It's A Screwed Up Life

by Autum Breeze


Cheese Legs, You Are SO Lucky I Encountered that Alternate You

Cheese Legs, You Are SO Lucky I Encountered that Alternate You

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“You know whenever ponies talk about powerful magic, I’m always left out,” Discord says as we appear atop Trixie’s wagon, him knitting an Angel Bunny plushie whilst I’m knitting a Spoiled one with pins in its rumb. He lifts his nose. “If I weren’t so evolved I’d start to take it personally.”

So, I still have no actual idea what’s going on in Equestria yet. After I returned to CHS with the rest of the gang once camp was over, I went straight through the portal, only to find myself teleported to Discord’s Chaos Realm.

He wanted to know why he’d gotten a shiver a while ago, the time seeming to match up with when the Equestria Girls Elements of Harmony were given to the girls.

He was suddenly rather glad I’d locked him out of that world. He knows it’s hard enough for him to have fun here in Equestria without the Elements being able to stop him (it seems he, like the show, keeps forgetting about the Rainbow Power connection the Bearers now have with the Elements), so a world where they’re still in play would be even tougher for him to mess around in without consequences.

After we were done, he said he wanted to speak with Twilight about something, despite it being the middle of the freaking night and teleported us here to her castle… only for us to find such an unusual trio gathered outside it: Starlight, Trixie and Thorax.

“Well, isn’t this quite the combination of secondary characters?” Discord smiles down at the trio, pointing at each with one of the knitting needles. He looks back at his work, before looking back at them with an eyebrow raised. “Where’re Twilight and the girls?”

I cock an eyebrow at him. They’d… be in bed, like I should be.

The trio looks at us blankly, before Starlight narrows her eyes. “First, how do we know you’re really you?”

That’s an… interesting why to phrase that question… and is suddenly making me curious if a certain bug pony could be the reason for such a question.

Discord answers the question simply by snapping his talon, causing the ground to turn to soap suds, several flowers to start dancing the tango and a nearby tree turning into a cuckoo clock with a squirrel in place of the bird.

Discord smiles snidely down at them, lazily lying on his stomach, his head propped up by his arms. “Shall I continue?”

“And to prove I’m me,” I shift my hoof into a hand and snap my fingers, returning everything to normal.

Starlight nods, giving Discord a quick annoyed look, before speaking firmly. “Chrysalis and the Changelings are back.” Wow. I was right. “They’ve poninaped all the most powerful ponies in Equestria. Celestia, Luna and her daughter, Cadance, Shining Armour, Flurryheart, Twilight and the others—”

At once, the mood changes. At first, Discord was looking bored, but the moment Starlight says Twilight and the others were taken, his eyes widen and the air grows colder, before he’s right in Starlight’s face, a very dark expression on his own.

“They took Fluttershy?!”

“Yes!” Starlight says urgently.

Where?” he snarls, his eyes glowing with malice.

Oh, shit. Man, I thought Cheese Leg could get off easy since I worked out my frustrations on her with that alternate her from the Changeling Timeline, but Discord looks ready to kill somebody.

Well, it was nice knowing you, Cheese Legs.

Before Starlight can get much more out aside from them all being taken to the Changeling Kingdom, Discord has teleported us to a random clearing somewhere in Equestria, with all of us now sporting rucksacks and clothing fit for an adventure.

Discord looks around, confused. “Odd. I was trying to take as straight to Fluttershy,” he lifts a boulder and lowers his head, his eyes stretching out and moving back and forth along the ground, “but there is no Fluttershy.”

Trixie gives a quivering gasp, pointing. “I think I have a pretty good idea where she might be.”

We turn to follow her hoof to see… The Outlands from the Lion King 2? Okay. Not exactly how I’d have pictured the Changeling Kingdom to look.

Thorax shudders. “I hoped I’d never see this place again.”

“Can’t say I blame you,” I fold my forehooves. “That look is so 1998.”

The others all look quizzically at me, even Discord looks puzzled.

“What?” I shrug.

Discord looks back towards the Changeling Kingdom, frowning in confusion. “Oh, that’s so strange. We’re here,” he points to the ground, “and that’s there,” he points to the area before us. “And I clearly meant for us to be there and not here.”

“Oh, I-I can probably explain—” Thorax timidly tries to say.

“Oh well!” Discord says loudly, cracking his fingers. “If it at first you don’t succeed.”

He moves to snap his lion paw, but is stopped when Starlight grabs it in her magic. “Maybe we should come up with a plan first?”

Discord blows off her magic, before giving her a quizzical look. “A what?”

“You know, figuring out the best way to do something before you actually do it?” Trixie says snarkily.

Yeah. You’ve planned things before Discord. Your taking over Equestria a thousand plus years back, your attempt to retake it again by making Twilight and the others the opposite of their Element to destroy their friendship, proving Twilight sees your friendship as important by pretending to be sick. You’ve planned lots before, how do you not know what a plan is?

He laughs, before patting her hat. “Oh ho-ho-ho. That’s adorable. But, you see, unlike you, I can do anything.”

“Actually—” Thorax tries again, clearly having something important he knows about his former home that could be important for us to know, before the other male in our group silences him with a finger over the mouth.

“That’s all very nice, but really a waste of time,” Discord smiles, waving off any explanations. “We have me. Not to mention my own daughter and what else could we possibly need?”

Thank you for remembering me, DD, but I think I understand why we didn’t teleport into the kingdom itself.

While he’s been prattling on, I’ve scanned the area and found my magic doesn’t reach beyond just a few feet away and, upon further inspection, I’ve realized this is where I sensed my magic stopping back when I first went looking for Cheese Legs after she ditched the Empire.

I think Thorax has a good explanation for this we could plan around if you’d just shut up for a few seconds.

“A draconequus with magic and half a brain might help.” Damn. Trixie, you spitting fire today. But how are you so confident against DD when he’s way more powerful than you and could literally turn you to mush with but a thought?

Discord leans down to her level, laying on his stomach. “Why are you here again?” You’re the one who teleported her here with us, don’t you know? “I mean, it’s not like you’re going to stop the changelings by pulling a rabbit out of a hat.” As he says this, he takes off her hat and pulls another Trixie out, stopping at her head. Wait, is that the Equestria Girls Trixie or just a double of Trixie? “At least my magic can do something.”

“The thing about magic here is—” Thorax starts.

“Like this!” Discord calls out, snapping his fingers, before there’s a large flash and he’s dressed in knight armour, riding atop a pig with wings. “For Fluttershy!” he calls triumphantly, the pig starting to fly, but vanishing the moment it passing where my magic can’t sense beyond.

Discord yells in alarm as he falls down, barely grabbing the edge of the hill. He climbs back up, frowning and snaps his fingers, another flying pig appearing and flying to the border and vanishing once it passes.

“I’ve been trying to tell you!” Thorax says in an exasperated tone. “Nothing other than changeling magic works here. Chrysalis’ throne is carved from an ancient dark stone that soaks up outside magic the same way Changelings soak up love. It’s how she keeps the hive safe.”

Huh. Okay, gotta hand it to Cheese Legs, that’s a good defence for her kingdom. Now I see why the Changelings haven’t been wiped out despite their rulers usual lack of reason when enacting her plans.

Starlight tests Thorax’s word, walking to the very edge of the border with her horn glowing. The moment it passes the edge of the ground, her magic fizzles out.

“So, uh, what kind of plan were you thinking?” Trixie asks the other mare.

Starlight looks down in worry. “Without magic, I have no idea. But,” she sighs, before looking to us, “nopony else is coming. So somepony better come up with something.”

I glance around and it’s clear the other three have no plans. Not that there really is much of a plan you could make. To stand a chance against the Changelings in their own kingdom when they can use magic and you can’t, you’d need something powerful that doesn’t rely on magic— OH!

Starlight looks around anxiously at us. “Anypony? Anything?”

“Hmm.” I frown, thinking, before a lightbulb goes off atop my head and I look to Thorax. “This throne – if one got into the hive and destroyed it, can we get our magic back?

Thorax nods. “Uh-huh!”

Discord scoffs. “Well, that’s a terrible plan. How are we even supposed to get to the hive?”

“We walk,” Trixie says as she, Starlight and Thorax start walking down the side of the hill.

Discord looks ahead, before grabbing his face and stretching his eye lids. “I haven’t walked that far in a millennia!”

“Which makes me so glad I’m not coming with you right away,” I say, doing an about turn.

“What?” Discord looks to me in shock. “You, of all ponies, aren’t going to go after Chrysalis? After all the times you’ve bad mouthed her all these years?”

I shrug. “I got over it thanks to Starlight. Besides, if Changelings have replaced all the most powerful ponies, somepony’s gotta fix that, right?” I blink, before looking to Thorax. “How’re the other Changelings doing?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Thorax says reassuringly. “Sunburst was helping them hide when I left. They’ll be safe.”

I nod. “Good. Don’t worry,” I turn my hooves into hands and crack them. “I’ll join you guys once I’ve settled things back in Equestria. Shouldn’t take me too long.”

___________________________________________________________

Discord watched as the horde of Changelings he’d out witted flew off, waving to them.

“It is certainly a pleasure to have such dedicated fans,” he jested. “I’ll have to come back with some new material after I rescue Fluttershy.”

“Please, help!” a familiar voice suddenly whispered from not too far off.

Discord’s eyes widened. “Fluttershy!”

He hurried through an alcove into a room full of what looked like eggs, maybe. Either that or pods filled with the Changelings’ victims. He decided it was probably better he not know.

Looking around the chamber, he spotted Fluttershy, her wing pinned down by a boulder.

She looked up and saw him, her eyes lighting up. “Discord!” she indicated to her wing. “I’m stuck!”

“You certainly are,” he said, moving forward, reaching out to help her get her wing free. “And I should probably help you get free. But...” he paused, before shaking his head. “Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho...”

Fluttershy looks confusedly at him. “But what?”

He thrust a finger at her. “But you are obviously not Fluttershy!”

Fluttershy looked down, her ears folding back. “Oh.”

Discord rolled his eyes. “I mean, I’m separated from the group and just happen to come across the one pony I care most about?” he folded his arms, giving a very disapproving look. “I can smell this setup a mile away.”

Fluttershy sniffed and started crying. “No. You’re right. There’s no way you should trust me. Just go find the others.” She then wailed, “I understand!”

Discord rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on!”

Suddenly he could hear the sound of her crying in stereo and looked around to see he was surrounded by multiple Fluttershys, all sobbing, wailing and begging him to believe that they were the real Fluttershy.

“We’re probably all changelings,” the first Fluttershy sobbed. “You shouldn’t rescue any of us.” Then she gave a devilish smirk. “Unless, you think, maybe one of us might be the real Fluttershy. Oh, that certainly would be a nasty Changeling trick, wouldn’t it?”

Discord looked around at the many, many Fluttershys in the chamber, all sobbing, begging and pleading with him that they were each the real Fluttershy.

His brain started to go into shutdown. He had no magic, so he couldn’t sense whether or not the real one was among these fakes and if he left her behind just because he wasn’t willing to take a risk when she was indeed among them all, he’d be a horrible friend and she’d never forgive him and if she never forgave him he’d lose his first and closest friend and—

The Fluttershy before him snickered, before yelling, “Now!” all the Fluttershys leaping at him, reverting back to Changelings, revealing not a single one was the real Fluttershy.

Strike Vent! A loud metallic voice said from somewhere.

Before Discord knew what was going on, a large, long red dragon surged into the room, knocking many of the Changelings aside, before it turned around and went back towards the entrance.

His head followed it and he saw a small figure dressed in some kind of red and silver armour with a dragon style to the helmet and what looked like the top of a dragon head with yellow eyes above its left wrist. Around its waist was a belt with a red dragon head symbol with black eyes on the front.

The figure pulled their left wrist back before thrusting it forward, the dragon, which was hanging close to them, opened its maw and unleashed a storm of fire, sending Changelings flying and fleeing for their lives.

Discord just stood there, staring at the now empty room and its new occupant.

“Honestly,” a familiar voice said from behind the glowing red eyes of the helmet, “I can’t leave you guys alone for even a few minutes.”

He blinked. “Screwball?”

The figure nodded. “Yep.”

“But, you’ve got hands!” he pointed to the gloved hands.

They looked down at said appendages, before chuckling. “Cool, huh? The belt has this inbuilt function that automatically turns my hooves into hands. Can’t wait to talk with the guy who actually made this thing.”

Suddenly, a loud buzzing came from nearby and Discord wilted. “Oh no. Those must be the guards I lost before. They must’ve heard the commotion and are coming back!”

Screwball just chuckled. “Good. Gives me a chance to try this out.”

She reached into her belt and pulled out a card with the dragon head symbol that was on the belt, with the background behind it being yellow and with lines moving out from the head.

She pushed the back of the head of the dragon on her wrist forward, slipping the card inside, before returning it to its original position, the metallic voice from earlier speaking again, this time saying Final Lance!

Discord watched, his mouth open as the Changelings rounded the corner and came face to with Screwball. The red dragon had returned and circled her once, before she and it rose into the air, Screwball then shifting her body so her right leg was aimed down in a kick and, as gravity took effect on her, the dragon spewed fire, surrounding her.

“YAH!” she yelled, slamming into the room’s new occupants, who were all sent flying back in an explosion upon her armoured hoof making contact with the lead Changeling, causing them to crash through the wall and several more.

Screwball landed and heaved a breathe, giggling. “Oh, yeah. That was cool.”

“But, how did you do that?” Discord asked, stunned. “We can’t use our magic here.”

“It’s not magic,” Screwball chuckled, cricking her neck. “Well, not in the general sense, anyway, so it still works here.” She put her fist in her other hand and Discord could tell she was smirking underneath that helmet. “Cheese Legs has no idea what’s in store. When it comes to what this belt can do, you ain’t seen nuthin’ yet.”

___________________________________________________________

“We can’t wait for Discord,” Thorax whispers, looking to Trixie and Starlight. “Between seeing him and Trixie, the castle will be crawling with guards soon.”

“But if we do manage to destroy Chrysalis’ throne, we’ll need him,” Starlight reminds him. “He could take on the entire Changeling army by sneezing if he wanted to.”

“He’s probably already been captured!” Trixie quietly screamed at them.

“Your lack of faith is so reassuring.” The three jumps as the draconequus they’re talking about supposedly walks through the entrance to the hall they’re in.

“Klutzy?” Starlight asks, eyebrow raised.

He pouts, folding his arms, grumbling. “Draconequus.”

I burst out in laughter, startling the other three as they look around wildly, trying to see the source of my laughter. “That’s the code? Oh, DD, that is too priceless!”

He rolls his eyes. “Yes, yes. Ha ha. Very funny. Now show yourself, will you?”

Before their eyes, I appear, now wearing my Decade Armour.

Starlight blinks, before frowning. “Screwball?”

The Armour splits away from me, dematerializing, leaving only the belt around my waist as I stand upright, my forehooves still hands and I give a two fingered salute. “Yo.”

She narrows her eyes. “How do we know it’s really you and not just a Changeling pretending to be you?”

I fold my arms. “Would a Changeling have stopped a horde of other Changelings from capturing Discord so they could send an imposter of him to lead you down into a trap?”

She thinks for a moment, before frowning again. “Wouldn’t the same thing about leading into a trap apply to you?”

“I Pinkie Promise I’m the real Screwball,” I say, doing the motions. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Starlight frowns for a few more moments, before nodding. “Okay. You’re you. No one in their right mind would make a Pinkie Promise they intended to break seconds later.”

“Wh-what did you just do?” Thorax is staring at me, his mouth hanging open. “Only Changeling magic works here. And if you’re not a Changeling, you shouldn’t be able to use magic.”

“It’s this belt,” I pat the black metal item around my waist. “A future version of me gave it to me a while back. It doesn’t rely on magic in the same sense as everything else, so it works here. Pretty sweet, huh?”

“So, you had that this whole time, but didn’t use it til now?!” Trixie asks, looking quite angry.

I shrug. “Hey. I had to deal with the Changelings that replaced Luna, her daughter and Celestia, Cadance, her husband and daughter, Sunburst, as well as Twilight and the gang. Not to mention finding the other good Changelings in the Empire and keeping all of Equestria from losing its shit once everypony learned their rulers were all abducted.”

“So,” Discord says, indicating ahead of us, “shall we proceed?”

Starlight smirks. “With Screwball as our trump card? Sure.”

“Queen Chrysalis won’t know what hit her!” Thorax cheers.

We make our way to way further in for a few minutes, before Thorax halts us, gulping.

“Just in there,” he points. “The throne room is that way. But…”

Trixie glances around the corner too, before pulled back and hugging the wall, her expression of pure terror. “There’s got to be at least fifty Changelings in there. How’re we supposed to get past them all?”

I cock an eyebrow, my arms folded. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

I step back, reaching into the belt and pull out my Decade card, followed by an engine revving sound.

“This should be interesting,” Starlight says, watching me curiously.

“Henshin!” I say firmly, swishing the card into the belt and slamming it.

Kamen Rider: Decade! the deep Neighponese voice says, symbols all of the past nine Riders appearing around me, before zooming into me and the Decade Armour appears, turning pink.

“It’s gotta be fate this thing is pink,” I say, before cricking my next and walking into the room.

The changelings all turn as I walk in and snarl, lunging forward.

I pull out a card and slam in the belt and I sigh. “Too bad I have used the attack card before.”

Kamen Rider: Kabuto!

The translucent shape of different armour surrounds me, before I shine and am now wearing maroon armour with a more beetle style to it, the helmet being topped by a large beatle horn.

The Changelings pause, before charging again.

I sigh, pulling out a card before slamming it into the belt. Attack ride: Clock up!

At once, time slows down around me, the horde of Changelings seeming to move through the air like they’re moving through thick molasses.

I charge forward, kicking, punching, doing uppercuts and sidekicks, knocking aside each one, before disengaging the ability. Time returns to normal and the horde go flying off, slamming into walls, the ground and disappearing through other tunnels.

The rest of the group cautiously come out and gape when they see the scene before them of Changelings strewn about the area, myself just standing in the middle, dusting my hands, my armour returning to Decade.

“Shame. I had to use Clock Up just to get here in time after reaching the border so had to actually go Kabuto to use it again. Now I’ll have to wait.”

“Huh?” Trixie asks.

I point to the belt. “There are limits to this thing. Normally, I can only use each power once per Decade transformation, but can do it again if I take on the form of the original Rider the power comes from. Plus, once I’ve powered down completely, I have to wait at least an hour or so before the main powers fully recharge. But, it shouldn’t take that long. So, throne room?”

They nod and we head on through, Thorax leading the way.

It’s a pretty barren room, to be honest. Aside from the giant black throne towards the back of the room, there’s nothing really here.

“Bleah!”

We all pause and look back at Trixie, who was lagging behind us. She’s shaking off some green gooey substance that fell on her hat.

Wait… where did that come from?

We all slowly look up… and I’m glad no one can see me right now, because I just pissed in my armour.

Upon the ceiling are multiple pods, holding each of the captured ponies and dragon in a fluid. The creepiest part though is they occasionally slightly open their eyes with a blank expression on their faces, before closing them again.

“Well, well, well. Isn’t this an interesting sight?”

We all dart our heads back and forth at the sound of the voice, before returning our gazes upwards as the Changeling Queen walks out from behind several of the pods like a spider, her head upside down… which she then twists to be facing upright as if she were an owl, but with cracking sounds.

I lean over; hand over the mouth area of my helmet as I try not to throw up. Seriously, that’s just creepy and gross.

“Two ponies, a depowered Lord of Chaos, some foolish shrimp in a costume and… Thorax,” she ends her sentence with a hiss, but a sinister smile. “I’ve been so looking forward to making you pay for betraying the Hive!”

The others are looking up at her in fear, especially Thorax… aside from Trixie, who just has a puzzled expression.

“Why is she doing a deeper version of my voice?”

The others pause, looking to her, the queen, then frowning as they seem to think about it.

I shrug. “That’s what she sounds like without the echoing effects she used for intimidation back at Cadance and Shining Armour’s wedding, but she gave it up once her ass got whoop.”

Cheese Leg looks angry at both being reminded of her past failure and being ignored, before her eyes narrow in confusion. “Wait. Is that your wretched offspring in there, Discord?”

Discord nods, before folding his arms and smirking. “Indeed.”

Cheese Legs then sneers. “Oh, this is too perfect. The wretched creature who held my life in her hooves is now powerless before me and wearing some silly pink armour to hide her fear.”

I put my hands behind my head. “Fear? You? Please. As if.” I then fold my arms, cocking my head. “Actually the pink armour should’ve been a dead giveaway to you, now that I think about it. Aside from Pinkie Pie, who else uses a pink aesthetic more than me? You’re obliviousness to that is honestly pretty pathetic, Cheese Legs.”

She snarls. “Even now, when you’re powerless, you still have the gall to address me by that name? Drones! Surround and capture them all!”

At once, hordes of Changelings come crawling from holes in the walls or dropping down from the ceiling, surrounding us on all sides.

“Uh, Screwball, now might be a good time for you to do your thing,” Starlight says nervously.

I nod, turning to look at the Changeling Queen, chuckling. “You say we’re powerless? Well, then…”

I pull out a card and slam it into the belt. Attack ride: Illusion!

I shine with pink light, which leaps to the other four in our group, who all take on my appearance and size.

“HUH?” everyone in the room cries, turning to me.

I laugh. “Can’t fight five of me at once, can you? Come on, guys, let’s give ‘em hell!”

I charge into the horde and start throwing kicks and punches while the Changelings are still trying to process what’s going on.

“I dunno exactly what’s going on,” Starlight says, sounding just like me, “but let’s do this!”

“Yeah!” Discord and Trixie yell, also both sounding like me, punching the air, as the three charge into the battle, joining me in kicking Changeling ass.

“I-I dunno…” Thorax says, backing away, but is stopped by several Changelings. On instinct, he throws several punches and kicks, knocking them all aside. “Uh…” he says, confused, before giving a confident grunt. “Okay. Let’s do this!”

How are they fighting so skillfully, you ask? Easy. It’s the power of the Illusion Card. It’s allowing me to share my Kamen Rider powers and the fighting skills of Decade with them for as long as the card is active.

Cheese Legs just watches on, her mouth open and her right eye twitching as we’re just pummelling all her army. Five creatures, with no magic, wiping out her whole army with just punches and kicks. Man, that has gotta sting.

After a few minutes, all the Changelings that entered the room are laying on the floor, groaning in pain from the brushes we gave of them.

I disengage Illusion and the others return to normal.

We all just stand in the middle of her beaten army, Trixie smirking, Discord looking impressed, Starlight curious, Thorax with astonishment and myself pure, smug joy.

Cheese Legs is just staring, her eye twitching erratically, clearly not processing what she literally just saw happen with her own two eyes.

“Now, are you going to let everypony go, or are we going to have to get physical, Cheese Legs?” I ask, cocking my head to the side.

She snarls, before her horn glows.

At once, pink lines of light start flowing from all the pods both above and around us. The pink light enters all the downed Changelings, who start getting up, looking more than ready for round two.

“It’s love!” Thorax says in alarm. “It’s the love of all the prisoners for their families and friends. The Hive are using it to replenish themselves. With the number of them, it could take ages to take all the Hive down!”

“Please tell me you have another power like that one you just used?” Starlight looks to me.

I shake my head, before looking firmly towards the Changeling Queen. “What exactly is your plan, Cheese Legs? What was the point of all this?”

She smirks down at me. “I see your mind is sharper than I give you credit, abomination. And clearly Thorax revealed to you the secret of my throne. I can’t have powerful ponies using their abilities against me. Even with your rather embarrassing little rescue attempt, everything has gone according to my plan.”

“Like Screwball said, what plan?” Starlight asks in exasperation. “Why did you do all this?!”

The Queen sneers, getting up and startling to walk down from her throne towards us. “So I could feed, of course! By replacing the most beloved figures in Equestria, my drones will be able to store all the love meant for them and return it here to me. Everypony will do as I command, and my subjects and I will feed on their love for generations!”

The rest of the Changelings hiss at us.

I deadpan under my helmet. “The sun and moon.”

She pauses, looking cocking an eyebrow. “Huh?”

I just put a hand to my head as if I were rubbing my temples. “Celestia and Luna. They control the sun and moon.”

Cheese Legs smirks. “Yes. And even with their powerful connections to those orbs, I still have them captured.” She points up at the pods.

I growl in exasperation. “Then who is going to keep the sun and moon moving?!”

She pauses again, looking actually confused now. “Come again?”

I point upwards. “Aside from Discord and myself when we’re not here in your kingdom, Celestia and Luna are the only beings in existence who can keep the cycle of day and night going! Doesn’t matter how much love the impostors you put in their place gain from Equestria’s populace, it wouldn’t be enough to raise and lower the sun and moon each and every day! There wouldn’t be generations of ponies for your Changelings to feed off of because everything would be dead in less than ten years! Are you so fucking stupid you never even took that into consideration?! Not once?!”

There’s a long pause, where she looks around as if expecting someone else to answer.

My shoulders slump, my tone flat. “Oh, Sweet Celestia, you really are that stupid.”

“I… I am the Queen! I do not make mistakes!” Cheese Legs snarls, stamping a hoof. “I’m certain several Changelings working together could do it.”

“And die from using up all their magic permanently and being physically unable to feed on love anymore,” I mutter.

Starlight looks around, before her eyes pause on our Changeling ally. “What if you didn’t have to? Feed, that is.”

Cheese Legs’ smirk vanishes, replaced with a snarl. “Ridiculous! The hunger of Changelings can never be satisfied!”

I make a sound like a buzzer with my voice. “Wrong.”

“Exactly!” Starlight nods. “Thorax left the hive and made a friend. He shared love, and now he doesn’t need to feed.” She looks around at the other Changelings. “You don’t have to live your lives starving all the time!”

That touches a chord with them, clearly remembering their time in the Empire and they all look away, not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes, likely so their Queen doesn’t realize they don’t agree with her.

Cheese Legs’ snarl grows more savage. “You know nothing of the Changelings or what it takes to be their queen! I decide what is best for my subjects, not some mewling grub!”

“And doing a pretty shit job of it, if you ask me,” I whisper loudly to Trixie, who doesn’t try very hard to hide her snicker.

Starlight looks around at the other Changelings. “I know what it’s like to lead by fear and intimidation! And I know what it’s like to want everypony to do what you say!” she takes a deep breathe, then looks firmly around at everyone. “But I was wrong. A real leader doesn’t force her subjects to deny who they are! She celebrates what makes them unique and listens when one of them finds a better way!

Cheese Legs scoffs, starting to walk towards us again. “The only thing Thorax has found is what happens to those who turn their back on the hive! And I will deal with all of you just as soon as I drain every last ounce of love from him and show my subjects what a real leader is—!

“Yeah, no,” I say, quickly slamming a card into the belt.

Attack ride: Blast!

I grab the white deck on my belt and holding it up, it now shifted into the shape of a blaster/deck box combo and fire three shots. They fly passed Cheese Legs’ head, causing her to freeze in place and they continue through the back wall, the holes sealing up a few seconds later.

I aim the blaster’s barrel right between her eyes. “Those were warning shots.”

“A stalemate then,” she says, glaring back at me, before smirking. “I can wait. I have a feeling those powers you’re using, whatever they are, must have a time limit.”

Starlight looks around frantically, before her eyes seem to fall on Thorax wings. “You can do something!”

“Huh?” Thorax stares at her like she’s gone made. “Wh-what in the world can I do? I’m just a drone.”

“Sharing love is what made you different to begin with! You should share yours with Chrysalis!” Starlight says, before looking to said Queen and sneering. “Give her all of it!”

Thorax looks uncertain for a moment, before closing his eyes. At once, rings of pink energy surge from his body, moving over both myself and Cheese Legs.

But, while I feel an amazing warmth passing over me, Cheese Legs is thrown backwards, slamming into her throne… which suddenly cracks.

The room is filled with a blinding light which soon fades, showing… a very different Thorax.

For one, his carapace is now bright green, with his inner body a much darker green, some yellow around his neck area, along with what look like three clear diamonds. He has a tail with a membrane that reminds me of dragonflies and his wings are a bit similar too, though a bit more like a Pegasus’ wings in design and they look like they can fold back underneath plates on his back, like a ladybug’s.

His eyes are now bright purple and, along with a more normal horn, he also has two large orange antlers atop his head.

The other Changelings are all staring in shock, as are Trixie and Discord, the former of whom has to close the other’s mouth.

Starlight looks around at all the Changelings. “This is what happens when you give love freely instead of taking it!”

“Plus, think about it,” I say, cocking the blaster next to my head. “If you share love, you don’t starve all the time. You don’t always have to be hungry.”

They all look at each other, before all seeming to nod and glow like Thorax had, rings of pink energy surging from them, surrounding everything.

Loud cracks make me look towards Cheese Legs’ throne. It’s cracking all over, pink light shining from within… but it doesn’t seem to be breaking.

Cheese Legs herself shakes her head and looks around as all the Changelings are transforming. “You’ll all pay for betraying me!”

I blink, before smirking and nod. “Ah. The big finisher. I get it now.”

I slip out a card from the deck as I return it to the belt, before slamming the card into the belt.

Final Attack Ride: De-De-De-Decade!

I leap into the air, a set of five large versions of the card appearing before me in a straight line between me and the throne and I surge forward, moving through the cards as I do.

“WHAT?!” Cheese Legs cries in both shock, confused and alarm as I slam into the throne, as a massive explosion expanding, blinding all.

When the light fades, my group look around as I land before them, disengaging the belt, no longer needing it as my magic returns, my hands reverting back to hooves.

We all look around at the new species of Changelings surrounding us. Yes, I can sense they’re a new species. Got my magic back, remember.

They all look a lot like Thorax does now, only they’re smaller than him, don’t have any new horns, just their single one and their colours are all different. There’s blue Changelings, yellow Changelings, red Changelings, orange Changelings, pink Changelings and green ones, like Thorax… and they all look way happier now. Some flying around on their new wings, some just remaining on the ground, admiring their non-hole-pocked bodies.

“Gotta say, this isn’t quite the outcome I’d have originally anticipated,” I look to Thorax smirking, before glancing him over. “BTW, I sense you’ve unintentionally been imprinted as the new leader, King Thorax. Hope you’re up to the job.”

He grins sheepishly. “You and me both.”

“Fluttershy?” I look over as see Discord pull the yellow Pegasus into a very tight hug.

Fluttershy looks understandably confused. “It’s, um, good to see you, too.”

A groan turns my attention to Twilight as her pupil helps her up from the remains of the cacoon that was holding her. “Starlight? What happened?”

Starlight grins uncertainly. “We defeated the Changelings with no magic at all, though with some help from an unusual non magical power Screwball has, they found a new leader, and... they’re all kinda... good now.”

She looks to Thorax who nods.

Princess Luna steps forward next Twilight, the latter still wearing an expression that says she thinks that sounds as insane as, well, it sounds. “Well done, Starlight Glimmer. It seems as though you’ve learned a great deal since we last spoke.”

Hmm? Okay. Gonna be asking Glim Glam about that one later.

The sound of rubble moving causing as all to turn and see the remains of the throne tossed aside, Cheese Legs hissing, before she freezes in place at the sight of us all.

Yeah. Let’s do a recount. All the princesses, the Element Bearers, Starlight, Shining Armour, myself, Discord and the entire Changeling army against one her. Yeah, odds ain’t so much in your favour anymore are they?

Starlight steps forward, looking firmly at the former queen. “When Twilight and her friends defeated me, I chose to run away and seek revenge!” She held out a hoof. “You don’t have to! You can be the leader your subjects deserve.”

I blink. Whoa, wait, seriously? Surely Cheese Legs isn’t going to conform that freaking fast.

And I’m proven right a second later when she knocks Starlight’s hoof away, snarling. “There is no revenge you could ever conceive of that will come close to what I will exact upon you one day, Starlight Glimmer!”

With that, she leaps off the edge and flies off… and no one else is stopping her.

“Um, are we really not going to go after her?” I ask, looking around. “It’s all of us against her. Heck, just DD or myself to finish this in a second with but a thought.”

“We’ll leave her be for now,” Celestia says, looking firmly as Cheese Legs becomes a dot on the horizon. “Given time, she will realize her mistakes and return.”

I look to Trixie, who grins a little nervously and gulps. “Uh, no offense intended, your highness, but when Princess Twilight tried that with me it… didn’t go over so well.”

“Be that as it may, I highly doubt there is anything she can do,” Luna says, joining her sister’s side. “She has no kingdom and cannot gain the massive amounts of love energy she so desired. Not to mention her greatest weapon is no more.” She indicates to the remains of the throne.

I hold up my hooves. “Alright. Just don’t come crying to me when letting her go backfires and she returns with an army of villains from Equestria's ancient past nopony remembers. Oh, which reminds me.” I look around at all those who’d been captured and lift a massive megaphone to my mouth, before snarling, but teleporting earplugs into Moon and Flurry’s ears. “HOW IN THE FLYING FUCKING WIDE WORLD OF EQUESTRIA COULD YOU LET YOURSELVES ALL GET CAPTURED SO FUCKING EASILY?! DIDN’T ONE OF YOU EVEN TRY?! DID NONE OF YOU THINK TO SOUND THE ALARM WITH A SIMPLE CRY OF THE CHANGELINGS ARE BACK, SOMEPONY HELP!? WHAT THE FUCK’S THE MATTER WITH ALL OF YOU?!”

I take a deep breath as I toss the megaphone over the edge of the massive height, it exploding into candy corn upon hitting the ground, while everypony and Changeling are standing there, blank expressions on their faces and no doubt ringing in their ears.

“Now,” I dust my hooves, “if you’ll excuse me, I need to relieve my future self of sun and moon duty and take it on myself in the past after getting a new belt so I don’t have to give this baby up.” I pat the belt around my waist and wave. ‘Toodles.”