//------------------------------//
// Laughter 
// Story: Zero-Sun Game 
// by Undome Tinwe 
//------------------------------//

"Hey Pinkie. How's my favorite baker doing today?"

"Hiya Dashie!" Pinkie had gotten a lot less bubbly since the whole Eternal Night thing, but she was still all smiles when Dash walked into the kitchens. "We're super busy getting ready for the Minotaur delegation that's coming to town tomorrow, but I always have time for one of my friends! What's up?"

"I need to ask you for a little favour." Dash noted that Pinkie's smile looked a bit forced today, but didn't say anything about it. "Do you know what Rarity's favourite candy is? I wanna give her something that she'd like."

Pinkie peered curiously at Dash for a minute. "Well, I do have a box of her favourite chocolates around here somewhere. Gimme a sec to find it."

As Pinkie walked into the pantry and began searching, Dash got bored and began rifling through the recipe books on the nearby table. "Huh, didn't know you could make ice cream from squid ink. Who would do that?" Flip. "Ooh, daffodil sandwiches." For some odd reason, it felt like she'd know someone who would've loved those. Flip. "Heh, apple fritters. Oh man, AJ would have a fit if she saw how fancy they were making them here."

Flip. "Wait, what's this?" There was a slip of paper tucked in-between a recipe for something called an MMMM and hastily-scrawled notes on harvesting bamboo shoots (with a warning about a panda guarding the nearby preserve who eats shoots and leaves).

"I found it!" Dash's head turned towards the source of the voice in time to see Pinkie pronking out with a small, fancy-looking box on her back. "It was under 'C,' which is odd because the pantry isn't actually arranged alphabetically—" she stopped talking when she saw the book Dash was looking at.

"You got one of those too, huh?" Dash asked, holding up the slip of paper with the words "the stars will aid in her escape" on it.

Pinkie's smile grew visibly strained and she let out a nervous laugh. "Oh, that's just something from a game I was playing from some of the other chefs."

"'And she will bring about a new dawn.'" Dash handed the slip of paper back to Pinkie. "You really shouldn't be keeping the code-phrase lying around. At least it doesn't have the counter-phrase on it."

Pinkie let out a sigh of relief as she visibly un-deflated. "Phew, I thought I'd blown our cover," she said. "Everything's going according to Twilight's plan. She's a real smart cookie, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess," Rainbow replied, frowning. "What plan?"

"Oh, Twilight managed to make some kind of poison that works on alicorns." Pinkie reached into her mane and pulled out a vial of pulsing black liquid. "A few drops of this on the squid ink ice cream, and Queen Meanie will be gone and we'll have Princess Celestia back." The energy in her voice drained out of her as she spoke.

"You're going to poison Nightmare Moon?" Dash's jaw dropped at the revelation. "You, Pinkie Pie, are going to assassinate somepony." She wasn't sure if the last sentence was a statement or a desperate question that she hoped Pinkie would give the right answer to.

"I'm the only one who can do it." Yep, that smile on her face definitely wasn't real. "No one will suspect good ol' Pinkie Pie of putting something in the dessert."

"Of course they won't. Because you're Pinkie Pie." Dash shook her head. "This is wrong. This is all wrong."

"I don't want to do it." It was heartbreaking listening to Pinkie's voice lose all its joy. "But everypony is counting on me, and I can't let them down."

Before Dash could respond, hoofsteps and the sound of clanking armor echoed out from the kitchen entrance, and a moment later a pair of guards appeared at the door. "Officer Rainbow Dash!" one of them said, snapping a quick salute at her. "We're here to apprehend the rebel!"

"Huh?"

"We received a tip that Pinkie Pie was working with the rebels, and we're here to take her in," the other one said.

"No, wait, you're making a mistake!" Pinkie said as she backed away from the soldiers. "Dash, tell them I'm not working with the rebels!" The box of chocolates clattered onto the floor and slid towards Dash.

"Sorry, Pinkie." Dash picked up the box and slipped it into her saddlebag. A moment later, she swiped the vial of poison from the table too. "I'm saving you from yourself. This isn't you, and it's better if it doesn't become you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hot date to go on."





"I suppose it would be stale and repetitive if I told you what the other applicants did, and compared it to your own behaviour."

"Lemme guess, some of them helped take down the poisoner, some of them tried to fight the guards — I could totally have taken both of them, by the way — and some of them slipped the poison into Nightmare Moon's dessert themselves."

"Quite so. When you took the vial, we had hopes that you'd finally try to act against Nightmare Moon, but we never saw it again."

"I mean, would it even have worked? Poisoning Nightmare Moon seems like way too easy an answer."

"No, of course not. Any attempt would have been thwarted in order to advance the dream into the last part of the third trial. But at least the applicants who realized that loyalty to Princess Luna did not mean loyalty to Nightmare Moon tried to rid the realm of her."

"And how'd that go for them? ...Yeah, I thought so."

"Part of the trial was seeing if one would continue to fight in the face of an overwhelmingly powerful foe, one who could not possibly be defeated."

"Sounds like fun, but like I said, I had a hot date set up, so..."





"Officer Dash, there you are." Rarity met Dash in the hallway leading to the East Wing. Her uniform was perfectly neat and proper, as always, but she was obviously wearing a bit more makeup than usual on her face. She really didn't need it — she looked beautiful no matter how much goop she used — but Dash could understand that this was Rarity's version of armor.

"High Lady Rarity," Dash replied, inclining her head slightly in a respectful bow. "What's up?" Okay, she was kind of bad at trying to be formal and stuff, but at least she was trying!

"May we speak in private?" Rarity gestured towards one of the doors lining the walls.

"Sure." They made sure to keep a professional distance between them as they trotted over towards the door.

But, as soon they made it into the dimly-lit corridor and slid the lock-bolt into place, Rarity quickly closed the distance between them to nuzzle Dash softly on the neck. "I've... missed you," she said, slowly and reluctantly. "I cannot believe I've let you worm your way into my mind like this. It's almost disgraceful."

"Grace is overrated." Dash nuzzled Rarity back and reached into her saddlebag. "Here, I got you something."

"Oh my." Rarity's eyes lit up as she saw the small box of chocolate in Dash's hooves. "These are my favourite. However did you know?"

"A little bird told me." This was a time for fun, not for thinking about what Pinkie had almost done.

"I must remember to learn how to send a thank-you note to an avian, then." Rarity lips turned upwards in a coy smile. "And I should reward you for being so thoughtful as well." This time, when Rarity's leaned forward, Dash did the same, allowing their lips to press together.

The kiss was short, sweet, and when they broke apart, Dash saw a big goofy grin spread out on Rarity's muzzle for a second before she schooled her features back into a casual smirk. "You're much more skilled than I expected. The wages of a misspent youth, I take it?"

"Maybe." Dash leered at Rarity. "You're not so bad yourself. I always thought you were too prim and proper to do anything like that."

"On the contrary, a lady may do as she wishes, so long as she doesn't kiss and tell."

"Whatever you say, High Lady." Rainbow hesitated for a moment before speaking again. "So, about what you said yesterday... did you really mean it when you said you wanted to go all the way?" She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, the blood rushing through her ears more loudly than they ever had when she was performing as she waited for Rarity to give her response.

"I—" Rarity faltered, and Dash's heart skipped a beat. "I did. I was distraught, yes, and I appreciate that you did not take advantage of me in my time of mourning. But I wasn't lying when I said I wanted you. You've shown me such kindness and generosity in these past few days, and possessed the courage to befriend me when others would not. Despite my love of social games, I can appreciate your candor in wooing me, and I think... I think I would much rather prefer it over a dance of whispered sweet nothings."

"Don't forget how awesome I am." Dash struck up a triumphant pose, showing off her toned muscles to Rarity. "And funny. I missed when you used to laugh more."

"I miss it too, sometimes." Rarity sighed. "You understand me so well it's frightening. I'm unused to being on the back hoof when dealing with another pony."

"If it helps, I can you let you be on top when we finally do it."

"Rainbow Dash!" Despite Rarity's scandalized gasp, a grin spread out across her face, lighting it up.

"What, I know you love it when I say stuff like that." Dash reached out to place a hoof around Rarity's neck and pull her close into a kiss. It really was the best way to shut her up.

"Where are your quarters?" Rarity asked, panting, as they finally came up for air. "Mine are too far away for convenience, and I fear we might be seen before we can consummate our liaison."

"South Wing. Farther away than yours." Dash smirked. "But the storerooms are really close. And I meant what I said about those bags being better than hay. Trust me, I used to nap on them all the time when nopony was watching."

"Ooh, how scandalous." Rarity tittered. "I suppose if we're going to go through with this little amorous tryst, we should conform to the classics. Lead the way, Officer."

"Yes ma'am." It took less than a minute for them to reach the row of doors at the end of the hall. They picked the closest one, pushed it open, and ignored the scent of a dry harvest as they hurried inside.

The moment they closed the door, their muzzles and hooves were all over each other. There was very little talking, and quite a bit of moaning, and Dash was very happy that Rarity's uniform revealed so much of her flank as her hooves' position got more and more scandalous.

"You know, in all my pursuit of ambition, I don't think the future has ever been as bright as it is now," Rarity murmured as she slowly stroked Dash's wings, her hooves creating delicious friction against her primaries. "You've given me hope for something beyond myself, beyond a nebulous concept of building a strong nation to rule over. I've worked in the shadows for so long that I forgot what the light could be like."

"That's nice," Dash replied as she peppered kisses down Rarity's neck. "I like you a lot, too. I really look up to you, y'know? Don't tell anyone, but I always thought you were braver than me. I just do things too fast to think about them, but you actually stop and think and still do stuff that could ruin you. That takes guts."

They kissed again on the lips, and then Rarity dragged Dash over towards the nearest the bag of grain. She tossed the pegasus mare onto it and then sprawled herself on top of her armor, her lightning up as she began to work on the straps that held the metal plates together. "Mmm, I've been waiting for this moment since yesterday. I'm going to bring you to heel, Officer, and teach you why all bow before the High Lady of Nightmare Moon."

"Bring it on, Rares."

Rarity's muzzle drifted downwards, lower and lower, licking and nibbling and slowly making its way until she reached...

And then the alarm went off.