"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Foolish mortals! You tread into the dark and foreboding realm of the Underworld! Your lives, as you have known them, have come to their end, and now only endless darkness awaits thee! Hold dearly to your last memories of the sun and the sky, for they will be the last you ever have of them! Weep and cower, for you stand before the great Sombra, Lord of this domain, and your master henceforth! Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!"
The towering man, clad entirely in black armour and a flowing red cap, gazed down at the woman before him, who eyed him carefully. Raising a finger to her chin, she gave a quick "hmmm" sound before ultimately letting out a sigh.
"Sorry, honey, but I think you might be going just a touch overboard with that one."
Sombra's shoulders slumped.
"But Radiant! I am the Lord of the Underworld! Mortals sort of expect this kind of thing from me! I mean I can't just have lost or condemned souls wandering in here and being greeted by flowers and rainbows, can I?"
Radiant, giving her all-black dress a quick brush down, stepped forward and gave her husband a quick peck on the cheek.
"Don't you worry, Somby. We just need to tweak the speech a tad. Maybe be less 'grrr, cower, doom' and a bit more...well...stern and foreboding. You know, just loom ominously until they get the message?"
Sombra pondered that.
"Hmmm...scare them without saying a word?"
Gradually, a grim formed on his lips.
"Yes...I think I like that idea!"
Radiant giggled.
"I thought you would. Now, I think we should get back to what we were talking about earlier."
The Lord of the Underworld rolled his eyes.
"Sweetie, for the last time, we are not getting a dog!"
Radiant clasped her hands together.
"Oh please! It'd be just a joy to have an animal down here. Think of all the fun you two could have! I mean, what do you do when you're not looking over the souls of the damned?"
Sombra thought on that for a moment.
"Well...I practice my growling. I buff my armour. And...um..."
Slowly, his face became one of acceptance.
"Okay, you might have a point there."
Smiling, Radiant took on a more triumphant tone.
"Don't you worry, honey. We'll get one that fits the décor a bit. Maybe a black one?"
Sombra's eyes lit up.
"Oh! Let's get a really big one too! Something with sharp fangs and blood-red eyes!"
It was Radiant's turn to roll her eyes.
"Whatever makes you happy, honey."
Sombra's grin widened.
"And a name? We've got to think of a good one. Um...Oh, I know! How about Harbinger? Or Reaper?"
Radiant gave him a few slow blinks, then smiled and gave him a pat on the head.
"Leave the names to me, Somby."
The Dark Lord chuckled.
"Oh Radiant, you always did have a way with me."
Looking around at the black and cavernous realm around them, Radiant placed her hands upon her hips.
"Well, do you remember what this place was like before I arrived? This place was completely messed up! No, you needed some help, and if a Queen was the help in question, then a Queen I'd become."
Sombra nodded, looking off into the distance as nostalgic thoughts returned to him.
"Yes...I remember that day like it was yesterday."
"Fear where you tread, fair maiden! For you now enter the domain of Sombra, Lord of all things dark and painful! Your foolish decision to come here may doom you before your time!"
Radiant nodded.
"Uh-huh, yeah. Say, where are the pomegranates?"
Sombra blinked.
"Oh, er, they're over there, on that dead tree."
He pointed out the tree in question, which Radiant studied for a time. But then, remembering that he'd broken character, Sombra cleared his throat, getting right back into it.
"But be warned, for that fruit is forbidden! One bite will condemn you to an eternity of dwelling in this place! So take care, maiden, for you will..."
Unbeknownst to him, however, Radiant had been ignoring him during all that and had instead marched intently towards the tree that had been pointed out to her. She walked right up to it, reached up, plucked the tastiest-looking pomegranate off its branch, and before Sombra could even notice what she was doing, she opened her mouth and bit right into it. The sound of her bite altered the Dark Lord to what was going on, and when he finally noticed her, his eyes widened with shock. He was stunned at the sheer brazenness of this woman, who took bite after bite from the forbidden fruit until it was, at last, devoured completely. There was a silence as Radiant wiped the remaining juice of the thing from her lips, after which she turned right around and marched back to Sombra. Stretching out her hand, she took his, and looked right into his eyes in a manner that could only be described as amorousness.
"Alrighty then...let's get down to business...my King."
Blinking, Sombra gave an almighty swallow.
"...Meep."
Sombra afforded himself another chuckle.
"Oh yeah...that was a good night."
Radiant gave her husband an arched eyebrow.
"Technically it was six-hundred-and-sixty-six nights, dear."
Sombra snapped his fingers.
"Ah, yes, of course, have to keep the theme going and all that."
Looking down to her, the Dark Lord smiled.
"Oh, what would I ever do without you?"
Radiant gave a quick shrug of her shoulders.
"Meh, probably just glare angrily at everyone who came down here."
Sombra nodded.
"Yes...I do enjoy my glaring."
Just then, there was a shake, and the two heads of the Underworld cast their eyes upwards, towards a great hole that lay in the centre of the ceiling above this endless realm.
"Ah, new arrival," Sombra remarked.
Radiant raised a finger to him.
"Now remember, honey..."
But Sombra already knew what she was going to say.
"Yes, yes, I know. Less growling, more looming."
The two floated gracefully over the lands as they made their way to where new souls arrive. Or, well, "plummeted" should be the right word actually. And plummet he did, as a young man with green hair unceremoniously dropped out of the hole and right onto the ground before the two Gods. Getting himself up, the human rubbed his head as if nursing a massive headache, before finally widening his eyes as he realised where he was.
"GAH!!! OH NO!!!"
"Oh yes!" Sombra declared.
The human turned, stepping back fearfully as he laid his eyes upon his new Master.
"No...no! Please! I...I'm too young to die!"
Radiant regarded him for a moment.
"You know, come to think of it...he does look to young to die."
Sombra raised an eyebrow.
"What is your name, mortal?"
The lad fumbled, but finally answered.
"Um...Timber?"
Sombra thought on that for a moment, then grumbled.
"Oh, for the love of...you're not supposed to be here for years yet! What are you doing here?!"
The human, naturally, was still terrified, but tried to explain as best he could.
"Well, I got into the middle of a fight between two Goddesses and there was this big explosion and I got hurt and, well...I was a bit more messed up than I thought."
Sombra rolled his eyes.
"Honestly, those girls!"
Rubbing his temples, he sighed, then nodded to Timber.
"Okay, look. You're here too early, so I'm sending you back."
Timber dropped to his knees and clasped his hands together in prayer.
"Oh, thank Celestia!"
Sombra frowned, then coughed deliberately.
"Ahem?!"
Timber looked to him, realising what he needed to say.
"Oh! Um, and praise too to you, Lord Sombra!"
"Just...go," Sombra mumbled.
With a snap of the Lord's fingers, the boy was gone, leaving a rather grumpy-looking Sombra to his thoughts.
"These humans. Can't they ever keep to a schedule? Ugh! They'll be the death of me one day!"
Radiant smirked at him.
"Honey...we can't actually die."
Sombra paused, then smirked right back.
"Then they'll be the eternal headache of me then."