As was the norm, Donut Joe’s was a bustling hive of activity and a nexus for breakfast in Canterlot. Whether highborn or commoner, the place was packed with mares and stallions enjoying the finest confections that the establishment had to offer. The tables within the establishment were seated to capacity, even to the rafters – quite literally so, given last month’s installation of special cloud tables for pegasi and batponies so they could partake and allow the use of tables by more terrestrial patrons. And in the center of it all, entreating his customers like a great prophet of pastries, was Donut Joe himself, taking the time to speak to his clientele on a personal basis as he somehow managed to single-hoofedly run a busy restaurant that would have completely exhausted a lesser individual.
With a steaming mug of raspberry hot chocolate in one hand and an oversized apple fritter in the other, Octavia had a sublime smile on her face. “You’re right – this place is great!”
Seated across from her with a coffee in his magic field, Blueblood gave an appreciative nod. “I’m glad you think so. I’ve come here for years, and to date, Donut Joe has never done anything less than his best. Even on the days when he’s sick and his wife has to run the counter, well, she’s not too bad either, though Mocha Latte’s better in the coffee department, truth be told.”
Octavia looked at him oddly. “You come here on a regular basis?”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he admitted. “Even when I’ve been on assignments, I’ve actually had some of my subordinates bring me a delivery.” He chuckled. “Smokescreen insists that I’m addicted to the coffee, if you believe her.”
“But based on your image, wouldn’t you not be caught dead in a place like this?”
“True. But we’re not here right now…in a manner of speaking.” His horn flickered, and a mirror appeared before them. Octavia looked in the mirror, and found what she looked at, was not what was looking back at her. The reflection Blueblood gave off was one of a bucktoothed sand-colored earth stallion with a sweat-stained green ball cap, while her reflection was that of a cute earth mare with a pine-green coat and a short honey-brown mane.
“I thought it was prudent to disguise us both,” he explained as he made the mirror vanish. “Me for the obvious reasons, but you as well, not only because of what you endured at that one restaurant, but so that you could also eat without being bothered. While I know you’ve had a better experience at the music store, our intelligence states that whoever was behind the magic assault that hit you is still at large, and so I thought better to be safe than sorry.”
“Thanks,” Octavia stated. “I appreciate the gesture.”
“Think nothing of it. I’m used to providing the disguise, as a dear friend of mine came up with the idea.” Without prompting, he continued. “She was my sister’s best friend and is a sort of sister figure to me as well, truth be told and she’s usually the one who uses it. She’s actually put up with a lot of things: she’s been a foalhood confidant and one of the few who knows my secrets – and in return for that, all she gets is endless grief from society.” A frown came over his face as he moved his forehooves in a sort of “air quotes” mannerism, stating, “Because ‘she’s the only earth pony Prince Blueblood has any respect for, he must be sleeping with her,’ quote unquote. I hate that she cannot live her life in peace, because she feels she needs to protect me from the sort of actual bitdigging trophy mare that the nobility clearly thinks I’m interested in.”
But that wasn’t what Octavia focused on. “She used to be your sister’s friend?” A second later, she recalled. “This is the sister that passed away during the war here, isn’t it? I remember Razz mentioning something about a war, and that while she was stuck on Earth for three weeks, something like a year or so had passed here.”
“About eight months,” Blueblood explained. “And yes, what brought her to your world was the result of an event during which the monstrous centaur warlord Tirek tried to kill her. Unfortunately, he did succeed in killing Archmagus Beryl’s bodyguard. That bodyguard was my sister, Pavane Bayan. I may be a spymaster, but Pav was born to follow in our mother’s footsteps as a Princess’ Hoof.” He shuddered as he admitted, “She died saving the world…but I would do anything to have her back.”
Octavia gasped, nearly dropping her mug in the process. “Oh my God…Blu, I’m so sorry to hear that! I had no idea!”
He closed his eyes, the pain clearly etched on his face. “Sometimes…sometimes when I sleep, I dream about when she and I were just foals. I was two years older than her, but we were inseparable and I could always confide in her. And then I wake up and realize what world I live in now and I…I just want to lash out at the unfairness of it all.” To her surprise, a broken look came over his face. “My sister deserved to be the princess she was, but she desired something more: She wanted to be a hero, to be better than so many of the undeserving plotholes out there who only care about stealing bits from the poor and hurling insults at their so-called ‘lessers’.”
Something inside Octavia reacted to his words, and a part of her wished that she had met this Blueblood first instead of that other one. Maybe then she wouldn’t be as broken as she felt she was. To use a line of thought more akin to how Rainbow related things, Prince Blueblood played at being Billionaire Playboy when he was in truth Batman. His human counterpart, on the other hand, was merely the empty suit who didn’t even have the ability to imagine himself as such.
To her own surprise, she found herself reaching out, embracing the stallion before her. Part of her recoiled at the thought that she was actually embracing Blueblood, but then she just as quickly reminded herself that this wasn’t Blueblood, the asshole that had tried something unsavory on her and later Rarity. No, this Blueblood felt remorse for how she’d been treated by his counterpart, even though it was no fault of his. He clearly cared about his friends and family and was clearly devastated by the loss of his sister. He was diligent and dutiful and everything that the Blueblood she’d known actually was, to the one she was holding, it was only ever an act, a cover identity.
“I hate myself,” he said softly to her. He looked at her, and in his blue eyes she could see something all too familiar: self-loathing. “I hate everything about myself and everything that I’ve become. I hate that I couldn’t protect my sister when she needed me and that I can’t protect the mare who’s just as much a sister to me from the world’s contempt and spite. I hate that I have to live a lie that I am tired of living, but I can’t let the monsters out there win.”
Octavia, though she said nothing, was shocked by his words. The Blueblood she’d known would never have admitted such a thing. Hell, the boy she knew was such an egomaniac that he would have fucked his girlfriend – and knowing her, Suri would have gone right along with it – on top of a Hollywood-sign-sized I LOVE ME announcement just to make sure the world got the message. He would never have humbled himself the way this prince – a literal prince, no less! – had just done.
“I know how that feels,” she found herself admitting. “Hating yourself? I know that all too well.” Now it was his turn to look at her in surprise, and she couldn’t stop herself. “I’m an only child and I live with my aunt and uncle, since my parents live overseas. I have three cousins at home, plus three more girls on my aunt’s side who are like sisters to me as well and who I’ve known for years even though my mind also knows that I’ve only known them a handful of months due to the whole time change that Sunset’s grandmother did.”
He looked at her in surprise. “I…was not aware that Queen Faust had affected your world so.”
“Oh, she definitely did, and what’s worse, is that fuckery is because of Sunset! I mean, I have to deal with the fact that my cousin – someone who I love like a sister – is not only not human, but she’s a literal Goddamn goddess! I mean, never mind that she’s not the goddess of our realm, never mind the fact that humanity has probably five-thousand-odd ones, give or take a few. Because of her, I can remember a whole life that supposedly never happened, while I’m adjusting to the fallout of the life I’ve always lived…which I didn’t know existed up until a month and a half ago!
“But do you know what the hardest part of it all is? Living with the monster inside me. Having to take medicines that prevent that monster from coming out and hurting Twily or the triplets, or even trying to do worse to Sunny. They’re my sisters – the only ones I will ever have – and that…that beast…inside me would do nothing more than gleefully shred them if not worse!” Tears now welled in her own eyes as she sobbed, “There are days when all I can see in the mirror isn’t my own reflection, but Melody, damn her, as if she’s just biding the days until I don’t have control anymore. And it scares me!”
Now it was his turn to hold her, as she cried. The two tearfully held one another, while other ponies, watching the display, gave them the needed space to deal with their grief. It wasn’t anything they would have done for Prince Blueblood, or for the strange being from another world. But for the two ponies they appeared to be, it was as though they were just a part of the background, the rearmost element in the story of somepony else’s life.
Seated in a hastily-arranged conference room at Naval headquarters, the new SIRENs looked over the paperwork that would dictate their new lives as humans. Already many of them had several questions and more than a few of them were surprised by what would be their undercover identities in the human world – especially those that had not expected what had come their way courtesy of the documents prepared by the senior SIRENs.
“What the buck?” Moonblazer moaned, as she slapped a hand against the documents on the table. “This is seriously messed up!” She then picked up the stack of papers, brandishing them like an evil talisman. “It’s bad enough that I gotta be underage, but now I can’t fly? What in Tartarus is with that shit?”
In response, Sonata merely pointed a finger towards the girl’s back…and the decided lack of wings she had there, as if that was enough to clarify things. It clearly wasn’t.
“But I’m the best flyer in the world! Probably two worlds, once I get to yours!” the former batpony shouted. “You can’t do this to me! How in Tartarus am I supposed to rule the skies if I can’t reach them?”
“I thought the local Rainbow Dash was supposed to be the best flyer ponies have?” Aria asked Adagio.
Moonblazer, overhearing that, responded with the expected disdain: “That two-bit nag has nothing on me and she knows it!”
“But isn’t she on the Wonderbolts?” Embiggen asked meekly, only to be met with a harsh glare from the other girl.
“So what? All those day-siders get on the good flight squadrons and we get stuck with the night-fighting squadrons! I’ll bet that if that jerk Capt. Spitfire had some braincells, she’d put some of us in the ‘Bolts, pronto! But nooooooooo – that might make her look bad!”
“Relax, will you?” Adagio explained. “You’re now in a unit even more elite than the Wonderbolts, so you can crow about that all you want.”
She pouted and crossed her arms. “Not if I can’t be the best there is.”
“Maybe not as a batpony, but probably as a human. After all, your counterpart is on the track team at her high school, and so I’m sure you’ll be able to do the same at Everfree Glades High.”
At that pronouncement, Moonblazer’s jaw dropped even farther. “I have to go back to school?” she stammered. When the senior SIREN nodded. Moonblazer banged her head on the desk. “Princess Luna,” she moaned, “why have you forsaken me?”
Meanwhile, Embiggen read hers, taking some time to do so and asking Ekene, who was seated next to her, various questions here and there. She then looked at her documents nervously before turning to Adagio. “Um…Captain? Is this right? According to this, I’ll be attending Bella Vista High School?”
“Yeah. We had to do a lot of scrambling last night and Ms. Celestia helped us identify the best locations for each of the underage SIRENs to be placed at. Unfortunately, because of the unusual situation with you, Biggie, you’ll have to attend BV High. Is that a problem?”
“No!” she said, a shy smile coming to her face. “I…never really finished my schooling.”
“You didn’t?” Sonata asked her.
Embiggen shook her head. “I got so big that other foals would make fun of me for being the size of a full-grown mare before I even got my cutie mark, and it got so bad my parents pulled me out. They tried to tutor me at home, but….” She sighed. “That’s part of the reason I’m in the Guard. You don’t need an extensive education to be a guardspony.”
Adagio looked at Embiggen. “Um…how little schooling are we talking?”
“Oh, I have the standard pre-mark education. That’s mandatory in Equestria,” the amazonian girl blurted something under her breath. “Basically, reading, writing and I can do my multiplication up to 12. I also know some basic Equestrian history, too!”
Sonata quickly did the math. “So…we’re looking at a third-grade education,” she told her sisters.
“I don’t even want to know how they allow that,” Adagio sighed.
“Sounds like they just want bodies, not educated people. That or some of the ponies believe that having brains and being in the military is a contradiction,” Aria noted.
“Well, we’re going to have to have Twily give Embiggen a placement test and then ask Sunny to come up with the appropriate infodump spell.”
Aria groaned. “Oh God – not those again. Those things gave me a headache!”
“Not for us, sis – them. They are moving to Earth, and we can’t have them saying ‘anypony’ or ‘anyhuman’ or things like that,” Adagio reminded her. She then looked at the others. “Anyone else have any questions?”
“What is ‘exchange student’?” Ushanka asked, looking at her paperwork.
“And this Egypt place that’s mentioned here; I know not what that is, I fear,” Ekene added. “It’s logical to have a guise, but this won’t work, I do surmise.”
Adagio shook her head; she might not be having an infodump stare moment, but she was starting to feel a headache nonetheless. “Look, Ushanka, your counterpart is a student at the Volgograd Institute of International Trade, Economics and Law, which is one of the biggest universities in Russia. So naturally, you’re going to be an exchange student at Canterlot State.”
“I still do not understand,” the petite blonde stated.
“An exchange student is when you’re normally attending one school, but you go to another one for a short visitation period. In high school, it’s typically for a couple of weeks to a month, but for college, which you’ll be in, it’ll be for a year or so. Afterwards, we can come up with a reason why you decided to stay in Canterlot.”
“Acceptable,” was the terse response.
She then looked at Ekene. “And Ekene, your counterpart is a museum researcher in Alexandria, Egypt, so it makes sense for you to have a job at ECMAH. Besides, it will put you in a position where you might be able to study the potential of human magic on Earth. While it’s believed to be a myth for the most part, we’ve come across evidence that supports that it’s anything but.”
“Sounds intriguing – I’ll surely be seeking,” Ekene stated.
“Well, at least I’m working in a tea shop,” Tomahawk commented. “That makes sense.”
“Not exactly. Technically your counterpart is an expat working in a head shop in Amsterdam in the Netherlands, but the Admiral thinks that running a one-to-one comparison there would be bad for a number of reasons.”
“Uh, what’s a head shop?”
“It’s a store that sells illicit substances. They’re illegal where we’ll be living, but it’s legal there.”
“That sounds harsh,” Tomahawk observed.
“Yeah. So as a result, we’re going to see if Applejack’s connections with that tea shop out in Shasta View is any good. From what I understand, the owner’s a friend of Applejack’s mom, so we might be able to get you a job there.”
“Sounds awesome.”
“Well, what about me?” Sunny Side asked. “I mean, I get the college student part – I was considering accepting an instructor position at the Guard Academy prior to my promotion as a cohort vice-commander in the Romance Guard, so that part I can deal with.” She pointed at one particular document, adding, “But the rest of it I really don’t understand, especially the mentions of chocolate?”
“Oh, that,” Sonata said with an awkward grin. “Unfortunately, you don’t have a counterpart on Earth. Well, not exactly….”
“I thought everypony…er, everyone did?”
“Yeah, well….” The youngest triplet scratched the back of her head nervously before continuing. “Your counterpart isn’t exactly named Sunny Side. Her name is Mint Chocolate. And well…she’s a celebrity.”
“Yeah, she’s Soni’s favorite celebrity,” Aria, not being able to pass up an opportunity to tease her sister, interjected. “You should have seen how ga-ga she went when she finally got to meet the Chocolate Twi—oof!” Her words were cut off as Sonata elbowed her sister in the ribs.
“This is going to be one of those long stories, isn’t it?” Side inquired.
“Okay, let’s take a break,” Adagio groaned. “I’m going to go find some Advil.”
In her new establishment, the former duchess Highfalutin stood at the window of her private chambers. She looked out the blasted, bleak grounds that made up her new barony, and right now she awaited her executive assistant to complete the litany of her morning’s events. Truth be told, she really didn’t care what was on her schedule, anyway; most of it was just manticoreshit meeting with the peasants, pretending to listen to their concerns and probably giving a pep talk to the forces nominally under her authority. She’d done things like this when she was in charge of her previous landholdings, and now she had to make this rough piece of coal a diamond worthy of her. That would not be easy, not by any means.
Damn that harridelle Celestia! ran through her mind, though it didn’t come across her face.
“…and at ten is the initial meeting of this year’s Yield Preparatory Committee. That should only be an hour, your grace, after which your schedule is clear for the remainder of the evening.” Behind her, the unicorn heard the click of a clipboard being set to the side. Now, if the filly was properly trained, she would stand there, waiting for the next command. And given the sound of youth in her voice, she was doing so eagerly, waiting to prove her usefulness.
Highfalutin’ gave herself a private smile, reflected in the window. Time to start turning fortune towards her favor again.
“‘Your Highness,’” Highfalutin’ corrected her. For one, she would stomach the indignity of being referred to as a lesser rank no longer. It suited her to merely be a duchess when it would gain her power, but now here, where that damned alicorn – her so-called “aunt” – had exiled her, she would not stand for a moment’s more of such a gross display of insolence. She would let those here know they lived and died under the call of her hoof. Her hoof, not those damned abominations in Canterlot.
“I’m…sorry, Baroness?” came the answer.
“I am a princess, a princess of this realm,” Highfalutin’ stated. “I have been placed in charge of this pit in order to turn it into a land worthy of Equestria and so I will do so – but I will do it under my proper method. Am I clear?”
The mare’s eyes widened slightly at the realization she’d committed a horrible offense, even she had not realized it. “A thousand pardons, Your Highness!” she yelped, immediately dropping to a bow. “It’s just that the prior baron—”
“I am not the prior liege of this place, as you can see,” she said, turning to face the younger mare. As she did, what she saw intrigued her: The assistant, a mousy mud pony who barely looked as though she’d just finished up her schooling, adjusted her glasses. Brown coat, white-blonde mane, and soft green eyes – there was nothing about her that served any value whatsoever, as far as Highfalutin’ was concerned. Less than nothing, even.
Still…if she was going to be here for a while, she would need a hobby. And making diamonds out of coals was a particularly favorite hobby of hers. She had done it before…here, she could do so again.
“What is your name?” Highfalutin’ asked.
The mare was quiet for a second before speaking. “Teeline, Your Highness,” she said in a soft voice.
Highfalutin’ took a step forward, changing her attention. “And do you know what your first mistake was, Teeline?”
“No, Your Highness.”
Highfalutin’ bent down and reached towards the mud pony’s head, lifting up her muzzle. “You faltered.” With a smile on her face, she soft in soft tones, “Yes, in the past I was known as Duchess Highfalutin’, because I needed to be a pony of the people, to let them know that I am on their side and always there for them. But this place is different. This place needs a strong hoof, and so I must – as much as I dislike the idea,” she said with a theatrical sigh, “be a princess for them. The populace here in Percheron crave a leader like a parched pony in the Badlands craves water, and they naturally look up to princesses, do they not? Therefore, I must be a princess for them.”
“Yes, Your Highness,” Teeline said, her green eyes full of confusion, though there was a glimmer of intelligence there. That was a positive sign, Highfalutin’ noted; there was a potential there and not just a vapidity that would be useless to her.
“If you are to be in my employ, Teeline, I will need you to be as strong as I am. You are my executive assistant, are you not? That means you are a seneschal.” The unicorn smiled. “Of course, given that this is such a low posting, I do not need a true seneschal, but that is not the point. What is the point is that as my assistant, you are my right-hoof mare, and that means that others will look to you for guidance and information as to how to work with me. You cannot falter, or else they will take advantage of you.”
Helping her back to her hooves, Highfalutin’ ran a soft hoof against Teeline’s withers. To a casual onlooker, it would be seen as nothing more than a friendly gesture, but Highfalutin’ had enough experience to know that where she ran her hoof across could be, to some mares, an erogenous zone. Sure enough, she felt Teeline’s coat ripple underneath her touch, and she knew she struck gold. Old enough to be of value, the unicorn thought, but not old enough to have learned self-control yet. That means I have plenty of room to work with.
“I will need to rely on you to straighten this barony out – to make Percheron the envy of all the provinces,” Highfalutin’ stated, noting the flustered flush on the younger mare’s face. “So I will need you to be strong. Both for me and for yourself. After all, my successes will be your successes as well, will they not?”
“Yes,” Teeline said, calming down.
“Then this will be your first assignment, Teeline. I have studied this ‘Yield Preparatory Committee’, and do you know what it is? It is a farce. It is a group of the largest landholders in the province, working together to find a way to appease the raiders who storm our lands. They are a bunch of scared little colts and fillies who would rather give up the hard-worn fruits of labor – the very resources our ponies need to survive – and to give it to those pirates. I will not countenance that for our ponies one moment more!” With a conspiratorial smile on her face, she said, “So this is what I want you to do: You are going to attend the meeting in my place, and when those fools demand to know where I am and what I am up to? I want you to tell them that I do not answer to them – they answer to me. And I will most certainly demand an answer as to why they have abandoned their duties to Crown and Country, and to the very ponies suffering because of their actions. If they wish to hem and haw, let them – if they wish to spit fire and make noise? Let them – show them that we are completely unimpressed by their false bravado, and that finally, when they wish to see reason and present a plan as to how we will win back what we have lost for our ponies, then – and only then – will I meet with them. Is that clear?”
Gears seemed to click in Teeline’s head. “Yes, Your Highness,” she said, her voice a little firmer.
“Oh, and let the housekeeping staff know that you and I will be having a working dinner tonight. I think we should get to know each other a little better so we can plan to turn Percheron into a land that even Manehattanites will look upon with jealousy, correct?”
“Of course!” A second later, she gasped. “Oh, but I have a date tonight with my coltfriend!”
Inwardly, Highfalutin’ frowned, but she never removed the placid look from her face. “I’m sure he won’t mind if you cancel. After all, this has the opportunity to make things better for everypony, correct?”
“Of course, Your Highness! I’m sure Sterling Heart won’t mind at all,” she agreed. “I just need to let him know.”
“Good. Now, go ahead and do whatever you need to do to prepare for that meeting,” Highfalutin’ told her, “and remember: as far as they are concerned, you are me. You don’t answer to them – they answer to you, got that? In the meanwhile, I need to meet with the captain of my guard to assess our military situation.”
“Yes, Your Highness!” With a newly-built confidence, Teeline strode out, a smile on her face.
Once she was gone, Highfalutin’ gave herself a satisfied smirk. Teeline would be easy to break and turn into putty in her hooves. Plus, as worthless as mudponies were, they did have one use: they were fantastic in bed.
A second later, there was a knock at the door, followed by a guardspony poking his head in. Unlike the true professionals of the EUP or the other services, the local provincial guard were ragtag and showed it. “Captain Redeye and her…associate…are here to see you.”
“Please, let them in,” Highfalutin’ said as she walked towards her bar. At that moment, two individuals walked in. Redeye had worked with Highfalutin’ for years now and was one of the closest confidants the unicorn had – mainly because she knew Redeye’s secrets as well. The brooding unicorn mare in the custom-made black armor had a way about her that made others stay clear of her, and that was fine by Highfalutin’. It made it easier for her to do her job. After all, there were few unicorns with charcoal-gray coats, and Redeye’s namesake soft-red eyes and burgundy mane along with her bullseye cutie mark made her somewhat unapproachable to begin with.
But it was her counterpart, another of Highfalutin’s associates, that made others pause. Trapper was an Abyssinian, a species rarely seen in Equestria; they were similar to minotaurs, but apparently descended from cats instead of cattle. However, that was where Trapper’s ties to his own species ended. Wearing a travel-stained duster coat and a traveler’s hat, the former covered the bandoliers he usually wore, those equipped with poison quarrels for his crossbows. The look clashed with his patchy calico fur as did his eyepatch, the result, he said, of “the one time he tried to be nice”; he said he learned his lesson about that real quick.
They were ruthless, murderous and as far from ponies as ponies could be – mainly because neither were ponies. But as long as Trapper kept to the shadows and Redeye continued to look like a perpetually-angry unicorn, they would serve Highfalutin’ well.
Redeye looked at the door where Teeline had been a second before, then turned back to Highfalutin’. “I know that look in your eye,” she said gruffly. “How long do you think it’ll be before you have her between your stifle?”
Highfalutin’ laughed. “Oh, Redeye, you say the most charming things,” she said in a smirk. “What makes you think that?”
Trapper took off his hat and twirled it on a claw. “Well, that’s what you did with your previous pet project. Tell me,” he said with a malicious grin, “did you know that Steno genuinely thought he was your true love until his dying breath?”
“And you would know that how?”
He gave a shrug. “Did you forget who you paid to make sure he took his dying breath, Princess?” he said plainly.
“No, no I did not. And remember, I asked you to kill Steno because he was starting to be…inconvenient. I have my pets, but the moment they start thinking that they’re equals in a relationship with me? Well, I won’t have that. Not from featherdusters like Steno or mudponies like my newest toy.”
“And I gather you want us to find out everything there is to know about your little plaything?” Redeye asked. “Well, fortunately for you, I already got a head start on that: Sterling Heart is a sergeant under my command and was the acting garrison commander until I got here. That colt is so sickeningly head-over-hooves for that filly of his that I get full just when he talks about her. Still, he’s also got a weakness: he’s got a wandering eye and I think you can use that to your advantage in the long term.”
“Good. That’s a start. I want more info. Now, Trapper, what do you know about the lay of the land here, especially with the provincial guard?”
Trapper chuckled under his breath, a hissy, sibilant sound. “I was able to breach the guard barracks and take out the roving patrol with little effort. They actually think he’s off somewhere drunk and sleeping it off under a tree. By the time they find his body….” The Abyssinian placed his hat back on his head, “they’ll think it was some pirate who was scouting and decided to leave a reminder of, and I quote, ‘who’s in charge here’.”
“I’m going to enjoy breaking these worthless fools and turning them into real fighters,” Redeye said, her own chuckle holding no trace of humor. “They might even appreciate not being fodder for the birdos for a change.”
“And what about the main villages?” Highfalutin’ asked.
Redeye rolled her eyes. “Seatown makes Klugetown look like fuckin’ Ponyville. That place is a shithole even by mudpony standards. And the worst part is, it’s probably the best of the five villages in this forsaken blasted waste of space.”
“Rock Ridge is no better,” Trapper added. “Best you can say about the other three: Treeline, Dry Vale and Pegasus’ Flight, is that they’re filled with inbred hicks who don’t realize how lucky they have it. The rabble are stupid, though there is one pony that is a concern.”
“Oh?”
Redeye nodded. “Sunmane, the mayor of Dry Vale. She’s got some…odd…notions about how things should work here. From what little I gather, she had the attention of the previous baron and was able to try to talk him into making some changes here and there. If you’re not careful, she’ll be a thorn in your side.”
“Well, then that will be a thorn you’ll just have to take care of, right? Maybe she’ll run afoul of a timberwolf or two.”
“No timberwolves in this part of the country,” Redeye responded, “but I’m sure I can come up with something.”
“Good. See that you do.” Highfalutin’s horn lit and two large sacks appeared before them, jingling. “Red, start breaking the guard and fixing it. I want us to look good and more importantly, I don’t want some feeble-brained drooling mudpony being the last line of defense between me and a pirate’s blade, got that?”
“Me neither,” she admitted.
“Trapper, you grease whatever hooves you need to find out everything about Sterling Heart and Sunmane. I want a full report on their capabilities and weaknesses by the end of the week.” She grinned wickedly. “And then after that, I’ll strike.”
“Oh? You plan to move that fast?” Redeye asked.
“Oh, with the eagerness my new toy has? She’ll do it herself and think it was her idea,” came the response. Walking back towards her desk in order to get a drink, she then added, “And now to the last part: the pirates. We need to show those birdos who their betters are. Aside from your breach, I understand there was an additional raid of a small town by the beach last night?”
Trapper nodded. “Yes. Small place called Shelltown. From what I know, they raided the granary there. No deaths, but they took most of the stores.”
“Okay. From what I understand, the Wow and Flutter is in the area. Signal to their captain to bombard the griffin coastline in retaliation. I don’t care what they hit; I want a message sent: that theft from us will no longer be tolerated.”
“You mean theft from you.”
She shrugged. “One and the same, so it matters little. What does matter is that I want that message sent. After the Navy is done with their little show of force, I want you to take the best forces you have, cross the strait and send the real message.” Her eyes became twin suns of hatred. “Kill whatever is in your path, whether it be a pirate in her or his prime, an elderly griffin or the chick just out of her egg, understood?”
Trapper gave a brutal smile. “So I have your permission to, ‘run wild’, as the saying goes?”
“I expect nothing less from you, Trapper.” Highfalutin’ smiled, and there was a perverse sense of pride in that rictus. “Let those featherheads know the moment they step out of line, we’ll simply depopulate them. After all, even the worthless species care about their young.” She poured herself a glass of wine and swirled it in her magic field, a cruel smile coming to her face. “Soon I will make this place my own and Celestia will realize she has given me the means to topple her. And I assure you, when Unicornia is reborn under my aegis, the rabble will know what it is like to have a true scion of Platinum upon the throne once more.”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” Sunset told Adagio, coffee cup brandished in hand like a sacred talisman. For a rare moment since she arrived, Sunset was allowed a break from her non-stop political run around and learning how to be a princess via trial by fire. Unfortunately, given what was going to occur later that day, that was probably the reason why she was being let off the relative hook, she realized.
Adagio blinked. “But you’re….”
“A normal teenage girl?” Sunset reminded her cousin.
“Seriously.”
“I am being serious. I know what you’re thinking: ‘yes, I should be able to just tap them on the forehead and voila! Instant knowledge?”
“I saw you do that with the bi…with Beryl,” the SIREN sighed. “So I know you can do it.”
“Sure…if we want Ekene or Ushanka to be imbued with the same kind of mindset as Embiggen or the others,” Sunset told her. “But you have to remember something: forget that I’m an alicorn or a goddess or anything else. What am I?”
“My cousin, who I love like a sister and who is busy beating around the bush?” Adagio said as she leaned back in her chair.
“Ha, ha. Seriously.”
“I’m completely at a loss what you mean, Sunny.”
“I don’t mean who I am. I mean what I am. And that is…a typical girl. A typical teenage girl. A typical American teenage girl. When push comes to shove, I don’t have the worldliness that you, your sisters or even Shimmy has. That trip to Europe was the first time I’ve been outside of the US, as far as Earth is concerned.”
Adagio immediately caught what she meant. “And that means that you can’t just ‘infodump’ them?”
“I can’t give them what I don’t know. I’m a Greco-Roman sort of power, Dagi. Not Abrahamic, Vedic or Shamanistic—”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” the triplet said flatly.
“Basically, I can’t give what I don’t know, any more than you can. While I am an immigrant of sorts, I have no idea what it’s like to be an immigrant from Egypt or an exchange student from Vladivostok, so I can’t help them with those particulars. I can make an infodump spell so that our quote, ‘locals’ like Embiggen or Moonblazer accurately know what life is like, and I’m sure that Cady and the others will be more than happy to help the others fit into normal American life as much as possible, but there are going to be gaps – there’s no way around it. I don’t speak Arabic, so I can’t teach it to Ekene. Likewise, I don’t know how much Russian is like Stalliongrad patois, so I’ve no clue. Hell, from what I understand, during the summer, Stalliongrad is actually sunnier than Volgograd, its equivalent on Earth.”
“No way at all?”
“Not unless you want to bring Blossomforth in on all this – she’s the only one I know of that speaks Russian, and given that she’s third-generation, it’s probably nothing like what’s current over there.”
“Great, just fucking great. I have a hard enough time getting them to use the proper pronouns, much less preventing MC Zebras-a-lot from spitting rhymes.” Adagio sighed and put her head on the table. “Fuck my life.”
Sunset giggled. “Well, this is what you wanted, Dagi.”
“Yeah, I know.” From her prone position, she smiled slightly. “I just didn’t think I’d really be the one in charge.”
“Well, for what it’s worth, I have complete faith in you.”
“Because I’m the field commander?”
“Because you’re family.”
“Yeah, well, that and five bucks’ll get you a mocha at Starbucks,” Adagio said with a laugh. “But I’m sure we can work this out…well, at least I hope we can. If we’re lucky, no one’ll look too deeply at their backgrounds, and if Ekene and Ushanka are willing to do a lot of research on their own, that’ll help a lot. Hell, all of them are going to have to do so.”
“Maybe we can ask Shimmy for some help. She and her mother are well-traveled enough and we know we can trust them.”
“That’s an option worth considering,” Adagio admitted, “though I’d rather go for the in-house solutions whenever possible.”
“Okay, anything else I should be aware of?”
“Yeah.” Adagio then went on to explain Embiggen’s education – or rather, lack of it. “And she seems like she wants to learn, but she’s got a very rudimentary education. From what we can figure, at best she’s got a fourth- or fifth-grade education, and that’s a very rudimentary guess. If we’re going to throw her at a high school, we need to bring her up to speed - fast.”
“Well, fortunately, we have a secret weapon.”
“Twily?” Adagio asked.
“Twily,” Sunset agreed. “She should be able to figure out a game plan and I should be able to figure out an infodump from that point. Might have to pool some of the girls’ knowledge together – and boy does that sound weird – but I should be able to bring her up to speed.”
“Good, because she has enough issues as is, and as her commander I want the best for my troops.”
“And for those who aren’t your troops on off-hours?”
“Well, for that…well, I want the best for her. She seems like life took a dump on her because of her size and I can’t wait to realize how much of a stunner she’s going to be the moment she steps into human life.”
Sunset smiled as she reached for her coffee. “That in itself is going to be a unique challenge.”
“Oh?”
“Read up some time on the population ratio ponies have and how unnaturally balanced it is. Then take mares in their prime and make them a different species and put them on a world that doesn’t have that problem. I’m positive they’ll all have boyfriends by the end of their first week on Earth.”
“You think so?”
“Trust me, Capt. Dazzle, your biggest problem is probably not going to be protecting me or executing my requirements on Earth,” Sunset said with a knowing smile. “Your biggest problem is going to be making sure that your forces don’t end up married and pregnant before their first tour of duty is up.”
“You’re joking, right?” In response, Sunset snapped her fingers and a book entitled The Mare Problem: The Dangers of the Pony Population Imbalance appeared before her.
“You didn’t just make this up, did you?”
“No, actually it’s been on the bestselling book list all of last year,” Sunset said sadly.
“Great – now I’ll have to worry about horny, boy-crazed troops as well.”
“You have your work cut out for you, don’t you?”
Adagio laughed. “Yup. Can’t wait.”
Since she didn’t have to head into work immediately this morning, Precious Jewel stopped by one of her favorite arsenals: Rarity4You. The Canterlot store had recently opened an intimates section and she’d heard from a friend that they’d recently stocked a new supply of some pretty racy socks and saddles. Since she knew that sort of attire was going to be vital in wooing the alicorn of her dreams, she just had to stop there.
“And why am I coming with you on my day off?” Polished Silver asked her.
“Polly, if I’m going to look my sexiest for my true love, I just have to be prepared! And since you’re going to be my best mare at my wedding, I’ll need your help to make sure that I’m perfect for her!”
“And knowing you, you probably haven’t even said a single word to her much less anything else,” the other mare replied. “Have you at least told her how you feel?”
“No, but she knows! Just last night when she had me fill out a report for her, she told me that I was doing a great job!”
“Wow, that sounds like unbridled passion,” Silver drolled.
Jewel, either not catching or understanding the sarcasm, nodded in complete agreement. “Yeah! And she’s completely into me! We just need some alone time together and – easy-peasy, smiley breezy – we’ll be official special someponies!”
“You’re hopeless, you know that?”
“Hopelessly in love! You know it!”
As they entered the store, a tall, svelte unicorn mare with a vermillion-and-amber mane and cerulean coat waved at them as she came in. At the moment, she wore a tasteful black and gold dress and was minding the counter with a smile on her face. “Oh, buttons and bodkins! It is so good to see you here at Rarity4You’s Canterlot Carousel! What may I do for you esteemed mares?”
“We’re here because—” Silver began, but was cut off by Jewel’s overdrive mode.
“We’re here because my lovey-dovey special somepony Princess Sunset is so in love with me that I want to make our first night together special!” the officemare sang, “and I want the very best you have for that special moment!”
An inquisitive look came over Sassy’s face. “Is that so?”
Good, Silver thought to herself. Finally somepony besides me that will talk sense into Jewel before she does something terminally stupid!
A wide smile came over the fashionista’s face. “Why, Miss Rarity had not informed me of that. As I recall, she is a friend of the princesses! And if you are the intended of one, then by the surest stitch, I must make sure that you look ideal for your special somepony! Please, right this way – I will do my utmost to ensure that you are nothing less than completely satisfied!”
Jewel squeed.
Silver facehoofed.
In a small bedroom in the palace, a matched battle of wits occurred, a great debate the likes of which had never been seen before in Equestria. Its like would likely never come again, and though there were no bystanders to record this historic contest of wills, still it continued, a matter of great and vital importance to the two individuals whose ideological sides were undisputed and, to each, without question:
“The Power Ponies are cooler!”
“No, the Justice League is!”
This debate had gone on for the duration the two had met and discussed their commonalities and had even overshadowed the original question of import: whether it was cooler to be a dragon that turned into a dog on the other side of a mirror, or to be a dragon that had a human as a counterpart instead of a dog. Though the debate on that discussion had been ardent and lengthy, this current dilemma was of far greater import and urgency to the two opposing sides.
“Are you kidding?” A purple claw pointed at Power Ponies Unlimited Vol. 6, Issue 16. “When the Treasure Trancer trapped Radiance in her own shield and she had seconds to save Maretropolis? Now that’s claw-biting action there!”
“Oh, please! Batman would have stomped Treasure Trancer in an instant!” A young hand brandished Justice League of America, the current digital series, via his phone. “And try and tell me that someone like Zapp could handle the Joker!”
The two youths continued to argue about who the best superheroes were, each staking their claim as was their wont and duty to their culture and mores.
And while neither of them could come to a satisfactory conclusion…
…it at least kept them both out of mischief.
Once again, a crowd had gathered at Quick Note’s to watch deft fingers splay across mithril strings, with a melody more hypnotic than any siren’s utterances, crooning a bittersweet song whose lyrics contained a surprising universality, whether from their own lands or the one this song originated from. The spectators were, as like last time, silent in their awe. Some were moved to tears at the spectacle before them, while others swayed to and fro, carried on by tune and tone amongst the musical tide.
“Oh, Penelope
Are you filled with air?
Swallowed oxygen that make you float up?
Is it dropsy?
Where your lungs swell?
It’s depressing me to see you struggle…”
As the assembly of those gathered bobbed and weaved in time with the musical spell being cast, a newcomer had joined the crowd. Sitting there in disguise, appearing to be nothing more than a nondescript Solar Guard, Blueblood was utterly entranced by the aural beauty before him, utterly awed by the skillful artistry of his human companion.
Certainly he’d heard beautiful music before: His mother, being a siren, came from a culture with a rich musical background and thus she completely enjoyed music and played piano in her spare time. Likewise, Pavane had been a violin aficionado, often accompanying her best friend on her off-time. And though his youngest sister Cauda didn’t play an instrument, she often loved singing. While he himself had no particular talent in those arts, he was no stranger to tunes and melodies by any means.
And yet, somehow, this music from another world touched part of his soul that he hadn’t even seemed to know before. Octavia (his close friend and sister figure, not the human girl playing the guitar), had once told him that music was love and that when it was capable of reaching you in places you hadn’t thought were possible, that was when you realized the true power and majesty of the art itself. If so, Octavia (this time the girl playing before him) was an artist of the highest caliber.
It felt as though she was reaching out to him, note by note, pulling him forward with an invisible silken strand of tuneful twine, drawing him inexorably closer and closer, as if he had no choice but to follow the edicts of that unspoken command.
I wonder if Blazewing was right, he wondered. In his life, he hadn’t really been lucky enough to have anypony of value to stick around, and the one that he’d wanted there he had to push away because he was shackled by the twin chains of duty and his station. The former ensured that his life wasn’t truly his own, while the latter drove a bevy of bitdiggers and trophy mares towards him on a regular basis. None of those had been ever worthy of his time, not because they weren’t beautiful, elegant or refined. Oh, certainly they were, but that was only on the outside. On the inside, they were selfish, self-centered mares and he wanted nothing to do with any of them.
Only Maple Flavor had ever been worthy of his heart, and because he didn’t want her to suffer the fate that his predecessor’s wife had, he pushed her away and now she was forever away from his grasp and his heart. After that time, he’d hardened his feelings and consigned himself to the ugly realities of being alone.
But now, because of his friend’s words, for the first time he began to wonder if that was really true.
“I’m treading water with my oars
Glass galleons anchored, ocean's floor
I’m diving down with all my gear
In search of treasure, para me corazon…
“Take you to the forest
Let you feel the raindrops falling down
Seeping through your red scales
Eliminate the faucet,
Eliminate the need for water,
Replace it with a safe shell…”
This stranger, this mare that was technically not a mare…she had come out of nowhere and by happenstance come into his life. She was the alternate reality counterpart of the mare that was practically his sister, and in just a hoofful of hours had captured his attention in a way that he hadn’t even thought possible. Was Blazewing’s joke anything but? How could he look at her like that when she was another Octavia Melody, and not even a legal adult, to boot?
Is there something wrong with me?
And the music played on.
“Don’t want to see you floating upside down
On the top of the bowl when I come around to visit you
Don't want to see you floating upside down
No, girl
Need you there, need you there, need you there
“Ooh, release that air
“I’m treading water with my oars
Glass galleons anchored, ocean's floor
I’m diving down with all my gear
In search of treasure, para me corazon…”
It was funny; the song that Octavia was playing was (by her own admission) a ballad about a human worried about his pet goldfish, a paean to his beloved pet. But somehow, it seemed like more than that; it seemed as though it was also a real and metaphysical cry for freedom at the same time.
Right now, that was how Blueblood felt. Somehow his world had suddenly been turned upside down, become a whirlwind without any sense of control, and he was desperate to lay a hoof on any sense of normalcy…
…and strangely enough, he had to wonder if the appendage offering stability was not a hoof, but instead a hand.
For a moment, he wondered what it would be like to be human.
“Take you to the forest
Let you feel the raindrops falling down
Seeping through your red scales
Eliminate the faucet,
Eliminate the need for water,
Replace it with a safe shell…
“If they summon the rains now
Are you gonna rise?
If they summon the rains now
Are you gonna rise?”
As the final sound drifted away from the guitar, the room exploded in applause and Blueblood’s reverie snapped away. As his head cleared from his thoughts, he realized he was drowning in a sea of hoofstomps, whistles and cheers, all for the beautiful creature before him. He wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly felt a surge of jealousy, one he couldn’t explain.
He felt a jab in his side and he turned to look at Quick Note, who had a wide smile on his face. “Stallion, I tell you: my business has exploded – twice, no less! – since that human mare’s been playing here. I swear, if she stayed in Equestria, I’d give her half my store! With everything she’s done, she’s more than earned it, I tell ya!”
“She is most certainly something,” Blueblood responded in his faked Trottingham accent.
“Well, I can honestly say that it’s rare that I see an accomplished musician of any type come into my store. Even the ponies that play with Royal Canterlot Orchestra and other musical luminaries usually only come in for one instrument. The human girl here? She can play five – in addition to that acoustic guitar she’s playing, she’s also ordered a contrabass, a bass guitar, and a violin. In addition to that, she also played the piano we have in the corner for a bit. Heh, I didn’t even know that it wasn’t tuned until she played a quick ditty on it the other day and noted a sour note. And I thought ponies had the better ear for music!”
Blueblood, however, didn’t hear a thing the shopkeeper had said. Instead, his eyes were completely focused on the beauty who, having set down the guitar, idly chit-chatted with other musicians and patrons in the store. Several of them had asked about this “Penelope” (he supposed that was the name of the fish) and if all humans loved their pets enough to write a song about them, but none of that registered in his mind. All his mind was on the enchanting violet eyes, the luscious raven mane and the friendly smile that seemed to be so different from the similar individual he knew.
“I know that look, Sergeant.” Blueblood finally reacted, remembering that he was in disguise. He turned to look at the shopkeeper, who had a smile on his muzzle like the manticore that ate the phoenix. “Yeah, she’s some kind of special mare, if I don’t say so myself. Heh, look at you: pride of the Solar Guard, could probably get yourself any mare there is, and yet you’ve got your eye set on that human mare here. Just be careful: she’s tied to Princess Sunset and I suspect that after the coronation, she’s probably headed back to the human world, wherever it is. A shame, that; I know plenty of stallions who would go ga-ga over that gal.”
“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re talking about, sir,” Blueblood replied in a weak protest. “I am merely here to provide protection for the Lady Octavia.”
“Oh, I’m sure you don’t,” Quick replied with a chuckle. “Just don’t let your heart get broken. Too many songs about that as is.” With that, he then went off to talk to Octavia himself, as well as make some announcements on the mini-stage and a few other things of note, leaving the disguised prince to his own thoughts.
“Don’t let your heart get broken”, the stallion had told him. It was too late for that. He’d had that happen far too many times. He’d let his heart die once already because of duty, and instead there were too many mares he didn’t want because, well, he wanted more than they were capable of giving. And yet, when he looked at her, he felt something he hadn’t felt in quite some time. Something he hadn’t felt since the days that he and Maple had been together, fighting the good fight and loving each other when they could.
He shook his head, chuckling – clearly, he was overthinking things. The whole idea, after all, was silly if not borderline insane. After all, she was a human and while that wasn’t particularly an issue, the fact was, she was an adolescent, whereas he was probably closer to double her age. He didn’t know how that worked in the human world, but here in Equestria, those kinds of relationships were frowned upon.
Furthermore, she was Octavia Melody, and he was Blueblood. Her counterpart was like a sister to him, and one of the few ponies in the world he could trust with anything. And as for his counterpart, the one Octavia had come across before? Well….
Blueblood swore if he ever somehow met his human counterpart, there would be more than just words to be had, he decided. He would make sure that cretin paid for what he’d done to Octavia. She was too wonderful a mare to have suffered from whatever that brute had done, and Blueblood was very much interested in payback.
“Sgt. Azure?” He shook his head and found Octavia staring at him. “Are you…alright?”
“Perfectly fine, milady,” he responded in his faked accent once more, coughing into his hoof. “I was just…thinking about things, ‘sall.”
She didn’t look convinced. “Well, if you’re sure….”
“Absolutely right as rain,” he assured her. “Now then, if you’re done here, then I believe you have time for lunch before you need to return to the palace to prepare for your attendance of Princess Sunset’s meeting before the House of Nobles.”
Octavia frowned; though he knew that wasn’t his fault, he never wanted to see her with that look on her face again. It bothered him immensely that it sat there.
“Well, let me wrap up here, and then I suppose we can find a place to enjoy lunch,” she said softly, then went on to talk to Quick Note about setting up the delivery of her order to the castle. Quick happily did so, though he was sad to know that today would be the last day that she would be able to perform at his store; tomorrow she would head off to Ponyville to meet some friends there, and then to return the day after to prepare for the coronation. That in itself would tie up Quick’s store, as he was supplying some of the backup strings for the instruments in the event that a string broke onstage.
But none of that mattered to Blueblood. Strangely enough, he decided that he was going to do whatever he could to spend the remaining time with her as much as he could. Give her good memories of a good Blueblood before she had to face that bastard again.