Chapter Thirty-Three: Light As A Feather
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As with all good things there came a time where I could sleep no more, and that time was when the fucking wake up call came for me to have a proper meeting with Queen Bast and the Pawsine Council Members. For one, I didn’t give a shit about the Dogs, and for two, Bast was starting to strike me as sketchy as fuck. Nothing she did or said really gave her a solid character in my book, which was odd for a member of royalty. Especially for a kitty-person. From what I knew, most Cats were full of life and loved to talk and trade jokes and compliments; they were just a generally talkative people. However, as with most talkative people, Cats generally have strong or apparent personalities that come across as you speak to them, but I couldn't’ really get a solid read off of Bast. I knew that she wanted me as an ally since the Dogs hated both of us anyway, but beyond that, there was little I knew about her motives.
As I got dressed for the day, I prepared for some disdain and general bullshit to be tossed my way as I thought about the dogs. Rover being a German Shepard meant that he was an aggressive prick and Dottie being a little Jack Russell, standing nearly six inches shorter than me, meant that she wasn’t too keen on the whole ‘BARK BARK BOOF!’ as much as the ‘Tummy wub pwease?’ part of Dogdom. I could see the Good Pupper in her eyes, but Rover needed to be reminded of the dominant species, and ya gal was the one who could do it no problem.
While Ligre did my hair (His Mom used to be a stylist. Go figure, right?) I talked to him about what the general rule of thumb for Dogs was for his people and he said that none of the larger Cat races had problems with Dogs and few of the larger Dog races had problems with Cats. It was the little fuckers that beefed all the time, so I wondered if Rover was just a prick in general or if he was a Chihuahua in a Shepard’s body. He wasn’t exactly dangerous to me, but I could imagine that he and his and guards would make some trouble since some of them were Wolves that had changed teams from Tribalism to Civilization.
I liked my odds in a fight, but I didn’t like my odds in a political conflict. The Dogs were notorious for their occasional bouts of brilliance in negotiations, but I was honestly banking on my bullshit detecting skills and Dottie’s relative submissiveness to win this particular fight. Once Ligre was done working his Magic to make me look regal while my hair was only shoulder length because I refused to grow it out any longer than that, We got a move on to the Grand Terrace for a mid-morning breakfast in the open air with plenty of shade. However, breakfast was already shaping up to be rough by the time Jorr, Ligre and I came to breakfast.
“-mnably hot! This blasted place is enough to make you rip your own coat off!” Rover barked deeply, his bullshit making my feet vibrate.
Dottie perked up when she saw me before glancing to Rover and looking back down. Bast noticed her attention shift toward me before she looked away, alerting her to my presence. “Ah, Queen Jayne! I see you’re-”
“Tardy!” Rover barked. Almost literally. “Just where do you-”
“Shut the fuck up and realize that you’ve just spat in your hostess’ face, Mutt.” I replied at volume.
Rover cocked his head to the side and bore his teeth at me. “You dare-”
“You dare bare your teeth at the Goddamn Queen of Minosia? You trumped up lit-tle beeyotch: I will punch you inna quickness.”
“Let’s not lose our tempers so early in the day now,” Bast said, mediator mode coming into play. “After all, the day’s just begun-”
“And-” Rover started to cut her off again, so I flung a Silence Hex at him. He stopped barking when he realized he wasn’t making any noise.
I looked at Bast. “I’m so sorry for our fellow ruler’s rudeness. The dogs of my world had far superior manners than this.” I turned to Rover to see that he was pointed at me and (Probably) trying to shout curses at me.
Dottie spoke up. “Th-This is an offense that th-the Council will not stand for!”
I raised a brow. “And your Council would deny two Queens of potential ally nations so much as a modicum of respect?”
Dottie shut up.
Rover hit her and started yapping at her, so I unmuted him for a second. “- bitch! You’re a disgrace to the- Oh.” His voice was so hoarse that it was actually laughable.
“And to speak to your own colleague in such a manner! Why, I say! Bad Dog! Bad, bad Dog!” I chided.
Rover bore his teeth at me again and growled. “I will not forget this!”
I gave him a bored look. Then I looked at Bast. Dottie was next. “... I don’t see this going anywhere fast. I really don’t. It literally took me the time to look between the three of you to understand best to show you how far you’re out of your depth.” Bast opened her mouth as I picked my purse up off the ground. “Hold on, kitty-cat. I’ve got something special to show you.”
“Your Majesty!” Ligre said in a warning tone.
“Cease this foolishness at once before you truly face the might of the Dog Clans, you overblown Dryad!” Rover rasped.
I pulled out a pinch of insanity and willed it into an eye-dropper. I basically dumped two milliliters of raw Double-You-Tee-Eff into each eye to concentrate the Magic there and send it into a complete and total frenzy. The MRP would’ve made a sane person’s eyes explode at the rate the Mana gathered and separated, but I was crazier than a fox and twice as likely to fuck off into a den. My eyes were now super-charged with raw Insanity, they went from amber to bright and sunny orange, my true colors shining through in the moment. From there, I turned my gaze to Rover and turned him into a normal German Shepard with a corgi tail because I thought it would be cute, and I turned Bast’s mind into straight mush for a little bit so I could tinker with her thoughts. Dottie was the only one I left alone since even the guards got a taste of my Slave Gaze, so when I was done, I just blinked away the excess Magic for use at a later date and gave Dottie a wink.
Dottie stared at her former colleague as he licked her hands and tried to get her to pet him. “... Rover?”
“Not quite. You can take him home with you if you want. He should be house trained and a lot more pleasant to be around now,” I said flippantly.
The Bitch looked at me with fear in her eyes while Queen Bast wore a thousand yard stare. “... What- What have you done? A-Are you-”
“I’m not going to hurt you, Dottie. You seem like a good little Bitch to me, so I think I’ll just let you know that you work for me now. How’[s that sound?”
She nodded rapidly. “It sounds good, Your Majesty!”
I gave her a warm smile. “Thanks, Cutie Pie.” Looking to Bast, I snapped my fingers to bring her out of her reverie.
Sadly, I’d interrupted Bast’s reformation right around the time I was throwing catnip around in her soul, so she came back to the waking world high as fuck. “Meeooow~”
Dottie looked scared, so I just went over and patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about her, Dottie. She’ll be fine after naptime.”
Bast smiled at me like I was her best friend throughout the ages. “Jayne~ Why don’t you come sit next to me and we’ll share tales over breakfast?”
“Boof!” Rover barked. “Boof boof woof!”
Dottie stroked his back and he stopped barking, so I gave him a strip of bacon from the table before going over to Bast to talk with her for a little bit. We eventually dragged Dottie over so we could all have a grand ol’ time with Bast’s horror stories of being in office, my ludicrous assassination attempts, and after a bit, we even got Dottie herself to talk about being the Omega in the Pawsine Council. Apparently it had its perks, and not getting turned into an actual dog was one of them in Dottie’s books.
Other than that, I basically just bullied an alliance out of the two women and fucked off for the rest of the day, spending my time in the lap of luxury while patting myself on the back for solving things the most efficient way possible as well as cementing myself as a threat to be reckoned with at later dates. All was going to plan, whatever that was supposed to be,. And I was happily taking my place as the ruler of the Eastern Hemisphere as time progressed. All I’d have to do would be go to Serpest and voila! Ynuntu would be under my thumb too and all would be right with the right side of the world.
I wasn’t slated to go to Serpest any time soon, and Ynuntu hadn’t sent a delegate or anything over since refugees from her country started showing up in mine, so I sent her a letter asking for an audience in due time while I was preparing to go and get lost from The Great Sands. I didn’t want to deal with the heat of the place any longer than I’d already had to anyway, so I was glad to get the hell out of the place and back to my cooler, less shitty country and deal with my uglier, less cool people.
There wasn’t much keeping me in The Sands other than Bast herself who seemed to just enjoy having me around after I broke her brain. I thought that it might come to bite me in time, but I really wasn’t all that worried about it since no one gave a damn about what no one could prove I did in the first place. I was free and clear of my sins as far as the normies were concerned, and if they weren’t, then all the better for me. Honestly the mind bending should have made me feel bad, but then I remembered that Max used to do the same thing for his own purposes when he was getting out there and I felt a little more justified in my rationalizations. I mean, I’m comparing myself to a guy who was a much better person than me from the get go, and I’d like to say that following in his footsteps wasn’t the worst idea I could’ve come up with.
After I left The Great Sands, I arrived back home in Minosia and walked the streets to get back to the castle instead of trying to get a carriage or a chariot arranged. I liked having my people see me among them as often as possible, so I usually chose to walk it out or generally just stop and talk to a few merchants here and there to see what the word on the street is. Outside of the usual gossip, no one gave me any juicy details on anything, so I let the general populace be on the way back to the castle and chose to go and see the Hermione and ask if she wanted to cuddle or some shit since it was getting late in the day. Diane didn’t strike me as cuddle-buddy-of-the-minute, so Hermione was the one that could come and get some affection if she wanted it.
I unfortunately arrived right at dinner time, so I had to walk to the opposite side of the middle of the fucking Court Hall instead of riding on Midas’ shoulder. He was a good taxi when I hadn’t pissed him off, but with the previous days events and the Good Boy Routine having played out, he wasn’t letting me hitch a ride anytime soon since I wasn’t going to make him do it. After arriving in the Dining Hall in time to see Hermione and Diane turn away from each other in a huff, I sighed and sat between both of them. “So I-”
“We know.” They chorused.
“And we both think you’re growing too big for your britches, Buster!” Diane chided.
Hermione rolled her eyes. “I simply think you are overplaying your hand and making yourself far too many enemies far too quickly. Simmer down a little, will you?”
I gave them both dirty looks. “You try being this powerful and not flexing on the punks who try and face up to you. It’s like bowling over toddlers!”
They exchanged worried looks. “... The mind of an insane man in an insane woman’s body…” Diane trailed off.
“A dangerous thing indeed,” Hermione answered. “However, we must remember that Jayne is not evil, simply…”
“Obsessive compulsive about having things done my way?” I asked halfheartedly.
“More like casually assholish.” My bitch of a bombshell brunette babe said brashly. Well, she said it casually, but alliteration.
“I would say wholly aware of and willing to use her power at a whim, which is getting dangerous, my daughter.” Hermione’s face fell into a mildly disapproving expression.
I flicked my tongue out at her. “Fuck ya dearly Ms. Yearly.” I turned to Diane and flashed her a stupid face over the course of the blink of an eye, nailed perfectly. “Eat a wicker tick in a Burning Man dick.”
Diane threw a dinner roll at me, so I ate it with my left eye, using my brow and cheek to hold the role in place while my eyelids ate it. Diane’s jaw dropped when she realized that the bread was getting smaller and smaller. “... No-kay. That’s a nokay from me, Babe.”
Eye dropped the roll- Fuggin’ ow, mayhaps?
Ω It’s time to stop before I drop and roll you. Ω
Taste your bourbon. I dare you.
Ω … That’s not nice. A lady shouldn’t do that to a gentleman’s bourbon. Ω
Try me-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-I give! The fuck was that!?
Ω Flowing strikes. Ω
☬ Ah, seems like it would be apt for my Wind Magic. ☬
Ω Later. Jayne was telling a story? Ω
Shit dick. Anyway, I put the roll into my hand and ate it normally, though I had a few crumbs on my cheek. Diane got up and walked over to me, looking into my eyes with a certain amount of fear in her own. “... Nutter Butter?”
“No nuts, more butt.” I made a face.
“... Butter Nutter?”
I cracked a smile. “Do you think I’m butter like this?”
My best friend in the whole world gave me the saddest smile I’d seen since the day her husband died, the day my previous best friend had been stabbed in the back. She looked at me and I could practically feel the pit in her stomach; the weight on her chest that she need to push off. It was a long time coming, ever since I’d started dabbling with Blood Magic in the first place, and I’d already known that it was going to come to a head at some point since I kept fucking up. She place a hand on my shoulder and the other on her heart. A clearer indication of the magnitude of what she was about to say, there really couldn’t have been.
“Jayne…” She started, trailing off even after a good bit to find her words. “Jayne, I love you. I love you, but you are not a fucking god.”
I puckered my lips. “Nah, I’m a fishy.” Kissy noises were then made.
She slapped the piss out of Pistol and put it in Piston, because she backhanded me with aplomb. I cut my lips on my teeth with both swings, but before I could whack her back, I stopped feeling like doing it. I just looked at her and saw that tears were streaming down her face. “Jameson Maxwell Underwood, you are becoming evil. Do you just not care?”
“I mean-a what-a do ya want-a me to say-a, Diane!? I cannot-a give a fuck-a!”
“... Okay.”
I gave her a smile. “Ya wanna be evil too?”
Diane blinked rapidly. “... I don’t like hurting people, Jayne…”
“Neither do I, Babycakes. I just turn people into things and make them do dumb shit because I can.”
“So you’re an asshole.”
“I’m a bitch.”
“... That’s not who I am, Jayne.” Diane sighed.
“Then cheer up the people I make sad. Stay close to take me down when I actually become a threat.” My smile didn’t make her smile.
She cleared her cheeks of her tears and sat down next to me. It took her a long time to say, “:.. Okay.”
I looked at her lovingly, hoping that she would know how much I truly wanted her in my life. Hoping that she would know that I just wanted her to be happy. “Are you sure?”
“I’m as sure as I can be.” She said.
I laid a hand on her shoulder and looked her in the eye. “Then welcome to the club, Diane. I never meant for it to come to this.”
She tried to close her eyes and turn her head when she realized that my eyes were the wrong color, when she realized that I was using Mari’s emotions to fill the voids in my psyche. Without a heart of my own, I watched myself break and rebuild Diane’s mind-
☬ Max, stop! ☬
Ω SHE TRUSTED YOU! Ω
☬ Furladra’s fucking tits, STOP! ☬
…
Ω … Ω
☬ … ☬
Fuckin’ ugh. Just had to get us thrown out, didn’t you?
Ω Just tell the story. Ω
You’re gonna be pissed. I don’t even know how you remember Diane.
Ω Just tell the story Ω
Fine. I reshaped Diane’s mind to suit the future she was looking at as long as she was going to stay by my side, and as she fell asleep, I caught her and held her, smiling at Hermione. “So? What do you say?”
She stared at me, probably trying not to show that she was terrified since Diane had been her rival. “Where you lead, I shall follow, daughter.”
“Thank you Mommy. Can we go have snuggles?”
If she could actually eat, I think she would have been ill. “... Do you seriously…?”
“Yeah. I could go for some finger fuckin’. I’m dripping.”
“... Yggdragil’s staff and shaft…”
“Kiddin’ Mommy. I was kidding.”
“Oh thank Heavens.” She sighed in relief.
Damn. “I still want to cuddle. I’m sad that Diane made me-”
“We can cuddle as long as you bring her with us this time. I want to monitor how she’s doing for the time being.”
“Yeah, okay. While you do that, I’m going to be slipping into something a little cooler. I’m practically dying of heatstroke at this point.”
Hermione gave me a look. “I could have gone in your stead, you know. Or Diane could have gone.”
“And ruined my good name? Please. You two wouldn’t know what to do without me.”
“I’ve managed for nearly ten thousand years, you sperm.”
“Sure thing, you silver fox.”
She rolled her eyes as I picked Diane up. “Do you want me to have some of the food brought up to your chambers for a snack?”
“If you wouldn’t mind. I need to feed my eyes too.”
“... Seriously?”
“They only work so long without being fed. It’s not like I have to do it terribly often.”
“That is very disturbing.”
“Wanna eat me out while I eat?”
“You really are horny!”
“Sorry I get off from flexin’! It’s not my fault!”
“I don’t know what that means, but I want you to knock it off. Do you hear me, young Miss?”
I bent my head and shuffled my feet, holding Diane a little closer. “Yes Mommy…”
“That’s what I thought. Now you are not to use your nasty little powers against Diane or myself ever again unless it is abso-lutely necessary, understood?”
“Yes Mommy.”
“Hmph! That’s what I thought. I’ll see you in your room, and you had better be wearing something appropriate. Am I being clear?”
“Of course, Mommy.”
“Good. Now go.” She pointed toward the door and I started trudging away. “Jayne, what have I told you about your posture?”
She let me go after I straightened up and Diane cuddled up to me while she was knocked the fuck out, so that was nice. Other than that, there wasn’t much going on until I got to my room where I saw what Hermione had meant by ‘appropriate’. She wanted me to wear some Grandma’s nightgown as a joke or something, but I thought that it was weird, so I searched around for something else to sleep in. I didn’t have anything that would be comfortable, and all of my normal non-gay underwear had been replaced with girly shit that I was not going to wear. I didn’t even want to be wearing the damn robes that I had on, but there was little I could do about it other than strip it off and sleep in dirty underwear.
Or sleep naked. It was weird, but I had no problems doing it.
After a quick bath and blitz to get ready for bed and shit, I dried off and prepared to climb into bed before Hermione came up behind me and slapped my bare ass with a vengeance. I about whirled around and smacked her before she caught my hand and gave me a motherly glare. “Your birthday suit is not appropriate, young lady.”
I winced. “B-But Mommy!”
She leaned down and glared at me. “You are going to pick out a nice pair of panties and you’re going to put your nightgown on for bedtime. Do you understand?”
“But-”
“No buts.”
I gave her the saddest look I could, but her gaze didn’t soften any. “Mommy, I-”
“What did I just say, Jayne?”
I looked down and shuffled my feet, covering my lady parts as I stood. “... I’m not a girl.”
“I would rather say that you are, daughter. Go put on some panties.”
I rubbed my arm, but didn’t make any move to do anything else.
Hermione grabbed my arm and started dragging me across the room. “Fine. If you’re going to act like a petulant little filly, then Mommy’s going to treat you like a petulant little filly until you learn to accept what’s between your legs!”
My bare feet offered me no purchase on the smooth stone floor, so Hermione had no problem dragging my happy ass over to the wardrobe. “Mommy, I-”
“If you don’t put on your panties and your nightie, your getting a spanking!” She warned.
I wrested my arm from her and tried to zip across the room, but she caught me and eventually managed to put me into a faggoty-ass faggotacious faggotry-filled pair of fairy-ass panties. With my pride aching and me being near tears, Hermione also made me put the fucking nightgown on and it was as humiliating as I’d thought it would be. When we laid down for bed, she was distant anyway when I cuddled up to her, and Diana provided little comfort in her sleep. I didn’t want to be a woman. I’d made it very apparent that I wasn’t going to give into being a woman, but the first thing Hermione does after welcoming me home from a hard fought brain-mushing was put me in some panties and make me her bitch for the night. The worst part was that she kept her hands on my hips all night so that I didn’t have a choice but to feel the difference.
Ω Boo-hoo. Ω
I was crazy! Seriously, I was basically an emotionless husk that only indulged in what I wanted to do, and having Hermione mother me was one of the things I wanted to happen! If she wanted to play mad and make me feel like a girl, then it was a part of my whim and thus it was okay. We both knew she was on borrowed time as far as ordering me around went, but she was willing to make use of what she had while she had it. I didn’t blame her for it, and I was sure that there was a reason behind her forcing me to wear women’s apparel, I just didn’t see it at the moment. That alone made it hard to sleep, but having Hermione’s presence just behind me while I slept was pretty fucking bad too. I didn’t want her there if she wasn’t going to give me my damned cuddles, and if I didn’t want her there, she didn’t have to be there. Sadly, I wanted her around because I didn’t have anyone else to turn to, and it was all my fault.
Ω Eeyup. Ω
…
☬ … I’ll pick it up from here. ☬
✧❖☬❖✧
I still feel rather certain to this day that the only reason I woke from Skuld’s bed of leaves was because she allowed me to, and when I saw her beautiful face in the low lights of her home, I wondered how Maud was doing and if she’d like some dick. Skuld gently shook me from my slumber and handed me a half of an odd, seedy fruit not unlike a purplish-blue pomegranate. She ate from her own half of the fruit, so I tasted mine for myself and found the flavor to be unlike anything I’d ever had before. Every little pearl of freshness coated my mouth in what felt like sweet cream ice, and the more I ate, the more potent the flavour became. The fruit was delicious overall, and it made my breath smell better, so that was a plus.
“Good morning, and welcome to the waking world.” Skuld said pleasantly, propping herself up on one arm.
I copied her and gave her a smile. “Thank you for the treat and the nap. Both were very pleasant.”
“Any time, should you choose to come back to the Fallen Forest, of course,” She replied, reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair from my fair. It was a familiar gesture to be sure, but it certainly felt like a familial touch more so than an intimate caress.
I sat up and gave her a mild smile, taking my index claws and shaving my face with them. In between passes, I said, “You know, rare is the day I share a bed with a woman who isn’t family or soon to be introduced to it.”
She raised a brow and gave me a coy look. “Why, would you happen to be implying that we did more than talk in my den?”
“I would happily imply that to every animal in the forest. In fact, I might start making noises any second.”
“I would happily sire your children if you are not able to find a mate. I am the Matron, after all.” She gave me an earnest smile.
I couldn’t help but stare. “Right. I mean, I have a mate. A wife, actually. I was kidding.”
“But I am not. Your mate is a race of this world, is she not?”
“Well, yes, but-”
“Then you will struggle to conceive without my aid. Should you ever wish for a child, you know where to find me.” Skuld patted my chest and got up, walking toward the upward slope that lead out of her ‘den’.
I decided to follow her since I had nothing better to do with my time than sit and jerk my wiener schnitzel and dance with no pants, which neither actually sounded like any fun at the moment. What did sound fun was the walk Skuld offered to take me on through the forest with the giant Basilisk, a Wyvern, and a large cat of some kind with very large fangs that were nearly tusks. It wasn’t a famed sabre-toothed tiger or anything, but it certainly appeared to be a sword-mouthed panther of some kind. With our Honor Guard or whatever taking their various methods to stay close and keep up, Skuld lead me through the magnificent maze that was the Fallen Forest.
Trees, of course, were strewn everywhere, but what I hadn’t seen from the sky was that a lot of the trees were still living and growing just fine, despite being at an angle. Walking under them as they stacked together, and occasionally having to clamber over some of them to get to the next piece of whatever zany path it was that Skuld was taking happened to be quite fun. There were plenty of little critters that came up to us for conversation, and there were a few times where Skuld stopped to essentially talk to herself, but as if someone else was on the receiving side of the conversation. I wasn’t that worried about it since it wasn’t like she was going to come after me or anything of the sort, but I did wonder if she might have been a touch insane.
Other than that, the walk was nice and it gave me plenty of time to wonder what Skuld’s price was going to be. I hoped that she wasn’t softening me up for a heavy toll, but my hopes were dashed when she brought us back to the roots of her globe-wielding tree and sighed. “Well, Kaid Cosantoir… It’s time.”
I gave her a gentle smile and tried to relax. “Try not to be so foreboding, will you? It’s not like you’re asking for a pound of flesh, right?”
“... In a manner of speaking, I am, but even then it’s not something to be joked about.”
“Then let’s not give me any more opportunities to make jokes and just get on with what the price is, why don’t we?”
“... Would you ask that I stab you in your heart, or in your mind?”
“If you touch my wife-”
“Then you want to choose the mind?” Skuld asked softly.
“... Who is that?”
“I cannot tell you.”
“And I’m the Prince of Equestria. Seriously, are you taking the life of someone I care about?”
“I do not wish to do this to you, Kaid. My hand is being forced at this moment.”
“... I see. I won’t have anyone suffer on my behalf, Skuld.”
“... Garrison,” She said sadly, “there is no third option.”
I rose from my seat and looked her in the eye. “There’s always a third option, Skuld. You either make the choice, you cut and run, or you kill the person making you choose.”
She dodged the swipe I took at her with ease, and even my enhanced speed and the fact that my hands were my weapons couldn’t help me catch up to her pace. “You don’t want to do this, Garrison! It won’t end well for you!”
“Then tell me how I make this end well!” I continued my assault as best I could.
Out of nowhere, arrows started flying from thin air and I was hardpressed to dodge them while Skuld began her counter attack. “I can’t! Just make the choice!”
“I choose you!” I roared as an arrow caught me in my right calf.
I managed to get my Air Shield up in time to stop more arrows from peppering me, but it wasn’t enough to stop the Basilisk’s tail from whipping through my fucking shield. I caught the heavy blow on the chest and got sent flying, but fortunately, I’m good at flying. I got sent across the clearing before catching myself and my balance in the air. I had to get my shield back up quickly, but once it was up, all I had to do was rain Airrows down at the glade and suck up what I sent down to make animals start passing out left and right. Soon enough, only the Matron remained standing, but then she was only on the ground for so long.
She sprouted what seemed to be wings made of twigs with feathers made of leaves, following me into the air to battle me in my territory. She barely made it halfway to where I was where I shot an Airrow directly at her face, but it barely phased her. Air didn’t seem to be her weakness, so I decided to try fire as she charged at me, fist drawn back in preparation of what was surely to be a heavy punch. Green flames wrapped around my claws before I thrust them forward, channeling my frustrations with my mission and position in the world as my source of anger. The fire was adequately fueled, but it just wasn’t enough to do anything other than singe the Matron’s wings.
I caught her fist in my open claws and squeezed down, making her cry out as my claws cut through flesh and bit into bone. I only needed to hold her with one hand and prepare the other to strike her down, but… When Skuld raised her arm to shield herself from me, she tucked her head into her shoulder and offered no further resistance, her ruined hand shaking mightily in my loosening grip. I let her go, but kept her in my Air Shield as I started chanting a first aid spell for her.Skuld was understandably confused and I didn’t blame her. I’d been dead set on ending her life to make sure I got the Basilisk’s blood when I just… The anger in me just evaporated. Like water to a scalding skillet, it just disappeared and I took mercy on Skuld. It wasn’t her fault. She was a pawn in the same game I was playing, just as much a victim of circumstance as me.
Once she was as healed as I could get her, I started taking us back down to the ground, grabbing a snack while Skuld voiced her concerns. “... Why? Why did you spare me?”
“... Because this isn’t your fault. None of this is anyone’s fault other than Kauku’s.” I said gravely.
We touched back down to the forest floor and Skuld warded off her animals, looking at me curiously, her generally smiley face wearing a worried frown. “Then you will make your choice?”
“I’ve already made up my mind.” I gave her a sad smile, my breath already coming to me in shorter spans.
There was no smile for the man who’d just spared her life. “Then I’m listening.”
I sat down. “There’s always a third choice.”
She knelt next to me. “... You’re running away?”
The grass beneath my weary head was soft. “Always a third choice...”
I let my breathing slow and even come to a stop, my vision fading before my eyes even closed. Skuld’s words were lost on me as the land shifted from sun-bathed grass to fire-baked brimstone, my eyes opening to the true and horrific spectacle that was Hell. I sat up as calmly as I could because the fire didn’t hurt, but I could sense that I was out of place. It was made clear to me by some succubi that decided to land as I got to my feet, four of them circling me as if sizing up my cock for a strut. It was awfully dehumanizing, which I admitted to myself was probably because I was in fucking Hell.
“Well, well, well, look what we have here girls~” The leader of the pack said huskily. Her ivory hair and ebony skin were both alluring to say the least, but her slitted, horizontal pupils disturbed me. Her build was definitely top heavy, but her hips and thighs were nothing to scoff at either.
A slender, dark pink minx of a Demoness giggled and garnered my attention. Her short hair and small stature lent her the look of someone around marrying age back in Avalesce. “He looks like a halfie! When’s the last time you even heard of a halfie!?”
I felt the tallest of the pack, the absolute giantess of a woman with endowments to match, pluck a feather from my wing, so I whapped her in the quim with it quickly. Her bronze skin was interesting, and her golden smile was friendly, but I had a funny feeling that she was into the wrong kind of ‘rough’. “Got a souvenir! I can’t wait to show this off in Whoring Galore One-Oh-One!”
The fourth had remained silent and continued to remain silent as I glared at each of the Succubi in turn for calling me things and walking around me in an annoying fashion. I decided to poke the top-heavy ebony-skinned one with a knuckle. “Oi. Why are you lot ogling me? Aintcha never seen a Penismun?”
The short one giggled some more and gave me a sickening smile. “Oh, don’t be a party pooper! We’re just checkin’ ya out for a… Class assignment! Yeah, that!”
“I’m an adult.”
The one I’d poked returned the favour. “Got any friends, Cutie?”
“Just four sexy ladies who like to walk around angelically handsome Demons.” I winked at her.
They all scoffed and my feelings almost got hurt. I say almost when they actually did take a bruise since it was four young women taking the shot, but I picked my pride up nonetheless when the tall one spoke. “Right. You’re cute at best, guy.”
I looked at my claws and up to her since they’d stopped walking around me and had decided to stand in front of me. “Well, do the claws help or hurt?”
“They look pretty cool…” The murky green, mostly quiet one said. I could easily see her filling the roll of a slutty Scribe of some sort, if there even was a Scribe with a sex drive. Her bust was modest and her hips were the same, but she seemed to have a nice enough rear on her.
“See? At least I’ve got a little something going for me, right?” I smirked.
“Yeah, for a Freelancer. What do you usually have to do around this Quadrant?” The Bronze one asked.
I raised a brow and prepared myself. “I get away with doing a whole lot of nothing, to be honest with you. I don’t know how; probably gonna get tortured for it at some point, but for the time being life-death-unlife-redeath isn’t too shitty.”
“Lucky! She gasped. “You must have gotten left off of the schedule!”
I looked her dead in the eye and said, “I have literally never heard of that happening.”
The precious metal marvel winked at me. “Just checkin’. We heard that there was a new arrival somewhere around here and we figured we’d see if we could whore some sextra credit before the new dude lost their soul. Thought you might be him since you don’t really look that Demonic, y’know?”
I tried igniting my hands with fire and it worked. “Alright, so I can do that.”
“Damn. Coulda just asked you for some Magic. Tch.” She shrugged. “So…”
“Maybe we could entice you…?” The ebony one continued.
I shook my head. “Sadly I’ve got an old memory that makes the soldier ache. You lot are quite the eyeful, however. Good luck with your sextra credit or whatever. I guess.” I furrowed my brow and shook my head.
The pink one crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me. “Wait a minute… Ah, nevermind!:” She gave me a smile.
I raised a brow. “See something you wanted to?”
“Just checking your eyes. I thought they were round for a second.”
I tilted my head at her and was old as shit for a solid fifteen seconds before it clicked. “You mean the fucking pupil. I forgot that was even a thing.”
“Wait, when’s the last time you tortured a Human?” Bronzey asked.
I widened my eyes and rolled them off into space, puffing out my cheeks. “... Fuck, I honestly I can’t fuckin’ tell ya. It just runs together when your partner stops trying to come up with new stuff too.”
“Ahhh,” The girls collectively sighed.
“So you’re how old, Mr. Halfie?” Ebony asked.
“A little over a thousand years, a couple months overdue on my hibernation cycle. I’m sure I can go a few years until I find somewhere good enough.” I shrugged casually with a bit of swagger.
I got a bunch of dumb looks for that, but the quiet green one eventually said, “... You probably don’t have to work because it’s time for you to get out of the field, Mister. You’re pretty old for a Half-Breed.”
I scoffed and waved a claw at her. “Eh, you’re only as old as you feel and I just feel a little tired. When I was barely out of my fifth century, I was tired all the time!”
“At least you still look good for being a Grandpa. Did you ever settle down?” Hot Pink asked.
“Never saw a point in it when… Well, to be honest, I gave it some thought, but I’d rather just find a fight and die against someone more interesting than me.”
They all nodded their assent, though it was Bronze who said, “Good. No offense, but Halfie Magic’s funky when you guys breed.”:
“Magic’s funky as it is.” I grumbled irritably.
“Oh…” Greenie murmured, her voice trailing off.
“Sorry to bother you, Mister. Try to find your fight soon, okay?” Bronze saluted me first, but Ebony gave me a kiss on the cheek and patted my shoulder before the rest of the girls made any move to take off.
After a moment to wonder what the fuck I’d just managed to bluff myself out of and how I’d just managed to get a fucking workable story out of it. I literally gave myself an excuse to hide for millions upon millions upon millions of years to atone for Max’s sins alone, and with Kauku’s added on, I was looking at becoming one of the oldest being in creation myself unless I could somehow manage to make the best of my shittiful, shittacious shituation. I took in my circumstances and decided to do what I generally did best as of late:
Act like I was senile.
I started flying around using my wings, struggling through the heavy air currents in fucking Hell before I started using Magic to give myself an easier time. I didn’t reduce the heat since it felt right in a way, but I did certainly give myself some time to acclimate to the new… Climate. Fuck. Whatever. As I was saying, I flew high into the skies of Hell where there were various other Demons in all shapes and sizes flitting about as they pleased. Bulbous snakes with bee wings, Centaurs with Dragon Wings, and cats with bat wings were most prominent in the skies, often attacking passersby, so I avoided them as I could and killed them when I couldn't though I didn’t dare try to take on one of the Centaurs. With wings considerably larger than mine and far more experience with them, I didn’t doubt that they could catch up to whatever lead I had on them in no time. It also didn’t hurt that they seemed to be like the police of the place and often whacked the flying cats for bothering ‘people’.
From far above Hell’s lake of fire and islands of brimstone, I could see dots rocketing up into the sky, lancing arrows of light breaking through the inky blackness above and burning bright like an exploding star before fizzling out. One would only be followed by three more, and each of those three would have three behind them, and so the pattern continued in bursts until the sky was nearly lit up for but a few seconds, showing a simple message:
You Deserve This.
In a way, I found that to be quite untrue. I figured most people felt the same way, but Kauku had literally told me that she was placing an unfathomable amount of sin on my soul as my punishment for not bending to her will, and that just wasn’t fair. I’d done nothing to the people she’d hurt, let alone the people Max had crossed in his long, long life. It was nothing short of infuriating to know that I was probably going to lose all sense of who I was by the time my sentence in Hell was up and I would well and truly be senile. There wasn’t even a guarantee that I’d come back, but all of my plans… They weren’t worth losing Maud or Aria over. I only knew that Maud was supposed to be my heart, so I could only hope that Aria had been my mind and not someone like Frieda, who I would’ve happily sacrificed in my or Maud’s stead, as callous as that seems. I still would have fought to keep her alive, just not as hard.
When I looked down from the depressing sight, I saw the flames of Hell flicker, so I flew down to swoop through the lake of fire so I could give them a pummeling. I figured it wouldn’t hurt, and I was proven wrong when I dove in face first. It really hurt, but not because it was fucking hot. It was because there were bazillions of sinners just burning away beneath the surface, which is probably why the Centaur that pulled my dumb arse out by the leg was laughing when he did it. He tossed me into the air pretty casually and I caught myself, hovering above the flames while my savior stopped by to say hi.
“Ha! Ain’t seen a’ fella jump inta the lake in a’ looong time! You waitin’ on hibernation, pal?”
I rubbed my head and wondered how we were about to continue this conversation over the screams of the damned until I stopped caring about logic. I mean, I was in Hell. “Yeah, pretty much. I just thought the fire looked cozy.”
He pointed off in the distance to a bright red sign that blew my mind. It had a blue ring around a symbol of flames that seemed as though someone had made a mockery of flame itself. “Hit th’ flame pits iffin’ you’re tryin’ for a quick nap, awwrigh’?”
“Some young Succubi told me that I should look into a place to retire. Know of anywhere I can hole up?”
“... You a Halfie, righ’?”
“Eeyuss.”
The hideous being probably gave me a look of some kind. “The place you’re lookin’ for is a couple circles up, fella. You’re in the Murder Hole.”
I looked up then looked at him. “... I think I’ve been here too long.”
“Whatcha mean, old timer?”
“I forgot there were seven circles.”
“Nine, ya mean.”
“... What are the top two?”
“Limbo and Lust.”
“... This is bullshit! I’ve been workin’ seven floors my whole career and I never got either of the easy ones!?”
The guy raised his hands. “Hey now, jus’ pick someone up from the lake if you’re mad about it. I gotta step in if it’s Demon on Demon.”
I crossed my arms and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “... Torturing people isn’t even fun anymore. Do you think I could get up to Limbo?”
“Tch, good luck. I been here a hundred years workin’ th’ lake, ever since my fiftieth. Iffin’ you’re ready for retirement and ya’ve only worked seven floors, I doubt ya got a chance.”
“Then is there a quick way to Lust?”
“Yeah, just follow the Blue Ice Path back up the spiral. It’s jus’ round this here mountain, so iffin’ ya fly quick as y’all old folks can-”
“Heya, whippersnapper.” I pointed a claw at him.
His tongue-thing flicked out of his mouth as his voice took on an amused tone. “I know y’all Halfies are special, but ya know us Centaurs are the fastest of the Humanoids.”
“Race me to the Blue Ice Path?” I asked, gesturing toward the mountain he’d indicated.
“Naw, wish I could though. Love ta whoop ya before ya lose all that moxie.”
“I took on bigger than you before I got hit with Demon blood-”
“Wait, you were turned?”
“Yeah, first time I died I got turned into a Demon and walked the world as a living-dead
thing. When I got tired of it, I came back to Hell and picked up where I should’ve started.”
“Wow… Ya live an interesting life, ya sure do. Die in peace, old man.”
“I ain’t dyin’ yet, dumbarse.” I waved a claw at him and started flying off. “Torture hard and keep ‘em in the pit!”
“Take ‘er easy, pal!”
Without turning back, I flew over the pond of fire that on the large island the Centaur hang flung me near and decided to get some altitude over circling the mountain. Getting higher was a breeze with the way the currents were blowing, and it felt rather good to be in the air, even if I was dead. Not even technically, my body had ingested cyanide, nightshade, and wolfsbane for a snack: I wasn’t coming back unless someone brought me back or I was meant to. With that being said, I didn’t let it get me down as I started rounding the mountain.
The Blue Ice path was crystal clear to the naked eye, or rather, spotting it was easy since it was pretty much the only blue thing in site. I’d almost landed on it before I took a closer look and saw that the path was laden with what appeared to be blue glass and odd tubes that seemed rather unpleasant to walk on. I decided to not and fly over it instead, sweeping past all sorts of people that were begging for relief on their trek down the long path from the higher floor. Many signs dotted the path, such as ‘I didn’t mean to kill him’ or ‘It was only supposed to be one hit’, though my personal favourite was, ‘I didn’t know I couldn’t stop!’. I figured it was all related to some sort of addiction and casually wandered my way up to the floor named ‘Heresy’.
While I flew around and looked at all of the people being flagellated on all of the different floors of the structure, I wondered what maniacal mind had set itself to sectioning out so much of Hell for the purpose of whipping people. It seemed like a very elaborate set up for such a simple act, though I suppose that there had to be some Demons with more tact than to just toss people in a lake of fire, but it wasn’t really my problem or concern in the first place, so I put it in the back of my mind. Keep in mind that Hell was pretty deafening at all time, but hearing people only cry out or moan in between whipping and whatnot was better than the constant screams of the eternally burning.
For all of my site seeing, I couldn’t find the rest of the Blue Ice Path, so I tried flying around and looking for a free Demon to bother for a moment. Sadly, there were none to be found, so I just landed on the ground and had a look around. There were plenty of things to see in the cubby-hole-like caves, such as people getting railed in the arse by long-cocked monsters, other people just getting whipped, and a few more getting beaten while trying to hide in a corner. The things people got beat with ranged from sticks and switches to belts and paddles to flails and morning stars. There were all manner of instruments being used to make people suffer, and I even got to step into an empty cove and have a seat for a little bit until a Demon stopped by with a new person to torture. Both the Demon and the person were naked, but the Demon was evidently supposed to resemble a little girl and the man she ‘escorted’ was wearing a collar of some sort. It was black and white, so I imagined that he was a Seeker of some sort, so I waved at my kin and addressed the little demon.
“Heya, would you happen-”
“No, I wouldn’t! This is my spot, Mister!” The little Demon huffed.
I nodded. “Yes it is, and I’ll leave in a moment if you’ll just tell me where to go.”
She glared at me and shoved her prisoner onto a table roughly before hopping up on it. “Look, guy, I don’t really wanna mince words, so I’ll give you some advice: If you wanna go up, fly. If you wanna go down, take the needles and the ice and you’ll have a straight shot down to the Pit. If you’re looking to die, then find your own hole!”
“Alright then. Fuck off and have a horrible torture session.” I gave her a wink.
She blushed and started mumbling to herself, which I found odd enough to be worthy of leaving over. I took her advice and started just flying up, but even as I flew higher and higher, I started to wonder if the passage of time just slowed and sped up whenever it felt like since I’d been flying for what seemed to be hours. To explain, it felt as though days were flying by as I fucked around in Hell, but I just never got more tired than I was. Never really got scared. Never really felt the compunction to do anything other than get to the highest floor that I could so I could hide and sleep forever and ever and ever…
As I continued to ascend, my own personal Hell started over and over, so I looked for another free Demon and found one smoking a tubular white thing with an orange end while blowing the smoke directly into its victim’s face. It wasn’t technically free, but it was doing something easy to work with, so I flew over to it and struck up a quick conversation about how to get to the next floor. The Demon assured me that I just had to keep going up, so I thanked it and kept going up. It was quite the long and arduous flight, or rather, it would’ve been if I could’ve felt the strain of the flight.
After I’d talked to a few more interesting characters, I decided to expend some Magic and break the sound barrier by shooting myself through an Air Gun for shits and giggles, but that nearly ended with me splattering myself into the bottom of Wrath and Sullenness. It took some doing and by that I do mean that it took what felt like eons to find a staircase to the next floor that didn’t have water sluicing down its steps with whatever spare body parts might happen to fancy a trip. The dryest stairwell by far seemed like my best bet, and lo’ and behold, it was actually pretty fun to walk through the river that had been the cause of the shittiness of the other steps. The staircase I had chosen was encased in some sort of clear material that had veins running through it, allowing me to see people pressed up against it in every shape and size, though they all looked like they were making the most of drowning.
The raging river ran on as I walked up the stairs, not really taking into account just how deep the damn river that I was climbing through was. By the time I realized that people were started to get less packed together, I was already able to see the top of the staircase. As with my flight,. I had no idea how long it took me to climb the stairs since it just took forever to climb them, and without a way of telling time, nothing seemed to make sense. An hour could have been a year for all I knew, and my growing apathy only made it harder to remember what I was doing in the first place. The longer I walked, the more I forgot until I appear on the bank of the river and had it all come back to me in bits and pieces as I searched for someone to lead me higher in Hell.
It took me a good while to find a stony, jagged looking fellow who was casually shoving people back into the river whenever they tried to crawl out of it, though when he spotted me, he just waved and came over. “Oi, gov’nah! Wotcha wanne taker, nah?”
I had no idea what in the bloody fuck he’d just said to me. “I beg your pardon?”
The Demon stopped closeby. “Arentcha here ta send me off?”
“Actually, I’m looking for a place to hibernate for awhile. I’m a few years overdue.”
“Ah, ainna shame that is. Bruvva thoughtcha gonne let ‘im wank for awhile.”
“I’d love to help you, but I think I might be dying.”
“Ooo, that’s rougher than a long shift, sure ‘nough. Whatcha wanne lookin’ fer inna hidey hole?”
“I’m just looking for something that will keep me safe until I wake up if that’s even an option. I thought I’d have better luck on a higher level.”
“Aye, truer words ye’ve yet to speak. Blue Ice Path picks up from the waterfall iffin’ ya wanne head up to Lust and try ta get ta Limbo.”
“I think I’ll try that. Would you happen to know which direction the river is flowing?” I asked politely.
‘He’ nodded. “Yer gonne wanne taker up this side. You’ll see the signs soon enough if ya manage ta get outta yer own little Purgatory.”
“Who knew that catching a nap would be so hard?” I sighed.
“Cheer up. At least ya ain’t one a’ the things in the river. Or summin’ lower.”
“Fair point. Have a good rest of your shift, friend.”
“Take ‘er easy, old timer.”
I waved him off and took off in the direction he’d nodded, assuming that I was supposed to go that way instead of the alternative. After walking for a bit, I decided to fly and actually sighted the path long in the distance. It was a little disheartening that I’d forgotten to ask how many more floors I still needed to. However, as soon as I thought of the next floor, I knew it to be Avarice and Prodigality for no apparent reason. I was looking forward to that floor since it meant that I was going to be extra fine and I even wondered if I could pick up a job there since I wasn’t doing anything else with my time other than sleeping. I tended to not like the greedy, and the suspense of figuring out what their punishments were was killing me, so I made steady progress to the next floor as fast as I could so I could see more than just one big ass river and some people drowning for once people getting tortured in stone chambers. Or people burning in a lake of fire. There were honestly a lot of different ways for people to get fucked up in Hell, which wasn’t surprising per se, so much as intimidating. One wrong move and a certain senile old Halfie would have an awfully bad time in Hell instead of the pleasant meandering that he’d been doing to date.
Once the Blue Ice Path became closer and closer, I allowed myself to speed up even further by clearing the air ahead of me and shooting forth through the vacuum since I apparently didn’t need to breathe either. The trip along the path flew by as I entered the next realm, shifting through a white wall to enter a room full of people with hooks, spikes, and other barbed instruments for which I have no name piercing their skin as they all reached for what I assumed they desired most. Gold bars were present, as well as mounds of food, water, wine, and plants. Some had ‘needles’ and strange combinations of substances that I didn’t know the names of, though I saw plenty of Helix Root addicts among the crows and massives taproots as their prizes.
Most post the people were trying with far too many hopes of reaching their goal, making their punishments dig deeper into their skin and rip at it further. Some succeeded in getting free and consumed as much of their prize as they could before a nearby Demon let them heal and skewered them all over again to let them try and get back to their addictions. It was pretty brutal, and the land was rather flat all the way around, so I got to stop soon and ask a Demon for directions. As you might have noticed, Demons aren’t actually all that bad when you’re one of them, and it wasn’t even terribly difficult to make friends as long as you were willing to be polite. The Demon I stopped to talk to this time offered me a pack of ‘smokes’ and a flask of liquor as long as I promised to watch his torturee for a few minutes while he went to go take a leak on someone’s ‘heroine’ or something like that. I agreed, and that’s how I learned that tobacco tastes good, but feels really bad when you’re not used to it. I only smoked two ‘smokes’, but I drank a few sips out of the flask in the few hours it took for the Demon guy to come back. I’d had to skewer his prisoner during the little break, and that actually wasn’t half bad. Just a little bit of aggressive poking was all.
When the Demon came back, he told me that I’d pierced too deeply into the prisoner's skin and that he was going to be bored for a dozen years while waiting for the Human to rip itself free and go get it’s prize. I was all for watching and waiting with him, which is how I ended up smoking my first cigar. We sat and blew through it relatively quickly since my new friend was a big fellow, but he also had a never-ending supply of whatever he wantedc since he could just dig the barbs a little deeper into the Human and walk off to go get whatever he wanted. He tried to convince me to try Helix Root and the heroine he mentioned earlier, but I told him that my vice was being generous and he understood it since he liked to give things away toio. Oddly enough, he liked giving stolen things away, which I definitely appreciated due to my own shady history.
After his prisoner freed itself again, we let it consume as much of the powdery substance as it liked before Grognar stuck it with the skewers all over again and watched some more while the damned thing struggled to get another dose of its escape. I ended up leaving with a pack of ‘menthols’, a can of ‘dip’, a can of ‘beer’ that tasted like piss, a lighter, and a bracelet that turned into a ‘bowl’ so I could smoke the herbs he gave me whenever I wanted. I ended up swooping down after we said our goodbyes to get a backpack, a purse, and a satchel so I could fill them all with goodies before taking off again. I ended up grabbing a lot of weed, a little bit more alcohol, and some stuff that a Demon convinced me to grab called ‘Devil’s Ear’, which was a drug that made Demons hear what the main two Devils were talking about.
When I reached the edge of Avarice, I decided to smoke a little Devil’s Ear to see what all the hype was about and to get a glimpse of why so many Demons were laughing whenever they smoked it. I packed my bracelet bowl and lit it with some of my own fire, the smoke feeling like I was having another Satyr crammed down my throat as I inhaled. That is to say, it felt like I had to swallow the smoke, but when I did, the results were fun.
“What do you mean there’s no more tea!?” A female Avalesch voice shouted in my ear. “We bloody stock up on tea for bloody eons and you’re telling me that there’s none!?”
“I-I’m sorry Miss Satan-” A gruff Demon squeaked.
“Don’t be sorry! I want my bloody flaming tea!!!”
“Yes ma’am, right away ma’am.” I heard him scurry off.
There was a light, cushioned impact that I assumed was Ms. Satan falling into a chair as she muttered and mumbled to herself about tea, to which I commented, “Woman sure does love her tea.”
“What the- Bloody Urgh!!! How many times do I have to tell you fucks to stop smoking Devil’s Ear!?!?”
“Once more oughtta do the trick, I believe. I’ve only done it this one time.”
“Well stop!”
“Yes ma’am, Miss Satan. I’ll be sure to stop eavesdropping on you as soon as you give me a good place to take a nap.”
“Hibernation coming up?”
“Eeyup.”
“What floor are you on?”
“Avarice, ma’am.”
“Hmm… Respectful, I like that. Head on up to Lust and I’ll send an aspect to meet you there. You sound cute.”
“I’m an old Halfie.”
“Cute and rare. Momma likey~”
“How old are you again?”
“Age is just a number~ I’ll see you on Lust, big boy.”
“See you soon, cougar.”
“Meeeoww~”
With the disturbing mental image of an uglier Dissida with a tea addiction riding my meat in my mind, I decided to take my time in climbing the Blue Ice Path up from Avarice to Gluttony, though I wondered if my recent acquisitions in the field of drugs and paraphernalia was going to make life suck for me. I figured that it wouldn’t and continued flying up the path for as long as I felt like it because what else was I going to do? After clearing Gluttony, I would be on Lust and I would also be in the hands of Miss Satan herself without any tea on me. Before I could fly all the way up the Blue Ice Path, I turned tail at supersonic speeds and went back for some Jazzmina Lily Pearl tea that smelled divine. Once I had my gift, I shot back away from Avarice and arrived in Gluttony in record time, a giant scoreboard signaling my ascent with a record time of seven years and nine months, which was weird since it hadn’t felt anywhere near that long. I chalked it up to Hell being Hell and looked around when I got to Gluttony, the sheer size of everything within making me a little uncomfortable.
There were people and aliens present who were all too large to move on their own, and there were even more Demons that were twice their size, just rolling them around on the open ground where there was glass, nails, and assorted other sharp things for them to be slopped on while some tried to get up and other just laid there and took it. With the feeling of being the thinnest person in a place the size of its own country, I was feeling like flying more than walking, just in case I got crushed by one of the Jelly Giants while they were rolling around. After getting up into the air, I looked around for a sign of some sort and had to go back down and land on a giant Demon’s shoulder to grab some quick directions. I ended up giving him a large nug of weed as a thank you and let him smoke it with my bowl, after which I took my happy arse over to the nearest bigger Demon and had him point the Blue Ice Path out to me far out in the distance. It was going to be another long flight for me, but it’s not like I was tired or anything, thus making the statement neither here nor there. I honestly just wanted to hurry up and meet Ms. Satan so I could see what the ruler of Hell was like in person.
It took me a good amount of time to get over to the path again, but there were definitely worse ways to travel in my eyes. For instance, I could have had to walk the journey instead of flying really fast, and I could have had to do it sober on top of all that. As it was, the Blue Ice Path was still pretty far from where I’d started, and it was hard to get my bearings since there were few landmarks to keep me going in the right directions. Still, I managed to fly over a bunch of lardarses as they larded all over the place, their lard leaking from them in goop and globs as they were sliced open, stiched up, and force-fed to keep them fat and rollable. Once I got to the path and saw people walking and crawling down, I flew on past them without a care in the world until I got into the pink and purple nightmare that was Lust itself.
Now, the rest of the floors had all been interesting in their own right, but they’d all been rather plain save for the torture going on. Sadly, in lust, there was a lot of creative torture going on, and much of that torture was sexual in nature. I saw a lot of tiny Humans (Not Children, just shrunken adults) getting reamed out by giant-dicked Demons, a few of them were being broken to death with sex, and a few m0ore were being suffocated and inflated, but I really wasn’t worried about joining any of them since Lust was never my sin. Wrath, perhaps, but not Lust. Anyway, I decided to fly around and ask if anyone had seen Ms. Satan lately, and I got pointed into all different kinds of awkward scenarios, like this one where a female Demon kept biting off this one fellow's rod with her quim. It was awfully off-putting, but I needed directions and she seemed to have them.
The Demoness told me to head toward the center of Lust if I wanted to meet the Queen of Hell, and she told me to head to the outskirts if I was looking for a long nap or something since it was evidently getting obvious that I was looking for a place to hibernate. I struck her up on a deal to just go and sleep for a little bit after smoking a bit more of the Devil’s Ear to get Ms. Satan’s attention. Once I had her ear, she told me that I was to avoid sleeping at all costs for the next five minutes, and before I could even finish blinking, I was standing in front of a woman whose beauty… I mean…
It was like getting an erection at the Queen of Hell is what it was like. Never before had I faced such a ruthless, uncaring individual who sought nothing more than her own pleasure and gain. Never before had I ever laid eyes on a woman so demonically beautiful that I worried for my marriage just from the sight of her. I’[d been infatuated with Kauku because of her sheer beauty and little else, but even while I recognized that the new face was her rival in many evil ways, I couldn’t help but feel fear for myself while I was in front of her. The aura she exuded was nearly impossible to cast aside, and the feeling of being caught red-handed made me want to empty my non-full bowels and just run as far and as fast as I could. Hell, I’d even forgotten to keep myself in the air when I came before the Queen of Hell, which made her let loose a sadistic laugh that was like a funeral dirge to my ears. It felt like the last song I would ever hear until the pressure of the Queen’s presence eased and allowed me to breathe more easily.
“Oh, I love it when we fliers get grounded by a particularly strong aura! It’s always fun to see you guys hit the f;oor!” The Queen giggled, smiling at me amusedly.
I got back to my feet and flipped her off out of reflex. When I saw her raised brow, I put my hand down and said, “You did that on purpose.”
“Yes, and?”
“Aren’t you a Demon?”
“Like a rectangular square, I suppose.”
“Sure, okay. What did you want to meet me for?”
“Well, Halfie cock is usually pretty good for the size, and I don’t feel like starting a long term relationship. You’re probably about to die soon, so I can just meet n’ fuck you and we can go our separate ways. How’s that sound?”:
“Sounds like fucking the Queen of Hell comes with pitfalls aplenty.”
She gave me a sick smile. “They don’t matter too much to me, so why should they matter to you?”
“Because I don’t want to sleep with you in the first place, and in the second, more private place, I don’t stick my rod into people that scare me.”
“Oh, I’m not scary~ I haven’t tortured a soul since before you tricked Dissida!” Her smile turned more impish than teasing, and it was a cute smile. Cute like a skunk.
“How would you know-”
“Oh, I just love Dissy! She’s such a treat whenever you want to go skull-bowling or cherry-picking. Really now, you should just marry her and go to her realm, Garrison.” The Queen of Hell advised me.
“... Sure, I can do that. She’d probably be happy to hear the news.”
She looked surprised. “Wait, are you seriously Kaid Cosantoir?”
“No, why?”
“Oh, I thought you were being serious for a moment. If you were, you were about to have to go down to the pit, though you’d still be there if you actually were that poor bastard.” She clicked her tongue, hung her head, and shook it for a few seconds. “That guy’s slated to be here until after I pass the throne along to my successor. Kauku’s really boning that guy for no good reason.”
“What did he even do to piss Kauku of all people off?”
“He was supposed to be a Chosen, but apparently he killed himself to avoid killing his wife or his soulmate.”
I blinked. “He didn’t marry his soulmate?”
“No, but it was a very near miss, from what I’ve heard through my digging. Apparently before that assjack Max took him from Terra, he was just about to meet his sweetheart and get his happily ever after going. It’s really a sad story among sad stories, and you know how many there are down here.”
My heart cracked a little as I wondered about my life and what it could have been. Who it dcould have been with. What I could hyave had. I could’ve had so much and been set for the rest of my life with my savings, but nooo, Max just had to fuck me over-
Ω Sorry, Mate… Ω
✮ That’s kinda… Inadequate. ✮
Ω Yeah, well, it’s the best I’ve got at the moment. Ω
Fine. While I soaked in a bit of misery for a moment, I shrugged and said, “Everyone’s got their heartache and heartbreak. Guy’s apparently got it rough, but if you’re thinking I’m him, then apparently he’s getting off pretty easy.”
“I wouldn’t say that. Even if he’s not being tortured in Hell, he still has to live here almost as long as I have. The guy’s got billions upon trillions of years to deal with Kauku’s bullshit and I doubt that it’s going to get any easier anytime soon.” She shrugged herself. “I’d rather keep him as my own personal pet for awhile, but it is what it is.”
“If I wasn’t trying to hibernate, I’d offer to be your pet for a year or two, just to see what you’d do with me.”
“Oh, you don’t have to offer, I can just make you my pet. It would keep you alive a lot longer.”
“... I’m none to keen on dying. What’s in it for me other than staying alive?”
“Well, you get to have sex with me whenever I want, you get to kiss my toes, and you can even use my lap as a pillow while I use your head as a saucer for my tea. How does that sound?”
“It actually sounds like you plan on using me more as a tool than as a pet.”
“And what a tool you’ll be! It’s decided! What’s your name, new pet?”
“Um… I haven’t been asked my name in a very long time.”
“Does that mean I can call you Alistair?”
“Sure, I guess.”
She clapped her hands and patted her lap. “Good boy! Come now, and give me some of that tea you brought with you. I can already smell it from here~”
I raised a brow and unshouldered my purse full of weed and tea. “You can technically use all of that to make tea.”
“Good boy! Now comer give Momma Satan kisses!”
I gave her a look as I walked over. “Do you want me to lick you or something?”
As I came closer ,I could see that many of her teeth were pointed. “However you’d like to kiss me is how I’ll treat you~”
I decided to stay true to my wife, whose name I’d forgotten dozens of years ago as I smooched Satan’s cheek over and over again, making her giggle as I relentlessly peppered her face in little kisses until she pushed me away. From there, she grew into a veritable giant, picked my up, and sat me on her shoulder as she got up from her seat and wandered away from the center of Lust. I wondered what I’d just gotten myself into as I held onto one of Ms. Satan’s horns for dear life since she had very feminine shoulders that sloped downward She eventually just let me ride on the top of her head as we walked around, and when she spread her wings to fly, it was far more fun that when I did it. I’d never been a passenger while flying and I had to say that the experience was worth going to Hell for as long as you didn’t get tortured along the way for the trip.
Sadly as the flight grew long, I fell asleep on Satan’s head since I was sitting down for the first time in forever, and what a glorious nap it was. Even as I flitted in and out of consciousness, I saw that the palace we were heading toward was big and black, though that was about it. Other than that, I was just about out cold when we arrived, and Ms. Satan was kind enough to wake me up by dropping me into her cleavage, which was a fun place to be. I kicked back and tried not to hurt or scratch her as we entered the the abysmally black structure, but when we came inside, there were no real telltale signs of us being in Hell.
Honestly the decor was tasteful in muted shades of grey and a few blues and purples, but there wasn’t much else going on color-wise from what I could see in the structure. As far as the decorations, there were plenty of pictures of Satans past that had left their mark on the scene in their own right while their were also impressive, very lifelike busts of each of them. The artistry and craftsmanship in both pieces was fantastic for each King or Queen of Hell, and the current Queen was all too happy to mention how hers was going to be the best yet since you could make tea with it. I didn’t see how that would make it better, but I wasn’t terribly worried about it.
When we got to the place that the Queen evidently wanted to go, she graciously woke me all the way up by throwing me at her throne at a speed so ridiculous, I barely managed to spread my wings or slow down. Both happened, but both resulted in me still hitting the throne rather hard for my tastes. Just as soon as the adrenaline had woken me up, a big stone chair had knocked me right back out, and there was little I could do about it.
