There was always a reason to celebrate at Beanis Inc.
Except for the time cultists raided the building. Oh, and the time that Sunset’s car exploded. And she wasn’t supposed to be happy about the butt assassins that had visited... twice.
But this time was different— there was a real reason to celebrate. Twilight had won. She’d bought out Toy-Fussy, absorbed the dying company into Beanis Inc, and finally gotten her stolen plans back from Adagio and the rest of them. They’d even managed to hire on a new accountant.
Naturally, this called for a Welcome-to-Beanis-slash-Congratulations-On-Crushing-Your-Rivals-in-the-Most-Absolute-Way-Possible party. The banner had been a massive pain to do, but Pinkie never went halfway when it came to parties.
The party was in full swing as Pinkie weaved through the throng of employees enjoying the after-hours festivities. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were whispering about something in a corner of the room, Wallflower and Tempest were making out under the conference table, and people were just having a lot of fun. Applejack was even doing a keg stand.
“So, what do you think?” Pinkie slid next to Gloriosa and grinned as she surveyed the party.
“It’s… different from what I expected.” Gloriosa admitted, taking a sip from the red cup in her hand.
“Yep! Twilight says if we want to stand out from the crowd, we gotta do things different from the crowd. That’s why I yell whenever I’m in a crowd.” Pinkie nodded to herself.
“Right… I just didn’t expect things to be so lively. Everyone at my old job was always angry, what with the money problems and all that. This is just so…” Gloriosa trailed off, swirling a hand in the air.
“Intimidating? Scary? Wait, those are the same thing, aren’t they?” Pinkie furrowed her brow in thought.
“Refreshing,” Gloriosa corrected.
“It is pretty neat here, huh?” Pinkie’s grin turned mischievous. “Too bad the building’s haunted.”
“Haunted,” Gloriosa said flatly. “Somehow I think you’re trying to pull a fast one, Pinkie.”
“Nah, Dashie’s the fast one. We’ve got lots of strange stuff going on here, though. There’s the flickering lights, and the cultists out front all the time, and the assassins that visit sometimes.” Pinkie counted each new thing off on her fingers as she added them to the list. “And the ghost.”
“Pinkie, there’s no such thing as ghosts.” Gloriosa rolled her eyes, but couldn’t keep a lighthearted smile off her face.
“That is a relief. I would be quite unsettled if the Beanis company were haunted.” A voice from behind them sighed in relief. “Spirits can be most frightening.”
“You said it, Somnambula.” Pinkie glanced over her shoulder at the woman who’d spoken.
Gloriosa turned to see the translucent form of Somnambula’s torso poking through the wall, holding a red plastic cup of her own. Her eyes went wide.
“You’re a… a…”
“Gloriosa, this is Somnambula. She’s Sunset’s roommate and Flash’s… girlfriend?” Pinkie looked to Somnambula for confirmation.
“I believe the internets calls it a ‘fuckboi’?” Somnambula made air quotes with her free hand.
“Fuck buddy,” Pinkie corrected. “Somnambula, this is Gloriosa. She’s the new accountant!” Pinkie gestured towards the stammering woman next to her.
“It is good to be meeting you. Twilight said there was someone new starting that I was to not scare. How are you, new friend?” Somnambula held a ghostly hand out to shake.
Pinkie managed to delicately pluck the drink from Gloriosa before the woman fainted.
“Huh. That went better than I expected.” Pinkie blinked down at Gloriosa’s prone form.
“Will she be alright?” Somnambula asked worriedly.
“Yeah, she’ll be fine. You just spooked her.” Pinkie shrugged. “So how’s Sunny? Is she coming later?”
“Sunset is currently on another vacation. She said she was attempting to find herself,” Somnambula mumbled.
Pinkie’s smile faded and the two of them went quiet, watching the party in lieu of conversation. It was Somnambula that broke the silence between them.
“There is no haunting here, correct?” Somnambula was chewing her lower lip as she asked.
“Nah, just you. It’s the roombas you gotta look out for.” Pinkie’s mischievous smile returned.
“Roombas?” Somnambula shrunk back into the wall a little.
“Yep! I heard that they wander the halls at night, looking to suck up anyone who works too much overtime!” Pinkie waved her arms in the air dramatically as Somnambula let out a squeak of fear. “I heard that they even control the scarecrows riding them, making them turn their victims into more scarecrows!”
Somnambula let out a shriek and dove into the wall. Her cup clattered to the floor, refusing to pass through the solid object with her.
Pinkie giggled and scanned the room. Everyone there seemed like they were still having fun. Applejack and Rainbow had started an arm wrestling contest, and Rarity and Fluttershy were cheering them on. Tempest looked like she was waiting for it to end so she could have a turn, and Twilight—
Twilight was missing.
Pinkie pursed her lips and slipped out of the conference room.
Down the hall, light spilled out of the doorway to Twilight’s office.
“Knock, knock.” Pinkie said softly as she rapped a knuckle against the doorframe. “Twilight, are you okay?”
Twilight was seated at her computer, staring intently at the screen. “I’m fine,” she said curtly.
“Everyone else is in the conference room. There’s cake.”
Twilight let out a grunt in response and snatched a paper off the desk. She scanned it briefly and typed something into the computer.
“Even Somnambula’s there. They’re all waiting for you.” Pinkie shifted uncomfortably in the doorway as she took a closer look at her friend.
Twilight looked like hell. She had dark circles under her eyes, and her clothes were frumpy and wrinkled. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days, let alone bathed. The only reason Pinkie knew Twilight had still been eating was because of the discarded Twinkie wrappers on the floor.
Twilight took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. “Everyone’s there?” She sounded hopeful.
“Well… almost everyone,” Pinkie admitted. “Flash is still working.”
“And Sunset?”
“She… couldn’t make it.”
A soft sigh escaped Twilight. “I’m sorry, Pinkie, but there’s still a ton of paperwork to go over from the acquisition. Save me some cake, though?”
“Yeah, I can do that.” Pinkie forced a smile.
“Thanks, Pinkie.” Twilight’s smile seemed genuine as Pinkie slunk back to the party.
~~~
Another day, another successful party. Pinkie smiled to herself as she swept the remnants of food off the conference table and into a large plastic bag.
A knock on the glass door to the room sounded behind her. It turned out to be Flash Sentry.
“I’m about to head out. You sure you don’t need help cleaning up?”
“Nah, I’m okay, Flasharoo. You’ve been working, you shouldn’t be picking up after a party you couldn’t go to. Go home.” Pinkie shooed him away with both hands. “Oh! I left some cake and goodies in the fridge for you so don’t forget to grab those.”
Flash grinned. “Thanks, Pinkie. Let me know when you’re home safe, okay?”
“Okie dokie!” Pinkie flashed a thumbs up and went back to her cleaning as Flash left.
Cleaning was not the best part of a party, but it was a necessary evil. Pinkie hummed a tune as she continued her work, determined to leave the conference room as clean as she’d found it.
Not that she’d actually found it, of course. Technically Twilight had done that when she bought the building. Or was it rented?
A soft tap against the back of Pinkie’s foot brought her out of her train of thought.
She glanced over her shoulder and screamed at the figure looming behind her.
The thing was about as tall as Pinkie, with a coarse brown face and a grin that stretched from ear to ear. It stood there, staring at Pinkie with soulless eyes, waiting for her to make a move.
Pinkie burst into giggles. “I guess Flash let the roombas out.” She poked the scarecrow’s face and let out another giggle. “At least I’m not cleaning up alone, huh?”
The roomba scooted to the other side of the room, sucking up the sprinkles that had spilled during strip charades.
Pinkie glanced over her shoulder at her cleaning buddy, who had recruited reinforcements in the form of a second roomba.
“I guess there are a lot of sprinkles. You can blame your pal Pinkie for that one.” Pinkie chortled to herself. “Sorry about that.”
“Pin... kee,” a voice groaned from the roombas’ side of the room.
“That’s right! That’s me, your ol’ pal… Pinkie…” Pinkie let her words trail off as she stood straight and peered over at the roomba scarecrows suspiciously.
Roombcrows?
Scare-oombas?
Pinkie shook her head to shake that line of thinking out of it and focused all her attention at the three Securoombas on the other side of the mahogany table in the center of the room.
The scarecrows stared back lifelessly.
Pinkie couldn’t help but notice that the four of them had stopped moving.
“You know, I think the five of you have the rest of this mess on lockdown, so I think I’m just gonna skedaddle down to the Sweet Shoppe and get myself a nice cool milkshake and calm my nerves.” Pinkie flashed a thumbs up and scooted slowly around the edge of the table towards the door.
They all turned in unison to watch her.
Pinkie bolted from the room and down the hall, not stopping until she had rounded a corner and gone out of sight of the roombas.
“Okay, Pinkie,” she said aloud, panting for breath, “maybe it’s time to take up jogging.” She wiped sweat from her brow and told herself it was from being a teensy bit scared and not the running.
She risked peeking back the way she had come and immediately regretted it.
The entire group of roombas whirred towards her slowly, like menacing doom soldiers of doom or those kids with colds that demanded hugs when she worked a party shift at the diner.
Pinkie ran like a fat kid chasing the ice cream truck.
Pinkie wound her way through the halls of the company, up and down stairs, and even through a ventilation shaft. She wasn’t sure if the roombas could climb into the vents, but she didn’t linger. She’d seen that one Hearth’s Warming movie with the tall building and the wizard bad guy.
Bad things happened in vents.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, Pinkie hobbled towards the front doors of the building, gasping for air.
She should have taken up Sunset on taking a karate class together, after all. Maybe, just maybe, there might have been the slight possibility that Pinkie was out of shape.
She pushed on the glass doors to freedom.
Or, she should have. They rattled a little, but didn’t budge. Pinkie pushed harder, straining against the glass with all her might to little avail. After what felt like forever, she slumped against the doors, forced to accept the fact that she was locked in the building with a bunch of creepy Roombas.
She risked a glance over her shoulder and immediately regretted it.
The Roombies were here.
One of them opened its mouth in a macabre grin. A glob of beans spilled out and hit the floor with a wet splat.
It may have well been the start gun to a marathon.
Pinkie was off and running again.
She ran blindly again, up as high as she could get before her legs threatened to give out. She stumbled through the first door she could find and barricaded it with a rolling chair.
She was safe now. All Pinkie needed to do now was wait until morning, when everyone arrived. Then they could team up and wipe out the cleaning bot security things.
“Pinkie?”
Pinkie screamed.
Someone else screamed.
Pinkie screamed again, but louder.
“Fluttershy?” Pinkie asked when she was finally done screaming. Also, her throat hurt.
Fluttershy peeked over the cubicle wall she’d ducked behind. “Are… are you okay, Pinkie?”
Pinkie gripped Fluttershy’s shoulders and shook her violently. “We gotta get out of here!”
“What’s going on?” Fluttershy whimpered as her head waved back and forth from the shaking.
“Cleaning, and then sprinkles! Running and then karate class, and then they started chasing me and the vents and the doors were locked! The beans! Beans!” Pinkie explained in a way only she could manage.
“Did the cultists break in again?” Fluttershy asked when she finally managed to extract herself from Pinkie’s grasp.
“Weren’t you listening?!” Pinkie groaned. “The roombas are alive!”
Fluttershy frowned at the excited girl. “Pinkie, roombas are just little cleaning robots. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Pinkie let herself relax a little. “Oh, good.” She pulled a chair over and plopped down into it. “Wait, what are you doing here?”
Fluttershy gestured to one of the cubicles. “I was doing some extra work. There’s a lot more calls after dark.”
Pinkie leaned to the side and looked to the workstation Fluttershy had gestured at. A neat little placard with Fluttershy’s name on it glinted in the office light. “I’m in the call center?”
Fluttershy nodded.
“Oh…” Pinkie went quiet for a moment. “Can I stay here with you?”
A gentle smile spread across Fluttershy’s face. “Of course you can.”
Pinkie breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe she was finally safe. She could hide out here with Fluttershy and maybe steal some snacks from the break room. Maybe Pinkie could even take a nap in another cubicle.
The very not-barricaded door to the call center creaked open behind her.
Pinkie glanced down at her rolling chair as it scooted past.
“Shoot,” she mumbled as the first roomba crept into the room. Pinkie grabbed Fluttershy’s wrist and pulled her one of the cubicles.
“Pinkie-”
“Shhh!” Pinkie clapped a hand over Fluttershy’s mouth as one of the roombas slid past.
She risked a peek over the cubicle wall and found herself face-to-face with a beany scarecrow.
Pinkie dragged Fluttershy out of the call center, screaming all the while. “I’m too young to be a scarecrow!”
Pinkie ran blindly again, heading downwards through the building again. Roombas couldn’t do stairs, right?
They stopped fleeing downstairs once they’d hit the bottom. Pinkie gasped for breath, leaning against the wall across from the elevators. She really regretted not exercising more as her lungs threatened to explode out her chest. “I think… we lost them…”
“Are you sure?” Fluttershy chewed her bottom lip, leaning through the stairway access door and peeking upwards.
“No,” Pinkie admitted, “but I don’t think they can do stairs.”
The elevator opened, revealing a group of roombas.
“Oh, come on!” Pinkie groaned as she grabbed Fluttershy’s hand and ran again.
“We gotta find somewhere to hide!” Pinkie yelled over her shoulder. She wasn’t even sure what part of the building she was in anymore. She didn’t really care, either, so long as she could get a few minutes of safety from their battery-powered pursuers.
She pulled Fluttershy through a door and closed it behind them, pushing the first piece of furniture against the door and collapsing against it.
“Now we just need to hide here until morning. When everyone shows up, we can sic Tempest on them and she can kick their scarecrow butts!” Pinkie smashed a fist into her open palm for emphasis.
The door jostled behind her in rebuttal.
A whimper escaped Pinkie shot to her feet and glanced around for something to defend them with. There was nothing in the room but her barricade, Fluttershy, a rug, and The Couch.
At least she’d die among two good friends.
She rolled up the rug and held it like an oversized baseball bat. It was better than nothing.
A metal glint caught the light in the corner of Pinkie’s eye. A small hatch in the floor, hidden by the rug. Pinkie nearly jumped for joy.
“Quick, Fluttershy,” She threw the trapdoor open, “into this escape snatch!”
“Don’t you mean-”
“No time!” Pinkie ushered the other woman down the ladder before Fluttershy could protest, following her down and shutting the trapdoor behind them.
At the bottom of the ladder was a small workstation, with a smattering of tools and a table in a room about the size of the room they’d just come from. Pinkie gasped and looked around the room.
“Where are we?”
“The secret vaults.” Fluttershy answered.
“Wait, if it’s a secret vault, how do you know about it?” Pinkie asked with a tilt of her head.
Fluttershy rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet. “I’ve, um, been down here before. We should go. Twilight doesn’t like anyone being down here.”
“What about the roombas? They’ll get us if we go back up!” Pinkie stared at Fluttershy incredulously, chewing her thumbnail nervously.
A sound from above them tore Pinkie’s gaze upwards, towards the darkness the ladder descended from.
“They figured out ladders!” Pinkie whispered, curling into a ball and trying to make herself as small as possible. “We’re doomed!”
A purple-skinned woman stepped off the ladder and stretched. A slice of cake hovered next to her.
“There you are, Flutterbot. Why aren’t you in the call center?” The woman shrugged. “Well, since you’re here, we may as run some more tests.”
“Twilight!” Pinkie leapt up and wrapped her arms around Twilight in a tight hug. “You’re here to save us! Did you bring the army?”
“Pinkie?” Twilight blinked at the exuberant girl in surprise. “What are you doing here?” She shot a glare in Fluttershy’s direction.
“We were running from the roombas so they didn’t turn us into scarecrows!” Pinkie explained.
Twilight waved a hand dismissively. “The beancrows are harmless, if a bit stupid. They remind me of you, actually.”
“Wow, beancrows is way better than anything I could think of.” Pinkie muttered. “Wait, how did you find us down here?” Pinkie asked, looking back to Twilight. “And why is your hair all wavy and movey? And why do you have blue magicky stuff around your eyes like that time you turned into Midnight Sparkle?”
“Um, Pinkie?” Fluttershy chimed in.
Twilight held up a hand to silence the girl. “No, no. I want to see if she gets there herself.”
“Wait,” Pinkie’s face scrunched up in thought, “blue magic stuff, moving hair, saying mean stuff…” Her eyes shot open in surprise. “You’re not Twilight! You’re not Twilight at all!” She pointed an accusatory finger at Twilight and backed against the wall.
“And the last horse crosses the finish line.” Twilight clapped slowly. “Unfortunately, you know a little too much about the after hours of the company so… I can’t let you leave.”
Midnight tapped a finger to her chin in thought. “I have been making some promising advances with the beandroids—well, better than the beancrows riding the roombas. You’d think moonlight powered scarecrows would work better.” She shrugged. “I suppose I didn’t account for a lack of skylights.”
She looked back to Pinkie with a mischievous gleam in her eye. “Oh, don’t give me that look. I promise to take good care of you for as long as you’re down here.”
Pinkie swallowed the lump in her throat. “W-what do you mean by that?”
Midnight grinned. “Don’t you worry about that. Why don’t you come with me? I’ve got some new additions to the vaults that I’ve been dying to test out.” She pressed her hand to a small pad in the wall Pinkie had missed and a section of the wall slid away with a hiss. “This way, please.”
Midnight’s giggles echoed off the walls as she levitated Pinkie into the air and pulled her deeper into the vaults.
~~~
“Hey, Pinkie.” Rainbow Dash leaned over the wall of Pinkie’s cubicle. “Wanna go grab some pizza for lunch?”
“I’m okay,” Pinkie sighed. “I’ve got a lot of calls lined up, anyway.”
“Seriously? I thought you took the job over here to mess around with Fluttershy.” Dash smirked.
Pinkie shook her head and scowled. “Not everything is about sex and food, Rainbow Dash.”
“Who are you, and what have you done with the real Pinkie?” A chuckle escaped Dash.
“Rainbow, sweetie, can you let Pinkie work?” Fluttershy slipped up next to Dash and planted a kiss on her cheek. “She’s been a bit stressed since she started here.”
“Yeah, yeah..” Dash muttered, “Hey, you up for some pizza and a quickie for lunch?” She waggled her eyebrows at Fluttershy, grinning when Fluttershy nodded. “Sweet. See you then, babe.”
Fluttershy watched Dash go before looking back to Pinkie. “Sorry, Pinkie. Dashie means well, I swear.”
Pinkie grunted.
“Did you do something with your hair?”
Fluttershy got a shrug for a response this time.
“I think it looks lovely. You should straighten it more often.” She placed a hand on Pinkie’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Don’t worry, you’ll do great here. Twilight says you were made for this job.”