//------------------------------// // The first rule of Royal Fight Club... // Story: Iron Will vs. Mr. Satan // by Sparkle Cola //------------------------------// “WINNER!” The crowd in the Canterlot Coliseum went wild as the lights came up, chanting, singing, and stomping their hooves. “With a technical knockout in the fourth round, the Solar champion reigns supreme once again!” The unicorn holding the drop-down microphone lifted the minotaur’s right arm upwards in triumph. The minotaur flexed his pecs and shouted, pointing to the crowd. “That’s right! Anypony want this crown? They’ll end up going down!” He continued to work up the crowd, pointing and pumping his fist to everypony and nopony in particular. Luna just sat back, grinding her teeth as she awaited the inevitable teasing that would soon come from the occupant of the neighboring Solar Box Seat. Activating her horn, she pulled the privacy curtains around her Lunar Box Seat and waited… Not that curtains would help. “Three… two… one…” … Luna’s brow furrowed. “Where is she?” After a moment, the curtain covering the front edge of her box began to sway. Initial brushes of movement, slight caresses across the fabric, gave way to more pronounced, sweeping movements, as a shape became more pronounced, pushing the material back and forth. Before long, the arching curve of her sister’s flank was noticeable, sweeping the curtains to and fro until her tail popped through, teasing as it flicked back and forth in time with something Celestia was sing-songing under her breath. Luna’s eye twitched as she resisted making a rather physical retort. “Sister! Remove thy all-encompassing flank from before our presence! If t’were possible, we’d banish it to the sun!” Celestia backed herself in, continuing to sway her hips as she sang a little ditty. Solar’s the champion Solar’s the champion No time for Lunars Cause Solar’s the champion OF THE WORLD! Celestia continued backing up until she sat in a neighboring chair, wiggling her hips back and forth until she had made herself comfortable, still humming to herself and grinning like an idiot. Luna could only fold her forelegs and pout. “Please, sister. Show some decorum and grace in your victory. Thy entrance was the opposite of grace… it was disgraceful.” “Now now, Luna…” Celestia leered for a moment. Just because your chosen challenger has been bested by the Solar champ… Hm.” Celestia began to stroke her chin, pretending to think for a minute. “Is that the 27th straight victory?” Just to spite her, Luna’s horn flashed, turning Celestia’s entire seat into a block of ice approximately two degrees above absolute zero. Celestia jumped up with a squawk. Struggling to keep her face from pulling into a smirk, Luna just raised an eyebrow innocently. “You were saying?” “Ahem.” Celestia rubbed a hoof across one her still tingling rump. “I was about to say, I think maybe we should change the first rule regarding the Royal Fight Club.” “Oh? Don’t talk about Royal Fight Club?” “No no no.” Celestia shook her head, her wavy mane lazily billowing behind her. “I don’t follow that rule anyway…” “You don’t say?" Luna's reply was rather dry as she recalled the last twenty-six relevant articles in the Canterlot Times. "What then? We re-include the Yaks in the tourney? Last time they participated they brought the walls of the entire edifice down.” “Absolutely not!" Celestia’s expression had taken on a rather haunted look. "No, I was just thinking of adjusting the rules so that you might have a larger pool of candidates you can draw upon to try and best my Champion.” Luna’s eyes looked down to the champion, still thumping his chest like a halfwit, even though the spectators had almost completely exited the building. He was still spouting ridiculous rhyming epithets. “You don’t show respect? Ya gonna get wrecked!” Luna shook her head. Why could she not come up with a challenger that would put this fool minotaur in his place? It was a non-magical contest of strength, sure, but where else could she look? Then, she got an idea… An awful idea. The Princess got a wonderful, awful idea! Luna held up a hoof. “No, Tia. Please do not change the rules on my account. I will best your champion, your… Iron Will. And I will do it with a non-magical creature, you wait and see! I will be in keeping with all contest rules and bylaws—and will have my challenger ready by next week’s match. I hope your minotaur will be ready.” By this point Luna was pacing. She couldn’t help it! She couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of this before! She turned to face Celestia again, who was now smirking like a hellspawn demon. “Whatever you say, Luna. My Iron Will will be waiting…” *        *        * “So that’s why I need you to perform a dimensional smash and grab!” Twilight scratched at her mane for a moment, giving Princess Luna a sideways look from over her lab equipment. When it came to her friend, Luna had made some pretty bizarre requests in the past, but this? This just took Celestia’s cake. “I don’t know, Luna. Doesn’t that break some kind of cosmic law? I mean, isn’t it unethical to reach into another universe and pluck out another life form, just to match it up against a brutal and dominating grappler?” “According to my study of ethics put in the greater context of the dimensional theory of the multiverse, doing so would only be unethical in the other universe. Because ours is separate, not a problem!” Twilight found that both of her eyebrows had climbed so high on her head, they might never come back down to Equestria again. Princess Luna slumped forward, thumping her head across one of the tables in Twilight’s laboratory. “Please, Twilight. If our friendship over the years has ever been important—” “—and this whole thing about the Royal Fight Club? I mean, are you kidding me? I thought I was thoroughly versed in all sorts of Canterlot Culture, but until today, I’ve never even—” “—The first rule of Royal Fight Club is— “ “—I know, I know!” Twilight sighed. “At least now I do. Never bothered with the sports page before... I can’t believe Princess Celestia would be involved in something so… so…” “Glorious?”      “Boorish!” “Ah. Yes! Well, you see… It’s been…” Luna’s head smacked the table again.  “Twenty seven times.” “Been what now?” Luna lifted her head but now had obscured her face with her hooves. “Ith bn twntyssvn tmmms!” “I’m sorry, didn’t quite catch that.” “Twenty-seven victories in a row! By the solar champion Iron Will!” Luna’s Royal Canterlot Voice shattered several beakers before she could reign it in again. Twilight only gave her a flat look, her horn lighting up to contain several gasses from mixing and blowing them so high in the sky that the Princess would be in another castle. “Just this once… I’ll do it.” Luna jumped up, clopping her hooves in glee. “Oh, thank you, Sparkle. I will be in your debt!” “But only because my mentor should know better than to participate in such things as a fight club. Twenty seven times…” She brandished a hoof at Princess Luna. “The both of you, actually! Okay, so the arrangement was that you would power the spell while I performed a magical homing scan throughout the multiverse until I found a suitable candidate. That’s what you wanted right?” Luna only giddily nodded her head. “Okay then.” Twilight took a breath to center herself, and then walked into the middle of the laboratory, at the center of a massive rune circle. She stepped on the central figure and muttered an incantation, drawing several symbols in the air. With a rumble, the floor parted asunder. “Step into my laboratory annex… a pocket dimension I built into the foundation of the castle. I wouldn’t be foolish enough to open a dimensional rift without some kind of dimensional barrier. Are you ready?” *        *        * It had been twenty-five minutes, and the both of them were building up quite a sweat. However, Luna was not to be deterred from her plan. She poured on her power, allowing Twilight to use her entire magical focus to scan for habitable planets, organically compatible life, then to filter for intelligence and other abilities. Finally, she found a likely planet, and when she listened in to the communications, one name became clear. Her eyes sparkled with the revelatory information, and she knew she had found what she had been looking for. “Luna? We have our subject. Apparently, this creature… this hue-man, will be more than a match for Iron Will. And he doesn’t seem to possess magic of any kind!” Twilight closed her eyes in concentration as she scanned through more images and news, until she gasped. “Wow Luna, this is perfect!  Not only did he defend the planet by besting an unbeatable machine in physical combat, he defeated a magical creature named Majin Buu as well! Wow! I don’t think Iron Will will stand a chance!” Luna pumped a hoof in victory. “Huzzah, Twilight. Let’s bring him in!”   The entire dimensional rift wobbled for a moment as Luna nearly lost her concentration, but then it steadied. “Okay, Luna. Just hold the rift for a little longer. I got this.” To be continued...