Marvellous experiences on my first day at Canterlot High.
I woke up in the janitor's room and came across Rarity and a spoiled asshole who turned out to be... something else. Some guys entered here, beat me and my friend Jack up, and they also threw a cup of hot coffee near my pretty face. Such an incredible morning!
Jack helps me to get up and doesn't say anything. He sits on a chair and I sit on the mattress that was lying there and I try to break this awkward ice by saying: "Looks like he even has people working for him, come on..." but doesn't work. I look at Jack and he is also shocked. As scared as me. I feel afraid, to be honest. Yes, when I was a child I used to say I was Fuckin' W and I didn't fear anything, but this is different. Bloodswan's real nephew may have threatened us. That's not something to celebrate.
We get up and after I get dried a bit, we open the door. At the same time, a lady who was walking around the hall in circles stopped and looked at us. She has purple hair and freckles on her cheeks and looks like she's a year or two older than me. She may not be a student... but a teacher, maybe?
She, whose face also demonstrates concern and fear, asks us something... "Excuse me, um... I know you're here because Principal Celestia told me that you were inspecting the school but... something weird is going on, if I can call it like that, uh... sorry." Her eyes are about to explode in tears.
"Um... what is going on, lady?" asks Jack while looking at me. I also look at him without knowing what's next.
"Um, sorry..." she tries to clean her eyes with her finger. "I'm asking... Have you seen a child with purple curly hair walking around or doing something? Her friends told me she was gone and they couldn't find her on the football pitch. She disappeared after the recess ended."
Oh, no.
My throat begins to get dry and I tremble. Jack does the same but hides it better than me. He takes a deep breath and asks her: "No. What does this child look like, miss?"
"Um... Do you know her? She has curly hair, and clear skin, I think she was... wearing green and purple clothes. Sweetie Belle is her name. Are you sure you saw her?"
"Oh, god," Jack says and almost turns his back on her but he fastly puts a hand over the lady's shoulder. He closes his eyes for a second and I can look at how his legs are now shaking... It may be a surprise if this woman doesn't think of us as strangers... suspects. My stomach doesn't feel too good right now. I feel Mr. Vomit slowly climbing, getting nearer my mouth. "Lost child? Firstly, calm down, miss. We have to calm down. She may have lost her steps while playing hide and seek. Kids do that... Do you want us to help you? Do you want to step into the janitor's room and take a seat?"
Suddenly I feel something vibrating in my pocket.
My trembling hand reaches to that mysterious object and I find out it is my old phone receiving a phone call. Oh, no. This is the worst day of my life.
"Who is it?" asks Jack while still holding the lady in front of her with her hand. His voice broke in the middle of the sentence. I try to smash the phone with my bare hand in my mind while looking at the screen.
"It's Abe," I only tell him. "Look for the child. I have to go."
I don't even look back at him and the lady and I walk as if I were running a marathon. I'm dizzy at the moment I find a men's bathroom and I enter. The phone's still vibrating and I feel the vomit near the exit when I put it near my ear.
And it was like a magical button. I stand in front of a toilet and once I answer the call, it comes out. Abe is now listening to me throwing up on a high school's toilet from Canterlot. I will keep this a secret and carry it to my grave.
"You stupid asshole," I listen on the other side while I close the bathroom door and I sit on the toilet seat. His voice is rough, furious. He's angry. "I'm not going to feel sorry for you because you are throwing up on a toilet of Canterlot High."
I have to make ends meet. "I'm sorry, man... listen..."
"YOU ONLY HAD ONE FUCKING JOB! I GAVE YOU ONE FUCKING JOB!"
"Listen, Abe... we were doing this and then..."
"I have just finished talking to the Penknife Brothers and they told me that Sweetie Belle was in their car. Can you tell me why in the fucking hell is she there, boy? Where is Jack? Where the hell is Jack? Pass me to Jack."
"I'm alone in the bathroom," I tell him. "He was helping a teacher who asked for Sweetie Belle and looking for her... Look, I need to explain everything to you but something happened..."
He doesn't let me finish the sentence. "I don't care about what happened. What matters to me the most right now is my granddaughter."
There is only one option from here: help. "Sorry. I'm so sorry, deeply sorry, Abe. I'll go for Jack and we'll help you right now, at this right moment. Just... tell us where you are and we will make those motherfuckers suffer for what they did."
What he said after hit me like a rock. "No." He said no? "Stay where you are. You and Jack. I'm gonna do it myself." What is this old guy talking about?
"Have you gone crazy?" I fastly stand up from the toilet seat. "Are you out of your mind? The Penknife Brothers are three big dickheads! You can't go on a fight alone! You need our help!"
"You are wrong. You don't know me yet, W. You know what you saw from me... I don't need your help. Once I finish business with the Penknife Brothers, I'll go after you two."
We are really screwed. "Jack would agree with me."
"Trust me, he won't. He will let me do it myself. Now wait for me at the school's entrance."
He is thinking red. He is not thinking straight. "But... Abe! Come on! You can't do it alo--"
He ends the call on my face and that makes me think red now. I quickly kicked the toilet's wooden door but I calmed down when I saw that I wasn't alone in the bathroom all this time. I look in the mirror and I see that next to me there are two kids. A short fat kid with grey skin and a taller one with orange skin and cyan hair. They look at me in silence and I sigh before leaving: "Family," is the only thing I say to them.
I officially declare that I hate everyone. The Penknife Brothers, W, Jack, and even myself. Well, my face is at the top of the list because I didn't give those sons of a gun the money I should have given them weeks ago. I feel like an idiot, a big-headed douchebag, I stupidly thought that he would never touch my family, and now, they have my Sweetie Belle inside their car. I feel guilty for what I told myself. Then I remember that I always hated myself like this... all because I could never be a decent grandfather to them... damn, even my son Hondo Flanks doesn't want to see me.
I was waiting for them in a bleak wasteland near the Canterlot-Maretreal highway. I see an old brown car surrounded by smoke coming at me. It stops and they get out, Clean Penknife, the younger brother, is grabbing a scared Sweetie Belle's arm. Why do I have to see this? Well, I remember again that I... I see this because I caused this.
They are three brothers: Sharp, Clean, and Rusty. Sharp is the older one with dark hair, green eyes, and a scar on one of his cheeks. Rusty is a short, bald and plump guy who always smells like alcohol, he's the middle one. And last but not least, Clean, a tall, skinny, pale and scary dude, he's the younger one. Sharp is the first one that looks at my face. "Well, Abe..." he says. "I expect that you made us come here because you have the money and not because of something stupid."
"Yes," I tell them while getting out of the car, "but you know what? I'm afraid we are talking about different topics. I came here and not because of something stupid. I made you come here to let my granddaughter go. The money can wait."
He does an eerie chuckle while Clean grabs a bowie and touches Sweetie Belle's neck slowly. I can't go through this. I'm getting tired. I'm about to set off the day.
"Well, Sharp Penknife," I say while unbuttoning my squared shirt. "I made you come here to fight me."
Clean and Rusty look at each other. I know they will interfere in the fight, it's logical. Sweetie Belle drops her jaw, shocked. My grandpa is going to fight?, she may be thinking.
"Don't make me laugh, Flankman." Sharp Penknife shakes his head. "Don't you know we are three dudes? We are known as the Penknife Brothers because of something, duh."
"Yeah, I know who you are." I clean my throat, trying not to think about this world we are in. "Three retarded cowards who didn't even have the guts to talk to me and threaten me because of what I did. Instead, you went for the most stupid path you could have ever taken. Kidnapping a child."
I look at how their faces get shattered and the innocent Sweetie Belle gets more confused over time. Sharp approaches me and the tension rises. "Do you think I am proud of what I did? Do you think that, man? Of course not. Why would I get a sweet child who doesn't know anything about this? But then I remind myself that... business is business, Flankman. I care about children just like you... but I care the most about what I and my brothers do. This is like a candy store and you are the one who bought a lollipop and didn't pay for it."
"You should have taken me," I tell him. "It wasn't that hard."
"And then what?" shouts Clean Penknife in the background. "Await for the awakening of the Maretreal team that you know?" the brothers laugh and Clean raises an eyebrow. "Oh, by the way, does she know who you are, Flanks?" she points at her. "Or does she still think you are the lovely grandfather from her childhood days?"
"She's still in her childhood, asshole."
Then the voice I would have never thought I would listen to here begins to speak: "No, I'm not!" she shouts. "I'm 12 years old, I have just finished my childhood and according to Ms Cheerilee, I'm about to get into puberty and I have the right to know what's going on here!" Both the Penknife Brothers and I look at her... and I never felt so guilty in my life. "I was kidnapped, grandpa! Why? Can you tell me what's going on?"
The Penknife Brothers laugh but I don't. "This little girl is miles better than you, Abe," says Rusty Penknife on my face, finally speaking with his horrible tone. "Maybe you're right, she's cooler and better than you... morally and ethically better than you, actually." His smile disappears. "Why don't you tell your Sweetie Belle what you did in the last few years?"
I have to break this apart. Now. I'm getting nearer the knife and Rusty's voice is making me deaf... and I'm getting tired.
Clean and Rusty stop laughing when I grab Sharp's neck and I throw him away. His head hits the car's front. His brothers, logically, try to attack me and start following me while I open my car door.
"SWEETIE BELLE!" I shout. "GET TO THE CAR!"
She instantly enters the backseat and takes cover inside while I open the car trunk and get a small crowbar out of there. I hit Clean's head and he falls to the ground while Rusty desperately tries to attack Sweetie Belle by kicking the door. I save her by turning around and throwing him to the floor. I had the lead but not for long. Clean grabbed me by the neck and smashed my head against the car. I try to grab my crowbar but he throws it away and after that, I touch my forehead with my hand and look at my fingers: RED. My forehead is bleeding. I lost. In front of Sweetie Belle.
"Ay, Abe," Sharp says standing right above me. His brothers trap me by stepping on my chest. "Rusty was right. Your granddaughter is miles better than you!" He reaches for something in his pants and takes out a tiny revolver from his belt. "Fight's over."
No, I can't be here watching that asshole who is about to kill me... in front OF MY GRANDDAUGHTER! The gun is pointing at me with Sharp's green eyes looking like death itself... and I'm doing nothing? What am I, a coward?
"WAIT!" I hear a shout and the car door is opened. "NO! NO!" She repeats no one more time after leaving the car. "You can't... he's my grandfather..."
Sharp shakes his head while looking at her and then he snaps his fingers. "Rusty, Clean, cover the granddaughter's eyes, and take care of her," he says. "She doesn't have to see this."
"No!" she shouts while the brothers are approaching her. "Grandpa, no!"
"Don't you see?" Sharp tells me while crouching and stepping on my chest one more time. "I am fair, Abe. I've always been fair. I care about your children."
I hear the gun coming for me and I know that I can't end up dead in front of my granddaughter. I must go to Plan B I must go to Plan B now. I can't waste this chance when only one brother is against me and the other two are chasing my girl, faster than them, like two tired sumo wrestlers. I have to do something.
I punch the leg that is stepping on me. Bad idea, Sharp pulls the trigger because of his reaction and fires the gun. Nothing happens... and his eyes, which looked like death, are now shattered.
"WHAT?!" he shouts, completely angry while throwing the gun to the ground and turning around. He's not stepping on me, I am free. "You motherfuckers! You told me that the gun was fucking charged!"
It's your opportunity. It's my time. I grab Sharp from behind and smash his face twice against the car bumper. Then I throw him away while he is dealing with pain and I see Rusty coming at me. I barely see in the background that Sweetie Belle and Clean are fighting... and the one who is actually kicking the other one is the sweet young girl. I try to attack Rusty but he breaks me easily, tackling me and taking me to the ground again. I often forget that he is the strongest of the three.
Rusty is about to beat me up and I'm getting ready until I see a tiny boulder falling from the sky and hitting his head. He fastly touches his neck and falls to the floor while closing his eyes in silence. I fastly stand up and realize what happened... my granddaughter has two other boulders in her hands. Damn... I have no words.
She comes at me and we both act like robots at that moment. We opened the doors of my car, fastened our seatbelts, and left.
Both of us remain silent. We don't even say a word until a mile later.
"What was that?" she asks me. "Can you tell me?"
I don't know where to start and see, this is why I hate this. They brought her to this side where I didn't want anyone but me... and now I have to do the dishes they broke. If I tell her the truth she will never understand it. No matter if she is 5, 9, 12, 15, or 17 years old, she is still a little girl and she will never comprehend it. I have to tell her a pious lie that I have as my alibi since I do what I do.
"Sweetie Belle..." I tell her while looking at the road. "I had a problem."
"Another problem?" she says while raising an eyebrow.
I can't. I swear I can't. I always tell myself to stop making excuses but I just... can not do that. If my granddaughters knew that I'm inside something like this, I'd be screwed.
"Those men were... old friends. My old friends from the car store I own in Maretreal. They were... drunk and were asking for money, you know. They are at rock bottom."
"And you are hanging out with your old friends again, Grandpa? You told Rarity and me that they were very dangerous!"
"I know, Sweetie, but once you know them, you just can't get out of them... such as your friends, Applebloom and Scootaloo. You entered to that group, and now you can't get out!" I say while laughing. Why did I laugh? It made me feel so stupid.
"Yes, grandpa Abe... but I can't get out because I don't want to do it. It's different for you, you can't leave them because... they don't want to."
I don't answer, and I feel like a devil because of that.
I never drove so fast in my life.
The other side of the mirror is the strangest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I already knew that this strange new world was filled with colored horses... but I've just found out that this world is filled with magic! I only met a guy here: Calculated Risk, the only stallion that showed me Ponyville and the things behind its back, but the only thing I came for hasn't appeared yet.
I only crossed the Portal because this guy knows about the Elements of Harmony.
Friends always told me that the elements were just part of a tale for children but others, like my late father who may rest in peace, did believe in them. The only thing I know about those elements is that, according to what he told me, if you have all of them in your hands, you can be the most powerful man in Equestria. Those who say that the Elements of Harmony do exist, also explain that there may be copies of them in my world, the human one. Other ones say that these elements are only in this dimension, inside six mysterious ponies.
"So, these elements of harmony may be inside the ponies, right?" I ask Calculated Risk who is still with me trotting around Ponyville.
"Um... yes," he replies. A shy and short grey-skinned stallion with glasses. How bizarre. "...but the elements of harmony may not be the same in your world. Here in Ponyville, the six elements are six mares. One of them is Twilight Sparkle, the princess."
"What do you mean with not the same?"
"Well, most of the time, people who hold the Element may change per dimension, but that doesn't mean that there's no probability that the elements may be the same mares."
"The same mares?"
"Yes, Mr Eye Patch."
I only nod my horse head. Honestly, speaking about it, now I learned how to trot, look, and breathe like a horse. The only thing that still drives me crazy is the nonexistence of my hands. I just can't adapt to that. We come across a big building that he calls the Carousel Boutique. From it gets out a white mare, with blueish strands of hair. "There she is, Rarity," he tells me. Rarity? Abe's granddaughter? "I think she has the element of Generosity. It's one of the elements in this world."
"What? Does this mean the Rarity from my world can also be the element of generosity on... my world?"
Calculated Risk looks at me and nods his head. "She can."
I hear a car on the outside. He's here, ready to kick our asses. We keep walking on this horrible day.
Jack and I already got out of the school when we see his car. Sweetie Belle is not with him. That may be good news because she left her somewhere else or the worst piece of news we have ever heard. Abe is angry, and he has also a scratch on his forehead.
"I left her on the pitch, she's being assisted by her teacher," he says. "You two are the best babysitters in the world, thank you," he says. I feel devastated. I look at Jack and then he points his eyes at me... Shall we apologize? he mentally says to me, through his look.
"Sorry, Abe..." I say. "I... If I saw her I..."
"Look," he interrupts me. "Thanks, Star Swirl and everyone in heaven she's OK. We forget about this. I forgive you."
"And what about the Penknife Brothers?" asks Jack, crossing his arms. "What happened to them?"
Abe is about to reply but shuts up when his eyes point at one direction. Jack and me turn around and there she is. Principal Celestia. "Is she OK?" she asks. "When I was informed about this issue, it was too late for me, I'm afraid. May I know what happened?"
Abe shakes his head. "She only got lost in the big garden near the school while playing Hide and Seek, principal. She felt scared..."
"Are you sure about that?" She approaches Abe and I find out she is taller than the three of us. Wow... intimidating... and sexy. "You begged me to let these two men in my school take care of your granddaughters because of a... family issue... and then what?"
"They are my best friends in the world," he says. Aww, how cute! "They would do anything for me... I was just... I don't know. It was a desperate decision I made."
"I notice," she says, nodding her head with a confused look in her eyes. "I thought they were supervising them, didn't they?"
"Actually," that word came out of my mouth on his own. I didn't even think about speaking right now but I felt that I had to because of what Jack and I saw earlier. The three of them are now looking at me. "We were doing that job but... something else happened that... interrupted us."
Jack tries to touch my shoulder but stops when Celestia asks me: "May I know what happened?"
"Well, I..." Abe also raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms while listening to me. "I went to the cafeteria to ask for a cup of coffee and then I saw... Rarity with this... guy..."
"What are you talking about?" says Abe with a tone that makes me think that he is losing his temper. However, Celestia calms him down with a sigh and she also crosses her arms while shaking his head and turning his back on us.
"I know what you are saying," she says. "Cattle Prod, right?"
Jack and I look at each other. "Yes. How did you know about that?"
She comes back and sighs at me. "I'm... deeply sorry about that," she says, in a very smooth voice. "Cattle Prod is a... loose cannon. A problematic kid. Me and my sister expelled him from this school lots of times, but his uncle always found a way to get him back. Always." Celestia's words approach us to the truth... Cattle Prod was not lying. He is the fucking nephew. Then I saw Abe's face, trying to understand what was going on. "What scares me the most, by the way, it's not Cattle Prod, he's a kid with potential and needs help, but it's always crushed by the fact that... his uncle totally controls him. It seems no one recognizes or even thinks about the power his uncle has not only in this school... but almost everywhere."
"Excuse me, what are we talking about?" Abe is getting nervous. "What is this? I have never heard about a Cattle Prod guy or something else. Which uncle are we talking to?"
I look at him and I witness how his reaction breaks him in half: "That guy, he was with Rarity..." Jack lets me speak by also looking at Abe in his eyes. "...then we were in the janitor's room and some masked guys appeared and beat us up and told us that we shouldn't have messed with him and his girl... and most importantly... he told me his uncle was Bloodswan."
Abe instantly puts a hand on her chest and takes a deep breath while grabbing Jack's shoulder. He only says one sentence: "Oh, lord."
I didn't like that hand on his chest at all. "Tell me you are not having a heart attack," I desperately say.
"I'm not," he furiously replies. "I just can't... believe this."
"You also know his name?" Celestia breaks us again by standing in the middle. "How? I thought his name was..."
"People talk about him in Maretreal..." fastly replies Abe. "A lot. He's a known one from the underworld."
We see how Celestia clearly didn't like that commentary with her reaction. "And do you know him?"
The three of us quickly shake our heads. "Never," replies Jack. "That kind of man never goes out and speaks with nobody... never with normal citizens like us."
"Despite that, he speaks with me," she replies, and we're grounded. "Although in the past few months, he has been sending others to do that for him." A freezing silence stays between us until she turns back and nods her head. "Excuse me. I need to go back to work. I will politely ask you, if you don't have anything else to do here, to leave. Have a good day."
She walks away with her hands behind her back and I witness the length and height of her legs. They look like freaking towers. It may be the tallest woman I have ever seen in my life. That's scary... and sexy. However, I am not here to talk about the legs of a woman. We are in serious trouble.
Abe shakes his head. "This has to be a fucking joke," he says while crossing his arms. "I came here... I sent you here to deal with three clowns that cannot do anything well... and you come across the nephew of the guy that controls the whole underworld of this country..." he begins to roam around the entrance. "And I can't believe you found him with Rarity, is that true?"
"A friend of hers told me she is being with him only because he likes her, and by doing that, he won't harm or mock her friends... it's like," I don't know how to say it with proper words. "It's like she... is sacrificing herself, hanging out with a guy that she does not like, for her friends to be safe."
Abe instantly turns around and grabs my trenchcoat with his iron fist. Fatal decision made by me. Jack gets in the middle of us. "My granddaughter is not a whore."
"I didn't say that!" I desperately say to calm down the waters. "She's not that, and everybody here knows that! I'm just saying, Abe... she is doing this only because of her friends and it's too much for her. She has balls... well, ovaries, actually."
We stay in silence for a few seconds and Abe ends up shaking his head and leaving. "I need to think about this on Maretreal." He waves his hand to us. "Come on, I'll take you to Hop's."
"Wait," I say, raising a finger like the idiot I am sometimes. "It's quite a long trip. Can I go to the bathroom before?"
Both of them look at me like disappointed parents. In this case, Abe's my dad, and Jack's my... my dad. Well, he might be my mom. He would be my mom. I can imagine him with an apron and making cookies. "You have to go to the school and pee there," Jack says. "Hurry up."
"Yeah, I will." I quickly turn my back but I stop to say something that I know it's not necessary, but I have to. I look at them both while standing on the entrance's white stairs. "Don't tell me you didn't see the principal's legs." Jack frowns at me. "They were like... like the towers of--"
Jack raises his voice: "HURRY UP!"
"I will! I will!" Now I run away, just in case.
I'm on my way to the bathroom and I find something surprising on its door. It's not bad, no Cattle Prod or weird masked guys in the distance, but there they are. Those two kids may have seen me throwing up in the toilet where they pee. Their faces are not kind... but also not menacing. They are scared of something once I touch the door. "No!" one of them says, and once I enter the bathroom I realize what's going on. "Don't enter! It's for your own good!"
Cattle Prod is inside, crossing her arms while looking at someone I don't know... a girl? Inside the men's bathroom? This seems to be a horrible signal. The girl raises her arms and points at me angrily. "Who dares to interrupt the Great and Powerful Trix--?"
"I told you to shut your mouth while I'm here," bluntly interrupts Cattle Prod while looking at her. "I called you here, fake, failing magician, because I want you to stop talking like that. You are making me sick with your pathetic phrases. You truly suck." Now I look at how that angry sight of hers fades out until she takes a breath and runs to one of the toilets, closing the wooden door in front of her. Cattle Prod starts chuckling once she does that. "She's so dumb."
I remember myself being bullied when I was a little boy. I don't want to be justice but I hate when this happens right in front of me. The least I can do is say something. "What the hell were you doing?" I ask. The entrance is opened and I think for a second masked men will arrive again and kick me in the balls, but there they are again... the kids.
"Are you blind, deaf? I bet you are both," he tells me while I turn around to look at him. "Firstly, didn't you hear me talking to her? I called her to be here. Why?" He raises his shoulders, getting nearer. "Because I can... then, secondly, I told you to turn around. Don't you understand? Are you also retarded besides being blind and deaf?"
He's spitting right at my face and I won't let him. No matter if it is the nephew. "Listen, friend... I came here because I want to take a piss."
He thinks he is so cool he can grab me by my shirt and clench his teeth in front of me. "Then do it outside, friend."
He passed the limit. "That's it." I push him with my hand and he almost trips over while touching the wall with his back. "Do you think I am your little goblin assistant just like everyone else here? No, man. I also have big balls... and a sense of self-awareness." He laughs at me, and that only makes me angrier. "If I pull you out of this school... are you still the man you say you are? Tell me."
"You are forgetting about something else, dude," he says, regaining his posture and coming back. "From what I saw earlier, you must know who my uncle is... or shall I send my friends again to make you remember?"
He did. He sent them. Son of a bitch. "You motherfucker, we are not talking about your uncle. I am talking about you, who sees himself as God... and you are not God, man."
"And do you know something else?" Our faces are about to crash. "I was talking about him but right now I am talking to you. You don't see yourself as a hero... don't you?"
I breathe and exhale on his face and he doesn't even blink. "I won't say anything about me on this."
"Then you are a dirty, dirty man and I'm telling you... my uncle is the landlord of dirty men." He puts a hand over my right shoulder and passes by me. He opens the door, almost stepping on the kids scared of him. "And you know what?" he says while looking at me. "He'll know about this."
And then he leaves. We are now just me, the hidden girl sitting on the toilet, and the two little kids.
A family.
"You bastard," I hear. I turned around and saw that the girl who was hiding from Cattle Prod was now out of the toilet. She even had a tear running down one of her cheeks. "Trixie feels... offended by what you've just done."
"Why?" I tell her. "I saved your ass."
"I am the Great and Powerful Trixie! I don't need anybody to save me!"
I look at the two little kids and they nod their heads. Looks like they are trying to tell me yep, she's like that. "Sorry but... you didn't seem to be confronting him."
She is hurt by that and I know. She frowns, shakes her head, and leaves the bathroom with her clenched fists. Honestly, I feel pity for her although I don't know her at all, she seemed sad because of this. Wish her luck, at least.
Just when I started to feel alone in the bathroom to take a piss, I see that the two kids are still there, and nearer me like two babies looking at their poppa. "Uh, come on," I say. "What? I need to take the piss."
"Sir," the shortest one, with a black t-shirt which has a scissor on it, smiles. "May we have your autograph?"
Oh, you've got to be kidding me. "Really?" I tell them, rolling my eyes. "Why don't you ask a famous guy for an autograph?"
"You're a famous guy!" shouts the other, taller, kid. "My name is Snails and he is Snips. It's a great honor to meet you in real life."
In real life? What are they talking about? "Listen, kids..." I tell them with my best babysitter voice. "You picked the wrong guy. I'm neither a superhero nor a pornstar, now go and let me pee for once."
Snips shakes his head. "No, um... we know you are neither a superhero nor a... that kind of star. We have been talking about you with Snails and we... think we know who you are."
"What?" I tell them once I open the door and look at the toilet. I'm already feeling tired of listening to them. "The President of Equestria?"
"No, um..." Snails stutters. "We think you are the Bedmaker."
...Oh. That nickname.
Suddenly I decided that there was no time to take a piss.