//------------------------------// // Episode 9: Mall Problems And A Tour of Annoyance! // Story: Life at Canterlot High // by Down with Chrysalis //------------------------------// There have been many times in my life where I've questioned another's sanity. Usually when someone does something incredibly stupid, or if someone was so oblivious to what was happening around them it literally took me saying something for them to realize it. There have been so, so, so many times where I just couldn't help myself but comment on someone's actions that have made me feel dumber for having had to bear witness to their shenanigans. This...was one of those times. "Why am I stuck carrying your stuff again?" The posh girl before me gave an annoyed sigh as she repeated the same sentence she'd been saying for the past five minutes. "For the last time Darling, a true gentleman always carries the bags of the lady he is accompanying. To let a frail maiden such as I carry such heavy bags would be a crime against the very foundations of order itself." "And like I've been telling you, I am not a gentleman!” I rolled my eyes with a huff. “Nor do I doubt you lugging around the crap you bought for yourself is gonna kill you." "Oh complain all you want Mr. Bacon, but do remember that you have yet to drop my new clothes this entire time,” she pointed out which made my eye twitch. “Because I was led to believe you were going to give me 20 bucks,” I grunted, shifting the bags in my arms. “Yes yes, you will be rewarded, I’m not a monster,” she handwaved and kept walking. “Well just so you know, every bag you add the rate goes up,” I complained and she gave me a pouty look. “Mr. Bacon, money isn’t everything,” Says the girl who’s already spent like 400 dollars! “You’ll be rewarded fairly I can assure you. Honestly, the education I’m giving you in the art of fashion is itself a reward in my opinion.” “All I’ve learned is how heavy they are,” I rolled my eyes again. “And why can’t you just get any one of the countless drooling guys leering at you to carry this stuff? You know they’d say yes.” Said admirers quickly averted their gazes and tried to seem nonchalant after I called them out. “Hmmph, because that would be awfully rude darling, especially since this tour is for your benefit.” “That would be rude?” I asked incredulously. “Not forcing the guy who doesn’t even want to be here to be your pack mule? That’s perfectly acceptable?!” And to that she gave me a look of frustration. Yeah, maybe I was being a bit whiny, but I had a right to be dang it! I’d already lost the battle in being dragged around, but I sure as hell was going to win the war by making the experience as annoying for her as it was for me. I wasn’t dating this stuck up fashionista, I had no obligation to be there. I just wanted to be at home so I could finally unpack the last of my stuff and try to solo-run Bloodborne. I swear if it wasn't for the fact that you said you’d pay me, or the fact that I have no idea where or how far my house is from here... My thoughts trailed off as I let out a sigh of frustration. "Oh come now darling, I know you aren't exactly keen on being here but the least you can do is humor me and my friends for just a little bit," she tried to placate. "Oh? You mean your friends who all conveniently had to use the restroom the minute we got here?” I snarked. The minute we’d gotten into the mall, my other three kidnappers all skedaddled off to God knows where after seeing advertisements for some huge sales at multiple shops, leaving me in the care of Ms. Eye shadow Galore. Said girl insisted on dragging me to every single clothes shop that came into her peripheral vision and buying like ten bags at each store. "I will admit, that was rather uncouth of them to leave after we all agreed to give you a tour of the town,” she admitted with a wince. “But I assure you that after they've concluded their business we'll be back on track." You may say that, but I can see the doubt in your eyes! Ugh... Shaking my head I just gave Rarity a bored look as I said, "Alright fine, but can we at least go to a store that I would be interested in? Or better yet take a break before my arms pop off like Mr. Potato Head?" "Well, I do suppose it would only be fair to visit a shop you would like..." she said thoughtfully and a small glimmer of hope filled me. It was quickly snuffed out though as her eyes landed on yet another clothing shop. “Oh! Hoity Toities is having a red tag sale! I must know if anything I've had my eye on is a part of it! Would you be a dear and allow me one last stop before we head over to...wherever you wish to go?" I gave her a deadpan glare to that request. “Five bucks for every extra bag,” I demanded, which wiped the smile off of her face. “Fine,” she sighed in defeat. Yes! With what I’ve got now that’s like 3 games I won’t have to pay out of pocket, I smiled in victory. “But come along now, I can practically hear the newest fall line-up calling for me!" she said doing a complete 180 emotionally and physically as she made her way to the expensive looking shop. "I swear this better not take too long..." I grumbled as I followed. 2 HOURS LATER I hate shopping, soooo much! Just, all of my hate. Two hours! Two long, boring hours passed with me sitting off to the side with heavy clothing bags while she was 'browsing.’ And by browsing, I mean dashing from aisle to aisle grabbing every dress she could reach like a kleptomaniac sprinter, before running to the changing rooms. She kept darting in and out of that damn changing room for two whole hours, and the worst part was, she didn’t even hold onto any of them to buy! She just kept putting them back on the racks after modeling herself in the vanity mirrors for like five minutes per dress. Oh God, I'd take Pinkie Pie in any other situation over this torture! I anguished as she yet again put another stack of clothes back, before returning with more. Is she doing this just to spite me for the five Dollar thing? “Graaggh! Haven’t you found something yet?!” I shouted as she returned the latest batch. "Now now, hold your horses and just wait a little longer. I just need to check out one last dress, and then I promise we will head out,” she reassured me. “That’s what you said two dresses ago!” I complained as she went back into the changing room. Sighing once again, I looked to the exit, noticing a few other guys who looked weary and burdened by clothes bags. They all had the dead eyed, defeated stare I had. …Alright, enough of this BS. She can carry her own damn bags, this is so not worth the money anym- “AHA!” came her shout from the changing room. “Oh this is simply marvelous! And it’s on sale too!" Not even five seconds later, she came out of the room with the dress in her arms and smiled at me, “Okay Mr. Bacon, I’m finished. I’ll just be getting this.” “About Friggen Time!” I all but shouted as I gathered up all the bags and stood up which caused her to wince. “Oh I’m sorry dear, but one must be absolutely sure when it comes to price and perfection,” she said holding up the dress. “Yeah, well the rates gone up to ten bucks for all that time wasted, I…Holy crap. You call that price a sale?” I said in bewilderment as I saw the price tag on the dress. Let me tell you, it was a lot of zeros, and I mean a lot of zeros. “Well of course, an entire 50% off,” she said happily. “What the f…” I trailed off doubling that number and wondering why anyone in their right mind would pay that much. “Can you even afford that and still pay me after all you’ve already bought?” "Why Mr. Bacon, as a girl of my stature you must understand something," she said with a smug smile before pulling her credit card and an entire handful of gift cards out of her purse. "I always come prepared when it comes to making a good purchase." I began to open my mouth to give a snarky comment, but I almost immediately closed it finding absolutely nothing to say at that sound investment. Guess even rich girls need coupons and the like, I shrugged. At least she’ll still have enough to pay me. "As you can see, Mr. Bacon, I am both brains and lo-" "Oh my, do my eyes deceive me!? Rarity, is that you?" And like that any and all mirth Rarity had disappeared and was replaced with what I can only assume was anger. Said anger was quickly hidden by a tense smile as she slowly turned towards where the voice came from. Following her line of sight I saw a pink girl with purple hair tied into a bun who had a similar looking disposition… And behind her was a small mountain of moving shopping bags, the carrier not even remotely visible. Whoa! Whoever is carrying that must be strong as hell, I’m only carrying like a quarter of that and I want to die, I thought, thoroughly impressed. "Oh Suri darling, long time no see,” Rarity greeted the girl with barely hidden annoyance. “It’s so...nice to see you again." Whoa, passive-aggressive much? What’d she do to piss you off? I wondered as the now named Suri gave her own false smile. “Well of course it is dear, who wouldn’t want to see me again?” she shot back. Oh God, Rarity has a twin and they hate each other’s guts, I deduced immediately. “So, buying that dress today are we? A bit behind the rest don’t you think?” Suri mocked while trying to sound like she wasn’t mocking. “Ohohoho, I don’t think so, if it were then clearly Sapphire Shores wouldn’t still be strutting around in it,” Rarity said back with poorly concealed venom. “Hmm, I suppose you’re right,” Suri answered in mock agreement and both of them pretended to laugh like all was right with the world. Oh yeah, they want to gut each other. It was then that Rarity’s rival looked at me and smirked. “And who might this be Rarity? Is this your new boy-“ “No I am not her boyfriend, she’s paying me to carry her bags, and I know nothing of fashion,” I interrupted, not wanting to get dragged into the middle of this Mean Girls shtick. “Oh, uh…Okay,” Suri said taken a bit aback by my abrasiveness which threw her off her groove. She coughed into her hand and turned her attention back to Rarity. “Well it’s good to know you can still hire help, though perhaps you should look for those with stronger backs?” Oh for-I’m not being paid enough for this! But before I could snark at that, Rarity spoke up. “Oh no, he’s quite capable. Besides, I only need a few perfect materials instead of a horde of mediocre ones,” Rarity insulted cheerfully. Suri of course showed no outward signs of this bothering her, aside from a slight twitch of her mouth. “Ah, so you’re going to be entering this year’s County Fashion Show?” “Of course I am, I was at the last one as you well know,” Rarity said with a bit of heat. "Oh I know, it was such an honor to win first place once again. Oh, but your dresses were fabulous as well, just not as much as mine..." she all but spat with sarcasm which caused the fashionista to clench her fists. Hoo boy, these two are like a hair away from a cat fight, and here I thought Rarity’s voice screamed ‘snobby bitch’. Well, it still does, but now she has competition. "Oh well I hardly doubt first place by default was a true show of your design. After all if the other contestants designs didn't go missing up until an hour before the end of the time limit well...*deep sigh* who knows what would have happened?" Rarity said, her voice quaking with the effort to sound civil. The snobby girl didn't even seemed phased as she chuckled...well snobbishly before looking at her fingertips in almost a bored fashion as she said, "Yes, that truly was a shame. For such a thing to happen during an interschool contest it certainly was certainly unlucky. Though I doubt in the long run it would have made much of a difference, Crystal Prep always wins." Wow, salt meet wounds, I observed as her smiling façade cut deep into Rarity, whose own strained smile was almost completely broken as her eye began to twitch. Girls bickering while pretending not to is always a pointless display. Before Rarity could explode in anger and sink her claws into Suri’s face like I know she wanted to do, she took a very deep breath before that bored, unwavered façade returned to her face. “Who knows dear, upsets happen all the time. Especially since this year there’s actually going to be security watching the entries.” Suri apparently didn't like that response as her smug smile dropped into a frown. “Indeed…” she trailed off before checking her watch and making an annoyed ‘tick sound. "Come now Coco, we've spent enough time here,” she ordered the bag pile as she started walking away. “I still need to get the rest of my materials, and my spa appointment is in an hour. Chop chop!" "Ah! Ye-Yes Ms. Polomare! I-I'm ri-right behind you!" came an overburdened yet soft spoken squeek. Well...that's not the voice I thought I would hear. As the bags turned around and followed the stuck up, I was surprised to see a small, slightly chubby girl with pale skin and light grayish cyan hair. Holy crap! How is she able to carry all that? And why are all the girls in this town stronger than me?! As both those girls exited the store, I turned to Rarity who was slowly starting to vibrate. "So-" "Ugh!" she immediately cut off my inquiry, grabbing her hair in frustration. And there it is. She grunted and groaned for a few more moments before looking to me with a scowl. "Forgive me darling, I know it isn't very ladylike of me, but how I hate that girl!” “Really? Could of fooled me,” I said sarcastically, which she didn’t pick up on. “It’s true! She’s always acting all high and mighty, thinking she knows more about fashion than me even though she cheated to win!" "Cheated? How do you figure that?” I asked in all sincerity since that actually held my interest. “Also, the heck’s Crystal Prep anyway? Another school?" “Yes! It is a vile, deceitful place full of the worst people imaginable!” she said through gritted teeth. “Soooo, your typical high school then?” I deadpanned. “What? No of course not, the people there are-“ Her rant was cut short as her ringtone went off. “…Ahem,” she coughed composing herself as she looked to me and took out her phone. “Forgive me for that outburst Mr. Bacon, that was unladylike of me.” “Meh, I’ve seen worse,” I shrugged. “Right…excuse me,” she said as she answered her cell. Okay, so clearly there’s some interschool drama between the hell hole I’m enrolled in and the rich kids’ school. So not my problem, though all my kidnappers probably have beef as well, I pondered as she finished her conversation. "That was Applejack, the others are finished with their excursions and are waiting for us at the food court. Let me just buy this dress and we'll be on our way." “But wait, what about going to a store that I-“ and she ignored me as she walked off to the register, still a bit steamed under the collar. …Bitch, I huffed. The only difference between you and that Suri snob is you and your psycho friends kidnapped me first! A dollar is a dollar, but for this you all better buy me a couple tacos and some churros at the court. Grumbling to myself, I followed the still pissed off girl out of the store once she bought the dress. She didn’t engage me in idle chatter as we walked which was fine by me. Maybe her sour mood will convince the others to cut this stupid thing off, I thought half hopefully. Sadly, all that hope was for nothing. As far as mall food courts went, this one wasn't too bad. It was on the first floor (of four) and was in the direct center of the mall, so there was easy access to it from all sides. Plus from what I could tell most of the restaurants and food joints surrounded it so there wasn't too much a hassle to get your food and find at seat. Of course easy access also gave it the disadvantage of being crowded as hell, and somehow even louder then what you'd think possible. The chattering alone was enough to give me a migraine, and that was before the screaming kids, mall music, chefs calling order numbers out, and the heavy load I was carrying. Yet another pain Pinkie has brought upon me. I continued to follow Rarity, who seemed to calm down slightly from her encounter with that Suri girl, but I could tell she was still fire and brimstone on the inside. Eventually she managed to spot my other kidnappers in the sea of color that was the food court, and we started to make our way over to them. As we got closer I noticed that only Rainbow and McJapple were there, both with some shopping bags of their own by their side. Go figure, the one that dragged me into this is the last one to show up. Typical. We reached the table and almost immediately Rarity sat down and put her head on the table and let out a frustrated groan. I too let out a groan, but for a completely different reason. I got a break from carrying the damn bags. "Wow Mike, you were only with Rarity a few hours and she's already tired of ya. Must be a new record,” Rainbow quipped as I gave her a tired glare. "Don't look at me, the culprit is elsewhere. And for your information the fastest time a person got annoyed at me was at least ten seconds." “Ten Seconds?” she asked both curious and skeptical. "Coach Spitfire," I said as I rubbed my temple. “Ah,” Rainbow nodded in understanding. “I can see that,” the cowgirl agreed before giving me the stink eye, “But you do have this effect on folks. What did you do?” "Oh please Jack, if I wanted to annoy her I would have done a much better job of it. There's no way she would even be five feet near me if I were trying,” I said sounding offended. "Jack?" she asked tilting her head in confusion. "Look I've ran out of funny twists to your name, so I’m just using a shortened version for now," I admitted. Rainbow snorted at this, but as usual, the orange girl scowled at me. "And what, pray tell, is wrong with my name that you refuse to use it?" Oh what's this I hear? Another chance to get back at the girl with the stick up her ass? Why I do believe I shall heed this call! "Oh no no, nothing is wrong with it, it's a perfectly good name," I said before smiling like a troll, “I mean aside from the copyright strike hanging over it constantly." And at that, she just looked confused, Rainbow didn’t even get the jab. Really? I spout gold and you idiots are too dumb to get the joke? I mentally groaned. Before either of us could continue this back and forth though, Rarity groaned and gave both of us a flat look. "As much as I appreciate playful teasing between friends, I must ask the both of you to hold off on any bickering. Especially since Mr. Bacon is not the source of my frustration at the moment." Uh hello? We're not friends, she’s the one person who gets that! And that wasn't teasing! That was a straight up clever insult to her cereal name! To her credit Jack seemed to back off after one more pointed look in my direction. "Ah won't start nothin as long as he don't. Just don’t go calling me a guy’s name bucko,” she threatened. “Alright fine Jackie, is that better?” Her eye still twitched at that, but she didn’t say anymore. Ha! Victory by default Jackie, and technically that can be a guy’s name too. Surprisingly it was Rainbow Dash who decided to change topics before any more “playful teasing” could be thrown around. “So Rares, what’s got you all riled up?” "Oh I just had to deal with that unpleasant Suri Polomare girl from that dreadful Crystal Prep Academy! That girl never ceases to get on my nerves!” At the mention of Crystal Prep both Jackie and Rainbow glared and for once not because I said anything to piss them off. Called it. Full of unnecessary “School Spirit” that you hate on others just because of where they learn, I rolled my eyes. Though maybe if I get them talking crap about it, they won’t feel in the mood to tour anymore and take me the hell home. So with a goal in mind I put on a confused look as I asked, "Okay, so this Crystal Pre-*slam*AH WHAT THE HELL?!" "Crystal Prep Academy! Why are you talking about those meanie mean pants?!" My question was interrupted by the sudden appearance of the source of my problems, Pinkie. Of course her just popping out of nowhere was enough to scare the crap out of me, but to add to that she just had to slam a tray full of food onto the table as well! "Whoa Mikey! Why do you look so freaked out? *GASP* Did you see a ghost!?" Oh yeah sure, that's it! I saw a ghost Totally not because you just jump scared me with a tray of food you psycho! Applejack looked amused by my reaction, and Rainbow was snorting, trying not to burst out in laughter. Oh screw you guys. You may be used to her teleporting antics, but I sure as hell ain’t going to accept it. It’s not normal! “*GASP* You guys, what if we were the ones who were the ghosts all along?” Pinkie said idiotically as the others rolled their eyes’ playfully. “There was no ghost! Just some cotton candy nightmare who doesn’t know tact!” I spat out. The others looked to me aghast, especially Jackie who sent more killing intent my way than normal. Thankfully my sarcastic insult flew right over her head. “Tee hee hee, that sounds like a silly thing to be afraid of Mikey,” Pinkie laughed and sat down. “Though I’d rather see that then one of those meanie pants prep kids.” “Yeah yeah, whatever. I don’t particularly care about what I’m guessing is a rival school bu-“ "As well you shouldn’t darling,” Rarity interrupted me yet again making me grit my teeth. “Crystal Prep is a private school in town and home of The Shadowbolts. They are a pristine, elite school that only accepts the 'best of the best' and is known for its graduating students having some of the highest grades and sports accomplishments in the county." "Pfft," Rainbow rolled her eyes as she leant back in her chair and rested her legs on the table, "Best of the best my butt! They’re just a bunch of rich snobby jerks who think they’re better than everyone else!" "Not to mention they are always obsessed with winning,” Jackie added her two cents. “Don't matter how, they just have to win, and ruin the fun for the rest of us." "And there parties are, like, super boring! All they do is stand around and talk about grades or studying, and there's never any cake! What kind of party doesn't have cake?!" “Pinkie, that was a study session you crashed,” Jackie pointed out. “So?! At least we have snacks and confetti and balloons when we prepare for a test!” “Because of you,” Rainbow said. “Exactly!” Ignoring this sidetrack, Rarity continued on with how bad they were. "The school’s entrance fee is also quite high, so usually only the most well off students can enroll there. I've heard you could also get in if your family is an alumni of the school or get recommended, but besides that it is just a very well off and respected school of the community." I couldn't help but quirk my brow at the way she seemed to spit out 'respected.’ Sounds like someone tried to get in and got rejected. Wouldn’t put it past you to hold a grudge like that, I assumed before I asked aloud, "So you say they’re a well off and respected school, and yet you claim that Suri chick cheated? Sounds contradictory." Rainbow let out a dry chuckle at that. "That's the thing, everyone knows they cheat nine times out of ten, but no one can prove it! They pay off the judges or are just too sneaky to get caught." "Wait, so you’re telling me that this school is just full of jerks who cheat to win and the only reason they haven't been caught is because they’re rich jerks with influence?" I asked a bit skeptically. “Yup,” Pinkie chirped. “That’s right,” Rainbow nodded. “Darn Tootin,” Jackie agreed. “Indubitably,” Rarity finished. Not one of them hesitated. I let out a small groan as I held my forehead yet again. Either that’s true, or these are some salty sore losers. Either way, this town is chock full of stereotypical clichés. “Yeah, they are pretty frustrating Mikey. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle!” Pinkie cheered, further adding to my migraine. “Okay, yeah sure, the consensus is that messing with anyone from that place is a big no-no, I get it. Can we please eat already so I can go home? I’ve already wasted enough gaming time today.” The only response I got were three pairs of rolled eyes and giggling, you can guess who did what. And like that I had to spend another hour with those girls and was forced to make conversation as we all ate. At least I got my damn tacos, but every second having to deal with the banes of my life in that infernal mall was one second shorter cut down on my life span. … … … Okay...maybe 'banes of my life' might be a bit of a overreaction, but it still sucked. Anyway, after we ate the girls finally decided to leave to continue the tour of the town, and of course we didn’t get to go to a game shop or anything I would have enjoyed. And since I was still getting paid, I had to haul Rarity’s crap out to the car. "Are you sure you don't need any help there?” Jackie offered. “Those bags look awfully heavy, and I don't think you’re doing a good job holding all them." I just sent a glare AJ's way as I continued to stubbornly carry the bags. While I would have loved to pass them off, I also didn't want to give her the pleasure of being right. I may not have a lot of it, but I do have my pride and I'll be damned if I fail what little I have! Now if only...I could use that pride...to help me carry all this crap! And with that I ignored Jack and Rainbow's laughter at my struggle, and just hoped that the tour would end as soon as possible before I was forced to do anything else. The rest of the tour was, well… I hate to admit it but it wasn't too bad. At least it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Unlike at the mall, my kidnappers thankfully did not spend three freaking hours at each place they showed me. Instead it was a simple drive by and explanation of what I was shown. Of course we had to do a few laps around some of the locations because apparently Rainbow didn’t quiet grasp the need to slow down. She had to have broken at least three different driving laws just at the park alone, but there was never any red and blue lights behind us so who knows. For all I know with this freaking town and their bright colors, they might have their own rules and laws altogether, I thought as the scenery buzzed past my window. Seriously, some of the buildings there could give Dr. Seuss a run for his money. There was at least three different purple buildings and like eight different green ones of various shades. I'd hate to get lost in this place while being color blind, I'd seriously doubt I'd be able to ever find my way if that was the case. Odd choice of building color aside, this town had an oddly diverse range of businesses. When I first got here on the bus I figured it would be like any other medium-sized town. A few chain stores and restaurants here and there, some family owned businesses sprinkled about, and at least a dozen car dealerships placed right across from each other just to piss the other off, but surprisingly enough, there was almost none of that around. It was almost entirely local businesses which the girls informed me were family owned. There weren't that many that stood out to me, but the ones that did were...interesting to say the least. There was this weird looking herbal shop called Zecora's Alchemy, a shop that only sold hats called the House of Hats, a clothing store that Rarity apparently worked part-time at called the Carousel Boutique, and there was even a freaking spa of all things. And I don't mean one of those 'spas' that literally just one run-down building where someone gives ya a terrible massage and overcharges you for it, I mean like a legit full blown spa! It was a huge freaking building that covered the entire side of the street, and according to Rarity the mud baths there are 'to die for.' Besides that and a few other oddities there was some more normal things you'd see in a town. A few fashion stores, and very nice looking library made to look like a tree, a local flea market and even a mini-mart. The town also had its own hospital and Observatory, which strangely looked a bit run down despite being open, but I figured maybe there weren’t that many sciency types around to spruce it up. While on the tour my kidnappers made a quick stop at the animal shelter that Flubber was volunteering at. I, of course, decided to just wait outside, but that, sadly, only lasted a few minutes before Pinkie busted out of the building and dragged me inside. I then found myself staring at Flubber...or at least at the curtain of hair she had been hiding behind the moment I came in. What followed was ten minutes of excruciating awkward silence that only came to an end when Jack noticed how late it was getting, and decided that it was time to go. So she just dragged me out of there along with Rainbow and my other two kidnappers and back to Rainbow's car. Eventually the drive took us to a sea of apple trees that went way beyond my field of vision. Apparently Jackie’s family owned an entire apple grove, which if my math was right, made her as rich as Rarity. The only reason we were here, besides it being 'an awesome hangout spot' was apparently AJ needed to get home soon due to some family work. I guess life on the farm means shorter curfews. At least I won’t have to deal with her much longer, I thought in gratitude. I wanted her to help Pinkie see the truth about me and give up, but even I could only take so much concentrated mutual hatred for one day. Still, looking as the sun started dipping low in the sky at the sea of green and red was oddly cathartic. "I know, it’s a great view. Nothing but my family's apple trees as far as the eye can see," she said with pride with her hands on her hips. For some reason Pinkie Pie and the others decided it would be a brilliant idea for her to guide me around the farm while they stayed in the car. I guess they’re not as oblivious to our disgust as they pretend to be. Sadly, this ain’t gonna make us friends, I thought tiredly. Or they’re trying to get her to kill me… The apple trees did stretch on for miles, and aside from the people who drove me, no one else knew I was there. She could bury my body and nobody would ever find me, I thought with a shiver. But Pinkie wouldn’t allow that…would she? I know she’s annoying, but it doesn’t fit her repertoire…unless this was all one huge set up! Being a bit paranoid, I staid a few more feet back from Applejack and kept my eye out for any rusty axes or machetes. “We make lots of products from these here trees. Apple cider, apple pie, apple fritters, apple jam, and countless others,” she said picking one of the fruits down and biting into it. "You do realize this just gives me more ammo to poke fun at your name right? You’re literally named after your family's namesake.” She just rolled her eyes at that. "I don't care. You can poke fun at my name as much as you want, but you will never make me feel ashamed of it." "I'm not trying to make you feel ashamed, all I'm saying is that there are way too many easy jokes to make about this is all." She looked over to me with a raised brow as she said in a dull tone, "And I suppose it’s too much for you to not make them jokes?" "Eh, depends on who I'm mocking,” I shrugged. “The fact that you haven't punched my face in yet kinda makes it hard to stop.” She gave me a defeated sigh, before she started to walk away. "Whatever you say, now get on back to the others. I feel more exhausted just from talking to you, and I think we can both agree that we've had enough of each other’s company for one day." "Yeah yeah, whatever you say Jackie," I agreed as I made my way back to Rainbow’s car. "Oh, one more thing Bacon," she called out. Groaning and sagging my shoulders I looked back to her. "Remember what I told you at Sugarcube Corner. You hurt Pinkie again, and I'll make sure those bullies will be the least of your problems." “Of course you will,” I nodded. “So do your job and get her to give up on me so that won’t happen.” After a nod from her, we both turned around and kept walking, not looking back. Finally! Now let’s get rid of the other problem children and go home. My gaming schedule is already in the tank at this point, and I’m going to have to make another one anyway. SOMETIME LATER Finally! Home sweet home! I thought this day would never end! After a few more stops that left me wondering if the town’s builders didn't understand basic safety, Seriously, who builds a firework emporium next to a open flame cook-out site?! The others decided it was time to call it a day. Rainbow first dropped off Rarity, who surprisingly lived only a few blocks away from me. I figured someone who could afford to spend that much on clothes would be living in some fancy rich neighborhood, I wondered as I looked at the stack of bills she had given me. Unless she’s just pretending. Either way, mine now. I’m just glad her dad carried all that crap inside. He was a big dude with an eviable moustache, so I made a mental note not to get on his bad side. But after that, I was finally, finally brought back to my home. If I hadn’t been so drained physically and emotionally I probably would have bolted out of Rainbow's car and barricaded my door before they could say goodbye. As it was, I sluggishly made my way to the entrance, avoiding eye contact with that freaky statue on my lawn. Sadly, just when I was about to open my door into sweet, sweet heaven... "Oh oh oh! Wait Mikey! I gotta say something!" Oh God damn it just leave me alone already! I gave a long, dragged out sigh as I slowly turned towards the girl who had single handedly turned my personal life on it’s head. "What Pinkie? What else could you possibly need?!" My disgruntlement just seemed to amuse the crazy pink girl as she giggled before saying, "Oh nothing silly! I just wanted to remind you that New Student Appreciation party is this Saturday in the gym! I can't wait to see you there!" Oh right, that's a thing... I thought bitterly pinching the bridge of my nose. "Look Pinkie, as much as I appreciate you doing this I probably won-" "Oh it’s going to be so super duper awesome! I even got special permission from Principal Celestia to use the gym for the party after the sports clubs are done using it! I mean I'll need to do some extra work after school in return, but anything is worth doing if a party can be done!" I don't know how, but the super serious look she had on her face when she said that made me more scared than I had walking in Applejack’s field. My fear didn't seem to bother Pinkie as she returned to her cheerful self and continued. "There's gonna be confetti, streamers, awesome music thanks to Vinyl, and best of all the best pastries courtesy of Sugarcube Corner! Oh it is just going to super duper fun! Oh wait, I interrupted you didn't I Mikey?" … … … Son of a...she's good. Not only did she put me in a spot where I had to go to the party by getting the principal involved, but she also made it so if I did skip out the repercussions would be too annoying to deal with. The last thing I need is the Principal’s ire for ditching something she endorsed. If I piss her off, she’ll call mom, and if she does that then… I shuddered at that outcome. Let’s just say, it wouldn’t be pretty. I severely underestimated you Pie, but I won't make that mistake again. This will not happen a second time, mark my words I will stop being 'friends’ with you you annoying Pink sack of Crazy! With those thoughts I gave Pinkie a strained grin as I 'cheerfully' said, "Oh yeah, how could I forget? I promise I'll be there Pinkie, now see ya later!" Come on get into the house before she- "Do you Pinkie Promise?" -says anything else. Come on let me go into my own home already! Not looking back to the pink girl I lazily waved a hand behind me as I opened the door. "Yeah yeah sure whatever, I Pinkie Promise. Now have a good ni-" “You Do?!” she shouted happily. “AHHHH!" I screamed out in terror as she was now in my face, inside of my house, SOMEHOW! "Wha-how you-that doesn't-HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN FRONT OF ME!?" She of course ignored me. “You said you’d Pinkie Promise, do you mean it?” “That’s-I-Yeah, but that has nothing to do with how you-“ "Perfect! Now just repeat after me!" “How did you get in my house when you were just behind me?!” Again, instead of answering, she started making a series of hand motions that ended with her poking herself in the eye while saying, "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" “I…I…” I sputtered before shaking my head. “Fine, whatever!” I gave up and repeated the words and motions, despite them being kid friendly versions of the real chant. After I was done Pinkie gave another bright smile that encompassed her whole face. "Awesome, now I know you'll come! After all breaking a promise is the worst way to lose a friend," And suddenly Pinkie was an inch in front of my face, and her eyes were hollow and murderous. Holy Crap! I shook in fear as she whispered in such a low threatening tone "Forever...!" Nope! That's it I'm done! Michael Bacon has left the building and he ain't coming back! “So I’ll see you then,” she snapped right back to being bright and cheerful as she skipped around me and out the door. “Night Night Mikey.” Before she was even halfway to Rainbow’s car, I slammed the door shut and locked and deadbolted it for good measure. I slowly slid down the door and placed a hand over my beating heart, and I didn't dare look out my window till I heard that the car was gone. I think I just sold my soul to an overly cheerful bright pink, cotton candy haired devil… I decided to put off video games again that night, I didn’t have the energy, and as tired as I was, I doubted I was going to have a restful sleep. These crazy ass girls are going to kill me, I thought in fear and annoyance, before I sighed and tried like hell to slip into unconsciousness. I just hope I don’t have to deal with them until that stupid party. …I would, much to my regret.