"Go ahead and feast great Ramsay! Test our culinary creations and tell us how skilled we are!" Luna cried confidently to the man in question.
Gordon looked cautiously at the odd-looking dish he was just given and was unsure whether it was safe to eat. The grey blob filled to the brim with vegetables and strangely colored cheese forced him to inquire what he was going to eat before he made himself sick.
'Maybe this is something unique to this world that they make regularly?' he thought hopefully. 'At least it appears she worked hard on making it....maybe?'
"What, if I might ask is this dish that you have made?" Gordon asked Luna.
"Tis our first and greatest breakfast dishes: a Vegetable omelet with sourdough toast."
He raised his eyebrow at her before looking at the dish and then back at her.
"Well there's a bit of a problem with that," Gordon stated.
"....What might that be if I might ask?" Luna asked cautiously.
"It's absolutely dreadful. If I bite into that, it will make me sick," Gordon replied. "It's like a fucking soggy clam that died after being force-fed ten pounds of moldy cheese!"
The entire throne room hallway went so silent that you could hear a pin drop to the floor.
"You..." Luna hissed. "YOU DARE TO MAKE A MOCKERY OF OUR COOKING?"
"Oh, dear....now it begins," Celestia muttered in anticipation.
"WE SHOULD HAVE YOU HUNG BY YOUR LEGS IN THE DUNGEON FOR TALKING TO US IN SUCH A MANNER!"
"Don't scream at me your worship," he replied condescendingly. "I'm just calling it like it is. The greyish-yellow coloring to the eggs is a dead giveaway. You served me fucking rotten food!"
"We cooked thou's food, Ramsay. We did not serve thou rotten food," Luna said back snootily.
"ARE YOU STUPID?" Gordon snapped. as he jumped out of his chair "ROTTEN FOOD IS STILL ROTTEN EVEN WHEN ITS COOKED! YOU USED FUCKING FAULTY INGREDIENTS!!!"
"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE THAT YOU FILTHY HUMAN! WE HAVE SQUASHED STALLIONS BIGGER THAN THOU FOR SAYING SUCH HORRID THINGS TO US!!!"
"I DON'T CARE WHO YOU HAVE SQUASHED PRECIOUS!!! I'M GOING TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH!! THAT's WHY I AM HERE AT ALL!!!"
'This is turning out worse than I thought. Perhaps I should step in before Luna makes with the skeleton removal spell on Gordon,' Celestia thought.
"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW OUR ROYAL CHEFS OBTAIN THE FINEST INGREDIENTS IN THE WORLD FOR OUR OWN FOOD YOU FILTHY CRETIN! OUR CREATIONS ARE THE FINEST IN THE LAND!"
Gordon had just about enough of her high and mighty attitude and wasn't going to take it any longer. He slammed his fist on the table and got into her face. She was so surprised at his audacity that she backed up a few feet.
I DON'T GIVE A DONKEY'S FAT FLABBY ARSE IF YOU GET YOUR INGREDIENTS FROM FUCKING THE FUCKING POLAR ICE CAPS OF MARS. YOU COULD LITERALLY KILL PEOPLE WITH FOOD LIKE THIS!!!"
Luna's face seemed to deflate and her expression turned into a look of confusion and fear.
"What?" Luna asked in bewilderment. "W-we....c-could kill ponies with food like this?"
"HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT? ARE YOU STUPID OR ARE YOU SOME KIND OF MEDIEVAL-MINDED TWIT?"
"Well, he's half right on the second one," Rainbow quietly snickered which earned her a smack to the back of the head from Applejack.
"I can't believe this is really happening," Twilight lamented. "Gordon is going to be banished to the moon, or worse."
"I'm more worried about the Princess," Gordon's director Jay chuckled.
"I'm gonna drop by Wade's to get some popcorn and hot sauce, this is getting good!" Pinkie exclaimed quietly as she zipped away to an unknown location.
"Where is your kitchen? I can show you EXACTLY what you have been doing wrong here." Gordon concluded firmly.
After a moment of silence, Luna pointed down one of the hallways and started walking down it, signaling Gordon to follow. With curiosity, everyone in attendance at the feast followed the duo down the hallway and down a corner where they came across one of the largest kitchens that they had ever set their eyes upon. The ceiling was about 30 hooves above them and the length of the kitchen had to be half the size of a hoof ball field. Twilight smiled in remembrance at the tiled room filled with wonderful smells where the Princess would get her snacks as a filly. The counters in the center of the room for preparing food were made out of marble with a swirling white and black pattern. Luna directed Gordon to one of the counters on the other side of the kitchen that seemed to be smoldering with various ingredients and globs of food spread about all over the place. Bits of burnt food could even be seen crusted to the bottoms of the pans and stovetop. Spices of various origins could be seen pouring out all over the counter top presumably after being knocked over by accident.
"Holy crap!" Gordon exclaimed. "This is disgusting!"
"Oh my," Fluttershy gasped. "This is...definitely a bit of a mess."
"It looks like mah own kitchen after Apple Bloom tries to use it herself. Or Rainbows after making spaghetti tacos smothered with liquid rainbow," Applejack quipped.
"Hey! That happened like once!" Rainbow replied jokingly. "Only my ceiling was damaged. The floor just got a small scorch mark."
"I'm afraid Princess I respectfully must concur with Gordon. For the few times I have been in her kitchen when she bakes, even Pinkie knows to thoroughly clean when she makes a mess like this," Rarity agreed.
Gordon went up to the counter and took a peek at the eggs that Luna was using. He picked up one of them and immediately knew what he was dealing with.
"Alright, the first major problem here is these eggs are spoiled!" Gordon cried. "How long have these been out?"
Luna looked down in shame and then picked her head up a little bit to answer him.
"We believe that we may have accidentally kept those out for about a week. I understand those need to be kept frozen?"
"NO, NO, NO, NO, absolutely NOT!" Gordon snapped. "You do not freeze eggs. That will ruin them. You just need to keep them chilled. Now, what about all of these spices?"
Gordon sniffed one of the blackened pans and reared back in disgust.
"Oh, my god. Is that burnt salt and paprika? Why are there layers of burnt spices crusted to the pans?"
"W-we thought we had to put the spices down first before we put the eggs down on the pan," Luna replied timidly.
Gordon slapped his face with the palm of his hand and gave a deep sigh.
"Looks like I have my work cut out for me with this one," he muttered to himself. 'Looks like she's still a bit immature mentally, so I suppose a bit of tact might do her some good.'
Trying to remain as calm as he possibly could, Gordon had Celestia, Twilight, and the other girls help to clean up Luna's mess which surprisingly took them half an hour to complete. Celestia herself chipped in by mopping up the floor which was covered in food and dirt. Then he went over to one of the kitchen's many cupboards to look at the state of their ingredients. He had hoped that their pantries would be of the same pristine state that Twilight's enchanted pantry was. Much to his dismay, he found that the pantry Luna had been getting ingredients from for her personal use was barely holding together.
"This pantry is barely holding together," Gordon said before sticking his hand on the inside to check the temperature. "And it's warm! Don't you realize that food ingredients in a storage place like this will never turn out good?"
Afterward, he pulled out a clean frying pan that was left off to the side and showed Luna how to properly make an omelet. He opened a cupboard and pulled out many ingredients.
"Turn on the heat to medium," he began explaining as he slightly turned the dial on the stove and lit a small flame.
When he saw that Luna understood, he continued.
"Put olive oil into a hot pan and wait for a minute. Then finely chop a few different vegetables."
He grabbed a wooden cutting board and a nearby knife and proceeded to cut the vegetables with pristine skill and speed.
"Then add the chopped tomatoes," he continued as he scraped the tomatoes into the sizzling pan. "Then the spring onions, and proceed to fry them."
He quickly glanced over at the group and saw how mesmerized they were by his demonstration. Even Twilight and Princess Celestia were vigorously scribbling down notes into notepads they had materialized. When he saw that Luna was listening, he went on to the next step.
"Now, here's the kicker," he said to her. "LIGHTLY season the frying veggies with salt and pepper. Too much will overwhelm the food you are cooking."
He grabbed two nearby salt and pepper grinders that she had been using and gave each grinder a few good twists to lest out a modest amount of salt and pepper before setting them aside.
"Usually, I would have used prawns in this recipe, but since we have a vegetarian audience here, I'm gonna have to use something else."
Gordon heard Fluttershy whimper in distress at the mention of cooking prawns. He had heard from Twilight about her sensitivity towards harming any kind of creature.
'Perhaps I should have a calm chat with her later,' Gordon thought.
"However, I can still make do," Gordon continued as he grabbed a pinch of red pepper flakes and sprinkled them all over the other ingredients.
He then grabbed a carton of eggs from a cooled pantry nearby, a medium-sized bowl, and a metal whisk.
"Next you beat four eggs and then heat another frying pan with olive oil. Then when it is heated up enough, pour in the eggs and wait a few seconds to let it firm up."
For the next step, he grabbed a fistful of an herb from a bag beneath the counter and a spatula for the pan.
"Sprinkle on freshly chopped oregano, which works brilliantly with eggs. And then carefully spoon over the spicy vegetable mix, before folding one side over to the other to make a great omelet".
He carefully folded the omelet in half and placed it on a plate. To top off his creation, he placed a small piece of parsley to decorate the dish.
"And finished," Gordon said as he pulled out a handful of forks from one of the drawers.
He then placed them on the table and motioned for the group of ponies to come over and each has a single bite. To which, they all proceeded to do. Luna levitated the fork and gingerly took a small piece of the omelet. They bit down on their pieces and slowly chewed, allowing the flavor to sink in. Immediately after swallowing, they all burst into faces of pure bliss. Several pleasant groans could be heard coming from each of them as if they had just been given the most wonderful massage in the world.
"Excellent Gordon, absolutely excellent," Celestia chimed.
"That was absolutely divine Chef Ramsay!" Rarity happily exclaimed.
"Oh, dear Celestia, that was amazing!" Twilight added.
"Wow, that was awesome!," Rainbow agreed. "Got any more?"
Everyone else had their own response to Gordon's excellent cooking. Which caused Luna to slowly make her way over to Gordon and get on her forelegs into what Gordon could tell was probably their version of a bow.
"Mighty Ramsay! We beg of thee!" Luna meekly cried. "Accept us as thy student in the ways of the culinary. Thou have proven thy mastery over us."
"Now hold on a moment," Gordon interrupted. "I don't have mastery over you princess. However, I believe I might be able to come over from time to time to...instruct you on how to cook properly. If that is alright Princess Celestia."
"I think that is a lovely idea, Gordon!" Celestia said. "I think we both would like a proper teacher around here."
"We are honored to be accepted by a glorious individual such as yourself Gordon Ramsay," Luna said as she was still kneeling.
'Jeez, this woman needs to calm the fuck down and loosen up a little bit,' he thought.
Instantly, a loud gurgling could be heard from everyone's stomach present in the room. Which caused them all to laugh.
"We got so caught up watching Gordon's lesson that we forgot to eat our breakfast," Twilight said sheepishly.
"What a shame," Rarity lamented. "All of the food has probably gone cold by now."
"Aw, I hate puttin good food to waste," Applejack said with a depressed tone. "Especially the food yer own wonderful chefs made Princess Celestia."
"Oh, don't worry Applejack, things happen. We can just have them make more. And I think I know what we should have them make," Celestia said thoughtfully. "Chef Buck! Can you and your chefs come in here please?"
Then all of a sudden, an aging unicorn stallion with a grey mane and yellow fur galloped into the kitchen accompanied by a group of chef stallions and mares.
"What may I do for you your highness?" the chef asked.
"This is the famous human chef Gordon Ramsay," Celestia explained while pointing to the human with her hoof. "He has a recipe that I want you to make for all of us for breakfast. I would like you to listen to him. If that is alright with the two of you."
"I don't see why not," the elderly stallion replied as he walked up to Gordon and shook his hand. "Whether pony, human, or any race, It is always nice to exchange knowledge from fellow culinary artists."
"Likewise," Gordon replied respectfully. "I'll do what I can to help. Just make sure your team pays close attention. I go a little fast sometimes."
While Celestia, Luna, Twilight, and the others went back into the throne room where Luna had set up their dining table, Gordon quickly repeated the recipe that he had shown Luna. It wasn't long before dozens of plates came out and replaced everyone's cold meal with a fresh, hot one. Gordon came out with his own and set it down where he was sitting.
"Now that we are all here," Celestia started. "Why don't we enjoy ourselves? Let's eat!"
Then suddenly, a familiar pink pony popped into the room out of thin air.
"Earth!" Twilight exclaimed. "Pinkie! Where have you been? You missed Gordon's demonstration and Luna's learning moment."
"Nuh-uh," Pinkie jokingly replied. "I was up in the rafters eating my friend Wade's specialty wasabi popcorn watching the show! His cable was bad at his apartment, so I came back to see the hi-def version."
"What in all things apple orchards are you talking about girl, and who in Sam Hill is this friend of yers anyhow sugar?" Applejack asked with her eyebrow raised.
"He's a sneaky red ninja who's currently voicing a yellow mouse who's addicted to coffee and shoots lightning out of his butt," Pinkie nonchalantly replied with a large smile plastered all over her face.
"Woman, I have known mental cases more understandable than you," Gordon said.
"I don't know what that means, but I'll say thanks anyway!" Pinkie replied.
"Uggghhh"
Next Time on Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures:
Casing a Gourmand part 1