Chapter Twenty-One
Holding Onto Hope
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To be fair, no one really liked funerals. Sure, a lot of people appreciated them. They could be a good way to remember and pay tribute to a loved one, reconnect with friends in shared grief, and swap some stories. But enjoy them? No, no one actually enjoyed funerals.
But Applejack? She had a special sort of hatred for them. A bitterness that she never let show. She’d go through the motions because funerals were just the sort of thing one was supposed to do in the wake of a tragedy, and she’d never say a word against them out loud.
Funerals meant a lot of people would come. And a lot of those people? Well, near as Applejack could tell, they couldn’t be bothered to come when the person they were honoring was alive. Of course, that didn’t apply to everyone. But how many relatives had made time only after their deaths?
And of those friends and family who couldn’t manage to come and say ‘hello’ once in a while instead of waiting until they had to say ‘goodbye’, how many of them really cared? Sure, they probably weren’t heartless. If they had the choice, they’d want the deceased to still be alive. Maybe they were even genuinely sad about it, at least a little. But really, how many would come if they didn’t feel obligated?
Not to mention the people who didn’t even know the person whose funeral they were attending. People like Applejack, who was standing awkwardly in the back because there weren’t enough chairs for everyone. People who were supposedly there to show support, but who were mostly just taking up room.
Applejack watched as person after person told their stories about Rose. At least there was that; plenty of people did seem to have been touched by Rose’s life. Still, story after story involved people lamenting that they hadn’t seen her in far too long.
Occasionally she looked to where Sunset and Fluttershy were sitting in the front, but she could never tell how they were reacting. She could only barely see them, Fluttershy’s bright pink hair standing out in the mass of black. And with their backs turned towards her, It wasn’t until Sunset herself stood up to speak that Applejack could see her face.
It was hard to tell from across the room, but Sunset looked more composed than Applejack had expected her to be. She calmly walked up to the podium and looked out at the crowd of people who had gathered. Applejack kept her eyes pointed at Sunset so she might see a comforting face if she looked her way, but if Sunset ever noticed, Applejack wasn’t aware.
“I know it’s been said already, but I want to thank everyone again for coming out,” Sunset said to the crowd. “It would mean so much to Rose to have all her family in one place. More than anything, that’s what she always wanted. For all of her kids, for all of us, to be one family.
“I know a lot of you probably would have rather never seen me again. For those of you who don’t know me, my name’s Sunset Shimmer. I was a ward at New Horizons Home for Children for twelve years. And if we ever lived there at the same time, there’s a very high chance that I was nothing short of awful to you.
“I’m not here to explain myself, not that I could give much of an explanation. I’m here today because of one person who never stopped believing in me, even when that was all I deserved.” Sunset paused to look back at a TV screen against the wall, which they’d arranged to display a slideshow with pictures of Rose.
“Rose always believed in me, could always see that I had it in me to be a better person.” Sunset turned back to the crowd. “It tears me up to know that she never got to meet me after I finally decided to try and be just that. Especially because I know that I would never have become who I am today if Rose hadn’t been there supporting me for those twelve long years.
“And not just me. Rose believed in everyone, could always see the potential of every one of her kids. I remember the day I realized that. It was breakfast before school, and she was being her usual self. Trying to get sleepy high schoolers to eat more than just a piece of toast for breakfast. And I just remember watching her as she did and realizing… she knew every one of those kids. Not just knew their names, but really knew them. She talked to every one of us just a little bit differently, always knew what was going on with each kid and what to say to them because she knew them.
“I remember wondering how. She had to have watched over countless kids in her life, how could she possibly still know each and every one as an individual? I never really figured it out. To this day, I still don’t understand how she did it.”
Sunset paused again as she watched the screen change from one picture to another. “I wish I understood her better. I think I could be a better person today if I did. I don’t think I’m the only one. We could all be a little more like her.”
Sunset bowed her head before continuing. “If there’s one thing I do know, it’s that no one could ever love more than Rose did. I don’t think I could ever truly be like her, but I will try to take at least that one lesson with me. That a heart never fills, that there is always room to love more, and that we can and should try to extend that love to as many people as we can. And if we can all learn that lesson from Rose’s life, well, I don’t think there could ever be a better way to honor her.”
The crowd clapped as Sunset stepped away from the podium, even if it was somewhat muted in respect for the solemness of the situation. Applejack joined in, impressed that Sunset had held it together for the whole speech. She watched for any sign that she was distressed as she took her seat beside Fluttershy once again, but near as Applejack could tell, she was perfectly composed.
Whether by design or by chance, no one else from the audience stepped up to the podium. The funeral conductor did so instead, offering his closing words. “I’d like to take a moment to read you a passage from the scripture.”
Applejack bowed her head and half listened to the words, half wondered if they would’ve actually meant anything to Rose. It wasn’t that Applejack had any problems with religion – she was Christian herself, and had spent her childhood in church. She felt as strong of a connection with faith as she ever had, but she couldn’t help but think that only someone who was way too into religion would prefer the conductor’s words to close the service over Sunset’s.
Still, when he finished, Applejack joined the others in answer. “Amen.”
The funeral conductor reminded everyone that New Horizons had opened its doors for any who wanted to speak and reminisce about Rose’s life in a more homey setting, and that all were welcome to attend.
With that, somber piano music started playing over the speakers and everyone was free to do as they wished. Some left quickly, but most people clustered into small groups so they could talk a bit, congregating into small spaces as much out of the way as they could manage.
Applejack waited as people shuffled around, letting those that were there for Rose find their friends and family among the crowd first. She hoped it’d be easier to move through the crowd as it thinned out from people leaving, but it wound up being harder as people expanded outwards from where they’d been sitting.
“Excuse me. Pardon me.” Applejack tried to make her way through the crowd as gingerly as she could. It proved harder to keep track of Sunset and Fluttershy with everyone standing and moving around, and once or twice Applejack lost sight of them completely. Thankfully, Sunset was tall enough that she popped back into Applejack’s field of vision easily enough every time.
By the time she reached Sunset, she and Fluttershy were talking to two people Applejack recognized but hadn’t expected to see. Snips and Snails had been close to Sunset at one point – well, as close as anyone had been to her before the Fall Formal – but for reasons Applejack had never been aware of, they hadn’t remained friends afterwards.
“– few time,” Snips said as Applejack walked up.
“But uh, she didn’t know who we were,” Snails said.
“Yeah, she didn’t usually recognize me either,” Sunset said.
Snails noticed Applejack first and waved awkwardly. “Hi, Applejack.”
Applejack went to tip her hat, then realized she wasn’t wearing it. “Howdy, you two. Been a while.”
“I didn’t know you knew Miss Rose,” Snips said.
“ ‘Fraid I didn’t, although it sounds like she was an upstanding woman.” Applejack placed an arm around Sunset’s shoulder. “I came in case Sunset needed me. What about you two?”
“We, uhm…” Snails looked to Sunset.
“We met at New Horizons,” Sunset said. It was answer enough, since anything else would likely be a difficult subject at an already difficult time.
“Yeah.” Snips looked between Applejack and Fluttershy, then back to Sunset. “So… are you going to stop by there?”
Sunset nodded. “Yeah, I am. Not exactly sure how happy most of the people there will be to see me, but you know. Gotta at least drop by.”
“Uh, well you know, at least we’ll be there,” Snails said.
Sunset smiled. “Of course. I guess I’ll see you two there.”
“Right.” Snips nodded. “See you there, Sunset.”
Snips and Snails started to walk off, but didn’t get very far before another familiar voice stopped to greet them. “Snips, Snails. How are you two holding up?”
“Hi, Flash,” Snips said as everyone turned to face him. Applejack couldn’t help but think that he sounded happier to see Flash than he had to see Applejack. “We’re doing okay.”
“That’s good to hear.” Flash gave them a thumbs up. “And just so you know, I’m always around if either of you need anything.”
“Thanks, Flash,” Snails said.
“You two heading to New Horizons?” Flash asked.
“Yeah, we were just heading out,” Snips answered.
“Cool, guess I’ll see you there.”
“Alright. Bye, Flash.”
Flash waved them off, then turned back to Sunset. “Hey, Sunset.”
“Hi, Flash.” Sunset gave Flash a slightly confused look. “Please don’t tell me you came all the way out here just because of me.”
“I did know Miss Rose too, you know,” Flash said.
“Yeah, I guess that’s true.”
“Besides,” Flash said, “it looks like you already have your own entourage even without me.”
“Applejack gave us a ride here. All I have is a motorcycle again.” Sunset turned towards Applejack. “Her staying was a surprise, though.”
Applejack wasn’t sure if it was the best idea, but she decided to try and keep the mood light with their usual jokes. “Sunset, I don’t rightly think you’re fine on your own on a good day.”
Sunset smirked. “Yeah, maybe you have a point there.”
It wasn’t something most people would pick up on, but Applejack immediately noticed that Sunset hadn’t offered a rebuttal of her own. If Sunset’s usually quick wit had slowed down to the point where she wasn’t going to make a crack at Applejack, there was no way she was doing as well as she pretended.
Well, there was nothing to it but to stick close to her and try to cheer her up as much as was possible in the circumstances. Applejack would start by stroking her ego a bit. “Nice job stealing the show with that speech there.”
“I don’t know about that…”
“Aww, come on.” Applejack nudged Sunset. There was no way her false modesty would hold for long. “No one wanted to speak after you, if ya hadn’t noticed.”
“It was a really nice speech, Sunset,” Flash added.
Fluttershy took a small step towards Sunset, then moved away again. Applejack had been too preoccupied with Sunset to notice, but it dawned on her that Fluttershy hadn’t spoken at all yet.
“How you doing, Shy?” Sunset asked.
“Uhm… I’m okay…” Fluttershy said quietly.
Sunset frowned. “Maybe we should get outside. Probably less crowded in the parking lot.”
Applejack and Flash agreed, while Fluttershy said nothing. Taking her agreement as a given, everyone followed Flash outside.
Everyone shielded their eyes as they walked out into the parking lot. Although the funeral parlor had been well lit, the summer sun was still a little blinding. It was early afternoon, the services having been planned to end with enough time for the second half to be at New Horizons.
The parking lot wasn’t empty, but there were far fewer people cluttered around it. Sunset looked pointedly at two young women as they stepped out, who both stopped their conversation to stare back. Sunset led them in the opposite direction.
“Feeling a little better out here, Shy?” Sunset asked.
Fluttershy kept her eyes on the ground. “A little…”
Flash looked at her like he wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure how to get it out. In truth, Applejack felt the same way.
Neither of them had to say anything, however, since someone else took notice of Sunset and approached them. “I figured you’d come out here after everything was done.”
The woman who was approaching looked vaguely familiar, but Applejack couldn’t place who she was. But Sunset seemed to know her, as she turned and smiled at her approach.
“Yeah, it was a little crowded in there.”
“I was very sorry to hear about Rose. I know that must’ve been hard on you.”
“We knew it was only a matter of time,” Sunset said. “I’m glad I got to see her before it happened. And I have you to thank for that. Now I just wish I listened to you sooner…”
“I wish I’d done the same, to tell you the truth. It’d be a stretch to say Rose and I were friends, but I did always enjoy her company. I kept telling myself that I’d visit her sometime. I knew she was getting older and figured we’d both enjoy a friendly chat, but then there was always work.”
Sunset looked a little surprised by the response, then turned to look at the ground. Her own reply felt a little less controlled than her usual responses. “Yeah. It just always felt like there’d be more time.”
“It always does.”
Sunset hooked her hands into her pockets and looked back at the woman. “Hey, Violet? Can I ask something kind of personal?”
“Shoot.”
“Why do you work so hard?” Sunset furrowed her brow. “I don’t think I ever really thanked you for everything you did. I don’t even think I know everything you did for me.”
Violet smirked. “That’s likely. I don’t make it a point to let my kids know about all the behind the scenes work.” She regarded Sunset for a moment, both women maintaining eye contact. There seemed to be something passed between them, but Applejack was unaware of what that was. “To tell you the truth, I ask myself that same question. I’ll let you know if I ever find the answer.”
Sunset just nodded, as if she suspected the answer already.
Violet turned to look at Fluttershy. “I’m sorry to hear about your other loss as well. I hope you two are managing okay in these hard times.”
Fluttershy looked at Sunset, who didn’t seem to have an answer either. Applejack smiled and inserted herself into the conversation. “You can count on me to keep an eye on these two, ma’am.”
Violet smiled at Applejack. “I’m glad to hear that. It’s nice to know Sunset has such good friends these days.”
“Trust me, we couldn’t get rid of Applejack if we wanted to.”
Violet’s smile grew a bit bigger at the name. “Applejack. I’m afraid I didn’t recognize you, but we’ve met before. It’s nice to hear you two are still friends after all these years.”
Applejack found herself at a disadvantage, because she still couldn’t place where she and Violet could’ve met. She decided to just ask Sunset another time, though. “Yup. Like she said, they’re stuck with me now.”
Violet nodded. “I’ll leave you to your friends, then.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a small notepad and a pen and jotted something down. “I don’t normally do this, but… here.” She tore the page off and handed it to Sunset. “My personal number in case you ever need to get a hold of me. Feel free to call if there’s ever anything I can do for you.”
Sunset seemed somewhat puzzled by the gesture, but soon smiled appreciatively. “Thanks, Violet. That means a lot to me.”
Violet didn’t seem to know exactly where to go from there, so she just gave an awkward nod and took a few steps away. “You two take care of each other.”
“Will do,” Sunset said as she and Fluttershy both waved her off.
“Guess you’re pretty popular today,” Applejack said.
Sunset frowned. “Yeah. And it’s probably just getting started…”
Applejack placed a hand on her shoulder. “Ya know you don’t have to go to the thing at New Horizons if you’re not feeling up to it.”
Sunset shook her head. “Nah, I’m fine. Besides, I told Snips and Snails I’d meet them there.”
“Maybe, but they’d understand if you changed your mind.”
“I could always head over and tell them,” Flash suggested.
Sunset turned to Fluttershy, who still had her eyes fixed to the ground. Rather than say anything to her, she turned instead to Applejack. “Hey, AJ. Think you can take Shy home for me?”
Applejack frowned and addressed Fluttershy, who looked surprised at the question. “Sure, if that’s what ya want. You not feeling well, Fluttershy?”
“I’m, uhm…” Fluttershy shook her head.
“Flash, mind if I hitch a ride with you?”
“No problem. And I can bring you back to your place whenever you’re ready to leave.”
Sunset nodded, then turned back to Fluttershy. “I’m sure I won’t be out too late. You should get some rest.”
Fluttershy frowned. “But, uhm… Are you sure?”
Sunset smiled confidently. “Yeah, I’m fine, Shy. Besides, I’ll feel better if I know you’re not forced into being uncomfortable.”
“Okay, if you’re sure…”
“Guess I’ll see you later then,” Applejack said to Sunset. “Gimme a call if you need anything.”
“Yeah, of course.” Sunset turned to Fluttershy. “See you at home, okay?”
Fluttershy just nodded.
Sunset waved them goodbye as she followed Flash to his car. Applejack gave Fluttershy a smile and jerked her head towards her truck. “Well, no point stickin’ around here then. Shall we?”
Fluttershy nodded again and followed Applejack to her truck. Applejack was pretty sure there was more going on than Fluttershy not feeling well, and she had a pretty good idea of what it was.
That could wait, though. Hopefully just getting away from the funeral would get Fluttershy feeling a little more talkative. Applejack retrieved her hat from the dashboard and placed it on her head, then backed out carefully due to all the people hanging around the parking lot, and they were on their way.
Fluttershy kept her eyes fixed on the window as they drove. Applejack turned on the radio to fill the air with sound since she suspected Fluttershy wouldn’t be ready to talk for a while yet. It was a fairly quiet drive, but not uncomfortably so. That was one good thing about being with Fluttershy; the two of them had always been comfortable in silence.
Meanwhile, Applejack could try and figure out a plan. Things were easy with Sunset; the two of them understood each other and could cut right into the heart of nearly any matter. But with Fluttershy? That would require a lot more care and tact. Especially if this whole thing was about what Applejack thought it was about.
It was Fluttershy who spoke first, exactly as Applejack had hoped. It seemed getting some distance from the funeral had done it after all. “Uhm…” Fluttershy looked tentatively towards Applejack before deciding on the floor instead.
“What’s goin’ on, Shy?”
“Do you… think I should’ve stayed with Sunset?”
Applejack shrugged. “She’ll be alright. She’s with friends, and she knows she can leave if she wants to.”
“Maybe. But she still won’t.”
That gave Applejack pause. It was true, and she couldn’t deny it. Even if Sunset wanted to, she wasn’t gonna leave until everyone else was.
“Yeah, she’s a stubborn one. But you know, if you’re not feeling well you’re not feeling well. Nothin’ to do ‘bout that.”
Fluttershy fidgeted. “It’s not even… I’m not sick or anything.”
There it was. It looked like it was time to get into that. Applejack pulled up to a red light, so she took the chance to smile at Fluttershy and tapped her head. “What’s goin’ on in here is just as important, ya know? So wanna tell me what’s going on in there?”
Fluttershy looked at her hesitantly, but she didn’t answer until the light changed and Applejack’s attention was back on the road. “Everything’s just been… hard lately.”
Applejack nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I figured.”
Fluttershy made a small noise then turned back to the window.
Applejack waited a moment to give her a chance to elaborate, but it soon became apparent that she wasn’t going to. “Hey, it’s okay, Shy. Everyone understands. Things will get easier, and until they do, you just keep taking everything one day at a time.”
“Sometimes…” Fluttershy’s voice was even quieter than usual. When Applejack glanced towards her, she was staring down at her hands folded in her lap. “Sometimes it’s hard to… to even want to make it through the day…”
Applejack frowned, unsure of how to answer.
After a moment, Fluttershy shook her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Don’t be sorry,” Applejack said quickly. She glanced at Fluttershy again while figuring out what to say and saw she hadn’t moved at all. “You know, if ya ever need to talk to someone about anything…”
“I know.”
Applejack struggled for something else to say, but she wasn’t able to think of anything. What was she supposed to say to that? She knew Fluttershy was hurting, but to make a comment like that…
One thing Applejack was sure of was that she couldn’t be the only one who found that the silence felt much less comfortable the rest of the way.
She was still full of uncertainty as they pulled up to the house. “Well, here we are.”
“Yeah…” Fluttershy unbuckled her seat belt but didn’t get out of the truck right away. She put her hand on the the door then stopped, turning instead to Applejack. “Uhm… would you like to come inside? We could have a late lunch together. If, uhm, if you didn’t eat already, that is.”
Applejack smiled at the offer. She wasn’t really keen on leaving Fluttershy alone anyway. “I ate before picking y’all up, but I’m still happy to stay awhile all the same.”
She cut off the engine and exited the truck, following Fluttershy inside. The house was hot, although Applejack had expected as much. Sunset had never had an air conditioner, only a heater for the winter and fans for the summer. But at least the dress she’d chosen for the funeral was light enough to not be too hot, even if it was all black.
They walked into the kitchen, so Applejack took a seat at the table. Fluttershy opened the fridge and looked through it. “Would you like a drink? We have a few kinds of wine and beer.”
Applejack frowned. “Are you… sure it’s okay for you to be drinking after, well, you know?”
“Oh.” Fluttershy’s head popped up, blushing as she turned to Applejack. “I didn’t, I mean… I just thought you might want…”
Applejack grinned and shrugged. “What, now that you drink ya forgot we can have a good time without that? I’m fine with just juice or soda.”
Fluttershy smiled and nodded. “Of course.” She ducked back into the fridge for a moment and retrieved a bottle of soda. She set it on the counter, got out two cups, and filled one for each of them.
“Thanks,” Applejack said as she took the drink. She took a sip as Fluttershy sat down across from her. She waited a few moments to make sure Fluttershy wasn’t going to bring up a conversation before asking, “So whatcha been up to lately?”
Fluttershy shifted in place, and Applejack already knew what her answer would be. She’d heard as much from Sunset, after all. But it would be a way to get the conversation going where it needed to go.
“Not a whole lot.” Fluttershy lowered her eyes to the table as she spoke. “Mostly I’ve just… stayed around the house.”
Applejack nodded. “Sure. Hope you’ve been able to get plenty of rest.”
Fluttershy’s answer came slowly. “Sometimes I think I’m getting a little too much rest. At least I go to Rainbow’s some days.”
Applejack had known that as well, although she also knew that despite how Fluttershy made it sound, Rainbow had a hard time getting her to leave the house. But Applejack just smiled as if she were completely unaware. “Glad to hear that.”
Fluttershy gave a small smile as well, then turned away again. Although she had been the one to invite Applejack in, it seemed she didn’t know exactly what to talk about now that they were together.
But Applejack did, even if she didn’t know how to get there exactly. She inched a little closer. “Must get lonely being here on your own so much, though. You know, you can always call me too. I may not have a cool rock band to entertain with, but I could always bring you ‘round Sweet Apple Acres. Not a bad place to relax, if I do say so myself.”
Fluttershy tensed up, and Applejack realized too late what Sweet Apple Acres now meant for Fluttershy. She couldn’t even manage to own up to her poorly thought out words though, and simply pretended to not notice Fluttershy’s reaction.
Eventually it fell to Fluttershy to reply. “Uhm, I’ll… think about it.”
All Applejack could do was nod. She had wanted to talk about how Fluttershy was doing after her loss, but not like that.
While Applejack was floundering to find a way to backpedal the conversation, Fluttershy surprised her by being the next to speak. “Uhm, Applejack?”
“Yeah?”
“How does Sunset do it?” Fluttershy looked up at Applejack. “She hasn’t stopped at all. She’s still working five days a week, she’s been doing all our grocery shopping, all the chores around the house…”
Applejack offered a comforting smile. “Ya know, people work through stuff like this in different ways.”
“I know, but…” Fluttershy cast her eyes down again. “I can’t do anything. I’m home all day, but I don’t do anything. I’m way behind in my school work, and I haven’t even gone to church since everything happened…”
“Well, maybe I can help with some of that.”
Fluttershy smiled a little. “That’s sweet of you, but it’s not even something I really need help with. I just need to sit down and get to work on it, really.”
Applejack nodded. “And I’m sure you can do it. But I didn’t actually mean the school work, ‘fraid I’d be at a bit of a disadvantage with that. Was talkin’ ‘bout church. I could go with you if you want.”
“Oh.” Fluttershy turned back to Applejack. “I, uhm, I didn’t know you went to church.”
Applejack scratched her neck. “Well, I don’t exactly go regularly. Used to, when my parents were around, but then life just got too complicated.”
Fluttershy nodded. “I stopped going when I lost my mom too…”
Applejack was pretty sure that was for different reasons; for her, it was just because there was too much to do around the farm. And even though they probably could’ve fit Sunday church into their schedules, Granny Smith had wanted the kids to be able to spend whatever time they could on the weekend just being kids.
But dwelling on the loss of their parents was the last thing that Applejack wanted to do, and the last thing that would be helpful for Fluttershy. “I wouldn’t mind going again though. I could go with you to your church if you want, or we could go to mine if you want a change of scenery.”
“Maybe…” Fluttershy sighed. “But I’m… I’m not sure if I want to… At least not yet.”
“Of course. Well then just so you know, whenever you’re ready, the offer still stands.”
Fluttershy bowed her head low enough that her long hair fell in front of her face, strands falling all the way to the table. “How… how could God let something like this happen?”
The question cut through Applejack’s ability to offer a positive outlook. That had been something she herself had asked many years ago, and she had never found an answer. “I don’t know, Fluttershy… I wish I did, but…”
“I just…” Fluttershy’s voice came out thick and she wrapped her hands around her stomach. “I want her back…”
“I know,” Applejack said softly. She bowed her head, well aware of how useless the words she was about to say would be. “I guess… They say God works in mysterious ways, you know?”
Fluttershy lifted her head for a moment, showing there were tears in her eyes. “This isn’t mysterious, it’s cruel.”
“I know.” Applejack wondered if she should stop talking, but she knew there was another side to this that Fluttershy wasn’t acknowledging. “But, well… Y’all can do this parenting thing later, when you’re more prepared for it. Ya know how hard this would’ve been on you two right now.”
There were still tears in her eyes when Fluttershy lifted her head once more, but this time they were accompanied by a glare. “Sky isn’t replaceable.”
Shit, she definitely should’ve just stopped talking. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of said that.”
Fluttershy folded her arms and turned away. “I… I think I’d rather be alone for now.”
Applejack winced. Why the heck had she said something like that? “If that’s what you really want, then I –”
“It is.”
Applejack hesitated a moment, trying to find something to say that would make up for her dumb comment. But there was nothing, so after a moment, she stood up. “Alright then. Just… call me if you change your mind.”
Fluttershy didn’t answer, so Applejack sighed and saw herself out. She hoped with every step that Fluttershy would say something, even if it was just to tell her off for being such an idiot, but nothing came. Within moments, the door was closed with Fluttershy alone on the other side.
Although she made her way to her truck, Applejack leaned against it rather than leave immediately. It wasn’t like there was anything she could do by hanging around, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave just yet. The conversation with Fluttershy had taken several disastrous turns, and she didn’t like the thought of leaving her alone.
Not that there was much she could do about it. Fluttershy had been clear that she didn’t want Applejack around. Shockingly clear, actually; Applejack had never seen her assert herself so clearly before. Now if only she could do that for something other than to berate Applejack…
With no point in sticking around, Applejack eventually got into her truck. Before driving off, she pulled out her phone. She had only planned on sending a text to Sunset, but she realized that while her phone had been on silent from the funeral, she’s gotten a missed call and voicemail from someone else.
She decided to send the text first, informing Sunset that Fluttershy still wasn’t feeling so great. She hated adding another problem for Sunset to solve on today of all days, but there wasn’t much choice in the matter. Someone needed to check on Fluttershy, and who better than Sunset?
With that done, she played the voicemail.
“Hey, Applejack, it’s Trail Blazer. I ran out of the solar film, and wasn’t sure where to get more. Tried calling Big Mac too, but I’m just getting his voicemail. Give me a call and let me know when you can.”
Applejack frowned, wondering why Big Mac wasn’t answering his phone. It only took her a moment to realize that the reason probably began with ‘Sugar’ and ended with ‘Belle’. She really couldn’t leave the farm for even one day.
She started the truck and turned the radio off, then tapped ‘return call’ on her phone. She couldn’t blame Trail Blazer for not knowing something; this was only his third day working on the farm, after all.
After a couple rings, he answered. “Hey, Applejack. Crisis averted, your sister came home and showed me where it was.”
There was some good news, at least. Applejack started driving away as she spoke. “Roger that. Everything else goin’ smoothly?”
“Yeah, no problems here. I just took an early lunch while I was waiting, so I wasn’t even sitting around twiddling my thumbs.”
“Good to hear. I’m on my way back now, should be there in twenty.”
“Alright, see you then.”
Applejack hung up the phone and set it on her lap. After the fumbled conversation with Fluttershy, it was good to have something go well. She turned the radio back on as she drove herself home.
It had taken some convincing to get Granny on board with it, but she had eventually agreed to Applejack’s plan of hiring extra help for the farm. As Sunset had suspected, Big Mac came around easier than Applejack feared, and Apple Bloom had been on her side from the beginning. Granny fumed about it, but in the face of everyone else’s agreement, she had folded.
Still, she had only agreed to hire one extra person. Applejack had hoped for a few, but she knew when to take what she could get. And although it had only been a week since she and Big Mac had interviewed Trail Blazer, he seemed to be more than competent.
‘Maybe things can finally look up from here.’ Apple harvest season was right around the corner, and between having an extra set of hands and Apple Bloom being another year older, it should be manageable even if Sunset and Fluttershy weren’t able to help this year.
Her thoughts remained on the harvest the rest of the way home, sparing her from worrying much more about the mistakes of the day. It was growing late in the afternoon, right around quitting time for Trail Blazer, but his car was still parked in the driveway.
Figuring he was just waiting for her to get back before heading out, she made straight for the orchard once she got out of her truck. He wasn’t hard to find, as he had quite literally left a trail for her to follow.
With the harvest only weeks away, it was time for final preparations. One of the last things they did prior to harvesting was lay a reflective solar film down on the ground beneath the trees. This bounced sunlight back into them from below, which improved the apples’ coloration. While that didn’t necessarily do anything for the taste, it made the apples look better, which made them sell better.
It wasn’t a hard job, but it was time-consuming. A perfect task for the new farmhand. While Big Mac was out running errands and Applejack was attending the funeral, they’d left Trail Blazer to lay out the solar film. All Applejack had to do was follow it to find him.
When she did, she also found Apple Bloom was still lending him a hand. “Looks like y’all got a lot done today.”
Trail Blazer turned and grinned. A golden brown hand reached up to wipe the sweat off his brow, brushing aside his reddish brown hair. “Thanks to Apple Bloom here. She gave me a lot of pointers that really helped.”
Predictably, Apple Bloom let the compliment go straight to her head. “Yeah, looks like I single-handedly saved the harvest again.”
Applejack smirked. “Single-handedly, huh? I dunno, looks to me like only one of you is doing enough work to break a sweat.”
Apple Bloom shrugged. “Aww, that’s just ‘cause it’s so easy for me that I didn’t sweat at all!”
“Oh yeah? Then I guess you wouldn’t mind doing the rest yourself then.”
Apple Bloom raised her hands, palms out. “Well you see, I would, but I have to finish that book report before school starts!”
Applejack placed her hands on her hips. “Hold on a second, didn’t you tell Granny that ya already finished that report before going to Sweetie Belle’s sleepover last weekend?”
That wiped the grin clear off Apple Bloom’s face. “I, uh… I think I hear Granny calling me!” Without waiting for a response, Apple Bloom turned to run off, shouting a goodbye to Trail Blazer as she left.
“Hope she wasn’t a nuisance while ya worked,” Applejack said. She didn’t believe for a moment that Apple Bloom had actually done any work without Applejack or Big Mac around to supervise her.
“Not at all,” Trail Blazer said as he went back to placing down the solar film. “She gave me some tips that helped speed things along, and it was nice to have some company.”
Applejack helped straighten out the film as they walked. “We won’t usually leave ya on your own like this, unless we put you on deliveries later. Most jobs on the farm go better with at least a few people, and between me, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom, there’s sure to be someone around most of the time.”
“Sounds good. I love the scenery around here, but it definitely goes by faster with someone to work with. Now if you tell me there’s some way to beat this heat, this job will be perfect.”
Applejack chuckled. At least there was cloud overcast keeping things from being too hot. Looked like it might rain, too. “Afraid not. Course we always have plenty of cold drinks that you’re more than welcome to, but there’s no stopping that summer sun.”
“Suppose there’s always a catch, huh? Speaking of, aren’t you hot out here in all black?”
Applejack shrugged. “Not exactly what I’d normally wear to work, but it isn’t so bad with the breeze.”
“Fair enough.”
Applejack looked over the orchard. Trail Blazer had covered a lot of ground throughout the day, but they’d be working on it for at least the rest of the week. “Still, I’d rather not get my fancy clothes too sweaty. What d’ya say we call it a day and head inside for a bit to get you cooled off?”
Trail Blazer stood up straighter. “You won’t hear me complaining about that.”
The two of them made their way back to the house, being careful not to step on the solar film. Things could turn around. The harvest was around the corner, which was sure to be a good time for Sweet Apple Acres. And while her friends were going through a hell of an ordeal, she knew they were strong enough to make it through. The day had been a low point, but that didn’t mean it would stay that way.
No matter what, Applejack had to believe that.
There was really no reason for Applejack to be awake. It was almost midnight, and she would have to wake up early in the morning to get to work, as she always did.
And yet, she was lying awake in bed when her text message tone went off. It wouldn’t have been enough to wake her had she been sleeping, but it was enough to get her attention as she stared at her ceiling.
She had a feeling who it would be, and checking only confirmed her suspicion. The message was from Sunset, asking if she was awake. That could only be bad; it was all Applejack could do to hope it wasn’t too bad as she messaged back that she was. Sunset’s reply dashed that hope to bits, however.
‘Can I come over?’
That wasn’t just bad, it was worrying. Sunset knew perfectly well that Applejack needed to be up in the morning, and she wouldn’t ask this lightly. Applejack texted a confirmation to Sunset, then reluctantly pulled herself out of bed.
She found her way to her dresser with only the light of her phone and found a pair of pajama pants to wear. She didn’t bother changing out of the tank top she was in. The clouds had teased rain all afternoon, but they didn’t deliver. It was a hot summer night, and she doubted Sunset would care how she was dressed.
Since the rest of the Apples would be sleeping, Applejack left her room and crept through the house as quietly as she could. Better to meet Sunset outside where they could talk openly without worrying about waking the others.
Once outside, she took a seat on the porch and waited. Although she had been unable to sleep while she was in bed, now that she was out of it, she suddenly felt much more tired. She checked her phone in time to see the minute roll over to midnight, and hoped that whatever Sunset needed to talk about, they’d be able to discuss it quickly. She knew better, but it never hurt to have hope.
Sunset must have been coming from somewhere other than her house, or else she had sped the whole way. There was no other way to explain how quickly she arrived. Unfortunately, Applejack liked neither option, and either was likely.
Still, she smiled welcomingly for her friend as she walked off the porch to greet her. Sunset stopped in the driveway and dismounted her motorcycle. She had a soft cooler bag strapped around one shoulder, and when she took off her helmet, she had no smile of her own to show.
“Hey there, Sunset,” Applejack said as they met halfway. She noticed Sunset was still wearing her black clothes from the funeral.
“Hey, Applejack.” Sunset already spoke with a defeated tone.
In an unspoken agreement, they walked around to the back of the house. There was a picnic table they could both sit at while being away from the house and the people sleeping inside it.
They didn’t speak as they walked. Whether it was because Sunset didn’t want to risk making too much noise for the Apple family, or because like Applejack she simply wasn’t sure what to say, they walked to the back of the house in silence.
Sunset set her helmet and the cooler on the picnic table, then took a seat, Applejack taking the one next to her. Sunset opened the cooler and pulled out a bottle of wine and two plastic cups.
“Classy,” Applejack said as she took the cup Sunset handed her.
“Didn’t feel like picking broken glass out of my cooler,” Sunset pointed out as she opened the bottle.
“Fair enough. What’re we drinking?”
Sunset held up the bottle for Applejack to see, although it was too dark to make out anything other than the light pink color. “It’s a Rosé.”
Applejack nodded her understanding and held out her cup. Sunset filled it, then her own, and they drank together.
The wine was dry, which had never been Applejack’s favorite. She didn’t comment though, deciding it was appropriate under the circumstances.
“So how’d things go after I left?” Applejack asked.
“Awkward. But no big surprise there.”
“No one gave you a hard time?”
“Nah. Mostly just spent the afternoon with Flash, Snips, and Snails.”
Applejack nodded. “I never knew they lived at New Horizons with you.”
“Yeah. To tell the truth, I honestly have no idea why they were there.” Sunset seemed to have some sort of negative feelings on that, and she took another drink of her wine. “They tried to tell me once when we first met, but I shot them down. A little late to start getting personal on them now.”
“Was I just imagining it, or were they not really thrilled to see me?”
Sunset turned to her and smirked. “Sorry, but I think they kinda blame you girls for taking me away from them.”
“Thought that might be it. Suppose I can see how they feel that way. So why did you stop hanging out with them? Doubt it was for our sake.”
Sunset swirled around her wine and took another drink. “They just… remind me too much of how I used to be. And, you know, I don’t think our relationship was ever really good for any of us.”
“Guess that makes sense.” Applejack took a sip of her own drink as well. “But you know, you’re not that person anymore. It was probably good for y’all to get the chance to catch up a bit.”
“I guess.”
It was clear Sunset didn’t really agree, but that didn’t really matter. It wasn’t like she had come over to talk about Snips and Snails. It wasn’t even likely she wanted to talk about anything that had happened at New Horizons at all.
No, they both knew this meeting was only about one thing. Applejack took another drink, and her tone shifted to be more serious as she asked, “So how’s Fluttershy doing?”
Sunset took a long drink of wine before answering. “She’s asleep.”
“Figured as much.”
“Funerals… are hard for her. Especially now.”
Applejack nodded. “Yeah, that’s understandable. She held it together pretty well, though. You both did.”
Sunset set her drink off to the side and folded her hands on the table. “I don’t know what to do with her. I know she’s hurting so much, but… I don’t know how to help her this time…”
Applejack placed a hand on Sunset’s shoulder. “Ya just gotta be there for her. That’s all she wants.”
Sunset shook her head. “No. That’s not all she wants.” She turned towards Applejack and looked so tired. “I can’t give her what she really wants. No one can.”
Applejack held her gaze for a moment before speaking. “It gets easier. But you two need to lean on each other until it does.”
If the words had any positive effect, Sunset didn’t show them. Instead, she turned away and finished draining her cup of wine.
The effort was obvious in Sunset’s voice when she spoke, forcing herself to sound more positive. “Got some good news, actually.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Twilight finished that Equestria-wide tour she’s been on over the weekend. They’re back in Ponyville now, and she wants to come visit.”
Well look at that, maybe things really were looking up. “That’ll be nice. Been a while since we got to see her.”
Sunset nodded and refilled her cup. “Yeah. Finally, something to look forward to.”
Applejack frowned as she watched Sunset drink. “You sure that’s a good idea?”
Sunset frowned. “Why wouldn’t it be? Like you said, we haven’t seen Twilight in a while. Should be fun.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “The wine. Talkin’ ‘bout you drivin’ home.”
“Oh.” Sunset grinned. “Come on, AJ, you know I can handle my booze. And not that I’m planning on going crazy or anything, but I’ve driven that bike completely wasted before. Never crashed once.” Sunset winced and her tone grew dark. “Well, never crashed on the bike, I mean…”
That was painful to hear. Applejack knew Sunset still blamed herself for the car crash, but she didn’t know how to change her mind. So instead, she drained her own cup and held it out for a refill – the least she could do was make sure there was less wine for Sunset to drink.
“Anyway,” Sunset said, her tone brightening as she filled Applejack’s cup, “it’s late and hardly anyone’s even on the road.”
“I guess that’s true.” Applejack took a large gulp of wine. “But you know, you’re more than welcome to crash here if you need to.”
“Thanks, but I really should get home to Shy. She’ll worry if she wakes up and I’m gone.”
“Gotcha. Then just be careful.”
“Yeah yeah, I promise.” Sunset took another drink, then smiled again. “There’s something else about Twilight, though. She’s bringing Fluttershy. Her Fluttershy, obviously.”
“That should prove interesting. Suppose you already told our Fluttershy?”
Sunset nodded. “Yeah. I can tell she feels weird about it, but I mean, that’s to be expected. She doesn’t have any problems with it, though.”
“Good. Don’t rightly know what I’d think if the other Applejack came to visit.”
Sunset grinned. “Yeah, one of you is about all I can handle.”
Applejack nudged her playfully. “And more than you deserve.”
They both laughed, which helped dissipate some of the tension. It was good to hear Sunset laughing and joking around again. Definitely worth missing some sleep over.
“So when are they coming?” Applejack asked.
“Friday.” Sunset looked off to the side. “They wanted to come on Sunday, but I have work, so we thought Friday would be better.”
It didn’t escape Applejack’s attention that Sunset had said ‘Sunday’ instead of ‘my birthday’. Frankly, she was surprised that Twilight knew that was coming up. Sunset had never liked her birthday, and made a point of telling as few people as possible about it. It had taken months of prodding for Pinkie to find out when they first became friends.
But since Sunset had opted to not address the looming day, Applejack followed suit. “Kinda short notice, but I reckon we can get everyone together for that. We meeting up here?”
“If that’s alright.”
Applejack nodded. “Sure, don’t see why not.” Sweet Apple Acres was the most obvious place, since they couldn’t meet up at CHS anymore and Sunset’s house was on the small side for group gatherings.
Sunset hesitated before speaking again. “And… they don’t know Shy and I are dating…”
“Say what now?”
Sunset fidgeted in place. “I know, I should’ve told them, but…” She sighed. “Twilight is really insecure about Fluttershy. And obviously the two Fluttershys are completely different, but… I don’t know, I just don’t want them to get all weird.”
“So what do they know?”
Sunset grimaced. “I… told them I’m dating someone named ‘Morning Breeze’…”
Applejack shook her head and held out her hand. “Sunset, that’s… that’s so stupid! Does Fluttershy know about that?”
“Of course she does.”
“And what’s she think of you keeping it a secret that you’re dating her?”
The fact that Sunset didn’t answer right away said plenty all on its own. Applejack turned away from her. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“I know what I’m talking about!” Sunset said defensively. “I know that Twilight always comes across as calm and collected, but trust me, I know another side of her. She’d freak out if she knew I was dating her marefriend’s double.”
“I’m not even arguing with you there.” Applejack couldn’t figure out how Sunset wasn’t seeing what the real problem was here. “I’d hope she could be an adult about this, but like you said, I don’t know her like you do. But you know, you’re choosing to protect Twilight’s feelings over Fluttershy’s. Don’t tell me you don’t see how screwed up that is.”
“I am not! I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Fluttershy!”
“Not doing anything is hurting Fluttershy! You two have been together for almost a year, you’re building a life together, for Christ’s sake, you were gonna raise a daughter tog–”
“Shut up!” Sunset jumped to her feet, fists clenched. “I know that! Don’t you think I fucking know that!?”
Applejack gritted her teeth. “Well, I fucking hope so, but after hearing that I gotta wonder.”
Sunset grabbed her helmet. “Excuse me for thinking you’d have my back.”
As she turned to walk away, Applejack stood up and grabbed her arm. “Don’t be like that. You know I’ve got your back, always. But you’re making a mistake here. It’s not too late to fix it though, you just gotta tell Twilight what’s been going on.”
“No.” Sunset pulled her arm back. “If you’re not going to keep quiet about it, then I’ll figure out somewhere else to bring them.”
Applejack could’ve stopped Sunset easily. She knew the right things to say that would make Sunset turn around, and if it came to force, she was stronger.
But where would that get her? Sure, she could make Sunset stay, but she couldn’t make her listen. And arguing was never going to change her mind.
The best she could hope for as she watched Sunset storm away was that Sunset would sleep on her words and change her mind. It wasn’t likely, but she had to have hope. It was all she had in times like this.
She sighed and sat back down, noticing the cooler and wine bottle were still on the table. She picked the mostly empty bottle up and sighed, realizing that neither of them had finished their second cups.
There wasn’t any point in pretending to enjoy the wine anymore, so she dumped both cups out, along with the ice from the cooler. She capped the wine and put it back in the empty cooler, figuring she could give it back to Sunset on Friday if she didn’t see her sooner.
Applejack looked up into the night sky, hoping to see stars. But all she saw were storm clouds as the first droplets of rain finally started. It didn’t matter. If anyone was there looking down on them, they must make for a pretty sorry sight.
Well, if there was anyone up among the stars looking down on them, Applejack was going to go where they couldn’t see her. She grabbed the cooler and made her way back to the house, where she could go back to lying awake in bed with only hopeless hopes for comfort.