//------------------------------// // Chapter 3: Discord does an Oopsie // Story: Undead Robot Bug Crusaders: Unusual Lives // by Banjo64 //------------------------------// It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and everything pointed to a calm, pleasant afternoon. Except the fact that it was Saturday, which meant there was roughly a 99.999% chance that something was about to go down. Which in turn meant that everypony in town was placing bets on what was going to happen this week. The CMC were no exception. They just had to make sure their sisters never found out. “Alright, what’s the wager this time?” asked Apple Bloom. “Two bits on monster attack. We’ve had one the past two weeks, and rule of three should ensure we get a third,” said Sweetie Belle. “Nah, it’s going to be a low key friendship problem. Things have been a little too crazy lately. We’re due for a slow week,” said Scootaloo. “Too crazy for Ponyville? There’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one,” said Sweetie Belle with a giggle. “Again with the dictionary stuff, Sweetie Belle?” asked Scootaloo. “I’m a robot. Stereotypically, I am a walking embodiment of a dictionary,” replied Sweetie Belle. “Ah dunno, fancy words like that just make ya sound more like Twilight than a thinkin’ machine,” added Apple Bloom. “There’s a difference?” asked Scootaloo. The three of them broke into giggles. “Anyway, back to our bet, Ah’m gonna wager it’s gonna involve somepony we haven’t seen in a long time. Like maybe Trixie or Thorax,” said Apple Bloom. “You sure you wanna go with ‘somepony’? Might be ‘someone’ instead. Like Discord?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Discord? Really?” asked Scootaloo. “Yeah, good point. It might be someone like Discord…” said Apple Bloom. There was a loud snap. “Did someone call me? You did chant my name three times in the middle of a bet,” said Discord. The three fillies stared at the spirit of chaos that had spontaneous appeared in their clubhouse, wearing a business suit a holding a calculator in one claw. They hadn’t seen this coming, and they were still a little wary of the “reformed” draconequus. Even so, Sweetie Belle couldn’t help herself. “Uh… is that really a thing, or did you just make that up?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Is there a difference? I honestly can’t tell. Though I suppose the three name chant is a bit of a cliche, so I’d best be rid of it,” replied Discord. Discord snapped his fingers and his attire vanished. “At any rate, how’s my favorite little trio of chaos spawn doing this fine day?” asked Discord. That comment earned him three glares. “There are so many things wrong with that sentence, I don’t even know where to begin. And you better not turn us into weird mismatched creatures to make your point,” said Scootaloo. “Yeah. Didn’t Fluttershy make you promise to leave us alone?” added Sweetie Belle. “I promised I wouldn’t cause you three any grief. I never said anything about stopping by for a friendly chat. And besides, why would I need to turn you three into anything? You’re already far from typical ponies, aren’t you?” said Discord. The CMC shared an awkward look. He had a point there. “Whatever. So if you really only came by to chat, what exactly do you want to talk about?” asked Scootaloo. “Eager to be rid of me already? Oh, how very heartbreaking,” said Discord. His chest then proceeded to crumble away, leaving a heart shaped hole (the organ, not the symbol). “Yes, I am. We’re kind of in the middle of something, so we’d appreciate it if you’d kindly get lost,” said Scootaloo. “But couldn't this technically be considered a low key monster attack involving someone we haven’t seen in a while? Wouldn’t that make the bet a three way tie?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Oh, pah. Ties are merely a polite way of say “we’re all equally inadequate.” It’s why business ponies insist on wearing them,” said Discord. The clubhouse was silent for a moment. “Ah can’t tell if that pun was clever, or just dumb,” said Apple Bloom. “Why not both?” asked Discord. The three fillies sighed. Discord replied by snapping a chair made of cheese into existence and taking a seat. “Look, I am well aware that you don’t have a very high opinion of me at the moment, but you know that your little secrets aren’t the only reason I like you three so much. Surely you must be aware of how much chaos your hunt for butt tattoos tends to cause. Especially considering it was you three who gave me that little push to break free that day in the gardens,” said Discord. “Yeah, we know. And I’m pretty sure that was the reason why Fluttershy made you promise to leave us alone,” said Scootaloo. “Not to mention what you did to us as a ‘thank you’ present,” added Apple Bloom. “What was up with the plastic doll thing anyway?” asked Sweetie Belle. Her friends looked at her with deadpan expressions. “What? I’m just curious,” said Sweetie Belle with a shrug. Discord chuckled and pulled out a small toy pony that looked a lot like Fluttershy, which he then proceeded to brush the mane of. “Oh, just a bit of meta humor. Something you need not concern your simple three-dimensional minds about. And in hindsight, I have to admit it wasn’t my greatest performance. Probably should have saved that one for Sun Bottom. At least then she’d have turned pink as a bonus,” said Discord. The three fillies got the impression that whatever Discord was talking about, they were better off not knowing. “And before you ask, I didn’t try anything relating to your little secrets as at the time only one of you was aware of your condition, and one of you had yet to take an unfortunate walk in the woods. And you do know how much I despise spoilers,” said Discord. “We don’t know, actually,” commented Apple Bloom. Discord stashed the Fluttershy toy away with the uttermost care, and tossed the brush out the window without a second glance. “Details. But that’s enough about back then. Let’s talk about the Here and Now. The Here is that we have three little chaos prone fillies, and the Now is that all three are perfectly aware of their own uniqueness. And that gives me an idea for a little chaos that I think you three will enjoy,” said Discord. The CMC were immediately put on edge. “A little chaos? Discord, what are you planning? You promised you wouldn’t...” said Scootaloo. “Oh, I’m not going to cause you any grief. We’re just going to play a fun little game of ‘Musical Abnormalities,” said Discord, cracking his knuckles. “Musical Ab… wait, no! Discord, don’t!” cried Sweetie Belle. Discord snapped his fingers. Big Mac blinked as a brush came flying out of nowhere and got stuck in his mane. “Huh,” said Big Mac. It wasn’t the weirdest thing to hit him in the head while he was working. As he reached up and pulled it out, his orange locks suddenly started flowing, turning his short, neat cut into long flowing curls. Big Mac, lacking a mirror, didn’t notice. Thinking the comb must be one of his sisters, he just pocketed it and continued on his way. He did notice the sensation of his now luscious mane bobbing as he walked, though. Discord looked down in shock. Instead of seeing three swapped up fillies looking down at themselves in surprise and fascination, there were three swapped up fillies on the ground in various degrees of agony. Sweetie Belle was the best off. The swap had turned her into a ghoul, resulting in a rather eye catching contrast between her blackened coat and her bright pink and purple mane. However, at that moment her burnt, ghoulish form was curled up in a ball as he hugged herself tightly while shivering uncontrollably. “C-C… Cold... So… Cold….” she managed to stutter between her clamoring teeth. Scootaloo, meanwhile, was now a shiny orange robot. A robot that was currently lying on the ground, holding her head, and starting into space in utter terror. Worse, she was repeating the same sentence, over and over, getting louder with every repeat. “I can’t hear them. I can’t hear them! I CAN’T HEAR THEM!” she cried. But by far the worst was Apple Bloom. The yellow changeling wasn’t curled up in a ball, but that was likely because she was currently incapable of doing so. She was spasming uncontrollably, her eyes going in wild directions, and random sounds were pouring out of her mouth. It was as if she was suffering a seizure. “Buhgotahneistujaiaramarmarmeh...” Apple Bloom slurred. Discord looked between the ball of shivering undead, the screaming robot, and the flailing changeling. All of which were clearly suffering, which he had promised not to cause. “Oops,” said Discord. He quickly snapped his fingers again, turning them all back to (relative) normal. “Fluttershy and company are going to kill me for this…” he mumbled. Some time later, Big Mac checked himself in the mirror. He had to admit, his mane didn’t look that bad like this. His long, curly mane was simply glamorous. Hay, if he applied some lipstick and eye shadow, maybe add in a dress, he might just be able to pass as a mare. Not that he was planning on doing that. Nope. Still, it was apparent that the brush in question was enchanted. Which meant that there were probably rules that needed to be followed to use it properly. As nice as this alternate manestyle was, he really didn’t want to end up stuck with it. As a result, he needed to take it to an expert before messing with it. Of course, this meant he was going to have to go into town to speak with Twilight about it. “Hm…” Big Mac put a hoof to his mouth in thought. While he pondered how to do so without making a scene, he heard a loud shout in the distance. “You did WHAT?!” cried Applejack. The three fillies were wrapped up in blankets, holding cups of hot chocolate. Sweetie Belle was still shivering, though it was more from the memory than actually being cold. Scootaloo’s eyes were closed, as she was currently deep in conversation with the hivemind. And Apple Bloom, poor Apple Bloom, was still staring to space with unseeing eyes. They didn’t say anything for some time, just trying to recover from the experience they had just gone through. That, and listen to the sound of their sisters beating the snot out of Discord outside the clubhouse. *Pow!* “You inconsiderate, uncivilized, utterly barbaric…” ranted Rarity. “I said I was sorry!” said Discord. *Crunch!* “My fourth spleen!” cried Discord. It was rather satisfying to hear, but the recent trauma was still overwhelming. Sweetie Belle shivered and pulled her blanket closer. She was never going to be able to look at Apple Bloom the same way again. Suddenly, the undead filly gave a gasp, and blinked rapidly. She then groaned and put a hoof to the side of her head. “Ugh… mah head hurts. What the hay just happened?” asked Apple Bloom. Seeing as Scootaloo was still out of it, Sweetie Belle forced herself to speak. “D-Discord swapped our s-secrets,” stuttered Sweetie Belle. “Ah know that, but what happened to me? One second Ah’m wonderin’ if Ah’m gonna end up a robot or changeling, and the next thing Ah know Ah just… lost mahself,” said Apple Bloom. “You were overwhelmed by the hivemind,” answered Scootaloo. The other crusaders turned to Scootaloo who still had her eyes closed. “Connecting to a hivemind isn’t as simple as hearing voices in your head. If you aren’t expecting it, the sheer amount of thoughts and ideas can drown out your own mind. You were on the ground, spasming as countless signals forced their way into your brain,” said Scootaloo. Scootaloo let out a sigh. “You got lucky, Apple Bloom. That sort of feedback can cause serious damage if it goes on for too long. Of course, now that you’re a ghoul again, your brain probably just healed up whatever harm might have happened. But I still almost put you in the hospital because I happened to be a changeling and Discord thought it’d be funny to turn you into one,” said Scootaloo. Scootaloo paused to open her eyes and look at Apple Bloom, her expression full of guilt. “It’s my fault. I didn’t realize what Discord meant by Musical Abnormalities until it was too late to warn the hive. If they had know what was about to happen, we would have been able to isolate you and keep you from being overwhelmed, but we didn’t. I’m sorry you had to go through that, Apple Bloom,” said Scootaloo. The clubhouse was silent for a moment. *Crunch!* “Are you quite finished yet?! I can’t feel anything below my kidneys!” said Discord. Apple Bloom let out a sigh. “It’s fine, Scootaloo. Ah know your hive didn’t mean to hurt me. And Ah’m better now, so it’s all good. Ah can’t even remember what it was like, to be honest,” said Apple Bloom. Scootaloo gave her a relieved smile. “What about you, Scootaloo? What happened to you?” asked Apple Bloom. Scootaloo’s smile turned into a sigh. “I didn’t even notice. I was just consumed by the silence of being disconnected from the hivemind,” answered Scootaloo. “You got robot, for the record. And was it really that painful to be alone in your mind?” asked Sweetie Belle. “I don’t think I can properly explain what it’s like to you two. It was… like being blinded when you’ve been able to see your entire life, but even stronger. I just… I just can’t imagine how anyone can go through life without it. Even Thorax, and he had to grow up under Chrysalis,” said Scootaloo. “Huh. Considerin’ how much ya complain about it, Ah thought ya’d appreciate gettin’ a small break for sharin’ your mind. Especially from Twitch,” said Apple Bloom. “Look, it’s a changeling thing. You wouldn’t understand. I just want to forget what it was like without the hivemind, and think Thorax was even more messed up by his mom than I thought,” said Scootaloo. “I wish I could forget what I went through, too,” said Sweetie Belle. Her friends turned towards her in concern. “How can you stand it, Apple Bloom? How can you go so long without going insane from the cold? My insides felt like they were frozen. I couldn’t feel my heart beating no matter how much I felt like panicking. I felt…” Sweetie Belle paused to shiver again. “Dead?” suggested Apple Bloom. Sweetie Belle blushed, but nodded. “Yeah, it was really rough at first. Ah remember how Ah wanted to just light a fire and jump into it. Ah even did once, though all it did was leave me with severe burns and smellin’ even more like burnt meat. The cold just reaches into places that have no business bein’ cold. Especially your heart,” said Apple Bloom. The ghoul put a hoof to her chest. “That part always stands out to ya, especially when ya know it should be beatin’ away like mad. It ain’t natural for your chest to be still right after a long run, but then again, there ain’t much natural about bein’ undead. There ain’t nothin’ Ah can do to change it, so Ah just did the only thin Ah could: Ah got used to it,” said Apple Bloom. “Really? You got used to… that?” asked Sweetie Belle in surprise. “Yep. It took ages, but Ah did. Ah got used to the cold, and it sort of faded away to a dull numbness that Ah barely notice anymore. And to be honest, Ah’ve kind of forgotten what it was like to have a heartbeat. It’s weird and Ah’m not happy about it, but Ah haven’t exactly had much of a choice,” said Apple Bloom. The room fell silent once again, though now the fillies felt much better. In fact, it almost felt like they’d grown a little closer to each other from the experience. Or at least, they had a better idea of what each other was going through. *Pow!* “Um, girls, don’t you think that’s enough? I agree he needs to be punished, but don’t you think this is a little much?” asked Fluttershy. “Not at all, Fluttershy. He’ll just snap his fingers and be healed up when we’re done anyway,” said Rainbow Dash. “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt…” said Discord. “Which is why we’re doing this. Now say goodbye to your kneecaps, chucklehead,” said Rainbow. *Bonk!* Some time later, Discord’s butt had been sufficiently kicked. It was agreed that it was an honest mistake on his part, but he still shouldn’t have tried to pull such a stunt in the first place. He was let off with a harsh warning, some private punishment from Fluttershy, and reinforced suspicions from everyone else. It would be some time before any of them trusted him with anything. But after heads had sufficiently cooled and the three fillies were making their way through town for some ice cream, the Sweetie Belle realized something. “You know, now that I think about it, I can kind of see where Discord was coming from. I mean, we’ve all must have wondered at some point what it’s like to have each other’s conditions, right? And if he has the power to move curses around like that...” said Sweetie Belle. “Yeah, but the problem is that our conditions aren’t exactly pleasant secrets. And it’s not very fun to have to deal with someone else’s problems. And after today, I think we can agree that we are not going to look for a way to swap curses again. If such a thing even exists, I for one want nothing to do with it,” said Scootaloo. “Yeah. Ah’d rather not either. This just doesn’t seem like somethin’ we should do again,” said Apple Bloom. “Well, duh. I wasn’t talking about that. I was just thinking, if Discord can change up curses like that, do you think he has the ability to remove them?” said Sweetie Belle. The three fillies stopped in their tracks to ponder this. “Well, I mean, it’s not really a question of if he can. It’s more of a question of if he ever will. I’ve read that Chaos magic isn’t something you can easily control. It tends to be very sporadic, fickle, and can slip out of your hooves very quickly. Even Discord only has so much control what his power actually does. We’d probably have to set up a situation where it’d be funny if our curses were broken, but do you think we could actually pull something like that off, and turn back to normal?” asked Sweetie Belle. Apple Bloom looked thoughtful, but Scootaloo just shook her head. “Even if he could, I wouldn’t be interested. I’ve never been ashamed of being a changeling, and I see no reason why I’d want to stop being one. Especially now that my friends know I am one, and are still my friends,” said Scootaloo. “Well, Ah might go for it, but Ah dunno if that’s a good idea. Ah mean, when Ah try to think of somethin’ where it’d be funny to stop bein’ undead, Ah just think of how it’d be when Ah’d definitely want to be undead. Ya know, somthin’ bad that Ah wouldn’t walk away from otherwise? Ah think it’d be best not to push it,” said Apple Bloom. “Yeah, and I guess I’m still not sure if being a robot is key for whatever destiny I have waiting for me. Probably not a good idea to mess around with it,” added Sweetie Belle. “Yep. besides, after the thrashin’ he took, there’s no way in Tartarus Discord’s ever gonna consider pullin’ a stunt like…” said Apple Bloom. She was interrupted when someone bumped into her. “Watch it!” said Murphy Law. The three fillies looked in horror as Ponyville’s lawyer walked past them. “Well, crap,” said Scootaloo. Big Mac looked down at the brush. After she was done with Discord, Twilight had given it a look over and said it was just a matter of brushing his mane one way or the other to change it back and forth. So… now what? Should he try having a long mane every once in a while? Or just use it when no one was looking? Or maybe go even further and... Big Mac shook his head. That was a decision for another day. There had been enough excitement already, and his sister might just lose her mind if another member of the family got caught up in something weird. He ran the brush backwards through his mane, causing it to shrink back down into his usual style. It wasn’t as fancy, but at the end of the day, Big Mac was still a farmer, and fancy manes didn’t really belong on the farm. At least, not during work hours. Maybe on a day off he could let Glamour Mac out and… Horse apples, he already had a name for it.