The sun rose slowly over the horizon, lighting up the sky with its brilliant golden hue. Down at nearby Sweet Apple Acres, the air was filled with the call of a healthy rooster to announce the arrival of a new day.
At least, I assumed it was. I couldn't hear any roosters over my groans of pain.
My hooves pressed at my head as it pulsed with a strong, dull ache. I moved slowly, feeling ready to throw up any moment. I took a moment to glance at said hooves. Drinking might have brought me into magical Pony land, but it didn't seem to take me back out again. Well, never hurt to try. Actually, it hurt a lot to try.
With great care, I slid off the bed, hooves daintily hitting the wooden floor.
...bed?
I shook my head and blinked, did a double take. Gave myself a gentle slap, to be certain. Sure enough, my chosen patch of sleeping hardwood was covered with a comfortable looking double-bed. Pillows, sheets, the whole shebang. There was even a bedside table, with a glass of water and what looked like some paper on it. Paper with words on it. Actual writing that I could decipher, instead of my hoof-written chicken-scratch.
I took a moment to wonder if chickens could write in this universe, then leaned over to read the paper.
Come to the castle as soon as you can. All your questions will be answered.
P.S. It's the shiny crystal-like one in town. You can't miss it.
"Oh. That's what that is."
I wrapped the glass around my hoof and chugged the water as I entered the bathroom. If I was going to a castle, I figured I should freshen up a bit.
I looked in the mirror. A stallion with tired, bloodshot eyes and 5 o'clock shadow stared back at me. I wasn't exactly farting pixie dust, though I felt like I might puke a few rainbows.
My migraine faded, and my eyes got clearer. The stubble faded. I blinked and looked at myself. I looked much better. Felt it, too.
I looked down at the empty glass. Either that was wonderful magical water, or these Ponies understood the wonderful joys of aspirin. Either way, I felt refreshed and could think straight.
Who had written that letter? Maybe it was that purple, winged Unicorn? My eyes widened slightly. That made sense, since I could remember clearly what she'd said last night. She'd mentioned humans, to me specifically, so she knew something.
If she was even real.
"Shut up."
You shut up.
I glanced back at my reflection, taking a closer look at my long snout and pointy ears, my big buggy eyes. It was hard to believe, but this was me. My new, hopefully temporary look. Would I ever go back to a regular, human face? To have only two legs and opposable thumbs? To not have a tail?
"Wow," I said, realising something, "I have nice hair."
I passed through the living room, wondering where my new couch came from, and set the glass in the kitchen. The cupboards and fridge were all stocked with veggies and desserts of all kinds, plus a pitcher of apple juice. Thinking about this and the new furniture, I could only come to one logical conclusion.
When you drink in this world, Ponies give you things.
I patted where I thought my liver was. It had a good run, but it was nearly time for it to ascend to Pony heaven. At least I wouldn't be far behind.
Moment of existentialism aside, I exited into the world. Or at least the town. I wasn't ready for the world yet.
The reactions to seeing me trudging down the street were certainly different. Mares still gave me weird looks, which I was more used to than I'd care to admit, but stallions bumping hooves with me and saying how good that party was last night? That was a new one. I knew I had a habit of going a bit wild after a few drinks, but I'd never been congratulated for it. I could get used to that.
It was strange, though. It wasn't even my party. That pink Pony--Pinkie, was it?--threw it together. Without my permission, granted, but don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Or would that be a gift Pony here?
That wasn't a comfortable mental image.
I soon arrived at the castle, nestled just outside of town. It was definitely easy to find, since I couldn't see any other crystallised trees around here. I remembered seeing it on my first visit, wondering why it was here. It was good to know it served some kind of purpose.
I rapped on the door and waited. And waited. And waited. I tapped my hoof on the ground. I went to knock again, but the door slowly opened inward.
Ten seconds was a long time to wait for a door to open.
"Welcome to the Castle of Friendship," said a voice. Young boy, by my guess. "What can I do for you?"
I looked down, and my large eyes got larger at what they beheld. "Are you a dragon?" I blurted out.
The small creature raised an eyebrow as I checked out his purple and green scales. "Last I checked, yeah."
I gasped, my front hooves tapping on the ground with glee. "Do you breathe fire?"
"Yeah?"
I bounced on my knees. "Can I see?"
The dragon rolled his eyes and nonchalantly spat out a flicker of green flame. It took every ounce of any dignity I had left not to squeal in delight, and I contained myself to looking like I really needed the toilet.
"Happy now?" he asked.
"Very, thank you."
"Now what do you want?"
I shook my head and fished the note out from my saddlebag. "Oh, uh, I got this note saying to meet somebody here. Uh, somepony, I mean."
He glanced at the note, then up at me. "Oh yeah, Twilight said you'd come by. C'mon in."
I followed the little dragon into the castle and looked around the corridors. Carpets, nice things on the walls, a lot of crystals. This place must've cost a fortune.
I took a breath. This 'Twilight' knew something about me, and I had to find out what. Maybe she had a way to send me home and I could forget all about this long and realistically painful fever dream.
I was led up some stairs to a door with the word 'Library' engraved in it.
"Just in here," said the dragon, pushing the door open.
I followed him inside, and my jaw slacked at all the shelves lined at the wall, all filled with books. Just what could these Ponies get up to that could warrant this much literature? Though, on the other hand--hoof--it was a small comfort that whoever this Twilight was, they were a bookworm as well as rich enough to afford a crystal palace.
One of the round tables had stacks and piles of books on it, and from them erupted yet another Pony. This one purple and with a horn. Unicorn, then. And a mare too, if I was understanding how facial structures worked.
She opened her wings and swooped over to me and the dragon, landing in front of us. Okay, the wings definitely were not an alcohol-fuelled hallucination.
"That weirdo's here, Twilight," said the dragon.
"Spike." The winged Unicorn shot him a stern look, then gave me a more sympathetic one. "Sorry about him, he's a little sore because of... well, I told him about last night."
"Last night?" I murmured, then took a quick run through the fog that was my memories. "Oh, it was you drunk me was hitting on?"
She gave me a surprisingly sympathetic smile. "Don't worry about it, I know you weren't in your right mind. Though I'd watch how much cider I drink from now on; Applejack's in particular has quite a kick."
"You're telling me." I rubbed my temple. "Good thing you Ponies have miracle hangover-curing water here."
"Huh?" the purple mare tilted her head. "Oh, I just put the aspirin in the water. It must have dissolved by the time you woke up."
"Oh." Well I felt silly. "Well, thanks anyway. I don't think I'd have even gotten out of the house without it."
Twilight smiled once again. "Oh, introductions. My name is Twilight Sparkle, and this is my number-one assistant, Spike." She waved a hoof to the purple dragon, who gave a small wave.
"I'm Sharp Sight," I said.
"I know. We've met, but not been introduced properly."
"Right." I bit my lip. "So, uh... you're the one who left that note?"
Twilight's face turned dire, and she gestured with a wing to follow as she walked toward the pile of books she'd erupted from earlier.
That wasn't a good face. That was the face your mom would make just before she told you she accidentally vacuumed one of your favourite small toys and it was already on its way to the trash dump.
That's relatable, right? Please say yes, imaginary audience in my head.
"It's kind of a long story," Twilight began, sitting on a stool. "In my spare time - as much as I can get, anyway - I've been studying dimensional travel. I've been fascinated by the concept ever since I was sent to another world to find the Element of Magic. I wanted to see just how many other universes lay beyond ours - well, mine in the case of you and me."
"So, Ponies have discovered how to travel to other worlds," I summed up and nodded, choosing to ignore that 'Element of Magic' thing. One bit of weirdness at a time. "Alright, I'm with you so far."
Her hoof glided across some hastily-written notes and doodles. "The castle up in Canterlot used to have a mirror that could travel to another dimension, but it was destroyed a while ago. Though I managed to recover some fragments and used them to study the magical frequency for dimensional travel in hopes of a way to recreate it."
"Uh-huh."
"And so, combining that with the notes I've made of Star Swirl the Bearded's findings, I spent my spare time developing a spell that, although needs a high concentration of a certain magical frequency, if said frequency is pitched at just the right amount of strength and in just the right position in the world, a path to another plain of existence can be accessed to a certain degree."
"Yup."
She looked up and caught my blank stare. "I've been working on a magic spell that lets me access other worlds," she summarised.
"Oh, uh," I mumbled, "yeah, I knew that. Yes, very clever."
"Real genius you picked up," Spike murmured under his breath, earning a stern glare from Twilight and a self-conscious glance from myself.
"Anyway," she continued, "it seems that, somehow, when I tested the spell again a few days ago, I managed to open a portal into a brand new dimension. One that I've never seen before, or even thought would exist. Yours. I only got a glimpse of it before the portal closed, but somehow, with how you were positioned at the time, you were pulled through into this world."
I shook my head, trying to wrap it around what Twilight had just told me. "Wait, let me get this right; while I was sleeping off a hangover, a portal into this world appeared and sucked me into it?"
"That's my theory, yes. I never intended to actually take anything, it just... happened."
"And it somehow turned me into a Pony, too?"
Twilight bit her lip. "That part has me baffled, too. Science and magic are fickle mistresses on their own, nevermind combined."
I should have been angry. Completely enraged that some magic-toting nerd dragged me into this world of four-legged lunatics and monsters just because she was messing around with a science project. I should have told her where she could stick her fancy wings and special sparkly horn, then hobbled off to find somepony who could actually help me.
But the look in her eyes told me she meant it when she said bringing me here was an accident. I wasn't a wizard or a scientist, but I'd watched enough TV and movies to know that science and magic were indeed unpredictable, especially combined. Like a shot of whiskey and energy drink, if you didn't mix it properly it would mess you up.
Kind of like how I did that one night. I wondered for a moment if Applejack made whiskey as well as cider, and if there were any actually red bulls in the area. Then I thought about bulls having a drinking contest. The image calmed me down quite a bit.
"Are you okay?" Twilight's voice snapped me out of the amusing daydream. I looked into her sorry eyes again, then shook my head with a sigh.
"Look," I finally said, "if it really was an accident, then don't worry about it. But you can fix it, right?"
Twilight suddenly puffed out her chest, a proud grin on her muzzle. Good sign. "Of course! If I brought you into our world, there's surely a way to take you back! I just... need to find it." She deflated. Not so good sign.
"How long will that take?"
"To be honest, I don't know. We're talking about a totally different universe, with its own rules and its own gateway that's far beyond any realms I've seen so far. Plus, it's a matter of transporting living matter through the gateway intact. It could take hours, days, weeks... maybe years before I crack it."
I nearly collapsed under the weight of dread, disappointment and home loans. "So basically you're saying that I should get used to hanging around here?"
"I'm really sorry, Sharp Sight," sighed Twilight. "If it comes to it, I can try to add a time travel spell to it, so your friends and family don't miss you."
I stopped and looked at my hooves. I hadn't even thought about my friends and family. Did they miss me? Had any of them noticed I was gone?
Pfffft, does a bear use the bathroom? Actually, it probably does around here. I should ask Fluttershy when I see her again.
"Guess you're not in a hurry to get back, huh?" commented Spike, earning another glare from his... owner? Carer? Definitely not lover. Eugh.
"Spike, how could you say that?" she reprimanded. "Look at him, he's absolutely devastated."
"Doesn't really look devastated."
"I looked at him. "Wha'? Sorry, I was thinking about bears."
"You're not crying or anything. In fact, you're taking this pretty well. Being separated from your family and friends and all."
I shrugged. "I don't exactly have friends, per say, just drinking buddies. My folks are never really in a hurry to call me, either. Heck, I don't even have a girlfriend."
Spike snorted. "Wow, you snatched up a real winner, Twilight."
I was just going to ignore that. "Point is, I don't exactly have much to go back to, so I guess I'm in no rush."
Twilight frowned. Something about what I said didn't seem to sit well with her. I suddenly felt the urge to throw a 'but' in there.
"But," I went on, "I gotta admit, this place is starting to grow on me. The locals are... interesting, and it's a lot livelier than where I come from. The most exciting thing you'd find there would be a car crash, but just yesterday I carried a cubic buttload of clothes to a train station, was stampeded by woodland creatures, and got incredibly drunk. Again. Gotta say that's never happened before. Not in one day, I mean."
"Welcome to Ponyville," Spike said. "It'd be a surprise if some kind of creature didn't run you over."
Twilight tilted her head. "So, what are you saying, Sharp Sight?"
I darted my eyes around. Had to choose my words carefully. "What I'm saying is, if you have to take a while to get that spell working again... I guess I wouldn't mind sticking around for a while?"
"Well, that's great to hear." Twilight perked up again, giving me a smile that gave me a warmth in my chest. Like when a dog tilted its head at you doing baby-talk at it. "But if you're going to stick around, I'd suggest you start making some friends."
"Friendship is magic, huh?"
Twilight beamed. "You catch on quick, Sharp Sight! Everypony benefits from the power of friendship, and I know that if you start making some friends, you'll have a much more fun time in Equestria!"
I thought "Friendship Is Magic" was just the tagline. It's actually a thing?
I took a breath. I'd have to live with the mushy stuff if I was going to get anywhere. Besides, I'd already made a few friends already, right? Manual labour equals friendship?
"Well, I'd rather have friends than enemies, I suppose. How does one make friends in these parts?"
"I'm so glad you asked!" Twilight's pearly white teeth beamed in an ear-to-ear grin that reminded me of Pinkie Pie. "I know just the place to start. You'll be absolutely buried with friends and bursting with friendship when I'm done with you!"
My headache started to come back.