FoE: Do Robot Ponies Dream of Electronic Bunnies
Chapter XV: The Way To End All Wars Part I
"War should be fought by throwin the ones that started it into a pit with nothing but a stick each." - All Quiet On The Western Front
System Report: 0000000015
Unit Status: Active
Location: Celestial Canyon, Deadly Hawks camp
Satellite Signal Status: Receiver offline. GPS active.
Begin data dump to external off-site memory back-up:
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - Done.
Preparing visual report: Done.
Date: --/--/2212, 200PA (+42 days activation)
Time: 1800 Local
Sharp.
The spears were crude, almost too long for the zebras holding them, and probably difficult to use. But they were very sharp at the point. I should know. I had about six of them poking me right in the neck below my jaw.
"Now what, metal butt," Night Rose sarcastically asked. She too was practically a pin cushion, as was our griffon companion, Frieda. I ignored her.
"Fierce warriors," I said in Zebranese. "We come not for battle but for parlay. Who among you speaks for your tribe?"
"I do," one of the zebras in the back said, stepping forward. "And I will do you the courtesy of speaking in your own foul tongue, pony villain."
"Villain," I said, shocked. "I'm no villain, noble leader. I'm just a pony traveling my way."
"Your way seems to have crossed into our territory," the zebra retorted. "For that alone, you should be killed, it is a heinous offense."
"Killed just because we wanna go to the other side of the canyon," Frieda asked. "That's kind of harsh."
"Quiet, bird-cat," the leader spat. "Your own crime is existence." Frieda bristled, but I held out a hoof.
"We didn't come here for an argument or abuse. We came here to settle whatever problems you seem to have with the Silent Deer. We had hoped for peaceful negotiations..."
"Peace," the leader laughed. He seemed to find it quite funny because he kept laughing. He then said the word in Zebranese, and his warriors laughed along with him. Some, I noted, not as heartily as others. Could be useful...
"Peace is unwelcome here," the zebra said. "Especially when offered by ponies, of whom we have much more reason to hate. Your kind started the Great War two hundred years ago. It was YOUR fault we started the war here."
"The ponies you blame are long dead," I replied. "They were killed when you fired your bombs. Can you not let the past die?"
"The past will die," he nodded, his eyes narrowing. "But only when your blood stains the ground and all the blood of ponies everywhere. Then, we shall have your wished-for peace."
"I only came here for peace in this canyon," I insisted. This guy was getting on my nerves. Something wasn't right about him.
"You wish for peace here? Kill the Silent Deer. Every last one of them. Then there will be peace. I give you back your lives, but should you return here while the Deer still prance, they will be forfeit. Release them." The spears came away reluctantly, and we turned to go. "One more thing," the zebra called.
I turned and stared, shocked. One of the zebras dragged a bound and gagged Te'liana out of the bushes. I heard Night Rose growl and Frieda spread her wings. "Hold it girls," I said quickly, barely holding myself back.
"If you do return, and the Deer are gone, I'll let you keep this one as a memento." The zebra roughly kicked Te'liana in the side, causing her to give a muffled grunt. "For that is the only way she stays alive." He then turned and as one his warriors followed. Te'liana stared back at us, eyes begging for help. I could only stare back. If we attacked now, she'd be caught in the crossfire and likely killed. We watched helpless as they disappeared around the canyon curve.
"We've gotta do something," Night Rose exclaimed. "Think, Vers! Think of a plan!"
"Right now, we can't do anything," I replied. Both girls turned angrily at me. "She's their Discord card against us. If we don't do what they say, she dies."
"And if we do, an entire village does," Frieda replied. "This is not a good place to stand."
"Rock, meet hard place," I said, nodding in agreement.
"Ugh, this is such Bullshit," Night Rose spat. "What do we do then?"
"Obviously, we're not going to go torch the Silent Deer," I said, beginning to walk back to the camp. "I'm thinking we need a covert op." Behind me, the girls smiled.
The moon shone brightly above us through a few holes in the cloud cover. I briefly wondered if the Celestial Sisters were still around to keep them moving for us, then brought myself back to the plan.
"Scratch and I'll get them to come out into the open," I was saying. Everypony and zebra of the village were gathered around me outside the big hut. I'd tried talking them out of it, but like the Hawks, they were hard headed. I couldn't fault them though. If it was Night Rose or any pony else of our group, I'd want to be involved too. "We'll skirmish with them along their territory border. Act like you want it but don't push too hard. Meanwhile, Night Rose and Frieda will sneak into their camp and free Te'liana. Frieda will give a signal when they're clear, then we break off the fight and return here."
"Why do we not just attack them directly," one zebra asked, his Equestrian slightly broken.
"They'll kill her if we do," Scratch replied for me. "Any move we make against their camp openly won't end well."
"I expect them to leave a few guards behind," I said to Night Rose and Frieda. "Do what you need to but keep it quiet."
"Thought you wanted this bloodless," Night Rose said.
"Plans change," I replied, turning away from her. I then addressed the crowd again. "Remember, we're only for show. If you kill a few of them, that's fine, but don't try to win the battle alone. Our victory is in Te'liana's return. We go at dawn, get some rest until then."
The group disperse, the warriors whinnying and cheering while the women did a sort of odd cooing. I shook my head and turned towards my companions.
"So, besides Scratch, who's coming to the front with me?"
"Hey, we hired you, remember," AC said, point his hoof at me. "You're the one who takes risks, not us."
"Expected that," I replied. "No worries. Get some rest."
The night past slowly. Nopony could sleep. Night Rose was curled up next to me as I watched the bonfire outside the hut. I watched the flames dance back and forth. Little specks of burning kindling hopped into the air. I watched the logs go from brown to black, then to orange and white as the fire consumed them slowly. I watched...
oOoOoOoOoOo
"Cease fire! Cease fire!"
I was on a testing field, where I didn't know. Attached to my back, I could feel the heat of a recently discharged flame thrower. Before me were charred corpses. I couldn't tell if they were zebras or ponies. Their manes, tails, and coats were all blackened or gone completely. I stood there, staring at the dead equines, and wondered what had just happened. Then-me was simply waiting for an order.
"By Celestia," I heard somepony shout behind me. "That thing's a damn beast! There's nothing left of 'em!"
"About face, Unit zero-one!"
I turned and saw several ponies standing in a trench, some stomping their hooves on the edge in applause. I felt a smile form on my lips as pride filled me. I'd apparently done the right thing. So why did Moonshine look so sad? My own smile disappeared.
"Unit Zero-one, return to field testing facility," I heard the same pony shout. Returning the weapon to its bay in my back, I nodded and began to walk away from the firing range. As I past the trench, I saw Applejack talking with Moonshine and another pony. The third was a cyan blue Pegasus. She had an unmistakable mane and tail that held all the colors of the rainbow. From the uniform she wore, she was here on a semi-official position. Looking up, Rainbow Dash smiled and waved me over. My order hadn't been to return immediately, and Rainbow was one of the lead designers, so I felt she had slightly more import than whoever was behind the microphone for the PA. I trotted over without hesitation.
"Nice goin there, big guy," Rainbow said, clopping a hoof on my shoulder. "Took 'em out in ten seconds flat."
"I just wish we hadn't had to use convicted zebra sympathizers or zebra prisoner," Moonshine said, head low in remorse.
"Neither do Ah," Applejack said, agreeing. "But them ponies and zebras was already condemned ta death. T'weren't nothin we could do fer em."
"Hey, at least it was a quick death," Rainbow put in. "Better than what they'd have gotten at the prison in Trottingham. Gassing is not a good way to die..." They all fell silent. Then-me took the moment to look at each pony's face. Moonshine had a look of profound sadness, Applejack seemed to be at war with herself, and Rainbow just looked like she didn't envy anyone sent to the gas chamber.
"Is there anything else you need of me," I asked, breaking the silence.
"No," Moonshine replied. I turned to leave. "Wait. There is one thing." I stopped and looked back at her. The look on her face sent jolts through my emotion chip. Whatever she was worried about, I wanted to put at ease. "I want you to remember, no, deeply embed into your core memory. Killing is never meant to be enjoyed. Not by any pony. Not by any thing. If you ever run into somepony or someone that does enjoy it, pity them. Pity what they've become.
"And put them out of their misery if you must..."
oOoOoOoOoOo
I jolted awake, quickly scanning my surroundings. Night Rose had fallen into a fitful sleep next to me, her body pushed tightly against mine. AC and Chef were snoring loudly in one corner of the room, while Frieda was curled up on the opposite side. Scratch sat next to the door of the hut, staring out at the still dancing fire.
"You okay," I asked, not wanting to get up and wake Night Rose by accident. Scratch turned her head and stared at me. Her eyes were wet with barely contained tears. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she replied, then sighed. "Well, not nothing. Something. Or maybe it is nothing... I'm just thinking of how Da'riano must be feeling right now. His wife's in the enemy's hooves. She's being used as a bargaining chip against us. How fair is it that we're forcing him to remain behind?"
"He's emotionally involved," I replied, a little more coldly than I meant. "He may be one of their greatest warriors, but as you said, it's his wife. He may do something drastic at a crucial moment if this doesn't go the way we want it to. He understands that, so he stays as rear guard."
"Just doesn't seem fair..." She stared out at the fire again. I could see tears falling from her cheeks. "I haven't spoken to my sister in seven years," she said after a moment.
"Your sister?"
"Homage," Scratch replied. "She lives over in Tenpony Tower."
"She's DJ-Pon3's assistant, right?"
"It's... complicated. She asked me not to talk about her job..."
"I understand," I replied. "So what brought her to mind?"
"Well," Scratch said, hesitantly. "I guess I'm scared. Homage always was the brave one of either of us. She protected me when raiders killed our parents. She'd used an old energy pistol to kill three of them so we could escape. Afterward, she'd kept both of us safe in the tower. She made sure I got an education and food, and when we were finally granted citizenship, she got me a job working at the radio station. But I didn't want that."
Scratch's head lowered as she stared at the ground, her tears flowing freely. "We had an argument. No, it was a fight. I wanted to explore the wasteland, and she wanted me to be safe in the tower. We fought for days about it. Then, one day, I got tired of fighting and tried to leave. She tried to stop me, but I ended up punching her in the face. I ran out of our apartment with what I'd packed and never looked back."
She looked up at me, eyes full of sorrow. "I never got the chance to say I'm sorry to her," she cried. "And now I might not ever get to..."
I closed my eyes for a moment. I didn't know what to say that could... Yes. Yes I did. It was a risk on my part, but worth it in the end. And possibly, if I watched myself, I could get a little more intel on where we were going.
"There is one way," I said. "DJ-Pon3 has a satellite uplink system, right?"
"Yeah, but..."
"Do you know what I really am?"
She looked suddenly apprehensive. "Uh... A... cyber... pony?"
"I am the first and last in a line of androids specifically designed to end the Great War," I said proudly. "I was the only one of my kind ever created, due to the Royal Decree about robots in Equestria. I have the most advanced infiltration software hardwired into my systems. I can sneak into a horde of Hellhounds completely undetected. I carry an array of weapons that would make the most modified cyber pony's brain explode in jealousy. I can hack into any computer anywhere anytime. I can place a call to DJ-Pon3 and get him to let you talk to your sister."
Scratch was dumbfounded. It took her a full minute to register what I'd just told her. "You... you can call Homage? How..."
"I have my ways," I replied slyly. Seeing the smile spread across her face, I took it as she accepted. "Just give me a few minutes, and hope there's a working satellite above us." I then went to work, reactivating my receive functions on my SATLINK. I quickly wrote a monitoring program, in case whoever it was who was messing with me before decided to try again, then set myself to search mode. While this went on, I opened a panel on my shoulder, revealing a two-way microphone. Scratch walked over and sat down next to me. Night Rose slept quietly between us, her body twitching slightly once in a while.
I smiled as I caught hold of a passing satellite, setting it to geosync orbit and cross-checking with the other satellites in the sky above to be sure there was no danger of a collision. That being done, I patched it into the Dj's signal and waited for acquisition. I didn't wait long, for a few seconds later, DJ-Pon3's voice came through the receivers in my head. I waited till he finished her news and resumed the music, then sent a query to his SATLINK setup. On the other end, a light would be blinking and a buzzer would be going off, indicating an incoming transmission. Without too much delay, I got an answer.
"This is Pon3," the voice said, sounding part angry and part worried. "Who's the cat hackin my systems?"
"I think you've heard of me," I replied out loud. Scratch could hear everything coming through the mic on my shoulder. "You've done a few reports on my metal flank."
"Well, well," the DJ said coolly. "If it ain't mister Verse, himself. Callin in for an interview, are ya? Ready for me to sing your song?"
"Not exactly," I replied, my eye going over to the monitoring program. It had spiked a minute ago, but the source wasn't the current link. Someone else was trying to get into me. Without breaking stride, I caught the packet being sent and stored it away in a quarantined sector, then sent a file received notice. The link cut out and my mystery hacker was gone. But I had his location. All in less than half a second.
"The true reason I'm calling you," I continued, "is because I'm relaying a call for your assistant from her sister, one Deep Scratch."
"My... her sister?" The voice had faltered, and I suddenly had a hunch about the DJs true identity. I held it to myself, however. "Well, hell," he replied, regaining composure. "I'll go get her. Wait yourself just one moment, miss Scratch. She won't be long."
A minute ticked by, then another. I began to wonder what was going on on the other side of this call, then... "Scratchy? Are you there?"
Scratch looked at me, fresh tears welling up in her eyes. I smiled and nodded.
"I'm... I'm here, Hommy," she said into the mic, barely able to speak. "I'm here."
"I've missed you," Homage said quietly. "I'm sorry I tried to keep you here. I just..."
"I'm sorry too," Scratch said. "I didn't mean to hurt you when I left. I wish I could take it back."
"The punch?"
"No," Scratch said, smiling. "The names I called you. You totally deserved the punch." I heard Homage giggle on the other side, and Scratch laughed along with her. I looked down and noticed that Night Rose had one eye open and was watching us. I winked at her, and she smiled.
"So, where are you," Homage asked.
"We're in the Celestial Canyon," Scratch replied.
"The Celestial... Scratch, that's a war zone," Homage cried. "The zebras there are killing each other!"
"I know," Scratch replied. "I'm kind of right in the middle of it."
"Stay there," Homage said, and it sounded like she was hitting some buttons or switches. "I'll try to get some help to get you out of there."
"No, don't," Scratch said quickly. The button pushing stopped. "I... I want to be here. Not because... well I'm not suicidal. But I'm with a group of ponies who are going to Zebrion, and the only way we can get through is by stopping the fighting here."
"But Scratchy, you could be hurt!"
"I know," Scratch replied sadly. She closed her eyes to fight back more tears. "I know. I could even die. But this is a good group I'm with. The zebras that are fighting... well the bad ones I mean, they have one of the good ones as a hostage against us killing the rest of the good ones. And we're not gonna do it, but we can't let them kill her so... I just wanted to apologize... For being a terrible sister..." She sniffed a little, trying desperately not to break down and cry out loud.
"No," Homage replied. "You weren't terrible. You were... ARE. You are a wonderful sister. Don't ever think differently."
"Hommy..."
"Mister Verse, are you still there?"
"I'm here," I answered.
"I'm hereby charging you with the safety of my sister," Homage said, sounding very official. I could hear the tears in her voice though. "She's one of two important ponies in my life right now. I wish I could keep both of them safe by myself, but circumstances dictate otherwise. Therefore, I leave her in your hooves."
"I swear by the sun and the moon," I replied. "I will keep Scratch alive. You will see each other again. Cross my heart and hope to fly..."
"...Stick a cupcake in my eye," Everypony finished. I looked around, noticing that even AC and Chef Sandy had joined in. Frieda was smiling as well.
"Sounds like you found a good group, Scratchy," Homage said, chuckling. "You stay safe."
"You too, Hommy. I love you."
"Love you too, sis." I heard a tone and cut the mic off. The signal stopped transmitting.
Scratch lowered her head and smiled. "Thank you," she said to me, then turned to everyone else. "All of you."
"No sweat," Night Rose said. "It's pretty much what we'd have done anyway."
Scratch's smile grew wider, then she turned and laid down. Her smile stayed in place as she drifted off to sleep. Everyone else followed her lead. I smiled to myself and curled up around Night Rose again. I was worried for her own safety, but I knew she was capable, and she'd have Frieda watching her back from above.
I closed my eyes, and Moonshine's words returned to me.
Killing is never meant to be enjoyed. Not by any pony. Not by any thing. If you ever run into somepony or someone that does enjoy it, pity them. Pity what they've become.
"And put them out of their misery if you must..."
I must. I must...
I would.
Footnote: Level Up!
New Perk: "Awareness... It Was Under E!" Rank 2 - Your visual receptors have picked up everything from high explosives ready to blow to intense heartache. You gain a further 10% to Perception on top of the previous ranking.
New Quest: There Will Be Blood - The Deadly Hawks leader has been stirring up trouble in the Canyon for too long. It's time somepony ended it...