//------------------------------// // The Mercenary's Plan // Story: My Little Mages: The Nightmare's Return // by BrassHeart //------------------------------// MY LITTLE MAGES: THE NIGHTMARE'S RETURN THE MERCENARY'S PLAN ~~~~~~ Iron Will stared at the wide river in front of him, the gears in his mind turning. He knew for a fact that the apprentice and her friends were trying to get to the castle, and that in order to get there, they’d have to cross this river. Thus, if he was able to find some way to stop them from crossing the river, he’d win without having to do any fighting himself. Then, he remembered that his employer wanted the apprentice dead. “Iron Will,” Pose. “Wonders if there are any piranhas in this river.” “Piranhas? In my river? Oh, perish the thought!” Iron Will blinked. There was a purple river dragon with slicked back orange hair and a matching mustache rising out of the river nearby. “I’ve been living in this river for the past… oh, two hundred years, and in all that time, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a piranha!” The river dragon said with a voice that did not sound like it belonged to a river dragon. “Oh, but where are my manners. Is there something you need, my muscle-bound friend?” The cogs in Iron Will’s mind came to a conclusion. A brilliant conclusion, one might say. If one was Iron Will. “Iron Will!” Pose. “Would like for you to help him kill some people!” The river dragon stared at him for a moment, jaw slack. Then, he started laughing. “Ohohoho, that’s rich! Me, kill someone? I haven’t heard a suggestion so silly for a hundred years!” The dragon cackled. “So, you don’t kill people?” Iron Will asked. “Of course not! How atrociously barbaric! I wouldn’t kill someone unless I was really, really miffed about something!” The dragon said, wiping a tear from his eye. “Miffed, you say?” Iron Will asked, stroking his chin. “What would have to happen for you to get that miffed?” “Oh, I don’t get miffed very often. I live a very relaxed lifestyle, you see. But I suppose I would get really irked if something was to happen to my mustache!” The river dragon said, stroking the fiery orange hair on his upper lip. A light clicked on in Iron Will’s mind. “Can Iron Will,” Pose. “Tell you a secret?” “Why, of course he can! I’m quite trustworthy!” The river dragon said. “Good,” Iron Will said. He beckoned for the river dragon to lean a little closer with one hand, while he reached for his axe with the other. ~~~~~~ “Oh, bless the Goddess! Water!” Rarity squealed, running ahead of the others to the riverbank. She collected some water with her cupped hands and splashed it in her face, almost moaning with pleasure. “You’re sure we have to cross this, Twilight?” Applejack asked. Twilight nodded. “Positive. Not sure how, though,” She said, rubbing her chin. “Fluttershy, if we find some water grass, do you think you could make it grow into a bridge?” “Maybe. But I don't think it would be strong enough to support us all," “Then, Pinkie Pie…” “No, I don’t keep a rubber raft in my pockets. Not anymore.” “Damn. Rainbow Dash, do you think you could carry us across one at a time?” Twilight asked. The Elementalist tore her eyes away from the Enchantress kneeling on the riverbank. “Uh, no. Probably not,” She said, glancing back at Rarity. “…Could you gimme a minute?” Twilight nodded, and Rainbow Dash tiptoed over to Rarity, a mischievous grin on her face. With one swift kick, she sent the Enchantress tumbling into the water. “Rainbow!” Twilight shouted as Rainbow Dash started howling with laughter. Rarity was flailing in the knee-deep water, and screaming profanities at Rainbow Dash that would have made an experienced sailor shed a single manly tear. “I swear, I couldn’t help it,” Rainbow Dash giggled. Rarity stopped flailing around and stood up, her hair dripping and her dress completely soaked. She clicked her fingers, and her hair magically dried. “You could have helped it,” She said. “You just didn’t…” Her eyes widened, and she glanced down at her feet. “What’s wrong? Lost a shoe?” Rainbow Dash joked. Rarity shook her head, and quickly got out of the water. “I swear I just felt something touch my leg,” She said, regrouping with the others without turning her back on the river. “Maybe it was a fish?” Fluttershy suggested. “I don’t think so. It felt… scaly,” Rarity said. She gasped, and pointed at the water. “There! I just saw something move!” “Fish are scaly,” Fluttershy pointed out, looking for the motion that Rarity had seen. “Maybe that’s what you saw?” “It wasn’t a fish! I’m certain! Maybe it was a…” There was a huge splash of water as a long, purple shape burst out of the water. “ALL SHALL DIE BY THE BURNING CONFLAGRATION OF MY WRATH!” It roared with the guttural voice of a demon. “River dragon!” Fluttershy screamed. “Mustache!” Pinkie screamed, pointing at the thick orange locks of hair springing out of one side of the river dragon’s face. “YOU MOCK MY PAIN?!” The dragon screamed, his eyes shooting full-sized swords. He thrust his head forwards, and let out a pressurized stream of water from his throat. Twilight and her companions were lucky enough to dodge it, and the river dragon didn’t try to follow up on his attack, instead shouting about how mad he was and how he was going to show them that he was mad “Fluttershy, can you talk to him like you did with the bear?” Twilight asked. Fluttershy shook her head. “No! Dragons aren't influenced by Druid magic! Too smart! And... scary,” Fluttershy added under her breath. “Then it looks like we’re going to have to fight!” Twilight said, firing off a basic attack spell. It bounced off the river dragon’s gloriously shining scales and hit the ground at Twilight’s feet. “Okay, that’s not going to work,” Twilight decided. Pinkie Pie cartwheeled forwards to stand at the edge of the river. “Okay, mister meany-beany, try this on for size!” She yelled, fanning out a deck of playing cards. “Pick a card, any card!” The river dragon’s eyes lit up. “Ooh, goody! I do so adore magic tricks!” He squealed. He carefully picked out one of the cards, and brought it up to his face to get a closer look at it. “Your card… is the three of diamonds!” Pinkie Pie announced. The river dragon gasped in shock. “Amazing! How did you know?” He asked, handing the card back to Pinkie. The Trickster winked at him. “A true magician never reveals her secrets!” She said. “Oh, okay,” The river dragon said. He flicked Pinkie Pie away, and went back to roaring about his anger. “Well, I’m out of ideas!” Pinkie said, hopping back up without a trace of injury. Applejack rolled her neck in preparation. “Looks like I’m gonna have t’ get my hands dirty,” She said, stepping towards the riverbank without a care in the world. She bent down and picked up a rock, tossing it at the dragon to grab its attention. It bounced off the dragon’s snout, and the dragon glared angrily at Applejack, who was spreading her arms out in invitation. “Eat me, ya ugly garden snake!” She taunted. The dragon’s eyes widened. “…Did you just call me ugly?” He asked. “BITCH, I’M FABULOUS!” He lunged with an open mouth, preparing to eat the morsel who had dared to insult his personal appearance. Applejack grinned, and easily stepped out of the dragon’s way, letting him get a mouthful of dirt. She gripped her sword with both hands, and with one swing, it was over. The dragon’s mustache fell to the ground. “Consarnit, I missed!” Applejack cursed. The river dragon wordlessly lifted his head, staring in shock at the orange hair on the ground. “My… my mustache…” He said mournfully, picking up the hair as if it was a child. “You… you ruined all that I had left of my mustache!” He started crying like a child, thrashing around as he wailed. “It took me centuries to grow this glorious handlebar! Centuries, I tell you! And you… you and that stupid brute destroyed it!” “Uh, sorry?” Applejack said, not sure if she should feel apologetic or not. “For what its worth, I was aimin’ for your throat.” “Well, what’s stopping you?!” The dragon whined, laying his head on the riverbank next to Applejack, throat up. “You might as well just kill me now! I wouldn’t dare go through life looking so… horrid! Just… just make it quick and painless! Right here!” He drew a line across his throat, outlining where Applejack should cut him. Applejack looked at Twilight for guidance. Twilight shrugged, being just as lost for words as Applejack. “Applejack, you should feel ashamed of yourself!” Rarity said, smacking the back of the Paladin’s head. “Being so cruel to this handsome dragon! I never would have taken you for such a bully!” “I wasn’t tryin’ to cut his dumb half-a-‘stache off!” Applejack said defensively. The dragon gasped, and stared at Applejack with tearful eyes. “My… my mustache… is dumb?” He repeated, bottom lip quivering. “Oh, now look what you’ve done,” Rarity said, shaking her head at Applejack. “Haven’t you done enough damage?” She shoved the Paladin away, and knelt next to the sobbing river dragon. “I’m so sorry for what my friend here said to you. But you really shouldn’t take what she said to heart – she wouldn’t know good fashion if it took her on a nice dinner date.” The dragon chortled through his tears. “Oh, you’re right! I mean, really, wearing red leather with bronze armor? Ugh, so tacky!” “I know! And from what I’ve heard, she cuts her own hair with her sword!” Rarity giggled. Applejack scowled at her. The dragon righted himself, and started fussing with his own hair. “Clearly the poor girl has no experience with proper hair care. I’ve been cutting my own hair for centuries!” He said proudly, tossing his head. “It looks positively marvelous, darling,” Rarity said. “And your scales… oh, what have you been doing to make them so lustrous?” “A diet of river pearls works wonders on scales, dearie. I grow them myself,” The dragon said. “It certainly shows,” Rarity said. “But it’s all for naught without that glorious mustache.” The dragon started sobbing again, burying his face in his claws. “Oh, you’re right! Whatever am I going to do?” He cried. Rarity cracked her knuckles in preparation. “I can fix this,” She said. “By my word as a fashionista, I shall not allow this crime against fabulosity to go uncorrected! What is your name?” “In the tongue of dragons, I am Stvenmgnyt,” The dragon said. “But you may call me ‘Steven’.” “Alright, Steven. Lie down. I shall fix this if it is the last thing I do,” Rarity said. Steven did as he was told, laying his head next to Rarity. The Enchantress plucked a long, purple scale from his neck, making Steven wince in pain. “Wh-what are you going to do with that?” Steven asked fearfully. “Just close your eyes and think peaceful thoughts,” Rarity said. “It will all be over quickly.” “My personal appearance is in your hands,” Steven whimpered, covering his eyes. Rarity lifted the purple scale up over her head like a dagger, biting her lip and clenching her eyes. Without giving herself time to hesitate, she made one clean cut. The others gasped as they realized what Rarity had just done. “I… I don’t believe it,” Rainbow Dash said, covering her mouth in horror. “Land’s sakes… I didn’t think she had it in her,” Applejack said, putting a hand over her heart in respect. “This… is THE weirdest hallucination I’ve ever had!” Pinkie concluded gleefully. “Oh… oh my,” Fluttershy said. “What’s the big deal?” Twilight asked. “She just cut her hair.” “Some silence would be appreciated!” Rarity called out, holding the wavy mass of violet hair in one hand. “I must concentrate.” Rarity went to work. She divided the length of curling violet hair into two equal halves, and held one half in each hand. She pressed their ends on both sides of Steven’s snout, where his mustache had been, and hummed in concentration. There was a short flash, and when she removed her hands, her hair had fused to Steven’s scales. “What happened? Can I look now?” Steven asked. “Not yet, dear. I just need to make a few finishing touches,” Rarity said, brushing her fingers through Steven’s new mustache. With each brush of her hand, the hair slowly changed color, until it had turned from violet to the same orange as Steven’s hair. When she was done, Steven’s mustache was as good as new, if a bit curlier than the original. “You can open your eyes now,” Rarity said. Steven slowly cracked one eye open, and gasped in awe. “My mustache! And it looks glorious!” He cried, running a claw through the curly orange mustache. “But how did you manage to… oh, by the Goddess’s two-in-one shampoo and conditioner!” “What, this?” Rarity said, gesturing to her freshly cut hair, which now only reached her shoulders. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Short hair is ‘in’ this season, after all.” “You gave up your own hair so that you could fix mine… Oh, clearly you are no simple fashionista! You must be the Goddess walking in the company of mortals!” Steven cried, raising his claws to the heavens. “If there’s any way I can possibly repay you for this…” “Tut tut tut! No need to repay me, darling. I enjoy working pro bono,” Rarity said. “Oh, but I refuse to allow such a generous act to go unrewarded! Perhaps I could… say…” Steven looked over at the opposite side of the river. “…Help you cross the river?” “Would you do that?” Rarity asked. Steven nodded, stretching out his serpentine body to make a clear bridge from one side of the river to the other. “It would be my pleasure!” He said, bowing his head to Rarity. “Come, the other shore beckons you!” “You are too kind,” Rarity said, stepping onto Steven’s back and walking across it. Applejack carefully followed her, noticing that Steven was still glaring at her. Rainbow Dash chose to fly over the river instead, and Fluttershy ended up needing some coaxing from Pinkie Pie to be willing to get anywhere near Steven. Twilight brought up the rear, following Pinkie as she held the screaming Druid above her head like a trophy. “Again, thank you ever so much for your help, and I apologize for my horrid behavior earlier,” Steven said to Rarity when all six mages had reached the other side of the river. “It’s perfectly alright. I’m certain that anyone would act the same way if their hair was forcibly ruined,” Rarity said. “Your forgiveness knows no bounds, my lady,” Steven said, bowing his head. “But… that said, I must ask for a small favor.” “Of course. What is it?” Rarity asked. Steven’s eyes narrowed. “I want you to find the man who cut off my mustache, and make him pay,” Steven said. He held out the sharp purple scale that Rarity had used to cut her hair. “Please, use this scale and exact vengeance on my behalf.” Rarity nodded, and accepted the scale, tucking it into her dress. “Describe him for me,” She said, her voice as hard as stone. “Oh, bless your soul,” Steven said. “He was large, very large, and he had more muscles than he knew what to do with. His hair looked like a pair of horns – quite a striking hairstyle, now that I think about it – and he used a huge axe to… to…” “I understand,” Rarity said, nodding. “Should I happen to find him…” Her eyes narrowed, and her face took on an expression that would send chills down a normal human’s spine. “…I will make him pay for the destruction of your mustache.” Steven’s bottom lip started to quiver. “Thank you,” He said tearfully, wiping away a tear from the corner of his eye. “And may the Goddess smile upon your quest.” ~~~~~~ “IIIIIRRON WWWWIIILL!” The mercenary bellowed as he strode into the castle, “IS IN THE BUILDING!” “Never would have fucking guessed,” Nightshade grumbled from her perch up above. “Is the apprentice taken care of?” The Grand Master asked, materializing out of the shadows behind Iron Will. “Indubitably!” Iron Will said, flexing his massive biceps. “Iron Will enlisted a river dragon to squash those pesky mages like overripe tomatoes in a food fight!” “River dragon?” Roh-Ver said, popping out of a hole in the ground. “River dragon!” Iron Will crowed, striking a pose. “A LEAN! MEAN! KILLIN’ MACHINE!” “Are you talking about Stvenmgnyt?” Roh-Ver asked. “The only river dragon that couldn’t hurt a fly?” “He is vicious! You should have seen how he acted after Iron Will!” Pose. “Cut off half his goofy mustache!” Roh-Ver stared at Iron Will with wide eyes and open mouth. “You… cut off his mustache?” “Ohhhhh yyyyyeeaaahh.” “…You monster.” “Enough,” The Grand Master said, silencing both of them. “Iron Will, is the apprentice dead or not?” “Uh…” Iron Will rubbed the back of his head. “Maybe? Iron Will!” Pose. “Didn’t stick around after the dragon went ballistic.” The Grand Master groaned, massaging his temples. “What part of ‘make sure she’s dead’ is so hard for you simpletons to understand? In all my years, I have never seen so many people act so incompetently. It’s almost astounding.” “So, what, is it my turn yet?” Nightshade asked from her perch. The Grand Master shook his head. “No. Honestly, I should have done this in the beginning,” He said, grumbling under his breath as he stalked out of the castle. “If you want something done, do it yourself.”