//------------------------------// // Side Story - Hearts And Hooves (Non-Canon) // Story: Begone, Horse! // by Snek Eyes //------------------------------// "Roses?" While looking through the rubble, Anon came across a peculiar surprise. "Roses." Indeed, they were roses. But not just any roses. "Never mind that, Narrator. Who the hell would leave roses in front of a pile of rubbish?" Hell if I know. I just woke up. Now shut up, and I might answer your question. "Please. I'm confused." I'm writing you that way, so of course you are. Play along. "Fine... But the roses are alive. Like, freshly harvested." Indeed- "I'm not looking for a job, so please stop saying indeed!" ...Puns are my thing, you asshole. You know what? You did this to yourself. Anon.aware4thWall(false); And compiled. Ok. Anyways, there were some ponies who knew things about flowers in Ponyville. Maybe they could lend a hoof? "I could have sworn I was talking to someone else. Or something else. " *** "Excuse me, I'm looking for Rose." Anon had the roses on his back, the thorns digging deep. Only an inch or so deep, but IT HURT! He was talking to a random pony with a keg of apple cider next to her. "I'm sorry *HIC*" The fire in his eyes appeared. "You just call me a hick? Do you WANT to die?!" "Wha? I'm just drunk. I didn't call anypony a hick." "But the onomatopoeia..." "The unomanot... ???" Anon facehoofed. "Anyways, Rose. I'm looking for the Flower Ponies." "Rose? You have them on your back. Just move them into your arms, and they're all yours..." Berry Punch hugged her keg with much affection, such love, that Anon facegrounded. Who was stealing my jokes? Wait, his jokes. But Berry Punch would be of no help in her drunken state. Anon walked away, and almost into another pony. "Very sorry. Hey, I'm looking for Rose." "Yes, I'm Rose." Said pony had a tan coat, striped mane with pink and red, green eyes, and a you-know-it on her you-know-what. "Beautiful." "Thanks." "So, would you know anypony who bought these painful roses on my back recently?" "HM..." Rose stepped to his side to look at the petals closer. "6 flowers, pink-red, hm... I think Fluttershy bought these earlier. A few days ago." "Awesome." "I know I am." "Stop. Can you tell me where Fluttershy is?" "I'm not too sure, but if you're willing to be Jack, I'll be your Rose." And the universe exploded. Just kidding. It was an aneurysm from stupidity. "...Why? Just. EH?!" So Anon was broken for a bit, and he did the only thing he could think of. He walked to a building, right up to the door, and banged his head on the wood. *BANG* "I'm done hearing about the church. LEAVE!" Hold up. That soprano voice? The smell of sweets? No... "Pinkie?" Anon called out with immense trepidation. "Wait." The door was still Anon's resting spot, so when he heard the knob turn and the door hinge creak, the only logical thing happened. "Oh HI Anon! Wait, why are you falling, you're falling right onto me, OH MY CELESTIA!" After the typical falling and stuff, Anon started to get up. Pinkie was right below him, with evil smiles and evil, devious eyebrows. "I didn't know you would FALL for me..." "Do you want your damn muzzle broken again?!" "NO! Please no!" "Hey, Pinks, you still..." A raspy voice filled the room, and no one else sounded like that except... "RAINBOW!" "It's cool, just let me know when you're done." Then thunder filled the air. But there wasn't a cloud in the sky. "Was that a Sonic Rainboom?" "Yeah, she tends to do that." "OK. Anyhow, I need help finding where Fluttershy lives." "Why? Do you want to return the roses she got for you?! THAT'S MEAN!" He stopped. Everything stopped. "Pinkie, shut up. You mean to tell me Fluttershy gave me roses?" "Well, YEAH! That's what happens on days like this one!" "Like what one?" "Do YOU SERIOUSLY NOT KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?!" "Um, yesterday was Wednesday, so Thursday?" *FACEHOOF* "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE! LEAVE THIS PLACE!" Before anyone knew it, Pinkie had pushed Anon outside, and locked the door with a few deadlocks. "What? Eh, Twilight can hopefully help me out." *** "How can the Great and Powerful Trixie and her assistant, the Weak and Meek Twilight, help you?" A blue unicorn answered the door. Tailing her was Twilight. "What do you want, Anon?!" A purple beam shot right past his face. "HEY! What's with the hostility? I just need directions to Fluttershy's place!" "Oh, to give her those roses on your back? Look at you, Mr. Sexy." Twilight levitated Trixie out of the way, where Starlight discreetly grabbed and ran off with her. They were both smiling deviously. "So, Mr. Great with the Mares... WHERE ARE MY ROSES?!" "Um... Nonexistent." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpj6Nuc1SI4 "Why couldn't you be nicer to me? What have I ever done to you, ANON?!" Enter the deadpan stare that could only rival Maud's own. "You really want to go there, Princess?" "Well, I want to go to the bedroom. There, you can treat me like what I am." "No." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNz7I7gKSjA Twilight's aura started tugging slightly on Anon. "Anon, please, come with me." "No." She started tugging a little bit harder. "Anon, please, come on me." "Ew." She was pulling with all of her might. "Anon, please, please, PLEASE!" "Isn't Starlight your lover?" The aura disappeared, and Twilight got on her knees, pulling at Anon with her hooves. "I NEED SOMETHING MORE! SOMETHING FILLING! PLEASE!" "WHAT?!" That got the attention to focus on... Starlight. And boy, her horn was a-glowing. "I come down to get candles, and I HEAR YOU SAY THAT. REALLY?!" "Starlight!" But to be anti-climatic, she merely teleported with a few candles. Sad. "Thanks for ruining my relationship with my lover, Anon..." "SERIOUSLY!" "I just need some alone time..." "Bye!" Anon ran off, not really knowing where to go, but just getting away from this train wreck. *** "Howdy, partner. What brings you here?" "I need directions to where Fluttershy lives." "Well, that's easy. Ya come over to this here bridge with this old stallion here." "WHAT! IS YOUR NAME?" "Applejack." "WHAT! IS YOUR QUEST?" "To help Anon." "WHAT! IS THE CAPITAL OF EQUESTRIA?" Applejack began to breathe in, but stopped. "I DON'T KNOW THAT!" She flew up in the air, screaming as she was heading straight into the apple orchard somewhere. "WHAT! IS YOUR NAME?" "Anonymous." "WHAT! IS YOUR QUEST?" "To find answers." "WHAT! IS THE QUESTION APPLEJACK FAILED TO ANSWER?" "'What is the capital of Equestria?'." "That's right, 500 points to you. Now, next category in Double Jeopardy." "I'll take 'My Past is not Today' for 1,000." "Big bucks. (Heh) Okay, here is the clue. 'This episode displays Twilight at her worst and most dangerous. We never talk about it anymore.'" "What is 'Lesson Zero'?" "Right you are. Cross this bridge, and you shall find Fluttershy's place." "Righteous." *** The travel was getting to be long and boring. To pass some time, Anon hummed a song. "Life is a runway when you see it my way... OH SHIT!" Having been distracted, he failed to see a broken board and fell right through. "AHHHHHHHH..." *BOOM* *SHATTER* "Ow..." "Who goes there?!" Oh no. That proper accent. No. "Anon! It's been a while! How have you been?" "On hiatus. How have you been, Rarity?" "Wonderful. Business is great as usual." One didn't have to be an Applejack to know the smile was fake. Also, her mascara was running from her eyes, so it was obvious that she was not fine. "What's up, Rarity? You were crying." 'Were' became 'are', as Rarity started bawling right there on the spot. Her fainting couch appeared, and she climbed onto it, then continued crying. There was also ice cream. "I have nopony for today!" "Why do you have nopony?" "I have no idea. I should have stallions lined up for me! Oh?" Again, like how Applejack's hat barely leaves her head, Anon's roses were still stuck in his back. That happened on the bridge, don't worry. "Are those for me, Anon? OH, YOU'RE SO SWEET!" Rarity teleported Anon to the couch, and glomped him. "Sweeter than that ice cream?" "Stay in the moment, Anon!" The moment turned from a few seconds, to fifteen, to thirty... "Rarity? Are you going to let go?" "I've been thinking... You seem really nice, and I need someone for today... Could we... work something out?" "No." "BUT WHY?!" "You're using me." "BUT I NEEDS IT!" "And I need directions to Fluttershy's place, so if you can help me out, I'd owe you one." "Fluttershy? You want to give HER roses, and NOT ME?!" "There's more to it than that." "I don't CARE! Right there on the horizon, that small cottage. Go there, and LEAVE ME ALONE TO WALLOW! Have fun with Fluttershy!" "Thanks. Bye." The sobbing intensified as he left. It was still audible when he left Ponyville. Poor marshmallow. *** *KNOCK KNOCK* "Oh, hi Anon. What brings you here today?" Fluttershy opened the door with a smile, then shock took her. "Um... Roses?" "Yes." Anon nodded, and held them in front of him. "I heard you gave me these, and I was confused as to why." "Do you not know what today is?" "Thursday." "Oh dear." Fluttershy opened the door all the way. "Come in." "Thank you." "Sit on the couch." One tush sat down, followed closely by another. "So what, Fluttershy?" "Today is Hearts and Hooves Day." "It is?" "Yes. Anon, did you really not take not of it on a calender or something?" "Your damn rabbit brought my entire house down to rubble, so no. I don't have a calender right now." "Why does he do that?" "But I want to know why you got me roses." The blushing began. Fluttershy became nervous. "Um... I really like you." "Yeah?" "MM-hmm." "You're lying." "No, I'm not!" "So what do you like about me?" "You're funny, kind, and... um... other things." "See? So, why are you lying? What's the truth?" "Hey, Shy? Where are the roses I-" Again, an uninvited intruder came in, none other than the Dash herself. "...So you're giving her my roses?" Fluttershy's blushing intensified. Anon remained silent, going from Fluttershy, to Dash. Fluttershy to Dash. Speaking of Dash, she took off. Anon got off of the couch, a bit stunned. "I'm going for a walk." Anon announced. *** And Anon walked right back to his pile of rubble, where the roses were beforehand. He was mentally working. "Dash got me roses. The mad lad did it. Hm... So, what now?" "Buy our finest wine here!" Anon's attention snapped from inside to outside as he saw a merchant walking past. "Do you take trade-ins?!"