I have no idea how to handle this. Well, I knew the right thing was to tell Summer the truth and help Katana, but… how? Should I do it tonight? If I tell her tonight, then maybe Summer won’t sleep well, or she’ll want to leave. If I don’t tell her, I won’t sleep well. It’ll just sit in the back of my mind, eating away at me until morning. Is waiting a consideration of her feelings? Or is telling her earlier more consideration for mine? I don’t know, I don’t know!
I’m so unbelievably torn over this. Why did this have to happen to me? Why now of all times? It’s so disgustingly unfair. But Shining Armor is right, I need to face it head on. I’m a Shield, after all. Even if that seems to amount to so little these days. I wish I knew what my grandfather would say if he were still alive, or even what he would think about our family’s predicament. I doubt he’d be happy with how things have turned out.
Well, one thing is for sure: if I keep thinking through this without deciding anything, it’ll get too late to tell Summer. So might as well take that hint and wait until morning to tell her. It’s better that way.
We both had our rooms in the castle now. Summer was blown away by hers, understandably. Her family had always been on the poor end of the middle-class, as far as I remembered. I stared at my own luxuriously soft bed with slight apprehension. Last time I slept at the castle I had horrible nightmares. Felt like the same thing was going to happen. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad though, considering it was the most comfortable bed I’d ever slept on.
Cadance walked in as I was mentally preparing myself for sleep.
“Hey, are you doing okay?” she asked. “Shining Armor told me about your cousins.”
I turned to face her. “Right. I… am not okay. Cadance, is it right to wait until tomorrow to tell Summer about it?”
“That really depends on what being right means.”
I sighed. “Semantics. Do you think waiting is more considerate for her feelings? Like, could telling her now be worse because of how late it is?”
“It could. But you never know. Perhaps if you wait until tomorrow, she might feel like her whole day is ruined, but if you told her tonight, she might be able to process things better after a night’s rest. Or neither. I can’t predict the future, Swordulan.”
“Gahhh,” I turned to the bed and buried my face in it. “That doesn’t help at all!”
Cadance walked up to me and put a hoof on my shoulder. “I’m sorry things have gotten so out of control for you. Shining Armor and I are here for you though.”
I looked at her. “What would you do in my position?”
“Based on what little I’ve learned about Summer, I would tell her tonight. Right now, even. I think she’s a wonderful mare and would be completely understanding of your situation. But if you think it’s better to wait, I don’t think that’s wrong. It’s important that you do what you think is right and good.”
I turned back to the bed and stared at it in thought. I had no control over how Summer might react, and I couldn’t assume how she would either. So it was more or less fifty-fifty chance telling her tonight or tomorrow morning would be better. There was also no doubt in my mind that telling the truth sooner than later was the right thing. If a guard under my command had screwed up, I’d rather the guard own up to it immediately. I should hold myself to the same standard.
“I’ll tell her tonight,” I said, standing up straight again. “Right now.”
“Good,” Cadance said. “I’m happy to hear it. Before you go, I noticed your cutie mark is back to normal. That’s amazing!”
I glanced back at my flank. “Yeah. I don’t know why, I honestly don’t feel very different than when the stars were missing. Just… I guess normal again.”
“That’s good.” Cadance turned back to the door. “I won’t keep you any longer. Good luck, and goodnight.”
“Thanks. Good night.”
Cadance disappeared out the door and I slowly followed after, turning down the hall in the opposite direction. Summer’s room was right next to mine. The door was closed. I raised my hoof to knock and hesitated. My heart was racing all of a sudden, but I managed to knock.
“Oh, come in!” Summer said, and the door opened by her magic. My heart skipped a beat, but I walked in a few steps. Summer was organizing her luggage but she paused to look at me. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Uh… there’s something important I need to tell you, Summer.”
Summer’s face turned noticeably neutral. “What is it?”
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came. I felt like my legs were about to give out. Why was this so hard!? “Can we sit?”
“I… suppose.” Summer sat on the bed and levitated some of her things off to make room for me. “Is there something wrong?”
I sat next to her and cleared my throat. “Yes. I should have told you sooner, but… well, I didn’t.” Just think of this as an incident report for work. “Early this morning, my cousin, Katana, showed up at my door claiming to have found her long-lost brother, Stonehenge, or at least found out he’s somewhere here in the Crystal Empire. We haven’t known his whereabouts for a couple years, so it’s a big deal. She asked me to help her find him and make sure he’s safe, so… tomorrow morning I intend to find her and track down Stonehenge.”
Summer was silent. She had looked me in the eye the whole time I spoke, but now she stared ahead, lost in thought it looked like. The only sound I heard was the beating of my own heart.
“I’m glad you told me,” Summer said, looking back at me. “Are your cousins in danger?”
“I don’t know for sure. Stonehenge might be, and Katana could easily get mixed up in it. I don’t want that to happen.”
“Right. Well, I didn’t come all this way with you for nothing. I want to help.”
“Uht… You want to help?”
“Of course, however I can. Your family is more important than having a good time in the Crystal Empire. We can search for them together.”
“Well… I don’t know, it could be dangerous. I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Hey, I can take care of myself. Besides, with a strong Lieutenant of the Royal Guard by my side,” she nudged my leg, “I doubt anything would happen to me.”
I hesitated. I didn’t have my sword with me, so whatever skill I possessed as a Lieutenant felt… lacking. Severely lacking. But, I did still have my magic. “I suppose. Okay.” Getting up from the bed, I turned to the door. “We’ll head out first thing after breakfast. I’m going to bed, didn’t get much sleep last night. Goodnight.”
“Alright, goodnight. Sleep well!”
*
Floating… somewhere. Spiraling discs of energy, chaos, heat. Hues of yellow, brown, red, and pink, all spinning, intermingling. Black and white, white and black, dancing and consuming each other. Dark rivers flowing, water dripping down stalactites. A volcano erupts and shakes the ground I’m on, animating the sand. It pulls me in.
I feel warm and heavy. Something dangles in my peripheral vision. A limp body on my back. I can’t tell who it is. A mare? I can feel her weak heartbeat. It mirrors my own.
“We’ll get out of here,” I said. “Somehow.”
The tunnel went on forever. Light came from nowhere, but it was getting dim. Darkness would soon be all there was.
My next step landed on nothing, and I fell into it. The mare was gone, there was only falling.
“AHHHHHHHHHHH!”
“Stop!” a voice boomed, and I stopped.
The darkness melted away, and I found myself standing outside of the castle in the Crystal Empire. Nopony else was around, but then Princess Luna stepped out from behind a nearby building.
“Peace, Swordulan,” she said. “You are dreaming again.”
“Really?” I said, rubbing my eyes. “That was some dream. I thought the nightmares here stopped after King Sombra was defeated.”
“It was not a conjuration of this place, but from your own mind. Otherwise I would not have been able to get in. It seems there is something deeply troubling you.”
“More than usual. My cousins are in trouble, and now everything about being here is turned upside-down. I’m worried about them, and I don’t want anything to happen to Summer.”
“Summer?”
“One of the librarians in Canterlot, she’s here with me. It’s a… prolonged date I guess.”
“Ah, I see. That is certainly much to be worried about. What do you plan to do?”
“I’m going to find my cousins and make sure they’re safe. Summer wants to help, but I’m thinking I should just leave her at the castle where she’s safe.”
Luna gave me an intense look. “I would advise against such action. If she truly desires to help, then the only noble course of action is to let her. Mares enjoy being taken on quests and escapades, I am sure she would be quite upset to be denied one.”
I hesitated. “I suppose you’re right.”
Luna gave a slight smile. “Trust me, Swordulan, I know I am. But I understand your worry, it isn’t easy to be torn between two desires.”
“Nor is it easy without having my sword around,” I sighed.
“Is that so? And how much easier would your problems be if you had it?”
“I’d feel more confident in protecting Summer.”
“Perhaps confidence is not what you lack, but proper faith in yourself. There are times when you may fail, but so what? Fail spectacularly and celebrate, for you’ve made another step down the road of success. I know you possess great strength, even without your sword. I must leave now, but do not be discouraged! I am sure all will turn out right. Farewell, Swordulan.”
Luna disappeared with a spell, and next thing I could tell, someone was knocking at the door.