//------------------------------// // Chapter 17: So, Some Shit Starts Up // Story: Papers, Ponies, and Attitude // by Yellowtail //------------------------------// I just sit in silence, doing paperwork, as I sit in my office chair while I wait for the emergency meeting to start. Protocality requires me to sit in the office until a superior of some kind comes in. In the meantime, I allowed Spearhead and Segway to keep me company. We learned some more info from the radio, the assassin was a hippogriff from the Hippogriffian-Seperatists. The assassin was caught shortly after trying to shoot at Cadence with a crossbow. Apparently, there was a parade to honor Heart and Hoove’s Day in the Crystal Empire. Of course, the princess of Love was kinda expected to attend. Spearhead is pacing in a small circle, while Segway sits in one of the chairs for guests. “I can’t believe it, Princess Cadence was attacked,” Segway says, with genuine nervousness in his voice, never lifting his head. “I know! Why would anypony want to attack Cadence!” Spearhead exclaims, clearly distressed. “She’s probably the safest one to take out, considering she doesn’t handle the giant spherical rock or the billions of continuous explosions above our heads,” I say, never looking up from my paperwork. “So!? She’s the princess of love!” Spearhead says, still confused. “And to do it on Hearts and Hoove’s Day!” “Heh, where I’m from, love is considered expendable in certain situations,” I mutter absentmindedly. Spearhead stops pacing to glare at me. “Well, I’m not talking about your species, am I!? No, I’m talking about my species, because right now, my species matters to me a lot bucking more than yours!” He yells. I started staring at him with wide eyes the moment he raised his voice. Segway’s still staring at the floor, lost in his own tangle of thoughts apparently. I put down my papers as Spearhead pants. “Alright, you have a point,” I say calmly. “But right now, we need to remain calm.” “Remain calm!? A princess almost got assassinated!” He yells. “True, but she’s not dead,” I remind him. “Besides, Equestria can’t actually do anything right now.” I pick my paper back up and went back to reading as I talk. “Remember, Equestria and the Crystal Empire have close ties, going as far as to have most of our laws. However, they are still considered as an independent nation, thus they’re the ones who can say whether they want a war or not. Hell, they’re the ones who can say whether Equestria can join in on the party.” I take a moment to write ‘fuck you’ on the paper. “Still, this is serious!” Spearhead argues. “I never said it wasn’t. I’m merely trying to remain calm under the rather grim circumstances,” I say. I look over at Segway to see he’s spaced out, staring at the floor. “Yo, Segway, you alright?” I ask. He blinks out of his trance and looks up. Spearhead looks at Segway and sighs. “What?” He asks. “Segway, we’re under a national crisis, and you’re dozing!?” Spearhead yells. Segway flinches. “How in Tartarus did you even finish boot camp!?” I look up at him tiredly. “Alright, Spearhead, calm down, he’s as shaken as you are-“ “Don’t bucking talk like you know what we’re feeling!” Spearhead lashes out, rage being the only thing he probably feels. I sigh. “Look, I didn’t-“ “Aren’t you the one who told us that the princesses are stupid!? Aren’t you the one who mocks all of us!?” He rages on, stomping a hoof to emphasize his point. “You act all smart all the bucking time, like everyone else is an idiot! I refuse to listen to something like, ‘calm down’, when there is an obvious crisis that you are ignoring!” I furrow my brow. “I am not ignoring it, I am taking it seriously,” I say. Segway clears his throat. “Look, I think we should all calm down-“ The sounds of a pop interrupts everyone. Lo and behold, Princess Celestia stands before my desk, wearing a grim face. Spearhead instantly bowed, along with Segway. I just stare at her, awaiting for orders. Now really isn’t the time to be funny after all. “Princess! Is Princess Cadence alright?” Spearhead asks. Celestia turns to him with a slight smile. “She’s fine Spearhead,” Celestia soothes. Spearhead and Segway breathe a sigh of relief. “The hippogriff we caught, however, clearly wasn’t. He was hypnotized.” The room went silent. “What?” I ask. Celestia sighs. “Anon, I can give you certain secrets, but we need privacy,” she says. I look at her in confusion before nodding towards my friends. They understood immediately and nod back before exiting. Celestia’s horn glows, and the room suddenly becomes quieter. I guess Manehatten’s noisier than I remember. “Anon, there is something you should know.” “If it’s something I should know, you should probably say what it is without going through the trouble of saying, ‘there’s something you should know’,” I deadpan. Celestia sighs. “Anon, the border will change in a way you might not like,” she continues. I quirk an eyebrow. “... I believe I have to shut it down for certain countries.” I feel my jaw drop. “I know this is not a good option, but the nobles have forced my hoof-“ “Bullshit,” I interrupt. Celestia stops. “... Excuse me?” “I call bullshit. There is no way in hell someone forced you to make that decision,” I say, crossing my arms. Celestia sighs. “Believe it or not, I’m not all-powerful in the world of politics,” she says in irritation. “True, but this a decision you should make, right?” I ask. She stares at me for a minute. “The ponies would be in an outrage-“ “Well, they’re racist asshats, so fuck ‘em,” I say, shrugging. Celestia stares at me for another moment before giggling. “I wish I had someone like you as a noble,” she admits, smiling a little. “God no, Equestria would be fucked over within the month,” I scoff. “In any case, what should I do then?” “... I suppose the Checkpoint can be converted into a temporary base,” Celestia says. “Since you are the current manager of the Checkpoint, you’ll have to come to the base to manage resources, supplies, weapons, and soldiers.” “That’s a lot of trust being thrusted into me,” I point out. Celestia scoffs. “Anon, I would trust you with my life faster than most pony nobles. Don’t let that get to your head.” “No, I already knew that,” I say. “Ponies aren’t exactly as mature as they should be half the time.” “Indeed. Now, any questions?” “Yeah, are the Equestrians actually going to war?” I ask. She sighs. “Yes.” I nod in grim silence. “... The griffons?” “What about them?” “Do I need to worry about Whisk?” I ask. “I heard the griffons signed a treaty with the Minotaurs.” “No, it turns out that they never actually signed it. They merely received it. Judging from the messages we have been receiving recently, I doubt they will be signing anyone’s treaty.” “Economy?” I guess. “Yes,” Celestia confirms. “Great,” I sarcastically say, dragging my hands down my face. “So, at least we know that’s one enemy less.” “Try to be more positive Anon,” Celestia says with the same level of enthusiasm. “I am positive, you’re just not negative enough,” I mock. She chuckles. “How accurately put,” she says. “So, when is the place turning into an Army base?” I ask. At that moment, Segway and Spearhead burst into the door. “Anon! The place is getting shut down!” Segway yells. “Yeah! They’re turning it into-“ Spearhead stops as he sees Celestia. I look at them in confusion. “... Yeah... I figured,” I say, eyeing Celestia suspiciously. She sees my look and smiles knowingly. That bitch. “Did you just test me?” I ask her. She nods as both guards salute Celestia and back out awkwardly. “I needed to do that to make sure the Checkpoints are in good hooves.” I sigh. “Remember Anon, manage resources, guards, and weaponry carefully.” “Please, for the love of God, don’t give me a babysitting job with your guards.” Celestia manages to giggle at my seriousness. “I admit, they may be dense at times,” she says. She frowns as she recomposes herself. “However, the soldiers I am sending here are needed.” She sighs. “Great, I forgot to go to a conference. Excuse me for a moment.” With that, she vanishes with a spell. “... Fucking magic,” I mutter, looking at some paperwork to pass the time. Meanwhile… Celestia appears in front of a stand full of microphones, pointed at her muzzle. In front of her, is a crowd of ponies and reporters. She sighs on the inside and puts on her regal mask. “Now, one at-“ her sentence is never finished before a sound interrupts her. Instantly, a magical shield is up around her, blocking a crossbow’s bolt from piercing the shield. Celestia looks on with shock before turning to see a guard’s horn alight. “Who fired that shot!?” A guard calls as chaos erupts from the crowd. Suddenly, a pony jumps from the crowd, a knife in his mouth. He is quickly seized by Celestia’s magic and forced onto the ground. The reporters and cameraponies went nuts at the events, instantly taking photos and shouting questions. Celestia’s blood runs cold at the sight of the pony. A crossbow, a combat knife, and equipment given to a selected few of her guard. He was a spec op agent. The guards take him away as Celestia is bombarded with questions. Celestia tries to answer them as best she can. In her mind however, questions of her own pile up. Meanwhile... The Minotaur King sighs as he sits on his throne. He awaits patiently for news of his mysterious ally. This ally he waits for is a strange one indeed. She seems to be a pony, but her mind is something else. If he’d known better, he would’ve guessed that she was a daughter of that Discord creature. The king was hesitant on accepting help from a pony of all creatures, but what she promised him is certainly worth it. The ability to conquer lands like the ancient times? What sensible minotaur would pass that up? The plan the little pony made was sensible by Minotaur standards too! Want to destabilize a country of Harmony? De-harmonize it. Spread confusion and chaos! Be sure to make them question who to trust! They’ll never get anything done at that rate! The king smiles and chuckles. His guards beside his throne quirk an eyebrow. “Um, King? What’s so funny?” A guard asks. The king sighs. “Nothing. Just a thought.” “What were you thinking?” The guard asks. The other guard gasps excitedly. “Is it about those weird sandwiches the changelings came up with? Big Macs?” The other guard asks, drooling a little at the very thought of the food. The Minotaur King simply sighs. Educational systems should probably be set up next. Suddenly, a guard walks in quickly, with a worried frown. “Sir, she is here.” The King raises a brow. “She? Which she?” He asks. The guard clears his throat. “You know, her?” The King simply deadpans at the guard. “The term is a broad pronoun sergeant, I would greatly appreciate a bit more of the specifics,” he hisses. The guard coughs uncomfortably. “Right, sorry. I meant the pony,” he says in embarrassment. The King sighs. “Look, I know everyone has a thing for dramatics, but please take it more seriously in the future,” he says, gesturing for the guard to continue. The guard goes back to bring the equine guest. Definitely investing in education. The small pony walks into the throne room, concealed by the cloak surrounding her. The King smiles. “Pony! It is nice to see you! How did our little operations go?” The pony smiles, definitely not in a creepy as fuck way. “It’s going exactly accordingly to my plan,” she says. “Now, I just need to teach you something, my King.” The minotaur raises an eyebrow in confusion. Suddenly, two arrows are sticking out of the guards beside the king. The King doesn’t have enough time to react as the pony takes out an orb. “You’re under my control.” The pony smiles wickedly as the red Minotaur’s eyes turn into swirls, signifying a successful mind control attempt. The pony returns the orb into her robes and looks out a window, in Equestria’s general direction. Her glare would send chills down anyone’s spine. “Soon,” she mutters to herself. She looks back at the King. “You will anoint me as Crown-Advisor. You will wage a war that will shatter the trust of Equestria.” “Yes, mistress,” the King says. Hypnosis is certainly nice. As long as you don’t screw up badly, it’ll be hard to tell if the victim is hypnotized. “Good. Now come, we must announce my ‘promotion’,” the pony says, smiling widely. Meanwhile... I sit on the couch, next to Whisk as we watch television. Whisk has been trying to say something for an hour now. As in, she opens her mouth, but closes it almost immediately and acts like she’s yawning. It’s starting to get a little tiresome. As we watch an ad, I stretch. “Welp, I’m going to go to bed. I have no doubt that I’ll be busy tomorrow.” I see absolute panic and terror flash on her face as I get up. Not gonna lie, that’s funny as hell. “Wait!” She almost yells. I stop and turn to her. She reaches over and pulls out a frame. She hands it to me, blushing a little. I look at the frame to see a picture of Whisk in black and white. She’s in the middle of winking at the camera, holding up a P sign with her left claw. The writing on the bottom says, ‘I’ll always love you.’ I’m actually a little shocked by the gift, but I quickly remind myself that Whisk is much nicer than... anyway, I shove the bad thoughts to the back of my head and smile. “Thanks, but something’s missing,” I say, getting an idea. As Whisk looks at me in confusion, I quickly pluck a purple feather from her wing. She yells in surprise, and glares at me until I put the feather in the frame. “There, now it’s perfect,” I say. Whisk sighs, blushing. “You could have waited for me to shed some feathers,” she mutters. “That would take too long,” I say, pecking her head before continuing my way to bed. I open the door and pause when I see the bed. “... Whiiiiisk? Why is there a pack of condoms thrown onto the bed?” I see Whisk’s expression turn to terror out of the corner of my eye. Earlier... Whisk groans as she walks out of the photo booth. She should’ve gotten something weeks ago! But noooo, she just haaad to wait a little. It’s already noon, and Whisk doesn’t have anything to show for it, except for a stupid picture. She knows Anon would be fine with just a picture, but she wants to show that he means a lot! She seriously doubts that giving him a picture of herself is going to give off that vibe. She face claws. Right, now she has to- her thoughts are interrupted by a sound. She looks around to find a robotic pony. “Hello! My name is Steve! My creator accidentally won a prize, and we saw you! She is too shy to give you this gift, so I brought it over!” He hands her a large cardboard box. Whisk looks at it in confusion as Steve walks off. She opens it to peek inside and gasps. It’s literally a box of condoms. She looks around to see she’s alone on the street. She looks back down at the contents and thinks. She closes the box and starts walking. She whistles a tune as she decides to keep it. Now, the trouble of bringing this up to Anon without suspicion... Present I just stare at Whisk for a minute before nodding. “And, that’s how I got them,” she finishes up. On the inside, I’m fucking dying of laughter. “I-I know it’s hard to believe-“ “Alright, that makes sense,” I say. She stops and stares at me. “What?” “Yeah, I met Steve. His creator’s a mare, and I doubt she gave him the equipment to use condoms-“ “Hold up, I just told you that I got a box of condoms from a robot that got it from a competition, and you believe me?” Whisk asks, looking at me incredulously. “A dildo bitch slapped me once, I’m sure anything’s possible by that point,” I answer with a shrug. Whisk looks at me in concerned confusion. “Remember the evil spell book I told you about?” It instantly clicks and Whisk nods. I cross my arms. “That’s one reason why I refuse to use it. It’s too damn Latin.” “Latin?” “A language.” “Okay, but how can it be too Latin?” “I have to be specific with what I say in Latin,” I explain. “The book’s a complete grammar nazi.” Whisk starts to ask a question, probably regarding why I requested something that apparently had something to do with a dildo, but stops as she realizes that she’s too damn tired to care. I look down the hallway as I think about what the hell I’m going to do with all that rubber. “... Alright then, come on,” I suddenly say, walking towards the bedroom. Whisk blinks before scrambling to follow me. “W-what are you doing?” “There’s only one use for condoms, and I suddenly have a shit ton,” I begin. Whisk’s wings begin rising as she blushes. I look at her as I open the door. “I may not be a horse, but I certainly have the stamina,” I say with a straight face. I wake up, shirtless and comfy, in my bed with Whisk. I slowly open my eyes and look around. It’s early in the morning, but I should go ahead and get up. If soldiers start messing with my shit at the office, I swear to God I’ll wring someone’s neck. I carefully pick Whisk off of me, like a cat, and set her down beside me. I give a drowsy smile to myself as I gaze upon the adorableness of Whisk. I sigh quietly and get up. I go through my morning rituals before plopping down on the couch. Whisk isn’t up yet, and it’s almost five thirty. I sigh. Looks like I was a little too much for her last night. I smile at that thought, realizing I haven’t lost my touch. I yawn and turn on the television to watch some news. I look at the headline before widening my eyes. “Yesterday, at two in the afternoon, Princess Celestia survived an assassination attempt, done by what appears to be a highly trained terrorist!” The newspony reports, looking a little shaken. I groan and rub my face. The world’s going to shit really fast. “Not only that, but Celestia has announced that Equestria will aid the Crystal Empire in their war. We do not know many details as of yet, but as soon as we do, we’ll let you know,” the pony says before clearing his throat uncomfortably. “Now, back to Dewy.” As the news carries on, I sigh. I get up and grab my coat. I write a quick note to Whisk before I head out the door. I have the sneaking suspicion I should get to my office early. I arrive at the Checkpoint, and I can’t help but be surprised by the amount of change that has transpired. There is now a barbed-wire fence surrounding the area. The wall has some barbed wire on top of it too. There are dozens of army tents set up, as well as a makeshift shooting range for unicorns and pegasi. Catapults lined the outskirts of the area, ready to fire at any enemies foolish enough to try and cross the border. The path I walk to get to the area has a smaller ID Checkpoint set up. Despite how early it is, ponies are already hustling around, delivering and managing various resources with wagons. Those that didn’t use wagons just carried whatever they were supposed to transport. As I walk up, I get stopped by the Checkpoint. It’s a simple booth on the side of the road, with a long bar to stop vehicles and ponies. The pony inside saluted as he saw me. “Sir, you’re early,” he says, raising the bar for me. I walk through as he calls someone to come over. An elder, muscular earth pony with some green camo-clothing walks up. He has a grey coat, wearing a hat to cover his maneless head. “Anonymous?” The veteran asks. I nod. “Good. Come with me.” He turns and starts walking. “Here’s the situation, this Checkpoint has been converted into an occupied military checkpoint. You will be making sure that whatever comes from outside Equestria is in line with Equestria’s laws of military transport, which will be in a book on your desk. Do not deviate from your post at any time in the next sixteen hours. The management of the Checkpoint will still be under your control, but it will have to be done at your home. The management building here has been repurposed for military purposes.” I frown at the thought of longer hours, but I keep my mouth shut. It’s the military, the less I interfere, the easier it will be for them to work. I doubt they want someone that’s not really Equestrian to be able to accidentally eavesdrop on their plans. “Oh, and you have three strikes,” the pony continues. He looks over at me with a stoic expression. “Celestia may have vouched for you, but you’re still on thin ice. We can always get someone else to do the job,” he says coldly. “Alright,” I casually reply. I look around as we walk. I can see Spearhead and Segway marching with a group of soldiers. Their armor looks new, and their weapons were certainly sharper. I felt some chills go down my back as I watch them. Normally, ponies wouldn’t be this serious. I sigh and recompose myself. Now’s not the time to get freaked out by my friends. I continue to follow the soldier, noting the various changes around the Checkpoint. We finally arrive to my office. It’s literally the only thing that’s unchanged. I step inside to find the swivel chair, the desk, a different book, two stamps, and the shutters. The pony salutes me before walking off to do whatever he normally does. I give a half-assed salute back, and close the door. I sit in my chair and look at the book. I open it up and read the new set of rules. All documents required must be present and non-expired. Entrants must have a military-certified pass and identification card. No exceptions. Entrants must be tested for DNA. No exceptions. Entrants must go through being scanned. No exceptions. Weapons that are not mentioned by the military pass are to be confiscated. No illegal contraband. All entrants must be free from enchantments of any kind. Diplomats are required to have diplomatic papers and a letter of authorization. Non-military personnel are to be denied. I sigh and look at the clock. It’s almost six. I look at my desk and start pulling out the drawers. My crossbow’s still intact, but I am only given two sets of lethal bolts. I continue to look through my desk. I have a small medical box in one drawer, a small box labeled ‘rations’, my walkie-talkie, and various random objects that I had stuffed in there for the past year. I look back at the clock to see it’s time to start. I lean towards the mic. “Next!” I sit down and wait for the first entrant. I continue to wait. ...... Okay, what the hell? I raise an eyebrow as I look at the clock. It’s six thirty now. I scratch my head in confusion. I stop as I realize this is a military Checkpoint now, which means civilians might not even come close to the place. I sigh. Today’s going to be boring as hell. I yawn, lean back, and cross my arms. I should’ve brought a deck of cards. Maybe I could’ve played solitaire. I smirk. Hell, maybe I should’ve gotten that new gaming device that came out. It’s basically the Gameboy. I suddenly remember that I forgot to bring Whisk’s picture. “Fuck!” I curse out loud, face palming with both hands. The one thing I forget. I groan and sit back. I can’t do anything about it now, I’ll have to wait until I get home. As I incoherently grumble to myself, an entrant enters. I stop grumbling and look up to see a solider. He walks up and hands me various papers. “There are eleven more after me,” he states. I nod and start looking through the papers. “Face the scanner,” I say as I look through his documents. I press the x-ray button subconsciously. After I hear two clicks, I hand the guy an ink pad. As he puts down his hoofprints, I check his weight and height, comparing it to his document’s description. The printer under my desk clicks away, printing a verification of identity as I receive the ink-prints. After comparing, checking the papers again, and stamping the papers with green, he walks out. I frown as I realize this takes up a good bit of time. I sigh and lean towards the mic. “Next!” The next ten ponies were allowed to pass, but the last one pissed me off. He comes into the room with a smirk, which is dropped upon seeing me. He frowns deeply actually. “What are you doing here?” He asks. I quirk an eyebrow. “Is the racism thing still a thing?” I ask. “You’re not qualified to be here,” the soldier says. I roll my eyes. “If I wasn’t qualified, I wouldn’t be here,” I reply. The soldier stares at me for a minute before reluctantly giving me his papers. “Don’t mess up,” he says. I furrow my brow at him. “Face the scanner,” I say. “For what?” The soldier asks. “I dunno, it’s a rule,” I say. “No it’s not. I can report you for-“ I take his papers and hover the red stamp over it. “If you refuse to follow protocol, you will not be allowed to pass,” I say coldly. “It’s not protocol,” the soldier argues. I stamp his paper red and give it back to him. “I’m not going to repeat myself,” I say. He takes his papers aggressively and walks out. “... Fucking asshole,” I mutter. Later on, as I was going through a couple entrants, one of the first soldiers that went through came to me to offer apologies for their rookie’s insubordination. I told them not to worry about it and continue on with my day. I decided to write down how much free time I’ve had around noon, and realized that I could be doing shit while waiting for the next entrant. Like, a lot of shit. I grumble to myself as I wait. Suddenly, someone knocks on my office’s door. I look over to see it’s one o’clock. “Come in!” I call. The door opens, revealing a worried looking Segway. “H-hey Anon, can I talk to you about something?” He asks. I quirk an eyebrow at his behavior, but nod. “Yeah, come in, tell me what’s up,” I say. Normally, I’d be messing with him by now. However, seeing how worried Segway looks, I don’t think that’s a good idea. “So, Anon, hypothetically speaking,” he starts. I frown. He fucked up. I know he fucked up. “If I did something really wrong, but I regret it, what should I do?” “... Okay, Segway, what did you do?” I ask. He sighs. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” he says. “Can you just, answer the question?” “Segway, I have a different response for various situations. You have to tell me what kind of bullshittery you committed,” I say, crossing my arms. He opens his mouth to speak, but fails to talk. He looks down in shame. Suddenly, I had an idea of what he fucked up. “... Did that chick from two weeks ago break up with you?” I ask. He looks at me with a face of confusion. “Dude, if you fucked up with her, apologize to her. If she fucked up with you, you need to find someone else if she refuses to apologize,” I say. He blinks before nodding. “Uh, yeah! Thanks man,” he says unconvincingly, smiling nervously. I frown even deeper at his bullshit. “... What’s wrong Segway?” I ask. He sighs. “... I can’t tell you,” he says. I keep my arms cross as I give him a stern look. “... Fine,” I reply. He smiles weakly. “Thanks. By the way, me and Cherry Batter are doing great!” Segway says, changing the subject almost instantly. “She took me out to a nice restaurant and everything!” “You didn’t let her pay, right?” I ask. He groans. “I tried to pay for it, but she insisted that she should. Her reasoning was, ‘I can’t make such a cute colt pay for this!’” He says, smiling a little. “Dude, she’s literally the nicest mare I have ever met!” I chuckle as he continues to talk about his new marefriend. Finally, after a good couple hours and a few entrants, I look at the clock to see it’s almost eight at night. I sigh. Keeping Equestria safe, one wasted minute at a time. I perk up as I hear the door open. I look up to see Luna, with an expression I’m all too familiar with. “Do you crave death?” I ask. She nods. “First, papers. Protocol,” I say, holding out a hand. She hands me her papers and I quickly look over them. With everything in order, I stamp with green and she exits. My office door opens, and Luna walks in. I can see dark circles under her eyes. “Anon, today was not a day to trifle with,” she mutters, teleporting a chair into the room to sit next to me. “Lay it on me,” I say. She nods and yawns before talking. “We hath just left the Minotaur country. They officially declare war,” she says. I nod. “I figured.” “So now, we art at war with three countries. Minotaurs, Hippogriff Separatists, and Dragons.” “Does Equestria have any allies?” “Indeed. We hath the Crystal Empire, the Hippogriffian Monarchy, and various Zebrican tribes.” “Cool. Griffonstone gonna do anything?” “No. They requested to be left out, along with the Moose, Changelings, and Yaks.” “Hm. How long do you think the war will last?” I ask, stretching. “A few years at minimum,” Luna says. I sigh. “So, this set up’s gonna last for a while then?” “Verily.” “Damn.” “Indeed.” We keep talking for a little while, getting the occasional interruption from soldiers and officials. We talked about how Whisk’s family was doing. They’re doing well so far. I asked her why she made Twilight my therapist, and she told me that she was kinda drunk. I call bullshit, but it’s the best answer I’ll get. She told me various things going on around the world. Griffons found out that they had something rather valuable in their lands. Liquified magic. Liquified magic is condensed magic used for potions and fuels for various technologies. Apparently, liquid magic is used for stuff like airships, anything that uses electricity, and certain projects that haven’t been released to the public yet. I have some theories, but I doubt any of them are solid. Celestia had talked about them, but I just couldn’t find enough shits to give. Anyway, ten o’clock rolls around. I hear the horn to leave, and yawn. Before I could move though, Luna stops me. “Anon, a word of warning. As we said, the declaration of war has rung out. There may be terrorist groups of larger quantities now. Thus, we hath decided to give you something.” Luna’s horn glows, and an object appears on my desk. It’s fully made of metal, with the stock extended a little. I notice a cartridge attached. “We wanted to personally deliver this to you. Remember though, ‘tis is only for emergencies.” I quirk an eyebrow. “Aren’t terrorist attacks normally considered emergencies?” I ask. “Verily, but we mean worse emergencies. Such as battalions of soldiers trying to get in,” she says. I hum in interest as I inspect the weapon. “You know, I didn’t sign up for this,” I point out. “Thou knowest that we picked thou off thine streets,” she says, putting a bit more emphasis in her ‘ye dumber times’ accent. I roll my eyes. “In any case, thanks,” I genuinely say, smiling a little. She nods. “In return, thou oweth us a light debt,” she proclaims. I give her an unamused look. “Not of money matters, mind you. We shall let thou knowest one day.” She starts preparing to teleport. I hold up a hand. “Didn’t you send me to therapy with the cause of my problem?” I ask. She clears her throat. “We were drunk,” she defends quickly before teleporting out. I smirk, setting the crossbow down in my desk. I have some paperwork to get to. Several weeks pass, with very little action going on at the Checkpoint. The war is going on, but no progress has been made. Both sides were attacking, and neither could get much ground. Each side had terrorized the other in terms of naval, aerial, and ground combat. A week ago, the enemies started to bomb the Checkpoints with their dragons. Equestria thought it would be just as impactful if they sent propaganda, like posters and fliers, instead of bombs. I heard that the posters were replacing toilet paper. Celestia has been trying to make an agreement with the other side, but they refuse to listen. Poisonous gases have been reported to be used in combat. At first, when our allies had asked Equestria to do the same, they absolutely refused. However, the enemy kept using it. Thus, Equestria reluctantly decided to allow our allies to use it. However, Equestrians weren’t allowed. Moreover, Equestria has asked Griffonstone to help. They reluctantly declined, surprising everyone. However, they suggested that they could ship some equipment over. Sadly, the enemies went ahead and took out most transportation ships and airships. Since the cost was outweighing the profit, the griffons stopped. I noted how eerily similar Griffonstone was to America. In any case, the ponies’ opinions about griffons were a little worse after they stopped helping. Whisk and I have been receiving dirty looks a lot more often, mostly from ponies though. But since ponies are the stupidest creatures in terms of acceptance and equality, as well as possessing the average intelligence of a human six year old, I take it with a grain of salt. Celestia has been trying to keep the peace in Equestria as undisturbed as possible, despite the world wide war raging on. Spearhead and Segway have had very little time to hang out with me, which I understand. Whisk’s bar is still doing great, but she’s thinking of being a cook at a restaurant. Of course, I started to get back into the old habits of cursing at people. I don’t do it at home, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do it everywhere. So now, here we are. A month into the war with nothing to show for it. Today’s my day off, where I can fuck off to Sleepville for five more hours. At least, I should have been able to. I hear a crash from the kitchen window all the way from my bedroom. I jerk awake as Whisk keeps sleeping peacefully. I stretch and yawn as I look at the time calmly. Four in the morning. “Either Derpy’s early, or there’s a burglar,” I quietly mutter as I get up. I’m not really that strong, but a hit to the nuts is all I need to do some real damage. I silently walk through the hallway, hearing a few voices. “Scootaloo! You alright!?” A young, southern voice whisper-yells. It instantly clicks and I facepalm. “I’m fine! How was my landing?” Scootaloo asks in the same volume. “You crashed through a window!” Another, slightly squeaky voice answers. “Well... Yeah... But how did it look?” Scootaloo repeats. I step into the dark kitchen, flipping the light on. The light reveals Scootaloo in the middle of the room, shards of glass around the floor, Applebloom on the counter, and Sweetie Belle climbing in through the window. Everyone jumps as they see me. They all stay still, frozen as they stare at me. “In my opinion, it looked stupid and dangerous,” I say, crossing my arms. “M-Mr Anon!” Scootaloo says, smiling nervously, along with the other two. “W-whatever happened to your window?” Sweetie Belle asks innocently. “I dunno. I just heard some idiots crash through it,” I say, unimpressed. “Hey! We’re not idiots!” Scootaloo says. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle glare at Scootaloo as she realizes her mistake. “I-I mean, uh, it’s been so long dude! I-“ “I already know it’s you three,” I interrupt, walking past them to the basement door. “We’re sorry Mr-“ I cut Applebloom off by holding up my hand. “Don’t care, let me sweep up the glass first so that it won’t cut you,” I say. “Then, you’re gonna explain to me why the three of you aren’t in Ponyville.” I open the basement door and go down a few steps. “Please don’t be angry!” Sweetie Belle calls. “Don’t worry, I’m not angry!” I call back. “Derpy breaks it whenever she comes to my house. Besides, I’m too tired to be angry anyway!” I climb back up the stairs with a broom and dust pan, find that the trio of fillies are still in the room, in a line, looking down in shame. “Oh lighten up, the window isn’t that expensive,” I say, sweeping the glass into the pan. I take the glass to the trash can and dump it in before turning to the guilty party. “No one’s hurt right?” I ask. Sweetie Belle starts to say something, but Scootaloo holds her mouth with her hoof. “Right, come on Scootaloo,” I say, walking to the bathroom. Thank God peroxide has the expiration date of a Twinkie. I’m amazed that Whisk is still asleep. “I’m not hurt! I’m totally fine!” Scootaloo protests. “Where’s the injury Applebloom?” I call from the bathroom, rummaging around for some bandaids. “Her right foreleg!” She calls back. I hear the sound of a whack. “What? You know AJ doesn’t like me lying!” I can’t help but smile in amusement. I admit, it’s nice to hear the three of them again. It’s been a couple years since I’ve seen them. The crusaders have been very friendly towards ever since I got to Equestria. Of course, when I say friendly, I mean they tried to earn their ‘monster slaying’ cutie marks with wooden swords and shields. They broke so much stuff in my old house in all of their attempts at cutie marks. That’s why I kinda grew tolerant of ponies breaking shit. However, whenever I was just hanging out in town square, or visiting the farm for apples, I would somehow run into the little terrors. It took a little while, but the three of them warmed up to me. Sometimes, whenever any of them wanted advice about homework, I’d give a little bit of help. However, I got dragged into a few cutie mark experiments. Sadly, I could not resist them due to the fact that they had access to instant puppy dog eyes. I return to the kitchen to see Scootaloo’s foreleg has a small trail of blood. Not life threatening, of course, but I still start tending to it. “Why do you always do this? I’m almost an adult now! I can take care of myself!” Scootaloo protests. I give her an unamused glance. “So, almost being an adult, you crash through someone’s window in a city you don’t live in?” I ask, wiping the peroxide off. “Well, I gotta go out with a bang right?” She says. I sigh as Applebloom snickers. Sweetie belle sighs with me, facehoofing. I place the bandaid on the scratch before standing up. Now that I look at them, I realize they’re almost as tall as their sisters or parents. I smirk a little. “Uh huh. Nice. Now, are ya gonna tell me why you three are here?” I ask. Applebloom chuckles nervously. “Well, Scootaloo and I aren’t supposed to be here. We’re following Sweetie Belle!” She says. I quirk an eyebrow at the mention pony. She nods to confirm Applebloom’s statement. “... Alright, that makes sense. Sorta. Now, why did you crash through my window?” I ask them. All three of the fillies look out the window, as if something interesting’s out there. I cross my arms. “Look, I can be here all day. Your sisters can travel here as well.” I kneel down to be at eye level with them. They all look at each other in embarrassment. “So, If you want to be here today, I would like to know why.” “... We kinda need a place to stay...” Applebloom says. I quirk an eyebrow and sigh. “Come on, let’s go to the living room,” I say, shaking my head. We all sit in the living room. Well, the trio sit on the couch while I sit on a beach chair. I take a sip of my coffee mug as I look behind myself at the TV. The news is reporting about a new blockbuster hit, Emi Wants To Play. It’s a horror movie. “Now, we all comfy?” I ask, looking at the fillies. They all nod nervously, sipping on their various drinks. Scootaloo’s drinking orange juice, Applebloom’ drinking apple juice, and Sweetie Belle’s drinking milk. “Cool, now tell me why you all wanted to visit me,” I say, sipping my coffee again. Applebloom starts. “Well, when we stepped off the train with Sweetie Belle, we realized we had a lot of time to kill...” Yesterday... Scootaloo groans loudly as she processes what Sweetie Belle said. “Are you telling us, that you freaked out about being late for the audition, despite the fact that it’s in a week!?” She yells. Sweetie flinches at her friend’s raised voice. “Well, I thought it was tomorrow...” She mutters. Scootaloo scoffs, throwing a hoof in the air. “Tomorrow! Really!? If it was tomorrow, did you think there would be train traffic you’d get stuck in or something!?” She exclaims sarcastically. Applebloom wishes she had enough hooves to face hoof with. “Look, calm down guys, I’m sure we can get a ticket to go back,“ Applebloom says tiredly. The moment she says that, however, an announcement comes on. “Everyone! The train station is closed for today since that was the last train for today!” Applebloom looks up at the speakers incredulously. “Oh come on!” She yells. Scootaloo sighs. “Great, not only did we sneak out, we’re not going to be able to get back until tomorrow,” she says. She looks at Applebloom. “It’s a good thing you got a few more bits for us to use to get back, right?” Scootaloo asks. Applebloom’s face turns into a look of horror. “You were supposed to do that!” Applebloom asks. Scootaloo panics as well. “What?! I thought-“ Scootaloo stops and looks at Sweetie Belle, who’s only looking down in obvious disappointment. “W-well, maybe some random pony will give some bits to us?” She asks hopefully. “No, that’s just stupid,” Applebloom says. Sweetie Belle perks up suddenly. “Wait! Don’t you have family in Manehatten? What if we just stayed over their house?” She asks. Applebloom perks up as well, along with Scootaloo. “You’re right! I’m sure Babs can take us in for the night!” Applebloom says excitedly. “I know where to go, c’mon!” She continues, starting to walk to their next destination. “Yes! Finally! Something that doesn’t disastrously fail today!” Scootaloo says. “Yeah! We’ll be able to hang out with her for a little bit too!” Sweetie Belle smiles widely as she follows the yellow pony. Later, Applebloom merely looks down in shame as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle look at her in bemusement, standing in front of her cousin’s apartment building. “... I forgot she was on a trip with her parents...” Applebloom mutters quietly. “We kinda noticed,” Sweetie Belle says sarcastically. “Isn’t there anyone else you know in Manehatten?” Sweetie Belle asks. “Oh, wait, they might be on their holiday trip to the Caribou-on islands!” Scootaloo sarcastically remarks. Applebloom tries to think of a relative in Manehatten, but she can’t really recall that many ponies. Suddenly, she remembers seeing an address on one of Applejack’s letters. Applejack said it was to a friend at the time. “Well... I think I know one more place to go to,” Applebloom says. Her friends exchange worried looks with each other. They think about it for a few seconds before sighing. At this point, what better options do they have? They arrive at their new destination, a nice and small house in between two buildings. There’s a good bit of space between the house and said buildings, with green grass all around it. There’s a pathway to the house, which seems to be kept clean. Sweetie Belle looks at Applebloom in uncertainty. “Who did you say lives here?” She asks. Applebloom shrugs. “AJ said it was a friend. So, if she says whoever lives here is a friend, maybe they’ll be our friend too?” She offers. Scootaloo sighs. “I doubt anypony would answer the door this late at night,” she says, walking towards the house. “Um, Scoots, what are you doing?” Applebloom asks. “Finding a better way in!” She calls. As Sweetie Belle and Applebloom start following Scootaloo, she walks to the side of the house. “I think this one’s open!” She whisper-yells. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle’s eye’s go wide in horror as they watch Scootaloo getting ready to jump. “W-Wait-!” Present I pinch the bridge of my nose as they finish up their story. “... At the very least, nothing seems to have changed since I’ve last seen you three,” I mutter. “We’re really sorry Mr Anon,” Applebloom says apologetically. “It’s fine, but just knock next time,” I say tiredly. I hear the bedroom door open down the hall. “Anon?” I hear a yawn. “Where are you? I thought today was your-“ Walking in, Whisk pauses as she sees me on a beach chair, drinking coffee with the TV on, behind me. “... What’s with the chair?” She asks. I nod towards the crusaders. She looks over to the three wide-eyed fillies. “... I guess I’ll make breakfast,” she mutters, walking to the kitchen. I hold up all five of my fingers. Four. Three. Two. One- “Did Derpy come in early this morning?” I hear Whisk ask. I chuckle as the three young almost-mares start asking questions. “When did you-“ “Who is-“ “Where’s your-“ I give a nostalgic sigh as the three of them bombard me with questions. Brings back memories of the first actual conversation they had with me. After a nice breakfast, Whisk and I sit in the living after the three crusaders decided to use our bed to sleep in. Whisk sips on a mug of coffee with me on the couch, laying next to me as we watch the TV’s spouting of bullshit. I had told her about the three fillies’ predicament, and she got really quiet after I finished. I can see the gears in her head turning, but I don’t think I should ask what’s going on. After all, if there’s a problem, she’ll mention it to me. We sit in a comfortable silence as Whisk thinks deeply. “... Hey Anon, out of curiosity...” I look down at her with a quirked eyebrow as she thinks about her next words. “... Nevermind, I’ll tell you later,” she says, sipping her mug. What is it with people keeping secrets from me recently? I think of Segway, and how he’s been rather closed off recently. I mean, we haven’t hung out much anyway because of the war, but even Spearhead would at least talk to me. I make a mental note to check up on Segway sometime today. Who knows, maybe I’m just paranoid. I mean, he does have a girlfriend now after all. I furrow my brow as I think of what I should do. I can drop by his apartment at some point. Whisk will have to make sure the crusaders get to the train, but thankfully she has today off. I sigh to myself as I slump a little. Whisk looks at me in concern. “I’m fine, I’m just thinking about a couple things...” I look at Whisk. “Hey, can you make sure those fillies get to the train safely? I need to check up on someone today.” Whisk nods, and sips her coffee. “Who’re you checking on?” She asks. “Segway. He’s been really nervous lately. Even jumping from his shadow.” I turn to deadpan at her. “Literally. He jumped from his own shadow.” Whisk giggles. “Well, I’m sure he’s fine. Isn’t that how Segway normally is?” She asks. I shrug. “No, not really. He’s stupid, but brave at the very least. He takes situations more calmly than Spearhead most of the time...” “Well, I’ll make sure the... what were they again?” She asks. I nod. “Cutie Mark Crusaders,” I say, taking a sip of coffee as Whisk snickers. “Only ponies,” she mutters. I chuckle. “Yeah...” I frown as I start thinking about Segway again. I don’t know why, but something’s off...