It was of no use hiding, watching, and enjoying the situations anymore. Out of nowhere, an inflatable mini pool appeared on the deck, then I jumped out of it like a cheerful dolphin jack-in-the-box. ‘Surprise!’
‘Discord?!’ everypony shouted with flabbergasted expressions adorning their faces—everypony except Twilight, of course. ‘I should have known,’ Twilight said.
‘And you did know in the end, so for that, you get a golden star!’ I snapped my fingers and made a golden sticker appear on Twilight’s forehead.
But she didn’t appreciate either the gift or the joke, ripped off the sticker and threw it to the ground. ‘You better start explaining yourself right now!’ she shouted, face all red.
‘Why so irritated?’ I said. ‘Are you not enjoying the little love spell I cast upon this entire pink bathtub?’
‘Love spell?!’ Twilight exclaimed.
‘Of course. You didn’t think this was all natural, did you? The fast ship, the slow ship, the sappy ship, the ship in danger, and the obsessive ship are clichés as old as Granny Smith.’
Twilight’s mind filled in the missing pieces. ‘So you set everything up yourself?’
‘I did,’ I said, patting myself proudly on the chest. ‘I find it one of my best works. It wasn’t even that hard. The boat offered a very suitable stage for many exciting scenes. But my magic didn’t do all of this, sometimes only the power of love was enough.’
‘Wait, so you were the one who made the ship crash?’ Rainbow Dash said. ‘With just the power of love?’
I shrugged. ‘Yes, the power of love and a little bit of birdseed. It wasn’t that hard, actually.’
Twilight had run out of patience, especially after the heartbreaking confrontation with Starlight Glimmer. She stomped her hoof on the ground and said, ‘Discord, this is all your fault. Now fix this!’
‘Why should I? You are having so much fun!’ I sank back into my little pool, flashed on my swim shorts and summoned my bath toys. They were two miniature ships, which I rubbed together while making smooching sounds.
‘DISCORD!’ Twilight roared.
I didn’t like being yelled at. ‘The answer is no,’ I said calmly.
Rainbow Dash shot towards me and jerked my goatee. ‘You better fix this or I will, I will…’
‘Rip off my goatee?’ A second later, Dash found herself flying with a tuft of white hair in her hooves. With a disgusted shiver, she dropped it to the deck. Another second later, a new goatee grew from my chin.
‘Quit it!’ Twilight called. Together with Starlight she let her horn glow and aimed it dangerously close to me. ‘No more nonsense. You have to make this right.’
‘I can’t, even if I wanted to,’ I said, gulping at the magical threat.
‘You’re bluffing,’ Starlight said, narrowing her eyes.
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Yes, you are,’ Starlight said.
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Yes, you are,’ Starlight and Twilight said at the same time.
Fluttershy saw this was not going anywhere, so she stepped forward and gave me a stern gaze. I never liked to see that gaze, and remembered it all too well. ‘Discord,’ she said, ‘this was not fun.’
‘Well, it was fun for Dash, Soarin, and Rarity. Oh, and for me, of course.’
But Fluttershy was undaunted. ‘Maybe it was fun for some of us, but not for all of us. Also, you let it get way out of hoof.’
I loosened my invisible collar. ‘Well… “out of hoof” is a very subjective expression.’
‘No it’s not. You have toyed with our feelings, you have endangered everypony onboard the ship, you have made Starlight very uncomfortable, and all of that just so you can have a laugh? You should be ashamed of yourself.’
Fluttershy stared so hard at me I thought she was about to use the stare itself. I sweated, despite the water being refreshing and cold. ‘I… eh… actually had another goal with all of this.’
A nod from Fluttershy, as she allowed me to explain my side of the story. I tried to do so as best as I could. ‘My only intentions were to let everypony enjoy Hearts and Hooves Day even more, and make it special.’
‘A little too special to my liking,’ Applejack commented.
‘Yes, but without my fabulous spell, you would all have been mere observers, and I wanted you all to celebrate this day they way it is intended. With lots of love.’
‘These ridiculous situations have nothing to do with love,’ Starlight Glimmer said.
I shook my head in confusion. ‘But that is exactly what love is, right? Ponies acting all crazy for each other in the most extravagant, over-the-top, and cliché ways possible?’
‘I’m sorry to say this, but I think you misunderstood,’ Fluttershy said.
‘Then what is love?’
After a moment of thought, Fluttershy said, ‘Well… look at our friendship. It’s natural, laid-back and totally not forced whatsoever. That is what you did wrong. You can’t force love. It just happens.’
‘It just… happens,’ I repeated. My stare must have been the one of an idiot, perhaps as silly as Derpy Hooves’s. Yet, my mind was actually, genuinely blown. My whole world was upside down.
Fluttershy stepped closer and put a hoof on my shoulder. That soft, tender touch always makes my heart glow. ‘I can understand your mistake and I forgive you, maybe the others too.’ She looked at her friends, but when only a forest of furrowed brows could be seen, she quickly turned her attention to me again. ‘Um… never mind. What I want to say is that we would appreciate it if you undid your spell.’
I stroked Fluttershy’s mane. ‘For you always, Fluttershy.’ With a snap of my fingers I dispelled my nonsense and floated into the air. ‘No need to fuss, everypony. As soon as you get off the boat, the effect of the spell will dwindle. Unfortunately I won’t be able to undo everything that has happened.’
‘What do you mean?’ Twilight said, expecting a catch.
I smiled my signature, amused smile and said, ‘Rainbow Dash, you might want to make a doctor’s appointment as soon as we reach dry land.’
‘Why? I feel totally fine,’ Dash said, tilting her head.
Haha! I could barely contain my laughter. ‘Yes, but it can never hurt to… test yourself, so to speak.’
Rainbow Dash still looked puzzled, but I could see Soarin got it. A wide smile appeared on his face which he wasn’t able to lose anymore. Until the moment he stepped off the boat, of course.
A small wave of relief softened Twilight’s iron stare. ‘Okay, great, then we’ll all get off at the very next stop and everything will go back to normal.’
‘Actually, um… Twilight?’ Fluttershy asked carefully.
‘Yes?’
‘I would actually like to… you know… stay on the ship a little longer, if that’s ok with you, of course.’
Did she hear that correctly? ‘What?! But—’
‘Yeah, me and Soarin would like to stay together as long as we can too,’ Rainbow Dash said, swooping down and hugging her coltfriend tight, even going so far as to smooch him loudly and shamelessly on the muzzle.`
Pinkie jumped up. ‘Why not stay? Maybe I can find a special somepony too?’
‘And I think it’s best if I also hung around for a while longer,’ Applejack said. ‘I need to be there for Flam.’
A blush appeared on Rarity’s face. ‘Pour moi le même,’ she said, speaking fancy all of a sudden as she thought of her dashing mystery lover, winking at her from an unseen shadow somewhere onboard the ship.
‘Eh… Rarity, you’re not going to find Swing Step again,’ I said.
To that, she gave me a stare more ferocious than that of an ursa major. ‘How would you know?!’
Raising my hooves in defense, I mumbled, ‘Okay, okay, never mind.’
A slapping sound shattered the awkward silence. It was Twilight facehoofing. Naturally, it was the only logical reaction. ‘You can’t be serious.’
‘What? Jealous?’ I said with a challenging smile.
‘No!’ she called.
I pinched her cheeks before she slapped my hand away. ‘Aww! Don’t be sad that I didn’t ship you. It is never too late for that, because I brought with me your one greatest love as well.’
Twilight jumped up as if a flyder stung her in her flank. ‘Oh no! No more tricks, you hear. I’ve had quite enough of—’
But it was too late. I snapped my fingers.
‘NOOOOOOOOO!’
In a white flash, Twilight’s only desire and love in the entire world of Equestria appeared in front of her: a pile of dusty old books.
Finally, some recognition! First Pinkie Pie, then Rainbow Dash, then Applejack, then Starlight Glimmer, then Rarity, and then Fluttershy let out a burst of chuckles, pointing from the books to Twilight and back. Twilight herself showed a blush any tomato would be proud of. Her ears flattened, and she managed to summon a tiny grin.
I always know how to joke myself out of a tight spot.
* *
And so the cruise continued, but nothing really interesting happened, now that my fruitful endeavors had been discovered. I think you can guess the ending by yourself, so I’ll leave it open, just for the sake of it. Yes, you can say what you want to say about this whole “Ship” in “shipping” story, dear reader, but the fact remains that thanks to the one and only me, this certainly became the most interesting Hearts and Hooves Day anypony had ever experienced. Let’s do this again next year, shall we?
THE END