//------------------------------//
// 3 - The First Step 
// Story: Some Mistakes Are Forever 
// by Holy 
//------------------------------//

Sunset clutched her phone close to her chest. The overcast skies outside her window were a far cry from the bright, sunny beginnings of spring that they should be, but it felt appropriate for today. Sunset took in another nervous breath, her instincts screaming on her to cancel with Wallflower and just spend the day with her friends. That's what would be comfortable, but she knew it wouldn't make her forget. She shook away the thought. Putting things off is what got her here in the first place.

She tugged on her leather jacket and shifted around in her boots to make sure her fresh clothes were on tight. A twelve hour nap, a shower, and a quick breakfast with Twilight certainly made her feel better than yesterday, but the horrible truth still weighed on heart, and she knew she couldn't ignore it. Hopefully a breakdown on yesterday's caliber wouldn't be in the cards. Wallflower's prospect of a Sunday lunch with his parents before going to the graveyard was terrifying to her, but she knew this was something she'd have to face. She took some quick solace in the hope that she'd find answers. His parents could tell her what to do to make up for this. After all, who would be hurt worse by all this?

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" Twilight asked as she adjusted her glasses. Sunset looked over to see her sit up on the couch. She almost let out a laugh, since it was Twilight's turn to look disheveled after the night of talking and playing video games they'd shared. Sleeping on her old couch probably didn't help either.

"I think it might be better if I just go with Wallflower. Timber might want a little time with you this weekend anyway, don't you think?" Sunset said, trying to give her friend a comforting smile.

"There will always be next week. This is something I don't think anyone would want to do alone," Twilight said, concern spreading over her face.

Sunset let out a sigh, clutching her phone a little tighter. "Wallflower will be with me at least."

Twilight pursed her lips as Sunset turned back around to look outside. Fifteen more minutes to go. She could already feel her heart beating harder. Sunset jolted upright at the feeling of two arms wrapping around her, then relaxed once she felt Twilight's head against her shoulder.

"I'm not good with these kinds of things. I'm sorry I couldn't help more. I just want to say I've seen you go through so much, I know you can get through this too," Twilight said. The sweet gesture from her otherwise awkward friend eased her troubled mind a little, but the storm of emotions brewing was unfortunately far from over. Sunset turned around and returned the embrace, savoring the warm kindness before she had to face the world.

"I'm definitely glad you were here," Sunset looked down at her phone over Twilight's shoulder. Only ten minutes now. If she didn't hurry she might miss it. "I've got to go, but let's meet up tomorrow night. That chemistry project isn't going to perfect itself."

Twilight stepped back and gave her a smile. "Heh, sounds good. Text me to let me know how it went?"

Sunset gave her a weak grin in return as she turned to leave. "Sure..."

"Good luck, Sunset," Twilight said with worry quickly filling her tone. Sunset pushed open the front door, and with it all the nervousness piled back onto her like she'd broken a levy. Good luck? She was definitely going to need it.





Sunset tugged on her shirt collar. The chilly day wasn't nearly cold enough to calm her down, and with only a few blocks left to go she could feel her heart beating out of her chest.

"Are you alright?" Wallflower asked with a raised eyebrow.

Sunset cleared her throat. "Yeah, I think... maybe..."

"Sunset, are you sure you want to do this? You can just meet me at the graveyard later if you want."

Sunset took in another deep breath, getting in as much air as she could manage. It still didn't calm her down. "N-no, I think I need to do this. I mean, his parents would want an apology, right?"

Wallflower let out a sigh of her own. "Maybe... Just don't go running off this time, please."

Sunset just gave her a nod. She didn't feel like she could make any promises. She let her potential words run through her head, but nothing seemed like it could be enough. What are you supposed to say to make this any better? Would they even want their son's bully in their house? Sunset tried to imagine what she'd do if someone pushed one of her friends to suicide, and none of the outcomes were pretty. Even thinking about it made her heart drop. Despite the nod, every instinct told her to turn around and run after that thought.

Instead, Sunset clenched her fist and pushed it away. She had to do this. "I have to.." she whispered to herself, clenching her fists tight to keep herself focused.

"Huh?" Wallflower leaned down to try to look around Sunset's hair.

"Oh, nothing." Sunset cleared her throat again, trying to shake away any of her apparent nervousness. "So, do you visit his parents often?"

Wallflower looked away and scrunched her nose. "Yeah... most days actually."

"Huh?"

She let out a long sigh. "My parents are always away on business trips or whatever. Soloman's parents let me stay over there when mine are gone."

"Oh, well, that's really nice of them."

"Yeah... it was nice when he was around."

That meloncholy tone struck Sunset like an icey dagger to the heart. "Wallflower, I'm really, really sorry. If I could--"

She brought up a hand to stop her. Irritation already plain on Wallflower's face. "Just... save it, okay? We're friends now. Let's just keep it in the past."

Sunset looked down at the sidewalk and let out a sigh. "Right..."

"Well, we're here. His mom will probably be nice, but his dad... well, just don't bring up too much, alright?" Wallflower said as she led her down the driveway and up the stairs. Sunset's heart started beating even harder than before at that. Was he going to get angry? Was she going to get attacked? She paused at the first step up to the front door. Her body screamed at her to get away, to just turn around and run away from the danger that was inside. She clenched her eyes shut. Whatever it was, she probably deserved it. Maybe it would make them feel better to take their loss out on her. 

Sunset could feel the lump forming in her throat again. Her instincts to run away weren't as powerful as her desire to make things right, no matter what it meant. She gulped and pushed her way up the stairs to face the reality she made.

"Wallflower! It's so nice to see you, dear. Lunch should be ready in a few minutes."

Sunset blinked a few times, not expecting the happiness exuding from the older woman in front of her. Her bright smile had already infected Wallflower after a quick hug. "Are you going to make those biscuits again?" Wallflower asked with a bright grin and an excited tone. Sunset raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh, this must be your new friend you've told me about, Sunset, wasn't it?"

Sunset stammered for a moment. Not exactly the welcome she was expecting. "Y-yeah, that's me."

"I've heard quite a bit about you, Ms. Shimmer. I can't thank you enough for all you've done for Wallflower. It's incredible how much she's changed over the past couple of months thanks to you."

Sunset blinked a few times and looked around the woman's long, flowing blonde hair. "Did you...?" she mouthed over at Wallflower. She just shook her head. This wasn't going to be fun.

"Oh, I'm Merry by the way. Merry Shade. Do you want to join us for lunch?"

"That, uh... that sounds wonderful, Mrs. Shade," Sunset said, putting on an awkward smile.

"Wonderful! The cobbler should be done in a few minutes. Wallflower, would you mind setting the table?"

"Sure," she said without a moment's hesitation. Sunset followed Wallflower into the dining room, gripping one of her arms as sweat formed on her brow.

"You didn't tell her?" Sunset whispered harshly.

"What was I supposed to say? 'I'm bringing over the girl that...'" Sunset winced and backed away. "Right, sorry. I just didn't know how to tell them, alright? It's not an easy thing to bring up."

Sunset felt like she was in the middle of a marathon. The fact that she'd have to bring it up to such a cheery mom made it so much worse. She contemplated not even bothering and just letting them think she was only Wallflower's friend.

She let out a quick, frustrated grunt, and then a soft whine. As hard as this might be, she knew that trying to hide this would only make it worse. Sunset helped set out the plates and utensils, the dread only growing. Every second that passed came a new, horrible outcome that played out in her head. She grimaced, thinking that the most possible outcome was going to be getting yelled at and kicked out.

"Alright, girls, almost time to dig in," Merry said as she brought in a few trays to set on the table. It was a strange assortment of quesadillas, biscuits, salad, eggs, bacon, and cobbler. 

Sunset raised an eyebrow at the odd assortment. "What meal is this?" she said, almost unintentionally.

Merry just laughed. "Oh, I like to mix and match. The same old boring flavors matched in every meal can get tedious, don't you think?"

Sunset rubbed the back of her neck. "I... I guess so," she said as she took her seat. Wallflower sat at the end of the table beside her, and they both watched as Merry went back into the kitchen for something. 

Sunset let her forhead fall onto the table in front of her. She let out a pained whimper at the thought of crushing this wonderfully cheery person's spirit. "Why did I do this..." she asked to herself.

"It... it gets easier," Wallflower said, her own tinge of sorrow creeping up in her tone.

"How mad do you think they'll be?" Sunset said, looking up at her friend from her uncomfortable wooden pillow.

Wallflower pursed her lips. "I don't think 'mad' is the worst part here."

"What do you--"

Merry strolled in with a few shakers and condiments. "Calvin! Lunch is ready, dear."

Sunset gulped. That must be his dad. She fidgeted in her seat and fought the desperate urge to run. She could already see the seething hatred in his face, the malice in his voice, and the sting of whatever insults they had in store for her. Sunset did her best to try to control her own breathing, but the anticipation was too much. When he finally crossed the threshold into the dining room, Sunset winced, but nothing seemed to happen.

"Calvin, dear. This is a friend of Wallflower's. Her name is Sunset."

He gave her a lazy glance and let out a weak "Morning" before sitting down. Sunset expected a fight with a monster, but the person that sat at the other end of the dining table wasn't that. A fight might have been better.

The cold, blank stare into the coffee cup in front of him told her all she needed to know. This wasn't going to be fun.

"Oh, I forgot to ask, do you have any allergies, dear? Or anything you can't eat?"

Sunset cleared her throat. "Is there any meat in the quesadillas? I... uh, I just eat fish and dairy, if that's okay..." she said, trying to keep her voice from trembling.

"Oh, they're just cheese with some of my own special spices. Oh! I almost forgot, is there something specific you'd like to drink?"

Wallflower reached over and picked up a few biscuits and eggs to put on her plate. "Water is fine."

"Sunset?" she asked.

"Uh, same." Sunset looked down into her lap, the tension inside her growing worse by the second. The dull, empty presence of her dad felt like a fire licking at her side. Every part of her told her to run again. This was too much to take. Maybe she could try again next week? Sunset shut her eyes tightly and gripped her seat. No, it had to be now. Now or never. She took in a few nervous breaths, trying to choose her next words carefully. 

Merry walked in with a few cups and set them around the girls before looking down at Sunset with some concern. "Are you okay, Ms. Shimmer? Was something bad? Oh, I must've left the salad out too long. I can get--"

"It was me!" Sunset finally blurted out, making both Wallflower and Merry jump. His dad didn't even look up though.

"W-what? What's wrong, dear?"

"Sunset," Wallflower said in a harsh whisper.

"I was the one that bullied your son! I'm the reason he's..." Sunset paused for a moment before the harshest form of that sentence slipped out. "...he's not here anymore."

Merry kept making her way around the table, her cheery smile quickly fading. "O-oh..." she let out as she sat down. Wallflower put a hand over her face, doing her best to cringe for them both. 

Sunset's breaths became shallow and ragged. "I just wanted to say how sorry I was. How much I wish I could've helped. If I had known that this would've happened I--"

"Sunset, dear," Merry said. Sunset froze solid as she looked over at his mom, expecting a hateful glare. She only got a gentle look of concern instead. "Please, calm down, it's okay."

"How is it okay? I... I can't fix this. He's gone forever and it's..." Sunset's chest gave a single, uncomfortable, heave as all the feelings washed out of her again. Without even noticing, a few tears trailed down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry," she said through a cracking voice. She looked over at his dad through her blurring vision. As soon as she did, something gripped her heart like a vice. He did the absolute worst thing she ever could have imagined.

Nothing. 

He stared down at his coffee like he didn't even hear anything. That cold, dead stare of a man that didn't care anymore. Sunset placed a hand over her mouth to try to keep the torrent in. "I'm so sorry," she said through another wave of tears. 

"Oh, Sunset, please, don't cry," Merry said, getting up from her seat to walk over to her. Wallflower let out a sigh and leaned over to join in the hug. 

Sunset let herself be embraced, but knew it wouldn't ease the pain. The image of Calvin's empty stare would be burned into her memory forever. She wanted to tell herself he might have been like that before, but she knew that'd just be a lie. Sunset took this man's son away from him, and it must've broken him.

"Shh, it's okay, everything will be okay," Merry said, stroking Sunset's hair. Sunset clenched her teeth hard. She thought she was done crying, but all the guilt and regret just pooled right back up when she had to say it.

"Why don't you hate me?" Sunset asked, confused as to why the mother of her victim was consoling her.

"Oh, honey, don't start that, just calm down for me, okay?"

Sunset tried her best, but she still had a few sobs in her. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Soloman's dad get up from the table. She closed her eyes tightly expecting the outburst. She felt like those cold, empty eyes would look up to judge her, to determine her fate for all her mistakes. Sunset felt like she deserved the death sentence, but no verdict was cast.

"I'll be back in a few hours," he said in a dry, uncaring tone before heading out the door.

She would rather have been yelled at, to get shoved around and insulted. This felt so much worse. She let out another sob after he left. It was all she could do anymore.

"Sweetie, please don't cry anymore," Merry said, lifting up Sunset's head with a gentle hand on her cheek. Mrs. Shade gave her a sweet smile. "I promise, it's okay. Please, sit down for a moment and breathe for me."

Sunset listened, sitting down in her chair like a scolded child. She shook her head. She's faced down Equestria's most horrible monsters, beat world-threatening magic across both world's but all the confidence she's built up after her defeat felt like it drained out all over the floor because of this. "How can you say that? I took your son away from you."

Merry put a comforting hand on Sunset's shoulder as Wallflower sat back down. "Sweetheart, you couldn't have known." Merry let out a sigh. "We were all shocked when he passed. I think we all blame ourselves in some way. I think the best thing we can do is to honor his memory and keep him in our hearts. I don't think he would've wanted us to be miserable all the time, do you?"

Sunset shook her head. Wanting her to be miserable instead was probably something he wished for a lot. "How can I make up for this?" she said, sitting up straight and trying to show some resolve.

"Sunset, you coming over here to apologize already means a lot. You don't have to--"

"Please!" Sunset blurted. "Just tell me what I can do to make it right. I'll do anything, just please... how do I make up for this?"

Merry Shade ran her hand through Sunset's hair. "Oh, dear. There's nothing we can do anymore."

Sunset jerked up out of her seat. "There's got to be something! Anything! I can't just... It's not..." Sunset had to close her eyes and turn away. She'd made amends with so many people, she was practically an expert. There had to be some words, some gifts, something to make this right. She scoured her minds for anything, but nothing ever seemed like it would be enough.

Merry put a hand on Sunset's shoulder again. "I'm not mad at you, dear. I think you're doing enough of that to yourself already. If it makes you feel better, you're welcome to come over any time to talk about it."

"How can that--"

"Sunset!" Wallflower cut in, making both of them jump. "Maybe we should go to the graveyard."

Merry smiled. "I think that's a wonderful idea. Would you like some flowers from the garden? The roses are really starting to come in."

"Please," Sunset said, her tone weak. "Just give me something to do to make up for this. Anything at all." 

Merry gave her a soft smile. "How about you take a few flowers to his grave for me? I think he would appreciate that."

Sunset let her gaze fall to the floor. She almosted wanted to yell. It wasn't enough. It would never be enough. There had to be something she could do, something she could give. Something she could trade, some behavior she could change for them.

"I'll clip some for you. Stay right here, and I'll get you some good ones, alright?" Merry said, adopting her cheery grin again.

Wallflower let out a sigh once his mom left the room. "Well, that probably could've gone better."

Sunset crossed her arms over her chest to hold herself. "Yeah... sorry..."

"It's alright. I don't think I was much better when I first found out." She took a quick bite out of a biscuit before looking back up to Sunset. "At least you got it out of the way, right?"

Sunset slumped back down into her chair with a heavy sigh. "This doesn't get any easier, does it?"

"No..." Wallflower said with a slow, sad shake of her head. "You just get better at living with it."