06:35 AM
Lyra Heartstrings, once all other ponies were out of earshot, got off the bench and turned to Bon Bon, her expression instantly turning serious. “We are so following Pinkie!”
“What?” Bon Bon countered. “No we’re not.” She had a been there, done that look on her face.
“She’s acting strange!”
Bon Bon raised an eyebrow. “She’s Pinkie.”
“She said she’s from another world.” Lyra bounced excitedly on her hooves.
“That was already a probable theory," Bon Bon nodded. "Highly probable.”
"She also said she's hearing voices in her head."
"You can’t seriously tell me you're surprised by that," Bon Bon chuckled.
“But it’s not the same Pinkie. It can’t be. She even said so. Do you really think our Pinkie would ask to douse my horn?”
Bon Bon’s forehead furled and her eyes squinted slightly. "Not if she knows what's good for her."
“And she said she was from Humaneville. Humane!”
“You really need to stop reading those comics.” Bon Bon shook her head.
“But it’s such a great series!”
“Even the spin-off where they all turned into dogs?”
Lyra cringed. “I don’t care how great Susan Summer’s redemption story was, she and her series will never become canon!”
“You’re such a humie.” Bon Bon playfully rolled her eyes.
“Thank you.” Lyra smiled.
“But there’s no such things as humanes.”
“Plenty of fossilized remains suggests—“
“Lyra—“ Bon Bon warned.
“The Dream Valley dig just last year—!“
“Are we really going to do this again?”
“Yes, because that Pinkie also said she’s not used to having four legs and hooves.” Lyra held up a forehoof for demonstration. “You know what has only two legs and no hooves?”
“Minotaurs.” Bon Bon let the smug pour off her.
Lyra opened her mouth to counter but no sound came out. She stared down at her hoof. “Wait. Minotaurs may not have forehooves, but they still have hindhooves! Humanes have neither. They are completely hoofless, and furless.”
“And that’s just gross," commented Bon Bon with a slight shiver.
“Don’t be speciesist.”
“I’m not!" Bon Bon raised a hoof in defense. "It’s not possible to be speciesist against a species that doesn’t exist.”
“But, but. What about her saying Humaneville?”
“We know she reads the same comics," Bon Bon explained, "and she’s Pinkie. She got reality and fantasy mixed up.”
“We’re still following her!”
"There's really no need," Bon Bon waved her off with a smile. "She’s crazy but not dangerous.”
“She knows your real name!” Lyra whispered after double-checking to make sure they were alone.
Bon Bon cringed. “Right. Nice save with clamping her muzzle by the way. How did she find that out?”
“I know I haven’t said anything. And even ‘being Pinkie’ can’t explain that one.” Lyra considered that for a moment. “… I think.”
Bon Bon adopted a classic thinking pose. “She seemed to believe ‘Bon Bon’ was my nickname.”
“Well, it is.”
“It’s my cover. Not quite the same thing.”
“Even more reason she shouldn’t know it. Something is definitely going on here.”
Bon Bon’s eyes widened. “Wait! I just remembered. A report from S.M.I.L.E. hidequarters said all six of the Flower Rangers are in Canterlot right now. Princess Celestia called them all in for something. What’s Pink Petunia doing here?”
“She isn't Pink Petunia, she's an impostor and that's exactly why we need to follow her.
Bon Bon leveled a stare at Lyra. “Right, that’s the reason you’re so gung-ho about this.”
“We’ll treat it as an impromptu spying mission for S.M.I.L.E., and learn what this ‘Pinkie from another world’ knows about humanes!”
Special Agent Sweetie Drops looked at her partner and sighed. “Alright. But don’t forget it’s a mission to protect F.R.O.W.N. and not satisfy your nerdiness.”
“Of course,” Special Agent Heartstrings replied. “Nopony or miscellaneous creature is going to infiltrate the Friendship Ranger Organization of Worldwide Neighgotiations on our watch!”
“Other than Queen Chrysalis last year?” Drops raised an eyebrow.
“Doesn’t count. We were off the clock," Heartstrings gave a definitive nod.
"We don't have 'a clock'."
"Well I had a cold and you look amazing in a nurse's uniform.”
*** *** ***
06:45 AM
The two secret agents, after deciding that following the likely fake Pinkie Pie was the best thing for Equestria, and both at least claiming that there were absolutely no other more pressing reasons for doing so, proceeded down the path they had seen her disappear over.
“You know,” Agent Sweetie Drops began, “this could be a trick.”
“What do you mean?” asked Agent Heartstrings.
“She came right up to us and gave us an elaborate story that has us following her.”
“You think this is just a distraction?”
“She knows I’m a S.M.I.L.E. agent, told us directly that she’s not the Pinkie we know, and knew to play into your obsessions with humanes.”
“But how?”
“The first one I have no idea, but for the second; everypony knows you’re gaga over humanes.”
Heartstrings bristled over that. “I don’t … I don’t talk about them that much do I?”
Drops looked over at her partner with a raised eyebrow. “You walk around on two legs with hand-shaped hoofboots on your forehooves when you think nopony is watching.”
Heartstrings’s cheeks developed a bright pink shade. “Y-you saw that?”
“More than once.”
“It was just cosplay! I was practicing my balance!”
"And you still sit weird, even in public."
Before Heartstrings could counter, and before the rosy tint drained from her face, they heard a startled, “Hoouuywhnniiieee!”
They looked at each other. “Somepony got the drop on her?” suggested Heartstrings, and they rushed forward.
“Ho-wee-in’neeee.”
The agents gave each other another, confused, look as they came to the crest of a small hill and saw their pony of interest in the distance. They saw her rear back to stand straight up on just her hindlegs, with her forelegs high in the air and shout, “Whoouuy’wiinnnn’eee!”
She remained standing like that for just a moment longer with a mildly disappointed droop in her mane. The impostor took a deep breath, presumably to try … whatever she was doing again, but promptly fell onto her side.
“Wouldn’t a humane be fine standing on two legs?” asked Sweetie Drops.
Heartstrings’s ears lowered against the sides of her head. “You really think it might just be another Chrysalis operation?”
“There's no guarantee that Chrysalis doesn't still have followers who haven't gone over to Thorax's kingdom. But if this is one of hers then I think she needs better infiltrators. This one seems to be practicing how to whinny to make herself sound like a real pony. Right out in the open no less.”
“But it could still be the real thing, right?” Heartstrings's eyes held onto as much hope as possible.
Their target then began speaking to herself and trotting away. Still talking to herself, she switched to a fast pronk and the agents sneaked more quickly in pursuit.
Drops considered Heartstrings's question. “A humane version of Pinkie who somehow got turned into a pony and transported to our world at the same time the real Pinkie just happens to be out of town? That’s both unlikely and conveniently timed. How would she even have gotten here?”
“Some of the legends mention a rainbow bridge, or a really skilled pegasus could fly one over.”
“But neither turned the humanes into ponies. We wouldn’t have fossilized evidence if it did. Also, she said she’s from a town called Humaneville. That’s a little on the muzzle.”
“And Ponyville isn’t?”
“It’s also the name of the town in your comics.”
Heartstrings frowned, thinking that over as Pinkie changed directions, heading off toward a familiar caravan. “Looks like she’s visiting Trixie. We’ll need to find cover.”
By the time the two had hidden themselves and crept close enough to listen in on the conversation without being spotted, the sleepy and annoyed Trixie had already poked out her head, gone back inside, poked her head out again, and gotten pulled into a Pinkie-Pie-patented Pinkie Hug.
“For simplicity we should come up with a code name for Impostor Pinkie,” said Heartstrings.
“How about Finkie? For False Pinkie,” Drops suggested before focusing on the pink creature's conversation with Trixie.
“So what kind of performance?” they heard Finkie ask after releasing Trixie from her hug. “A magic show?”
“Of course it’s a magic show,” replied Trixie. “The Great and Powerful Trixie will be debuting three new Grand and Potent tricks tonight!”
“I bet being a unicorn in this world and having a magic horn is very handy”—
“Handy!” Heartstrings let out a surprised whisper from within the agents’ hiding bush. "She said 'handy'! And Trixie’s never said anything about humanes before so it’s not a trick."
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Drops hushed her. “It’s a normal phrase that ponies say. Like ‘handles are handy’.”
“But ponies don’t have hands. If humanes don’t exist, shouldn’t they be called hoofles and be … hoofy?”
“No, because they were invented in Minos by the minotaurs. They have hands.”
“I know they have hands!“
“Not too loud,” Drops warned her.
“The handle predates the minotaurs’ industrial revolution.”
“Wasn’t that …," Drops thought back to her history classes, "thousands of years ago?”
“According to the Ancient Aliens magazine—“
“No, Lyra, not the weird mane guy again.”
“He has a name."
"Do you know what it is?"
Heartstrings gaped at her partner for a moment. "It starts with a G."1
"Exactly."
"Okay, fine, the ‘weird mane guy’. He said—.”
“She’s getting away!”
“What!?”
In the distance, they saw Finkie pronking toward the marketplace.
“Should we question Trixie about Finkie before following her?” asked Heartstrings.
“No time! Fake or not, odds are any Pinkie would be easy to lose track of and cause a lot of commotion around town.
*** *** ***
06:50 AM
"YEEEEEEEHAWWW!" A shout came from the side as the agents pursued their potential Pinkie poser.
“What the hay? Was that Applejack?” asked Drops, looking in the direction of Princess Twilight Sparkle’s palace.
“Sounded like her,” answered Heartstrings.
“Orange Poppy is also supposed to be in Canterlot right now!”
“They got her too?” Heartstrings gasped.
“We don’t know if there is a ‘they’ yet!”
“Did S.M.I.L.E.’s report say how long the Rangers were supposed to be out of town?”
“No, but rumor was it’s something big. Maybe a week or more.”
Heartstrings frowned. “So something is clearly wrong if any of them are here now.”
“Very likely.”
“Where’s Finkie going?”
“I don’t know. I think she and Trixie were talking about the marketplace, but Finkie just seems to be wandering off,” Drops explained. “It’s all residential this way.”
“Maybe she doesn’t know where the marketplace is.”
“How could she not know—?”
“Maybe if she’s never been to Ponyville before.”
Drops thought that over a moment, both still trotting after Finkie’s last known heading. “It’s looking like that might be the case. Might be a good idea to split up. I’ll keep after Finkie, you look into what sounded like Applejack.”
“What?! Why can’t I get Finkie?” Heartstrings protested, earning a flat stare from her partner. “Oh, come on. I’m an agent too now! I’ll be professional.”
The stare continued.
“I saved the day in Operation Swiss Cheese,” Heartstrings declared before moving closer to Drops. “My first mission.”
Drops sighed, “Yes, you did. I remember.” This earned her a large, smug grin from her partner. “You do remind me enough after all.”
“Yes, yes I do!” Heartstrings giggled.
With an eye roll but also a smile, Drops surrendered. “Fine. You go after Finkie and I’ll look into what happened at the palace. First chance you get though, head home and grab your communicator, maybe your whole hoofpack.”
“Roger that, Agent Drops.”
In reply, Sweetie Drops turned quickly and broke off toward the Friendship Palace.
She arrived just in time to see not Applejack, or an impostor of her, but rather Rarity …, or an impostor of her, exclaim, "Am I the only sane one left?!"
“Even White Lily now? And what was that about being sane? This is three now; is all of F.R.O.W.N. compromised?”
Drops had to quickly back off and hide behind a tree as the … “Falsity” began looking all around her. Sneaking a quick glance rewarded her with the sight of Falsity spinning around with her eyes closed and losing her balance.
“The hay is she doing?” Drops muttered to herself before ducking behind the tree again as Falsity opened her eyes and took in her surroundings.
From behind the tree, Drops could just make out Falsity cheering. “A marketplace! Perhaps there’s a boutique! I don't have any money, and Twi is unlikely to just happen to be in such a place right at this moment, but I could really use a quick stroll through my happy place to calm my nerves right now. Perhaps I’ll even find pony Rarity.”
Drops tilted her head. “She doesn’t know the real Rarity is out of town?”
On her next peek, she saw Falsity making a very awkward-looking attempt to carry a simple yellow dress and place it inside the palace. Drops tilted her head at the number of times the dress landed on the ground or on Falsity’s face, and at that strange walk Falsity had. And then, after chancing a brief foray from her hiding place, saw Falsity give the oddest wiggle to get the garment off herself to rest on a bench inside the palace. The real Rarity would have been mortified to be seen acting like that.
"Okay, shopping is a very Rarity action, but why doesn’t she know about Princess Twilight and ‘Pony Rarity’? Are they running on bad intel.? At least this confirms that these are indeed impostors.”
After returning from the palace, Falsity headed off toward the marketplace with a stilted gait.
Agent Sweetie Drops followed at a distance.
“It's going to be another of those Ponyville days.”
*** *** ***
07:07 AM
Agent Heartstrings rushed to keep up with Finkie. The pink pony, or pony-like creature, appeared to have quite a lead on her, but Heartstrings could still see the clear pronking pattern in her target’s hoofsteps. Eventually, after a few minutes at a full gallop she could hear the telltale sproinging of each bounce. Just like the real Pinkie’s pronk.
And then she was gone.
Heartstrings caught one glimpse of the pink impostor pronking behind a small group of trees but never did Finkie come back out. She carefully crept up to the trees, circled around them, listened carefully. Nothing.
After some consideration, she took a risk and jumped into the group, and even climbed one of the trees, but there were no pink ponies.
She groaned, resting her head on a tree branch and letting her ears flop down. Humanes can’t just disappear like that, she thought. Changelings, though, they can mimic plants just like they can ponies. I could be standing on her right now.
It took a moment for that notion of standing on top of a disguised changeling—a potentially hostile one—to fully sink in. Once it had, Heartstrings snapped up and pushed back, losing her hoofing and falling backward off the branch.
“OOF!”
Another groan escaped her as she caught her breath, lying belly up on the ground just in time to see a yellow pegasus pass overhead.
“Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear. Oh my goodness!”
Heartstrings blinked and turned to watch the mare’s fast, but awkward flight. Is that? It is! They got Yellow Daisy too?
One final look at Finkie’s last known location, and Heartstrings made her decision. If these really are changelings still working with Chrysalis, Finkie will remain disguised until I leave or she decides to impersonate me instead. Best to change targets.
Fluttershy never flies that high alone unless some creature is in trouble. And she doesn’t normally fly so fast. And she’s usually more ….
Just as Heartstrings was about to finish her thought, the yellow pegasus lowered her altitude to fly alongside the buildings only to awkwardly swerve around one and nearly crash into a second.
“… Graceful.”
Just moments after the word passed her lips, the pegasus made what some might call a landing, had they flunked flight school.
Heartstrings made use of the time the pegasus spent brushing herself off to sneak closer through some tall grass and confirm the pony to be, or at least look just like, Fluttershy.
Okay. Code name Swindle-Shy? Flutter-Faux? Phonyshy!
Heartstrings crept after Phonyshy, following her into the marketplace.
Phonyshy traveled around the edges of the marketplace, avoiding crowds—“Well, that’s not unusual for Fluttershy”—occasionally approaching lone ponies, but always backing away instead of making contact. Usually when other ponies approached.
Looking for a specific pony to impersonate? With the Flower Rangers out of town, who could be a more high profile target than who she is now? The Mayor?
In addition to scoping out targets, Phonyshy seemed to be sightseeing, taking in every shop name and market stall without too large a crowd. And then came an exception. There was a particularly large crowd gathered near the Quills and Sofas shop. Phonyshy walked up to a few ponies watching the commotion, but not part of the crowd itself, and appeared to speak, but nopony seemed to notice her. She may simply have been too quiet to be heard over the commotion.
“Lyra,” came a voice behind her.
Heartstrings turned to see an earth pony mare with a light olive coat, wearing large sunglasses and a blue and fuchsia … clown wig?
“Bonnie?” Heartstrings asked. “Wow, that’s some wig.”
Agent Sweetie Drops blushed. “It’s not a wig.”
“You keep a mane curler in your hoofpack?”
“I keep everything in my hoofpacks.”
“How long does it take to straighten back out?”
Drops took a deep breath. “Too long. But we’ll deal with that later. What happened with Finkie?”
“I lost her in some trees. Just seemed to disappear. Or maybe turned into a tree.”
Taking a look left and right, Drops ushered Agent Heartstrings away from the crowd, setting up near an unattended flower stand. “So it’s changelings then?” she whispered.
“I don’t know, and worse, I found Phonyshy.”
“ ‘Phonyshy’?”
”Yellow Daisy; followed her here.”
“Her too? I followed Falsity here,” Drops cringed.
“White Lily?”
“Yeah. And I didn’t see her myself, but there’s also a Pseudo Dash.”
“Even Blue Begonia?”
“See the pony-shaped hole in that sofa over there?" Drops pointed to the center of the commotion. "Word on the street is 'Rainbow Dash' made it with her face. They took ’her‘ to the hospital, but the injuries seemed minor.”
“Did you see any Flapjacks?”
“ ‘Flapjacks’?”
“Orange Poppy impostors.”
“You’re going with ‘Flapjack’ for her? What part of that means impostor?” Drops gave her partner a look and noticed she was staring off in the distance. Drops followed her gaze and noticed a food card selling pancakes and heard a rumble from her partner’s stomach.
Heartstrings blushed. “We skipped breakfast this morning to meet up with Octiscratch on time.”
“Right. Anyway, I didn’t see a ‘Flapjack,’ but Falsity did seem to have been talking to somepony, and we did hear her voice.”
“So that’s all of F.R.O.W.N. except Purple Rose copied?”
“Haven’t seen a," Drops paused, thinking of a code name, "… ‘Twilight Swindle’ yet.”
“And where is Falsity now?”
“She broke into the Carousel Boutique. I came back here to find out what caused this commotion. I should get back over to check on her or confirm Pseudo Dash now.”
“So, Falsity is at the Boutique, Pseudo Dash is in the hospital, Phonyshy—“ Heartstrings turned to watch the yellow pegasus separating herself from the crowd, “—seems to be heading for the palace, Finkie is missing, and Flapjack and TwiSwi are unconfirmed.”
Drops sighed. “We have potentially hostile changelings all over town. We’re going to need backup.”
“Who could we call on this short notice?”
It was hard to tell under the poofed up mane, but two light olive ears flopped down as Drops cringed, already regretting her answer. “We’ll call … Special Agent Diablo.”
“Oh no,” creaked Heartstrings, “Not the bunny.”