//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: Princess Twilight Sparkle and the Fortress of Egress // by kudzuhaiku //------------------------------// There were no songs, no revelry. What little laughter there was felt unwholesome, sarcastic, insincere. There was no sense that the stygian darkness all around them was being conquered, only held back, and only barely. Even Shining Armor was not the pony that Twilight expected. He was ever the stoic soldier, sure, but he seemed far too comfortable, too accepting of everything happening. Twilight was surrounded by ponies that she loved, that she cared for, ponies that were very dear to her—but she detested them as adventuring companions. Celestia had brief moments of warmth and sincerity, but clouds of sarcasm and cold cynicism turned Celestia’s sunny disposition a bit overcast. It occured to Twilight that her friends were seasoned adventurers; ponies who adventured and made the most of it. Her current companions however, were also seasoned adventurers. But more than that, they were hardened killers. Callous souls left scarred, jaded, deadened by the lives they had taken. Celestia had lived for a mighty long time—and had survived the worst parts of history. Dim had introduced a new type of war to the world when he brought peace to the Midreach and destroyed Menagerie. As for Shining Armor, he led armies, and regularly consigned some of Equestria’s best and brightest to a grim fate, all to secure some shore or hill. Twilight wasn’t sure if she belonged here with these ponies—Celestia most of all. It was a hard realisation to stomach. Twilight marched shoulder to shoulder with her brother, just behind Celestia, who led the way while Dim was behind them, coughing, always coughing or wheezing, each laboured breath a struggle. Twilight concluded that she was a fairweather adventurer, who prefered companions at their best and brightest—not their darkest and dingiest. She thought of her trip to Castle Midnight with Starlight, Trixie, and Sumac. That had gone less than perfectly, with Starlight and Trixie making everything worse. So much snark and derision. Starlight and Trixie would do well with this group, Twilight realised, and that made her feel sad. She wanted to believe that Starlight and Trixie were better ponies—they were better ponies—but given the right circumstances, their worst aspects returned in force. They were consummate survivors, all too familiar with the mantra of survival at any cost. “Dim, are you okay back there?” Celestia asked whilst she forged ahead. “Some disgusting primitive drank my refreshing drink,” Dim wheezed in response. Twilight cringed so hard that her stomach muscles cramped. Celestia halted with no warning. “Oh no… we’ve come to a place where I hoped we would not.” The hallway… was made of meat. Just beyond the archway, the hallway of glistening muscle could be seen. Meat, sinew, and tendon. A yellow eye rolled around in its socket and came to focus on Twilight. The doors visible in the island of light were not doors at all, but sphincters. Mouths perhaps. Maws. Though one in particular looked a bit like a slicked, shiny anus. Meat that lacked the polite sociable attire of skin. Rude meat, adorned with unspeakable nudity. Inconsiderate, rude meat that did dare to go bare; Twilight could not abide such meat. Twilight retreated, driven back by the anus door, which seemed to clench in anticipation. She bumped into Celestia, and the two mares whinnied together. Celestia wickered, a deep, bellowing rumble, and Twilight whinnied in response. This exchange continued, as all speech seemed to have departed from them, and they were now dumb beasts with a shared disgust of nude meat. “Do not dare to look at me in such a manner,” Dim said to the rolling, lolling eye. “I shall pluck you out if you offend me.” “The last time I saw something like this, Skyla was tearing her way out of her mother.” Twilight squeezed her eyes shut and did battle against her rising gorge. “I’ve seen spiders that spun webs… made of meat,” Dim remarked. “This is not my first hallway made of meat.” “That’s not a nice thing to say about Blackbird, Dim.” Shining Armor’s casual deadpan caused the vizard to turn away from the baleful eye. Twilight was too distracted to be disgusted. “A series of dungeon dimensions.” Celestia’s voice was mostly steady, but held a hint of unsettled revulsion. “Once, they came to our world. I couldn’t close the rift, so I had to come here, fight my way through this place, and close the tear in reality from the other side. I started with an army, and went home woefully alone.” “And beyond these doors,” Dim said to Celestia after turning away from Shining Armor. “These worlds, are they made of meat?” “With scabbed over oceans of blood.” Reaching out with one wing, Celestia pulled Twilight closer. “The denizens of these worlds are unspeakable horrors. Worse than demons.” Metal clattered against metal as Celestia shivered against Twilight. “Well, time to earn my salt.” Shining Armor began to stretch and flex his legs in preparation for the grisly task to come. “It’s gonna squish when I walk on it, ain’t it? Will it feel pain?” Just as Shining Armor asked his question, several things happened all at once. A creature made of meat and eyeballs was pooted out from the glistening anus door. Twilight stared at it in abject horror, as if she had just witnessed the miracle of birth. A long ribbon of slimy, stringy mucus connected the excessively eyeballed horror to the still-clenching sphincter like an umbilical tether. “That’s an eye tyrant,” Dim said in a voice of remarkable calm. “We’re doomed.” Twilight found herself snatched—lifted—and held out in front of Celestia. An eyeblink later, Dim was beside her, mere inches away, so close that the brim of his hat brushed up against her helmet. At first, Twilight, confused, feared that she was to be used as a shield, but that wasn’t what happened at all. As had happened once before, Twilight’s horn fired percussive, explosive blasts, and beside her, Dim unleashed a blinding torrent of flame. Then, the weirdest thing happened: Twilight heard Celestia singing. “Shoot to thrill, play to kill! I got my gun at the ready, gonna fire at will! 'Cause I shoot to thrill, and I'm ready to kill! I can't get enough, I can't get the thrill! I shoot to thrill, play to kill!” The beholder did not last long against the onslaught of magical blasts, flame, and Celestia’s rowdy bellowing. Eyes popped, meat ignited, and writhing tentacles waggled in pain. Twilight couldn’t process everything that was happening, nor could she understand how Celestia was holding her up, seeing as how her armor made her magically slippery. “What was that?” Twilight demanded as her hooves touched the ground. “Twilight, look around you. Do you see these doors? You are not the only one to have been to other worlds—” “Forget the song!” Twilight snapped, all of her frustrations frothing over. “You just… used me!” She stomped her armored hoof against the seemingly stone floor as fire burned in the hallway made of meat. “I am not a gun!” Something about the stench of burning meat made Twilight’s rage all the worse. Dim too, was set down, and the vizard took a moment to collect himself before looking up at Celestia. The beholder, little more than lumps of charcoal at this point, was no longer a concern. As fire consumed the hallway, the living doors clenched and puckered, trying to escape the cleansing flames. “I am not a gun,” Twilight repeated. Celestia’s face, hidden and secured behind her helmet, was unreadable. Twilight’s growing fury felt insurmountable, and for a brief second, she was certain that she was about to explode and unleash a tirade against her beloved mentor. Deep breathing did nothing but stoke the angry fires in Twilight’s guts, infernos that were threatening to consume her from within. Something slithered from the hallway, the hallway made of meat, and Celestia was quick to snatch up Dim once more. Twilight, stunned into uncomfortable silence, watched as her mentor, her teacher, her idol used Dim as a living, breathing weapon, a flamethrower. Something squealed, and the meaty hallway sizzled like hot oil in a pan. Then, still holding Dim, Celestia said, “Twilight, you’re right. You’re not a gun. You’re my sword, and your brother is my chosen shield. You are the weapons and armaments with which I defend Equestria from all threats.” This did nothing to make Twilight feel better. “And what is Dim?” asked Shining Armor as Celestia put Dim down and gave him a kindly pat upon his head with her wing. “Dim is Luna’s doomsday disaster, which I borrowed for this trip. I felt that it was warranted.” Touching Dim on the cheek, she then pointed down the burning hallway and told him, “If anything else moves, do what you do best, will you?” Twilight’s rage, frustration, and anger reached a boiling point. “All of you are terrible! All of you! You’re so callus… a little witty banter is one thing, but you”—she pointed at Celestia with her wing—“and you”—here, she pointed at Dim—“the both of you just casually rip each other apart. Some of the things you’ve said are heartless! Cold! You’re supposed to be friends… no, not friends… family! You… you’re the worst!” “Twilight—” “Don’t you dare Twilight me!” the smaller alicorn snapped as she went stiff-legged with defiance. “My friends and I adventure, and we don’t behave like this! The only time we acted this poorly was when Discord turned us against each other! We sing and have camaraderie and we support each other and we act like friends! As the Princess of Friendship, I have to tell you, your friendship sucks! It is beyond terrible. I’m wondering if everything I believe about you is wrong! Sometimes… sometimes, Celestia, I’m not entirely convinced that I know who you are!” “Twily—” She rounded on her brother, daring him to say another word. Reaching up with her wing, she slapped the side of her helmet, trying to undo the catch. After a few fumbles, she managed to pop the latch and the helmet opened up like a yawning maw. Inside, there was an intensely frowny face, and Twilight’s eyes burned like two cherry-red coals. “Celestia, I can’t defend you from this.” Lowering his head, Shining Armor backed away from his sister. “You’re on your own. I think you brought this on yourself.” “Twilight—” “Don’t you dare say how proud you are of me right now for standing up to you!” Again, Twilight stomped her hoof. “I will not be mollified! Pretty words of faint praise will not appease me! Those words won’t matter because you’ll just go back to how you’ve been during this whole trip! When I said I felt sick, you made a terrible joke about it bringing colour to the place!” “Twilight, what I said was—” “Now is not the time to pick nits,” Shining Armor said to Celestia. Celestia sighed, a heavy sound, and Dim began packing his pipe with medicinal herbs. A part of Twilight was mortified about everything she had just done, all that she had said, but she refused to acknowledge that part of herself at the moment. Dim cast a sidelong glance down the hallway made of meat and Twilight found herself doing the same. “Twilight Sparkle…” Celestia paused, waiting for another interruption, and when it didn’t happen, she cautiously continued. “Princess of Friendship though you might be, I’m not sure if you have the grounds to judge our camaraderie. It might not meet your standards, but right now, Dim and I are calm, cool, and collected, while you’re the one displaying a distressing level of distracted temper. I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt. I believe we went into this with very different expectations. I believed you to be a seasoned adventurer, and I treated you as such. A mistake was made, a dreadful one that I feel bad for.” After sucking in a deep breath, and every muscle tensing with the need for response, Twilight had an embarrassing moment of deflation. She looked at Dim, then at Celestia, back at Dim, then up at Celestia once more, and she found that she didn’t know what to say. What could be said at a moment like this? “I made an error in thinking our relationship was such that we could take a few good natured digs at one another.” There was hurt in Celestia’s voice, real hurt, and a sincerely apologetic tone. “I was treating you as my equal, Twilight.” What Twilight wanted to say was quite unpleasant. All she could think of were insults, bad ones, dreadful things that she could never live with herself if she said them. If this is how you treat your equals, perhaps this explains why you were alone for so long, friendless in Canterlot. Even as the words tumbled through her mind, they felt clumsy, wrong, and the longer they lingered, the more shame Twilight felt. It was just the sort of awful thing that Dim might have said—or perhaps he would say something worse. She felt her tongue shrivel as her hidden pettiness consumed her. As was so often the case, Shining Armor came to her rescue. “Princess, no disrespect, but you’ve made a mistake.” Shining Armor moved in close to his sister, bumped up against her with a clang of metal, and then just stood there, resolute. “Twily isn’t like us. In some ways, she’s better than us. We”—he pointed at Dim with his armored hoof and then banged it against his broad chest—“Dim and I, we’re beaten down, battered, and bloodied. Maybe not as much as you, Princess, but enough so that you recognise us as equals. Twily is a scrapper, but she’s not like us. And that needs to be respected.” For a moment, silence reigned and the only sound was that of crackling flames. But then, Shining Armor kept going. “Dim and his friends… in the dead of winter, they warmed themselves with the flames rising from mass graves. I cannot even begin to comprehend that, but you… Princess… you can. As for you and I, I might be the Emperor now, but deep down inside, I’m still your Captain of the Guard. You are still my Commander. And we behave as soldiers and commanders do. But with Twily, she is none of these things. The true horrors of war and violence haven’t been branded into her brain. She’s not martial-minded. And I think that, if you wish to treat her as an equal, as you’ve claimed, then you need to spend some thinking about your common grounds. Because this”—he gestured at everything around him—“is not one of them.” “You can see faces in those flames,” Dim whispered, his words slithery in the air. “Faces contorted in agony. Haunting expressions of unspoken accusation. In dreams, they talk… they say what could not be spoken as they burned. Millions dead… so many dead… all those bodies.” Overcome with some unknown emotion, Twilight found herself moving. She pushed past her mentor, her teacher, who stood frozen, unmoving, and after spreading her wings wide, she wrapped them around Dim. He resisted, of course he did, but after she held firm, he relented and leaned into her embrace. He was thin, frail, and he wheezed with every feeble breath he drew. “You see, Princess, that’s why Twily isn’t like us. She still feels. Holds nothing back. I dare say that makes her better than us and that all of us, yourself included, Your Majesty, should aspire to be like her.” Later, when the opportunity presented itself, Twilight would give her brother a hug. “As touching as this is, we have a filly to save.” Shining Armor snapped to attention and was ready to go. “Come on, let us finish what we’ve started.”