I had come so far from that dark place I had been hiding in for so long that i had nearly forgot what days like today brought to the table. I had woke up at nearly six a.m., being startled awake by the thunder and rain beating on the window pain. The sun was just beginning to push it's way through the clouds, casting a soft blue and grey light around the landscape. I had made myself a pot of coffee and resided myself to staring out the window to watch the rain wash away the night to make way for dawn.
I stood there quietly, sipping my hot coffee and taking in that sweet smell that always comes during a morning thunderstorm. It was one of the few things in this world that I truly loved. Lolly, the kids and I used to crawl into our bed our just sleep the day away, forever listening to the piter-patter of rain drops on the roof. It was one of the few thing I could remember about them that didn't send me running for the liquor cabinet every time it came up. So, even after the accident, when ever it would rain I would star for hours out the window. It was as if I could still feel that small connection to them somehow.
I had told myself that Lolly was the only mare for me and that if I ever lost her that there would never be a replacement. Well, I had been half right. There will never be a replacement for her, but there is also no one mate for anypony. While I will always love her and she will always have a place in my heart for all eternity, Cherry had told me something, just the other night. Her words were that if Lolly could see me know, she would be happy to see me back on my hooves. She said that she would be proud of me for facing my demons head on and taking my life back.
It had made me wonder that if it were me who had been lost, the first thing I would have wanted Lolly to do is forget about me. I wouldn't want her to suffer because I was gone, I would want her to remember me forever and smile. So that's what I'm doing now, staring out the window hopelessly and smiling. I will miss my kids, I will miss her and I doubt I will ever stop missing them, but it's time for me to move on with my life. It's time I started living for them rather than living without them.
Cherry had stayed the night again, still refusing to take her eyes off me for a moment. Ever since the little incident in Baltimare during the exchange, she had feared for my life. Even with me telling her that it was nonsense to do so, it was like she was constantly on the look out for me. I swore that every day of the few months since the indecent happened it was like she was growing more and more nervous. Just about the only time I had away from her was when Roseluck was around me. She claimed it was to keep her from worrying that her and I had a thing, but I think she is scared of her.
Every time we would hear a knock on the door, she would run to the back of the house and wait to leave. It was cute in it's own way, but I actually really wanted the two of them to meet. Rose was my marefriend and Cherry was my now best friend, I felt wrong not introducing the two of them, but that is what Cherry insisted on. She claimed that she didn't want to take away from 'us' time between Rose and I, but I still felt ill about it. Rose was even starting to get curious as to why she had not seen her around the house either.
If she kept this whole avoidance thing up, Rose might actually start to worry that something IS going on. The two of them are both very protective of me despite my rather freedom giving like perception of what a relationship is. I like to think of my partner as somepony I can trust explicitly with my heart. I can't stand that type of mare who is constantly up my butt about where I am, who I'm with or what I'm doing. It just... rubs me wrong. Needing somepony and needing somepony in your life are two very different concepts, but someponies blur them together. For me, somepony that needs me, is somepony that can not stand on their own, they can't handle life without somepony there all the time. Where that's fine for that type of pony, I like to think I need something... more.
Rose doesn't need me at all. She has her own business, her own friends and her own home! She is strong and independent without the least of a care in the world about it. To me that shows me so much more than sex or mere words can provide. To me it shows me that she doesn't need me, but rather she wants me. Reliance is a rare thing to beholden for anypony, but for ponies like Rose it comes natural. So for her to want to spend her days with me by her side... That's as close to true love as words can quantify.
Together we are very strong, we can take just about anything that come down the pipe so long as the other is right there by the other's side. Not out of need, but out of wanting to support the other one. We want each other to succeed, we want to be happy together and care free and we want to see this through together. Even with me loosing my job over mine and my teams little stunt to track down Fluttershy and catch her in the act ourselves, she still stood by me and nudged me on. With our relationship still blossoming, I finally said those three little words that I tend to not throw around lightly to her and asked if she want us to move in together.
It was an amazing day that one, filled with tears and smiles for the both of us. Her because she knew that she had done the impossible and found a way to get close to me. For me it was that I had prove myself wrong and that I was worthy of love again. But for the both of us it meant that we would never be alone again. So, even with OIA reviews, job losses and nervous breakdowns, love still found a way to make it all work between us.
I had testified to the crime of snooping a little too close to the OIA during a covert mission, taking full resposiblity for my teams actions under order. It was a plea bargain, but one I very much so doubt that anypony saw coming. In exchange for my testimony, I requested that my team be granted access to Stable 2 in the event of the unthinkable. I knew it was a selfless act myself, a selfless act that would at the very least show companion towards them for everything we had been through together. I had hoped that putting my neck on the chopping block would afford me to stay out of prison, but the OIA's own need for discretion did that for me.
I imagine that the fact that they would have to execute a pony in town square would draw a few questions as it always did. But all it would take is one word from my lips to ruin the whole show. So instead, I signed a gag order and resolved to never speak of my time at the OIA to anypony ever again. The things I learned there were vile, dark and hazardous with contact. Nopony needs that information but me. Whether our days be numbered or numerous, let them live without worry or fear of what's at the front line of life in equestria.
The only regret I will carry from that day is that I didn't get close enough to see the face of the Zebra she was talking to that night. If I had got a make on them, it would have been the end for them and every Zebra around them. As far as I know the secrets were never passed, but everything is just as far as I know. I knew that my team was safe and that I was with Rose again, that was all I needed. But what my team did for me, rather Rose and I, blew me off my hooves.
They lobbied within the system to allow for Rose and I to be grated access to Stable 2 in the event of tragedy. I had begged for Cherry to allow me to claim her as my younger sister, but she claimed to rather be with her family if something happened. I can't blame her one bit, It's exactly what I would do. She turned it down without hesitation claiming that we all have a time and when her's comes, she wanted to be with the ones she loved if they couldn't be with her. Such a sweet mare.
"I'M UP!" Cherry screamed from the downstairs couch. Ah, there is that sweet and very loud mare now! I trotted down stairs to greet the sleepy mare back to the world of the living.
"I see you slept well." I said, offering her a coffee.
"Barely..."
"I take it you are still spending most of the night glued to the window?"
"I swore I heard something. When are you going to let that go?"
"When you let go of the glass. Cherry, I know it's scary to be under surveillance form the OIA, they are hardly inconspicuous about it. But you have got to let this fear go that something bad is going to happen to me."
"Chance... I have a gut feeling that something bad will happen... OK? Just, let me see it through."
"If something bad is going to happen, then why is it that they have backed off. Patrols are down to once per day and the line isn't even tapped anymore."
"I don't care about that lines or the patrols. Chance, from what you said, they are none-too-pleased with you over what happened in Manehattan. If they want you dead-"
"Then I would have died right then and there... No warning, no waiting... They would have ended the moment they caught us snooping around. The OIA has a very clean record of no mistakes."
"Then, why are you still alive?" She asked, looking more pained for the truth than usual.
"If I were to put a hoof on it." I began, looking out the same window next to her. "I would say they still need me for something. A random ghost from their past came out of nowhere and set up a covert listen post over night. He put together a team in a day and nearly over threw their entire mission because two of his key loggers got bored. You either kill somepony like that, or you keep them as an asset."
"So you think they are going to keep you around in case they need you?"
"I don't think it, but it's possible. Me standing here months later is the proof. The fact that Cherry and I are being allowed entrance to a Stable. There is also the possibility that they might want me to work for them again under a silent designation. Golden Blood himself told me that I showed great talent, but also a keen disregard for protocol. Such a thing is looked down on."
"Yeah well... I still have a bad feeling about all of it. If not from that... OIA place... then something is bad wrong. Don't you feel it?" Cherry asked. Her eyes were bordering begging rather than reasoning. It was as if she knew something was going to happen soon and we needed to be far away from here. "I still wish you would take me up on moving out the my families farm. I think it would solve all of this."
"Cherry... I love you for how protective you are towards myself and Rose. But there is no need for any of that. What would the OIA think if I were to suddenly run off to a remote location in the dead of night?"
"Probably that you decided to move!"
"Or that I was trying to hide something. Look, with me out in the open, right here were they can see me, I'm safe from them. But the moment that I start going all aloof and running around, they are going to start taking closer sniffs until they decide that I'm too much of a hazard. If something like that happens, it's best that I not be near your family."
"Maybe you are right. But that is not going to calm this fear down."
"I know, I know. You got it in your got that something bad is about to happen."
"I do... I really do." She said as the two of us stared down the skyline of Canterlot from the window.
Maybe she was right. Nothing really felt the same since that day in Manehattan. It was as if there was a separation of the universe that happened in that exact spot. The OIA had fooled Fluttershy into meeting with them to pass off documents to an undercover agent... But the whole thing stunk to high heaven. He body language was off, the words she used were wrong and the deal was not concealed like you might think.
Everything was painted in a perfect picture of grey and white. No black to be seen, no stark conclusions to be made, just grey. At the time I calked it up to her believing she was doing the right think and slipping into that all too familiar nurse like persona that she had at my bedside. But had I been wrong? The only other conclusion was that she had already met with the Zebras or their sympathizers earlier. But how!? My team was on her from the moment she set hoof in Manehattan, watching her every move.
Could it be possible that she fooled us all? No, she couldn't have. Even with the massive dread hanging over my head, she still couldn't have gotten it passed me, my team, the OIA, Golden Blood and the half a million bits worth of listening equipment. Maybe a dead drop, but even then, we had tails on her gathering everything she left. She couldn't have made it passed us... Then again, she did set this thing up after all. What else was outside her nature when she felt that she was right enough to follow through with a plan like that.
"I'm heading home. I saw Rose making her way over here and I need to check on my little sister."
"Sure you wont stay? She has heard a lot about you and would love to meet you face to face."
"No can do! I got chores to finish and trees to kick. Speaking of, I best kick rocks before she gets here. I think she has news for you or something."
"What makes you say that?"
"She's been standing at your door since I woke up." Cherry said as she rushed through the backdoor and out into the rain.
"Chance? Are you home?" Rose said through the door.
"Doors open, hun. Come on in."
As soon as the door opened, I knew the look. Soft eyes that had been crying, tense frame as if they were ready to be hit with an ax and that damn downward look as if she didn't want to make eye contact. She hadn't been waiting to knock on the door, she had been waiting for the rain to cover the evidence of tears on her face. I know this look and I know what was to follow, my only regret now was not forcing Cherry to stay longer. I was going to need her after this, I can feel it.
"Chance?" A meek voice said under those crimson bangs.
"Yes dear?" I replied as I put a blanket over her. She was shivering cold and drenched with rain, but by feeling her you would have never guessed she had spend that much time outside.
"Can we... Can we talk?" Oh hell... Not those words. Ok buddy, grit those teeth! Bite that leather and hold on tight, this is going to hurt. I offered her the couch to sit on and I guided her to the living room. I took my place across from her, doing my best to hold in the questions and fears as I wait for her to speak.
"Chance... It's been going so well between us." No, not today. Not on the one happy day I had left to hold on to. Please, Rose. Don't sully this one too. "And I'm so happy for you with how well you have bounced back from all of... this. Honestly, I wish I was as strong as you are sometimes. But then I remember that you hurt for so long, I can't even imagine what it did to you to lose Lolly and the kids. What pain it had to take to take a buck like you down to that level." Sure... Build me up. I'm ready for it, this is going to suck, I just know it.
"It was... hard. Rose? Why do I get the feeling that all these complements, this sad expression you have is leading up to something much more... painful." I said a touch coldly. She knew I hated stalling and she knew I hated flattery even more, why was she doing this.
"Chance... I don't know how to say this... But I think you would just want me to come out and say it."
"Rose... no... Please, don't-" I started.
"Can I borrow some money?" Wait what!? I had build all this up... in my head!? She wanted money!? That's it!?
"Oh Celestia! Oh Luna... Oh Rose, you made me think-"
"OH NO! No-no-no! I would never!"
"Because it sound like-"
"I know! Oh gosh I'm so sorry! To think what that would have done to you!" She shouted as she wrapped me in a hug.
"Then... Why the tears? If it's money you needed, I have plenty to spare. I was fired sure, but the OIA still payed out on my pension and I still have the ministry money coming in!"
"Chance I have worked for everything I have ever had. Ever since I was a filly I have wanted my own shop growing and selling flowers and now... Nopony wants flowers anymore! They all just look at me like I'm a silly mare wasting her time selling dead sticks! I wanted to bring a little beauty to this world, especially now with everything going on! But now... I owe nearly two thousand bits for rent. I'm nearly four months behind and I don't know what to do!" Rose sobbed into my shoulder. My heart was about to explode, it was like I had been pushed from in front of that damn train again!
"Rose, I have the money. Let's get you caught up on rent. I know it's bad right now, but one day it's not going to be. Sure there is a war and ponies are trotting around in a haze of media and mire, but one day they will snap out of it. When they do they will be so sorry they didn't stop to smell the roses sooner." I said as I brushed her mane with my one good wing.
"Is that what happened to you?" She asked, those emerald eyes glistening with tears.
"That is exactly what happened to me. If you ask me, this world needs a few more roses and a few less wars."
We hugged it out, laughed about how I thought I was being broken up with, grabbed our coats and headed for the bank. I can not believe I let my imagination get the better of me, but when you have been tempered to see nothing but negativity, it tends to happen. My heart sank when Rose came through the door looking like she did. I nearly broke the way she spoke! I ca't believe that... She was this close to me.
I could imagine how ashamed it must have made her feel, how degrading it was to ask for money from her colt-friend after all we had been through. More over, all that she had worked for. We had been together for a while now and I could tell that she was one of the hardest working ponies I had ever met. She put her business first and herself second when it came to seeing to it growing and flourishing. I can see why it had hurt her so much to stoop to borrowing money from me, but I can't understand why she would think for a moment I would ever look down on her for it.
If anything, it was just another sign of how much she trusted me with the matter. Just one more brick in that wall of the life we were building together. Had she not come to me, then I would have been worried, but she did. Honestly, I couldn't be happier right now! I was getting the gratification to help somepony I loved and I was putting some of that OIA blood money to good use, rather than snooping.
With out nearly a care, I trotted to the teller and withdrew not just two thousand bits, but forty five hundred bits, in two separated bags. If Rose was going to show me she trusted me, I was going to repay the favor and use the only thing I had left to work with, money. Truth be told, it was more fluid than I would like to admit, but what do you want from me? I spend three years isolated, living on nothing more than cold beans and liquor. Despite the sounding, it was not a lavish lifestyle in the least, so I had a few extra bucks kicking at the door.
The two of us trotted through the rain, laughing and splashing each other as we tracked down her landlord. I was actually quite shocked that she even had a landlord considering it was a flower stand. But as does many things in this world, flower stands sit on land, land is owned by somepony and that somepony usually wants money for it. It was ridiculous, but ponies gotta eat, so who am I to judge.
Rose and the land lord talked for far too long for this to be a simple transaction so I did wander a bit around the town center. Nipped into a few stores, looked at stuff I didn't need, I even bought a few things I had been looking for. Then, while keeping a close eye on the two of them talking in the rain, I found the perfect gift for Rose. It wasn't much, in fact I didn't think too much of it at all, but I was counting on the adage that 'it's the thought that counts' seeing me through. When you really boil it down, I honestly don't have much to offer somepony other than a few bits here and there and maybe the odd interesting conversation.
But Rose saw something more in me, something I didn't, rather something that I couldn't. Maybe it was a broken and tired pony that she hoped to nurse back to life, maybe it was the conversations we had. Whatever it was, I knew that she saw something I didn't deep down and I could only hope that little spark of something never died out. After all, I was fond of the way she looked at me.
"All finished?" I said, trotting out of a second-hoof book store.
"Paid up and in advance for one month. He didn't like it at first, but I talked him in to letting me open tomorrow to have a sale."
"Well good for you miss Rose! So what are the chances that a buck could get a sneak peak at the good a little early? I hear the florist has some pretty hot looking carnations in stock!"
"Well... I could be pursued to maybe let you have a little peek! Got something in mind for a special somepony?" Rose said as she reached her nose up to mine.
"Oh you have no idea!"
Rose showed me to her booth and raised the shutters and all at once my nose was filled with that delightful scent of fresh cut stems and nectar. I knew the smell well, Rose wore it often... Except on fertilizer day, for that I would need a clothes pin. She had arranged pre-built bouquets fit for the castle, all neatly tucked away in brown wrappings that had become trademark to her style. She even had a little station set up to make custom orders for her clients, all stocked with fresh picked and cut flowers ready to be wrapped. She certainly knew her craft. I trotted to the front of the stand and placed my hooves on the wood counter and worked up all of my charm.
"Say miss, what do you have for somepony who you are in love with, but don't know how to say it?" I said with a wiggle of the eyebrow.
"Oh where to start... Maybe some Peruvian Lillie's with a touch of Foals Breath, or perhaps Tulips are more your style." She said leaning over the counter.
"No..." I said as I escorted her back to the street. "I'm old fashioned, what do you have that says... 'I love you and I want you for the rest of my life?" I said in my best gentlebuck voice. Rose scoffed a bit, the fact that I was being a difficult customer had to be the most ridiculous thing in the world to her.
"Well. You you just can't get with the times..." She started as she reached back and pulled out a single red rose from her stall. "I guess it's a oldy but a goo-" Rose stood in shock.
"Rose, there is only one flower that will work. You know that."
"Here!? Now!?" She stammered.
"I don't have much to give you. But I can give you my trust, my loyalty and my heart." I said while holding out the golden rose with a diamond in the center. "I saw it and I knew it was time."
"You saw this rose and thought it was time for what?" She said, heart looking to jump out of her chest at any moment.
"No, I saw you trusted me enough to help you, just like you helped me. Rose, will you marry me?"
The street center stood silent as we all waited for her to answer. Had I done this too soon? I would like to think I know what true love is after everything I had been through, but did she? Would she say no? Would she leave me standing there, the world letting me down one more time? I had so much riding on this moment in my life that I didn't know what to do if it all went wrong.
"YES! Oh goodness yes!" She screamed, scaring the wee out of me in my trance of my world flashing before my eyes.
From train tracks to rose gardens in the rain, my life had changed again. I had found love and lost it all in the blink of an eye. I had seen first hoof how life can through you a curve ball and do its best to burn everything around you. I found the lowest point on earth, only to be brought back from the brink by dear friends and now lovers. I had never thought for a moment that my life would turn out like this, but here I am in the pouring rain, kissing the mare I love.