//------------------------------//
// Personal Priorities 
// Story: Myou've Gotta be Kidding Me 
// by DataPacRat 
//------------------------------//

After taking a few moments to reassure Red that I was doing just fine, I quickly rejoined the woody alicorn. After walking next to her for a few long moments in silence, I asked, "Was the purpose of those... tests really just to delay me?"

She didn't bat a slit-pupiled eye. "This time, perhaps. More usually, they are to prevent mortals from becoming an annoyance by visiting too often, by filtering out all save those who are worth my paying attention to as individuals."

My forehead wrinkled. "By which you mean... those who are either decent enough individuals to pass, those who are evil enough to kick the sap out of your Forest Guardians, or those who are clever enough to bypass them?"

A mere fraction of a flicker of a smile. "Something like that. Where are the Bearers of the other Elements of Harmony?"

"The last I heard - trying to convince an air-pirate to be less violent."

"Why are you not assisting them with that?"

"I was doing something else when they came up with the idea and left... that, and I hadn't become a Bearer yet."

"Interesting."

We continued down the path. I noticed that she didn't lift her legs to step over the smaller roots that curled across it; her hooves and legs passed through them as if they weren't there. The plant growth was quite solid to my hooves, so I had to focus a bit more on my walking than usual to avoid tripping and stumbling.

She inquired, "Is there a motto that you live by?"

"Actually, there is: '"Why should I believe that?" is the most important question'."

"Hm... no, that's not right." I was about to object, when her eye turned to look at me, and said, "Perhaps there is a cultural movement you are a part of, which separates you from other Children of the Alicorn. An aspect of your identity you would hold to in the face of all who lack a true understanding of its benefits."

"I... suppose there is. I'm not used to thinking in those terms. Maybe... hackerdom, in the classic sense? The Baconian project? The Enlightenment?"

"This first one you mentioned - could you describe how a member sees the world, differently from those outside it?"

I took a moment to ruminate on it. "Maybe: Tomorrow can be better than today, if you can figure out how to make it that way."

"Ah." She smiled. "That is one mystery solved."

"That's nice." I waited a few long moments, and when she didn't seem inclined to say anything, "Which mystery is that, then?"

"The identity of your Element, of course."

I ran our conversation through my mind, and suggested, "Ethic of Hard Work?"

"Who would work at all, if they had no hope of making a better life? Here we are." We had been walking alongside one of the train-sized roots for a bit, and had now come to where it lifted from the ground entirely, revealing a dark opening underneath. "There are caves under the World Tree. In some caves are springs or wells. You said you came to learn; this path takes you to a well which, if you drink from it, is said to give the Wisdom of the Ages."

"Said by who?"

"The one who drank from it - a one-eyed stallion, I believe. Frenzy? Fury? It was some time ago..."

"Did he share what he... 'learned'?"

"Not with me."

"Do you have any actual evidence that he was wiser after drinking than before?"

"None comes to mind."

"Then while I thank you for the suggestion - I think I shall respectfully decline at this time, pending any further testing that is permitted to determine the validity of the claim. I have enough to worry about with my mind already."

"You refer to your species' dependence on magic for intelligence?"

"Oh - you already know about it."

"Of course I do. You need not worry - there is more magic here in this grove than is spread throughout the realm of Celestia."

"It's back to 'the realm of Celestia and Luna', now, if you hadn't heard."

"Ah, yes. The change in the moon. Thousand-year habits are hard to break."

"I'll... take your word for it. I wouldn't mind finding out personally, but I haven't learned a decent trick for such immortality yet."

"Hm... in the heights of World Tree sits Amalorg. She possesses a seed, which, with her presence here, has extended her lifespan well beyond its allotted span. Were you to take that seed from her, you could gain such longevity for yourself."

I squinted through my rain-dotted glasses up towards the enormous tree's foliage. "Is there just the one seed?"

"Yes."

"And would this... Amalorg die without it?"

"Eventually."

"Then taking it from her, calculatedly, would be a form of capital punishment - and I do not consider myself competent to sit as her judge, jury, and executioner. I may change my mind, eventually, when the snows of age start chilling my bones - but while I'm still young enough to enjoy the freedom of my conscience, I would prefer to act in accordance with it."

"Of what use is your conscience, when it will die when you do?"

"Who says it will? If the principles I live by are conducive to the continued existence of society, then assuming society survives, it will tend to consist increasingly of people who share them. And if those principles do the opposite, then I wouldn't want them to be perpetuated anyway."

"That assumes 'society' continues at all."

"Well, yes - but I have every incentive to hope it does, and try to help it to."

"Why not simply ignore it, and graze whatever grassland suits you?"

"I'd be dead many times over without it. It passes on useful knowledge, such as how to cure diseases. Positive-sum exchanges, trade with useful resources from distant places, the community of scientific inquiry, the common defense... whether I bear an Element or not, even if I was a completely heartless and emotionless creature, it would still be in my rational self-interest to support community."

"You are a very strange little cow."

"That almost goes without saying, I'd think, given that I'm guessing very few cows ever come here at all."

"Perhaps."

"I do appreciate the offers you have made for me, even if I haven't accepted them. While I'm here - is there anything I can do for you?"

"Perhaps. Do you have any powerful magic, other than your Element?"

"Not really - I can sing, and get other ponies to sing and dance along."

"That tends to works rather poorer outside of Equestria compared to within it. Are you a powerful warrior?"

"... I'm afraid not, though I do have a few tricks up my sleeve."

"Perhaps you are a stealthy sort, sneaking into places others would keep you from?"

I glanced at myself. "With this bulk - er, not so much."

"Can you call upon plants or animals to do your bidding?"

"... I can tell a possum to play dead." My attempt at joke fell flatter than roadkill.

"What is it that you do, then?"

"Mostly - move information from where it's known to where it can do good... and I seem to be a fair hoof at digging out useful secrets. I've also accepted responsibility for raising some pups, who are waiting for me back on my air-ship."

"I see." She looked off into the distance. "Perhaps there is a small item you can deal with better than I."

She started walking again, and I perforce followed. She led the way to a new under-root opening, and walked into it without hesitation; I did hesitate, but I also went along. After merely a dozen body-lengths or so, she stopped in front of an alcove in the dirt wall - in which a trio of adolescent ponies were curled up, sleeping. It was too dim to make out their colors, but it looked like a unicorn, a pegasus, and an earth-pony.

The alicorn said, "They passed through the edge of the forest I tend, and drank from what they should not have. I would have left them to their fate, but that spring is sensitive, and would have caused annoyingly widespread difficulties if polluted by corpses. So I placed them in hibernation and brought them here, to await Celestia's next visit, to return to her. But she has not come in some time - so perhaps I shall entrust them to you, instead."

"Are they poisoned? There is a medical kit on the air-ship, and a unicorn who knows some healing spells, but..."

"What affects them is nothing so mundane - but from what I have learned of you, is well within your capabilities to deal with."

"... Care to be a little more specific?"

"Not really." Her woody horn glowed for a brief moment. "They will now awaken after they have left the grove, and when you and you alone are near them. That should suffice." Her horn glowed more steadily, and the ponies lifted into the air. She turned around and carried them back to the tunnel's entrance - and as I followed along, back towards the wall of thorns.

"I get the feeling," I said, "that I'm being dismissed."

"I do have an entire forest to maintain. If you wish to return after you have finished with these three, I will not stop you."





With the tunnel through the thorny vines closed behind me, Red asked, "So was there any treasure?"

"Not that I noticed."

"Who was that who hovered these three out here?"

"You know, I never thought to ask her name." I eyed the sleeping ponies - red, white, and blue - then looked out at the jungle, and said, "I think we're going to need the block and tackle."





They'd been hauled up to the Alicorn, and settled into what was nominally my sleeping room. After Micro had given them a cursory exam, which confirmed the alicorn's statement that they didn't have anything medically wrong with them, I chased everypony out and closed the door.

They opened their eyes, looked at me... 

"Goddess...", they breathed in awestruck tones, apparently at my astonishingly average appearance...

"Er... what?"