Learning To Live Again

by Speedy Quill


Aftermath

Tirek. A name I'd only ever heard when I was a hatchling. The older changelings had told his story countless times to the younger generations. I had always assumed him a myth. There was hardly anything about him in books.

So, when Twilight announced the centaur was roaming the country and stealing magic, I found it a hard pill to swallow at first. I knew there was something up when she said Discord was being sought for help. If Celestia was willing to ask that creature for help, it must be dire. And it meant Tirek was actually real. It sent a shiver down my spine thinking of the being I'd heard of in stories.

When Twilight returned late one evening, I knew things were even worse. Not much can rouse me from sleep, but the mixture of emotions coming off Twilight that night was palpable. Even though changelings primarily feast on love, we can still taste and sense other emotions as well. And Twilight was a smorgasbord that could wake up even the soundest of sleeping changelings.

I cracked an eye open to see her walking through the library. She was twitching like crazy. I listened to her and Spike exchange words before she disappeared to her bedroom. A minute later the Sun was suddenly up. That set off all kinds of alarms in my head.

I tried to ask her about it, but she feigned being busy and left the library via blasting the door into oblivion. Yeah...that was normal...

I decided to take a page from Pinkie's book and distract myself. Twilight was obviously doing something to help the current situation and I would trust her judgement. Even if she was acting sketchy.

The town was waking up now and shops were beginning to open. I decided I'd go grab breakfast out.

"Some pancakes sound lovely."

The local cafe outdid themselves and I walked away full and happy. The illusion of happiness disappeared quickly as Rarity ran up to me.

"Shade! You need to get inside!"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing at the moment. But Twilight wanted us to tell everypony to stay indoors. She was acting rather odd."

I nodded in understanding.

"Something is up. I'll head for the library."

"Oh, that's so far though. I think it would be better if you got indoors immediately. Why don't you go to the Boutique?"

"Are you sure? I don't want-"

"How many times have I told you you're not imposing?"

I grinned and nodded.

"Alright. But you and the others better stay safe."

"We always do, darling. Even when we're in danger."

She raced off toward another building, leaving me alone. I went the few blocks to the Boutique and settled in for the upcoming chaos. Or what I expected would be.

I wandered around looking at Rarity's current work. There were some excellent designs. As I walked around the main room, I noticed fabric strewn about. I began to roll it up into neat piles. Then I remembered the last time I'd tried to help tidy up. I'd gotten an earful for disrupting the 'fashion process'. I quickly rearranged the fabric back to where it was. Tirek sounded scary, but I didn't want to mess with Rarity.

Calm was what I needed. And what better way to stay calm than tea? I entered the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. An image of Rarity and the girls popped into my head at that moment. I whispered under my breath.

"Please stay safe..."

That's when I heard the explosion.

I spun around and ran towards the front door. I made it halfway before the shockwave hit and knocked me to the floor. What in Tartarus had just happened?!

I got to my hooves and opened the front door.

Another earth-shattering sound hit my eardrums followed by more shockwaves.

"Ok then. The world might be ending. Nothing to worry about, right?"

I made my way back into town, expecting ponies to be running for the hills. To my shock, the streets were empty. Were ponies really just waiting this out?!

I rounded a corner and tripped over my hooves as another shockwave hit. Whatever was happening wasn't in town. That was good at least, right?

I got back to my hooves, noticing something odd. There was a book sitting on the ground. A library book. And it was slightly charred. I looked around the street and saw more books and scrolls.

And then my eyes found Golden Oaks...

I fell to my knees, not knowing how to react. It was just...gone. That magnificent tree had been reduced to splinters and a stump.

I sat there for what felt like an age. The shockwaves had stopped. Perhaps whatever was happening was finally over...

Fighting back tears, I stood up and began walking toward the library. I found my saddlebag along the way and began using it to pick up the remnants in the street. It was only a few books and papers, but I couldn't bring myself to leave them on the ground.

I walked into what was left of Golden Oaks. It wasn't much. everything above the ground was gone. The floor was charred and burned beyond repair. A couple of shelves were attached to what was left of one wall, but quickly fell as soon as I looked at them. There were no books within the tree's remains. The sole survivors were in my bag.

I sat down and let the tears come. Where was Twilight? Spike? The girls?

As if in answer to my plea, a brilliant light lit up the sky. I covered my eyes as they were bombarded with every color of the rainbow. What was happening now?

Having learned from the first round, I stayed put this time, waiting for more explosions and shockwaves.

But none came.

I opened my eyes after a minute to find a wave of color washing across the sky. It was unlike anything I'd ever seen before!

And then the shockwave hit. I fell to the floor, waiting for something to explode. This was even worse than all the others! My eyes were jostled open as I lay on the floor. And as I saw the world shaking around me, I also saw something rising above everything else. Was it Tirek?

The shaking stopped and all the colors and lights dissipated. I could see clearly now. It wasn't Tirek! It was a castle!! A giant castle had appeared at the edge of town!

I slowly stood up and left the ruins of Golden Oaks. Other ponies were appearing as well, all of them pointing at the castle. We all made our way towards it, curious to find out what was happening.

---------------------------------------------

I looked up at the doors to the castle.

This grew out of that box you had?!”

Twilight nodded.

“I can’t believe it either. But that’s what happened.”

I turned to her.

“So...you’ll be living here now I guess...”

She pulled me into a quick hug.

“You know you’re still welcome. You can even have your own room now. It’s a lot bigger than-“

She cut herself off. I saw the tears forming and I put my hoof around her.

“I know. It’s not the same.”

I pulled her into another hug as she began to cry.

“I just...I just want to be home.”

I felt my own tears forming again. We’d both lost a home today. I could smell the burnt remains of Golden Oaks even from here.

“It’ll be okay Twilight. Everything will be okay.”

I looked to the others behind us. The rest of town had returned to their homes, but the girls were still here. I could see by their looks that they were all pretty shaken by their encounter with Tirek. I didn’t envy them the trauma that would linger. How were they all so whole after every threat they’d dealt with in the recent years?

I realized that the question was ridiculous. To everypony else they seemed invincible. But it was just me now, the outsider that they didn’t have to impress. Fluttershy flinched every minute or so. Pinkie’s eyes were red and her smile was missing. Rarity’s mane had a slightly unkempt look to it, lacking its usual shine. Applejack looked like she’d been run over by a cart. Rainbow’s wings were hanging from her back, almost lifeless. The crowds were gone and the rejoicing was over. The physical and mental wounds of today were setting in.

I met the eyes of each pony and smiled at them. They returned the smile, but I could tell they were finding it difficult.

I lifted Twilight’s head off my shoulder.

“Come on. I think we all need something to eat. Does this place have a kitchen?”

Twilight nodded.

“Yes. But I doubt it has any supplies.”

I turned to Pinkie.

“Can you grab me some ingredients? I’ll make you girls grilled cheese and tomato soup.”

Pinkie smiled and nodded. She turned and walked towards town. Before she got to the first set of buildings she shook every part of her body, shedding off the weight of the day. I couldn’t see her face, but I was sure she was putting on her biggest smile. And then she bounced into town. How she found the energy to put that show on I’ll never know.

I led the others into the castle. They followed me as Twilight nodded the appropriate directions. We found the kitchen easy enough. Each pony found a spot to sit and nurse their wounds. I went to each of them and checked in. I could tell that they appreciated not having to be strong in front of me. I couldn’t imagine having to always have a strong front like that. Then again...I hid behind my own emotional walls. I did understand. I just hadn’t mastered the art of looking positive yet.

Pinkie returned with my ingredients and I went to work. I fired up the stove and prepped the sandwiches while the soup began to heat. Soon the kitchen smelled of cheese and tomatoes. I’d found through reading and my own experimentation that this combination seemed to have therapeutic properties.

I dished up a bowl of soup for each of us, placing a sandwich on the edge of each bowl. Each of the girls took a bowl, quietly thanking me, before sitting at the nearby table. I picked up my own bowl and joined them. We ate in silence.

I looked around the table, noticing that a few of them were tearing up. Clearing my throat caught everypony’s attention.

“So I guess we’re not going to talk about how tough my day was?”.”

They stared at me for a moment. I don’t think my tension-breaker had worked.

And then Rainbow started to chuckle. I smiled as Applejack started to as well. Soon all of the girls were laughing. The conversations began after that as each pony tried to put Tirek behind them. Twilight looked at me and smiled. She mouthed ‘thank you’ from across the table. I nodded to her in recognition.

These ponies dealt with the biggest threats that Equestria had ever seen. And they still found the strength to come back. Seeing this side of them showed me that it was possible to get through my pain. And if they could recover from several near death situations, then I could do the same after one.

———————————

The days passed and things began to return to normal. I still wasn’t used to having my own room. And everything was made of crystal. What was up with that?

It was after the first few days that a discovery was made in the throne room. A map had grown out of the floor. And apparently it was linked to the girls cutie marks. Twilight said they were being ‘called’ to an isolated village.

“That sounds ominous if you ask me.”

“The six of us should be able to handle it if there’s any trouble.”

It was true. I didn’t worry as much about them when they were together. I saw them all off as they began their journey. Each of them gave me a hug on their way out the door. Rarity gave me a kiss on the cheek. My whole face began to burn from that. Was this what blushing felt like? I didn’t have any time to ask as they left on their next adventure. I waved goodbye and shut the door behind them.

I began wandering the halls of the castle, exploring every room I came across. There weren’t many rooms that had a layout. A lot of rooms were completely empty, ready to be made into whatever Twilight wanted them to be. I did however come across a large room that was obviously meant to be the library. I sat in there for half an hour, staring st the empty shelves. I’m sure Twilight would fill this place up in no time.

Spike walked into the room, a scroll in claw.

“There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“What’s up?”

He held out the scroll.

“This just came for you.”

I looked at the scroll curiously.

“Me?”

“Yeah. Go figure.”

I opened the scroll and read it. I shook my head in disbelief and read it again. And again. Surely this was a joke...

“What’s it say?”

I passed him the scroll and he began reading aloud.

Dear Shade,

It has been brought to my attention that you have been living with my former pupil, Twilight Sparkle. I trust that her reasons for not telling me are justified. I admit that I was shocked to learn of your existence.

If it wouldn’t inconvenience you, I’d like to invite you to Canterlot to meet my sister and I. We have many questions and would greatly appreciate your answers.

Let Twilight know that you may be gone for a few days.

Princess Celestia

Spike looked up from the scroll.

“Wow! An invitation from Celestia? That’s big!”

Invitation huh? It sounded like there was more to it than that.

“Why would she want to meet me Spike?”

“Probably because you’re the first changeling to show up since the invasion.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Really? Is that it?”

“Hey! You asked. And it can’t be that bad.”

“What makes you say that?”

“She could have just sent a couple guards to pick you up.”

A loud knock echoed through the halls of the castle. I looked down at Spike, my brow furrowing.

“Gee! I wonder who’s at the door?”

A nervous smile crawled onto the dragon’s face.

“Well...it could be worse?”

———————————

I looked down in awe as the chariot flew over the city. Canterlot was just as beautiful as I remembered, including the castle we were descending towards.

As the chariot touched down, I hopped out. My two chaperones were quick to join me.

“Lead on boys. I’ve got an appointment to keep.”

I followed the guards as they led the way to the throne room. I would have walked there myself, but they didn’t need to know that I knew the layout already.

We entered the throne room and I nearly froze. Celestia was sitting there. I don’t know what else I expected, but I was nervous all the same. Celestia motioned to me.

“You can come in further. I promise I won’t bite.”

I began to inch into the room. My nervousness trickled away with each step as I approached the throne. Once I was close enough, I bowed.

“It’s an honor to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine I’m sure.”

I straightened up.

“I didn’t know that Twilight hadn’t told you about me. I figured she would have done that at the start.”

“I can’t blame her. This is an...odd situation.”

“How did you find out about me?”

Before Celestia could answer, another pony appeared.

“I told her.”

I was looking at a dark blue alicorn. Something seemed familiar... My eyes widened.

“You! You’re the one I’ve been seeing in my dreams!”

She bowed her head.

“It’s good to meet you officially Shade. My name is Luna.”

I bowed again.

“If I’d known who you were-“

“It wasn’t out of secrecy. It was caution.”

I looked up.

“Because of what I am?”

She nodded. Celestia cleared her throat.

“We don’t mean to insult you Shade. But you can understand our hesitation.”

I shrugged.

“No offense taken. I’d probably do the same in your position.”

“Luna told me the few details she learned, but I was hoping for the whole story.”

I sat down and sighed.

“Where to begin?”

———————————

“And that brings us to today.”

Celestia nodded as she processed everything. She’d hardly said a word during my story. Luna had asked a couple of questions, but was otherwise silent too. I sat there, waiting for them to speak. Celestia was first.

“It’s remarkable that you’ve made it this far. And you seem to have adapted to your new life.”

Luna chimed in.

“And with no connection to your horde or Queen.”

Celestia scolded her, but I chuckled.

“Not like I want that connection. Chrysalis can rot for all I care.”

That seemed to surprise them. Celestia sat forward, curiosity in her eyes.

“You feel no allegiance to her, do you?”

I shook my head.

“She doesn’t care what happens to me. I’m one of many.”

“Why do I get the feeling that isn’t true?”

“Believe what you want, but she feels nothing for me. So I feel nothing for her.”

Luna smirked.

“Besides the fear and anger I’ve felt in your dreams.”

“Yes. Besides that.”

Luna stood up.

“I’m satisfied for now sister. I need to get some sleep before my duties.”

Celestia nodded and Luna left. I turned to Celestia.

“So now what?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like some time to confirm a few things.”

“I did mention that Twilight was out of town?”

“Yes. I’m sure Spike can tell me a few things though. And Zecora as well.”

“So...where does that leave me?”

She stood up and descended from her throne.

“You understand that I don’t entirely trust you?”

“I’d be worried if you did.”

“The guards will show you to your room.”

“Will there by chance be any books? I do enjoy reading.”

She smiled.

“So you said earlier. I’m sure we can arrange that.”

She turned to the guards.

“Show Shade to the library in the east wing. Make sure there are reasonable accommodations for his stay.”

The guards nodded and approached me. I followed them out of the room, glancing over my shoulder at the Princess. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run. The changeling in me was on high alert. I was a prisoner of the enemy. I shoved those feelings back down and began reciting one of Rarity’s meditations in my mind. Everything would be okay. I had to believe that.