//------------------------------//
// To Be Selfish or Not 
// Story: The BSBFFs and LBBFF 
// by ThePinkedWonder 
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Hey, Eric "Buggie" Reed here.

Well, doing the eighteen years I've been alive, I've had some hard days. In both my old human world and in Equestria, once I got stuck here, though I'm fully at home in Equestria now. Some days were really hard. But this, this was one of the hardest, and simply worst, days of my life, in either world.

And what made it even worse: I found it out on Twilight Sparkle's birthday. I wanted so badly to go to her, one of my two Equestrian big sisters, tell her what happened, cry while she hugs and tells me it's all right, with my other Equestrian big sister, Starlight Glimmer, with us. This was one of the times I needed it, and them, the most. But, I didn't want to risk ruining Twilight's special day for her if I didn't need to, so I decided to wait till the next day to tell her. 

There was at least some good news at this moment: Starlight was with me when I found out. Since I didn't have to worry about trying to hide it from her too (even though I wouldn't have tried to) she was able to start doing her best to comfort me right away, so it was more bearable. 

I got back to the castle with Starlight, staring at the front doors of it. My eyes and cheeks were still watery from the crying I did earlier, and I was still sniffing a little bit. It was fitting that this happened on a day it was raining, and it had rained for the last two days. But the water from those water-filled clouds wasn't touching me, since I was protected from it by a magical light-blue shield that Starlight had just over our heads. She also had a foreleg wrapped around me. 

My big sister knew I was in bad shape, and as much as she was trying to comfort me herself, she and I both knew I needed both her and Twilight. Thus, Starie really wanted me to go to and tell Twilight, but I couldn't bear to do it, and risk it ruining her birthday.

"You sure, Buggie? I rarely see you this sad, so you really need to go to Twilight." Starlight was looking at me with one of the most sympathetic faces I'd ever seen on her, or almost anypony, with a big frown, and had what were almost like puppy-dog eyes that were a bit watery themselves.

I put a finger on a chin, and tilted my head down for a couple of seconds to think about it. Shaking my head, I lifted my head, looked back in Starlight's eyes and sighed, "I know, Starie. But if I do, she'll just be worried about me and would make her feel sad, and this is her birthday. I don't want that, and telling her now wouldn't do her, or even me, any good, so I'll wait till tomorrow to let her know. I'll just have to hide my sadness from her for today."

"But still, you need her right now. Come on, please, just let me take you to Twilight, Buggie. She loves you, and would want you to go to her now."

"I hear you, I do. But...can we just drop it? Please, Starie?" I covered my eyes with a hand, tilted my head back down. I added, voice breaking, "I feel bad enough as it is, and you're...*sniff*...just making me feel even worse right now."

Already with a foreleg around me, Starlight wrapped her other one around me in a hug, and I wrapped my arms around her, with tears from my eyes flowing, and she softly replied, "I am so sorry I did that. Okay, if you really want to, I'll drop it, okay, Buggie? I'm sorry, little bro."

I lifted my head back up, and wiped my eyes. "*sniff* Thanks, and it's okay. I know you're just trying to help, big sis. And don't worry, the very first thing I'll do tomorrow is tell Twilight, all right?"

"Okay, but don't worry about me right now, just focus on yourself. Is there anything more I can do to help? Ask me anything, and if I'm able to do it, I will."

We released our hugs, and I took a semi-deep breath. I had a couple of things I wished I could have asked her. But even for a Unicorn as powerful as Starlight, they were things that even she couldn't do, as even her magical abilities had limits. I just had to make due with something else I knew she's strong enough to do. I asked, "Hmm. Okay, I know what you can do, if you don't mind?"

"I won't mind, I promise. What is it?"

"Can you use your magic to dry the tears on my face? If I go in as I am, anypony that looks at my face will know something's wrong, even if they're not Twilight."

"Sure, just stand still. Make sure to keep your eyes open, so I can dry the tears in them too."

As she asked, I stayed still, so she could do a spell. Starlight's horn, which was already glowing light-blue because she had a barrier over us, glowed even brighter, and she fired a beam of magic at my face, though there was no feeling of an impact from it. I felt the tears on my face and the corners of my eyes vanish in about a second after it hit. On the outside, at least, I was good as new.

"Okay, that should do it. Since you won't tell Twilight for now, I can at least do that again if you can't hold back more tears later. So if it happens, come find me, okay, Buggie?"

"Thanks, Starie. I will if I need you to. let's go in the castle now."

"All right. Everypony in there is probably almost ready, so just try your best to enjoy it."

"I will, I promise."

With Starlight placing a hoof on my shoulder, we both slowly walked in the castle. But right before we went through the doors, she moved her hoof from me, so it wouldn't look like something was wrong. Even if it was. We headed to the room where we were having the party. It was in the most fitting room for a party for Twilight Sparkle: the library part of the castle. Where else?

The birthday girl/filly herself was still out and about, which we wanted: this was going to be a surprise party. Twilight, ever modest, wouldn't want too big a birthday party, so unless we made it a surprise, she'd said not to do it. Starlight and I were going to be the ones to go back out and bring Twilight to the castle, but that was before I found out that happened. Now, to avoid Twilight seeing me look sad, Starlight suggested that I stay there at the party, try to enjoy myself, while she goes alone to bring Twilight back.

We, well Pinkie, since she was in charge of the party, had blue, green, pink, purple, and some other colors of balloons on the walls, and had two or three tied to each of the tables, that themselves had white sheets on them, that was spread all around the room, and most of the tables had anywhere from two to four chairs each. Each chair had a plate, cup, and two different forks and spoons on the part of the table in front of it. There were already some ponies in the chairs, talking about one thing or another. Thorax was there at the party too, standing by one of the tables on the other side of the room from me, talking to Spike about something, but I wasn't close enough to make it out.

I thought about telling Spike too, but he's bad at keeping secrets, and would tip-off that something's wrong to Twilight without even trying to. So I'd thought I'll wait till the next day to tell him too. I also thought of telling the others, but even though I thought they could keep the secret, even Pinkie if I made her Pinkie Promise to keep it. However, I didn't think Twi would have liked it if I told her last, even for the reasons I had to do it, so only Starlight currently knew about it.

As I walked around, I took some semi-deep breaths, trying to soak in the happy atmosphere to cheer myself up. It was working, since it became much easier to smile, and not have to be (too) fake a smile, though I did make the mistake of looking down for a few seconds. Rarity and Rainbow Dash spotted it, could tell something might had been up, and they walked over to me. I raised my head to them, put on a brave face and smile, and hoped I wouldn't do something to tip-off that I was in bad shape.

"Hey, Rainbow, Rarity, this looks like it's gonna be a fun party, huh?"

"Yes, it is, Pinkie's going all-out for it. But, are you all right, darling?"

"Yeah, you looked like something was on your mind. Is something up?"

I shook my head. "Nah, It's nothing like that. I was just trying to remember where I put Twilight's birthday present."

"Oh. Well, you know where it was last?"

"And for that matter, what did you get our birthday egghead?"

Just then, Twilight's parents, along with Princess Cadance, Shining Armor, and Flurry Heart on Cadance's head come through the door. I took special notice of one of them, who I stared at a bit from where I was for a few seconds, without moving, and without really knowing I was doing it. Who I was staring at made me think about it, and the tears were close to flowing.

But I had one, well, two problems with letting the tears flow then and there: Rarity and Rainbow were still there staring at me. Luckily, I had the perfect excuse to get away from them. I gave my cheek a little slap to snap myself out of my little trance, and told Rainbow, "Well, what else would I get that 'egghead', Rainbow: a book. And unlike Spike, she'll love a book as a gift! And, I think it might be in my room, so let me go let it."

"Ok, you do--"

Before Rainbow could finish, I turned and ran off toward the direction of my room, fighting with everything I had to not start crying. I really did get Twilight a book, called, "The Life of Starswirl the Bearded" and it was still in my room, so I didn't lie about that part. Once there, I dove face-down on my bed and pillow, and let the tears flow for about three minutes, wetting a bit of the pillow with my tears. Once I got done; at least for the time being; I wiped my eyes with some tissues I just happened to have already had on a drawer in my room, and did my best to dry my eyes and face on my own, since Starlight wasn't back yet to do it again with her magic.

After that, I had my head down a bit as I walked back to our party room, carrying Twilight's gift I had wrapped up, and re-joined the party. And just in time.

As soon as I got back in the room, everyone at the party was all gathered together, and Applejack waved her hoof to me, in a "come here" motion. "Hey, Eric! Twilight's about to come in, so hurry up and get over here!" 

I sped over to them, and stood in the crowd, with Applejack and Rarity being the closest to me, and as Twilight and Starlight walked in, we all yelled "SURPRISE!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TWILIGHT!!"

We might had done it a bit too loud, since it made Twilight jump back a bit and made her look around, with widened eyes, for a second. Once it sunk in what was going on, she relaxed, grinned and bashfully told us, "Oh, guys! You didn't have to do all this for me!"

Starlight grinned wider than she already was, and patted Twilight's back. "Well, too bad, Twilight, because we did anyway!"

"And you couldn't have stopped me from throwing this party if you tried, Twilight!" Pinkie added, as she hopped over, threw a purple party hat out of her mane onto Twilight's head, and Twi rolled her eyes up a bit, like she was trying to see what the hat on her head looked like.

As Starlight walked Twilight over to the biggest table to a chair we had saved just for her, and where her birthday cake was going to be, Twilight spotted me still standing in the group of guests that were still huddled together, and called me over to her. I wanted to wait till we sang her 'Happy Birthday" to give the present I got her, so I left it on a table that was right beside me, then I ran over to her.

"What's up, Twi?"

"I just wanted to ask if you could be right beside Spike and me when I blow out the candles. Is that okay?"

"Sure, Twi, I'll love to."

Twilight's smile widened. "Thanks, little bro."

I stood right beside Twilight, with Spike standing on her other side, as she sat in her chair. Applejack, Pinkie, Rarity, Rainbow, Fluttershy, and the rest of Twilight's family (save for Flurry Heart, who stayed on Cadance's head) all got in chairs we had at the table. Starlight floated with her magic Twilight's birthday cake, with pink icing, already with lit candles, and sat it in front of her. As Starlight was doing it, we all sung "happy birthday" to the birthday filly. Afterward, she took a deep breath and blew out the candles. Somehow, I was able to keep up my brave face. Probably because I saw Twilight happy and smiling beside me, which I wanted her to do on her birthday. Guess I have not just some Twilight and Starlight in me, but also a bit of Pinkie Pie as well.

Afterward, I walked over to where I left her present, put the hand I had it in behind my back, and ran back. By the time I got back, she'd just got out of her chair and was standing.

With a more genuine smile, I pulled my hand from behind me, to show Twilight the gift I was hiding. "Happy birthday, big sis!"

Twi grinned, rubbed her head bashfully. "Oh, you really didn't have to get me anything, Buggie! But thank you!"

"Ha, well, like this party, you got it anyway! And you're welcome!"

Twilight used her magic to pull her wrapped book from my hand, carefully removed the wrapping paper I had over it, and she smiled even bigger when she saw it. She had her eye on that "The Life of Starswirl the Bearded" book for the last month, so before she could finally get it herself, I beat her to the punch and got it for her three days ago.

"Oh, this is 'The Life of Starswirl the Bearded' that I wanted for weeks! I can't believe you remembered! Thank you, Buggie!" Twilight stepped right to me and wrapped her forelegs around me. I wrapped my arms around her, and closed my eyes. But when she let me go, I kept my arms wrapped around her. I didn't want to let my big sister go from that hug yet, and was almost in something of a trance.

Chucking a bit and confused, she said, "Okay...what's with the long hug, Buggie? You can let me go now."

That snapped me out of it. I flew open my eyes and quickly unwrapped my arms around her, backed up a couple of steps with a big 'ol embarrassed grin, with my face probably turning red. "Oh, uh, that was your second present: an extra-long hug! You didn't mind it, did you, Twi?"

"Oh, no, it's not that. I never mind your hugs, Buggie. I just thought it was odd, since you never hug me that long, unless something serious happened."

"Well, that was why it was a 'gift', Twi."

Twilight chucked, buying that little lie. "Ha, point taken."

Twilight's parents and family came to us, as they talked to Twilight about some things like how much she's grown. As they talked, and especially each time I heard a certain one of them talk, it came harder to keep the tears from flowing, and I clenched my fists as I tried to do it.

But before I could think of an excuse to get away, I suddenly felt myself get pulled backward by magic, in a direction away from Twilight, so she didn't see it happening. It dragged me by some tables, with some ponies rubbing their heads or raising eyebrows, seeing me being dragged through the air from the room like that. I could barely move at all, meaning that whoever doing it was either an Alicorn, or a very powerful Unicorn.

And when I tilted my head down slightly -- at about the limits of how much as I could move in the grip of the magic -- at one of my arms, I noticed the magic around me was light-blue. Even if I could've done it, I wouldn't have needed to look behind me: I knew who it was. I sighed and mentally prepared myself, as the magic pulled me out of the room, through the hallways of the castle, and finally through Starlight's open bedroom door.

Once in Starlight's room, the door to it was closed with magic, and I found myself face to face with Starlight again. The frown and eyes on her face just screamed a mix of both great concern and frustration, as she placed a hoof on my shoulder. "Eric, seriously, you have to tell Twilight now, I mean it!"

I sighed deeply. "You saw me hug her just now, didn't you?"

"Yep, and I know it wasn't another gift to her like you said it was. Look, I know I said I'll drop it, and I really don't want to make you feel worse, but I can't let you torture yourself like this."

"But..." I slowly turned my head away from hers. I knew Starlight was right, but I just didn't want to admit it.

With her hoof still on my shoulder, Starlight moved it up to my face, she put another hoof on the other side of my face, used them to turn my head to her face again, and kept them there to make sure I couldn't turn away again. This is something she very rarely does, and if she does, it means whatever she says next, she's serious about it, and I better listen to her. Starlight doesn't act like a type of big sister that thinks she always knows what's best for me all the time or something, and she usually won't try to boss me around, and is even careful about doing it. This is why her forcing me to look her in her eyes, like she is here, is so rare.

"Buggie, listen to me. I know you really don't want to ruin Twilight's birthday, and I get it. I'm Starlight Glimmer, remember? But don't you remember how bad Twilight was hurt the last time you hid something big from her? Sure she wouldn't get carried away again, but she's still gonna be hurt, if she sees you're this upset, that you needed her this bad, but you didn't go to her. You promised you'll never hurt her again, right? Why are you trying so hard to not go to her? Is there another reason?"

I don't know how Starlight does it, but when I'm truly upset like this, she seems to almost always know what to say to reach and get me to drop my defenses. It's an even bigger deal since, despite how nice she is, and how much she truly cares for her friends, perhaps because her reformation still isn't "complete", Starlight can have a surprisingly hard time with empathy, and there have been times when it showed and it bit her in the flank. And yet, when it comes to me, forget not struggling with it: she's almost like the Element of Empathy or something. Even if someone else is better suited for something like that...

Looking her in the eyes, with her hooves still on the sides of my face, I decided to fess up on why I was being so stubborn. I also felt a bit worse, because I should've done it already anyway. I even decided to call Starlight by her full name, which I hardly ever do when I address her personally. When I do, it's usually when I'm either really mad at her -- which I wasn't here -- or when it's a time I want to make it clear I know she's Starlight Glimmer. This was one of those times.

I took a deep breath. "Okay, Starlight Glimmer. It's just...I don't want to be selfish again. And especially not to any of my big sisters, again."

As her ears drooped down, the frustration in Starlight's eyes and frown seemed to vanish, and confusion took its place, but the concern didn't go anywhere. "Selfish? I don't get it, because since we met, you've been anything but selfish to Twilight, me, or for that matter anyone, Buggie. Why do you think you've been selfish? Sure, you lied the first few weeks you knew us, but even then, it wasn't because you were selfish, just scared."

"Sure, maybe I'm not selfish now. But till a few years ago, I acted more selfish than I should've been. I didn't like to share very often. There were even a few times I lied just to be able to keep something I really liked longer. It wasn't till I lost my sister Erica's favorite hat because of my selfishness when I finally stopped. How bad she cried, how awful it felt, was when I finally realized that I had to cut it out. It really hurt seeing my sister like that, Starie, and ever since then I tried to not go back to being selfish again."

Starlight moved her hooves off my face. "Well, I know how it's like to not be proud of things you did in the past, and I'm sure you know what they were. But still, you know Twilight won't judge you for being selfish sometimes. Especially not now, because of what happened, and I sure won't. Twilight won't be mad about you telling her this on her birthday, if that's what you're worried about."

"I don't think she would either. But...it's just that she's been stressed a lot the past week with princess stuff, and she's finally able to relax and enjoy herself. If I ruin it, and on her birthday no less, it would feel like when I made Erica cry...and...*sniff...I don't want to do something like that to a sister again, Starlight. It's not that I don't trust you or Twilight...but...*sniff*..it's just...*sniff* I..."

I couldn't say anymore, and I just broke down crying again, making Starlight's eyes widen out of pure sympathy. I went to my knees, and she immediately sat down on the floor, wrapped her forelegs around me to pull me to her, with my head in her chest. Because of how ponies sit and I was on my knees, that's where my head came to, even though we're the same height when I'm standing, when I'm my normal height. Starie's grip on me here was tighter than she's ever used before, making me feel safer than I usually did whenever she gave me hugs. I in turn wrapped my arms around her and held on to her just as tightly, if not even tighter. I'd never wanted to keep holding on to that Unicorn more than I did in that moment.

In a really gentle voice that I'd only heard from her one other time, that slowly broke as she went on, Starlight told me, "It's all right, I'm here, Buggie. Just let it out. I'm sorry I tried to press you again, I am. It's just that you're so sad, and I want to make you feel better, but...I just...*sniff...don't know what else I can do by myself. I'm...*sniff*...so sorry."

Now Starlight poured on the waterworks and wept, which made me cry a bit harder because I just made her cry now too. But at that point, it was too late. All I could do to make it up to her was to just let it all out, just like she said. She still wanted me to go to Twilight because I needed her too, but after hearing why I couldn't bring myself to do it, she wasn't going to try to push me to go anymore. 

I wouldn't be surprised if Starlight gave serious thoughts about using spells to help calm me down. But if so, she turned down those thoughts, as she learned her lesson on trying something like that. The last time she did spells of that nature, it turned into a mind control-like spell, and it ended in a figurative and literal wash-out, so my sister wouldn't have risked doing that to me.

Starie calmed down a bit after about fifteen seconds or so and stopped weeping. She then just focused on saying something to comfort me or nuzzle me on the top of my head (she only nuzzles me when I'm really upset) to further try to do it, as I myself kept on crying. I expected her to had released her hug by this point, making me need to beg her to keep hugging me, but she still had her forelegs wrapped around me, holding me to her as tight as ever. I felt some warmness bubble in me, realizing that my big sister wasn't going to let me go, till I let her go first. It wasn't till about another minute when I finally calmed down enough to unwrap my arms around her, and she, slowly, unwrapped her forelegs off me, and we both stood up at the same time.

Still sniffing a little, I was about to tell Starlight that I'd do what she was saying to do before, and just go and tell Twilight then and there. By trying to not be selfish to Twilight, by pure irony, without even meaning to, I ended up being selfish to Starlight, because of the pressure of me not going to Twi was putting Starie under, and it felt awful. So much for not being selfish to a sister. I slightly tilted my head down, lightly gritted my teeth and formed a fist in a hand, out of frustration to myself. It felt like I just couldn't get anything right, no matter what I did. 

But, before I spoke, Starlight had already formed another idea in that head of hers, wiped her eyes, and just comfortably told me, "I'll get you to your room, and you just stay there for now. In a little while I'll check on you, okay?"

That'd been a way to not only keep from having to tell Twilight what happened for now, but also not put so much pressure on Starlight. Thinking about that, I felt a little better. I relaxed my teeth and fists, wiped my eyes, lifted my head back up, put on a little smile -- a real one -- and nodded. "Okay, Starie. I think I need to be there for now too."

"And I think the counterspell's to the magic from that Nightmare Prevention Spell that's still in you is going to wear off soon. Do you want me to recast it now so you don't shrink?"

I rolled my eyes upwards for a few seconds to think about it, then turned them back to Starlight. "No, it's okay. After all this crying, I think I'll take a nap. If I do, at least it'll be no chance that I'd have a nightmare about what happened, if I fall asleep after shrinking."

"All right, whatever you need," Starlight gently placed a hoof on my shoulder yet again. "You ready for me to teleport you?"

I nodded my head. "I'm ready." Starlight's horn glowed, and the next thing I knew, we were standing in my room, just in front of my slightly open bedroom door. 

I could hear the rain hitting the closed window of my room, as I was taking a step toward my bed, which was about maybe eight feet in front of me. But after that step, I glowed. My room, as well as Starlight, suddenly became bigger and bigger. I was shrinking, since the counterspell was wearing off. Once I was about half my normal height, and still shrinking, I felt myself lifted weightlessly in the air by magic.

After I was in my four-inch tall form, I turned my head to see a now "giant" Starlight, holding me up with magic at about the height of her eyes. With an even friendlier than usual smile, and now in her "Big sister" mode, she slowly moved me through the air with her levitation, without herself moving, and did something she's never done before: she gently laid me in my bed -- the little bed for when I'm this small -- and used her magic to cover me up with the sheet it had. Maybe she was trying to tap into her inner mother for me. At this point, because I trust Starlight so much now, it feels almost hard to believe that for the first three weeks I knew her, even though she was friendly, I still felt a little intimidated by her at that size, when now I actually feel safer when I see her look that big. Same goes for how I feel about Twilight.

"All right, I'm gonna head back to the party, Buggie. Just try to rest, okay?"

"I will, and thanks, Starie."

Starlight nodded her head, took a few soft steps backward, closed the door slowly to my room with magic, and went off somewhere. I lay in my bed on my side, with the pillow over my head, crying a little bit, quietly, and before I knew it, I was out cold.



Maybe about four hours later -- I must've been more tired than I thought -- I woke up, still laying on my side, but with the pillow that was over my head now on the floor. It must've rolled off my head while I was sleep. I rubbed my still-wet eyes and muttered to myself that maybe I should've had Starlight recast the counterspell, since I now needed to wait for either Twilight or Starlight to come to my room to cast it. Even now, I still didn't feel comfortable being on the floor when I'm in my four-inches tall form. Even though everypony that came in my room knew to always look down, just in case, so I wouldn't get accidentally stepped on and crushed by a giant hoof. But after I got done muttering, I heard a voice come from behind me.

"It's about time you woke up, Buggie."

I spun around fast, at first thinking it was Starlight lying there. But it was instead my other Equestrian big sister, Twilight Sparkle. She was lying on her stomach beside my bed, facing my direction, and she seemed to have been there for a while, watching over me. Because she was a "giant" from my point-of-view, since I was so small, I could see her eyes in more detail than I normally could. 

Though, I wouldn't need the extra level of detail to tell they were watery, and add that to the huge frown on her lips, it made my heart sink, and I frowned myself. But not out of fear, but guilt. I immediately knew why she was there. I facepalmed, turned my head down, and sighed, "Starlight told you, didn't she?"

Twilight shook her head, which I could barely notice, since my head was tilted downwards. "No, she didn't tell me what it was, because she wanted you to be the one to tell me. But she told me everything else. But please, don't be mad at her. She just didn't know how else to help you, and she only did it because she cares about you so much."

I looked back up to Twilight's face. "Don't worry, Twi, I'm not mad at her. I'd probably did the same thing, to be honest."

"But since we're being honest, since you were thinking about me and my birthday so much, I have another birthday wish. And I think you can grant it. Do you want to hear it?"

That question threw me completely off-guard. I gave a gasp, then answered, "Okay, what is it, Twi?"

Twilight frowned a bit bigger and her eyes become even more watery, but not quite enough for tears to come out, but she was probably fighting them. It was almost like she was worried that I'd feel that she's pressuring me to say something I might not have wanted to say. She saw the shape I was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make me feel worse. But, she just needed to ask, "Can you tell me what happened, so I can comfort my little brother that needs me more than ever?"

Since Twi asked me in that way, I didn't feel that I needed to hesitate anymore to finally tell her, since I badly wanted to anyway. Though I still leaned my head down again, gritted my teeth, and clenched my fists. Despite not truly hesitating to tell her now, it was still hard to actually say it, just because the emotions from it flooded back. I had to collect myself. I took a deep breath, lifted my head back up, and looked at Twilight in the eyes.

"Okay, big sis. Earlier, when I went with Starlight and she used the spell you two learned to let me talk to my family in my old world, I called out to my mom. But, she didn't answer when I called out to her. I didn't know why she didn't say anything, so after about five tries, I tried calling out to one of my sisters there, Jenny,..and...*sniff*...she said..."

The tears poured out yet again and I covered my eyes, as I wept. For the moment, I couldn't say more. Twilight might have been able to guess what I was struggling to say, but she didn't try to say it for me. She instead stayed quiet, but picked me up with her magic, brought me to her chest, and wrapped a foreleg around me. My big sister just wanted me to know she was there.

Now in one of her forelegs in a hug, which I needed so bad, I felt a bit better at the moment. It at least let me stop weeping, and was able to finish what I was trying to say. 

,"...Jenny said that my mom got really sick during this last week, and she passed away two days ago. She's gone, Twi, and I never even knew she was dying. I can't even go there to see my two sisters there and dad to hug them, and I want to so much, Twilight. But I know that no one, not even you or Starlight, can do it, but...*sniff...I...I wish I could hear...*sniff*...my mom's voice one...*sniff*...one more time..." With that, I again broke down and wept yet again, the hardest I've done yet, burying my face in the hair on Twilight's chest, and spread my arms out to hug her as best I could, with my small size.

As I stayed still and cried, in the softest voice I've ever heard from Twilight Sparkle,  and one you'd expect that a princess could do, she said, "Oh, so that's why you seemed to freeze or grimace when my mom said something earlier: she was reminding you of your mom in your old world. I didn't think it meant anything, but now I know why. I wish there were some way I could get you back to your old world, or let you hear your mom's voice again, because you know I would, right? If it would help, and the spell to do it still works, I would even take you back in time, just be really careful once we were in the past, so nothing like what happened when Starlight took Spike and me through time happened. But even if I did, the spell to let you talk to her wouldn't work. I'm so, so sorry, Buggie."

I broke through my weeping, as I had something else I wanted to make clear. "Twi? Starlight told you why I didn't come to you sooner, right? It wasn't that I didn't trust you, I promise it wasn't. I just couldn't bear feeling like I was feeling selfish to a sister again...*sniff*...It hurt so much when I did that to Erica. Please don't be mad about me waiting, and I hope I didn't...*sniff*...hurt you, Twi, by not telling you right away, and broke my promise to not hurt you again...I'm...*sniff*...sorry."

Twilight's hug tightened, but slightly. "It's all right, Buggie. You didn't break your promise, because I'm not hurt by it. And I'm not at all mad, other than maybe at myself for not seeing how something seemed to be wrong sooner, but that's not your fault, okay? Starlight told me about why you didn't, and I'm still like that myself to Princess Celestia, so I truly understand. You're just like me when it comes to that. But, the next time you need me for any reason, please come to me. I don't care what it is, when it happens, or what I'm doing at the time, come to me. And try not to feel like you're being selfish; I'd feel worse if I knew my little brother needed me, and I wasn't there for you. Will you promise me you'll come to me anytime you need me, or just want to, if not for yourself, for me?"

"I will, I promise. And thank you, big sis, I love you."

"Thanks, and I love you too, little bro. Now, is there anything you can think of that I can do for you right now? As an Alicorn and a princess, I can do a lot, even if I can't get you back there to your old world, or bring your mom back. But, is there something else you can think of that I can do? Would you like to be with my mom for a while, or should I say our mom, if you want to think of her as your Equestrian mom? She likes you, so I sure she wouldn't mind it."

I closed my eyes, and thought about what she just asked. Since Twilight couldn't send me back to my old world so I could visit my sisters and dad there, or bring my mom back, or let me hear her voice again, there was only one other thing I could think of that I wanted at that moment. Then I changed my mind. There were two things I wanted, and wanted nearby. I slowly opened back up my eyes, and looked back up at Twilight's eyes, whose's face was still looking directly down at me. "Yes. There is something I want right now."

"Really? What is it, Eric?"

"It's Starie, and Spike. Could you get them, Twi?"

Turns out, I didn't have to ask at all. I heard a voice came from behind Twilight say, "Twilight doesn't have to get me: I'm already here, Buggie." 

Yep, Starlight Glimmer was there the whole time, but just stayed hidden and quiet, so I didn't know she was already in the room.

"And so am I, your little bro, Eric." 

The same went for Spike.

Looking away from Twilight's face, I stopped hugging her for the moment, and instead focused towards a side of her, as Starlight crawled from behind her into view, her own eyes full of tears. Spike came from the other direction, also with tears with his eyes. They reached out their hoof/claw to the foreleg Twilight still had around me, and touched it. I was too small for us to do a group hug, so them putting a hoof/claw on Twilight's foreleg was the closest it could be to a group hug. I thought about asking Twilight and Starlight to recast the counterspell to grow me to my normal height, so we could do that hug. 

And yet...I liked it as we were, so I didn't ask. Between Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer, or even Twilight Velvet, Twilight Sparkle was the closest to my mom in Equestria. Maybe because of a memory I still had deep down of being held like that by my mom when I was still little, I wanted to keep things as it was for the time being.

Looking right at Starlight, thinking about much pressure she felt trying to comfort me on her own, I started to tell her, "Starie? I'm really sorry about earlier, But I--"

But Starlight cut me off and shushed me by gently assuring, "It's all right, Buggie, and I also understand why you did it. Like I said earlier: don't worry about me right now. Just focus on yourself. We're here."

I said nothing else. I just got back to weeping, turned my head back to Twilight's chest, and hugged it again.

But right after Starlight told me what she said before, Twilight did something that's...embarrassing, especially for a guy that's eighteen years old, but I didn't care, and I still don't. Twi, still holding me in a hug, sat up, since she was on her stomach since I saw her lying beside my bed. With Starlight and Spike still touching it, Twi carefully re-positioned the foreleg she had wrapped around me slightly, so I was lying on my back on it, but still facing her and right up to her chest. She moved her other foreleg so it was just under the one on me. And then...oh boy...while everyone stayed quiet, I felt myself being slowly moved towards and backward. Would you believe that Alicorn was actually slowly rocking me like a baby?

What made my big sister do that, I'm not completely sure. In fact, I'm not sure if even she knew, but I'm still too embarrassed to ask and find out. Maybe Twilight sensed I needed a more maternal figure, and as I said, she's the closest I have to one in Equestria, so her own maternal instincts just reacted to it. Maybe she just felt like doing it. Or maybe, just maybe, my mother's spirit found a way to Equestria, was in Twilight at that moment, and she was truly the one rocking me.

My first thought was to tell Twilight she didn't have to do that, mostly out of embarrassment than anything. But, I thought about how I wasn't able to be by my mom's side when she was dying. In fact, I had no idea it was even happening. I wouldn't be able to hear her voice again. I couldn't go and see my human sisters and my dad, because I knew they were just as heartbroken as I was, and I wanted to be there in person. I wouldn't even be able to go to my mom's funeral. As I thought about all that more and more, I finally just thought to myself, You know what? Buck it. Just this once at least, let me not only be selfish, but be an almost literal big baby by being rocked for a while by my big sister.

I couldn't go to my human family in my old human world. But, at least I had two of my four BSBFFs (Big Sisters/Best Friends Forever) and LBBFF (Little Brother/Best Friend Forever) right there with me.

I would say I was glad Starlight and Spike were the only ones that saw it. But, while I was being rocked, I heard what sounded like sniffing and weeping outside my nearly closed bedroom door, and it was open just wide enough for somepony to clearly hear what was happening. My ears could tell that there were more than two others knowing I was being rocked by the Princess of Motherhood. But, you know what? I didn't care. To be honest, I needed them nearby too, to get through the hardest time of my life, not just my BSBFFs and my LBBFF. So instead of wanting two things earlier when Twilight asked what she could do, I really needed seven more things.