//------------------------------// // A Helping Hoof // Story: Learning To Live Again // by Speedy Quill //------------------------------// As the days carried on I found more activities to fill my time. I would help Fluttershy with her animals, though I always opted out if she needed to go gather food in the forest. She was more than understanding. Sometimes I’d go hang out with Pinkie and learn how to make something sweet. She seemed to have taken to me in a way she hadn’t with the others. She tended to be quiet. Well...quieter. I think she found comfort in having someone to relax around. A friend she didn’t have to put the smile on for 100% of the time. When Rainbow Dash learned that I liked reading, she introduced me to the Daring Do series. Of course this suggestion came after several minutes of being called a ‘bookworm’ and an ‘egghead’. She seemed shocked when I read the whole series in a day. Her shock turned to excitement though as we began swapping theories of what Daring Do might be hunting for next. Twilight convinced me to learn how to buck apples from Applejack. That had been a long, tiring day. But her family fed me a huge dinner after. It was my first time really seeing what a family was like. Families seem to be noisy, argue about silly things, and hug a lot. If the Apples were the example, I think I liked the idea of a family. Rarity conned me into being a model for her when she began working on some clothes for stallions. I had to stand in the middle of the room on a pedestal while she threw fabric on me. Even as I was beginning to settle into Ponyville, I was still plagued by my nightmares. I kept looking for that pony again, but never saw them. There were times when the timberwolves vanished suddenly though. I knew my visitor must be nearby, but they never approached. Many nights I had to deal with the terror. I’d had Twilight start casting a spell on me to mute my voice at night so I didn’t wake up half the town. So I’d wake up most nights silently screaming. Worse than the screaming though, was the havoc these nightmares were having on my sleep schedule. I was getting less sleep as the days went by. Even with my visitor helping, I was finding it harder to stay awake. I’d been starting to nod off while reading a lot. The sleep deprivation got to the point where I felt like I was always in a dream. My vision was growing hazy around the edges, my coordination was off, and my entire body felt numb. Today I was walking toward Carousel Boutique to help Rarity. At least...I was trying. It felt like I wasn’t even controlling my own body at this point. And to make matters worse, my eyelids didn’t want to remain open. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to collapse in the street. And that’s when I bumped into Rarity. LITERALLY. “Excuse you! Can’t you keep your eyes on the-“ She turned around and locked eyes with me...I think. Her expression changed from annoyed to surprised. “Oh Shade! I didn’t realize...” Her sentence trailed off as she looked me over. “What’s wrong dear?” I believe I tried to say ‘I’m sorry Rarity. I guess I’m too tired today.’ What came out though... “ImsoorRary. Itotertood.” Was she getting taller? No... I was falling to one side. Rarity stopped me from hitting the cobblestones and lifted me back up. “Goodness Shade, you’re exhausted! Why aren’t you at home asleep?” “Nooslee. Babdreemys.” Even as I went cross-eyed, I could tell she was becoming concerned. “That’s it. You’re coming with me right now.” “Yesh. Lezgoomakclots.” I tried to get my feet firmly planted in the ground again. That worked for about three steps. I think Rarity struggled with my weight because after a couple minutes, my body began to float. Was I dreaming? No wait... In the few seconds my vision focused, I saw Rarity’s horn lit up with magic. She was carrying me along behind her, like a sack of groceries. ——————————— The next thing I remember was waking up. I hadn’t had any dreams. Then again my brain had had no sleep either. It probably couldn’t waste the energy on producing the usual nightmares. I slowly looked around. I was in the boutique. Rarity had set me down on her lounge. I sat up and stretched. “Don’t you dare move!” I froze mid-stretch. Rarity was off to one side at her sewing machine. How did she know I was awake? I relaxed my body, finishing the stretch. “What did I say?” Frozen again, but at least in a more comfortable position. I waited as Rarity finished up her current work. The machine stopped and she turned around to me. “Now. Where would you like to start?” “Start?” “Don’t be smart with me Shade. You might get away with that with the others, but I won’t have you brushing me off on this. Now how long has it been since you’ve slept?” I sat forward on the lounge. “I mean...technically I slept last night.” “For how long?” “A good...thirty minutes.” “And before then?” “About the same the night before. Give or take ten minutes.” Her horn lit up and a notepad and quill flew to her. She began scribbling something. “How long have your nightmares been happening?” “How...how do you know about those?” “You told me earlier. Though I’m sure you don’t remember. Now how long?” “Um....a few weeks. Maybe a month.” Her scribbling stopped. “So you’re saying that you’ve been operating on two nights worth of sleep for an entire month?!” “I guess?” She set the notepad and quill down as she stood up. “You’re going to kill yourself if you keep this up. In fact, you should probably be dead already!” “I’ll take that over the nightmares.” She sighed as she approached me. “May I ask what exactly is keeping you up like this?” She sat on the edge of the lounge, her eyes meeting mine. I stared at those eyes for a few seconds. They were filled with sternness and concern. I finally looked away and sighed. “I keep reliving the timberwolf attack. And I keep dreaming that Chrysalis is the one making them attack me.” “Is that all?” My head whipped around to her, anger flaring in my chest. “What do you mean ‘is that all’?!” “I mean is that all you dream about? Or is there more?” The anger dissolved. A simple misunderstanding. I took a deep breath. “Sometimes it’s the horde that attacks me. Sometimes it’s Chrysalis herself. Either way I’m always left bleeding out in Everfree.” Rarity shifted her position, turning her body towards me more. “So you’d rather kill yourself through sleep deprivation than be killed in your dreams?” “Well...I hadn’t really thought it through.” “Obviously.” “Well Tartarus Rarity! What would you do?” “I’d sleep! Even if I had to relive the worst day of my life over and over again!” What I said next is something I’d regret for a long time to come. “You only say that because your worst day was probably getting a hemline wrong.” I didn’t even see the slap coming. It connected with my cheek so quickly that it took me a moment to register what had happened. I looked at the unicorn in shock. She glared at me with an anger I’d never seen in those beautiful eyes. “You don’t know me as well as you think. Maybe I’ve not been attacked and had my body shredded like confetti, but I have had enough dark experiences in my life that I won’t tolerate your offensive comments!” I rubbed my cheek as her words tore into me. I knew she could be dramatic, but this was something entirely different. And she was right, I’d gone too far. I stood up and walked towards the exit. “And where do you think you’re going?” I stopped to look over my shoulder. “I assume you don’t want me here anymore?” “Did I say that?” “....No.” “Then get back over here. You’re not leaving until we’ve sorted out your sleeping problem.” I stared at her in disbelief as she patted her hoof on the lounge. “Do you want my help or not?” I slowly turned around. “That depends. Are you going to hit me again?” “Do you plan on saying something stupid again?” I stared at her, weighing my options. I took a deep breath and shook my head. She smiled and pat the lounge again. I returned to my seat, making sure to keep an eye on her hooves. “So how are you going to help me?” “What have you done in the past to try to sleep?” “Reading and music. Twilight’s tried a few sleeping spells. And Zecora gave me a couple potions. None of them really helped me to stop the dreams.” “So they didn’t help you to stay asleep?” “Well once the dreams hit the bad point I wake up.” “So you’re hoping for something that will keep the dreams at bay?” “That would be best.” “It would also be impossible. Dreams can’t be suppressed so easily. Even if you know the proper spells, they can still leak into your mind. Especially the strong ones like yours.” “So that’s it? I’m screwed no matter what?” “Is it a safe guess that you’ve been pretty anxious whenever you go to sleep?” “More like terrified, but yeah.” “Let’s focus on that problem. If you go to bed in that state, it will only invite the negative feelings forward.” “So how do I keep calm?” She smiled. “Have you ever tried meditation?” “Meditation? No. I’ve read about it a little, but it sounded like just a bunch of breathing excercises.” “You’re not wrong, but you’re also not right. There’s far more to it than that. Here. Cross your back legs like this.” She shifted her legs around. I pulled mine up and copied the position, wincing a little as I folded my bad leg. “Now let your hooves rest on your knees and close your eyes.” I followed the instructions, wondering exactly where this was going. “Take a deep breath.” Okay... “Let it out.” Done. “In again. And out again.” I did this several times. Just as I thought; breathing exercises. “Now picture this with me. You’re sitting on a cloud.” Okay. “The cloud is trying to lift you up, but it senses that something is weighing you down.” I cracked an eye open. “Really?” Her eyes remained closed. “Do it.” “Okay, okay.” I closed my eye and imagined the cloud again. It was fluffy. “Now imagine that all of your negative feelings are pooling in front of you. Fear, doubt, anger, sadness. All of it pooling in a puddle.” Pretty big puddle. “These feelings begin to take on a shape. A sphere. A solid sphere of all of you negative emotions.” Oddly enough, I could picture it. The black pool was rising, morphing itself into an orb. A dark orb that radiated negativity. “Now push it over the edge of the cloud.” I reached out and pushed it. I watched the orb drop out of view. A shiver ran through my body. I felt lighter all of a sudden, as if the weight I’d just pushed away was real. “And now the cloud lifts you up into the sunlight.” I felt it! I could feel the warmth of the Sun! I could feel all of my fear and anxiety melt away for the first time in...I don’t know how long! My eyes flew open. Rarity was staring at me with a small smile. She reached forward to me and ran her hoof along my face. I hadn’t even realized that there were tears rolling down my cheeks. She wiped them away and stood up. “I think you’ve had a breakthrough. Not bad for your first meditation.” The tears were still coming. I hadn’t felt this peaceful in ages, if ever. I stood up and pulled Rarity into a hug. It was the first time I’d ever given a hug of my own. I felt her hooves wrap around me and my embrace got even stronger. “Thank you Rarity.” “It was nothing.” I pulled away, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “It was everything.” I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. I’d read about kisses before. For the gift she’d given me though, I thought it was within reason. But I didn’t think that I’d actually ever do something like that. Rarity held a hoof up to her cheek. She seemed shocked, but not angry. In fact, I think she might have been blushing. I thanked her again and made for the exit. For the first time in forever, I wasn’t dreading going to sleep.