//------------------------------// // 73 A Dab of Ink, Part Four // Story: Continuity Disrupted // by Doug Graves //------------------------------// “I certainly hope not!” exclaims Twilight Sparkle, looking ready to burst with excitement. She rapidly motions for Doug to come over, her stallion quickly sitting between herself and Rarity, his hands automatically coming up to rub their sides. “So, my parents gave me this problem a long time ago, too.” Doug raises an eyebrow, settling down next to her, Rarity looking quite interested as well. “Really? When?” Sparkle considers for a second before she says, a little self consciously, “Um, I was about four or so. And, it turns out, there is a way to order all the numbers so that they never repeat after another!” She brightens up a little, her figurative teaching hat made manifest as she doodles in the steam. “And it doesn’t matter how many numbers there are, either! So you’d only need about four hundred thousand stars, instead of a billion, for Princess Celestia to have never repeated herself.” “Yeah, even keeping track of ten thousand sounds like an astronomical problem,” Doug says, shaking his head. “How does it work?” “Yes, it…” Twilight Sparkle pauses for a second before she snickers to herself. “So, you have your sequence of numbers, right? Like, one through ten.” As she speaks, ephemeral numbers swirl through the steam around them, “Then, all you do is swap every pair of numbers. So, then you’d have two, one, four, three, six, five, etcetera. Right?” “Right,” Doug says, both him and Rarity nodding along, watching the numbers dance and play like Applejack’s family at a square dance. “Then, you skip the first and last number and swap the rest of the pairs. So now you have two, four, one, six, three, and so on. And you just go back and forth from there until you have all of the sequences, a total of ‘n’ minus one.” Doug shakes his head in amazement, “Well, there goes my respect for Celestia, for not using a more complex method of tracking all of her stars. For shame, Celestia. For shame.” Night Light smirks at Doug’s impropriety, “The method works for an odd number of ‘n’, too, again with ‘n’ minus one possible sequences.” "This is really fascinating stuff. Though," Doug shakes his head as he grins, a wink to Twilight, "I wonder if our foals will break that record." “Oh, dear, now there’s three of them,” exclaims Velvet, though her pleasant smile belies her words. Even more so when Sparkle sticks her tongue out at her and Velvet returns the gesture, just half an inch peeking out of each of their mouths. Six sets of eyes go to the door as Aloe peeks in, the pink mare’s carefully set smile motioning them out. “You wish mud mask for each, yes?” She turns, trotting away. Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Night Light, and Shining Armor each file out of the room, following the spa pony to the next activity. Doug hesitates as Shining Armor exits the room. Twilight Velvet is struggling a little to get out of the waist deep walls of the steam pool. Her wet hooves scrape against the wood, offering little purchase to the gray unicorn uselessly scrabbling back and forth. He reaches a hand forward, gripping her foreleg and bracing himself to pull her out. When Doug’s efforts don’t move the mare, and he instead finds himself gracelessly dragged closer, his eyes widen. Heat radiates from the steam pool, still sending up clouds of white, but it is nothing compared to the furnace blazing scant inches away from him. He limply pulls his hand, only to find himself petrified as the steel grip tightens around his wrist. “Oh, golly, sometimes I just don’t know my own strength!” Twilight Velvet intones apologetically with a chuckle, her eyes twinkling merrily. “Just like there are so many things I don’t know about you! Like, what kind of things do you do for fun, or what makes you think that you can just go and marry my Sparkle, or will they ever find your body if you hurt her?” “Um,” Doug says, his eyebrows raising at the last one. The mare holding onto his arm threatens to pull him into the scalding water she is casually standing in, resting all of her weight on him. Her cheery expression never fades, like she could go through with her threat and sleep easily afterwards. He finds none of the courage he had facing Shining Armor, or even Granny Smith back in the day; she seems gravely serious in a way the other two couldn’t pull off. “You’re…” “Joking? Oh, no, I would never joke about the places I’ve gone on my adventures. I’ve stumbled across all sorts of places big enough to hold your body, don’tcha know. Out of the way, too, that nopony had stumbled across in a gross of fortnights! And I know because, well, let me tell ya, there were some relics in those tombs that sure hadn’t been! All covered in cobwebs and grime and pieces of the previous owner!” “Well,” Doug says, trying to bring a little command to his voice as he strains against her hoof, bracing himself as she seems to get heavier and heavier, “I can’t exactly promise that I won’t ever hurt your Sparkle, but-” Velvet merely chuckles, “Oh, spare me the load about how foalin’s alotta pain and hurt. She ain’t gonna remember half of it, and she’ll blame herself for wanting it anyway. No, I’m talking about the kind of hurt that comes from sitting alone late at night, staring out the window and wishing he was with you again. But when you only get your turn four nights a fortnight?” The fight leaves Doug as Velvet zeroes in on his biggest fear, one he had even when it was only Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash in the herd. His heavy sigh is quickly replaced by fear as Velvet’s horn flares, a quick, “What the-” escaping his lips. His body, gripped by a cerise aura, slides across the wooden floor. He flips over the edge, finding himself suspended a foot above the bubbling water of the pool. His skin tingles from the heat, dreading the burns should she drop him face first into the steaming depths. “Well then, what are you gonna do about that, to keep that from happening to my Sparkle? Hmm?” Velvet dips him a little lower, his nose now inches away from the pool. “I don’t know,” Doug says gruffly, trying to not give in to his dread as his arms splay out to the sides. “I’ve always tried to spend as much time as I can with each of them. But, there’s only one of me. And the foals, and-” Doug’s head drops a little lower, the tip of his nose briefly dipping into the hot water. It leaves him sputtering, his head rearing back to try to escape the heat. “Perhaps that should have been a little closer to the front of your thoughts when you pressured my Sparkle to join then, hmm?” Velvet levitates Doug back up, again suspending him a foot above the water. “I didn’t ask her to join,” Doug nearly spits out as one hand carefully rubs the slightly pink spot on his nose. “She, Applejack and Rarity made that decision. The rest agreed. I wasn’t opposed, of course, but… I went along with it.” Doug finds himself lowering into the pool again. “But not unhappily!” he quickly appends, debating if struggling against the magic holding him in place would do any good, or if disrupting it would just drop him into the boiling pool regardless. “Last night was clearly evidence of that, right? I wanted it to happen. I had plenty of time to get used to the idea while she was competing!” “Oh, she told me all about the troubles you all put her through. And those are nothing compa-” A deep voice from above the two silences Twilight Velvet. “Agent Fortnight, I believe this is the proper procedure for interrogating hostile subjects.” Twilight Velvet looks up, her eyes narrowing. Doug strains to turn his head, spotting Shining Armor levitating, each hoof on a pink shield, none of the airsickness from before showing. “I wondered why I didn’t hear anything after the door shut,” Velvet says, her own horn flaring brighter. “And you should have seen the way he came at me!” Shining Armor’s neutral glare stays set as if carved in stone despite Velvet’s chuckling. “Besides,” Velvet says as she and Doug levitate upwards, courtesy of her cerise aura, “it’s not nearly as fun just sitting around talking, don’tcha know.” She unceremoniously dumps Doug onto the damp floor. Doug tests his hands and feet, as if unsure that they would hold him. She asks, though it is hard to call her cheery voice condescending, “See? He’s fine. It’s almost like you’ve done this before.” “Yeah, you’ve got nothing on Chr… cah-razy ponies like Pinkie Pie,” Doug says, nervously scratching his neck. “If you’re late on one of her festival feedback forms, she treats it like you broke a promise or something.” A big bunch of bubbles begin brimming, bubbling up as Pinkie Pie bursts from the boiling bath, barking, “Forever!” before she bores back below. “My point exactly,” Doug says flatly. “So, how about we take this down a notch, just share the love,” Shining Armor says, wrapping a hoof around Doug and giving him a friendly squeeze. “We both know you’re going to take good care of Twily, right?” “Right,” Doug says, cautiously nodding along, unable to budge the foreleg that keeps caressing his neck like a boa constrictor. “Then we’ve got nothing to worry about!” Shining Armor gives Doug a large, faked grin, flexing his foreleg. “Besides, I know you can keep a secret.” Twilight Velvet raises an eyebrow. Shining Armor drags Doug around so both of them are facing Sweet Apple Acres, vaguely motioning with his other hoof as he continues, “Yeah. You see, Doug here has been helping Cady with that fertility problem she and Princess Celestia share. You know the one.” Velvet nods, her composure remarkably guarded. “And it’s no secret that Cady and I are together. Well, not together together, we haven’t made that particular leap just yet. But, with any luck, Princess Celestia will finally finish her testing. Once we’ve got her assurance that it will work, we’ll be married as soon as we can get the paperwork signed!” Little hearts spring up in Shining Armor’s eyes, replacing his pupils, as he beams. His hoof comes to his chest, pressing against his own heart, a heavy, pleased sigh escaping the stallion’s lips. “And we’ll have a great big wedding, with lots of music and dancing and dresses and cake! Oh, there's going to be so much cake!” He begins swaying back and forth, Doug along for the ride. “Why not get married before that?” Doug asks, resigned to his position as teddy bear to be dragged around. Shining Armor’s exuberant happiness fades as he drops back to reality, “Well, in case Princess Celestia’s spell doesn’t work. Same reason Princess Celestia never got married in her eleven hundred years ruling. We can still make a public profession of love for each other, but if our union doesn’t produce any foals?” Shining Armor’s voice fades to almost nothing, “Then she wants to keep her options open. In case, well, she needs you.” “Oh,” is all Doug can say as the foreleg around his neck loosens, his own hand coming up to rub the sore spot. Several seconds pass, Shining Armor staring at the wall while Twilight Velvet frowns for possibly the first time since she got there. Doug quietly continues, his tone apologetic, “So, studding isn’t an option, then.” “No.” Shining Armor shakes his head, his voice flat. “Not with me married to her, regardless of how much we love each other. No sense in bestowing the ‘Prince Consort’ title on me if I’m not the one siring more princesses. That honor would fall to you, should you desire it, regardless of whether or not she joins your herd.” “Rarity would be happy at that,” Doug says, though perhaps a bit too chipperly as Shining Armor turns to stare at him. “I mean, I’d be sorry you weren’t able to, you know, sire foals with her.” Shining Armor sits up resolutely, “I would gladly do whatever it takes to make her happy, even if that means stepping aside.” Shining Armor sighs, “Though that doesn’t mean it would be my first choice.” “Enough dreary talk!” Velvet says with a grin so forced it looks natural. “Besides, we better catch up before they start looking for us, hmm?” She continues as she goes to the door, “So, what kind of fun things do you do around here? Twily said you put her through the wringer at that Iron Pony competition. Apparently some of your mares aren’t half bad athletes, either.” “I would think they’re up for something, though they might have to take it easy on you,” Doug says with a smirk. “You didn’t.” Velvet frankly states, her chipper attitude instantly returning. “Oh, you did! This is going to be so much fun!”