//------------------------------// // 2: Code 409 // Story: Awesome Police Do Equestria // by ROBCakeran53 //------------------------------// While not the Grand Galloping Gala, any garden party on the castle grounds were bound to draw in a lot of high class ponies, nobles, and were they so lucky, a princess or two. Fancy Pants was one of those stallions that had a knack for drawing in the big crowds, even if the party wasn’t at the castle, or even in Canterlot at all. Mostly charity drives, he knew how to talk ponies into coming along, sharing some drink and merriment, and donating to a good cause. And if they didn’t, his wife would be on a pony in seconds. Rarity sipped at her wine, watching the tall, slender mare split a conversation between two noble ponies who seemed put off by the party’s theme. In truth, Rarity herself wasn’t so sure about this kind of thing, but the way Fancy Pants explained it it sounded like this would bring about great change. From what she’d heard, between Fancy Pants’ and several other ponies talking, somebody had taken an extreme interest into the abandoned roller rink on Harness Street in Canterlot. Shut down for almost a decade, the place was on the chopping block to be torn down. Apparently between that time and now, someone, and Rarity noticed with interest Fancy never said somepony, but someone, had wanted to salvage the building. They had the tenacity, the will, and the drive to do the work. What they did lack, however, was the funds. How word got to Fancy, it was anypony’s guess, although Rarity wouldn’t put it past Princess Celestia to put a worm in his ear. Rarity’s ears twitched at the unique laughter of Hoity Toity, and her gaze followed to find him conversing with Fancy Pants himself. Rarity took another sip of her wine, waiting for the right moment to step in and join the conversation. “I just find it so stimulating that with the latest trends rolling back to our youth; that roller skating arenas have been out of touch for so long. I was a pro back in the day, and I can’t wait to get out there again and show everypony how it’s done!” Hoity said with a smile, taking another sip of his brandy. “Why yes, I do agree. It has been a long time since I was out skating, although my wife does enjoy ice skating. I just don’t have the finesse like she does. Speaking of finesse, good evening Miss Rarity!” Both stallions turned to the white mare approaching, setting her empty wine glass onto a passing tray pony’s tray. “Good evening, gentlestallions. I couldn’t help myself, hearing such joyous talk about this upcoming project of yours, Fancy.” “Why yes, also might I add your dress tonight is stunning! Is this something you cooked up for the evening?” Fancy gave a small smile, watching as Hoity lowered his glasses to properly gauge the mare. “Oh heavens no, I had no time to fashion something special. This one is a little last season, but I’d yet to debut it, and thought what better time than now? Before it completely falls from fashion.” Hoity laughed at that. “Well, my dear, considering this party is all about falls from fashion, I’d say you dressed proper.” Rarity took the blow with stride. “Why thank you, Hoity. Dare I expect some one on one time later this evening to do an article?” Rarity batted her eyes. Just because they were gay didn’t mean feminine charm never works on a stallion. “Not tonight I’m afraid, but if you find yourself in Canterlot still come tomorrow afternoon, I could open up a time.” “Why that would be wonderful, Hoity,” Rarity smiled, “I look forward to it.” The conversation shifted once more, and after another half hour of standing around on her hooves, Rarity needed a break, and excused herself to find a refreshment table. It was a sad state that Rarity found the table, laiden with small portions of food that couldn’t properly be called snacks, and with so much dressing and design around it that a pony couldn’t figure out if it was edible or not. Thankfully, she was a mare of higher standing, and after years of making social fo puas she’d picked up a few things. A voice had her ears twitching, turning to her left. She knew that voice. Not a voice, or pony it belonged to, that she wanted to deal with. Quickly she picked up her small plate of snacks and another glass of red wine, and turned to leave. Then she smacked right into Blueblood. Time slowed to a crawl as Rarity watched her glass of wine shake, and a small droplet escaped the rushing waves inside the glass. The party went silent, all eyes on that single dot of wine as gravity brought it down along with Rarity’s mood. With a splash that shook the room, the droplet fell onto Blueblood’s tuxedo. His white tuxedo. “My suit! You’ve ruined it, you, you…” then Blueblood’s eyes met sapphire, and his face shifted from anger and disgust, to shock and horror, and back to anger and disgust. “You.” “Blueblood, I’m so terribly sorry.” She wasn’t. “I didn’t see you there, and I was just on my way-” “I do not care for your excuses, you bumped into me and spilled your drink! This suit was not cheap, I’ll have you know. The cleaning bill will be outrageous.” Rarity tried not to facehoof. “Blueblood, it was an accident, and I-” Again, she was cut off. “I do not care for how sorry of an excuse you could replicate this tuxedo, the fact of the matter is you’ve ruined it!” “Blueblood, it can be cleaned.” “No, perish the thought! You’ll have to pay for a new one.” “What? That’s ridiculous. I’d never buy anything for you, let alone some stuck up noble’s tux.” “Stuck up- Why, how dare you? I’ll have you know this was made by a dear, close friend of mine. In fact, this could be considered a crime what you’ve done to-” Suddenly, the room was filled with a siren, and flashing red and blue lights. They turned to the table, and Rarity realized that the table cloth, food, and drinks held on it, were not on a table, but in fact the front end of a large, metal carriage. The two front doors opened up, one tall bipedal thing, and a pony, both wearing police uniforms, stepped out. The biped was wearing sunglasses, for some reason. Both were carrying small plates with a slice of cake. “I’m Mister Officer, Awesome Police. This is my deputy Sergeant Reckless. What seems to be the problem here?” He asked, taking another bite of his cake. The police pony with him shoveled the last of her cake into her mouth, and set the plate down on the “table”. She then drew out a notepad, and pencil in her mouth, began writing. Rarity was at a loss for words. Blueblood wasn’t, and didn’t miss a beat. “This mare here spilled red wine onto my very expensive white suit! I demand compensation!” Rarity turned onto the prince. “It was an accident! How can you possibly make me pay such a huge amount of bits-” “That I’m sure you lack, since you live in Ponyville.” Rarity’s face was turning red. “How would you like the rest of your suit to match?” She levitated her glass. “You wouldn’t dare!” The biped stepped between the two, holding his hands in each of their faces. “Now there’s no cause to escalate this. Mister Blue-” “That’s Prince Blueblood.” “... riiiiight, Prince Blueblood, do you wish to file an accident report?” “Of course I do! I need compensation.” “In more ways than one,” Rarity whispered to Reckless, who blinked in confusion. Mister Officer knelt down, examining the stain on the suit. “Hmmm. Just as I suspected. Looks like a ten-nine, which lead into a ten-seventy two, followed by a four-oh-nine.” Reckless looked up from her mouth writing. “Four oh nine?” Mister Officer nodded. “Giddy up, giddy up, four oh nine.” Everypony looked at the officer, confused. From his holster, Mister Officer retrieved not his pistol, but a spray bottle, stylized with the large purple numbers 409. He then aimed it at Blueblood. Mister Officer lowered his shades. “Giddy up.” Then proceeded to spray the white suit, causing Blueblood to back up in alarm as he was assaulted. Blueblood took off running, and Mister Officer was quick to pursue. “Deputy! We have a twelve-sixty three! Fleeing from a four-oh-nine, officer ten-two!” He vaulted over a pony, continuing chase. Sergeant Reckless lowered her notepad, scratching her ear with her hind hoof. “I know not what numbers mean.” Rarity looked at the mare, noticing her the notepad had a lazy drawing of what looked like poker chips. “I’m sorry, but are you two actually police officers?” Rarity asked. Reckless nodded her head enthusiastically. “Oh yes, Mister Officer is number one okay! Reckless also good, just not number one. Mister Officer say at least top forty. Kay See Kaysom would be prouds. Big goodly where from.” Rarity slowly nodded her head, clearly not understanding anything that was just said. “Deputy! We now have a ten-twelve, suspect assaulting officer with four-oh-nine!” Suddenly, Mister Officer came running by, while Blueblood chased with the floating bottle. “How do you like it? You big stupid ape!” Rarity watched in fascination, all the while the crowd of ponies had given the two ample room to chase one another. “Um, I’m not one to tell a pony of the law how to do their job, but shouldn’t you help?” Rarity asked. Reckless blinked, then stroked her chin in thought. “Mister Officer ask Reckless for help when need help. He no ask help.” Blueblood ran past, his tux halfway over his head, blinded. “I cannot see!” Mister Officer continued to give chase, spray bottle in his hand. “You will surrender peacefully! Or I will be forced to use lethal force.” Mister Officer tackled the pony, tussling on the floor like a couple of school yard colts. “Unhoof me! Unhoof me! Auntie help!” “I do not have hooves, therefore I am not hoofing you. And your make believe God can’t help you now that the Awesome Police are here.” They careened into another table, sending glasses of red wine up into the air. Most ponies scattered, barely able to get away, however one such figure was in direct line of fire from the aerial assault. Princess Celestia had been assaulted by many things in her long life, but never so much red wine. Everyone froze, shocked, terrified, and outright horrified expressions on everypony’s face as their ruler stood, dripping red wine onto the marble floor. The only person unfazed by their now red ruler was Mister Officer, who was holding Blueblood in his arms, the stallion flailing around and trying to escape. “Deputy Sergeant Reckless, suspect has been apprehended,” he panted. Reckless retrieved a pair of hoof cuffs, and placed them onto the prince. Mister Officer looked up, a smile on his face for a job well done. That’s when he saw the red alicorn princess, and recoiled in shock. “Better dead than red,” he muttered. Celestia magik’d a tablecloth over to her, and wiped most of it off her face, revealing her somewhat white coat, now tinged so her pink hues stood out prominently. “This… is going to take weeks to wash out,” Celestia murmured, two of her guards arriving on scene with hoof fulls of towels. “There must sometimes be sacrifices in the name of Justice, and the American way.” “This is Equestria, Mister Officer,” Celestia retorted. “Which means even more sacrifices,” he countered. Princess Celestia let out a sigh, and began patting herself down while ponies began to leave the ballroom. Guards escorting ponies out in a timely order. “I’m so terribly sorry, Princess! I knew we should have just stuck with the regular guard posts this evening,” Fancy Pants rushed over, bowing. “As am I! This was all my fault Princess!” Rarity joined the stallion on the floor. “It’s quite alright, Fancy, Rarity. Please stand.” They did so. “I was just shocked the captain of the police sent them here.” “Oh, we not sent here.” Fancy, Rarity and Celestia looked to the police mare. “I’m sorry, what?” Fancy asked. “Officer Picklefork and Greenie were here. Mister Officer, being A plus good at job, arrest them!” The three ponies blinked at the mare. “Whyyyyy?” Celestia let the word draw out. Mister Officer threw a hog tied Blueblood into the back seat to pout, slamming the door closed. “I am not pouting!” Blueblood shouted through the small gap left in the door window. “Because as my deputy stated, I’m good at my job.” He then opened the trunk to reveal two bound and gagged police stallions, eyes squinting from the sudden light. Celestia walked over, looking at the frightened ponies. “What is the meaning of this?” She turned to Mister Officer. “You cannot just tie up anypony you want!” “Princess, is this the same police officer who arrested Rainbow Dash last week?” Rarity asked. “The very same!” “Why the nerve of you! You should be-” Rarity was silenced as Mister Officer drew his bottle of 409, and aimed it at the two stallions. “This is the time to surrender. Do so now, and we’ll keep this off the records, and maybe this God horse won’t burn you to a crisp.” Celestia’s left brow reached orbit. “You see, Princess, I’ve been hot on a secret mission from the guard to find a changeling infiltrator.” “Wait, aren’t they all good now?” Rarity asked. “Yes, except for one.” He looked to Celestia. “I need to borrow your body.” Celestia was thankful for the red staining of her coat, for had they seen her blush there would be tartarus to pay. Mister Officer sprayed part of her coat, the left shoulder, and the red staining began to drip off. “It works on red wine, the most stainful liquid to inflate carpet remnant prices in history. It also forces changelings to revert. Now, you gonna surrender peacefully, or am I gonna have another code four-oh-nine?” “Giddy up?” Reckless asked. “Giddy up.” Mister Officer confirmed. The two police stallions looked at one another, and the one on the right rolled its eyes as it flashed a green color, revealing- “Chrysalis!?” Both Celestia and Rarity recoiled. Chrysalis spit out the now torn gag, and shedding the torn bindings stepped out from the trunk, a menacing grin on her face. “Yes, and I’m amazed that this ape figured it out so easily. What gave me away? Did I slip up on my disguise? Did my forged paperwork not match up?” “Even worse.” Mister Officer said. “Greenie rhymes with Meanie, and you’re a big one to boot.” Chrysalis blinked. “Are you for real?” She turned to Celestia. “Is he for real?” With a sad look, Celestia nodded her head. “Reckless, book her.” From nowhere, Reckless pounced the changeling queen, only to be thrown off. “I do not have time for this. Until we meet again, Mister Officer.” With that, she teleported away, leaving not a trace of magic to track. Mister Officer untied officer Picklefork. “Sorry for that, but I wasn't sure which of you was her yet.” The stallion nodded his head, walking away from the group and out the exit, a lost expression on his face. The ballroom was silent, two police officers, a princess, a superhero, and Fancy Pants all stood around. “Well, no sense in letting all this food go to waste.” Mister Officer walked over to one of the food tables. “Yay beer!” Reckless shouted, tossing her notebook to the floor to join her partner. “I am very confused,” Fancy Pants said. “Honey! We did magnificent on the donations! More than enough to- wait, what’s going on?” Fleur stopped, looking at the stunned ponies. “What did I miss?” “I think, Mister Officer, caught Queen Chrysalis, by arresting Blueblood?” Fancy said. “And then his deputy jitsu attacked her, and she escaped?” Celestia added. “Huh. I think you’re right,” Rarity said. Everypony was silent, watching the police officers enjoy the food and drink. “Maybe we should have Blueblood arrested more often,” Princess Celestia said with a chuckle. “Just, next time, less red wine.” “Or more Round Up(™) 409!” Mister Officer shouted from the table.