//------------------------------// // Ch.25: Courage or Cowardice // Story: Tapestry: A World Apart // by Star Scraper //------------------------------// Governor Spectrum stared at the flag hanging on the wall of her quarters. Nightgale had left awhile ago. She hadn't as much as looked at him when he reported the prisoner was alive, and left. As she stared at the flag, the buzzing in her head began to soften. I know what has to be done. No more indecision. This war with myself is over. I know what the right thing to do is – I just need to decide to do it. She could hear the hymns and anthem of The Order in her mind as she stared at the flag. Forever united, together we stand. Against the darkness, with the heart of the land. On the blood of our fathers, to protect our sons This war we'll fight, to bring back our sun. I owe it to him. I'll do it. And if I'm too weak to do it, I'll kill myself, instead, so a stronger governor can take my place, and end my own suffering. But that's not an option. If I'm not here, and I'm not strong enough to kill any creature – pony or unicorn – that stands in my way, then what chance does Sunfeather stand? If not for myself, or all of ponykind, or to spite Icewind, I have to do it so I can be strong to protect Sunfeather. She went to her nightstand and produced a pistol, strapping it on with a fireglove, meant to shield her hoof from the muzzle blast of the gun firing next to it. Her heart raced as she finished putting it on, her mind made. She still felt some of the dizziness from the drink – she felt a tinge of doubt. She was an alicorn, wasn't she? Isn't that significant? All those lies the Ceruleans tell about alicorns... No. I've made up my mind. We will stand united against the dark! All of ponykind depends on strong leaders! I must be strong! Or all life will cease! I will be loyal to my sworn cause! It must be true – too many have died for this great cause, for it just to be some lie! She entered the rearmost train car alone. Nopony was in there – except for an alicorn in a box. Part of her hoped the mare wasn't still alive. Maybe the blankets weren't enough – or they were too much – or the airholes were too small or too big and she suffocated or froze – but Nightgale had checked on her earlier and she was still alive. Maybe she wet herself more than the towel could take, got the wool blankets wet and froze to death. With how many hours it's been that's sure to have happened! Yes. Unless Nightgale changed her with some other rag she'll probably have frozen to death by now and I won't have to do anything, she hoped. She walked forward in her nightgown. It was cold, but she didn't anticipate being in the unheated car for very long. This will be quick and painless for both of us. Then it's back to my warm car for me. And back to my seat of power. The same life I've lived until now – the same life I'll take back. This is the only sane thing to do. It's time to grow up and be like all the other Vanguard officers. The cold metal floor was hard against her bare hooves. The clanking of the train rolling over the tracks beat like the steady, tense drumbeat of an execution. It felt as though it took far longer to cross the traincar than it had any right to. The cold was already biting, but not yet numb – yet she didn't feel it. Her eyes were wide as she looked down to the coffin-sized box. She could see her breath. She simply stood in front of it, her heart pounding in her ears. The buzzing in her head was again growing harsh. After a minute that was agonizing for both of them, she finally opened the box. The entire body was covered, not even a face was visible – but the blankets shifted. They steadily rose and fell with the alicorn's breath. I'll just wait – no! Another side of her mind barked back. Kill her now! You cannot wait! If you don't do it now you won't ever do it! But I can just wait – all I have to do is not take care of her and she'll die. I won't have – Don't be such a damn coward! Either have the guts to finish her off now, quickly and painlessly, or don't do it at all! Don't just leave her here to die! Make a choice. I'm either a governor, or a coward. Pick one! No more languishing in-between the two, no more constant internal turmoil! And I've picked one – it's her time to die! But – if she's already dead I won't have to – despite seeing the rising and falling of the blankets, some part of her somehow doubted; she couldn't even hear the breathing over her own panic, so she pulled the top of the blanket down. The winged unicorn muttered something through her gag. The question was impossible to understand, but her eyes weren't. She was scared, but almost more curious than afraid. The governor readied the pistol, then raised it at the prisoner's head. The alicorn's eyes met it – and immediately she clenched them shut, then looked away, wriggling helplessly in her bonds amidst more muffled protests. “I – I have to. For this winter to end, I have to,” the governor told herself. Or is this why the winter is raging? She again doubted. “I know what Icewind is like. She'll kill me if I don't do this. Maybe she'll kill me if I do, too – but I have to. I'm a governor, after all – ponykind is depending on me to keep them alive! Sunfeather is depending on me to be strong! I have to be! I have to be there for her! For all of ponykind!” The alicorn stopped struggling, then looked back at her. The eyes spoke with their expression. She could tell what the creature was thinking. But kill me? “I-I have to be strong enough to do this!” she yelled. “This is the moment I decide who I am! I will be the strong governor the world needs! Icewind can kill ponies herself without flinching! She doesn't have my weaknesses, that's why she's winning – I have to get this weakness out of me! This damned, sick sympathy!” She stomped the forehoof she stood on. “I can't have sympathy for the forces of EVIL!” The alicorn's look turned pitiful. But Spectrum wasn't sure who she was pitying. “They don't care like I do! They could kill a dozen ponies with their hooves and laugh! I'm – I'm not like that, but that's who I have to be to win this – to beat Icewind and this winter! You're just some dumb unicorn – so what if you're an alicorn – this – this isn't about the winter, this isn't about The Order, this is about power! That's why they win because they know that! They wouldn't care about you, I don't care about you!” Her hoof was shaking. Her aim was darting around the unicorn's head. The look was judgmental now. Amidst the governor's own crying, Twilight's own cheeks were also wet, yet her expression was calm and strong. Will you do it? Will you really do it? Who are you, Full Spectrum? Who will I decide to be? I know this might be why the winter is happening. I became governor to end the winter. But what if I'm causing it? I've read their book. The Ceruleans say – she cut off her own thoughts. “Why can't I do this!? I've seen hundreds of ponies strangled! Hundreds more necks snapped – I sat silently by when I could've pardoned them, and I didn't! I've killed more ponies than you can count, so why can't I just kill you!? Icewind could! She would never have had a second thought! Neither would Nightgale, or especially Hurricane himself, or Major Fire, or any other senior officer!” She sat down, raised her other hoof started squeezing the trigger. “They'd never doubt themselves, they'd just – just -!” A loud bang shook her world. The little ring of an empty shell casing landing on the metal floor echoed in the car. She could only hear her own wild breaths. The shot was so sudden she'd flinched and shut her tear-soaked eyes. Yet she could smell the gunpowder. She stood, quaking and shivering, listening to the clanking of the train. Finally, after what felt like a painful minute of silence, she opened her eyes, and rubbed them dry. There was a clear mark on the outside of the box where the bullet had ricocheted away somewhere. Twilight was still breathing, and there was no bloodstain on the blankets. She ripped the pistol off, fell on the ground and cried. After several minutes, she was too cold to sit any longer. She stood up, looking again at Twilight. You caused all this. You're... No, you didn't. You're just part of it. Unwillingly dragged into it. I caused all this. Icewind is responsible for her own actions. She won't pay for them, though. We will... “Because I wasn't strong enough. Everything I've lived and worked for will fall apart because I can't make myself kill you...” she muttered to herself. Her gaze fell to the floor. “But I'm not even sure killing you would solve my problems. It probably wouldn't. But we'll both die, anyways, so what does it matter? What does it matter what I do at this point?...” She looked back up at Twilight. “If I cut you free, will you save me from all this? Nightgale will do what he can, but... even if I survive this damn conference, I won't live for much longer like this. I'm not vicious enough to survive in this office. Not without Veil, and she's gone now. If I save your life, will you save mine? I need a unicorn. You're not nearly as powerful as Veil, but maybe you can still help me out somehow... For some reason...” Her ears went limp on the sides of her head. Twilight nodded. “Mhmm” was easy enough to understand despite the gag. “Did you enchant any of your body parts or something – oh, nevermind that. If you did, you can get us out, and if you didn't, then big deal, you look weak enough that I can handle you...” She slid a hoof behind Twilight's back, then slid her up so she sat against a stack of crates behind her. She set to work releasing her bonds from the top down. “Ah,” Twilight sighed with relief, her mouth finally free of the gag again. “What – what happened? Is that it, then? I – is this -...” she was too afraid to ask whatever it was she was wondering. “I don't know if you're free for good or not,” Spectrum frankly answered as she worked on the rest of her binding. “We're on a train that's probably going to get bombed by its own escorts or something. Brigadier General Icewind has some plot against me, I believe. But I was too much a coward to have her executed on mere suspicion of it. So, because of my own incompetence, we'll both be killed by her...” she glanced at the pistol again, then shook her head. “But I know I've failed. I'm not strong enough to kill you.” “Strong enough!? That's total nonsense! What's 'strong' about killing somepony!?” she yelled. Spectrum answered with a subdued, beaten voice. “Resolve. Will. To push through the fear of ending another life. Not that I'm even innocent of that...” She finally freed Twilight's forelegs. Twilight immediately leaned forward with her forelimbs wide – Full Spectrum flinched in fear before realizing it was not some pin, attack or hold – but a hug. “I – I know you're strong, but you're not evil! I'm just so happy you finally came to your senses!” “Came to my senses, huh?...” she echoed with disbelief. There was genuine excitement in the alicorn's voice. “Yes! You realized that there's something stronger than being a murderer – you chose friendship over your own power! And what you get instead is the greatest power of all! Maybe this world isn't so terrible, after all!” Spectrum was bitterly, painfully cold by now. Part of her wanted to throw this ridiculous alicorn-unicorn thing off of her and rush back to her warm car – another part wanted to enjoy the warm hug awhile longer. It was more than her body that wanted the warmth. It reminded her of Sunfeather. But it didn't excuse her madness. “What the heck are you going on about? How does this help us survive?” she asked. “The magic of friendship! You – you came through for me! You talked about how to end the winter and what you said was wrong – the way to end the winter is by defeating the Windigos with friendship! But uh...” She pulled out of the hug and shivered. “Getting somewhere warm would be a good start...” Spectrum's shivers started to slow her work of unbelting the straps on Twilight's back legs, “You said you'd rescue me. So what's your plan? You haven't used any stored enchantments yet. Do you even have any?” “This would... This would be a breeze if I had my magic...” she lamented, struggling with the knots holding on the loincloth she sat in. “Well, you don't have a horn anymore. There's nothing I can do about that...” I'm glad she doesn't seem to realize I'm the reason for that. But it should be obvious, shouldn't it? There was an uncomfortable silence as she finished her work with the straps, then looked up to find Twilight was staring off beyond the walls of the car, her garment still on her. Her eyes were disturbed - the shock was visible, but hard to say what of many things she was currently being haunted by. “I'm not taking that towel off of you. You can follow me to my car when you've got it off. Then you can wash up in my bathroom,” the governor said, standing up and taking a few steps towards the door. Twilight's eyes sparked back to attention, looked at Spectrum, then down at her own waist. “Oh, I – I can do this real quick, I just...” she struggled with the knots again. “I just...” the pitiful sorrow rose in her voice. The governor watched, sighed, and despite her intense shivering, walked back to where her released prisoner sat, looking down at her clumsy attempts to use her hooves. “Here.” She reached in and untied one side. “No, no, I can-...” despite her protests, she simply stopped and let Spectrum work. And she untied the other, then briskly trotted back to the door. Twilight sprang up after her, “I – I could've done it, but -” “You can't even get your own diaper off when you're untied without your magic. Why should I believe you can save me?” She didn't slow down as she opened the door and walked into the next train car. Twilight ran to follow close behind, her voice indignant, “I – I never got very good with my forehooves, okay!? I never needed to. I've been -...” her tone slowed down, “I've been the best wizard I've known since I was a foal. By the time I needed to use my hooves I was far better with telekinesis...” “Well that's over, now – at least close the doors behind you, don't let all this warm air out,” she called back as she went through a second door. Twilight complied – the sharp, biting cold driving her out of her thoughts and forward. After going through a machinery room and into the carpeted luxury car, the governor flipped a switch next to her bed then got into it, looking back at the naked, shivering alicorn. “Go clean up in the bathroom,” she nodded her head towards a door, “I'll warm up in here, then you can get some clothes on and we can talk.” She rolled around, facing away from her guest with a hard shiver. “I don't want to see you until you're washed and at least in some underwear. Try not to take too long. We could both die at any moment, and I'd hate to die without getting to at least talk to a unicorn first. Especially if she's actually an alicorn...” The wind howled outside the tent. Sergeant Courageous Fate lay awake in his sleeping bag. He had lost track of time, laying there, still. Whether it was hours, or minutes, it was always hard to tell, but it felt like an eternity that he lay, eyes closed, inviting rest and sleep, and both unwilling to come. We have orders, we must follow them. I must lead these ponies. This is the only way we'll be getting back to the Victoria. Then back to Bastion. That crazy unicorn. Maybe I should've left her. Our food supplies will be strained and already we'll be out of sleeping bags. And the tent is getting packed. ...But I'm glad I carried her. We've all agreed to put our lives on the line – she hasn't. I'd rather die as someone that tried to carry her than live to be the coward that let an innocent mare die to save my own hide. I'd never dishonor this team by putting such a cowardly bloodstain on all of us. Still... Is this a mission they should come on? Snowglade is so young. Such stupid, special circumstances she got in with. Why did she have to be so talented as to end up on this surveillance team? She'd be much safer as a crewmare back on the Victoria... He mentally sighed. But the risk to their lives is worth it. I must never forget what must be done. One day we will achieve victory, and The Vanguard's unicorn hunts will be over forever. But still... The memories flooded back with unwelcomed clarity. The ambush. The firefight. Waking up, and finding bloodied ice, and fourteen dead Order soldiers. His squad had fought valiantly, but against such numbers, it wasn't enough. Iron “Lucky” Star, a passionate and gifted demolitions and electronics expert. He had talked about how he'd get to smelting and metallurgy when his service was over, how he'd continue the family tradition, and turn it into a large company. He was never content to be anything but the best, and despite his younger sister being a cripple, he was always proud of her. But now, he laid still in crimson ice, the cerulean sun patch torn from his uniform; doubtlessly some soldier had taken it as a trophy. Lucky had been true to his name, he was spared the fate his squadmates had met. Firelight, the eager-to-please and hardworking unicorn colt had been captured alive. He was full of promise, yet doubtlessly The Order would torture him before publicly executing him in their brutal, “Spectacular” manner, and later it was confirmed, and reported that he had disappointed the crowds by dying too easily, too quickly. He was so ambitious, yet his small frame had been something less than herculean. Morning Song, the ever-kind, ever-quiet unicorn medic from the abbey, he'd learned little about. She didn't talk much, and had been nothing less than an angel to everypony around her. Somehow, fate had been kinder to her, and she was executed by The Vanguard more traditionally at the Rocky Ridge military base, despite being a unicorn. Almost as though there was some ounce of pity in the Vanguard's soul for a young mare as kind as she had always been. All of them had served heroically to the end, but one was left. He wanted to sink lower into the sleeping bag and blankets – to hide under the ice sheets. But the feeling went away as he remembered – the only way to redemption was forward. I'll kill ten Vanguard thugs for every member of that team I lost... He saw again in his mind the interview back in the office in Bastion days later. The cold, ill-lit room, the desk his commanding officer sat behind, the calender turned to July 21st, 998, two days behind the actual date, July 23rd. The bookcase stocked with papers and folders, the two windows on the left with the shutters open, the little stain on the wall behind the officer, a steel-blue stallion with a silver mane. He remembered the look of concern and confusion he had as he spoke; “...The medical ward isn't sure about your ability to remain in action, but their conclusion on your fitness to serve comes down to a self-evaluation – which really means you have a choice. Just say the word, Sergeant, and your tour of service is finished. You have a chance to honorably leave now. Most ponies would be thrilled for the opportunity you're being offered, and nobody would blame you after what you've been through. Your service has been invaluable, and you already have plenty of stories to tell. You'll be greatly respected even if you go back to a comfortable life now.” "Leave? I can't leave. I can't rest. Leave and do what? Become a baker? I have to fight for them. Everbody dies some day, and the only way I can die at peace is if I die how I should've - in combat, alongside them. I would rather that than whither away in old age...” “That's a piss-poor self-evaluation, sergeant – but for the sake of your record, I'll give you a chance to tell me what's wrong with it,” he'd prompted. “I don't intend to just let them kill me, sir. I intend to make them die for their cause, not let them make me die for mine.” The only reason I'm still here is because I know they're desperate for as many of us as possible. What happened wasn't my fault, but at the same time, it is a stain on my record. But they'll let even stained sergeants lead missions here. They need experience-hardened experts, not colts who've never stared death in the eye. And I'll be damned if I haven't done some amazing things before... But with missions this risky, one day I won't return. Only then can I join them again. They're the lucky ones, probably basking in a summer sun somewhere peaceful right now. I can't ever forget them. I will never know peace until I've died for their cause, as I should have so long ago. I must honor them, and live and die in apology that I lived, and they died. It's only fitting that I should die as they did. I owe it to them. But not today. Not with them needing me. His mind wandered back to their explosive charges. New technology – specially designed to pierce thick armor like butter. This stunt will be hell to pull off, and so many things can go wrong. But we've got a train to catch.