Despite his earlier biased misgivings about small-town life, Sombra had actually begun to get used to and even enjoy the peace and quiet nature of Ponyville, finding it to possess an odd charm. He could walk down the streets without the heavy traffic or loud commotions of the city and at night, he could sleep with only the chirping of birds and songs of crickets to keep him company. That is, if he chose to sleep at all. One benefit to wielding the Alicorn Amulet was that he could imbue his own body with its magical energies, negating the need for sleep or even sustenance. After experiencing a nightmare about his past, which spiraled out of control into a Twilight Sparkle-themed dream, he decided that sleep was overrated and spent his nights reading and catching up on the thousand-plus years that he'd been away. There was also, of course, the factor of having Princess Luna stumbling upon his existence and he didn't need her blabbing to Celestia.
Little Luna was always so pathetic. She couldn't say or do anything without ensuring that it earned her the respect of her big sister or Mommie Dearest. Then, of course, there was her tryst with that draconequus Discord. Now that was a sign of low self-esteem if Sombra had ever seen one. He passed the white picket archway and made his way down the dirt road, scrunching up his nostrils at the smell of farm animals, rust, and, of course, the overwhelming aroma of apples. He liked apples as much as the next warm-blooded stallion, but there was such a thing as excess and this was pushing the limit.
"Gangway!"
A flash of dark brown entered his peripheral and Sombra rolled to avoid it, ending up in a puddle of Faust-knows-what as the runaway apple cart crashed into a nearby tree. He rose out of the puddle stiffly and shook off his satchel, doing his best to keep his rage in check as he angrily wiped the mud off of his uniform.
This cannot...possibly...get any worse.
The clopping of hooves was followed by a sudden skidding sound, resulting in a wave of dirt showering him, covering him from head to hoof in crunchy brown particles.
I stand corrected.
An orange mare in a Stetson approached him, followed closely by a filly with a pink bow in her mane. The mare lifted Sombra out of the muck and promptly dusted him off with her tail.
"Sorry 'bout that, Parcel Post. We lost control of tha cart an' it just shot down tha hill like a fox chasin' a chicken. Are ya okay there, Sugarcube?"
Urge to kill...rising...
Sombra grinned widely, "Oh yes, thank you. Although, it would seem my uniform is a tad dirty."
"We're sorry, Mistah Post!" The filly squealed. "We'll get ya cleaned up 'fore ya hafta go back on yer route!"
Strangely, seeing the filly-Apple Bloom-so guilty and tore up softened Sombra's rage at the ordeal. He sighed and lightly tapped her shoulder with the tip of his hoof.
"It's...okay, Apple Bloom. After all, it was an accident, right? Still, I would appreciate it if you washed my uniform."
Why am I feeling bad? They're the dunces that messed up here, not me!
Apple Bloom nodded and rewarded him with a smile, which left him strangely warm on the inside yet also shivering. He pushed the questions to the side for now and allowed the two to lead him towards their farmhouse, all the while biting back a slew of curses he could levy at the orange mare called Applejack.
"...An', of course we can further sweeten tha deal if ya accept an apple pie, free of charge, of course," the older of the pair went on, peeling Sombra out of his jacket, shirt, tie and hat while Apple Bloom sprayed him with a garden hose.
"I told you it's fine, Miss Apple," Sombra replied through gritted teeth. "You don't have to bribe me."
While he was still ornery about them nearly hitting him with a cart and getting him dirty, he was actually enjoying being washed and pampered as it reminded him of his reign. Servants, mostly crystal pony mares, used to bathe him in warm water and lather his body with scented soaps and exotic spices from the furthest reaches of Equestria. Having the sisters take care of him didn't compare but it did remind him of the glory days, even if for just a little while.
"'Bribe'? Who said anythin' 'bout a bribe? Ah just feel plum bad about gettin' yer nice uniform ruined an' Ah want ta make it up ta yah. Now, would yah accept an apple pie or an apple fritter? Or maybe a nice apple strudel or a case of apple cider-...?"
"An apple pie sounds lovely," Sombra admitted, both tempted by the promise of free food and spurred on by the desire to see the mare shut her trap. If Parcel Post's memories were anything to go by, Sweet Apple Acres made the best apple, well, anything.
Well, if their cooking is better than their grasp of the equine language, then I might just spare their pathetic lives when I return to power.
A few hours passed by, during which Sombra was treated to a comfortable chair and some amazing apple cider, which helped to calm his mood considerably and decided that, yes, this farm and its inhabitants would continue to exist. He found Apple Bloom to actually be an adorable little thing, going on and on about how she and her two friends Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo (a dumb name in Sombra's opinion) formed a secret club to try to earn their cutie marks. They were tired of being mistreated by the other foals just because they were "blank flanks" so they decided to try to change that. This touched Sombra deeply as, due to being an umbrum, he naturally had no cutie mark and was mistreated himself for that very reason in his younger days, right before being taken in by the rulers of the Crystal Empire. Well, "taken in" being a relative term. More like "merciful pet adoption."
"That's quite an amazing thing, Apple Bloom," he admitted without a shred of sarcasm or irony. "Instead of sitting around moping, you and your friends are actually doing something about it. I...I'm impressed."
"Thanks Parcel Post! It sure means a lot coming from you!" The filly cheered and pulled him into a hug, causing Sombra to chuckle at this. He stopped and stared morosely into his now empty cider mug.
Is...this what fatherhood feels like? If I had been given the opportunity, would Persephone had turned out like this filly? I can only hope so.
Applejack reentered the room, Sombra's clean uniform draped over her foreleg.
"Right, so Ah made sure that yer jacket and shirt were ironed and your hat...- are ya okay, Parcel Post? Ya look like somepony kicked yer dog."
Sombra cleared his throat and leapt out of his seat. "Um, yes, I-I'm okay. J-just remembering something from my past." He quickly got dressed, admiring the work Applejack put into cleaning everything and donning his cap. "It doesn't matter."
"Well, if yer sure, Sugarcube. Pie's on the table and like Ah said, it's free of charge-..."
"Thank you both for your hospitality but I really must be going." Sombra snatched up his now spotless satchel, grabbed the pie and sped out the door, trying to put as much distance between the farm and himself as much as possible.
Curse you, Celestia! You and your lies and your manipulations! Is there ever going to be a day when you don't haunt me?!
He shoved the pie into the waiting forelegs of a confused stallion with an undeniably-snazzy bowtie and stomped off, warm air being forced out of his nostrils as he trotted to his next destination.
"Rainbow Dash." Well, this ought to be interesting.
~*~
"Interesting" was a bit of an understatement. Known as a cloudominium, the dwelling was a towering hovel constructed entirely out of clouds with rainbow waterfalls gushing out geysers of multi-colored fluids. Sombra had to begrudgingly admit that the home was ingeniously built and cursed the fact that he himself had been unable to replicate pegasi weather magic during his studies as a growing conjurer. Usually a pegasus mailpony would've made the delivery but Derpy, a cross-eyed but pleasant mare had to take her little sister to the doctor, Snow Violet had sprained her wing and Special Delivery was on vacation. While Sombra was never really a believer in fate, he took this opportunity to praise whatever deity or cosmic force made this happen.
Ready when you are, Miss Dash.
As it turned out, however, he was overwhelmingly unready when a blue streak whizzed over his head, the force of which almost toppled him over and sent him flying into a ditch.
What in Tartarus...?
He crushed his cap to head and gazed out in bewilderment as the streak performed an Immelmann turn followed up by zigzagging in a backwards Z shape.
Is that...a pegasus?
He'd never seen one fly so fast before, nor with such precision. The aerial acrobat slowed down enough for him to observe that it was a mare with a cropped rainbow-colored mane and concluded that this was the famous Rainbow Dash. After a few loop-de-loops and figure-eights, Rainbow concluded her demonstration with a Pugachev's Cobra maneuver, during which the pegasus chose a carefully-timed moment to fold her wings and gradually come to "stand" on her hindlegs, letting the air whoosh past her before shooting her wings back out and returning to a horizontal position.
To his surprise, Sombra found himself applauding and even cheering on the pegasus, having lacked any real entertainment in many ages. Rainbow Dash came to a screeching halt in mid-air to stare at the new arrival before beaming and posing, winking and flexing her forelegs as if those particular limbs had anything to do with flight. Then, like a hawk attacking a sparrow, she descended suddenly towards Sombra only to stop and land gracefully a few feet away. She then removed her flight goggles and shook out her mane.
"I know, I know, too awesome for words?"
Sombra inwardly rolled his eyes and instead nodded excitedly.
"Miss Dash, that...that was amazing! Incredible!"
It wasn't a lie. Although he disliked her egotistical bravado, he did have to compliment her on her strict control and poise as both a performer and a flier. Apparently in this day and age, pegasi took to flying in death-defying stunts for the amusement of crowds of ponies, a concept that seemed to fit in nicely with Sombra's era of live entertainment. Although, he'd be more interested in combining that with jousting and duels to the death.
Yes, "sky-combat." That'd be a marvelous sport!
Rainbow Dash puffed her chest out. "Ha, tell me something I don't know! Still, your praise is much appreciated."
"Oh! You have some mail," Sombra recalled and pulled some material from his satchel. "One package..."
"The newest Daring Do book!" Rainbow squealed, grabbing the box from out of Sombra's hoof.
"Right...an issue of Wonderbolts Monthly..."
"Sweet! This is the commemorative one-thousand anniversary issue!"
"And a letter from your parents," Sombra choked, trying not to burst out laughing at the sticker-covered envelope with the words, "You're our #1 star!" written in all capital letters.
"Ugh, seriously?! This is so embarrassing!"
"Don't you mean 'awesome'?"
Rainbow snatched the envelope away and grumbled to herself before zooming away towards her house in the sky. Shaking his head, Sombra allowed himself a chuckle and began his journey to the next house.
"That was so funny! I mean, what parent would go out of their way to-...?"
He stopped suddenly and scratched his head. "Huh. I haven't laughed like that in a long time. Weird."