//------------------------------// // 19 Meanwhile: "Okay. Whose bright idea was it to call Discord?" // Story: Mission to the Pony Planet // by ersmiller //------------------------------// 09:40 AM “CHANGELING!” “CHANGELING!” “CHANGELING!” Rose, Lily, and Daisy, all in their hazmat suits ran away from a stupefied Applejack yelling in unison. ““CHANGELING! Help!”” “It’s Applejack!” shouted Daisy once the three had rounded the bend. “It’s a changeling that copied Applejack and stole her identity!” shouted Rose. “It’s sweltering in this hazmat suit!” shouted Lily. “We need to get help!” “I thought we were going to warn the town!” “I wasn’t expecting to run into a changeling before another pony!” "If it hadn't taken almost two hours to get these suits on—" "I thought you had them!" "I told you I don't have enough closet space." "But you're the one with the bunker!" "That's why I don't have the closet space!" "I thought you put them in the bunker!" "I don't have closets in there either!" "Then why were the helmets in there? They're supposed to be with the suits!" “Girls, Focus! We need to warn ponies and get help!” “Who do we know who can deal with changelings?” “You mean other than the ponies who are already changelings now, like Applejack?” “Are we sure they have the princess yet?” “No. But we know they have Applejack and the clown pony said the other four were taken out too.” “Please, enough with the clowns! They're almost as bad as mimes!” “Sorry, I forgot.” “If we can’t go to the Harmony Council then we’ll have to tell Mayor Mare.” “No!” “Why not?” “I can’t stop thinking about her in that clown wig now!” “Oh, pull yourself together, mare! It was just a wig for Nightmare Night!” “We’ll talk to the Mayor. You can wait outside her office.” “What if the Mayor is also a changeling?” “Then we’ll tell her secretary.” “What if her secretary is a changeling?” “Why would a changeling be her secretary?” “To get close enough to the Mayor to impersonate her instead.” “By that logic only one of them would be a changeling.” “That’s still a bad thing.” “Not if we tell them both at the same time.” “Wouldn’t that put one of them in danger?” “Wouldn’t that put us in danger?” “We should go to the police.” “Can the police do anything about changelings?” “They can do more than us!” “But how much more? The police just keep the peace when ponies break the law.” “And Ponyville doesn’t have much crime. We only have one sheriff, a deputy, and that guy who’s always reading magazines at the doughnut shop.” “That is the sheriff!” “Really?!” “We’re doomed!” “The horror!” “This is awful!” “This is a disaster!” “The horror!” “You said that already!” “The situation is that horrifying!” “There’s nopony left who can help with changelings!” “I can see if The Doctor is back in town.” “No, Rose, things just get weird when he’s around!” “Doctor who?” “That weird stallion with the screwdriver thing.” “Oh no, not him! I was attacked by a plastic poneighquin last time he showed up!” “That wasn’t his fault!” “Isn’t Derpy dating him now?” “This isn’t the time for gossip!” “Are you jealous?” “We are not discussing this!” “But aren’t they off on a trip?” “I thought she had feather flu.” “That’s a cover.” “What?! Why wasn’t I told?” “So you are jealous!” “I am not jealous!” “So we can’t go to the princess, the mayor, the police, or Rose’s ex—“ “He’s not my ex!” “—then who can we call?” “Discord?” “. . ..“ “. . ..“ “. . ..“ “We are not calling Discord!” “Then we'd have changelings and Discord! No way!” “Calling Discord would be a bad idea.” “Discord just by himself is worse than changelings!” “But Discord isn’t evil now, he just plays pranks!” “Discord planted us during Winter Wrap Up!” “Bees chased me for a week!” “Is that why you got that beekeeper’s suit?” “I’m not letting anything pollinate me until I’m ready!” “Uh.” “How would we even call Discord?” “We’re NOT calling Discord!” “But Discord would help if he knew Fluttershy is in danger!” “But Fluttershy left town yesterday. So changelings didn’t have to ponynap her so she’s not in danger. Just us.” “Are we sure Discord can’t just hear us now?” “What do you mean?” “Discord always just seems to show up when ponies talk about him. It’s like, call his name a dozen times and he appears or something.” “Really?” “So ….” “Uh ….” “How many times have we said Dis—his name?” *** *** *** m504:9a At that time—if one were to use the right clocks—, not too far away—in the far off realm next door—, in a place where up was up—but only when it wanted to be—, and where the senseless was sensible—on a good day—, Discord’s ears were ringing. “Hay! What’s all that racket?” asked Discord’s left ear. “I don’t know,” answered Discord’s right ear, “I can’t hear anything over all this ringing!” “That’s what I’m talking about! What’s with the ringing?!” “What’s with the what?! Speak up!” “Say again? I didn’t catch that!” “What?!” “What?!” “You heard me!” “No I didn’t!” “Yes you did!” “Prove it!” “You just proved it by saying you didn’t!” “You calling me a liar, buddy?” “My name’s not Buddy, pal.” “Well my name’s not Pal, buddy!” Still arguing, the only two of Discord’s body parts that actually matched each other, including in personality, burst into flames with anger. “Now look what you made me do!” “What did I do? This is your fault!” Tired of the conversation, a paw and a claw that more appropriately matched the rest of Discord’s body by not matching each other at all came up and plucked the offending appendages off his head and dropped them into a water-filled tuba. “Please excuse me a moment,” said Discord, a little loud as he could no longer hear his own voice, “my ears were burning. Some ponies have been talking about me.” Discord added a soap packet to the tuba and shook it up, generating a thick foam. Once satisfied, he blew through the mouthpiece emitting a sharp B-flat and sending the foam, soapy water, and his ears flying across the room to splat against the far wall. A snap of his talons took the tuba out of existence. A snap of his fingers returned the previously offending ears back to the sides of his head. The foam and soapy water were left alone to dry. “Ah, much better. Doused, washed, blow-dried, and ironed flat with one note.” Discord settled back down with a pleased grin and closed his eyes. A lazy moment passed in silence. “Seems like there might be some delightful chaos in Ponyville right now.” “Oh dear,” said his companion, “do you have to go?” “Nah. Those three always get upset over the tiniest things. Besides, if I popped over to Ponyville every time there was some chaos I’d be there half the Saturdays each year. That might actually be enough to wear out my welcome. If it’s important, Fluttershy or Starlight will call me. If it’s an emergency, or if she thinks I’m responsible—excuse me, I mean if she thinks I’m to blame—Twilight will call me; none of them are even in Ponyville. It should only be the background and secondary ponies right now.” “So where is Flutters then?” “Oh, they’ve all gone to Canterlot on Tia’s behest.” “A beautiful city. I loved the royal gardens.” “Ding!” said the oven after politely clearing its throat. “Brownies are done!” perked up Discord. “Righteous!” cheered his companion. “You know,” began Discord, snapping his fingers to place the treats onto a platter between the two of them that had held only crumbs just a moment ago, “if more creatures simply had your brownies I suspect there would be far fewer ‘emergencies’ in this world.” “Oh I know. The world just needs to slow down and bliss out.” “Have you ever thought about sharing the recipe? Sending it to Pinkie and the Apple family would easily spread it across the Equestrian mainland; if you don’t mind apples getting added to them. Then with Twilight’s new school, and unofficial role as friendship and fix-the-problem-so-Tia-doesn’t-have-to ambassador, the world would soon come to mellow out together.” “I am loving that idea, but I’m not sure about bringing them to the school.” “Oh, Twilight has adult students too," Discord assured his guest. "Besides, are you telling me you were already an adult the first time you tried these?” “I’ve always been told I have an old soul. It was only my body that seemed young." “I believe it’s matured since then.” He was met with a half-lidded smile. “Is somecreature getting thirsty?” “You know it, Treesy.” *** *** *** 09:45 AM Back in Ponyville, three mares, still in hazmat suits, looked around nervously. “Okay, no more saying you-know-whose-name,” decreed Rose. “Right,” agreed Daisy. “Let’s just tell everypony in town about the changelings and somepony will know what to do!” declared Lily. “Finally! A plan that can’t go wrong!”