Chapter 5: What is Real?
---
My name is Diamond Edge, I repeated inside my thoughts, At least, that's what it is for now.
This steady, mental exercise helped me to keep the small portion of my mind intact each new day. Rarity's memories were pretty to reminisce in, but I wasn't her. No matter how appealing, no matter how pleasant, and no matter how emotional the memories were, I could not let them overtake everything that I was. Deep breaths were definitely relieving during this long stay in this world.
If you had told me last month that I was going to end up switching bodies and locations with the bearer of Generosity, I would have looked at you like you were insane. But here I was, in the form of a white unicorn with a styled, purple mane and her three gems for a cutie mark. I was even in her dress shop, practically a landmark in Ponyville. It was the whole package that I didn't order.
Additionally, I was anticipating two upcoming events: the welcome to Ponyville party that I was certain that Pinkie Pie was going to host and word from Princess Celestia about my... 'dilemma'. Normally, I wasn't bothered by the future and I'd try living in today. Of course, what was normal anymore was kind of subjective. Nevertheless, I found myself feeling excessively anxious.
What will happen? I asked myself, Will Celestia have the answers that I'm searching for? Even if she does believe that I'm telling the truth, does she even have a feasible solution? Aren't I technically stealing the life of one of her subjects? What will she do? Sure, she's always been lenient with punishments in the show, but things like this never happened in the show. Oh, heavens! What if she didn't lose her banishing spell after all?
"Um, Rarity?" chirped Sweetie Belle, "Why are you wearing a hole in the ground?"
I stopped my train of internal questions and looked up. What did she mean by that...? Oh. I saw what she meant. Looking down and around my hooves, I saw it. It was a literal hole in the floor. Based on its shape, I could see the path that I had taken was a slightly squished 'infinity' symbol, the one represented by a sideways '8'.
"Huh," I exhaled, "When did I do that?"
"For the past thirty minutes," answered Sweetie, not fully grasping what a rhetorical question was.
For the time being, I decided to just go ahead and live the life of the pony who's body I now had. With her memories still swimming in my mind, it was practically instinctual to make dresses as wonderfully as she could. I could even remember exactly which client wanted what. I was sure Rarity would appreciate that some pony had kept things running the way she wanted them to if... when she returned. So it's no wonder my mouth moved before my brain when the entry bell rang.
"Welcome to Rarity's Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique," ran my high-class accent.
"You really need to stop doing that every time I come in here," responded a sort of grating country gal's accent. I opened up my eyes to see the farmer that got on my nerves.
Gets on my nerves? asked a voice somewhere inside my head, But Applejack is best pony. I didn't quite grasp that voice's meaning or how it could forget to use articles in a grammatically correct manner. I tried to ignore it for the time being.
"Oh. Hello, Applejack," I greeted, "What brings you by today?"
"Pinkie Pie wanted me to give you this," she answered straight to the point. She turned her head to reach into her saddlebags that I hadn't noticed before. Upon lifting her head back out, she was holding a pink envelope of sorts in her teeth. As she released it in front of me, I automatically reached out to it with my magic and floated it over to where I could see the envelope and its contents.
Oh, Applejack, I thought while absentmindedly skimming through Pinkie Pie's infectiously inviting words written cursively on the invitation, Why must you always be so straight to the point? Can't we ever just chat about trivial matters?
"And, uh," interrupted Applejack.
"Hm?" I looked up from the invitation. I was surprised to see Applejack using Fluttershy's facial expression to avoid eye contact.
"I..." she paused as she walked nearer to me. It was a bit uncomfortable watching her move her mouth up closer to where my ear was.
"I love you."
"Beg pardon?" I asked as my lips were suddenly occupied by another mouth. My whole body felt so hot all of a sudden. What was going on? I didn't understand what was happening. But my eyes slowly fluttered close as if I were in some half-sleep trance.
Great stars! Is that really how you feel? I thought with almost returned feelings.
"Your love is tasty," giggled a much more raspy voice.
My eyes snapped open and I pulled away from the kiss. What I had thought was Applejack was now a certain changeling queen with horrid black skin. Her evil green eyes gazed at me longingly and deviously.
"Chrysalis!" I choked out as my lungs had a sudden lack of breath.
"And I know the one you love more than any pony else," she cackled as green flames surrounded her. I tried to backpedal my hooves, but I couldn't move. I had somehow been glued to the spot. The flames around Chrysalis died and in her place stood the bane of my Element of Generosity. It was that... boulder.
I felt a tap on my shoulder as I heard a seductive male ask, "Don't you want to reacquaint yourself with him?"
I chanced a look behind me. I regretted that decision almost immediately. That abomination of biological existence Discord had just... tapped me.
Oh no, I worried with eyes wide open. As I looked at his paw, the part of my coat that he was touching started to fade a shade of gray.
"No... no..." I shook violently, but the draconequus wouldn't let go. I could actually feel my colors leaving me. It was burning and freezing all at once.
"Please... stop," I hoarsely voiced barely able to hear myself. It was no good. My colors faded to dark gray, almost as black as Nightmare Moon herself.
All the while, the laughter of John De Lancie, Tabitha St. Germain, and Kathleen Barr filled my ears. I could actually see myself falling down some bottomless pit. My body was becoming a shadow and my surroundings were becoming a green, spiky cavern. That horrid looking diamond followed me as if begging to crush me at whatever bottom this hole had.
I released a scream that my dry throat was holding back.
---
"Ahhhhhhh!" I yelled sitting up trying to pull myself out of the clutches of darkness. This proved futile, however, since my vision was still blocked by something. Although as I reached up, the clog was actually a piece of cloth. After a few seconds, I remembered that this was a sleeping mask.
After working with the thing and the sheets that were on top of me, I could see the sunlit room that I was residing in. I felt a bit sweaty and my breathing was fast and heavy.
That nightmare, I thought, It felt so real.
I heard the door creak in.
"Diamond Edge?" asked the filly on the other side, "Are you okay?"
"Diamond Edge?" I briefly looked confused before realizing, "Oh, right! That's who I am right now. Y-yes, Sweetie Belle, I'll be okay. It was just a bad dream. It's nothing you need to worry about."
"Well... all right," resigned Sweetie Belle, "I'll go get breakfast ready."
"Sounds lovely," I responded automatically as she headed downstairs. I was left to my own pondering.
What was that whole dream about anyway? I asked myself, Discord, Chrysalis, and Nightmare Moon? And what was that whole love triangle with Applejack and... that boulder? Brr! I don't think I'll be ready for that kind of mess for a long time.
It was about then that something surfaced back to my immediate attention. Sweetie Belle had gone downstairs to make breakfast. Sweetie Belle was going to make breakfast. Had I learned nothing from "Sisterhooves Social"?
"Wait! Sweetie Belle!" I yelled. I nearly tripped down the stairs as I galloped along. I could already hear the smoke detector blaring as I ran into the kitchen.
---
Well, as a silver lining, Sweetie Belle had only burned one side of the pancakes that she had prepared. They were at least somewhat edible in their condition. Though, I needed extra toothpaste to clear the black specks of burned crumbs that littered my otherwise spotless teeth. Still, if that was all the damage that had taken place in the kitchen, then I probably wasn't that bad off.
After I took a painstakingly long time to freshen up the appearance of Rarity's body to satisfactory conditions, I resumed the regular working day of the life I was borrowing. Part of that life required me to refill the stock of gems when the inventory was running low. I put on Rarity's saddlebags and started heading out when the door opened. The bell jingled as a certain friend walked in.
Deja vu, I thought to myself.
"Howdy, Diamond Edge," greeted Applejack.
"Uh, h-hi, Applejack," Rarity's voice shook as I spoke the words. I was starting to feel as nervous as Fluttershy normally feels.
"Hm?" hummed the farmer with a confused look, "Something wrong?"
"Well..." I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I should divulge the awkward familiarity of the scenario that I was in at that moment. Still, being an outsider to this world, the worry of being looked at as 'weird' was pretty easy to overcome. Though, I'm pretty sure my voice was still shaking.
"What I'm seeing now reminds me a lot about the dream I had last night," I admitted.
"Really?" inquired Applejack suddenly more interested, "What was so bad about it?"
"This is the part where that changeling and Discord threw me down a pit," I released the information. Sure, I had skimmed a few details, but that wasn't anything Applejack needed to concern herself with.
"Heh heh," she chuckled, "Well, don't you worry none. Shortly after we came back from Canterlot, Twilight set up some magical detection do-hickeys that'll be able to tell us if the changelings even try showing their ugly faces around here."
"That's... rather convenient," I commented. I was slightly suspicious of the whole thing, but I didn't feel like I had enough grounds to make an accusation of any pony right there. So instead, I watched silently as Applejack retrieved something from her saddlebags that I hadn't noticed before. It looked like an overly pink envelope. I opened the contents with a little magic. Turns out, the card inside was an invitation to Sugarcube Corner for a 'special surprise'.
Gee, I wonder what that could be, I thought sarcastically. Parties were one of the two constants regarding Pinkie Pie: parties and sugar.
"So, what's the plan for today?" asked a deeper woman's voice.
"Hm?" I responded before seeing an overgrown pony in front of me and I exclaimed, "Wah ha ha!"
"Is it too early for some... action?" asked the mare in the moon with her eyelids half opened. The room felt very hot to me at that moment. Nightmare Moon glided over towards me laughing evilly all the way. I wanted to run but my legs wouldn't let me. So there was only one course of practical action.
"Ahhhhhhh!"
---
I gasped as cucumbers fell off my eyes. I looked around the open area that encompassed my location. It took me a while to remember going in for the usual get-together with Fluttershy. She was in the mud bath over to my left. Looking down, I could see that I was also in a tub of mineral-rich mud. The slight lack of mobility I felt was due to the kelp wrap that the spa sisters had applied to me before.
I sighed from the exhaustion of my double-shot of bad dreams.
"Rarity?" murmured my quietest friend, "Oh, I mean Diamond Edge?"
"Yes, darling?" I responded automatically.
"Um, I was just wondering," she started, "Are you all right?"
"Why of course," I insisted, "I've never felt better."
"Oh, okay," she whispered back, "I just thought you were screaming a couple times so I..."
I don't know how I caught that last bit that Fluttershy said, but I could put context with the situation fairly easily.
"I suppose I may have dozed off a bit and I may have had a nightmare during that time," I admitted.
"Well, do you want to talk about it?" asked Fluttershy, "I mean you don't have to if you don't want to. I was just asking."
"It's fine, Fluttershy," I assured her, "I probably would feel better if I talked about it."
So, I started to convey the details regarding all parts of my dream. Certain details were vague, but I think I managed to give her the gist of what I had experienced. I don't remember when Fluttershy and I moved to standing on hot towels while wearing robes, but there we were. Not a trace of the mud was on either of us.
"Do you think that maybe you..." Fluttershy mumbled.
"Do I think what?" I echoed. Again, my ears were met with an unidentifiable utterance.
"Come now, Fluttershy," I insisted, "I can't hear what you are trying to say."
She then rushed over her next words, "Do you have a crush on Applejack?" As soon as she had said it, she cringed in a look of regret.
"What?" I half-asked, half-chuckled, "Where on earth did that come from?"
"I'm sorry," she squeaked, "I shouldn't have asked."
"No, it's fine for you to ask," I tried to console her, "I was just surprised that that was the question you'd ask first after all of the other things that happened."
"Well, it's just that," she started, "She seems to be a catalyst at the beginning of each part of your dream."
"Hm," I hummed thoughtfully. Fluttershy did have a point. Each part of my dream basically started rolling when Applejack came into the room giving me an invitation. But, dreams weren't an indicator of true love. They were filled with nonsense and random ideas. Every once in a while, they would predict future events for some ponies. But, a crush?
"Isn't that a bit of a stretch?" I wondered aloud, "I mean, a catalyst being an embodiment of affection?"
"What do you think about Applejack?" asked Fluttershy with a bit of seriousness that seemed dare I say out of character for the shy animal-lover.
"What do I think about Applejack?" I echoed, "Well, I think she's some pony that's dedicated to their work. She cares about her family. She always tries her best to be the most dependable and honest working pony she can be. She's a bit unsanitary at times, but it's usually for a good cause." Before I knew it, I had started rambling about the best pony.
"Yes, you know a lot about her," agreed Fluttershy, "But what do you think about her?"
"She's one of my best friends," I said with a flare of finality, "I have to wonder, why are you so interested in this line of discussion, darling?"
I never got Fluttershy's answer. When I looked over to where she was standing a minute ago, she wasn't there. In her place was one of the armored changelings. With a flash of green fire, the changeling had morphed into a likeness of Applejack and jumped onto me. I could see my energy being drained into this vampire-esque beast through channels of green light. Before I could scream or fight back, my body fell from its perch.
---
Ohhhhh... my head...
My eyes felt really sore. The lids didn't feel much better as I fought to open them. It felt like some pony had decided to prank me by flipping my horn upside-down so that it would dig into my skull. To whomever did that, that wasn't funny. In fact, I was struggling to sit up straight on some floor. I couldn't exactly remember where I was.
There were a couple punch glasses nearby and a small plate of sorts, but did that mean I had been to some party? Was Pinkie Pie the one that flipped my horn? Then I shook my head lightly against the thought.
No, I thought, Pinkie Pie's random but she isn't cruel. I must have a really bad migraine.
That seemed likely, as a quick reach with my hoof to the upper side of my head confirmed that my horn was still pointing the right direction. Still, my head felt so painful. I almost didn't see the rest of the girls sprawled out along various sections of the room I was in.
Did our drinks get spiked? I asked myself, I didn't think Pinkie Pie ever served ale before. Just out of an old habit I remembered as a human, I tried the breath test. Surprisingly, it still worked, though the resulting odor I detected wasn't very pleasant.
Phew! Yes, that is the stench of rye, I thought, Where did she even get rye?
I looked around the room since there was little chance that I'd fall asleep on the floor while sober. It matched exactly what I thought an after-prom party looked like. Then, I saw something that disturbed me a bit more than it should have.
Applejack was curled up with her head resting on my shoulder.
---
"And then you jumped up and screamed and every pony told you to be quiet because of their headaches," Ms. Sugar-high rambled, "And then Applejack shuffled away from you before something awkward could happen."
"Yes, Pinkie Pie, I know," I grumbled, "I was there."
"Good times," smiled Ms. Oblivious with a sigh. Meanwhile, I was delicately nibbling some disturbingly rich, sweet items to aid in the removal of my hangover. On the opposite side of the table, Applejack was doing the same only with a bit more haste in her devouring. She paused and looked up at the party pony's most recent statement.
"Pinkie Pie," Applejack deadpanned, "That happened just over an hour ago."
"Yeah, good times," she sighed again.
"Let us never speak of that again," I politely demanded.
"Agreed," affirmed Applejack.
"Okie dokie lokie!" chirped Pinkie Pie as she bounced away, "I'll just leave the new couple alone."
I think I did a good impersonation of Twilight Sparkle spitting out that apple in Episode 1. I didn't see, but I heard Applejack choking to the side.
"Pinkie Pie, you!" I shouted at the pony that had already left.
"Not cool!" shouted Applejack just as flustered. I took a few breaths and looked back at my friend who looked a bit better as far as migraines were concerned. Embarrassment, however, was worse.
I cleared my throat before saying, "Well... I should probably head back home. I need to check on Sweetie Belle anyway."
"Yeah," nodded Applejack while adjusting her hat, "and I'm terribly late for... something. Later, D.E.!" She ran out the door of the sweet shop.
"Right," I nodded once in understanding, "Farewell." I adjusted my mane as best as I could with a single hoof and started strolling out.
What a nightmare, I thought, and here I thought getting back to my world would be the worst of my problems. Could things get any better?
Murphy's law was neutral toward statements that talked about better situations. So I wasn't surprised to see that nothing happened.
Didn't think so, I sighed.