The next few days were relatively tolerable. Now I say relatively because I still had to deal Pinkie's friends during school hours, which boiled down to Flubber showing me up in Gym, Rainbow trying to talk with me in Geography, and Twilight constantly asking about more Manga recommendations. For some reason she saw me as an expert, so all I had to do was keep dropping names and she would leave me alone.
My biggest annoyance though came from Applejack being made my lab partner in chemistry class. For insane idiotic reasons the teacher decided to have us partnered up for future projects and lab work. ‘Doctor Test-Tube’ as she liked to be called, apparently had a pension for pairing together polar opposites in her classes, so she knew perfectly well that the farm girl and I didn’t get along. She even made a pun about chemical reactions and explosions about the whole situation, she wasn’t even trying to hide it.
Applejack was just as enthused by the idea as I was, but surprisingly we worked efficiently and quickly. Unlike other groups that made chit chat and small talk, we both focused on the project at hand so that we could get away from each other faster. She didn’t say anymore than she needed to, and I didn’t make any quips, mostly to avoid acid being thrown in my face, and it all worked out. Mutual animosity does have it’s benefits I guess.
But all in all, none of the girls bothered me outside of school, which was heaven in it’s own right. I figured that Pinkie either took a hint about giving me space, or she was waiting for me to drop my guard before pouncing. After the blatant death threat she’d given me, I sure as Hell wasn’t going to be complacent anytime soon.
But yeah, with my free time returned, I finally got back on a regular gaming schedule with two uninterrupted nights of button mashing in peace. I also got around to unpacking the majority of my stuff for the kitchen, living room, and all my collectible loot. All in all, not too shabby.
Of course that peaceful streak ended when Ketchup and Mustard hair tried to get physical.
It was Friday, and I was still on guard for Pinkie shenanigans. She’d been rather reserved in her antics on the bus and at school, almost serious in her demeanor, which set off all sorts of red flags for me. Two days ago, I knew she was a lot smarter than she let on, and was a master manipulator, so on that day, when she got all peppy again, I knew to be cautious. Her stupid party was over the weekend, so I figured it all had something to do with that.
However, nothing happened. No sudden jump-scares, no out of nowhere visit, hell she didn’t even try to drag me off to her friends table during lunch! I actually managed to get outside towards my tree (with Derpy, who thankfully had yet to 'Level Up') without any pink resistance.
And that put me on a whole new level of edge.
I was starting to get so paranoid that by the time my Gym class started I was already doing the assigned exercises just to keep my mind off whatever Pinkie had planned. Needless to say, the look on Coach Spitfire’s face was something committed to my memory despite my paranoia.
By the time classes were out and I had gotten my stuff from my locker, I was well prepared for the hammer to fall, so I wasn’t surprised at all when I was roughly shoved into my locker.
Son of a-That hurt you pink nutcase!
With that thought I grave a low growl and said,
“Damn it Pinkie! Whatever it is your planning I’m no-”
Before I finished my sentence I was turned around, and immediately relieved.
“Oh, it’s just you Condiment Head. You actually gave me a scare there for a second, thought you were Pinkie hehehe.”
My comment only got Sunset to growl in annoyance as she glared at me.
“For the last time, my name is Sunset Shimmer! Sun-set! Shim-mer!”
“Yeah yeah, whatever you say, but you’re right Condiment Head is getting rather old. How about Mustchup, or Ketchard? What do you call ketchup and mustard mix?” I responded with a coy smile as her face started to grow red in anger.
“You are really starting to get on my nerves new kid, and that is something you do not want.”
If I could have moved my arms I would have mockingly held my heart, but since they were pinned against my locker since apparently every single girl in school could bench press a truck, I just went with being a smart ass.
“Aw, but I thought you were ‘at war’ with me? Don’t tell me you’re waving the white flag already?”
She just growled even more at the mention of her little declaration. After I had showed her up on the second day of school, she had been doing her damndest to get back at me. Rumors after rumors were spread by her and her two little underclass toadies, each one more slanderous and ridiculous than the last. But since I didn’t give a damn, they didn’t really take off.
If anything, they reflected right back at her, and showed her as desperate since many had witnessed our first powwow.
There were the exceptions of course, but if anything, the believers of that gossip actually made my life easier. They avoided me and left me alone, which is what I preferred. If they believed half of the crap she came up with, I wouldn’t have wanted to be around them anyway.
And since no one wanted to be around me, it made even more of the rumors shrivel and die since it entailed me being active in other’s personal lives, which didn’t add up.
So, with my utter indifference to my social standing and the vicious cycle of her gossip imploding, Sunset’s attempts to ‘break me’ failed miserably, and now here she was, upping the ante as she gripped my shoulders even tighter.
“You just keep on being smug Bacon, and you’ll see just why I’m the queen of this school,” she hissed.
“Oh please, if you’re the queen then I must be the duke of Nottingham,” I rolled my eyes. “I’ve only been here for a few days and even I can tell that those Disco-Rejects run the place, you’re middle management at best.” To my surprise Sunset’s grip actually loosened at that and she seemed caught off.
“Wait...do you actually work for them?” I asked which caused her to stiffen, answering my question. “Ah, that makes sense actually. That’s why there’s no infighting between you guys. They’re more the mean girl behind the scenes manipulator queen bees, and you’re better at the physical stuff apparently, though they usually have guys for that. So does the one with poofy hair got some dirt on ya or…”
My words trailed off as Sunset’s grip returned tenfold, actually enough to make me wince.
“Those Bitches have nothing on me! They just think they’re at the top of the food chain, but they’ll see just where they belong soon enough,” she growled, though I felt it was more for herself than my benefit.
“Hmm, do they know that?” I asked and she gritted her teeth more.
“Just…just fork over whatever cash you got. I need to hit the gym and distress so chop chop,” she threatened.
“Really? You’re extorting me just so you can go run on a treadmill? There’s a track here that’s free,” I deadpanned at her. Even if I was carrying cash and willing to fork it over, there were a lot of better ways she could spend it.
"Are you seriously mocking me right now?!"
"What? No. I would never-Yes,” I said mockingly. Gritting her teeth hard enough to crack, she let go of me with one hand, clenched it in a fist and coiled it back.
So easy to rile up, I thought with pity. I braced myself for her punch which I’d been edging on because even after all the shouting, none of the bystanders were intervening, in fact most of them were watching with rapt attention. Typical, yet expected.
After a few seconds though, the fist didn’t collide with me. Glancing back at her, it was still cocked, and her fist was shaking, and she looked…unsure. I frowned as this put a dampener on my plan. If she hit me, I could get her suspended. It’s a method I’d used before.
“What are you waiting for?” I asked which caused her to look at me in confusion. “Just do it already.”
“I…You…”
“HEY! BACK OFF!"
She and I both looked to the source of that yell, and found Rainbow Dash parting the crowd with a scowl on her face.
Wait What?
"Well well well, if it isn't Rainbow Dash,” Sunset recovered as she lowered her fist, though she did still hold me pinned to the locker. “Do you mind? I'm in the middle of teaching the new kid a lesson."
"Yeah, I do mind. Now stop being a pain and let Mike go or else!" she demanded, squaring her shoulders up.
“Was that a threat?” Sunset asked with her eyes narrowed. “Did you forget the last time someone threatened me?”
That remark actually caused Rainbow to flinch back in surprise, and a lot of her bravado seemed to leave her. If that wasn't confusing enough, the crowd around her also flinched and started mumbling fearfully.
Okay...what the hell is going on with that?
"That's what I thought. Next time you try to play hero Rainbow, why don't you back off and remember your place."
With my would be savior looking less confident, and her focus completely off of me, I acted.
"Okay, getting annoyed now,” I interrupted her power play and got all eyes on me. “Can you let me go S.S. Hotdog? You made me miss my bus and the walk home is long.”
“What?” Sunset huffed in befuddlement.
“I wanna go home, I don’t have any cash on me, and you fumbled your moment to hit me. Just let me go so we can go back to me ignoring you please?”
Sunset, the crowd and even Rainbow Dash seemed bewildered by my calm tone, but before anyone could respond, a voice cut through the crowd.
"What are all you students doing?! Either get to your club activities or go home! No loitering in the halls after school!"
Aw Crap! Ms. Harshwhinny! I thought in panic. I wasn’t the only one as the crowd quickly scattered, and Sunset all but sprinted away from me, but not before one last clichéd threat.
“This isn’t over. You’ll break eventually!”
Yeah yeah yeah, keep telling yourself that ya strawberry blonde bitch, I thought as I smoothed out my shirt.
And like that the hall was empty save me, Dash, and Ms. Harshwhinny who gave us both one last shooing motion before she left the hall as well. There was a couple of seconds of silence before I gave a sigh, picked up my bag, and started making my way out of the building.
“Thirty minutes of game time lost because I gotta freaking walk. Thanks Shimmer,” I grumble. As I stepped outside and prepared for my long journey, I was stopped as Rainbow called out from behind me.
"Wait Mike, hold up!"
Groaning, I looked back at her and found her looking everywhere but my face.
"Look Rainbow, whatever you’re about to say I don't care. Whatever scheme Pinkie set you up on, I-"
"I-I'm sorry about what just happened!" she blurted out sounding guilty.
“…Huh?” I blinked owlishly as her words hit me, but Rainbow didn't notice this as she continued with her face towards the ground.
"I'm sorry about what happened alright! I thought I could help you out with that jerk, but all I did was clam up and be useless. I was an idiot, and I'm sorry I couldn't help."
A few moments of silence followed that declaration.
And I thought Rarity was the dramatic one. Maybe that’s just a thing for Pinkie's friends...
"Well you’re right about one thing, you really are an idiot," I said breaking the silence and causing a look of shock to cross her face.
“What?!” she exclaimed.
I just shrugged my shoulders and walked out the front door.
"Hey!" she shouted and caught up with me. “What the heck is that all about?”
"What, you thought I was gonna disagree with you on being an idiot? You stuck your nose in someone else's problems and it backfired on you because you didn't think it through. That's what idiots do, so therefore you are an idiot."
Rainbow just looked at my dumbly for my words, but that quickly changed to anger as she growled,
"Hey man, I'm just trying to apologize all right! No need to be a dick and make me feel any worse!"
"Okay sure, whatever,” I deadpanned and kept walking. “Honestly I had things covered before you butted in, so if you feel like you have to apologize at least do it for that."
"How on earth was you about to be punched being in control of the situation?! That's like the exact opposite.”
I rolled my eyes at Rainbow's inability to think long term as I explained,
"Simple. If she had punched me she would have gotten suspended for assault and I wouldn’t have had to deal with her for a few days.”
“Wait, you wanted her to punch you? You were planning on it?” Rainbow asked in shock.
“Yeah, I’ve done it before, though admittedly it would have been the first time for a girl doing it, but whatever,” I admitted.
“I see…” Rainbow said disturbed.
“Plus, I could have milked the injury and gotten out of being Spitfire’s punching bag for awhile too, but that’s all ruined now,” I grumbled.
“Wait, you think Coach would actually give you time off for a punch in the face?” she asked as my flawless logic seemed to fly over her head.
“Yeah,” I said simply.
“Bwahahaha,” she began cracking up which caused my eye to twitch. “Oh man, heh heh, and you called me an idiot?"
“Laugh all you want, when the chips are down, I can dramatically fake an injury better than a soccer player.”
“Hey, I play soccer,” she said in annoyance.
“The point still stands,” I rolled my eyes. “So next time you see a bully about to knock my lights out, don’t intervene. If you want to help, be my snitch when the teachers ask what happened. Now if you’ll excuse me…”
Having reached the edge of campus, I began my long trek home. It only took me a few seconds to realize that Rainbow was still walking beside me.
"Why are you following me? Don't you have a car you can be giving people heart attacks with?"
“Funny thing actually, I needed my transmission replaced today, so my Dad has it. Besides, I live in the same way as you so why not let you enjoy the awesomeness of my company?" she said smugly.
“…Whatever,” I groaned as my eye twitched again.
I will never get these girls. One minute she's all sad for 'failing to help me' and now she's all laughs. Why couldn't I be sent to a school that makes sense?!
Ignorant to my thoughts Rainbow chuckled at my annoyed expression.
"Yeah, I know walking home with someone as awesome as me must be a huge highlight to your day. Besides, you’re lucky that Sun-jerk didn't hit ya. Coach doesn't let anyone slack off unless they literally can't move. I've seen some of the best runners on the track team hacking up a lung, and coach still made them run."
My horrified face must have amused Rainbow as she started laughing once again.
"That lady is evil incarnate…Alright, that kind of work ethic aside, at least I’d have one less threatening annoyance.”
Still plenty of 'Friendly' ones though.
"Well actually..."
No...Don't tell me...
"Our school is all about getting both sides of the story when it comes bullying. And since Sunset is one of the big bads around school it’s kinda hard to get anyone to vouch against her. So even if she did punch you..."
“Every student is a docile sheep,” I sighed. “But hey, at least you would’ve said something since you hate her so much.”
At that she looked off to the side and said nothing.
“Oh God, you too?”
“It’s not like that! It’s…” she sighed. “There’s a lot of things to consider. Besides, Shimmer and the Dazzlings usually never resort to physical violence, it’s how they’ve been able to operate for so long. You seem to be the exception for some reason.”
Groaning in annoyance about how piss poorly managed Canterlot High’s system was I couldn't help but think,
God this place sucks. This is even worse than that time those stupid hippies got my old school to go vegetarian for a week. At least they got crap done and stood for something, even if it was torturous.
"Okay...if all that is a thing, then why did you bother trying to help me? I know Pinkie's got you in her whole 'be friends with the guy who clearly doesn't want to' shtick she's got going on, but that’s a weak excuse." To that, she looked confuse before she shook her head and chuckled,
"Ah come on man, what kind of question is that? We're friends dude, and friends help each other out...although admittedly I probably could have done a better job at doing that."
"But we're not friends,” I said bluntly. “If anything we're reluctant acquaintances at best and complete strangers at worse. In fact, I would prefer the latter."
“What…?”
"Look Skittles, you can drop the whole 'friend' act. Pinkie isn't here so you don't need to play nice. Just tell me the real reason you tried to help me out…Well? What’s the…answer?”
My sudden confusion was due to the fact that Rainbow had stopped walking besides me, and was now a few steps behind. What was even more confusing was the utterly dumbfounded look on her face.
Okay...so either I missed something or a UFO just flew over my head without me realizing it.
Before I could ask her anything else, she spoke up.
"You...you really don’t think that we're friends huh?"
I couldn't stop myself form rolling my eyes in annoyance and staring up towards the sky as I said,
"Okay I'm starting to sound like a broken record here. Yes, we are not friends. I don’t want to be friends with anyone, no offense to you or Pinkie. I just prefer to be by myself, and I'm pretty sure we've established that the only reason you've been all friendly is to keep her happy. Serious-"
"Nope,” she interrupted me causing me to look back to her in surprise.
"Uh...what do you mean by nope?"
Instead of answering me Rainbow started to walk towards me with determination in her eyes. I backed up a few steps, but she simply walked past me and kept walking.
"Exactly what it sounds like, you’re wrong, about the whole 'only doing it for Pinkie' thing at least. I mean sure I'll admit it’s weird hearing someone not wanting to be friends with someone as awesome as me, but I'm sure I'll get used to it after awhile."
Okay, my confusion has officially gotten onto the confusion express with tickets to confusionville. The heck is this girl going on about?
"Okay slow down Dash, just what are you getting at?" She gave me a quick glance before she faced forward again.
"Well Mike, it’s pretty simple. You’re a cool guy to hang around. You’re a snarky jackass that complains a lot, but you’re cool.”
“I’m cool…?” I asked in complete disbelief. “Have you even met me? The hell are you smoking?”
She snickered at that.
“See, like that,” she pointed out. “You’re always quick on the draw for comebacks, you crack me up even when you insult me, and let’s not forget our epic feather fight, if that doesn’t make us friends, I don’t know what does.”
“The feather fight? Are you serious? That was just some time wasting bullcrap,” I sputtered.
“It was still fun,” she smirked back at me, and stopped to let me catch up. “Oh and one more thing, you’re cool because you’re like the only person in the entire school that’s got the chops to stand up to the Dazzlings and Sunset, which is more than I can say for me, the most awesome person ever.”
“I-But-Wha-“ I sputtered and she bopped me on the shoulder.
“You’re a friend in my book, even if you deny it,” she said with a big smile.
“Ugh, why can’t any of you take a hint!” I groaned as I pulled my hair. “Pinkie is-“
“Pinkie is a handful I know,” she interrupted ”And I know you want to be rid of her, but if you really weren’t her friend, then you wouldn’t go out of your way to let her down easy.”
“…You’ve been talking with Applejack,” I said realizing how she’d said those last words.
“Yeah,” she nodded before smirking. “For someone who doesn’t care for her, you’re sure going out of your way to not make her sad.”
“Yeah, well, I may be an asshole, but I’m not heartless,” I excused. “Besides, Ms. Yeehaw will curb stomp me if I hurt her again.”
Not to mention what that pink psycho would do to me with those murder eyes of hers.
“Hmm, and here I thought you didn’t mind getting hit?” she teased.
“It would still hurt Rainbow!”
She just laughed again at that before shaking her head.
“Even if you think that, you’re still my bud. I'll get you to see that sooner or later. Who knows, maybe if we hang out enough my awesomeness might just rub off on ya?"
I was so flabbergasted by her nonchalance that I didn’t even get to make a phrasing quip.
Great, now I got two of them thinking they have to prove that we’re friends, I thought in melancholy. Why didn’t I beg mom to let me stay in my old school?
The rest of my walk back home with Rainbow was...interesting to say the least. Rainbow kept insisting that I was her friend and I just kept rebuking her the entire time to no avail. Eventually the whole 'conversation' downgraded to the two of us just passing insults at each other while constantly going back and forth about how I was/wasn't her friend.
Once we actually got back to my house, after only half an hour, I was surprised (and annoyed) to find out that Rainbow actually did live near me on the other side of the block. The only reason I never saw her before was because she usually drove to school and didn’t take the bus.
But anyway, despite our conversation, she knew well enough to leave me alone and she went on her way with a cheerful,
“See you later.”
“Hopefully much later,” I grumbled under my breath.
Once inside, I prepped for my Bloodborne session. I got the usual supplies, chips, popcorn, enough root beer to keep a football team wired, and a few stress balls for the inevitable rage. With that prepped, I quickly scribbled out Ms. Harshwhinny’s stupid writing assignment punishment she’d given me and Rainbow from a few days ago. This ate another hour of precious game time, but it was necessary. Crossing that woman is a death sentence.
With punishment homework done, I sat down in my favorite bean bag chair, turned on my flat screen with extra speakers hooked to it, and fired up the PS4.
"Alright Amygdala, I’m coming for your ass!” I said in determination as the game booted up.
As soon as my character was on screen, I made a beeline for the fog door and prepped myself.
Okay Mike, you can do this. It killed you thirty plus times but you’ve learned. Just lame it out and don’t overthi-
*Knock Knock Knock*
"HOLY SHI-*WHUMP*!" I hit the floor startled as the controller flew into the couch behind me. I wasn’t expecting such a loud noise during such intense concentration, so I reacted accordingly. Sadly that distraction was all that was needed for the enemies I’d run past to catch up and slaughter my character as they stood dumbly in front of the fog door.
“DAMN IT!” I cried out as I saw the You Died notification once more. Gritting my teeth I stared daggers at the door and sure enough the frantic knocking started again.
You miserable…I was in the zone and you cheated me out of it, I grumbled before sighing. Well no use in pretending I’m not here, they definitely heard me shouting. God Damn It Pinkie.
Convinced it was the Pink menace I decided to try and head off her shenanigans at the pass, so I got up and went to the door as louder more rapid knocks came from it.
"Alright alright already! Hold your horses I’m coming!”
Opening the door roughly, I began my irritated spiel,
"Pinkie you better hav-"
"Just what were you thinking?!”
Only to be interrupted by a pissed off Purple Girl.
"Twilight? The hell are you doing he-"
Before I could finish questioning her, the secret manga lover ignored me and walked into my humble home without my permission.
"Wha-hey lady you can't just-"
"Seriously of all the bone-headed things you could have done, you just had to antagonize Sunset Shimmer again didn't you?! I know I can't force you to not do that, but I figured you had at least some common sense!"
These friggen interrupting harpies, just let me finish my damn sentences! I thought in annoyance.
"Okay, first off how do you know about that? Actually, no wait forget that, just get out of my house! This is like the second time you've barged in here!"
Apparently my demand fell on deaf ears as Twilight completely ignored me and started to pace back and forth in worry, once again off in her own little world. Oh, and to add to the fun she also started to ramble...a lot.
"I mean I knew this would happen eventually, but it’s not even the second week of school yet! How you can get Sunset that annoyed at you in such little time should be impossible-"
"Uh, Twilight?"
"Not to mention now you've got a bunch of rumors from both Sunset and the Dazzlings floating around, which wouldn't have happened if you just took my advice and kept your head low! And furthermore-"
"Twilight!"
"Do you know how much trouble you could have gotten into if Sunset actually went through with her threat?! She could have seriously hurt you, or twisted the story so that you attacked first and then you would be expelled! Or even worse, Sunset could ha-"
"Oh for the love of-SHUT UP PURPLE SMART!"
My annoyance finally was loud enough to snap Twilight out of it as she looked over at my red face in surprise. Now finally having her attention I took a deep breath to calm down before I said,
"Now listen Twilight, I appreciate the concern. I don't know how you found out about all this so soon but-"
"Oh, Rainbow told us!"
Trying to ignore my eye twitch at being interrupted once again I continued,
"Of course she did, but that's not the point. The point is that if you don't get out of my house right now I will not hesitate to use my water guns as a means to get you out."
Twilight seemed confused for a few seconds before a blush spread across her face and she let out some weird 'eep' sound before stuttering out,
"O-oh I am so sorry Mr. Bacon! I didn't mean to enter your property without permission, again! I was just so frustrated an-and when I was picked to check on you I guess I got over my head. I'm really really sorry!"
Wait, hold up! What did she just say?
"Back up a bit, what do you mean you were 'picked' to check on me?"
Twilight's eyes widened at my question, as apparently she wasn't supposed to let that detail slip. She started looking around in a panic, but once she realized that I was still staring her down and nothing in the room could help her avoid answering she sighed in resignation.
"Uh well, you see once Rainbow told us, Pinkie was really worried about you despite her saying you were doing okay, and well, It's kinda hard to argue with her without someone agreeing with her in the end."
I'm starting to get that feeling, yes.
"So she wanted one of us to check on you since she was busy setting up your par-I mean the New Student Appreciation party! The others were all busy, and Rainbow already talked with you, so they decided I should go. Plus besides Rainbow, Pinkie, and Fluttershy I'm the closest one near you so it wouldn't be too much of a hassle to get here."
Okay...that's a lot of information to take in. Apparently not only do Pinkie and Rainbow live near me, but so does Twilight and whoever this 'Fluttershy' girl is. Six of them was bad enough, but there’s a seventh? Ugh…
"Well its nice to know you all think I need someone to check up on me, but I'm good,” I said fully displaying my annoyance. “Nothing even really happened anyway, so I don't get why Pinkie is so worried or why you’re freaking out."
It was subtle, but Twilight's eye twitched in annoyance at that.
"Pinkie is worried because she's your friend and doesn't want you to get hurt or worse by those bullies! And you know full well why I'm 'panicking,' because you keep painting a bigger target on yourself!"
"For the last time, I am not nor will I ever be friends with Pinkie, or any of her friends including you. I just want to be left alone,” I put it to her bluntly with a massive eye roll.
“Speaking of being alone," I gestured towards my still open door, "you've done your whole 'checking on me' job and it looks like I'm fine. Now get out and let me get to my game."
Instead of leaving like I was hoping she would, Twilight instead gave me this very annoying look of pity.
"Look, I was just like you before I came to Canterlot High. I thought I didn't need any friends either, but then I met Pinkie and the rest of the girls and I reali-"
"Stop, stop, stop, you can spare me your sentimental nonsense,” I interrupted holding up my hands, giving her a taste of her own medicine. “I'm sure there's some interesting story about you figuring out you were lonely on the inside and how it changed your life, but I don't really care. So once again, please take your soap box and leave."
She looked aghast at my steamrolling over her inspirational BS, which soon became a scowl.
"Ugh! How can you be so sure that you don't need friends?! Don't you think you need someone to depend on when you’re in trouble, or someone to help cheer you up on a bad day?"
Okay, some very unwanted memories starting to come back now, I grit my teeth as she made me remember. What is with these girls and friendship? It’s like some sort of religion for them or something!
“I don’t need anyone…” I told her sternly.
“That’s not true, everyone nee-“
“I Said I Don’t!” I said even more heatedly which caused her to step back in alarm and drop her backpack. Flashes from the past were opening up old wounds and I’d had enough of her zealotry for one day. Deciding that this 'conversation’ was going on far too long for my liking I glared right at the bespectacled girl.
"Okay listen Sparkle, I have been perfectly fine without friends for a good chunk of my life. I didn't need them then and I don't need them now! Especially with a bunch of psychos who clearly don't understand the definitions of private property, personal space and no means no!"
"How do you know that?!” she argued with her own heated glare. “You won't even give us a chance!”
"That's the whole point,” I growled. “Now do you have anything else to say that I can ignore or are you finally going to get out of my house?"
Her purple face flushed red with frustration as she threw her hands into the air.
"Ugh!" she cried out and started to angrily walk towards the door.
"You know what, fine! I'll leave since you’re so clearly alright, so at least Pinkie will be happy!” As she reached the door she looked back and me and barked, “I have to agree with Applejack, I have no idea what she sees in you! This is the last time I decide to come here, and don't expect me to ask you for more interesting literature anymore either!"
And with that she…just went through the door and didn’t bother to close it, angrily or otherwise. When the realization that she was finally gone dawned on me, I pumped my fist in the air happily.
“Yes! She’s gone and has given up on me. Finally! Two of Pinkie’s friends down, and two to go…or is it three with whoever this Fluttershy chick is?” I shrugged at that since I hadn’t been introduced to her yet.
Really, getting rid of Rainbow Dash is going to be the hardest before Pinkie finally gets the picture. Flubber shouldn’t be too hard, she doesn’t even talk, but this Fluttershy is a wild card…Oh well.
With one victory down, I returned to my game and once more ran to the fog door.
“Second time’s the charm,” I said in determination as I went to face the cthuloid looking monster.
In the midst of the battle, I blocked out everything but my prey as I dodged, attacked, healed, and repeated.
“Come on…Come on…” I grunted in concentration as it was at the end of its ropes.
“YES!” I cheered in happiness as it finally hit zero and I saw the precious Prey Slaughtered text appeared. “Yes! In your face you giant bast-“
“What is this game?”
“AAAAHHHH!!!” I yelled out in shock and fear once more falling out of my chair and tossing the controller again.
As I fumbled around and tried to still my beating heart I looked behind me to see a very much not pissed off Twilight Sparkle staring at my game with interest. No not interest, she was transfixed as she didn’t even look at my scrambling.
Oh you have got to be kidding me...
“Twilight! What the hell are you doing? I thought you were never coming back and that you hated my guts and stuff?”
My tone seemed to snap her out of it as that anger returned, but barely at the level it was before.
"Ah-ah yes I was! I just…I forgot my backpack,” she said pointing to where it lay from where she’d first dropped it. “I was just going to grab it and leave since you were so absorbed in your game but…that creature you were fighting.”
“What about it?” I asked confused.
“It looked like something based on Lovecraftian Lore,” she said with intrigue.
“Uh, yeah, no duh, that’s kind of the whole premise of Bloodborne,” I said as if it was obvious.
“Fascinating…can you tell me more?” she asked. “If it wouldn’t be a bother?”
I...I don't even know anymore, what is today? You just ran out, I was rid of you. I…
With another sigh I quickly explained the synopsis of Bloodborne and how it was a game where you had to piece together the story yourself, and how it was beyond hard and that dying over and over again was normal. I emphasized this as I ran through several locations, hacking at enemies as I went. She seemed to soak up everything I said like a sponge. I could tell because literally all her anger was gone and replaced with interest and wonderment.
"Interesting...I've never heard of such a concept for a game before.”
“Really? These are from the same guys that made Demon Souls and Dark Souls. Pretty much same mechanics, just without the guns.”
“Yes, well my parents never really let me play the more violent games...or really any games for that matter when I was younger."
…
…
…
"Uh Michael...are you alright?” she asked in concern as I stared at her intently.
"Alright, change of plans,” I said as I quit out of my game and started a new one. “You are going to sit on that couch and you are going to experience this game, understood?"
Twilight seemed surprised at my sudden demand.
"Uh, not to be rude, but we just had an argument and you kept demanding me to leave and you made it quite clear that you don't want to deal with me, so why-"
"Look Sparkle, there are very few things I can't stand in the world. One of those things is meeting someone who has never played a video game. Just saying that sentence makes my skin crawl in disgust at such an inhumane thing. So, in order to make myself feel better, you are going to experience playing this game!"
Twilight just blinked owlishly at my change in tone.
"But I have played video games before, it's just that my parents used to-"
"Na na na, none of that. Sit your butt on that couch and prepare for immense rage and gratification. After this we can go back to hating each other, but right now I have to correct this injustice."
Twilight seemed to be very hesitant to accept my demand, but after a few moments of what was probably an internal debate, and a barely heard whisper of,
“Pinkie would want me too,” she sat down and started the game.
“Alright good. Now, when character customization comes up, it ultimately doesn’t matter since you’ll be covered head to toe in concealing clothing anyway, but it is your character so go nuts.”
And thus, that is how I spent the next couple of hours torturing and teaching Ms. Sparkle in the ways of the Souls-Borne series. And by teaching I mean cracking jokes and making snide remarks whenever she died while giving overly vague hints on how to play the game.
What? I said she was going to experience the game, never said I would be nice about it. Besides I considered it a small amount of payback for her coming into my house without permission anyway.
Besides, I think the whole experience more than made up for all the frustration she caused me. Why, you may ask? Well as it turns out good ol Sparkle, had a bit of a mean streak in her after all.
"OH COME ON! I WAS SO CLOSE TO KILLING IT! AAAAGGGHHH!"
Yup, she was a Rager. Also known as the 'best' kind of gamer to watch play a game made by FromSoft.
"Well, Gascoigne does have a wider range in stage 2. You just gotta dodge better,” I said with a trollish smile to which she sneered at.
"I’m Trying! You know for one of the 'easier' bosses in the game he sure is killing me a lot more than I've damaged him! There must be some secret way to beat this thing that I'm missing!"
"Actually there is,” I said mysteriously and she looked over at me intently.
“Really? What? What is it!?”
“It’s simple really. Git Gud,” I smirked and she groaned in frustration.
“That isn’t helping! Arg!” she whined before putting the controller down and checking her phone.
"Ugh, I need a break to try and come up with a good plan to finally defeat that creature. Maybe something on the internet might he-OH NO I'M LATE FOR DINNER!"
And with that sudden shout Twilight all but jumped off the couch as she started to make a break for the front door, a look of pure panic on her face as she did.
Looking at my own phone I saw that it’d been two hours since she’d started playing.
Dang, guess watching a noob play makes the time go by fast.
I got up from my beanbag and cracked my back as I looked over to the still panicking Twilight, who in her rush seemed to be having trouble putting her boot-shoe things back on, but at least she grabbed her backpack this time.
"Oh I've never been late to dinner before in my life! I can't believe I lost track of time so easily like that! Oh I hope my mom doesn't get too mad at me for this!"
"It’ll be fine. First time offenders tend to get away with this type of stuff. Besides just make up some excuse that you were hanging at one of your friends’ place or something, they don’t need to know you’ve been awakened to M Rated Games."
Twilight’s eyes widened at my suggestion and she looked at me with a sincere smile as she finally slipped her boot shoes back on.
"You’re right Michael! I'll just tell her truth and that I lost track of time is all."
"That's right, a little white lie won't do any da-I'm sorry what now? The truth?" At my confused expression Twilight just chuckled before she opened my front door.
"You heard what I said. Things might have been a little...rough at the beginning when I came over but in the end I had a good time. I am confident when I say that you, Michael, had fun too. And you know what two people who have fun together are called?"
This...this can’t be happening! All that progress did not just-! Don't you dare finish that thought-
"Friends!” she said with an even brighter smile. “And I consider this our first official 'friendly hang-out!'"
Checking her phone again Twilight's eyes became panicked again as she ran out of my house.
"See you at the party Michael! And I hope we can do this again sometime, I will beat that boss!"
Finally finding the energy to use my voice I yelled out to the purple girl,
"WAIT! WE'RE NOT FRIENDS DAMNIT! I WAS JUST DOING A PUBLIC SERVICE!"
My shout went ignored as the purple girl continued to run down the block towards wherever her home was. Feeling a whole new sense of tiredness I gave a hefty sigh before closing my door and looking back at my TV screen where Twilight's character stood, a pale character with blue hair that she’d named Shining Armor, which seemed on the nose to me.
A small part of me was tempted to delete her save in the vain hope that the loss of all her progress would make her stop bothering but...well it goes against the Gamer's Code of Honors. Oath 13: Thou shall not delete, misplace, or abuse a fellow gamer’s save data.
As much as I didn't want to deal with Twilight, not even I could break one of the oaths. So with a heavy sigh I signed out of her character and went back to mine for a few more hours before answering the call of sleep. But not before one small, traitorous thought echoed in my mind.
I guess...I did have some fun. Even if I did screw myself over…God and I was so close too! There’s gotta be a secret I’m missing…
THE NEXT DAY
I was awoken not from an alarm nor the sounds of nature, but by the sound of my troubles made flesh...
"Rise and shine Mikey! It's time to PARRRRTY!" Pinkie Pie shouted, six inches from my face, in my bedroom in the middle of the morning.
At this point, I wasn’t even surprised anymore. I doubted the extra locks and furniture I planned to place in front of my doors would even stop her. She was a nightmare that could not be slain.
Staring into her expectant baby blue eyes I groggily pulled the covers over my face and groaned.
God damn it...today is going to suck isn't it?
Surprise surprise, I wasn't wrong.