With a flash of light, one princess, six elements, and one mysterious stranger teleported back into the throne room of the Castle of Friendship. The seven known ponies were quick to distance themselves from the stranger, though his aura had diminished greatly. If he cared about their trepidation, he did not show it.
"My apologies for the theatrics," he said with a small nod of a bow, "But I felt that this was a conversation better held away from prying ears.
Celestia took the lead. "Who are you then?"
"And what do you want?" Twilight supplemented.
"All reasonable questions, but first, I'm afraid I have one of my own." He paused. No one could see his eyes, but they generally assumed that he was fixing them with a level stare. "Were you all really humans? Really?
"Uh, doy?" Dash scoffed, "Did you not see that whole show out there? Though I still say Gangnam style would have been a better choice."
"And we voted it down, seven to two. It's too niche and dated," Twilight insisted, clearly not for the first time. "No one over thirty would have gotten it. Bohemian Rhapsody is known across a much wider sampling of ages and countries."
The stallion seemed hesitant for a moment, but then nodded. "Alright. I'll accept that as confirmation of humanity." He chuckled. "It feels a bit pointless to say this now, but tradition is tradition, so without further ado... Welcome to Eeeeeeeeequestria!"
With a dramatic disrobing worthy of Team Rocket, the stallion whipped off his cloak to reveal-
"Braeburn!?"
The yellow stallion laughed merrily. "Yes! It is I! Braeburn! Everyone's favorite secondary character! But not just Braeburn! Due to an unfortunate accident, I am also Jeremy Higgins, former human and official greeter for newly arrived humans in Equestria and its surrounding principalities!"
He glanced from his dramatic pose to the nonplussed expressions of his audience. "Hm. Usually that gets a bigger reaction."
"It might have if we hadn't revealed ourselves to each other already," Fluttershy said.
"Touché. I suppose this isn't your first rodeo after all. See what I did there? Rodeo? Cause I'm-"
"We get it."
Braeburn cleared his throat and recomposed himself. "Right. Sorry. Sometimes I get a bit too into character. I used to be a greeter at a theme park. Hard to shake old habits. Anyway, today I stand before you as an official representative of the secret society known as the Red Fist."
"The Tirek-worshiping cult?" Celestia asked, her voiced colored by both confusion and concern. "I thought they disbanded years ago."
"Oh they did, they did," he assured, "About the time it turned out Tirek was real and subsequently attacked everyone. No, we just co-opted their name and logo. Plus all these nice cloaks they left behind."
"We should probably actually check on him," Twilight mused absentmindedly, "Given the situation, he may have been as much of a victim of circumstance as anyone. Spike, could you-"
"Already on it." He said without moving from his chair. No doubt one of his other bodies was already en route to Tartarus. Such was the benefit of a hivemind.
"Origins of our current name aside," Braeburn said, "We are a clandestine society of ponies from all across Equestria who all share a common bond."
"And what would that be?" asked Applejack, though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer, given how the day had been going.
"That all of our members used-."
"That you were all humans?" Pinkie interrupted him eagerly. He gave her a look.
"Yes. Thanks."
"Called it!" Dash whispered to Rarity, who grumblingly handed over a small sack of bits. Very small. It wasn't a tough bet.
"There's a whole secret society of former humans?" Dash continued after pocketing her winnings. "Are you like... the Illuminati of Ponies? Secretly controlling the government from the shadows and stuff?"
He cringed for some reason at her comment. "Actually-"
"Nah, I bet it's more of a support group." Pinkie interrupted once more, "Spotting new arrivals, helping them make the transition to pony life, getting them jobs or filling them in on upcoming canon events they need to be wary of. That sort of thing."
"Are you sure she's human?" Braeburn asked nopony in particular as he narrowed a suspicious gaze at the pink pony. "Because she's behaving an awful lot like Pinkie Pie."
"Yep! 100% all-natural home-grown human!" Pinkie assured, "Or maybe fifty percent. Or maybe ten? What percentage of you is your brain? Unless we're just counting the soul, in which case I have no clue how much of a percent the soul is."
"I'll vouch for her." Rarity stepped forward. "She's just... naturally very in tune with the character."
"Pinkie's a fun person to be," Pinkie agreed. "Given the choice, why would you choose not to be Pinkie?"
After considering it for a moment, Braeburn blew out in his lips in exasperation. "Fine. Whatever. Just stop cutting me off. Getting back on track, there's actually at least two secret societies that we know of, but it's been a long time since we've heard anything from-
"Princess!" A new voice burst in. Moments later it was followed by a grey coated pegasus bodily bursting in through the window. Derpy Hooves had arrived on the scene.
Like Braeburn with his red cloak, Derpy wore a uniform of her own consisting of a golden newsboy cap with a yellow triangle on the brim and a matching vest with a triangle-decorated hem. "Hello Princesses or whomever you actually are," she said cheerily, "I'm here to represent a secret society of ponies who used to be humans."
"Oh great," Braeburn grumbled, "They actually did have someone in the area."
Celestia's eyes slid sideways to meet with Twilight's. The situation was rapidly growing larger than either of them had anticipated. But at least for once all their problems and complications were announcing themselves. "And what is your group called?"
"We are-"
"Here it comes," Braeburn cringed.
Derpy rose up onto her hind hooves and struck a bipedal pose with her elbows akimbo and her hooves connected over her head. "The Illumi-not-a-pony!"
Braeburn smacked himself in the face, as did Twilight. "Really?" she asked, "Really?"
"Hey, I didn't name it." Derpy shrugged as she dropped back down on to all fours. "That's what our founder called it over a hundred years ago."
Braeburn sniffed disdainfully. "Which just goes to show that your group has never had the right attitude for a proper secret society, even from the beginning."
"Yeah, but it's a secret society in Equestria!" she insisted, "Live a little, why doncha? You're all so focused on 'maintaning the canon' that you're not even having fun."
"I take it your two groups don't get along?" Celestia, more than used to having to settle squabbles, cut in.
"They're all sticks-in-the-mud," Derpy confirmed.
"They lack respect and their name is terrible," Braeburn shot back.
Human or no, Twilight could sense the familiar steps of a friendship problem brewing. "But, you're all former humans. There should be plenty of common ground between you."
They nodded at that. "Oh for sure," Derpy began as she sat down, "We both work to find newly arrived humans, help them settle in-"
"Basically everything Pinkie guessed earlier," Braeburn interrupted, "Though we urge our members to stick to canon events as closely as possible to avoid influencing the development of the characters we know and love." He brushed some imaginary dust off his shoulder. "We're also the much larger group.
Though her demeanor was calm, one of Derpy's wings twitched in agitation, and half of her eyes were squarely locked in on her rival society member. "While we encourage people to think of their new lives as a fresh start and to go and explore things they could never do back on Earth. Also, we're definitely bigger."
"Oh please. We have twelve-point verification system for identifying transformed humans with an exceptionally high success rate."
The gold and silver pegasus smirked. "So exceptionally successful that you missed all of Ponyville?"
The cocky smile froze on his face. He quickly wiped it away with some recontextualization. "I'm sure there were really only a few humans in the crowd. Everyone else just got caught up in the Heartsong."
"There was no Heartsong," Celestia confirmed, "I had a suppression spell active."
His eyes darted about the room, searching for further excuses. No one wanted to meet his gaze, especially Dash and Pinkie who had gotten bored apparently and were trying to play blackjack using what remained of the booze as betting chips. Finding no excuses, he settled for a redirection.
"Putting all that aside, as a Level 2 member of our organization, I have the authority to negotiate in the event of a XZ-Class scenario."
"A what now?" Applejack asked.
"An 'End of the Line' situation," he clarified, "When, for whatever reason, we can no longer remain in the shadows and need to go public. And with the secret as out as it is now, there's no going back."
"Out? How's it out?" Rainbow Dash added her two bits, "It's just Ponyville that knows."
"Ponyville, yes. And also a number of Canterlotites taking a day off from the capitol's hustle and bustle. Families visiting relatives in the town. Not to mention who knows how many tourists from across the nation. And yet all of them turned out to be humans. No, there's no stopping it now. One way or another, knowledge of humans in Equestria will out."
"Oh!" Derpy suddenly cried, "That reminds me. I also have instructions on what to do if this happens."
"As a gesture of goodwill between our society and the crown, we offer this." She pulled a bound scroll from beneath her hat and handed it to the princess. "This contains a collection of half-spell, half-recipes that can create iconic foods from Earth that are both digestible by ponies and don't harm thinking creatures in their production. This particular scroll covers hamburgers, real potato french fries, pepperoni pizza, and chicken tenders." She shot the stallion a smug glare, almost as if to say 'Top that, fist boy'.
Not to be outdone, Braeburn cut in. "We also have a gift for the crown." He produced a sapphire the size of an egg, etched with ribbons of gold and silver. "This engram crystal contains a collection of over one hundred pieces of humanity's best music. From Bach to The Beatles, and Jackson 5 to John Williams."
"Ooh, gimme." Pinkie snatched it from his grasp. "Does it have Nickleback?"
"Er... no. But we do have-"
"How about Smash Mouth?"
"No."
"Tell me you've at least got the iconic prog rock band Ayreon?"
"I've... never even heard of them actually."
Pinkie tossed the crystal back, making the stallion scramble over himself to catch it. "Eh, not a very good playlist then is it?"
"That sounds right on-brand for the Red Fist," Derpy commented as she held her scroll open as Rarity perused it, "You got the classics but forgot the hits. I bet you don't even have ABBA."
"We do, actually. And you can thank Sapphire Shores for that. She's one of ours."
"Oh yeah? Well we have Photo Finish."
"Just how many members are in your societies?" Celestia asked, hoping to derive some new nugget of actual information form their relentless bickering and constant one-up-manship.
"Across all our branches, maybe... a few hundred?"
Derpy scoffed. "Wow you guys have gotten small. We're closer to a few thousand."
Both Celestia's and Twilight eyes widened in disbelief. All of Ponyville was one thing, but thousands more across the nation? How had no one figured it out before? Then again, apparently some ponies did realize it, and had subsequently formed secret societies to make sure no one else did.
“If you don’t mind my asking,” Twilight asked as she physically placed herself between the two quarreling ponies, “How did you each end up in Equestria? We were talking about it earlier and we all seemed to have arrived via different methods.” On one part, she was genuinely curious, though she was also keen to take advantage of the question to break their stalemate of an argument. It wasn’t the cleanest segue, but it did the job.
"It's fine," Derpy replied, "It happened a while ago so I've made my peace with it. My family and I made the mistake of going to sleep in a haunted house. We woke up in the Castle of the Two Sisters as a trio of ponies, though, thankfully, we maintained our correct ages and parent-child relationships."
Derpy's story done, they turned their gaze to Braeburn, whose expression had tightened significantly. "Youtube stunt gone wrong," he stated bluntly, "I'd rather not talk about it."
The room was silent for a moment before they noticed someone muttering under their breath. "Oh geez, oh geez, oh holy-"
"What's wrong, Spike?"
"Checking in on Tirek," he replied as he winced, "Not a human, but he's definitely heard of us and he's not a fan. He's have a bit of a Gamer Moment right now." He winced at something only he could hear. "I've got a dozen identities as sailors and he's putting the saltiest of their crew to shame. I need— Is there something stronger than mind bleach? Can you invent that with magic? Cause that's the level of mind-wipe I need right now."
"It can't be that bad."
"If he'd done this onscreen, not even Adult Swim would have aired it."
With that awkward sour note lingering in the air, Celestia took the opportunity to re-seize control of the conversation.
“Derpy, Braeburn, how quickly can you mobilize your organizations?”
“Pretty fast,” Derpy replied proudly, “We staff most of the postal system. It’s a good job for ponies with no documentation who’ve appeared out of thin air.”
“Er, us also rather quickly.” Braeburn was not to be outdone. “We have a very efficient private communication system.”
“Good. Spike, if you’ll help as well?”
He shook himself out of his funk and nodded. “Sure thing P-Cel, whatever you need.”
“Ooh, catchy. I like it. I’m glad you’re all onboard, because I think it’s high time we figured out just how deep this vein runs.”
It had been three days since Ponyville had had its ‘Moment of Revelation’, as some had taken to calling it, and already things had begun to change.
With the help of the Red Fist, the Illumi-not-a-pony, and Spike (all several thousand of him), Celestia initiated an impromptu census of the Equestrian citizenry. Standard questions for the most part, followed by a few rather poignant ones asked during private interviews. Luckily, the Red Fist already had a multitude of questions and methods derived to help coax out a former human, so all Celestia had to do was implement the questioning on a larger scale. She was sitting in her office, fiddling with something when the first results of her questioning began to bear fruit.
A light rapping at the door was quickly followed by the entrance of Raven Inkwell, a sheaf of papers clutched under her foreleg. “Princess? Is now a good time to deliver a report?”
“Ah Raven, perfect, come here.” The princess beckoned and Raven complied, stopping just before the ancient mahogany desk. Celestia held up a crystal so they both could see it. “I just received this from Dennis in the Technology and Engineering department.”
It was a quartz, or something in family, about the size of a domino. As the light caught it, Raven almost thought she could make out hair-like strands of something silver crisscrossing deep within it, like a spiderweb frozen in milky-white amber.
“It’s beautiful,” she acknowledged, “But what is it?”
“Watch.” Celestia set the crystal down and loosed a small pulse of golden magic from her horn. The crystal glowed for a second before, with a magical sparkle and soft chime, a rectangular plane of magic the size of a sheet of paper appeared in the air above it. On the hologram-like projection were three shapes: two long thin rectangles and one much smaller square. With another minute flash of magic from Celestia, the smallest of the shapes began to move.
“It’s… It’s…” Raven fumbled for words.
It’s Pong!” The princess cried, nearly squee-ing herself, “They invented Pong in less than a week!”
“Astounding…” Raven reached up to touch the display and saw the paddle on the left move in vertical sync with her hoof. “Motion controls as well?”
“They had to work around not having hands.” Celestia clarified, “But can you imagine? At this rate we’ll claw our way back to and even surpass modern games in only a few years!
Celestia’s secretary shook her head in astonishment. She was not as much as a gamer as some others, but even still she could see an obvious truth in front of her. “How is this possible? They only just started.”
"I'm no expert, but this is how Dennis explained it to me." Celestia turned off the device and adopted a posture better suited to lecturing. “Unfortunately, we are a long ways away from the infrastructure needed to build even the simplest of circuit boards. However, the digital logic that circuits use to compute and operate is outstandingly compatible with magic. Magic is more or less a coding language with its own syntax. If-then statements, while loops, reference this, transform that; it’s all there, though most ‘spells’ as we learned them are wildly inefficient from a programming perspective. In addition to that, the repeating patterns within gemstones make them just as excellent at storing this kind of logic as they are at storing traditional spells." She grinned. "Basically, we never knew it but the whole school of Enchanting was effectively a primitive school of computer science.”
She deactivated the gem and slipped it into a drawer. "But enough of that for now. You said you had a report?"
“Yes.” Raven adjusted her glasses and resumed her professional demeanor. She sifted through a few pages before she found the one she was looking for. “Thanks to the additional manpower provided by the secret organizations, census data is being accumulated much faster than anticipated. Most of the major cities have between seventy and eighty percent reporting in, with varying amount from the smaller cities and frontier towns. Though the statisticians are still analyzing the bulk of the data, I have the preliminary reports here. It-“
“Raven. Drop the formalities and just give it to me straight. What are we looking at here? What’s our human to pony ratio?“
Even though Raven knew now that the Princess had once been a normal human (just as she had), it was still hard to forget twenty years of formalities and protocol. With some effort, she let her stiff posture loosen into something more conversational. “Out of every pony that’s been interviewed, so far every single one has been a human. The ratio, such as it were, is one to nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Not a one.”
“But that’s impossible!” Celestia exclaimed, all pretenses abandoned, “They can’t all be human! Could they be lying? Just trying to fit in with the growing majority?”
Raven shook her head. “Unlikely. Following Princess Twilight’s recommendations, each questionnaire was administrated on a one-by-one basis with either a changeling or verified-human member of one of the secret societies. After convincing them to identify themselves, each pony was asked to provide a piece of human specific knowledge or answer a series of culture-based questions taken from the Red Fist’s handbook and derived from their provided age and country. According to the data, no one has yet to answer ‘no’ to being a human.”
Raven flipped to another sheet. “We collected other information about their former selves as well once their humanity was confirmed. Name, gender, age at time of egress, nationality, and a few others of note.”
“And?” Celestia asked expectantly, knowing that she wouldn’t have brought it up if there wasn’t something particularly important about the information.
“Again, the data set is incomplete, but according to the current data, approximately seventy-some percent of all Equestrian ponies used to be a male in their late teens to mid-twenties. In addition, over eighty percent of ponies were aware of the My Little Pony television show and professed to be a fan of some degree.” She shifted to another page in her portfolio. “The most common former career is ‘student’ followed by jobs related to computers and then artistic careers.”
She shuffled away her pages into the correct order and straightened up. “Of course, these are just statistical averages. The interviewers have encountered humans from all walks of life and nearly every age and profession. ”
Celestia did not respond. Raven looked up and saw her sovereign's eyes had gone wide and her motions had stilled. "Is something the matter?"
"Raven… dear, friend Raven. Do you have any idea what this means?"
She racked her brain for a moment, mentally shuffling through her portfolio for anything so noteworthy as to cause such a reaction. “There are many implications, though I’m at a loss as to which you are referring.”
"We have a citizenry of magic-wielding computer programmers and one of our most abundant natural resources is crystallized programmable logic boards."
Raven’s eyes widened as the dots connected. “Oh.”
“’Oh’ indeed.” Celestia steepled her hooves together, deep in thought. Though she may have been a normal girl at one point, several hundred years at playing princess had been ample time to become genuinely skilled in the art of statecraft and nation management. This was going to take a careful hand, and possibly a little deception, but in the end it would be up to her to do what needed to be done.
"Get me one of the changelings," she ordered, “I think it’s time I brought everyone else up to speed.”
“Everyone else? Who do you mean?”
“Did I stutter? I said everyone.”
Across the nation of Equestria, in small towns and big cities alike, ponies began to gather. Groups of three to four came together in town squares and city parks. At a glance, there was little that seemed to connect them. Politicians and gardeners, homemakers and soldiers, and yet they gathered. Some were earth ponies or pegasi as they approached, but by the time they met they were all unicorns. If any passerby had noticed the small wisps of green flame, they merely shrugged it off as a strange trick of the light.
When all were gathered in their respective cities, as if by some unseen signal, every one of them across Equestria lit their horns and shot a stream of magic into the sky.
Now ponies took notice. Ponies stopped whatever they were doing to witness the strange light show as each set of beams of light merged, widened, and flattened into an enormous rectangle of light in the sky. The screen soon filled with a black and white mess like a sandstorm of salt and pepper, instantly recognizable to those among them who remembered when TVs had rabbit ears. After a moment, it cleared to reveal the visage of Princess Celestia, their beloved monarch.
"Greetings, my little ponies," she smiled down towards the nation, her voice booming across the countryside, "Please, gather around your nearest broadcast, for I have an important announcement which will impact all of you."
Even if they hadn't been asked, ponies were more than willing to stop and pay attention to such a strange new event. Taxi carriages in Manehattan stopped where they stood in the street and even the trains abandoned their schedules to stop and wait for the message. After allowing a few minutes for ponies to gather properly, Celestia continued.
"First of all, let me welcome you to the inaugural airing of the Equestrian Emergency Broadcast System, brought to you by the Changeling National Network."
She cleared her throat. "To clarify that, and bring up the first announcement, an official peace has been struck with the Changeling Empire and all members have sworn fealty to Equestria."
The eyes of the populace dropped as one to the few handfuls of ponies powering the providing the images. They smiled back, if a little uneasily, and made their eyes flash green for effect.
"Before anyone panics, although you may recognize some members of your local communities aiding this broadcast, please be aware that your loved ones have not been replaced. The changelings have proven to my satisfaction that all ponies they are currently posing as are original characters and that no currently missing ponies are as such due to their actions. In short, if a changeling is someone you know, then you've never known them when they were not a changeling."
To the changelings operating the broadcast (as well as those still disguised in the crowds), they felt as though they were in a stormy sea. Waves of tension, fear, and curiosity rose and fell throughout the message, some practically strong enough to physically push them back. Some ponies seemed happy at the news, other felt more distrustful than ever. But all those emotions were blown out of the water by the Princess's next statement.
"Also, all of the changelings are humans. In fact," she paused to don a pair of glasses with lenses nearly an inch thick, "Good news everyone! Everyone is a human!"
"What!?" someone yelled from off-screen, making the nation cover its collective ears, "Stop! Stop, stop, stop the broadcast. Spike go to commercial or something!"
"Uh, Princess, I can't-"
The 'camera' shook as though someone were trying to shake their head 'no', but it was ignored and the broadcast continued as an irate Princess Luna walked into the world's view.
"What do you think you're doing?!" She yelled at her co-princess, spittle flying in high definition. "You can't just drop it on them like that!"
"Why not?" Celestia replied with a mischievous grin. "It was fun." She toggled the back of her glasses with her magic, making the lenses bob up and down on her face before Luna snatched them off. "Besides, it's the truth of the matter."
"Truth of-! Well you could still give it some build up! Talk about how there's a creature called humans, then lead into how sometimes humans stumble from their world into this one, maybe tease it a little about how some ponies may already be aware of this, and then-"
"Luna," Celestia interrupted, "What's the point in beating around the bush? We finished the census. With 99% reporting in, we can safely say that there's not a single pony in Equestria who doesn't know what a human is because every last one of them used to be one."
"Still!" she insisted, "Have some tact when you drop something like that!"
All of Equestria watched, mouths agape, as the two royal and dignified princesses, icons of poise and civility, bickered like a pair of teenagers who couldn't agree on who owned a particular dress.
Eventually, the argument ended with Luna giving up, sighing in exasperation as she rolled her eyes. "Well it's too late now anyway. Any other bombshells you plan to drop on the populace when we restart the broadcast that I should know about? Going to tell them how statistically a majority of them were fans of the tv show this world is based on? Or the fact that I don't know how to dreamwalk?"
"Actually I'd been planning on letting them figure out the first for themselves, and keep the other one a national secret."
Luna paused at that. "Oh. Well. I guess you are thinking these through after all. Now that we've cleared that up, I suppose we've left the nation in the lurch long enough." The lunar princess turned to face the 'camera'. "Spike, let me get out of the shot then you can start rebroadcasting again."
"Yeah... About that..." The camera listed slightly. "We've actually been live this whole time."
In a heartbeat, one mare went pink, one went purple. In the following hours, many arguments would be had regarding which was more adorable.
"We what?"
"If I turned it off, it'd take nearly an hour to build up enough magic to start it again."
With a high-pitched cry of alarm, Luna threw herself bodily out of the frame of view. The sound of something crashing came from offscreen followed by a shaky 'I'm alright!'.
Celestia shook out her surprise, swallowed her nerves, and re-adopted the motherly smile she'd spent decades perfecting in the mirror. "Unplanned though that was, I suppose it saves me a lot of trouble. But just to clarify: Yes, every single pony in Equestria was once a human. Yes, many of you are fans of the My Little Pony show. And yes, your pony waifu is also a human and the odds are not in your favor of her being mentally female."
It was then that three noises swept across Equestria like a tidal wave. The first was a sigh of relief as ponies realized they didn't have to hide or pretend anymore. The second was a gasp in surprise as some realized the implications of this revelation. And finally, an 'awww' of disappointment as countless superfans realized that it was pointless to go and meet their favorite characters, when said characters were effectively just another fan in perfect cosplay rather than the real deal.
Celestia continued to speak after allowing a moment for everyone to react. She was well aware that she had precious seconds to speak before every city and congregation of viewers fell into a raucous discussion and cultural celebration, much as Ponyville had when they found out. Though it didn't matter terribly if they listened or not from this point on as it would all be repeated in tomorrow's papers anyway.
"That being said, any ponies- no, any people who have been living until now under the impression that they were trapped inside a book, film, video game, television show, holonovel, or dream, please do not use this as an excuse to descend into hedonism. For all intents and purposes, this is reality now and letting society collapse into wanton debauchery isn't going to do anyone any good."
One of the changelings in Fillydelphia sent a signal and Spike relayed it via a hand gesture. They'd lost the city to excited chaos already. Celestia nodded and picked up the pace.
"If you are discontent with your current name or assigned pony identity, please ask for form 'Identity-2000' at your local government office to apply for an official legal change of name. It is our hope that this will help ease the transition from a strictly pony society to one that recognizes and embraces our shared human history."
Spike sent another gesture, followed quickly by two more. They'd lost Whinnyapolis as well as Sire's Hollow and Rainbow Falls.
"In addition-" Celestia's next point was cut off by a piece of paper suddenly shoved in her face by a blue foreleg. She took it with only a flicker of a frown and read it aloud. "Any ponies who have been 'isekai-ed' and would like to put their talents to better use are invited to visit the recently established 'Luna's Academy for OP Ponies with unusual powers, Quirks, or abilities', rename pending. If you don't know what those terms means, then it probably doesn't apply to you."
Spike sent a flurry of gestures, so quick that the princess could no longer distinguish them. Viewership was falling like fruit flies in a cold snap as city after city stopped listening in favor of joyously confirming the humanity of their friends and neighbors. Time to wrap it up.
"Seeing as how only a fraction of you are still listening, I will end this broadcast with two final messages. One: As Royal Princess of Equestria, and with the support of my fellow princesses, I hereby declare us all to be post-canon. No longer should anyone feel bound to perform certain acts in order to preserve a timeline or follow a script. The future is ours now, and we will do with it whatever we want! Secondly, I declare the next week a public holiday to let everyone adjust to this revelation, and for today in particular to be made an official annual holiday to celebrate the end of our hiding and secrecy."
Princess Celestia stepped back and spread her wings to their fullest extent as across the nation, hundred-foot tall magical replicas mimicked her actions. "I welcome you, every human, one and all, to the dawn of the Humanity in Equestria!"