//------------------------------// // Pinkie's Advice // Story: Learning To Live Again // by Speedy Quill //------------------------------// It was pitch black and I felt as though I was being crushed. But there was no singular source. It was a constant pressure from all around me. I was suffocating! I tried to scream, but it caught in my throat. I kept trying until I let out a piercing cry. As it came out, the pressure lessened. But as the pain subsided, the darkness disappeared. I was in Everfree. I felt my chest tighten as I began gasping for breath again. There wasn’t any pressure this time. Only fear. I spun around, trying to find a gap in the trees. My eyes finally found what appeared to be the only exit. A black opening that led further into the forest. And there were two eyes staring at me from the darkness. I wanted to scream. I tried to scream. Nothing was coming. I could only stand there in terror as the eyes moved closer. I closed my own eyes, bracing myself for the timberwolf attack. “You betrayed me.” My eyes flew open. Who had spoken? I looked at the abyss and the eyes were reshaping themselves. When they stopped morphing I felt my heart fall into my stomach. I would gladly face the timberwolves if what I was seeing was real. Chrysalis stepped forward from the shadows, her eyes glowing with rage. “You had one mission. Find out everything! EVERYTHING!!” My body had frozen to the forest floor, unable to retreat from her approach. “I...I found out everything I could. How was I supposed to know?” Her face contorted in a mocking sneer. “How was I supposed to know?” She was nearly on top of me. “You idiot! I could have had it all! I was so close!” “I-I’m s-s-sorry.” “Don’t grovel like the others! That’s beneath you.” I straightened up at that. I felt my own anger beginning to bubble. “Beneath me?! Since when did you ever act like I was different? I’m nothing to you. Don’t try to pretend otherwise.” “Aren’t you though? After all, you've survived this long.” “Because of my friends.” The cackle that left her body chilled me to the bone. “Friends?! You fool! We don’t have friends, only enemies. To believe that ponies would accept you only proves that you’re still the naive little hatchling you've always been. I don’t know why I made you my spy in the first place! All it did was fill your head with this silly notion that you could belong somewhere other than the hive!” I found that my body could move again and took a step forward. “I do belong!! You’re the only one who ever said I couldn’t! LIES!! All you’ve ever done is lie to me, making me feel like some unwanted creature. The only thing that made me feel truly unwanted was when you abandoned me in this Celestia-forsaken forest!” “Am I supposed to rescue every changeling that goes missing?” “So I was right. I’m nothing to you.” Her eyes narrowed. “Then I won’t mind watching you be torn to shreds.” I don’t know where the timberwolves came from, but three of them were on top of me before I could say another word. I felt their teeth and claws digging into my skin as Chrysalis started laughing. But I could barely hear her laughter over my own screams. ——————————— “SHADE!!” My eyes flew open and I cried out in pain. My back was on fire! I barely registered Twilight standing over me. “It’s okay! It’s okay. It’s me Shade. It’s Twilight.” My eyes began darting around. “Where am I? Where is she?” “You’re in the library Shade. You’re safe. Who are you looking for?” My eyes began to focus and I took in the scene. I was in my bed in the library. Twilight was sitting on the bed. I tried to slow my breathing down. My back was aching. “My back...is it hurt?” Twilight glanced at my back and shook her head. “It’s fine. The wound hasn’t opened again.” I let out a sigh and my breathing began to slow its pace. “What was that?” “You were having a nightmare.” “A what?” “A nightmare. A bad dream?” “Are they always so terrifying?” “Sometimes. But I’ve never started screaming like that.” I looked at her, concerned. “I was screaming?” She nodded. “It must have been bad.” I nodded in agreement. “I was...back in the forest..with..with the...” “The timberwolves?” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I just nodded. I felt my body beginning to shake. Twilight scooted closer and pulled me into a hug. “It’s okay. It was only a dream.” I let myself sink into her, her warmth soothing every inch of my body. “Who were you looking for?” I froze. “What?” “Who were you looking for? You asked where ‘she’ was?” I pulled away from the alicorn, meeting her gaze. “I...I wasn’t alone.” “Who was with you?” I felt a tear roll down my cheek. “It was Her.” Twilight’s confusion slowly shifted to understanding. “You mean...Chrysalis?” “She was angry with me.” “Angry? Why?” I shook my head. “Why is she ever angry at anypony? I couldn’t say.” A lie, but a necessary one for now. “Was she really there? In the forest?” “No. I think my mind is just messing with me. The forest and Chrysalis are my weak points right now. I guess it decided I needed a bout of insomnia.” Twilight covered her mouth, trapping the beginnings of a giggle. I glared at her. “Is my pain amusing to you Princess?” “No! No. I’m sorry. It’s just...how do you know what insomnia is, but not a nightmare?” She couldn’t hold back the giggling anymore. The joke hit me after a few seconds and I began to smile. Soon I was laughing. We laughed for a good few minutes, letting the tension melt away. ——————————— I stepped out of the library and basked in the sunlight. The warmth on my body felt soothing. I slowly stretched my back, doing my best not to aggravate it. Twilight had taken the bandages off for me that morning and had been happy to report that scar tissue was forming. I glanced at my back now, still not used to how bare it looked without my wings draped there. Nothing had been left by the timberwolves to suggest that I’d ever had wings. My back was completely smooth with the fresh tissue. I finally broke my gaze away and began walking into town. It wasn’t doing me any good to dwell on this new handicap. I had to take my mind off of the darker parts of my life for the time being. I needed a distraction. Especially after the nightmare. Ponies were milling about in the street, chatting to one another. I passed by with very few of them glancing at me. The alterations I’d made to myself were going over well. Nopony suspected me of being anything other than a slightly odd-looking pony. I found myself walking in the direction of Sugarcube Corner. I wasn’t particularly hungry, but I found the atmosphere intoxicating. Just being around those sweet aromas was enough to keep me happy. I entered the shop and nearly tripped over two small bodies. I caught myself before I squashed the two foals at my hooves. They stared up at me in surprise. Once I’d gained my balance, I looked down at them. “You two should be careful. You’re liable to make somepony fall.” They just stared at me. I did my best to step around them, moving further into the bakery. As I approached the counter, a pony emerged from the back room. “Hello! How can I-“ She paused as her eyes connected with me. It took her a moment to recompose herself. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to stare. I’ve just never seen a pony like you before.” I smiled. “There aren’t any ponies like me. I’m pretty unique.” “How can I help you?” “Well...I guess I’m looking for Pinkie Pie.” “Oh she should be back any minute from a delivery. One of our guarantees is sweets in your hooves in thirty minutes or less.” “How long has she been gone?” “Well it’s been...” She looked up at a clock on the wall. Her smile disappeared gradually. “Oh dear. It’s been seventy-three.” She looked at me again. “I’m sorry. This seems to happen. Pinkie gets distracted easily.” “Why doesn’t that surprise me?” “How rude of me! Forgetting to introduce myself. I’m Mrs. Cake. My husband and I own the bakery.” “Shade. I’m...new to Ponyville. I’m actually staying at Twilight’s until I get settled.” “Oh! So that’s how you know Pinkie!” “Who knows me?” We both looked over at the doorway where Pinkie had materialized. I smiled at her. “Just me Pinkie.” “Shade! I didn’t know you’d be here! I would have gotten that delivery to the right house on the first try if I’d known!” Mrs. Cake covered her face. “I gave you the address dear.” Pinkie’s eyes lit up. “Oooooohhh! Is that what this paper has on it? I thought it was a clue for a scavenger hunt.” Mrs. Cake stifled a moan and walked into the back room. Pinkie bounced over to me. “So what’s up?” “I was just looking for something to do.” “Like a cupcake eating contest?” “Tempting, but I’m not very hungry.” “Well we could make cupcakes! I sort of promised an extra dozen to those ponies for being so late.” “That doesn’t sound too bad.” She grinned. “Follow me!” She bounced towards the kitchen with me walking behind her. Where did she get all this energy? I entered the kitchen and looked around. It was much bigger than Twilight’s kitchen. And there were so many more pans and utensils! I sat next to the counter as Pinkie began grabbing supplies. “We’re going to make my Super Special Octuple Chocolate Cupcakes!” “Octuple chocolate?” Her grin was getting bigger. “It’s pretty much the same as my Quadruple Chocolate Cupcakes, but twice the chocolate!” “That sounds too sweet. Even for me.” “You just say that because you haven’t tried one yet.” Once all the ingredients were assembled, Pinkie started having me pass them to her. I watched as she created a batter that smelled heavenly. “So why’d you really come over?” I was surprised by the question. I looked at the pink pony, her soft smile giving me a comforting feeling. A sigh left me as I began. “I’m just trying to forget some unpleasant things.” “So you’re distracting yourself?” “Right.” “I get that.” I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. “You do?” She didn’t look at me, opting to keep her eyes on the batter. “I keep myself distracted a lot. Sometimes it’s just because I actually get distracted. It’s an attention disorder that I have. Like I was late with those cupcakes because I remembered my sister Maud is coming to town soon. And that got me thinking about rocks, then gems, then Rarity, then-" She stopped herself and took a breath. "Sorry. That's the common way I wind up distracting myself. But other times I distract myself so that I don’t get sad.” “Sad? You?” She nodded. “Sometimes I get sad for no reason. It can be really hard to get through my day when that happens. But I put on a brave face and smile for everypony. And you can’t even notice the difference between those days and my happy days.” “Why force yourself?” “Because it’s better to push through the darkness rather than sit and cry in it.” She glanced at me, a small smile forming in the corner of her mouth. “You don’t need to forget your past, but you do need to leave it where it belongs.” I stared at this pony in front of me. Here she was making cupcakes, and yet as I stared at her I began to notice small things. Her eyes were red in the corners, a few of her hairs were misplaced in her already crazy mane, and she did seem quieter than normal. At least now that we weren’t with anypony else. Could it be an off day for her? I shook my head to clear it. “How do you do it? I can’t help but think of the forest. I had my first nightmare last night and it was about being stuck in the forest again.” Pinkie finally stopped stirring the batter. “It takes a lot of practice. But every time you start thinking about what happened, you gotta distract yourself. If all remembering does is make you feel worse, then you need to think about what you’ve got right now.” “And what’s that?” “Friends.” She pointed at the batter, a smile forming again. “And in approximately thirty-five minutes, cupcakes!” That made me smile too. Pinkie held out a bag to me. “Why don’t you put in the eighth type of chocolate?” “Okay. Tell me when.” I began pouring the bag into the bowl. Pinkie watched silently. The bag was getting close to half empty. I looked at her. She didn’t say anything. I continued, glancing at her every couple of seconds. Still nothing. I tipped the bag up. “Okay Pinkie. That’s the whole bag.” She looked in the bowl. “Hmmm.... We might need more. I’ll grab another bag!” I began apologizing to my teeth for the cavities they were sure to get.