//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: Friendship Is Magic! ... Unless You Are a Human // by Huk //------------------------------// John was back in the infirmary along with Spike and the ponies. He was lying in his armor on one of the medical beds behind a curtain – his body enveloped by a light golden glow coming from Celestia. “There, that should do it,” Celestia said, powering down her horn after applying some healing spells. “It was fortunate he was wearing that outfit. Otherwise, it would not have ended with only some minor burns and smoke inhalation.” Spike glanced at the singed human and bit his lip, turning his eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry. I got scared, I reacted… I guess I overreacted…” “It’s not your fault Spike,” Applejack said, patting him gently on the head, “if anything, it was Gastovski’s… I told him he will wake up, but as usual he wouldn’t listen and just went to look for the other human – and that was a few hours ago.” “It is not like him to be late…” Celestia said. “Perhaps something happened to him?” “I don’t think we will get so lucky…” “Applejack, I realize you are not exactly friends, but such remarks are quite inappropriate.” Applejack let out a sigh. “Apologies your Highness, but… with all due respect, why Twilight allows him to live in her castle is beyond me – he is good for nothing drunk! I wouldn’t be surprised if he and the other human, were sitting somewhere, sipping a bottle as we speak!” Celestia smiled gently. “I understand that his… lifestyle is different from ours, but keep in mind – he helped us in a time of need. I think you should give him a chance—” A loud bang of the opening door interrupted her, getting the attention of everyone. They all listened and looked from behind a curtain as a backpack flew through the air, hitting the opposite wall of the room with force. Celestia arched her eyebrow in confusion, only to see James passing them by with an armored human’s body hanging over his shoulder. “God damn you Kleiner, and your gear, and especially your fucking EMP grenades!” James said unceremoniously throwing the body to one of the tables. Celestia and Applejack glanced at each other in confusion, then back at James, who – still unaware of their presence – was in the process of removing another heavy-looking backpack off his back. “Finally…” James said as the heavy bag hit the floor with a loud bang. He glanced at the body of the human he brought and let out a chuckle. “Damn, that was quite a workout! You may be an egghead, but with that gear on – your ass weight more than Celestia’s.” Suddenly, the sound of somebody clearing her throat filled the air, quickly transforming James’s smile to a hollow expression. Biting his lip, he slowly turned around and froze. Three ponies plus one dragon were standing near one of the beds – one of them with a huge scowl on her face. James gulped. I’m soooo fucked… ”Um, hello, your Highness... You… here already?” “No, we are still in the carriage,” Celestia smiled sarcastically, “Oh, do not mind us, Captain, you were saying?” “Saying…? I… said nothing! The universal translator must have malfunctioned…” James said, grinning sheepishly – Celestia arched her eyebrow in response. “… should I lock myself in the dungeon?” “Oh, do not bother, I was so preoccupied looking at the floor that I did not hear a thing—” James face suddenly changed to a very serious one. “What the hell happened to John?!” He said running up to the bed the other human was resting on. “He woke up! That’s what happened Mr. Smartypants!” Applejack said, stomping her hoof to the ground. “Impossible! He should be out cold for another hour or more, unless… Oh, hell,” James shook his head and facepalm with a loud slap. “He thought he was hallucinating – perhaps he took some meds for it. Those drugs can reduce the effectiveness of sedatives—” “Hrmph! In other words, you messed up!” Applejack said with a sneer. “Just like you always do—” James rolled his eyes. “Fine, let’s say I did, so what? When he woke up, you decided to make some human barbeque? Why the hell is he burned?!” Celestia raised her hoof, interjecting Applejack’s response. “Apparently, when he woke up, he started to walk around the castle, looking for something. At one point, he scared Spike and… you can imagine the rest. Shortly after, your friend fell from the balcony – fortunately I was able to catch him just in time.” “I… um…” For a moment, James stood there with a confused expression on his face, rubbing his forehead, until letting out a deep sigh. “Thanks for saving his butt.” Celestia smiled. “You are welcome. What about your other friend? Is he unconscious too?” “Oh, right,” James opened the curtains and not-so-gently threw the other human on the bed next to John’s. “He is a bit tired at the moment, but I’m sure he is honored to meet you and stuff.” Celestia and others immediately noticed that the other person looked quite different from John – his gray suit seemed much lighter, barely resembling a powered armor. Instead of weapons, the outfit was equipped with some weird looking gear and electronic devices. Through the large transparent visor, an older man with glasses on his nose could be seen inside. “Is he all right?” Celestia said. “Sedated, I thought it would be best to bring them up to speed together. Not that he didn’t manage to hit me with a few EMP grenades before I got him to sleep…” “That would disable your technology… Is that why you were late?” “Disable some of it, yeah. But…” James cocked his head. “How do you even know that?” Celestia bit her lip. “Um… I—” A groan coming from John interrupted her. “My slumber-inducing spell is wearing off.” “Damn! Guys, you better wait outside, just to be on the safe side—” “I gotta go home,” Applejack said. James rolled his eyes. “Whatever, just get out of here before they wake up!” Everyone nodded in agreement and went for the door. Stepping outside Celestia stopped for a moment. “Nice deflection back there, Captain,” she whispered, smiling sarcastically again. He grinned. “Well, I learned from the best manipulators in Equestria. Gotta go!” Celestia furrowed her brow, but before she could say anything, the door slammed in her face. “Hmm, perhaps that dungeon will be useful after all…” *** OK, how the hell do I proceed here? Hmm, let’s try this… “Rise and shine sleeping beauties, rise and shine…” “Sir, impersonating a shady videogame character may not be the best approach in the situation,” APE said. “Shady? He wasn’t shady ever since in Half-Life 3 they revealed that—” “Sir…” “Ugh, fine, fine! Let me try something else…” He walked up to John, and with a grin shook his body violently. “Wake up!” “Very… subtle, sir.” “Oh, come on, man! You can sleep when you’re dead!” James continued shaking John’s body until a loud groan filled the air. John opened his eyes only to be blinded by the rays of the sun. “Hello?” He said, eying the blurry surroundings, with a confused face. “Am I… dead?” James smiled sarcastically. “Yes, you’re dead, this is the afterlife, and I’m God!” John’s eyes adjusted, revealing his friend’s face and… making him cringe. “Ugh, for a God, you sure look damn ugly.” James smiled. “Hrmph! Fuck you—” “I saw something!” John hastily sat up on the bed. “I think… I saw an angel!” Wow, he must have had a wild ride… ”You were hallucinating.” “I… don’t know boss,” John said, massaging his tensed forehead, “That thing was so real… and beautiful! I could feel the energy emanating from it! And it’s coat was so soft—” “Wait, what? Coat?” “Yeah, its coat… or fur, hard to say. It was white, fluffy and delicate… And wings! I could swear I saw wings,” John shook his head. “Something is out there, boss! … Hey, stop grinning like an idiot! That wasn’t a hallucination!” James bit his tongue, trying to contain his smile. White, fluffy and emanating with energy… right… “Johnny… I swear, I wanted to do this softly but… It would be a crime not to see her reaction here! Give me a sec,” he stuck his head outside the door. “Um, your Highness? May I ask you for a moment, please?” A few seconds later, Celestia slowly stepped through the door with a confused expression on her face. Seeing an angel standing in front of you, would probably be a pretty big experience for anyone. John took it pretty well… “JESUS CHRIST!” He shouted, his face pale and hands trembling. James smirked. “Nah, that’s princess Fluffestia,” Celestia arched her eyebrow. “Um… I mean Celestia… Celestia! A-anyway, is that what you saw?” John nodded nervously, making James chuckle. Celestia put on a confused expression on her face. “Care to share the joke?” “He thinks… you’re an angel,” Celestia cocked her face and smirked herself. “I know, right?!” He turned to John. “I can assure you, Celestia is not an angel, but… She is a big boss around here so that comparison to Jesus was pretty close…” Celestia arched her eyebrow. “Big boss? I thought ’white tyrant’ was the latest nickname.” “Nicknames are like lies, you have to change them regularly.” “I see… interesting,” Celestia turned to John, who was watching them in silence, his face still pale. “Mr. Um—” “Wildman,” James interjected. “Mr. Wildman… Do not be afraid—” “No, no, no, no, no…” John said, shaking his head vigorously, “I don’t believe it… This must be a dream…” “Please, try to calm down—” “NO!” He shouted, pushing himself off the bed. “S-stay away!” Celestia glanced at James, but his face told her he was as confused as she was. She looked back at John, whose eyes were locked on her, his pupils dilated. Why is he so afraid of me? She moved forward, quickening his breath. “Please, look at me, I will not hurt you,” she took another few steps and was now in range of his grasp. “Take my hoof – you will realize I am real.” John’s eyes were traveling from her hoof to her face and back to her hoof again. With his arm shaking, he slowly reached to grab it, only to flinch when it finally happened. “W-what are you? You look like a unicorn, but those creatures exist only in fairy tales.” Celestia smiled. “Close – I am a pony, a pony alicorn to be exact.” John shook his head. “That’s not possible… I just—” “You would be surprised what is possible Johnny,” James said. “Although, I admit, I was pretty shocked myself at first.” “… This place. Where are we?” Celestia smile faltered, and she let out a heavy sigh. “I think, James should be the one providing the explanation.” James gave her a cold glare. “Said the master of deflection…” He sighed, and sat down next to his friend, with Celestia close by. “John, I’m afraid there is no easy way to say this… That teleporter worked a little too well and… let’s just say you are not in Kansas anymore, nor on Earth for that matter…” John cocked his head, blinking in confusion. “Huh?” “You and Kleiner have crossed to the alternate universe Johnny… This place is called Equestria – the planet itself is similar to Earth, but ruled by creatures like ponies, griffons, and dragons.” Suddenly, a hissing sound of armor opening filled the air, quickly followed by the voice of the other human. “FASCINATING!” “Um, Celestia – meet Dr. Peter Kleiner. Probably Twilight’s new best friend.” Celestia cocked her head. “Oh? Why would that be?” “Just give him a few minutes, or… Could you… do your thing? With the sun, I mean?” James asked, and Celestia nodded. “Time for a magic trick guys – observe.” Celestia’s horn light up, and the sun rose above the horizon, then a few seconds later got back down – she repeated the procedure a few times, for good measure. John was staring in disbelief, with his mouth wide open, rubbing his eyes. Kleiner on the other hand… “FASCINATING! How did you do that?! We will need to do research right away! Argh, where is a notebook when you need one!” “Allow me, doc!” With a grin on his face, James put his hands close to each other and a sphere of energy formed between them, quickly followed by a blinding light. “Huzza! Here you… go?” He glanced at his hands, but there was nothing between them. “Impressive,” Celestia chuckled. James let out a growl, and energized his matter-to-energy conversion matrix, filling the room with another light show… that died down a moment later with no results. “Ugh, it’s your fucking EMP grenades! Must be some imbalance… Ah, here it is!” His hands glowed for a moment once again, but this time, when the lights died down James was holding a notebook and pen. Both Kleiner and John stood speechless with their mouths hanging agape. “How?” Kleiner finally said. James smirked. “Magic!” Kleiner arched his eyebrow. “No, really! This land is magical… or in your terms doc ‘it’s quantum energy potential is thousand times greater than that on Earth.’ “Do you mean that—” “Yes, here we can use my nano-tech to replicate some simple stuff on the fly.” A childish grin filled the old Kleiner’s face – with his eyes wide opened, he looked like a kid in a candy store. He grabbed Celestia by her shoulders and started shaking her violently. “Do you know what this means?!” Surprised by a sudden contact, she just shook her head. “Research! Whole new field…” He let her go. “No, fields of research! The possibilities are… endless!” Celestia took a few steps back from the crazy figure. “Yes, I think your friend and Twilight will like each other.” On the other side of the room, John was sitting in silence, his eyes locked on the ground. “Hey man, don’t be like that, here,” James armored brightened up again, transforming air between his hands into three bottles of vodka. “That’s good stuff! One for me, one for you, one for you,” he handed the bottles to John and Kleiner and turned to Celestia, “and NONE for you, unless of course you finally gathered enough courage to have a drink with me?” She gave him a glare that was chilling him to the bone. “I take that as a ‘nope’—” “I want to go back,” John said, his eyes not leaving the floor, “is that possible?” James’s smile faded in the blink of an eye. “I’m afraid not, and… there is nothing to get back to anyway,” “What are you saying?” “Does Alpho-Meg, ring any bells?” John shook his head, but Kleiner interjected. “A first-ever synthetic virus with extended adaptation capabilities. In theory, it could have been programmed to target a very specific group of people, but due to its nature, it was deemed too risky and unstable.” “And yet… some morons used it,” James let out a sigh. “Alpho-Meg from alpha and omega, a beginning and the end… A fitting name for something that wiped out human life on the entire planet.” Kleiner shook his head. “That is not possible… It would have never survived airborne for more than a few months.” James chuckled darkly. “Apparently, they made it a bit too adaptable… In the months following the first strike, it mutated and started infecting plants and animals as the carriers, and the incubation period increased from days to months... Before we know what was happening, half of the population was exposed… it was pretty much a game over.” James glanced at John, to see him frozen, his mouth slightly open and a blank expression on his face. “B-but… Someone must have survived! How do you know—” “I spent the last three hundred years searching for survivors, using everything from heat sensors to satellites – before they deteriorated. I found nothing, no animals… no humans. I only survived because of my nano-enhancements,” both John and Kleiner cocked their heads, “Oh, yeah, I’m three hundred thirty-six – thanks a lot doc, for making me able to regenerate practically anything… Immortality sucks!” “But… as far as I know, nano-technology does not make you immortal – all other soldiers died within months of their enhancements… We need to do some research!” “Fuck you, doc! I already have Twilight poking all the holes in my body!” Celestia cocked her head, arching her eyebrow. “I… don’t wanna talk about it!” Suddenly, John stood up. “I need time... Alone.” James nodded. “I understand. It’s a lot to digest. I suggest you get outside, some fresh air will do you good. But before you go there is one more thing…” James cleared his throat and smiled. “Oh, Twilight, you can stop eavesdropping and come in now.” The door slowly opened with a quiet click and Twilight stepped inside – a sheepish smile filling her face. “Um, hello everyone…” she said, turning to Gastovski, “How did you know?” “Please, my nano-tech ears could hear your gasps of excitement from a kilometer away…” Twilight bit her lip, her cheeks burning. “You didn’t have to be so… descriptive.” “Well, you wanna blame someone, blame Kleiner over there, he designed the damn thing…” “If memory serves – your ear’s maximum pick-up range is about two hundred meters,” Kleiner said. “Actually, the last time we measured, it was about three hundred – still not near a kilometer…” Twilight said. James facepalm. “Oh, for God’s sake! It was a figure speech! You scientists are all the same!” “Scientists? Are you saying they have scientists here as well?” Kleiner said. “Of course they do, the purple one here is a bigger egghead then you, doc—” “I BEG YOUR PARDON!” Both Twilight and Kleiner shouted in unison, making James grin. “Um, boss…” John interjected, remaining every one of his presence. “Right… Twilight – would it be possible to find rooms for these guys?” James said. “Well, this castle has enough room to host a few dozen ponies – make yourself at home.” “Thanks, as for you guys…” James said, replicating some contraption looking like a smartwatch, “here John, doc. This thing contains a map of this place, plus the universal translator, carry that at all times.” John nodded in silence. A second later he left the room with his eyes staring blankly at the floor, the whole time. “Do you have a lab in this place?” Kleiner said. “I would like to start analyzing that ‘magic’ right away.” Twilight brightened. “Of course! Please, follow me! I have already started comparing how our magic affects the technology from your world, and the results are fascinating!” The door slammed behind them, leaving Celestia and James alone. “Um, is it my imagination, or we weren’t invited?” James said. “It would appear so. Twilight actually ignored me… That never happened before, it feels surprisingly… good!” Celestia chuckled. “I am sure she and your friend will like each other.” “Yeah, and they will want to experiment on my body… Do you have any idea what Twilight is doing to me?” Celestia smiled. “Yes… She sends me reports every Tuesday.” James frowned. “So you approve… Interesting.” “Oh, I am sure you can handle it. I am more concerned about your other friend, it would appear that he took the news rather hard.” “Yeah, can’t say I’m surprised… I had three hundred years to accept the fact that I was alone… Kleiner is a science nut, for him as long as there is research to be done, he will be happy. With John it’s different,” James sighed deeply. “He had a family back home, a wife and daughter, and a lot of siblings. From his perspective, yesterday they were all fine, and now – I told him they are all dead…” “I am sorry,” Celestia said, “if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.” “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. For now, I better sort all of the gear I brought with Kleiner. Then, I better check on those two nerds, before they blast this castle to the moon.” “Very well, good day captain,” Celestia said, going to the door. “James, when you will have a minute, I would like to—” She turned around, only to see him with a blissful smile on his face and… eyes locked on her backside. “What are you looking at mister?!” “Silkbuns…” Suddenly he shook his head, snapping back to reality. “Did I say that out loud?” Celestia smiled sarcastically. “Let me guess, another malfunction in the universal translator? I noticed a lot of those malfunctions lately… Especially when talking about my rump…” “Must be one of those rumpaging bugs, you know… The funny thing I noticed is that… you don’t seem to mind all that much when that happens,” James snickered. Celestia let out a very un-royal ‘Hrmph!’ in response, and un-ceremonially left the room with her snout in the air, shutting the door with a loud bang. She let out a deep sigh and glanced at the reflection of her backside in one of the nearby crystals. “Silkbuns…” She chuckled, moving away, with a little smirk on her face.