//------------------------------//
// The Chapter of Bread and Butter Pickles: Alt Ending S*x (by Sunmargarine) 
// Story: Pickles & Milk 
// by moonbutters 
//------------------------------//

It’s a simple world. My world. The one that I made, here. A nice one. Happy endings, always. Remember that. Please, for me.

-M


••• ••• •••
   

Spades Duck found his street to be suspiciously empty. His hoofsteps echoed from the alcoves of the houses he passed. When he got to his own house, he gasped, as the front door was gone.

I don’t mean gone as in “blasted away,” I mean gone as in “somebody unscrewed my front door and stole it like a jerk.” Quietly he entered the house and tried to shut the door behind him, but there was no door to shut.

He called out, “Honeybunches? Are you in here?”

He waited a few seconds, and then heard the reply.

“Yes, dear. I’m in the living room.”

The lack of ear-bleeding screaming made Spades suspicious.

I couldn’t write this. Not this time. Because it would all fall apart. On and on, you understand? 

“Honey,” he started, heading towards the living room, “I forgot what you asked me to go get. Also, the door is gone. I don’t mean gone as in ‘blasted away,’ I mean gone as in “somebody unscrewed my front door and stole it like a jerk.’ You haven’t seen the door, have you?”

“No dear,” said the voice from the living room, “I hadn’t seen the door. And I think I sent you for... for...” the voice paused.

“For your medication?”

“Yes! Thank you honey. Now, would you be a dear and come give me my medicine?”

On and on and on and on. The same day, except not. Repeated. On and on and on and on. 

“Of course,” replied Spades, drawing his ACME Husbando Sword. “I’ll just be a moment.”

“Do hurry,” said the voice-who-was-not-his-wife’s-but-sounds-like-his-wife’s from the living room.

Spades was 95% sure it was a changeling, but a 5% error... Spades did not like those chances. 

I’ve grown attached to these characters. Spades. Kissylips. Blue. On and on and on. 

The only way to be sure that whoever was in the living room was not his wife would be to go in and see, so Spades did. And, as expected, there was a changeling sitting in his wife’s chair. 

“Yeah, you’re not my wife.” said Spades, pointing his sword. No, his other sword, the big one. The small one is still in his saddlebags, silly.

[Note from Sun: This is exactly how Moon had written this part. From what I can gather, Spades had been using the small sword.]

“Yes, I know I’m not your wife.” replied the changeling in Blue’s voice. 

“Where is she?”

“In the basement. Sleeping.”

“Liar.”

But I’m no liar. I love my characters, as... odd as they are. On and on. 

“You can see for yourself, but you should go into the other basement first, Spades.” The changeling pointed at a door that had not been there before.

I can’t just... let them go. I want to hold on to them. On and on and on and on and on. My creations. 

Spades was intrigued. “Where did that door come from?”

The changeling seemed to ignore his question. “He’s waiting for you down there. Best hurry.”

Spades went over to the door and opened it. Within there was only darkness. And a faint noise of clacking, like a typewriter except muted.

Spades went in, and the door closed behind him.

Hello, Spades. 

“Who’s there?” shouted Spades, a bit startled. 

Don’t worry. It will be over soon. 

“What? Who are you? Are you saying I’m gonna die?”

I can’t give it all away, but I feel the need to reassure him that I won’t let him go- or at least I keep telling myself that.

You will persist, Spades. No matter what, you will persist. Forgive me. 

I don’t know anymore. It needs to end. It needs to continue.

I want it to be over. I want to free Spades. He needs to be freed. 

Should I? Would I? 

One week from today.
April fools, the first of April. The perfect time for the death of a fool.

A Fool’s End. Thst has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? 

I have little more to say right now. I won’t give it all away.

Don’t lose hope, dear readers. Never lose hope.

Spades left the second basement. 

[Now here in the story, Moon left like three pages blank in the google doc, and then continued as if Spades had not gone into the second basement at all. I feel like there should have been something there, but I really don’t care much.]

“O-okay then.” said Spades, visibly shook. The changeling was gone from the chair and the normal basement door was open. Spades took a moment to calm down and then he went into the basement, large sword at the ready.

On and on and on it goes. 

To his surprise, his wife, Blue Tea, was at the foot of the basement stairs, sleeping soundly on top of the missing door. After waking, Blue put the door back where it belonged and then ate all if the pickles and drank all of the milk in like, five minutes. 

A few weeks later, Blue gave birth to a jar of ponycles, which is a sea pony except they can only swim in pickle juice. 

[And that’s all he wrote.]

The end is near. Fool’s End.

-Moonbutters