how she reacted to that.
Her Highness continued. “Miss Homage, maintaining Gears is all we can do. We simply lack the materials to make certain cybernetics. We can provide limbs, hearts, lungs, and spines, but livers, kidneys, and other organs are currently impossible for us to construct. Additionally, Robobrains of Gears’ generation are simply impossible to produce without access to facilities currently buried under crystal, bloodice, and windigos.
“I am willing to provide any organs we can, as well as Doctor Swan’s services in their installation and configuration, but if she is as ill as you imply by asking for a Robobrain Mark III for her, I’m afraid it’s unlikely that will be sufficient to save her life.”
Homage nodded and thought for a moment. “She is in very bad condition. She’s a Stable Dweller, from a Stable where inbreeding became a problem. She’s not all that hardy to begin with… Then she was wounded repeatedly and severely many times stopping a slaver king, killing a creature that was arguably a deity, and toppling the entire Enclave. She means a lot to everypony here… If there’s anything at all that could help aside from cybernetics… Wizards, surgeons, Wizard-surgeons, I’d happily give anything I can for it.”
I cleared my throat to make sure Her Majesty wouldn’t interrupt before I could clarify, “Her wife, Littlepip, is something of a local demigod and is currently in control of the weather, somehow.”
“You got those damn towers working?” Her Highness asked in surprise.
What did towers have to do with this? Aaaagh! I should have read the book Homage mentioned before suggesting we call!
Homage raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. Why?”
“Nothing. Never mind. Old grudges… and bets,” her Highness audibly moved in her seat then called “Livery, please make a note to pretend not to know Bright Eyes if she happens to be alive still. I’m not paying the interest on that bet!”
Homage and I shared a look and a snicker before Her Majesty continued, with her composure restored. “It might be possible to send a medical team south for a short time… We have some issues up here to take care of which are occupying my air fleet, but I can probably spare a small ship. Can Littlepip be moved?”
Homage shrugged. “I don’t know? I’m not a doctor… But when you're not a doctor and you can tell someone is dying just by their voice…” She took a moment then added. “I have some medical data from the SPP. It sporadically transmits reports to my broadcast station. I can’t make heads or tails of it. I could transcribe the last one and have a courier deliver it to your airship.”
“The Single Pegasus Project had a very robust medical monitoring system,” Her Majesty remarked to herself. “The only better thing we could have a report from would be an auto-doc. If you get that to us, I can have my doctors tell you if she can be treated.”
Homage nodded and smiled a little, happy to make some progress but clearly sad it wasn’t very much.
“Sure thing. I’ll start writing it down right away,” Homage said as she started to look for a pencil and paper. “Gears? There’s got to be a pen or something somewhere in this broadcast station. Help me look!”
I turned to begin looking just as Her Highness asked, “Broadcast Station? My radio shows you in Manehattan… Tenpony Tower… You’re using the old MAS Emergency Broadcast station, correct?”
“Yes, why?” Homage asked. “Wait! You’re pre-war and apparently the heir to the Crystal Empire. Do you know what the big button on the broadcast panel shaped like the Crystal heart did?”
“Don’t push it,” her Highness said immediately.
“Can’t, it’s broken. That’s why I said ‘did’.”
“Good! What I meant is there’s no need to allow your special somepony to waste away in a tin can longer than necessary,” her Highness elaborated just as I found a pen. “That Broadcast Station isn’t just for radio and television, it can also send data to terminals.”
“That system’s broken,” Homage sighed. “We tried to set up a term-link network for the NCR but the whole thing is burnt out.”
“Oh we don’t need Term-link,” Her Highness said matter factly.
I blinked. “Wait, we don’t? How?”
“There is a working terminal there, it’s receiving data from the SPP Hub. That’s not done via term-link, that’s far too vulnerable to jamming and hacking. High priority data for Ministry facilities was sent too and from each other via low frequency FM radio pulses which were disguised to look like signal noise. I can walk you through how to send information from any terminal in that room to me.”
Homage galloped over to one of the terminals, pulling the microphone along with her arcane grip. She stopped in front of a small terminal set into the eastern wall and turned it on. “I’m at the terminal, what do I do?”
“First, this will take time and your radio must not transmit anything else once you start the process. I’ll tell you once you can use the mic again, understood?”
Homage nodded. “That’s fine with me, but what about your encryption thing?”
“Use the microphone mute switch. Flip that on now. I’ll continue giving you instructions in twenty seconds.”
Homage nodded and used her magic to press a button on the broadcast console. “Annnd, muted.”
“Okay. First, access the term-link protocol and set the terminal to ‘Demo Mode 3’. That will tell it to switch transmission protocols to a classified set… Next, open the command line interface…”
☢★★◯★★☢
Almost half an hour later, the radio crackled back to life. Homage and I jumped up, neither of us having done much but sit quietly and wait, not wanting to accidentally disrupt the transmission, which had turned out to only barely be possible thanks to the broadcast equipment’s damaged state.
“We’ve got the complete file now. You can broadcast again,” Her Majesty reported.
Homage quickly unmuted the microphone. “Thank you so much! How long until we can have that report analyzed?”
“At least 24 hours,” her Majesty said with a sigh. “Primarily because my best doctor is… A pain to work with.”
I felt the color drain from my face as I realized something. We could have been cuddling this whole time! “NOOOOOOO!”
Homage looked over at me in alarm, “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Unrelated thing, don’t worry.”
She nodded. “Um… okay…” she said before turning back to the radio. “So, how did you know how to set that transmission up? Gears mentioned you were a young mare when the megaspells dropped.”
“The Crystal Empire dedicated the Crystal City to the war effort as Equestria’s primary Research and Development Hub. Everything not made there was backed up in it,” Her Majesty answered. “I have read everything available to us over the years to help preserve information as physical copies deteriorate. I also used that system to create an underground erotica sharing service along with my mother Princess Cadence after the MoI began to ban adult content.”
Homage giggled. “Oh! Well… This will be fun to tell Pip one day. ‘By the way, we saved you using an illegal porn sharing service!’ HA!”
I giggled. “It is a little funny, isn’t it?”
“No. It’s not. But her face will be!” Homage snickered.
Her Highness giggled. “It is a little funny in and of itself that I am potentially helping save a life using this old thing… Onto more serious matters, while we know plenty, and we are willing to help, that help is of course going to cost a fair price. Do understand that we are helping you for free up to the point of sending our surgeons, or transporting Pip. However, before they put scalpel to flesh, we will have to discuss payment. Preferably in food items.”
I winced. This felt like something we should do because it was right, not for money...
Homage nodded, clearly not seeing it that way. “I understand completely. Once you can tell me what you think is a fair price for what you’ll have to do, I’ll be happy to negotiate payment. Is there anything else we can do right now?”
“I’m afraid not,” Her Highness replied. “Other than wishing each other farewell, and to inform you that I am eagerly awaiting hearing from you in an official capacity.”
Homage smiled. “Any chance I can tuck the bill for this into a trade deal down the line?”
“Certainly.”
“In that case, thank you, and goodbye.”
“Keep near your radio tomorrow. I’ll be in touch,” her highness promised. “Goodbye for now, Gears. I’ll have to get that report form you another time. I have another inbound call.”
I nodded. “Of course, Your Majesty.”
The radio went silent. Homage turned and reset the transmission controls, then glanced up at the room’s clock. She winced. “We still have a good three hours to go before the meeting… Would you like to get dinner?”
I smiled. “Um, I don’t eat. But I would enjoy talking with you while you ate.”
Homage’s ears drooped sadly. “Are you saying you’re a strict top?”
Imaginary Dad laughed his plot off in my mind.
I blinked. “What?”
She giggled and flashed me an oddly eager smile. “Once you’re done delivering all of those radios, please come back here, so I can teach you enough about sex for you to get my jokes.”
I smiled. “I definitely will!”
Wait. Deliveries. Mission. Wander!
I frowned. “So uh… Maybe we should go tell Wander how much longer we’ll be? She’s been waiting all day and since there are a few hours left to go and I’m not under arrest, I’d like to tell her what’s up. Just to be nice.”
Homage smiled. “That sounds great, actually! I haven't left the tower in a while, and I’ve always wanted to meet the Wanderer! Let me get a spare holotape for my pipbuck, so I can record a potential interview or a song, or two. Then we can head out to say hello!"
“Sure! That sounds great. I know she was afraid to come here, but I think she’d love to hear her music on the radio,” I said with a smile.
☢★★◯★★☢
As we left Tenpony Tower, I couldn’t help but wonder what Sky had been worried about. I got my weapons back the very minute I asked for them. No fumbling for the keys, no comments other than ‘Of course, Miss Gears’. The gate guards were very nice!
It must have been since he was so used to the ponies inside the tower.
It felt great to have my LAER and pistol again. Especially with the attempted bombing… I would have to see if they would let me take my pistol back in for the council meeting. Just in case.
Homage had stopped by her room to pick up P!P and a large revolver for her own protection. It was quite the fancy gun, too; ivory grip, an apple-based cutiemark painted on it, and a top of the line scope! Somepony had paid a small fortune for that back before the war.
The two of us trotted down the ramp, casually chatting with one another. Nothing that important, just the little things like our favorite snacks. Once I explained my sense of taste was broken, Homage was much more accepting of what I found tasty.
I also asked her not to tell anypony I wasn’t just a normal zebra. I liked her response.
“Hey, as far as I care, you’re a cute Zeeb with the greatest flanks this side of the SPP’s shield! Besides, the news reports will be way more hilarious if nopony knows The Machine is an actual cyborg.”
We were in the middle of debating which genre of music was the best when we reached the bottom of the ramp and a pair of city guards nearly ran into us.
“Hey!” Homage exclaimed as she was almost knocked over.
The guard looked around then downwards, spotted Homage and gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Homage! Didn’t see you down there. You gotta go to that skyscraper over there! There’s a pair of ghouls in an old club partying like it’s 2069!”
I blinked. Homage blinked.
“Two?” we asked in unison.
The other guard nodded. “Yeah! There’s this kinda reclusive ghoul that lives in that old building. You might have seen her around. Pegasus, wears an old Shadowbolts flight uniform, has a fancy pipbuck?”
Homage shook her head. “Officially, no,” she said in a tone which suggested she knew her fairly well.
I blinked. That seems… odd. Oh, right. The no ghouls rule.
The guard shrugged. “Doesn't matter. She lives there. We saw the other ghoul just go into her place while patrolling, and ran into her coming up the stairs, told her that her friend let herself in. “What friend?” Oh! Shit, problem. We gotta sole that. So, we escorted her to her place in case there was trouble but no! It’s awesome!”
“What’s awesome?” I asked with a frown.
The other guard gave us the biggest grin. “So like, other ghoul knows how to make old audio equipment work, and turns out Shadowbolts been living in an old pre-war club! Other Ghoul got that shit working and was playing this really awesome music! Never heard anything like it before. Our ghoul did, and even recognized the other one as like, pre-war friends!”
“And you’re running… why? Sounds like a good time,” Homage asked wearily.
“Beer run!” The other guard informed. “Come on, dude! We’ll get Mint and pick up a few six packs.”
“We gotta tell Lemon too, she’ll love it!”
The guards ran off up the ramp towards the tower. Homage and I shared a look.
“So… Does Wander have any friends?” Homage asked.
I shook my head. “No. In fact, she’s got a neurosis about friends… This can’t be good.”
We ran across the street to the small tower. I drew my pistol as we ran up the stairs to the third floor. If somepony had recognized Wander, I didn’t know what she might do… But I did know that she was a Canterlot Ghoul, so I could put a few laser bolts into her if she were enraged without actually hurting her…
If only I had some kind of stun weapon! Or time to adjust my LAER's power setting!
Homage and I reached the door. It had to be the door. It was the first door next to the stairs, and unlike every other door in the dusty old hallway, it was solid metal, not wood, and had a keypad.
I raced for the keypad, quickly glanced over it, noticing it had a button marked ‘doorbell’ as well as a basic 10 digit keypad. I entered the code as fast as I could. The door chirped, hissed, and began to slid open.
The hallway instantly filled to maximum capacity with dull throbbing bass drums, pulsing sequences of higher notes, rays of multicolored light, and a creeping bank of fog.
My eyes widened. What the buck was happening in there?! A wizard duel?
Homage’s ears perked. “OH BUCK YES! This is trance! The MoI banned this. I need to record it!”
She started to fiddle with her pipbuck. I moved through the door into Hoofbeats.
The club was mostly occupied by a huge dance floor. There was a large bar on one side of the room, and a big stage opposite it. The main floor itself was made up of colored squares which pulsed and flashed in time to the music being played on stage.
The ghoul I didn’t know was on the dance floor. With the pulsing colored lights and fog all I could tell was she was an athletic build ghoul in an old Shadowbolts flight uniform who had her flight hood up and goggles on… And was tearing up the dancefloor like this was the best night of her life in two hundred years.
To be fair, it probably was. If only because Wander’s divine musical genius back in Two-Bits was raw sewage compared to what I was hearing her play now.
Wander stood between two massive speaker towers in front of some kind of console which had two turntables atop it. She looked like a goddess under the stage lights. Like she was born for this. The ever-shifting colors and strobing lights hid her ghoulish features, and that was with her hood down. I could see her whole mane for the first time.
It looked a lot like Homage’s, oddly enough. A big spiky ball of electric blue, bobbing her head along with to the beat of the music.
I didn’t see a ghoul on the stage at all. I saw her as a vibrant and healthy young mare, who was absolutely, positively, in love with life. And kinda cute! ... No! Really cute!
And her music. Oh, sweet Celestia, her music! I had not liked this genera much before, but if this is how it should sound then I hadn't liked it because everypony else who played it was terrible!
The song drew to a close, and Wander’s horn began to glow as she started to tweak the console’s settings. The other ghoul shook her head and spoke in a squeaky-scratchy voice. “Aww, come on! You said you’d play something live next!”
Wander was quiet for a moment. “Yeah… I guess I did, didn’t I?”
“Yep, sure did. Come on, hurry up before those stallions get back with the beer! Maybe after a good enough time, your music, some booze, and with these lights making the ghoul thing less visible, maybe we can get laid for the first time in two centuries!”
“Yeah, yeah…” Wander groaned as if in slight but real pain. “Look, I’ll do it, but if I turn into a big pile of sad for performing your favorite song live, you got to give me some of that top shelf vodka.”
“Deal!”
Homage trotted in and opened her mouth. I immediately covered it and shook my head. No way was our sudden arrival going to interrupt this!
Wander closed her eyes, stepped out into the large open area of the stage, took out her keyboard, and lit her horn as she cast a spell.
It was an illusion, or rather, three illusions. They faded in slowly, as if coming with the music.
Wander started, her hooves tapped out a simple melody on the keyboard, while singing, “What is love? Baby don't hurt me… Don't hurt me… No more…”
The first illusion faded in. It was colored blue, with flecks of white magic swirling around inside as if another unicorn were assisting her with the spell. It took the shape of a unicorn mare playing a sequencer and seemed to provide a second melody to go with Wanders.
The second came in. An Earth Pony mare playing a drum kit. Then the third, and other Earth Pony mare, this one with an electric Cello.
A cello!
I felt my core skip a cycle. Whoever this other ghoul was, she was able to persuade Wander into literally summoning the images of her friends…
Teach me this power of friendship, mystery mare!
Wander looked up, smiling for a moment, clearly about to start the first proper verse, and her eyes fell on me. They didn’t widen in fear, or narrow in anger. They softened. Her smile widened. She was happy! She wanted me to watch her perform.
Running into her old friend here was the best thing that could have happened to—
Then she caught sight of Homage. Wander’s eyes widened as pure terror flooded her face. Her spell stopped, the music literally screeched to a halt.
The mystery mare spun around and drew an energy pistol, but lowered it when Wander shouted, “YOU!”
Homage pointed to herself, her ears laying back in pure confusion. “M— Me?”
“HOW COULD YOU!” Wander yanked her hood over her head in an instant and sprinted across the floor, stopping a hoof from my face, her eyes narrowed in anger.
Eeep! I bucked up! How?!
Wander grabbed me by the shoulders as I backed up. “SHE KNOWS WHO I AM!” Wander shouted at me pointed at Homage with one hoof. “SHE’S WHY I KEEP AWAY FROM THE TOWER AND YOU BROUGHT HER HERE! THE ENTIRE WASTELAND WILL KNOW MY NAME NOW! YOU— YOU— TRAITOR!”
Oh…
I felt my ears slide down as far as they could go. “I— I’m sorry! You didn’t tell me any of that—”
Wander let go of my shoulders, took a step back, reached under her cloak and threw a grenade at my hooves!
I yelped and dove to the left. The grenade popped, releasing a thick cloud of white smoke with a loud hiss. I mumbled a curse to myself and tried to follow Wander’s movement, searching the mist for the spiritual energy from her necklace, but the grenade must have been designed to obscure a zebra’s senses because I couldn’t even tell which way was up.
I heard hooves galloping away. Two mares choking. I felt like I was going to vomit, and I didn’t even have a stomach!
Then the smoke cleared. The pegasus ghoul coughed a few more times and trotted up to me to glare at me through her goggles. “Nice one, zeeb… Get the buck out of my house! You too, Homage! I want to be alone.”
Homage nodded. “Sorry, I didn’t know. How could I have?”
“Yeah, I know. Just… Really miss her parties, you know?” The ghoul sighed, turning around to stare at the stage.
“Sorry,” I apologized, tearing up not just form the smoke, but from the realization I’d probably made Wander leave for good…
I took a few staggering steps towards the door. Homage, still coughing, gently took my shoulder and guided me through the door.
The moment we left, the ghoul closed it from the other side.
I sat down and blinked, trying to clear my eyes. Homage sat next to me and hugged me to her side.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I didn’t mean to cause problems.”
I laughed bitterly. “I— I didn’t think you would.”
I swiveled my ears, hoping I’d hear Wander’s soft hoofsteps coming back. Hoping she’d be like ‘sorry, overreacted. Please don’t tell anypony my name, Homage. It’s a neurosis.’
Wait. She said Homage knew who she was.
I looked over into Homage’s eyes. “So… Who is she?”
Homage took a deep breath. “Well… Truth is… I have no bucking idea.”
I felt my eye twitch. “What?”
“It’s the truth! I don’t know. She was definitely a performer before the war. She probably thinks I have posters or some old albums of hers with intact cover art but, nope! No idea… I swear her voice is familiar though, so I know I’ve heard her sing before, but not like that!” Homage mused.
I took a deep breath. “She panicked and ran away for nothing… Great! Now how am I going to reach the other towns?”
Homage tightened her hug. “You did well against the sentinel. I'm sure you can make it.”
“I meant, like, finding them,” I said with a shaky smile.
Homage frowned. “Oh. Right. She was your guide.”
I nodded and stood up. “At least I know where the Tower is… Let's go… I… I need to do something. I liked her.”
Homage nodded and stood up with me. “I’ll draw the trade routes I know about on your map, okay? You’ll want to go to Fillydelphia, right?”
My ears perked. I was built there! Maybe, just maybe, there would be a spare pump in mom’s old lab. That wasn’t worth losing a friend to get it… But at least I knew that I could go to Fillydelphia now.
“Yes, I do,” I answered, trying not to sound distressed.
“Don’t worry. I know a good trade route. There’s a highway that goes from here through Applewood, to Fillydelphia. Wagons take it all the time. It’s a real quick route.”
“Wander mentioned Applewood,” I said with a frown, not quite remembering what she had said about it.
If it was part of a NCR trade route, she probably said we’d be passing through it. Yeah, that must be it.
Homage nodded. “I imagine she would. It’s on the road from here to Filly… Come on, let’s… Let's get dinner and make you smile.”
I nodded and followed Homage as we trotted back to the tower. Maybe… Maybe Wander and I would meet back up on the road after she cooled down? I hoped so…