(Fluttershy’s cottage)
As the party died down and as Pinkie Pie stopped dancing on a tabletop with a lampshade over her head, Bear decided it was time to construct his shelter for the night. The alcohol he had at the party (And by alcohol I mean urine) was making him sleepy. He took the roll of duct tape outside and yawned.
He walked on the outside of the cottage and noticed that the honey badgers had no home, which was, of course, his fault. He picked them up in his arms, seeing that it was about to rain, and took them with him.
“Now,” he said as he unrolled a long strip of duct tape and attached it to the house, “if you’ve managed to forage for some duct tape, just make a bunch of strips slant off of a solid surface. This should make an artificial tent that glows in the light, which may also attract a rescue party”
He found a nice, flat area on the ground and finished his ‘tent’ in the manner that he said. He also constructed a small duct tape nest with a duct tape blanket for the honey badger family.
He set the confused animals in it just as it began to rain, “If we share body heat, it’ll keep us warm during the cold, rainy nights here in this Everfree climate”
The honey badgers weren’t too happy about sharing a home with a bear, but then again they wouldn’t be too happy about sleeping in the rain, either.
Fluttershy and Twilight watched them lie down from the window. The storm was so bad and it was so late that Fluttershy offered to let her friend sleep over.
Twilight sighed, “Why can’t he sleep in your warm cottage?”
Fluttershy giggled, “He told me that it would be cheating”
The two mares laughed for a few moments, before they stared at the embers in the fireplace, “I wonder why he’s here”
“I wonder how it’s physically possible that he’s here,” Twilight said rather pessimistically, “he came from a big…flying…thingy from somewhere that isn’t even on the map anywhere! His logic is almost as bad as Discord’s”
Fluttershy shuddered at the thought, then gasped lightly in realization, “You don’t think that Discord is the reason he’s here, do you?”
Twilight rolled her eyes, “It would explain a thing or two, but…he saved our lives. Twice. I think that if he is of Discord’s creation…Discord did something wrong. Or, rather, something right!”
The conversation ended there, and the two mares just sat and stared for a few minutes, before Fluttershy started to doze off a little. Twilight followed suit and they both went to their respective sleeping arrangements.
(The next morning)
Fluttershy woke up with Angel sleeping at the foot of her bed. She got up and slowly shuffled to the bathroom to tame her messy mane. She took her time that morning; she just wanted a nice, pleasant shower to kick off her day.
She slowly remembered everything that had happened throughout the day yesterday and sighed, “I hope Bear isn’t doing anything that will get him in trouble…”
Just as she said that, she started to smell smoke. It took her a moment or two to process what was going on, but when she did her eyes went wide and she rushed down the stairs.
There was a forest fire! Oh, what would happen to all the little animals? She hoped that they were alright.
When she came down the stairs, however, she heard an angry Twilight’s voice, “You can’t do that! This is a HOUSE!”
“I asked Weaselfly, and she said it was alright!” Bear said defensively as he stomped on something.
“You did not! You just asked a butterfly outside, which just fluttered around for a few minutes before you caught it out of the air and ate it!” she yelled at him, clearly angry.
“All butterflies are the same,” he stated almost matter-of-factly.
Fluttershy trotted into the room quickly and screamed as she found a fire that engulfed a part of her living room. Both Bear and Twilight looked up and smiled sheepishly.
He saw Fluttershy and turned to Twilight as he continued to stomp on the fire, “I told you not to do that, Tweasel, but nooo, you just HAD to play with fire”
“I did not! This was YOUR idea!” she snapped back, “Oh what was that one spell, what was that one spell!?”
Her brain pulsed as she tried to remember, before realization violently struck her in the face and beat her half to death (Figuratively).
She planted all four of her hooves on the floor and pointed her horn towards the fire. It glowed a little before a beam shot from it and extinguished the entire fire.
She glared at Bear as he looked over the massive, charred spot on Fluttershy’s floor innocently.
Bear looked at Fluttershy as a smile creeped along his face, “I’ll fix it, just give me 30 minutes and it’ll be good as new!”
He pushed the two mares out of the cottage, “Go, go, GO! I need room to work!”
Fluttershy was still in shock as she stood there, motionless, asking herself what the BUCK just happened. She turned to Twilight who rolled her eyes.
“Bear started talking about how to cook a rock on an open fire, which freaked me out a LOT. When I scolded him, he took out some gasoline and a match and talked about how he served in the British Special Forces…again” Twilight said flatly with a sigh.
(Ponyville)
The two started down towards Ponyville. With Bear occupying her cottage, Fluttershy had nowhere to go, so they decided to go out for brunch with Twilight. They found a nice café and ordered a large batch of hay fries.
After the initial, not-so-reassuring shock of the day, things seemed to be back on track.
Seemed like this was actually going to be a good day.
(Fluttershy’s cottage)
“Hmmm,” Bear said as he stroked his chin, “how am I going to fix all this?”
Angel sleepily toddled down the stairs, not caring about all the ruckus that went down earlier, but missing his owner nonetheless. He looked around for a bit before stopping when he came across the mess that was the living room.
“Aha!” Bear flicked open his knife and started inching towards Angel as he looked back at the camera, “Now, if you’re going to catch a bunny, you have to be incredibly fast and corner the bugger!”
At these words, Angel’s eyes went wide and he ran up the stairs, igniting a battle cry from Bear.
Ugh. This was going to be bad day.
(Ponyville)
Rainbow flew over to the girls, “Hey! How’re you today?”
Twilight smiled, “Hey there, Rainbow! I’m pretty good, how are you?”
She landed next to Fluttershy, partially ignoring Twilight, “Pretty good, pretty good. Say, Fluttershy, where’s your honey badger friend? I wanna see how he did that…thing yesterday!”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Rainbow, but I think you’d better ask Bear what happened. The honey badgers are usually really nice, I think whatever happened was his idea,” Fluttershy said with a gentle smile, “but they’re both back at my cottage, if you’d like to visit them”
Rainbow nodded, “Thanks! I don’t care who did it, I just wanna know how to do it, and with Celestia as my witness, I’m gonna bucking LEARN!”
She took off toward Fluttershy’s cottage as Twilight sighed, “Do you think she’s going to be able to do…THAT?”
Fluttershy giggled, “I doubt it. She may be strong, but what that honey badger did was just plain scary”
She awkwardly sipped her tea and proceeded onto their hay fries.
(Fluttershy’s cottage)
Angel was terrified, running under the couch did nothing as bear literally split it in two. Angel ran all around the furniture, desperately trying to shake off his pursuer, but Bear knocked every piece out of the way violently.
Bear grinned and spoke to the camera, “He’s a quick one, but I’ll be able to get him”
Angel ran into the kitchen, but was pounced on by Bear, who pinned him to the ground. Angel peed himself as his life flashed before his eyes.
“Gotcha! Now, what you’ve got to do to skin an anim-” he said with a nonchalantly before he was bucked off of Angel into the wall.
“Leave him alone, you big bully!” came the one responsible for the buck’s command.
His knife had flown out of his hand from the mighty buck, but he didn’t care. He would take this thing on with his bare hands (I won’t make the same pun three times in a row, don’t worry).
If Bear learned anything from the military, it was that anything worth getting was hard to get. And he liked it.
(Ponyville)
Twilight nodded, “You’re right. Besides, that honey badger fainted afterwards, which means that took a lot of raw energy from the little guy to perform”
Fluttershy shuddered, “Do you think it hurt him, Twilight? Oh, I really hope he wasn’t hurt”
Twilight patted her friend on the shoulder, “There there, he’s alright now, don’t worry. And he helped save Ponyville!”
That thought comforted Fluttershy, but she was still sad about the whole situation.
(Fluttershy’s cottage)
Rainbow was kicked out of Fluttershy’s window, but she looped around in the sky, flew back through, and slammed Bear into the coffee table. He took one of the broken off legs from it and beat her back, before shoving her off and stomping on her.
She kicked his right thigh and leapt on him, both of them taking a grandfather clock down with them. He adjusted his legs in front of his body and kicked her off, right into the wall.
Suddenly, she flew out of sight, confusing Bear, “Where did that little weasel go…?”
The answer came in the form of a hit-and-run hoof to the face, “Can’t hit what ya can’t see!”’
Bear chuckled, “Clever girl…but not clever enough…”
He grabbed the roll of duct tape as a mad grin spread on his face.
(Ponyville)
Twilight was just finishing her third piece of toast as Fluttershy hiccupped, “This was really good, we should come here more often”
Twilight smiled contently, “You’re right, Fluttershy, everything tasted so…fresh!”
The two mares laughed, paid, got up, and started back toward Fluttershy’s. They wanted to see if Bear could ACTUALLY have had it fixed by now. She didn’t know why, but Fluttershy trusted Bear a great deal.
(Fluttershy’s cottage)
Rainbow twisted and flailed about helplessly, “Gah!”
Bear had put strips of duct tape EVERYWHERE, from ceiling to floor, catching Rainbow in his web like a spider catching a fly.
He trudged through the web towards his victim, duct tape hanging off of him, “Not so fast now, are you, Rainbow Weasel?”
As he came within range, she bucked him into his own web as she untangled herself and leapt onto him.
The two fought viciously, before Bear spotted two mares walking towards the cottage, “Oh no!”
Seeing that her opponent had stopped, Rainbow looked where he was looking as well, “What?”
He shoved Rainbow aside, “Rainbow Weasel, we have a BIG problem. And by we I mean me. You have to help me clean all this up before they get here!”
Spitting out some blood, she got up, bruised and aching, and glared at him, “We were literally in a life-or-death struggle SECONDS ago!”
He chuckled, “Oh Rainbow weasel, I wouldn’t kill you! You’re all simply too adorable. But that’s beside the point, we HAVE to clean this up before they get here”
She sighed, “Even if I wanted to help, how could we possibly clean all of this up in time?”
He unrolled a long strip of duct tape and winked, “Trust me”
(On the path to Fluttershy’s cottage)
“So THAT’S what’s under Pyro’s mask!” Twilight exclaimed excitedly.
Fluttershy smiled sheepishly, “Yes, well, it doesn’t usually tell people because it thinks it will make them nervous. It just wants to coexist, that’s all! Well, coexist with fire, that is”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean ‘it’”
Fluttershy grinned awkwardly, “O-oh look, we’re back!”
Twilight rolled her eyes, “Fine, we can talk about this later…”
Fluttershy let out a sigh of relief, “At least he didn’t burn the house down…”
“We don’t know what the interior looks like, probably still charred from the fire” Twilight added with a roll of her eyes.
Fluttershy opened the door, “I just don’t know, Twilight, sometimes I just- Ehh…woah…”
The two mares were awe-struck as an understatement. The floor was completely clear; polished, even! The coffee table was extremely shiny, the couch looked even cleaner than it did before, birdhouses and pet sanctuaries alike were cleaned from top to bottom, and there was an exotic, expensive-looking rug on the floor that Fluttershy was pretty sure wasn’t there before.
Standing in the middle of this bright, glorious display was none other than Bear Grylls himself, accompanied by Rainbow, who had no injuries or dirt on her at all, either.
“How did you…?” Twilight asked, mouth still hanging open.
“Duct tape,” Rainbow answered with a chuckle, “looots of duct tape”
Twilight looked at Rainbow, “You’re going to have to explain to me what happened later”
Rainbow smiled awkwardly, “I would, Twilight, but I’m not entirely sure I understand what happened”
Bear smiled at Fluttershy, who was still at a loss for words, “So, what do you think?”
Her confused expression slowly morphed into a rare, ear-to-ear smile that resembled, in its entirety, the absolute EPITOME of glee (Basically, you know that annoying kid at school who is ALWAYS happy? The one you hate because you’re jealous of him and you’re secretly dying inside and you need a way to express yourself and open up to your friends, but you can’t because you have no friends and you’re all alone in the world because nobody loves you and you’re a nobody and sometimes you cry yourself to sleep because (Basically, Pinkie Pie)), “It’s…it’s beautiful! This is…WOW! Amazing! Thank you, Bear! Thank you so much!”
He smiled and nodded, “It’s my pleasure, because I’m Bear Grylls, and I served with the British Special Forces”
Rainbow rolled her eyes as she smacked him roughly, then bucked him in the gut. He thanked her afterwards. Why? Because he’s Bear Grylls, and he served in the British Special Forces.
For once, Fluttershy actually laughed openly, snorting every so often, causing everypony in the room to fill up with glee instantly at the adorkable sight, “Do you think you could clean my library like this, Bear? I’d pay you! Spike doesn’t even do it this well”
He pondered for a moment, “Hmmm…well, a little money in my pocket might increase my chances of survival…how many pounds would you pay me, then?”
Twilight quirked up an eyebrow, “Pounds of…what? Pounds of bits? Um, well, I don’t know how much a bit weighs…”
“No, no, I mean pounds of raw fish” came the survivalist’s response, making Fluttershy cringe as she was brought back to Earth.
Twilight grimaced, “Uh…nevermind, we’ll talk later”
After a few minutes of awkward silence, he turned to Rainbow, “Come on, Rainbow Weasel, we should get going”
She blinked, then looked at him, being broken out of her trance, “Oh, I, uh, came here to ask you something”
“Right, well, you can ask me while I get myself some breakfast, then” she said confidently as he grabbed Rainbow and headed for the door.
“Oh, wait, you don’t have any money!” Twilight trotted over to him.
He smiled and shook his head, “I don’t need money to eat, Tweasel. I’m Bear Grylls, and I served in the British Special Forces”
Rainbow smacked him, then bucked him in the gut, “When are you gonna learn, Bear?”
He smiled, not phased at all by the blows, “Pain is temporary, pride is forever”
Without another word, he grabbed Rainbow and dashed out of the cottage toward the Everfree forest. Twilight giggled a little at Rainbow’s protest and turned to Fluttershy.
“You know,” she began, “he is pretty funny sometimes”
Fluttershy smiled weakly, embarrassed of her behavior earlier, “Right…but I don’t know what we’re going to do with him”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, “He’s a bear creature that can flawlessly clean a house with duct tape. I’m betting that he’ll at least make a few bits being able to clean ponies’ houses around town. Once he saves up enough money, he can buy himself a house somewhere here in Ponyville”
Their conversation ended as Twilight left for her library. She would research the place called “British” when she got back, but after that, she needed to get back to her studies.
(Everfree forest)
Rainbow sighed as she watched Bear pick some berries, “Why did I need to come along?”
“Well,” he responded, “partially because you cost me my breakfast, to be completely honest”
“Hey, there was no WAY I was going to let you eat Fluttershy’s pet” came the defensive response.
He snorted, “Silly Rainbow, nobody keeps bunnies as pets. They’re used for food purposes only”
She sighed, “We don’t even eat meat, Bear, and it’s ‘nopony’, not ‘nobody’”
He was taken aback by that statement, “You don’t eat MEAT!? What kind of sick weasels are you?”
He blinked, “Oh, and my apologies, ‘noweasel’”
She rolled her eyes, “I think Twilight said we were, like, herb thingies or something?”
He squinted his eyes, “Wait a second, you’re not REALLY weasels, then, are you?”
She facehoofed, “No, we are not weasels”
“Unless…” he said, appearing to be deep in thought, “unless you’re some kind of talking, mutant, herbivore weasels…”
“NO! WE ARE NOT WEASELS!” she almost screamed.
“What was that noise over there?” came a voice through the foliage.
“Get DOWN” Bear said as he flopped onto his belly and roughly shoved Rainbow down with him.
Her voice was down to a harsh whisper, “What is it?”
He shushed her as he pointed to a figure taking shape in front of them, “I thought it sounded like a voice”
A second creature came into view as well, “Yes, I heard it too”
More creatures came in and searched around for the source of the noise, as Rainbow’s eyes went wide, “Those things…they’re changelings! We have to get out of here”
“No,” said Bear under his breath, “not yet”
The first changeling spoke again, “We have to keep moving, whatever it is probably won’t matter, not like we’re hunting right now anyways”
They started moving as Bear grabbed Rainbow, “Come on, we have to see where they’re headed”
Even the bravest pony in Ponyville had fear in her eyes, “Are you crazy? Those things HATE ponies”
He didn’t respond, he just grabbed her and stalked his prey, turning to the camera, “Now, stalking prey is a delicate art…these things are a little faster than timberwolves from earlier, but perhaps we can take something from their home base, if we’re lucky”
(Twilight’s library)
When she got home, Spike was sweeping the floor casually before he looked up, “Oh, hey, Twilight. How was the party?”
She blinked; she had forgotten all about the party, “The party? Oh, uh, it was fine”
She smiled sheepishly, then turned around and looked up the book of countries, “Let’s see…B…B…B…”
The book was practically mauled with what she did to it, but she couldn’t find any country that had the name ‘British’ or anything close to it. She sighed and put it back rather roughly, causing Spike to look up in mild alarm, raising an eyebrow.
Spike decided to approach her cautiously due to the large amount of annoyance on her face, “What’s wrong?”
“Oh, I keep looking for this place Bear says he’s from and it’s not here, Spike!” she said with a roll of her eyes.
He chuckled a little, “He’s crazy. Really cool, but crazy. I’d just roll with it if I were you, Twilight; you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to make sense of him. He’s just like Pinkie Pie”
She giggled at the thought of Pinkie Pie acting like him, crawling around in muck, beating up timberwolves.
(The hive)
Going deeper and deeper into the Everfree forest, Rainbow was becoming more and more like Fluttershy, “Bear, please, we have to go back!”
He shook his head, “No, we have to see where these little buggers are going”
Eventually, they reached the hive, which was a small cave opening with two guards waiting in the shadows. Bear crawled with Rainbow through the bushes to get a better look.
He smiled, grabbed a silently protesting Rainbow, and headed into the cave. The guards hissed as he came through, but he easily beat them and knocked them unconcious.
As they snuck further into the cave, Rainbow finally said, “No, that’s enough, I am NOT going through here any further. We’re leaving, NOW!”
Her last word echoed through the cave system, causing pretty much every changeling in the entire hive to deduce her exact position like a slimy, disgusting sextant, “Oops…”
Guards were soon upon them, but instead of fighting and resisting, Bear just stood there and allowed himself to be captured, “Just let it happen, we’ll be alright, I promise. Besides, we’ll never get deeper into the cave if we don’t go along with it”
“But I don’t wanna go along with it! I don’t wanna go deeper into the cave!” she argued.
They were taken deeper and deeper into the hive, before they reached what appeared to be the center, complete with a throne and a queen bee of sorts staring down at them.
Rainbow glared at their leader, and tried to dash forward, but the changelings had put some goo in her wings so that she couldn’t fly, “Chrysalis!”
“Well, well, well,” came the smooth reply, “I haven’t seen you for a while. How have you been?”