//------------------------------// // Chapter 11: I Don't Belong Here // Story: Falling Down // by RoccoRoccs //------------------------------// Dry... My mouth felt like it was filled with chalk dust as my body began to come back to life. Everything ached, but at least it was nothing in comparison to the pain I had felt back in the cave. My tongue was glued to the sides of my mouth with dried blood that had pooled in my mouth for... however long I had been out. I had to pry my eyelids open with my hooves from the where they had matted together. That awful taste and smell of metal was still filling my senses as I tried to clear my nose to breath. Everything my eyes saw held a grey hue to it, painting my world in a monochrome pattern of depression like I had never seen before. I was in my home, though I had no clue how I managed to crawl into the half collapsed building in my state. I didn't remember anything passed passing out in the grass in the front yard. I wanted to believe it was all a dream, that I had just had an episode of physios that brought on me passing out to a nightmare. But the taste in my mouth and heavy chest told me otherwise. With little strength, I mustered to my hooves and wobbled my way to one of the walls to look out a window. My worst fears were quickly brought back forefront to my mind as I gazed out across the obliterated landscape that was once my home. I wanted to know how they had pulled this off, the annalist in me craved answers, but none if it would matter at this point. Nothing could have survived that happened. Nothing. But even with all the reason I could find in me, I still needed to know if Rose was still out there. I had only just now noticed the blinking on my pipbuck, trying to tell me to get to the stable at once. Maybe Rose had made it. Maybe she was safe underground. But how would I ever know? I couldn't head to the stable now, most of the place would be on fire still. My heart ached from loneliness and worry, had something happened to her and I found her out there, I already knew what that would do to me. I barely survived the last time I had seen such a fate, I know I wouldn't make it this time. Chances are I would just lay down beside her and wait for it all to end. I didn't want to go on knowing she was gone, I wouldn't be able to, I don't have that kind of strength. I nosed the door open, a cold rush of musty, smokey air stung at my nostrils and eyes and I stepped out into what I could only describe as hell. Fires still raged in Cottonwood, they had spread to much of the Everfree forest boundary. All through out Ponyville the roads were silent and seemingly void of life. Houses that had once been painted as part of the landscape were crumbling and still collapsing before my very eyes. Though much of it seemed untouched, I knew all too well that the clicking on my pipbuck even at this distance, gave the warning of deadly radiation. Explosions of that magnitude had to give off some form of excess energy, in this case I had been magical radiation that could cripple a pony on hours. The resulting cloud of radioactive dust had settled across much of ponyville, It had to have, I was watching the smoke from Cottonwood drift over the town. Chances are everypony in town were either dead or dying at this very moment. The very thought forced me to pinch my eyes shut in heartache. I looked to Hope. Much of the blast had done little damage to the small town in the distance, the smoke had not even found its way into the valley yet. If I ever needed motivation that Rose was still out there, this was it. Even in my tired state, with everything hurting and my body weak, I knew I had to leave. If not to find Rose, then to try and fine anypony who would have made it out of this alive. It wouldn't be long until the clouds of fallout found their way all around equestria, covering everything in a blanket of deadly dust. I gathered what few things I could find that would be of use. Bottles of water, canned food consisting of apples and peaches mostly, a flashlight, a crowbar in case I needed to bust any doors open, and a first aid kit. I remember scoffing at Rose when she insisted on us getting the 'family sized' kit with five healing potions and four bottles of Rad-x... But now, I just wish I could thank her. I took my belongings and placed them in a set of saddle bags and pause to have one last look around. I may never see this place again. For a while it was my home, it was our home. But now it was little more than a bombed out shack in the woods, resembling nothing of my memories. I looked to the table near the door where the picture of Rose and I rested. It was the day we moved in, she had just found out that there was a wild garden in the back yard, I had never seen her so happy. I reached for it and pulled the picture from the frame and tucked it safely under the band of my pipbuck. Maybe it I kept it nearby, It would bring me some comfort, or at the least give me something to look at at night. I closed the door behind me and took a deep breath. I wanted to just lay down and cry, but I had to be strong, I had to find her. I was terrified and felt near death enough as it was, but I had to get moving before it was too late. I gave the house one last look and tried to see it as I had when it was still our home, but it was not use. This wasn't my home and I don't belong here. I took just enough time to leave a note, promising to return if Cherry or Rose somehow found there way back here. I took my time to thank them both for being such important parts of my life and left it stuck in the door jam. The trail I chose to take was on the outskirts of town, I thought it better to avoid the town centers in hopes of avoiding dosing myself more that I already was. I took an extra Rad-x and trotted passed the bombed out houses along the old running trail. At a distance, nearly and hours trot to this location, this part of town looked untouched, but I could not have been more wrong. Everything had been damaged, buildings were crumbling apart from a few, stone walls wore cracks like tattoos and even the ground had been ripped apart. No place my hooves found were even, the concrete beneath me was little more than rubble, cracking further and rolling with every step. I would get glaces into town as I passed by the odd house, seen more and more destruction as far as the eye could see. I had been so far from the blast and I had nearly been killed, I could not imagine how strong the forces were here with nothing to dampen the force. I rounded a corner that would bring me to the Maple Split in the running trail but my route was blocked by trees that had been tossed in the court yard. This was bad, it meant traveling into town, if only for a few hundred yards or so. Radiation was bad enough when the constant clicking reminder on my hoof, but I was more afraid of what I would see. I took a shallow breath and turned into Market Square, trotting carefully. It was worse than I had imagined. The Market was still standing, shielded from much of the blast from the buildings, but that wasn't what hit me. It was the smell. That metallic odor of blood and bile filled the air around me, assaulting my nose like acid. I recoiled from my spot when I saw that I was standing in a fresh pool of blood near a mound of rubble. I didn't want to think of what could be under it, even though deep down I knew. Through the haze of fog, I could make out bodies, seeming to glow in a pastel light to my unwilling eyes. The harder I tried to not see them, the more they stood out. The air was musty and still, what I could only describe as the loudest silence I had ever hurt tore at my thoughts as I searched frantically for a way out. Finally, after what was surely only moments but felt like hours, I found the running track access and darted down it. But I was froze in my tracks by a sound that broke the silence. "H...Help..." Oh no... no, no, no, no! I don't want to look! But I had to, I glanced down at the corner of the building that had crumbled under the weight of the collapsed roof to see a mare. She couldn't be out of her teens, crushed under a beam of wood that had seemed to have hit her in the middle of the back. I had often wondered what hopeless looked like when I was in my dark place, but to see somepony else wearing the same look just hurt so much more. "Oh dear Celestia!" I shrieked. "Please... Help!" She whispered. She wasn't bleeding that I could see, but she was badly hurt. There was no telling just how bad her injuries were, but judging by the world around us, she had just been pinned. Had she been seriously hurt, she would have already died, but there was no telling what the radiation was already doing to her. I pulled my crowbar from my bags and wedged it under the beam and began trying to work it loose. "What's your name, dear?" I asked as I pushed with all my strength. "S-Sage..." She spat out through gargled coughs. "Ok, Sage. We are going to get you out of here, just hold in there." I said as I worked to the beam. I was terrified, I had to save her, she was just a kid compared to me. I used nearly all my strength, fighting the fallen wood with everything I had. Every time I thought I had it moved, the wood would crumble and it would let the bar slip free. I worked feverishly for what felt like and hour before I managed to get the beam to lift and move out of the way enough that I could pull her free. "Com'on girl. Com'on!" I said as I tugged at her front hooves. "Stay with me now! Just give me a good hard kick!" "I... feel so... c-cold." "Oh no! Don't you say that!" I said as I fell back with her body cradled against mine. "T-Thank you for saving... me..." She mumbled back to me. "We are going to get you out of here! I promise! Just hold on for a little longer and I will-" I looked down to see her limp body in my hooves, what was left of it. Her body bellow her belly had been crushed, leaving bone and sinew exposed in a fresh pool of blood. I had wanted to badly to save her that I had not took the time to see if what I was doing was the right thing. The moment she saw me, she was doomed. The beam had been keeping pressure on her wounds, the moment I lifted it, she bled out. I fell back in horror, I had never seen a pony so devastated by injury, not even in textbooks. I looked at her lifeless body, so young and fragile, struck down by the malice from on high and I felt nothing. Seeing her like this meant that she wasn't alone, other ponies had suffered similar fates if not worse, she was just a taste of what was to come. I wept for her, I cursed myself as a murder who wanted to do the right thing, but it was all in vain. There was no court to hold a trial about my actions, there was just what was left of this world. This was the norm now, no oversight, no law, just nothing. It was worse than any hell that I could imagine. I bushed her eyes closed with a wing and did my best to ease her back below the beam that had once crushed her. I didn't want to leave her like this, but what choice did I have, the most I could do is leave her to look as if she were sleeping. I trotted in thoughtless silence to the edge of town where the nature trail took over from the once concrete pathway. Apart from a few broken trees, this area looked to have been untouched by the explosion. It gave me hope that maybe Rose was still safe, but my pipbuck clicking had yet to ease up. It was nearing yellow in the town where I had spent far too long, but here it was edging back towards the green. Thank goodness for that. I was still broken hearted over what had happened, but I was hard to cry over a pony I barely knew. Even still my chest ached over her and what she had to go through, only to be killed by my own haste to help. Try as I might, I could not shake the feeling of how bad I felt over it. I tried to reason with myself that I had done everything I could, that I wanted to help, but it was all in vain, I wanted to be held accountable for it. The only thing that was keeping me moving was the hope that I could see Rose, just one more time. I trotted for hours, praying to see somepony, anypony. Any form of life that could give me comfort from this hell I was living at every turn. I saw body after body laying along the trail, all of them frozen to the ground from where they fell. I could see their hoof tracks where they had staggered and fell from their injuries and radiation poisoning. It was surreal, I had expected to feel sad or even overwhelmed, but what hurt more than everything else was the fact that I was beginning to fell numb to it. I didn't want to feel that way, I want to morn them, but I was being exposed to so much so fast that my brain was shutting down. Finally, I found the town of Hope. I had prayed that it would have a few ponies left alive, but the town was silent. It had never been a large town, mostly industrial in nature, but it had still thrived in the war economy. Doors were left wide open to every house I passed, leaving little to the imagination that anypony lived here anymore. I trotted through town, looking for anything that resembled Lilly's apartment row, but I had been on the go for so long that my mind was numb. Everything looked the same in the near dark evening light. Despite the bombs, the Pegasi had held the cloud cover for so long that it would take days to begin to clear. That meant an even darker night than usual in a place that was little less than a living nightmare. But despite my odds, I found it. It was still standing, some of the homes even had lights still burning! I felt my heart flutter as I ran to the doorway of Lilly's little apartment. With a shove, I forced the door open to... nothing. "Rose! Rose! Where are you!" I shouted, but there was not reply. My heart sank, I looked throughout the house but there was no sign of anypony. They had all been evacuated. Part of me felt a wave of relief flood over me that they had gotten out in time, but my heart yearned to find her just that much more. I looked out the front door into the quickly darkening streets, there was no way I would find my way around much longer in this. If they had not been evacuated, they would surely come back, wouldn't they? I shucked off my bags and curled up in the floor into a ball. Maybe they would come back soon. Maybe they would find me here. Maybe they made it to one of the Stables here in town. Rose did have a OIA pipbuck like me, it was one of the few that could actually grant you access after they had locked down, at least to gen-pop Stables. Maybe she had made it to safety. I opened a can of peaches but I never got the chance to eat them, I passed out right there. My body had had all it could take for the twelve hours I had been on the move. My brain played a symphony of memories of everything I had ever loved. I saw Rose, laying under the cover next to me, smiling that hopeful smile she always wore. I saw my team back in Canterlot, laughing about a bad joke Click had told and eating pizza as they poked fun as intel they had just uncovered. But what woke me from my sleep, was Lolly. I saw her and the kids, playing in our back yard together. Try as I might, I could never force myself to open the door. They were so happy, they were safe and not hurt and I was forced to look at the life I had missed out on for so long. The dreams I was having were a direct result to what all I had seen. It was my mind trying to sooth me in my fractured state, but even in my dreams they were just out of reach. I woke to what little light was filling the room. It was daylight, or at least what the world knew as daylight. I took in what I could keep down of my still open can of peaches and started back towards the door. There was nothing for me here either, except there was something. By the door laid a note that had been clearly written in haste. It was from Rose! She must have known I would come for her! Chance, if you are reading this, then maybe you won't mind to come a bit further. I know you would have come looking for me, but know that I am safe. We are leaving for the Stable 12 as soon as I write this, it's located near the Hope Solar Array. If you find this, I will be waiting for you there. I pray that you do. I know I shouldn't think this way... But I know our time together was short, but it was everything to me. Every smile I ever had is yours. You gave me your heart, and I gave you mine and mine is yours to keep. I know you miss Lolly, but know i miss you every bit as much at this moment. If you made it this far, I know you are hurt and tired, but please keep moving. I know you can do it, I have faith in you. Right beside the door way, just under the table where her note laid was a MOP first aid kit and three apples, all taped together with with words 'From: Rose', drawn with a little flower. Even in the darkest time of her life, she had thought enough to pack me a lunch and some care items. The very act brought tears to my eyes. I opened the kit up and took a healing potion as soon as my hooves found it. I washed it down with a fresh apple as I searched the contents for what I only prayed was in there. "Jackpot!" I said with a grin and I spun the top off the bottle of Buck. I was going to need this to make it to the Solar Array. It wasn't that far, but I had little energy and I could already feel my body beginning to draw up from hunger. As the potion worked it's magic, I began to feel less and less of the aches and pains I had felt from being run through the ringer of the explosion. I had horded the five from our house in hopes of helping somepony with them. But these were from Rose, she left them for me and me alone so I could make it to her. I trotted out of the door way and pointed my nose north. Her note and that little care package were just what I needed to push me forward. I don't know if it was the fear of dying or the desire to find her that had kept me going this long, but whatever it was, I was moving. With my blood pumping high octane Buck through my system and my belly full of apples I all but ran out of town towards the Everfree where the Solar Array was located. My mind, though still full of dread that I would find her laying along the freshly beaten trail, was eased by every passing hillside. The distance seemed to stretch on and on as I galloped through the mud, every step feeling like I was running in reverse rather than forward. Before long though, I had found my way to the back of the Array where the Stable door was hidden. It was common knowledge that it was hidden just inside of the Everfree near a hillside and with a little luck I found the cave entrance. I ran down the winding passageway, I didn't even take the time to pull out my flashlight, instead using my wing to drag along the wall to guide me. The amber glow of the security lights began to illuminate the walls around me as the narrow passage widened into a large room. I had seen Stable doors being made, I had seen them being installed, but I had never seen one quite this large before. Standing easily ten times as tall as I did, the large gear shaped door had been effectively sealed. I knew that by now the doors would have been shut tight on every Stable in all of Equestria, but it did not stop me from feeling that sickening feeling of worry that they would never open again. It was no secret that I had never actually been a fan of the Stable project from the start, but how could any of us have know just how invaluable they would become to life. I trotted to the control terminal and began to punch in the codes needed to speak with the overmare. Such protocol was unheard of in the Stable-Tec guidelines, but I was counting on the fact that I might know somepony in charge. "HALT! Cease your activities before protective measures are activated!" A familiar voice rang out through the cave. "Identify yourself!" "OIA designation C44-19, Chance Haven!" I replied with authority. "Chance!? We thought you were dead!" Another voice shouted. Good to hear Click made it ok. "Yeah-yeah! Me and Click thought you were apple sauced!" And there is Clack... "Quite you two!" The over mare bellowed. I let out a chuckle at her anger, it was so nice to see that from the outside in for once. "C44... We have you on record as missing from roster for entrance. Exactly where have you been?" I had been afraid of this... With the bombs freshly dropped I had worried that suspicions would have arose from my absence. Rightfully so, but still infuriatingly frustrating. Angry as I was at the impromptu questioning, I had to abide by the rules and procedures if I were to get in at any point in all of this. "I was at home madam. I woke up the bombs being set off everywhere." I spat out. I then proceed to go into vivid detail about what I had seen, every detail about what I had seen from my front porch and my time in the cave. I even told them about seeing Lolly in my delirium as I passed out. I left nothing to spare as I described just how horrific seeing it unfold was. There was a long pause after I finished, only radio static filled the cave as I waited for a response. "And after that?" The Overmare asked, her voice sounding more fractured than it had before. "And after that... I walked through hell. I watched as everything I ever knew crumbled in the aftermath. I held a mare as she passed away in my arms. I felt hope grow and slip away over and over again. I saw a world that nopony ever should, a world where nopony ever belongs in. I saw hell itself." I cried out. Another long silence hung in the air between myself and the monitor in front of me. I was on trial for the very act of surviving and making it this far. As much as I understood the reasoning why, I wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs to open the door. But doing anything other than I was told would lead me right back out of this cave I worked so hard to get to. "Why?" She asked. I was set back on my haunches by the question. "Madam?" I asked in confusion. "Why did you come here? Given your past we had thought that something like this would be within your wishes. Death beyond your own control, freedom of suicide and depression at the hoof of somepony else. Tell me, why." The radio broke with yelling and screaming from Click and Clack yet again. "THAT'S CHANCE OUT THERE! NOT SOME FILTHY ZEBRA!" Clack screamed. "HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH A THING TO HIM AFTER ALL HE HAS BEEN THROUGH!" Click affirmed. "SILENCE! YOU TWO BEST LEARN TO RESPECT COMMAND BEFORE YOU FIND YOURSELVES ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT DAMN DOOR AS WELL! Chance, answer the question." The Overmare repeated. I thought I had an easy pass into the Stable. But this was getting personal beyond belief. But what she said had merit to me. Why had I done it? Why did I trot for miles over broken ground rather than lay down and die? I had wanted death so badly for so long just so I could see Lolly and the kids again. But I was here, I was standing right here! I was barely alive, sick with radiation and I knew I had broken bones that were slowly infecting. Even in my dreams I had wanted nothing more than to stare out that window at Lolly and the kids playing forever. Yet, I got up and I moved. I did little more less than run here the first chance I could. I know I had thought it was Rose that brought me here, and in many ways that was very true. But was that really enough for me? I loved Rose, nearly as much as I did with Lolly, with time I'm sure it would even equalize even. But was that really why I came here, or was I running through the motions of the advice of an apparition? No, that couldn't be it. I knew why I was here, I knew exactly why I was here! "Because... it is what she would have wanted for me. She wanted me to be happy." I said with a sniff. Another long pause followed. This time however, the silence wasn't broken by a loud siren and the clanging of metal. Jumped as the giant gear broke free from its mountings and began to slide out of the way. Sparks shot from the corners of the cogs as it ground at the steel along its journey. I breathed a sigh of relief, stood up and trotted to the platform. In the amber glow I looked more like a zebra than a pony from the matted blood in my coat, but that didn't stop Rose from tackling me. "CHANCE!" "ROSE!" We both screamed in excitement. The two of us fell to the iron grating and held on for dear life. We had both seen the world end and somehow our love had carried us both through the Bale Fire to be together again. At this moment in my life, I had never felt more right, I had never felt more loved and I had never before felt like I was more home. Home isn't a house, it's that feeling of not being lost anymore. I had lost mine so long ago and for a long time I had wondered this world lost to everypony but myself. Just another forgotten soul, too broken to fix, but not broken enough to pass on. But one day somepony found me and showed me the way back. I was tired and weary, I didn't want to make the journey alone, so they trotted beside me. I was scared, so they held my hoof and I was passed my breaking point, but they carried me back. They brought me back from hell, they brought me home. "I'm home. I finally made it home!"