//------------------------------// // Part 5 (Neigh, We Are But Mares, Rock) // Story: Chaos and Laughter // by Charcoal Quill //------------------------------// Chaos and Laughter By Charcoal Quill Part 5 Sergeant Lancer of the Royal Guard paced along a short stretch of path in the Canterlot Sculpture Gardens. His brand-new assignment was to guard one particular statue: in this case, it depicted a draconequus. Though he’d never payed it much attention before, as far as Lancer could remember, the statue was more or less unremarkable - besides the odd addition of a party hat and a small stack of rocks at its base, there was little that set it apart from the other statues in the garden. Lancer wasn’t sure what made this statue so important, but Princess Luna had ordered him to guard it with his life. And as a Royal Guard, he would do exactly that – firstly, due to his unflinching loyalty to the crown, and secondly, because the Princess of the Moon could be one scary– But of course, you can’t think about superiors like that, especially when they’re royalty... and even more so when they’re paying your salary. Lancer silently chided himself for his brief lapse of judgement. That thought was interrupted by a yawn. Idly, Lancer wondered when his shift would be over. At that moment, a second guard approached. As he drew closer, Lancer recognized him as Corporal Pike. “Hey, there,” Lancer called out. “Any news?” “None, Sir,” Pike replied. “Just the same orders as before...” He gestured to a nearby signal flare, really no more than a simple firework. “...‘send up the flare at the first sign of trouble’. However, I’m here to take your place, so you don’t have to worry about it.” Lancer sighed in relief. “Finally! Gee, if I’d known that being a royal guard was so boring, I’d have tried a different job, like lumberj–” BANG. A gryphon and a draconequus appeared in a bright flash. And they were right by the statue. The statue that Lancer was supposed to be guarding with his life. Part of Lancer said, Finally, some action! Another part said, Oh horseapples, I’m gonna die! Lancer took a tentative step forward, then cleared his throat. “Stop! S-step away from the statue!” he shouted, albeit a tad uncertainly. The draconequus turned its terrifying gaze towards the pair of guards. With a wicked grin, it extended a hooked claw towards them. Lancer gasped. “Oh, horseapp–” Everything went black. --- Gilda walked over and checked the guard’s pulse. “Still alive,” she observed. “Good. For a minute, you scared me there, Pinks.” Pinkie Pie stared down at the guards uneasily. They were almost certainly two of the Princesses’ best, and she was able to defeat them with but an idle thought… and, of course, with the slightest bit of her extra chaos energy. The guards slumbered peacefully, but with all this power… it would be so easy to do more… and more… and more… ...and there was nothing anypony could do to stop her. “Hey! Pinks!” Gilda waved a claw in front of Pinkie’s face. “Are you even listening to me?” Pinkie blinked, and then focused on Gilda. “Huh? …Oh. Sorry! Were you saying something?” “Well, yes, but...” Gilda peered at Pinkie, frowning. “You okay, Pinkie? You seem a little... off, somehow. Do you...” Her voice trailed off, and she looked away. “...Do I what?” Pinkie said. Gilda scratched at the back of her neck. “Well, okay. This may be a bit of an odd question, but do you... well, do you feel like yourself?” Pinkie snorted. “‘Feel like myself’? Ha! What’s that supposed to... um...” She paused. The longer Pinkie thought about it...When was the last time she’d blown up a balloon, or tried a new pastry recipe, or told a good joke, or sang a song, or... or even thought of the Cakes, or Gummy, or any her friends besides Rainbow Dash? When was the last time she’d shared the joy of laughter? She couldn’t remember. Even more disturbingly, some small part of her didn’t even care. Pinkie’s eyes widened. Her hands – claws – whatever the blasted things were, they started shaking. “I-I-I…” she stammered, panic rising, “…No! I don’t feel like me! G, w-what’s wrong with me?!” “Whoa!” Gilda stepped back, eyes widening. “Do y–” “No!” Pinkie shouted. “N-no, something’s not... I-I... Oh no oh no oh no...” As panic overtook her, coherent thought ceased to be possible. She curled up into a ball, clutching at her head. “It’s all gone wrong... gone wrong... Why?! Where d-d-did–” Gilda slapped Pinkie across the face. The gryphon grabbed her by the shoulders and hauled her into a sitting position. “Get a hold of yourself, Pinks!” Gilda shouted, staring deeply into Pinkie’s eyes. “Calm down. Look, I know it’s gotta be hard, but you just need to hold on for just a little longer. Can you do that?” Pinkie shuddered. “…O-okie Dokie Lokie,” she replied. “Good.” Gilda nodded at the statue of Discord. “Then let’s get this over with.” Pinkie turned her gaze on Discord. As she looked him in the eye, a shiver ran down her spine. She swallowed nervously, but stepped forwards. She reached out her senses towards the statue– Pinkie barely had time to notice the hellishly-glowing rune before it exploded. --- Mr. Satin stood upon the Palace roof, dispassionately watching the blossoming explosion. As the smoke cleared, he turned away from his work and towards his compatriot. “Well?” Mr. Silk regarded the scene through the scope of his custom-made sniper rifle. “Wait a minute… A bit longer… Ah!” He squinted. “Well, it appears that you’ve destroyed a large patch of grass, but not much else.” Mr. Satin snorted. “Of course not. That rune only destroys living matter, so the scenery would be mostly untouched. You know that. What about the Targets?” “That’s what I meant. The Primary still lives. She put up some sort of forcefield. Both she and the Secondary are unhurt… So are the guards, for some reason.” Mr. Satin sighed. “A pity. I was hoping that the blast would at least take out the gryphon.” “Well…” Mr. Silk leveled his rifle and aimed it. “That’s what this little beauty is for.” A little red dot appeared on the gryphon’s head. Eris whipped around, her gaze focusing on the dot. “Oh, blast,” Mr. Silk cursed. Quickly, he pulled the trigger. Mr. Silk was fast, and the bullet was fast, but somehow Eris was faster. She swept her ally out of the way right as the bullet cracked on stone. The gryphon tumbled for a few feet before skidding to a halt, and Eris spared her a quick glance before turning her gaze to where the two ponies stood. Mr. Silk glanced towards his partner. “Can they see us?” he asked. “No,” replied Mr. Satin. “Cloaking spell is up.” The draconequus narrowed her eyes, then snarled. “…Are you sure?” asked Mr. Silk, an edge of doubt in his voice. --- Pinkie glared at the tower. It was laughably easy to see through the crude Order spell. Was it really supposed to hide those two ponies? The ones that just tried to kill her and her minion? The foals. The draconequus reached for her deep reserve of chaos magic. How simple it would be to destroy the insolent– Wait! I can’t kill them. Of course not. There’s more than one way to destroy a pony, and death’s too good for those foals... Pinkie shook her head, trying to clear it. No! I’m not gonna do anything like that. Then are you going to let them keep shooting at you? No, but... Smiling, Pinkie Pie snapped her fingers. ...Let them eat cake. A moment later, Pinkie watched with grim satisfaction as the pair of hitponies crawled away, covered in mounds of cake and frosting. “Got ‘em,” she said. “Yes. Yes, you did,” Gilda observed dryly. “But if they’re here in the first place, it means that they’re playing for keeps. When other ponies arrive – and trust me, they will – they won’t be taking prisoners.” She jerked a thumb towards Discord’s statue once more. “So we’d better make it quick.” Pinkie turned back towards the statue of Discord. She paused nervously, but extended her senses out towards the petrified statue– “What’s happening to everypony?!” “Ah guess you just bring out the worst in us, Spike.” Pinkie blinked. The memory had caught her off-guard. But concentrating once more, she extended her senses out towards the petrif– “Do you even know what you just stole?” “No, but if you want it, I want it!” She extended her senses out towa– “Oh, boo hoo hoo! Why don’t you just wave your magic little horn and make everything all right? Oh, that’s right, you can’t. You don’t have one.” She extended her sen – “Lemme go! I don’t need you guys! leave me alone!” She ext– “FINE! Leave! See if I care! I don’t need you guys either. With friends like you, who needs… enemies…?” Pinkie glared at the statue in front of her, seething. This… monster hadn’t shown her friends any mercy! Why should she show him any? If there was any justice, she should turn the Canterlot Sculpture Gardens into the Canterlot Gravel Pit… …But no. If Discord was finely spread over a mile-wide radius, then he couldn’t help Pinkie get back to normal. Well, here goes nothing, Pinkie thought, and once more extended her senses towards– “Chocolate milk? I hate chocolate milk!” –towards the frickin' statue of Discord. Now that she could focus, Pinkie could easily see the enchantment imprisoning Discord. It was an impressive spell, to be sure – extremely powerful, and incredibly complex. Six cords of shimmering light, each a different color, wound their way around the petrified draconequus, forming an intricate, highly restrictive cage. It was a strong prison, to be sure, but it had a single flaw – if even a single cord was missing, the whole spell would fall apart. Although most of the cords felt strangely immutable, one did not. The last cord, glowing bright blue, felt… familiar. It felt right. It wasn’t rigid and inflexible like the other cords, but... bubbly and fun and oh so good. That was the cord that she had to work with. For the spell to fall apart, all Pinkie had to do was simply grab one end of the string… and pull… A sharp crack erupted from the statue, followed by a malevolent laugh. Chips of stone fell away as Discord opened his mouth, yawning widely. "Ah, Pinkie Pie!" he gushed. "So nice of you to finally stop by... come over here and let me give you a hug, would you?" He stepped forward... ...or tried to, anyway. After a moment of futile staining, he looked down. “What.” Pinkie smiled, but said nothing. Discord looked back up at Pinkie. “…I’m still stone. I can’t move!” “Of course not, silly!” Pinkie chirped, oozing false cheeriness. “I only un-stoned your head! Couldn’t have you going about and doing who knows what, could we?” Eyes narrowing, she leaned in close to Discord. “So now we’re going to sit here and talk.” At this, she steepled her fingers and grinned. Gilda whistled appreciatively. “Geez, Pinks. I dunno what to say. That’s… clever. A bit harsh, but still clever. Now I wish I’d thought of that.” Discord’s ears pricked up. “Oh? Do I detect the dulcet tones of Gilda the Gryphon?” He craned to see. “Why, yes! Hello again, Gilda. Have you been eating well?” Gilda glared at Discord. “Mind if I knock some sense into him?” she asked Pinkie. “You’d better not,” Discord warned her, smiling enigmatically. “Oh, yeah?” Gilda stepped forward, cracking her knuckles. She drew back a fist– WHUMPH. Reeling, Gilda slammed into the ground. She lay there, unmoving, in a sticky red puddle. “Gilda!” Pinkie shouted, rushing to her side. She bent down, examining her fallen friend. Gilda wouldn't wake up. Her situation looked grim – she was covered in a bright, sticky crimson, and... ...Wait. Where’s the wound? Aside from a nasty bump on the head, Gilda appeared to be unscathed. Her chest was rising and falling – she was unconscious, but alive. So what is this? Cautiously, Pinkie dipped a finger in the red. And tasted it. Pinkie’s eyes widened. Cherry... “Well, look what we have here!” Discord said. “It’s quite the turnout, isn’t it?” Pinkie Pie looked up to see the First Division of the Pony Militia standing several hundred yards away. At the front was the Pinkie’s own friend, Applejack , hefting an apple cobbler. “Attack!” she ordered, and the sky itself was darkened by pies. --- Twilight Sparkle stared up at the tower that stood in front of her, a tall, imposing spire of blue marble. It was, to say the least, a grand tower. A proper one. It... well, towered. Though the tower’s sudden appearance in the hedge maze worried Twilight, this was the place where Trixie had said to meet her. And making a magical tower appear out of nowhere does seem like the sort of thing that Trixie would do if she had the power… and now she does, Twilight thought dryly. Twilight probed the tower with her mind. Sure enough, it hadn’t always been a tower - in fact, it used to be Trixie’s wagon. “Well, that confirms it.” Twilight raised a hoof to knock, but the door swung open silently. Shrugging, she trotted through the door and to the nearest staircase. As Twilight ascended level after level, she ignored the rich, opulent décor that surrounded her. Sure, it looked nice, but it was only a transfiguration spell – impressive, but practically impossible to maintain for more than a day. Even that figure was hopelessly optimistic. Trixie may be having a great time using the brooch Luna gave her, Twilight thought, but she’s still just one unicorn. If she doesn’t ease up, she’ll exhaust herself at this rate... As she stepped onto the final floor of the tower, Twilight’s eyes locked onto the sight of a ladder and a trapdoor in the ceiling. She hadn’t seen Trixie yet, so she was probably up there. Twilight clambered through the trapdoor and onto the roof, where Trixie stood cackling with glee, her horn glowing and sparking. “Yes! Attack, my pony puppets! Fight for the glory of Trixie!” “And what glory would that be?” Twilight asked. Trixie jumped. “Gah! ...Oh, it’s just you, Sparkle.” The showpony let out a sigh of relief. “Sorry I’m late,” Twilight said. “I got held up.” “No need to apologize, Sparkle,” Trixie replied offhandedly. “But since you’re here, you can start following orders and watch my back.” Twilight stared at Trixie with concern. The showpony’s legs trembled a little, and her eyes were starting to glaze over. “Are you okay, Trixie?” Twilight said. “You seem a little... tired.” “I’m fine.” “It’s just that you’re spending a lot of energy on this tower, and if you’re also controlling your illusions at the same time–” Twilight continued. “Don't worry yourself over the Great and Powerful Trixie,” Trixie insisted, wobbling slightly. “She has excellent stamina. She could do this for the rest of the day, and probably all night if she wanted to!” She turned away. “Anyway, I don’t have time to rest. There is a battle going on, you know.” “Well… okay,” Twilight said hesitantly, walking over to stand by Trixie. “Speaking of which, how’s that going, anyway?” Trixie nodded towards the Sculpture Gardens, sweat beading on her brow. “See for yourself.” Twilight squinted. As far as she could tell, the dragons and Rainbow Dash’s squad still hadn’t arrived, but Applejack and most of the other ponies were already there. The ponies flung pies with enthusiasm at their Eris, but though they kept their distance, most of Trixie’s phantoms did not. The illusions stood much closer to the foe, and were throwing themselves at her with grim determination. Or at least, they were trying to. A shimmering dome of light, several hundred yards across, encased Eris and the statue of Discord, and nothing seemed to be getting past it. Illusory hooves glanced uselessly off its surface, and genuine pies splattered equally harmlessly. “She’s… she’s not attacking,” Twilight said. “She’s not even lashing out against the illusions, just standing under the dome, focused on Discord... Why?” “Perhaps she’s saving her strength for releasing Discord?” Trixie suggested. “It looks like she’s already partially finished. She’s probably going keep the barrier up long enough to free her fellow draconequus, and then the two of them will destroy the army…” The showpony shrugged. “That’s what Trixie would do, anyway.” Twilight’s eyes widened. “You... you think she may be freeing Discord anyway? If we can’t break down the barrier in time…” She took a step back. “I have to go help! I need to go warn the Princesses!” She turned away, calling over her shoulder. “Stay here, Trixie! I’m needed out there!” “What?!” Trixie exclaimed. She caught onto Twilight’s tail with her magic. “But aren’t you supposed to stay here with me? That was the plan!” “Plans change,” Twilight said dryly. “You can take care of yourself. You’re a clever pony.” Trixie turned up her nose. “But of course I can handle it...” She sighed. “Fine, whatever. Do what you must. Just don't try anything too foalish; I'd hate to have to tell the tale of how you heroically died.” “Duly noted,” Twilight said. She yanked her tail out from Trixie’s magic. “Now, if you’ll excuse me...” “Just a moment longer, Sparkle,” Trixie said. “At least let me lend you a little aid…” She shot a stream of sparks at Twilight. Twilight felt power seep into her muscles and supercharge her body. She felt like she could run for hours, if she needed to. “Thanks,” she said curtly before disappearing in a bright flash. Trixie watched Twilight gallop off. “Five minutes,” she muttered. “If you’re not back by then, Sparkle, then I’m taking matters into my own hooves...” --- Discord watched pie after pie splatter on the magical barrier. “Why, they seem to be a little bit annoyed with you,” he said mildly. “Yeah,” Pinkie replied, staring pensively out at the crowd. “About how long do you think you can keep this shield up?” Discord said. Pinkie shrugged. “I dunno. A while. I absorbed lots of chaos, so we should have plenty of time.” “So you’ve stripped the chaos from the land,” Discord said, frowning thoughtfully. “But they’re still attacking you... Was it something you said, perhaps?” Pinkie blinked. “No. I don’t think so, anyway… Gilda’s the only one who can understand me!” She paused. “Well, besides you, anyway.” “Ah, yes. Of course,” Discord said distantly. “I suppose that’s what you wanted to talk to me about, isn’t it?” “Oh. Right! So, about that…” Pinkie paused a moment. “Well, I guess I’m sorta asking…” As she searched for words, her voice trailed off, and only the sound of splattering pies could be heard. Pinkie turned her to examine her attackers, feeling curiously detached from the situation. At the barrier’s edge, ponies tried to break through… or so it seemed. The slightest squint revealed a pink aura of illusion magic around them. However, the pie-flinging ponies were all too real. Many of them she recognized, many she could actually name, and many she had even partied with. But now they were trying to attack her... A little voice inside the Pinkie’s head whispered to her, quiet but insistent. They’re trying to kill you. They aren’t your friends. They’re trying to kill you… Suddenly, something inside Pinkie snapped. She whirled to face Discord. “What did you DO to me?!” she screamed, inches from his face. “Is something the matter?” Discord chuckled. “I for one quite enjoy being a draconequus, and I thought you would, too! Or has such power not met your expectations? Don’t you like it?” “Like it?” repeated Pinkie, voice rising. “LIKE it?!” Pinkie turned away, shuddering, and did her best to dispel her anger. A minute or two of deep breaths, she faced Discord once more. “…Well, okay, I guess the chaos is kinda fun when you get the hang of it,” she admitted. “But you know that’s not the only thing you’ve done!” She gestured wildly. “I don’t even speak Antiquated Gryphon!” “Alright, alright,” conceded Discord. “I suppose I owe it you to –” Something crashed against the barrier, louder than before. Discord winced. “Well, it looks like somepony’s already decided to try smashing her way through. Oh, that Rainbow Dash…” --- Dazed, Dash shook her head. Sweet merciful mother of Celestia on a stick, that hurt! “Uh, Captain Dash?” Spitfire said. “If you don’t mind me asking, why the hay did you just do that?” Rainbow glared at her. “Hey, when it comes to brawls, I’m used to fighting ponies, not walls! Do you have any better idea of getting us through that?” Spitfire raised an eyebrow. “Well, Dash, not all of us are thick-headed enough that smashing through a wall head-first is a viable option.” She gestured to her wings. “Get enough speed, and these things can safely slice through dragon scale, you know. Wanna try that out, or just lose a few more brain cells?” Rainbow grinned sheepishly. “Right. Okay.” She launched herself at the dome again, twisting this time to try and cut through the side. --- As Dash glanced off the barrier once more, Pinkie winced. “Dashie?” she said. “Oh dear… she might hurt herself…” She snapped her fingers, and the barrage of pies started to bounce off. However, Pinkie could feel her Chaos reserves start to drain a little bit faster... "I wish you wouldn't call her that," Discord muttered. Pinkie turned to face him. "Who, Dashie? Why not?" "No reason," Discord said. "It's not really all that important. There are greater matters at hand right now, after all." He nodded towards the army outside, then rolled his eyes. “It’s a wonder why nopony has brought more advanced instruments of war than pies and muscle. Thank goodness for small favors. But as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…” As Rainbow twanged against the barrier, Discord sighed. “…I suppose I owe it to you to give you a full explanation…” He grinned wickedly. “…Daughter.” Pinkie’s jaw dropped. My... him... but... Huh?!? “What? You, my dad?!” she finally sputtered. “No… No, that’s not true! That’s IMPOSSIBLE!” Discord snorted. “Oh, don’t be so melodramatic. Of course you aren’t my biological daughter! I simply meant... well, this could take a while.” He sighed. “Let us take it from the top, shall we?” Pinkie nodded, still somewhat stunned. Discord nodded towards Rocky, who was still sitting next to him. “You remember the day you introduced me to your little friend here, don’t you?” “Y-yes,” Pinkie said. Discord smirked. “Of course you do. Even before that day, Pinkie Pie, I knew you were special. Pretty much any Element Bearer has to be, of course,” he mused, “but even among all the Bearers of Laughter I’ve seen, you are a gem! Why, you’re the closest thing I’ve seen to chaos incarnate since, well... me!” He laughed. “We’re a lot alike, you and I,” Discord said. “We both tend to… think outside the box. We both ever so much enjoy a little something to sweeten up the day. And of course, we both love a good laugh.” Suddenly, a screech like tortured metal filled the air. Pinkie looked up to see several dragons clawing at the barrier, while others breathed flame. The air inside the bubble started to become uncomfortably warm, and huge talons stretched the dome to its limits. Pinkie Pie snapped her fingers again. The shield snapped back into shape, throwing several dragons back, and the air cooled. She’d have to be careful to keep the dome hard enough to repel the dragons, she realized, but soft enough for Dash and the other pegasi. Either way, Pinkie’s reserves begin to deplete faster... --- Fluttershy stood, terrible and aloof, upon the castle parapets as the Storm Dragon approached. “Things are not going as expected, Mistress,” it said. “Our foe is proving to be…” It paused. “…adaptable.” Fluttershy turned her gaze the dragon, stony-faced beneath her helm. “Tell me. What is your name?” The Storm Dragon’s pupils shrank to tiny slits. “M-my name?” “Yes, your name,” Fluttershy repeated. She gave the dragon a slight smile. “Don’t worry. It just occured to me that, well, I’d been referring to you as Storm Dragon for this entire time.” She paused, frowning. “Um, y-you do have a name, right? I don’t want to offend you or anything...” The dragon sighed in relief. “Rumble, M-Mistress. My name is Rumble.” Fluttershy nodded. “Thank you. So, Rumble, do you believe that this...” She glanced at the barrier. “...adaptability will present a problem?” “No, of course not!” Rumble said hurriedly. “Very well,” Fluttershy said, turning back towards the battle. “Continue, if you please.” Rumble bowed its head. “As you wish, Mistress.” He turned away. “One more thing, Rumble.” The dragon froze. Cautiously, it spoke. “...Yes, Mistress?” “Dragon fire has proven to be ineffective, yes?” “Y-yes,” Rumble replied. Fluttershy looked over her shoulder at the dragon. “Then what are you waiting for? You are a Storm Dragon, are you not? Adapt.” --- Pinkie turned back towards Discord. “Well… that ‘good laugh’ thing, that’s different!” she said. “I laugh with everypony. You laugh at everypony!” “And that, Miss Pie, is the fundamental difference between us!” said Discord. “Even as a pony, you were an agent of Chaos, just like me. But unlike me, you wielded it for Good, for Harmony.” He chuckled. “And on the day that you threw me that party, you extended that good to even little old me.” A whiff of ozone and a strange crackle prompted Pinkie to look up. A bolt of lightning passed through the dome, barely missing her and scorching a nearby patch of earth. Pinkie groaned. Great. Now the dragons are breathing lightning, too? As a cone of frosty air surged forth from a Rime Drake's maw and hit the barrier, the temperature dropped considerably. And ice... With one more snap of the fingers, the barrier became insulated from electricity. The temperature leveled out once more. “When you did that, as I said before, you opened up your heart to me,” Discord continued. “That meant that, so long as you let me, I could do whatever I wanted to you... even though I was still trapped in stone! In the thousands of years that I’d been around, nobody had ever done that for me. After such a display of love and tolerance, I couldn’t just sit by and let it go unrewarded, now could I?” “...And that’s when you entered my dream,” Pinkie said. Discord smiled. “That I did. As you know, I visited you, and offered my gratitude – and a gift. And that gift was… this!” He nodded to Pinkie’s new form. “And, if I may say so myself, it looks ever so good on you.” Pinkie frowned. “Um... Thank you...?” “You’re welcome,” Discord said. “Anyway, since I couldn’t spread my influence across Equestria, I couldn’t just leave this wonderful world without a fully-functioning draconequus. But if I couldn’t be the one, why not you?” He grinned manically. “So I adopted you! I’ve made you the heir to my legacy and my equal in power. Then I messed with the language centers in your brain, just to add a little confusion to the mix... added few precautions, so that attempts to limit your power, like that feeble dampening rune, wouldn’t work... and then I was done, free to sit back and watch the results.” Pinkie felt a blast of Order magic hit her barrier. She didn’t even bother looking over her shoulder. She just snapped her fingers, and felt her power grow even weaker. --- Luna gritted her teeth. “That should have had a greater effect on the barrier then it did…” “We will stop her, Sister,” Celestia said. “It may just take a little more time.” She turned to the pair of unicorns beside her. “Can any of you find a flaw in Eris’s spell?” “I’ve got nothing,” Twilight said apologetically. Shining Armor grimaced. “It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. I might be able to find a flaw, if only I had enough time...” “Then try,” Celestia said. “In the meantime, Luna and I shall just have to attempt a more direct approach.” She turned back to the dome. “Twilight, could you please go back to the castle and fetch your sister-in-law? I have a feeling we might have need of her.” Twilight nodded. “Of course, Princess.” She disappeared in another flash. --- Discord chuckled. “...And, Pinkie Pie, I’m so proud of you! Already you’ve spread chaos across the entire land, utterly broken one cabbage merchant –which admittedly wasn’t that difficult, but was good practice, nevertheless – and incited the wrath of the entire kingdom of Equestria! I’m honored to call you my daughter.” “Stop calling me that!” Pinkie snarled, temper flaring. “I’m not your daughter, you… you JERK!” Discord pouted. “Oh, but Pinkie Pie,” he crooned, “family is all you have left! Look, you’ve already become alienated from your old species.” He nodded to where the ponies were still tossing pies at the barrier. “And all your friends hate you now! See, there’s Rainbow Dash, still trying to slice through your shield. Applejack’s thrown the most pies out of anypony there. These dragons? Attacking on Fluttershy’s orders. Rarity hired those hitponies from earlier.” Discord glanced over Pinkie’s shoulder. “And Twilight there appears to be working with the Princesses to tear down your barrier, so that the flood of violence that you’ve inspired shall wash over you. “Besides the gryphon over there, all your friends want you dead, Pinkie,” Discord said matter-of-factly. “You’ve become the monster, just like me. They’d seal you in stone too, if they could, but they’ll settle for your head on a platter.” “But… But only because you did this to me! Why d-did you do this?” Pinkie stammered. “Tsk, Tsk, Pinkie, haven’t you been listening?” Discord said. “You’re special. You’re the one pony closest to Chaos in all of Equestria… and you’re such a goody-four-hooves!” He rolled his eyes. “If anypony deserved to inherit my legacy, and to see what these ponies are really like, what they really deserve – it’s you.” Over the sounds of the siege, Pinkie shouted, “What do you mean, ‘what they really deserve’?” “It’s tragic,” Discord sighed. “Even now, your devotion… your friendship to these ponies blinds you! You might not have noticed, but they are. Trying. To. Kill. You. Do such traitors deserve friendship, and parties, and cake? No,” he hissed. “Your entire life, Pinkie, you’ve thrown parties for them, but when push comes to shove, it means nothing to them! You can’t entertain them anymore, so satisfy who you should have been entertaining – yourself.” A loud crash, and the barrier began to falter. Pinkie raised both her hands above her head, funneling all the magic she could into holding it up. It wasn't enough. The barrier wouldn't hold much longer. Pinkie felt panic welling up inside her. “What can I do?!” she cried. “I don’t wanna hurt my friends!” “Honestly, come now,” Discord said. “Do you really want or even need friends who are so eager to hurt you? Look at things my way: their tears are all the company you need.” Against the backdrop of the muted thumps of pies, the larger thumps of Shadowbolts, the constant hum of magic, and the steady roar of dragon’s fire, Pinkie Pie stared deep into Discord’s eyes. The longer she stared... Maybe... maybe Discord was right. Her friends were, undeniably, trying to kill her. She had the power to make them stop. So why hesitate? “…NO!” Pinkie roared, tearing her gaze away from Discord’s. “They’re. My. Friends,” she hissed, glaring at him out of the corner of her eye. “Got it? I’m not gonna hurt them just because they can’t… they can’t…” Pinkie’s eyes widened as inspiration struck. “Of course! They can’t understand me! They don’t know I’m me, so I just gotta tell them that I am me!” Discord chuckled. “In Antiquated Gryphon? Good luck with that. Do you think Celestia still remembers any words in that language? Or Luna, for that matter? Would you bet your life on that?” Pinkie could feel the barrier growing thin. It wouldn’t be long... “Why don’t you tell them?” Pinkie asked. Discord rolled his eyes. “Come, now. What kind of father would I be if I solved all my daughter’s problems for her? You’re going to have to learn how to stand on your own two feet.” Pinkie sobbed. “Then what can I do?!” she pleaded. “Well,” Discord said, “It seems to me you have four options. One, you try to wake Gilda in time, and hope that the army will pause long enough to listen to her. Two, you try to stop them yourself, using just enough force as necessary – although it looks like they’re ready to fight to the death. Three, you embrace your new birthright and take my place as the ruler of Chaos and Disharmony. Or four…” He grinned wickedly. “You free me, so that I may turn you back to normal. Only I, or the Elements of Harmony, have the power to do that–” “The Elements!” Pinkie interrupted. “I can–” “No, you can’t,” Discord snapped. “It’s difficult to harness the ‘Power of Friendship’ when your friends are trying to kill you, isn’t it? Since that isn’t a possibility, you’re left with only me.” Pinkie’s eyes widened. “But I can’t let you go free!” she exclaimed. “Well, I can, but I’m not gonna! You might –” “Usher in another age of Disharmony?” deadpanned Discord. “Yes, I might. If you do choose the fourth plan – which I wholeheartedly recommend, by the way – then you’d have to stop me. You could rush to explain everything to your friends, and then you could all take the Elements of Harmony and do your little thing, but who knows how much damage I’d do in the meantime? Of course, you still have the other options,” he reminded her. “Go ahead – try to talk to them; destroy me; replace me…” He blinked lazily, glancing at the army outside. “...but whatever you choose, do it quick. It looks like you’ve got about a minute to decide.” Pinkie turned her attention to her barrier. If the trembling and flickering were any indication, it was close to collapsing. “One more thing…” Discord added. “If they kill you, then not only will losing an Element Bearer weaken the spell holding me, but your death will also result in enough Disharmony to destroy it completely. I really don’t want to see you die, but if that frees me, then...”He hesitated, looking troubled. “...well, then who am I to complain?” he murmured. “Forty-eight seconds.” Pinkie closed her eyes and tried to think. What can I do? Yet another gout of flame poured forth from a dragon’s open maw. After the barrier went down, there would be nothing but empty air between Pinkie Pie and sudden death… Oh, go on, the chaos stored inside her seemed to say to Pinkie. Give in. Release me! Buck the rules, stop thinking about everything, just do whatever you want with me! Have fun! Shut up, Pinkie screamed back. I’m trying to think! You’re not helping! Discord’s voice interrupted her thoughts. “If you need a little more time to decide, I suggest you shrink the barrier. That should drop your energy expenditure enough to give you another couple of minutes or so…” Pinkie’s eyes flew open. With a snap, the barrier shrunk a few hundred feet in diameter. --- As the barrier snapped out of the way, Rainbow plowed into the grass. She skidded to a stop, then spat out a mouthful of dirt. Dash leapt to her feet, snarling. “Oh, you’re so gonna pay for that…” The army surged forward. --- Pinkie glared at Discord. “Why bother even giving me that advice?” she spat. “It looks like you want me dead anyway...” “What?!” Discord looked taken aback. “Of course not! Daughter dearest, that was never my intention. To be sure, there are several things I wanted out of all of this: freedom from this stony prison… the spread of chaos… and a long and happy life for you.” Pinkie blinked. “Huh?” Discord smiled wistfully. “Pinkie Pie, don’t you understand? I mean every word of paternal affection towards you. There’s nothing that would make me happier than if we ruled Equestria as father and daughter.” “Then… this gift…” Pinkie began. “Was intended as such, yes,” Discord said. “I’ve given you true power, and a lifespan that every single one of these troublesome gnats would envy!” He nodded to the army outside. “You have eternity, to use as you please…” He paused. “…that is, if you aren’t killed in the next ninety seconds.” “What?” Pinkie focused on her barrier, and sure enough, it was almost back to where it was before. If it shrunk any further, then that would give Pinkie no time to spare if she slipped up. “Please, Pinkie,” Discord said. “Do something…” Pinkie gritted her teeth. “I… I can’t think!” Discord looked away. “If you can’t think, my daughter, you’ll die,” he murmured. After a pause, he spoke again, somewhat louder. “And, if you die, I’ll be free. If it’s any consolation, I’ll be sure to avenge you. When I see you fall, my wrath shall overwhelm them.” Pinkie stared at him. “I can see it now,” Discord whispered, eyes glazing over. “In my rage, I shall slaughter thousands, and thousands more will drown in a sea of their blood. But they are the lucky ones, because they die quickly. When fiery rage gives way to icy hate, every survivor shall wish that they’d died... but they never will. They’ll have an eternity of torment, for taking away the lifetime that I’d given to the one thing that ever showed me any kindness.” Pinkie shivered. Shakily, she cleared her throat. “I th-think I know what I’m going to do, now.” At once, Discord awoke from his reverie. “Oh? And what’s that, daughter dearest?” Pinkie shuddered once more, then glared at him. “This.” The cord of blue light snaked upward, slowly wrapping itself around Discord’s neck. On their own, the other cords moved to follow. “No!” Discord screamed, his voice tinged with unmistakable panic. “N-no! Y-you can’t d-do this to me! I’m y-your–" “Father?” Pinkie said coolly. “You are no father of mine.” “P-p-p-please, Pinkie Pie, stop!” Discord wailed, the cords creeping higher. “You don’t know w-what it’s like!” Pinkie’s expression remained unchanged. “You’re right. But I do know what it’ll be like if you’re ever set free.” Discord’s eyes widened. “NO! Please, I can change! I’ll be good, I–" The stone crept upwards, and his voice cut out with a strangled gasp. “What? Did your vocal cords turn to stone?” Pinkie asked. Discord’s mouth moved wordlessly, screaming in silence. Pinkie nodded. “Then I’ll be quick. Discord... while you still have working eyes, and working ears, see and hear this. I turn my back on you… as a so-called 'father', as a person… as a friend. I never want to see you again, you venomous snake.” As cold stone covered the last of Discord’s flesh, Pinkie turned away. Discord and his poisoned words were silenced, but that still left the problem of the army… In a handful of seconds, the barrier would be gone. C’mon, you can do this, Pinkie told herself, closing her eyes. You’re Pinkie Pie, Party Pony Nonpareil! You can fix this! She gritted her teeth. Pinkie slumped down. …Oh, it’s no use, she despaired. Things had always seemed so simple before, but ever since her transformation, Pinkie’s world had gotten more and more complicated. And now it was just too much, and at the worst possible time, too… Pinkie raised her head. Hold on. That’s it! I’m making this too complicated! What would I… No, not I. I haven’t been acting like myself recently. What would Pinkie Pie do? Wait… Pinkie grinned. Of course! Silly me, why didn’t I think of it sooner?! Pinkie opened her eyes, grin widening. “Well, Discord, you told me to do something, eh? Okie Dokie Lokie.” --- Twilight probed at the barrier, feeling for weak spots. It was wearing thin, but a few seconds could be the difference between victory and Discord’s freedom. “Come on, everypony!” she shouted. “Almost… there!” “Shadowbolts, give it all you’ve got!” bellowed Rainbow. She sped towards the barrier, twisting to slash her wings at the dome. As one, the others followed suit. Though they glanced off again, the dome wavered. “HA-HA! EXCELLENT!” Luna cheered. “WE NEED JUST THE SLIGHTEST BIT MORE FORCE!” Celestia turned to the latest arrival. “Cadence, if you please?” Cadence nodded, then stepped towards Shining Armor. “It’s time,” she said, leaning her horn towards his. “I shall lend you strength.” Shining Armor raised his head, and a second dome appeared the entire grounds. “When Eris’s barrier falls, she will now be unable to teleport away,” he said. “Everyone ready yourselves! It’s almost down.” Twilight gritted her teeth. “Five… four… three…” “Oh, for Celestia’s sake!” Twilight spun around to see an exhausted and irritated Trixie standing nearby. “This has been drawn out for far too long, and the Great and Powerful Trixie has grown tired using illusions against an unresponsive foe,” the showmare growled. “It is time to end this already!” Twilight felt her hair stand on end, and a deep rumble filled the air. She looked up to see a huge thundercloud gather overhead. A gargantuan bolt of lightning arced down from the cloud, striking Eris’s shield. The dome burst with a resounding crack. A wall of fog billowed forth, stopping barely before the front lines of the army. Trixie smiled, smugly but exhaustedly. “S-see? Trixie was the one to… disable the barrier,” she slurred wearily. “Obviously she, out of anypony here, is the most tal… en… ted…” With a sigh, she slumped over, falling unconscious before hitting the ground. “Everyone be quiet,” Celestia hissed. “This fog is too thick to try to fight in… We’ll do more damage to each other than to her.” “As I said before, the monster is clever and resourceful…” Luna said. “Now we must rely on a much smaller force if we are to avoid friendly fire. A thousand curses!” “Three guesses who’s gonna be in the smaller force,” Applejack muttered to Rainbow Dash. “Indeed,” Luna said. “Element Bearers, stay here. The rest of you, fall back. Quietly. And take Trixie with you.” As silently as they could be, most of the army withdrew. The Element Bearers and the Princesses stood alone on the field... ...save for the dragons. They hovered anxiously nearby, looking embarrassed. Spike glared at them. “Go on! Shoo!” Fluttershy, wearing her Helm, stepped out from behind Spike. The closest dragon, Rumble, glanced to the pegasus pleadingly. “Yes, you may go now,” Fluttershy said. “You’ve all done so well. Thanks again for everything.” Rumble nodded, clearly relieved. “We thank thee, Sharl’dahk. Should you ever need a dragon’s aid again, just don the Helm once more.” As one, each dragon spread their wings and flew away. Fluttershy removed her helmet with a sigh of relief. “Finally. I was making them so uncomfortable, the poor things...” “You should leave too, Spike,” Twilight said. “You’re just a baby dragon, after all, and I don’t want you to get hurt.” “But… I…” Spike objected. Twilight shot him a look. Spike sighed. “Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t argue with you. Fine…” He turned and walked away. “Are we ready, then?” Celestia spun to face Shining Armor. He and Cadence still stood nearby. Luna stepped towards them. “What are you two waiting for?” she hissed urgently. “Go, now!” “Somepony needs to maintain the barrier,” Shining insisted. “You can do that from a distance,” Luna said. Cadence looked to Celestia pleadingly. “Do you really expect us to let you go in there without help?” “Yes,” Celestia said firmly. She leaned down and continued in a low murmur. “Help Shining Armor to maintain the barrier for as long as you two can. If we don’t return by then... if Eris overpowers us...” She paused. “...if we fall, then Equestria is lost. Take your husband, take whatever ponies you can, gather your people, and leave. Go as far as you can and don’t look back.” Shining Armor stared at her. “That’s why you were so supportive of the wedding, isn’t it?” he said quietly. “As a backup plan, in case you and Luna...” His voice trailed off. “That is one reason,” Celestia admitted. “The love between you two was the greatest one, though.” “I... But...” Cadence looked up at Celestia, eyes large. “Do you expect us to lead them? All of them, just as well as you have? I’m not sure I can!” Celestia laid a hoof on her shoulder. “I know you can. Always remember, my little pony, that I love you.” She stepped back. “Now go, Princess Cadence. I hope we’ll meet again, but if we don’t, then the fate of ponykind rests on your shoulders.” Cadence cast her eyes downward, then nodded slowly. “I won’t let you down.” She turned away. “Come on, Shining. We’d better do as she says.” “As you wish,” Shining said. He turned a rueful smile towards Twilight. “I guess this is goodbye, at least for now. Love you, Twily.” Twilight returned the smile. “Love you too, BBBFF.” As couple galloped away, Luna watched grimly. “Good,” she said. “Now that we’ve set all our affairs in order, shall we march on?” She motioned to the fog that obstinately blanketed the area. Dash glanced over to Applejack. “I dunno. Shall we?” Applejack snorted, then adjusted her hat. As one, the pair disappeared into the fog. Celestia nodded purposefully, then followed them, Luna at her side. Fluttershy crept in after them. Twilight took a step towards the fog, but paused. “Wait a minute,” she said. “Where’s Rarity?” “Right here,” whispered a voice that was startlingly close to Twilight’s ear. Twilight stiffened. “Rarity!” she hissed, glaring daggers at the unicorn who’d somehow crept up on her. “My apologies,” Rarity said, smirking. “I think I might be enjoying this… this cloak-and-dagger thing a bit too much. I shan’t startle you again.” “While normally I’d… wait, hold on.” Twilight paused. “Rarity, what were you even doing during the battle?” Rarity coughed delicately. “Yes, well, we’d better catch up with the others, hmm?” She motioned to the fog. “After you, darling.” “…Fine.” Twilight trotted into the fog, reminding herself to get some straight answers from her friend after all this madness was over. Rarity followed her into the haze, still smiling. --- The seven ponies walked through the fog, searching for any sign of their foe. “Ah, geez, I can’t see a thing,” Rainbow said. “Fog is just low clouds, right? You’d think being a pegasus would help with that…” She kicked a hoof through the fog, making a hole, but it closed up almost instantly. “Ah guess not,” observed Applejack. Dash rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Hey, Fluttershy, can you see anything?” “N-not yet – Oh!” Fluttershy squeaked, then there came a muted thump. “Are you okay, darling?” Rarity said. “Y-yes, I’m fine,” Fluttershy replied. “I just tripped. But thank you for asking, Rarity.” She paused. “Wait a minute... what did I trip over...?” A short moment later, she gasped. “What is it?” asked Twilight. “One of th-the g-g-guards,” Fluttershy stammered. A deep blue light, hazy through the fog, illuminated Luna’s horn.”Is that so? Let me examine him...” The light moved in the direction of Fluttershy’s voice, then lowered itself to the ground. After a long moment, Luna straightened up. “Sleeping, and peacefully as well,” she said. “The body is unharmed, and his dreams suggest that his mind is also whole.” Celestia sighed. “A small mercy. Let us continue.” The ponies walked on for a while in silence. “This is hopeless,” Applejack eventually muttered. “For all we know, we could be walking ‘round in circles and we’d never find her.” “Ahem.” Rarity pointed a hoof towards a dark, serpentine shape. The group froze. “Has she seen us?” Twilight whispered. “…I do not think so…” Luna whispered back, frowning. “She has not moved…” “Um…” Fluttershy took a tiny step forward. “Shouldn’t Eris h-have, um, maybe moved a little?” “Enough talk!” Dash growled. She streaked towards the shape. “Hey! Take this!” she shouted, then spun and kicked the figure. THWOCK. Rainbow yelled in pain, then bit back a stream of curses. “Rainbow! Are you okay?” Twilight called out. “Argh! Gah, son of a windigo…” Rainbow flew back a foot or two, rubbing her hind legs. “It’s Discord, gals… Figures that I’d buck the solid stone statue.” Luna took a step towards the statue, glaring up at its face. “No, this is wrong,” she said. “Eris had already unfrozen at least Discord’s head… but why would she seal him back up again?” “Apparently, it was never her intention to release him,” Celestia said. “But if Eris did not actually come here to free Discord, then why did she do all of this? What’s her real goal?” Twilight stiffened, eyes wide. “Us.” A sudden, brilliant flash of light shone from behind the ponies. They spun around to see… --- “Surprise!” shouted Pinkie Pie. She knew that they couldn’t understand her, but still, there were rules. As the fog quickly dissipated, it revealed balloons, and streamers, and refreshments, and music, and games. The crowning jewel was an enormous banner, which read “WELCOME”, admittedly in the runic alphabet of Antiquated Gryphon. It’s so simple! What would Pinkie Pie do? I’d throw a party, of course! She grinned to herself. I should’ve thought of this a long time ago! …Well, they’re not attacking me. It’s working already! Patiently, Pinkie studied her friends’ expressions as she waited for a response. They stood there for a while, wide-eyed and slack-jawed. Eventually, Applejack was the first to recover. “…What in tarnation…?” she said, edging back a step. Rarity flipped her hair, eyeing Pinkie warily. “Well. You certainly know how to get our attention.” Celestia stepped forward. “Well, what do you want from us, Eris?” she asked coldly. “If it was our lives, then we’d already be dead, so there must be something else you’re after.” “It's gonna be Discord and the maze all over again, isn't it?” Dash guessed, venom in her words. “You think this is all a game!” Pinkie shook her head. “No, silly! It’s a party. The only games here are, well, the games!” She grinned. “Ooh! Speaking of which, do you wanna play one?” She gestured hopefully to the closest one. “I’ve got Pin the Tail on the Pony!” Rainbow blinked, and then looked to Celestia. “Huh? What was that?” “That… sounded like Gryphon,” the Princess said slowly. “It sounds familiar, but I still couldn’t understand her. Luna? Any guesses?” Pinkie sighed. She still hadn’t worked out a way to get around that. “Er… I do not believe it’s Old Gryphon,” Luna answered. “I have no idea what she said.” Dash turned her head back to Pinkie. “Hey. Wanna repeat that in Equuish?” Pinkie frowned. “...Can you repeat that in Equuish?” said Fluttershy. Pinkie smiled in relief, then shook her head emphatically. “Oh. This could be a problem,” Twilight said. “Ooh! I know! Charades?” suggested Pinkie. She frowned. “...Oh, wait. No, you still can’t understand me, so how would you even know we were playing charades? Silly me!” “Argh! Why are we even standing around trying to work this out in the first place?” Rainbow said. “I thought we were supposed to be fighting her!” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Dash, she could kill us all right now if she really wanted to. But if she’s willing to talk instead of fight–” “Then she’s gonna split us up, then take us out one by one!” Dash interrupted, turning on Twilight. “You of all ponies should know how this works!” She turned back to Pinkie, glaring daggers. “I’m not gonna let Eris do to us what Discord did!” “I’m sorry…” Celestia said, looking troubled, “...but Twilight is right. I don’t think we have any choice but to cooperate.” Rainbow growled. “Cooperate? Cooperate?! Maybe you don’t remember, but Pinkie Pie is dead because of her!” She paused, then stiffened. “...Wait a minute. This party... These games...” She tilted her head. “I... I recognize that music... That was one of Pinkie’s favorites.” Her eyes widened as she stared at Pinkie. “You’re... you’re...” Pinkie nodded eagerly, smiling wide. “...YOU’RE MOCKING HER!” Dash roared. “And you’re mocking us with her memory!” She snarled, then lunged. Rainbow slammed into Pinkie’s gut, and she crumpled on the cobblestones. Dash landed atop her and drew back a vengeful hoof. “Rainbow Dash!” Twilight yelled. “No!” Dash snarled, turning towards Twilight. “I’m ending it now! She has to pay for what she’s done!” She whipped her head back to Pinkie, eyes blazing with fury. “I don’t care if you’re a friggin’ reality-warping avatar of Chaos, I’m still gonna kill you! Nobody touches my Pinkie Pie, do you hear?! Nobody touches–” Though she didn't mean to, Pinkie opened her mouth. Almost of their own volition, her lips and tongue and vocal cords moved, and she blurted out a single word: "Dashie?" Dash froze, her hoof still drawn back. She opened and closed her mouth several times, until finally she found her voice. "P-Pinkie Pie?" she whispered. With a smile of relief, Pinkie nodded. For a long moment, Rainbow stared down at Pinkie. Eventually, she threw her arms around her friend. “…Oh my gosh! Pinkie, it’s really you!” Her eyes started to tear up. “I’m so sorry! I thought you were… I thought that Gilda had…” She choked back a sob. Pinkie hugged her back, smiling. After a moment, Pinkie’s other four friends shared a look, then they moved as one. They rushed over to join in the hug, talking all at once. “Oh my goodness, Pinkie! What happened?” “It’s so good to see you, Pinkie Pie!” “How could I not see it until now? I should’ve recognized that mane anywhere!” The two Princesses stood further back, watching silently. After a moment, Celestia smiled. “Well, this is quite the surprise.” “Aye, and ‘tis a welcome one at that,” Luna said. “But what puzzles me is how this happened in the first place…” Pinkie tilted her head towards the statue of Discord. “Ah. Of course,” Luna said. Celestia frowned. “Even in my wildest imaginings, I never suspected that Discord had the power to do something of this magnitude,” she said. “This does not bode well.” She stepped forward, her expression curious.” Pinkie Pie, you know how this happened to you, yes? Can you explain?” “I’d love to!” Pinkie said. Celestia stared blankly at Pinkie. “…Still Gryphon. In hindsight, that question was poorly thought-out,” the Princess muttered eventually. Applejack’s brow furrowed. “Wait, so Pinkie can only speak in whatever that Gryphon sub-language is, but the word ‘Dashie’ comes out o’ her mouth just fine? How does that work?” Twilight frowned thoughtfully. “Well, technically Dashie isn’t a real word, so it wouldn’t have an equivalent in Gryphon,” she said. “Pinkie, try saying some nonsense words.” Pinkie cleared her throat. “Squadala. Slithy Toves. Uryuom. Fus Ro Dah. Brisingr.” “‘Squadala. Slithy Toves. Uryuom. Fus Ro Dah. Brisingr,’” Twilight repeated. “Is that what you said, Pinkie?” Pinkie nodded. Twilight grinned. “That’s great! We’re making progress already.” “Yes, now we can communicate with Pinkie using random gibberish,” Luna observed. “This is quite the breakthrough.” “Ah don’t know ‘bout you, but Ah think that don’t matter so much if we can just fix this,” said Applejack. “So what are we gonna do ‘bout it?” Twilight turned to the Princesses. “Princess Celestia? Princess Luna? Can either of you change Pinkie back to normal?” “Ah, but does she want to return to the way she was before?” Luna replied. “What do you mean by that?” Twilight said, frowning. Luna cast an appraising glance towards Pinkie. “Pinkamena seems to have mastered the use of her chaos, and it would be...” She paused. “...most helpful to have a draconequus on our side. Of course,” she continued, turning to Pinkie, “I just feel that we shouldn’t force you into anything you don’t want. I understand if you want do change back. But do you want to, or not?” Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. Yes, yes I do, she thought emphatically. I hate this... this... well, not being able to talk to anypony! Fluttershy’s eyes widened. “Um… did anypony else hear that?” “…Yes. Yes, I did,” Twilight said quietly. “Pinkie, you’ve had telepathy this whole time?” What? I did? Pinkie blinked. Wow, another freaky draconequus power? I didn’t know I could do this! Why didn’t I do something like it sooner? She felt a sharp pang of guilt. …Oh, wait, I did. On Leafy Green. I really gotta apologize to him… Dash facehooved. “Oh my gosh. Really. Had we figured this tele-whatsit stuff out sooner, then we could’ve skipped all this…” “You’re right... Oh, for the love of...” Twilight’s eye twitched. “Pinkie, do you know what everypony’s been through in the last month? What over thirty days of rampant chaos has done to us? We thought you were dead! I’m halfway through writing the checklist for your funeral preparations!” Pinkie grimaced. Sorry. Perhaps you could save it for later? “Later?!” Twilight repeated. “By then the circumstances will have changed completely! It’ll be obsolete!” “And while that is regrettable, there’s hardly any point in dwelling on what could have been,” Rarity remarked. “As needlessly traumatic as it was, what happened has happened, and we can’t change it without potentially cataclysmic temporal paradoxes.” After a moment, Twilight sighed. “I guess. What’s important is that now we know we have Pinkie back and in one piece.” “Even if it is one awful strange-looking piece,” Applejack added. “Speaking of which…” Twilight said. “You heard Pinkie too, didn’t you, Princesses? She wants to be an earth pony again.” She paused. “Right, Pinkie?” Pinkie nodded. “Alright,” Twilight continued, turning back towards the Princesses. “Will you do it?” Celestia sighed. “I’m sorry, Twilight, but Luna and I cannot help. It is beyond our power.” “Now what are we gonna do?” Dash grumbled. Rarity turned to Pinkie. “Do you have any ideas, darling?” Pinkie frowned. Well… Oh! I know exactly what to do, she replied. Discord said that only he or the Elements of Harmony could turn me back to normal. So I guess that means we need to get the Elements! She closed her eyes, held out a hand palm-upwards, and concentrated. One finger-snap later, and the box holding the Elements appeared with a small pop. Luna sighed. “I’m starting to wonder why we even bother to keep the Elements under lock and key, if it does so little good...” “It isn’t every day that we must deal with beings with quite this magnitude of power,” Celestia reminded her. “I just hope that your Element still works for you, Pinkie Pie.” Pinkie looked down at the Element of Laughter. I think it will. She handed the other Elements to her friends, then put Laughter around her neck. Fluttershy looked down at her Element. “A-are you sure this is a good idea, Pinkie? I mean, after all…” She glanced at Discord, who stood as still as stone nearby. Pinkie frowned. Come to think of it, that was a possibility, wasn’t it? Then again, she thought, staring at Luna, I’ll probably be okay. Pinkie nodded to Fluttershy. Twilight placed her tiara on her head, and then closed her eyes. “Alright, then. Formation, girls...” The six Bearers moved to their appropriate positions, save for Pinkie, who stood in front of them. Each closed their eyes and called upon their Element... Applejack lowered her head, brow furrowing. A friend will lend a hoof when you’re in need… “Over there, Apple Bloom! Don’t miss them!” “Right behind you, Pinkie Pie!” The Element of Honesty blazed a brilliant orange. Fluttershy closed her eyes with a smile. A friend will always be there to lend encouragement… “…A hop, skip, and jump, a hop skip and jump!” “Okay, here I go… A hop…” Bright pink light burst from the depths of the Element of Kindness. Rarity breathed in deeply. A friend will give from the heart to bring others joy… “…I mean, where did you find the time to put up all these decorations?” “Oh, I never leave home without my party cannon!” A deep violet emanated from the heart of the Element of Generosity. Rainbow Dash grinned fiercely. A friend will stand by you, no matter what you might’ve done… “…And Pinkie Pie, I’m really sorry she ruined that awesome party you put on for her.” “Hey, if you want to hang out with party poopers, that’s your business.” “I’d rather hang out with you. No hard feelings?” “No hard feelings.” The Element of Loyalty glowed a bright, burning crimson. Inhaling deeply, Twilight closed her eyes. A friend will always teach you something new… “What’s wrong, Spike? Never thought you’d see me with an umbrella hat on?” "Not really… No.” “Pinkie’s tail’s a-twitching! What else can I do?” The Element of Magic lit up in a corona of magenta light. As a tear trickled down her cheek, Pinkie Pie beamed. Friends will always be there to cheer you up… “Oh, how could I have forgotten my own birthday? And you like me so much, you decided to throw me a surprise party! You girls are the best friends ever... How could I have ever doubted you?” Deep from the depths of the Element of Laughter came a dazzling blue glow. Cords of color shot out of the heart of each Element, bending and swirling to circle Pinkie. Faster and faster, closer and closer, they spun … Twilight opened her eyes, and they glowed pure white. In the blink of an eye, a rainbow erupted out from beneath Pinkie in a pillar headed skywards. As Pinkie's vision filled with color, she braced herself for the pain. But as the magic swirled and danced across her form, bathing her in the energy of pure, concentrated Friendship, it felt... good. Enchantments upon enchantments were stripped away, and she felt whole again, happy and light, like a heavy weight had been lifted from her body and mind. …Especially her mind. Everything had seemed so difficult, so complex before! So many confusing shades of grey. But now everything fell back into elegant simplicity – Pinkie Pie knew she had friends who loved her. That was truly what was important. Anything else was superfluous. Forget grey! Pinkie grinned. I’d rather have color any day. Eventually, the display of light and color faded, leaving a only a pleasant, tingly feeling throughout Pinkie's entire body. Presently, she noticed that she was on the ground once more – standing in the grass... on all four hooves. Pinkie excitedly inspected her new form – or rather, her old one. “It’s me! I’m back to normal!” Gleefully, she waggled her tail. Dash rolled her eyes, but smiled. “Well, as normal as you’ll ever be, Pinkie,” she teased playfully. Pinkie grinned, then bounced over to nuzzle her friend. “I missed you too, Dashie.” “Well,” Luna said, “It is over. The crisis has been averted…” She snorted. “Not that there was a true crisis to begin with, it seems.” “But why didn’t you come to us in the first place, Pinkie?” Twilight said. “We could’ve gotten all of this sorted out easily.” “I tried!” Pinkie said. “But things kept going wrong! Everypony was scared when they saw me, and I couldn’t control my powers, and then I accidentally made Leafy sad, and then…” She swallowed. “...I figured that I’d become too dangerous to be around.” She stared at her hooves. “So I ran away. I didn’t know that the chaos would spread on its own. I’m sorry.” “That’s okay,” Fluttershy said, patting her gently. “We all make mistakes.” "Ourselves included," Rarity added. "I think we all owe you an apology, don't we, Pinkie? A great deal of this is our fault, too. If we hadn't acted so rashly..." Everypony else chorused in with an apology of their own. Pinkie smiled gratefully. “Anyway,” she continued, “That’s when I found Gilda! She agreed to help me learn to control my powers and to get me back to normal. That’s why I was talking to Discord – I needed to find out what he did to me and how to undo it.” “Oh yeah! Gilda was a part of this,” Dash said. She paused, her expression puzzled. “…Hold on, why did she help you, anyways? I thought she hated you more than she did most ponies.” Pinkie shook her head vigorously. “Gilda’s not a grump anymore, Dashie!” she said. “Well, not a mean grump, anyways, and she didn’t do anything really, really bad, either.” Rainbow blinked. “So… she didn’t kill that one pony in Farrington after all?” Pinkie frowned. “Oh yeah! I’d forgotten about that.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Well, we still don’t know if Gilda was the one who actually killed that pony or not, but she did eat some of her...” Dash gaped. “Uh…” The other ponies looked a little ill. “...What?” Pinkie looked around, puzzled. Then she blinked. “...Oh, right! But she only ate a little bit, and it wasn’t Gilda’s fault!” she added hurriedly. “Discord had got to her at the time! She wasn’t herself.” “...Oh,” Rainbow said faintly. “Anyway,” Pinkie continued, “she did want me to put in a good word with you when this was all over. But after you found us and yelled at her, she changed her mind. Instead, she helped me for free!” “She… She did?” Rainbow said. Pinkie nodded enthusiastically. “Yep! I gotta say, when she isn’t wallowing in angst and self-pity or yelling at everypony, then she can actually be sort of nice. She even kinda said sorry!” She paused. “…Wait, I could have said that better. Should I start over?” Dash smiled weakly. “No need.” Pinkie grinned back. “Okie Dokie Lokie!” Rainbow glanced around, eyes scanning the sculpture gardens with sudden urgency. “Hey, is Gilda somewhere around here?” “Uh-huh!” Pinkie said, beaming. She motioned with a hoof. “She’s right over – uh, right over…” Her voice trailed off as she looked around. A moment later, she let out an exasperated sigh. “Gilda was right here a minute ago! Oh, c’mon, where could she be? She wasn’t even conscious, for goodness’ sake!” “Figures,” Dash grumbled. “G! G, where’d you go?” Pinkie called out. “Now’s not a good time for Hide-and-Seek!” She bounded over to the nearest statue and peered behind it. “No, she’s not here...” “Let it go, Pinkie.” Rainbow sighed. “Gilda’s long gone by now…” She paused, then tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Hold on.” She turned towards Luna. “Say, didn’t you say something about a favor for everypony when this was all over? Does that still work?” “Yes, we did have a deal, didn’t we?” Luna said, sounding mildly surprised. “I must admit, I had forgotten about the boon… but, as thou helped, the offer still stands. What wouldst thou ask of me, Rainbow Dash?” “Princess…” Dash paused. “If it’s not too much trouble, could you please track down Gilda for me? I’d… I’d like to talk to her.” She pawed at the ground with a hoof. “I guess after all she’s done for Pinkie Pie, I kinda owe it to her to at least hear her out.” Luna smiled. “I would gladly do this for thee. My resources are at thy disposal.” Rainbow nodded. “Thanks.” “Well,” Twilight said, “is that everything?” “I assume so,” replied Luna. “Unless, of course, Discord can still do...” She paused. “...whatever it was he did to Pinkamena.” She looked to Pinkie worriedly. “Er… Dost thou think him able to do so?” Pinkie shifted uneasily, glancing at the petrified draconequus. Discord wasn't free from his stone prison, but that hadn't stopped him from starting this mess in the first place, had it? Pinkie and her friends might know this trick, but that didn't mean that he didn't have others that he could use on the unsuspecting... Then again, Pinkie recalled, Discord said that the only reason that he could affect her was because she'd opened her heart to him. She'd let him do that to her. Well, that wouldn't ever happen again. Discord could visit her dreams all he wanted, but any more "gifts" would be staunchly refused. And anypony else probably wouldn't fall into that trap in the first place - after all, who else would think to throw a party for a statue? With an air of finality, Pinkie shook her head. “No. He can’t do this again.” Twilight nodded. “Good. So we’re done here?” Pinkie gasped. “What? No! Nonononono! There’s one last thing we gotta take care of first! I know the perfect way to apologize to everypony for this!” “...And what’s that?” Twilight said. Pinkie grinned. “Well…” --- Braeburn stood anxiously beside the palace gates, staring off towards the Sculpture Gardens. “Ah hope Applejack and the others’ll be all right,” he said. Somepony that Braeburn didn’t recognize, a firey-maned pegasus in a dark jumpsuit, stood nearby. “Hey, relax,” she said. “I hear they’ve handled worse, and they’ve got two out of three Princesses with them. I’m sure they’ll be fine.” “Sure,” Braeburn said, unconvinced. “Fine.” “…Although…” the pegasus added slowly. “I suppose Dash can be kinda reckless.” She shifted uneasily. “I wouldn’t want to see her hurt.” Braeburn sighed. “That is a mighty fine point you bring up there. My cousin can be the same way.” “But I’m sure that it’s nothing too bad,” the mare said. “They can handle themselves.” Braeburn shrugged. “Normally Ah’d agree, but this just ain’t normal. If it were, then why’d they need an army in the first place?” “…Good point,” the pegasus said uneasily. “But we can’t do anything about it, so we’d best stop worrying so much,” Braeburn finished gloomily. He paused for a moment, then shot a sidelong glance to the mare. “Ah don’t think we’ve been introduced, have we? Ah’m Braeburn.” “Spitfire,” she replied, holding out a hoof. Smiling, Braeburn shook it. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Miz’ Spitfire.” Braeburn heard a disgusted sigh from somewhere behind the two of them, followed by an angry voice. “Oh, for the love of… Get a room, you two! The Great and Powerful Trixie isn’t here to listen to you blather on!” “Well, Ah never–” Braeburn began. “Braeburn! Spitfire! Trixie!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, popping into view. Braeburn stumbled back. “Gah! Pinkie Pie! W-where did you come from?” “Well, when a mommy pony and a daddy pony love each other very, very much…” Pinkie began. She paused, then cocked her head thoughtfully. “Actually, that’s not important right now! Is the army still somewhere around here?” “Um… yeah,” Spitfire replied, slightly dazed. “They... they went inside.” Pinkie grinned. “Great! Well, in that case, go get ‘em! Now we’re all gonna party, Pinkie Pie style!” --- “A party? Seriously?” Grinning, Gilda rolled her eyes. “Only you would through a party for the army that was trying to kill you fifteen minutes ago, Pinks.” From where she sat upon the roof of the Royal Palace, Gilda watched the festivities below, tracking the movement of one particularly pink pony and her rainbow-maned friend. As the pair wound their way through the palace grounds, they were constantly surrounded by the crowds of partying ponies, but nopony was happier than the two of them. Rainbow Dash was happy without Gilda. Pinkie Pie made sure of that. Despite herself, Gilda smiled. “You did well, Pinks. You did well.” She turned away, spreading her wings. “Gilda, I presume.” Gilda stiffened, then slowly turned. “Yeah, that’s me…” With a faint smile, Celestia nodded. “I thought as much. I trust you know who I am.” “Yeah. I’ve heard of you, but I’ve never seen you before,” Gilda said, casting a wary eye at the Princess. “Thought you’d be taller.” Celestia chuckled. “I get that more often than you’d think.” Gilda looked away. For a long while, neither spoke. Eventually, Celestia broke the silence. “Rainbow Dash wants to see you again.” Gilda continued to avoid Celestia’s gaze. “Really…” “Yes.” Celestia cast a sidelong glance at Gilda. “In fact, Luna herself is planning to track you down.” “Thanks for the heads-up.” Celestia sighed. “You know, you can’t stay away from her forever.” Gilda sighed. “Forever’s a long time. The average lifespan of a gryphon is much shorter.” She gazed at the party below. “Dash doesn’t need me. She never needed me. She has Pinks, and…” She paused. “…and other friends, real friends, although their names escape me at the moment.” “‘Real’ friends?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “And what are you to Rainbow, then?” “A complication.” Gilda pointed a claw at a little blue dot below. “See that? That’s Dash, playing... Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Pony, of all things.” She smiled. “She’s not flying, she’s not even going fast, but she’s happy.” As she looked to the horizon, her smile faded. “I’m not gonna go down there and screw that up.” “Do you really think you will?” “I don’t know. I just know that I’m still not ready for this.” Gilda paused. “Not in front of so many ponies. Not in front of Dash’s other friends.” Another pause. “I’ve… got some other stuff I need to deal with, first.” For a long moment, Celestia was silent. Then she spoke, slowly, carefully. “I’m not going to convince you, am I…” “Nope.” Celestia sighed. “Very well. Then I know what I must do.” Gilda tensed. Celestia turned towards her, stony-faced. "I shall..." Slowly, Gilda began to spread her wings. "...give you a head start." Gilda paused. "Wait, what?" "A sporting chance never hurt anypony, now did it?" Celestia closed her eyes and turned away, the barest hint of a smile on her face. "Luna does not yet know how close you are. I suggest you take full advantage of this fact to add a little distance." After a moment, Gilda snorted. "Well, you don't have to tell me twice." As she turned to the horizon, her wings snapped open. "One more thing..." Celestia called out. Warily, Gilda turned. "Yeah?" “Rainbow Dash,” Celestia said. “She… she likes Daring Do.” For a while, Gilda said nothing. Then she smiled. “Awesome.” As Gilda took to the sky, Celestia turned away. “Good luck, Gilda…” she murmured, spreading her own wings. She looked down at the crowd below, searching for her sister. “…You’ll need it.” THE END