(Act 2)
Though the king didn't know it, while she was busy scolding the Soothsayer, a great army had just landed on the shore to the south. Funny coincidence, huh?
“Attention, everypony!” Warlord Starlight Glimmer announced, levitating over her generals. “We have lived under the oppressive hoof of King Rainbow Dash and Queen Rarity for long enough! Today is the day we finally rise up and take our revenge!”
General Maud Pie raised her hoof. “I thought we were coming to conquer the nation. Like bad guys, and such.”
“I thought we were gonna be reclaimin' a stolen treasure,” General Applejack interjected, raising an eyebrow. “Didn't y'all get the memo?”
“What's a memo?” Maud asked, deadpan as ever. Why did they write that in the script? Can’t any pony tell she’s just bursting with excitement?
Speaking of excitement, now it’s my turn to be a character in the story! “Oh, I know! I know!” I, General Pinkie Pie, bounced to the front. “It's like a letter, only it's in a super-secret code! So instead of 'invade the castle 'cause the king and queen are evil' it'd be like 'beep boop, beep boop, we're the bad guys after all.” I really am the best at telegraph noises.
“YEAH!” cried General Bulk Biceps.
“SILENCE!” A bolt of magic lightning cracked overhead. Dang, Starlight, you can be super scary when you’re mad!
“Oh, sorry, am I overdoing it?” Starlight’s cheeks flushed red as she landed next to me.
Wait, did I say that part about being scary out loud? Um, I mean… “It’s nothing, Lord Starlight. Please continue to be your evil tyrannical warlord self!”
Starlight wipes the sweat from her brow, but not before muttering something about always playing the bad guy. Well, Sunset Shimmer isn’t here, so who else would play the part?
“As I was saying,” Starlight continued, levitating back into the air for yet more maniacal speeches. “Each of you generals will march around the castle, converging at the stroke of midnight. Many years ago, I was the sole ruler of this kingdom, until the day that monster Rainbow Dash and her banshee of a wife
Rarity cast me out! But today, I shall have my revenge!”
“Now wait just a cotton pickin’ minute,” Applejack stomped her hoof. “I thought we were s’posed to be the bad guys here, but now ya go and tell me it's Rainbow Dash who's the monster for stealin’ yer throne? Somethin’ tells me you can’t keep yer story straight!”
“Well… um… you see, the thing about that is…” Starlight chuckled nervously, looking left and right as she tried to remember what her villain motivation was supposed to be. “Oh, to heck with it.” A flash of her horn, and a bubble of silence was cast around Applejack’s head. “Does anypony else dare to question my villain status?”
Nopony else dared say a word – except for Appljeack, who for some reason continued to rant into her bubble. Silly AJ!
“Good,” Starlight rubs her hooves together as a mad grin grew across her face. “Now, march into your positions, and be ready to fire the catapults—”
“How will we know when to fire?” Maud interrupted. “We’ll all in different places, and watches don't exist in this story. So, I doubt we’ll hear you announce the time.” Silly Maud, doesn’t she know about Starlight’s super-secret evil plan of doom? All she had to do is—
“Pinkie! Spoilers!” Queen Rarity yelled somewhere in the distance. Wow, now that’s an impressive voice! Princess Luna would be so proud.
Starlight cleared her throat. “As I was going to say before being so rudely interrupted, you will know my signal when you see it. And once I give the order, you will unleash Tartarus on our enemies!”
A perfectly fine order, but there was one question I just had to ask.
“Yes, Pinkie Pie?” Starlight sighed. How did she know I was about to ask a question? She must have mind reading as one of her evil powers!
“Just ask the question, Pinkie,” she added, rolling her eyes and resting her chin in her hooves. Wow, she’s good at this!
“Can I use my party cannon as part of the attack? Pretty please!”
Starlight gave me a deep, scary frown, which made me worry she was gonna bubble me next! “Fine!” She grumbled. “I don’t care what you use! Just make sure it hits something.”